A/N: Yes, I am indeed still alive. Three years later and I'm still not entirely sure where I was going with this story. I'm trying to get my life back together and one of the ways I can do that is to start writing again. This isn't a new chapter, just an updated version. I look back and cringe at my previous writing, honestly what was I thinking? I hope things don't sound too out of character, I'm coming back to the fandom with very little memory of basically anything. Hope you all enjoy and please leave criticism, I thrive off of disappointing others.
'Do I want cheese or yogurt?', I thought as I crouched in front of the fridge. Grandma needed to go shopping soon, none of my usual snacks were in the fridge. 'Cheese will just make me have weird dreams and we only have chocolate yogurt.' I shut the fridge with a sigh, no midnight snack for me. Or rather, 2:39 a.m. snack I realized as I saw the stove clock.
I had just come down from five a week ago and was still trying to figure out my sleep schedule. Every night, I woke up around the same time, rearing and ready to face the day only to realize the sun wasn't even up yet. I was used to short naps dispersed about the day, not hours of dead sleep. Alan was having trouble adjusting to five's sleep schedule, I was sure of it.
After another search of the fridge, I resigned myself to waiting til breakfast for food. I was going back to my room when I noticed something odd. A light was coming from underneath Gordon's door. Gordon was like a vampire when it came to lights. When he and Alan used to share a room, he used to torture poor Alan by turning his nightlight off. I couldn't remember the number of times I was woken up by a crying Alan telling me Gordon was being mean.
I paused for a second outside of his door, listening to see if it was simply his tv playing. But what I heard confused me so much that at first, I thought I imagined it. It sounded like crying.
Frowning, I cracked open the door, foregoing knocking. The sight that meet my eyes made me even more confused. Gordon was curled up on his side, legs to his chest. He was actually crying. If you didn't know Gordon, you probably wouldn't have been surprised, especially considering our line of work and what we saw. But from the day he was born, Gordon was a ball of energy and happiness. He was always cracking a joke, looking for any way to make someone laugh or smile.
"Gordon?", I called softly, cracking the door open further. He froze for a second, silent save for his sniffling. After a moment, he sat up, facing me. I was met with a tear-stained face and puffy eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I saw Gordon cry. It had to of been around the time of his accident, years ago.
"John?", he said confused. He quickly wiped his face and said, "What are you doing up?"
"I was just getting a snack. I saw your light on", I said, moving across the room to sit on the edge of his bed. "Everything okay?"
Gordon looked away, eyes pooling with tears as his shoulders started to shake. He nodded his head as if he thought I would really believe him.
"Gordon", I warned. He shook his head.
"I'm fine John, you don't have to say anything", he said, his voice thick with emotion. I raised my eyebrows, and at my silence, he looked at me. He let out a snort at my facial expression and rubbed his eyes. He was still shaking.
"What's wrong Gords? You're never this quiet", I said.
"Nothing John, I told you", he said.
"I'm gonna go wake up Scott", I said, rising to my feet. He quickly grabbed my hand and whispered harshly "What are you doing? Are you crazy?"
Slapping his hands away, I said, "No, I'm rational, unlike some people in this room." He glared back at me but let go of my hand. I sat back down, his mattress squeaking loudly. He gave me an annoyed look as if to say, 'Could you be any louder?'
"Why don't you want me to get Scott?", I said.
"Because", Gordon started, rolling his eyes. "It's not a big deal. He'd just blow it out of per potion and make it something it isn't." His eyes dropped down to his blankets and he started drawing patterns in the soft fabric, face furrowed as he tried his best to ignore me.
"And what is this exactly?", I prodded. I was starting to get on thin ice, I knew it. Gordon's shoulders tensed and his hands stopped their drawing.
"I had a nightmare if you must know", he whispered so quietly that at first, I didn't hear him.
"Oh", I said. I had been suspecting that. He had been prone to nightmares since he was a kid. When he was little, he would usually just climb into bed with Virgil or Scott but as he got older, he would simply stay awake until morning, not even attempting to go back to sleep.
"Well", I started. "Do you want to talk about it?" He gave me an incredulous look.
"I'm not three John, I can handle a little nightmare", he spat, eyes blazing. My eyes widened and Gordon sighed, putting his face in his hands.
"I'm sorry, I'm just not in a good mood", he said. I nodded, though he couldn't see me. I sat for a moment more, waiting for him to come around and say something. He didn't, just kept his head buried in his hands.
"Do you want me to leave?", I finally said. He nodded his head and I sighed. 'I might as well let him simmer until morning', I thought. 'Maybe he'll want to talk in the morning'.
"Okay Gords, I'll leave you be." He peaked from his hands as I rose from his bed. He looked so tired.
"Good night', I said and he muttered a quiet, "night." I turned his light off as I left his room, shutting the door behind me.
'That was just plan weird', I decided as I walked back to my room. Gordon was rarely moody or temperamental.
Once I got back into my room, I flopped on my bed, though I was too wired to sleep. I tossed and turned for the longest time. I kept thinking back to Gordon. That look on his face when he saw me. 'What was he so scared of? What was he hiding? And what was he dreaming about that got him so shaken up?' These thoughts continued to run through my head until I felt my eyes starting to dip. Though, right as I drifted off, one thought kept repeating in my head. What was he so afraid of?