authorsnote: I'm really taken with this fic and the words are coming easily, so here we go! pls enjoy!
let me know your thoughts, let me know what ships (outside of tomione ofc) you'd like to see! I'm pretty open.
as always fav/follow for updates, review to make me smile, and enjoy!
songrecs: lost - emily afton
She plans to avoid him again, as she huddles on the floor in the classroom, as she tries to ignore the tingling of her lips, the utter shame of her attraction to him and her disgust at their chemistry. She wants to never see him again, she wants to throw herself at him, but she knows she can do neither, just try to avoid him.
That is her plan until she scrapes herself off the floor and realises, he still has her wand.
She feels a moment of panic, that her trusted tool is in the hands of such an unknown. But she knows he'll give it back … she is not sure how she knows that, but she just does. God, she feels more worried about confronting him to get it back, not the prospect he may not do so.
For a minute she shakes, she feels nerves twist in her gut and then she takes a deep breath and scolds herself. She is the brightest witch of her generation, feminist, modern woman, strong and tough. She will not be scared and cowed. With that thought in mind she steels herself, grits her teeth, clenches her hands into fists and stomps her way to the Slytherin common room.
Her anger diminishes slightly when she realises, she doesn't know the password, and she stands fuming for ten minutes before a first-year steps out. Hermione jumps out of the way into an alcove just in time but manages to catch the door before it shuts and slips in. Her anger rears back up as she looks around and can't find him (thankfully only the younger years linger here), of course he has to make it difficult for her, of course he's not in the communal space, meaning she has to go into his bedroom, his abode.
God, she hates him.
It doesn't matter that he makes her tingle, makes her nervous and springs forth butterflies in her stomach, she still hates him.
Chemistry and attraction do not stop hate, she can say that for sure now.
"Come on Hermione" It might be a bit pathetic to give oneself a pep-talk, but before she ascends into the devil's lair, she needs a little courage, and she can usually make herself feel better. So, she takes another deep breath (she might need to start meditating), scrunches her nose up in determination and climbs the stairs to his room.
Once she reaches his door she almost falters, almost fails to open it out of worry, fear. And what is messed up is that it is not even a fear of him, it is something worse, it is a fear of what he makes her feel, a fear of how she acts around him.
Several deeper breaths and she forces herself to shove his door open, she is both relieved and extremely frustrated to find he is not present. She's surprised his room isn't warded, but perhaps it is, and she can get past it, she wouldn't be surprised if he set it so she can get past it, it seems he already likes toying with her.
But she is not a toy, and that is terrifying, that he seems to want her to be one, which she refuses to be. She is no toy, not for him, not for anyone.
God, she doesn't even know him! But she is terrified of what he brings out in her, of what he said to her, of what he seems to be. She is scared of him, and she doesn't even know why.
Next she guesses she'll have to check the dining hall, for she needs her wand, and she doesn't want her most prized possession in his hands, not when she doesn't know him, not when he makes her so uneasy and anxious. No, she'll go the hall, find him, demand her wand back and ignore him from here out, that seems best.
She won't be alone with him, she won't fraternise with him, only talk to him when essential, that is her plan.
But then she hears the door click, and for the first time in her life she hopes it is Zabini, or Theo, or god even Malfoy. But instantly she knows it's not, as the door locks shut, and she hears his voice, she both wants to run, and stay. It is horrible not knowing one's own mind or decisions, something she is not used to, she does not like it.
Perhaps that is why she is scared of him? He is her first peer to make her question herself, doubt her own mind, something her friends and people her age have never made her feel before. Perhaps that is why.
The door shuts, but she doesn't turn around, not even as she hears him, as his voice makes her shiver, as she resists the urge to both slap him and perhaps grab at him.
"Well this is a nice surprise"
"Give me my wand back" She figures she'll keep it short and sweet, as she whirls around to face him, to find him leaning against the door, that arrogant smirk on his face, her wand in his hands. His own she can see is sticking out the pocket of her robes, and hers is being twirled by his fingers.
She hates seeing it in his hands, and yet feels an odd thrum in her blood. Handling another person's wand is intimate, unusual, and though she wants to snatch it back from him, she also feels a flutter as he plays with it.
"No" He is to the point to, but she splutters in outrage at his words, and glares at him. How dare he! If he weren't blocking the door she'd storm out and report him! But no, she refuses to leave here without her wand, and that means she is going to have to take it back.
Though how she is supposed to take her wand back without having her wand she doesn't know.
He rolls his eyes at her then, and as if reading her mind speaks, "Take it off me, you don't need it to do so" If she weren't stubbornly sure that no 18 year old would be able to perform never mind effectively perform legilimency she'd be convinced he's in her head.
He smirks then, ugh she hates that, so smug and insufferable and…
"Narrow minded again Hermione" He tuts, stopping her in her thoughts, "Take it from me"
He lifts his hand then, curls his fingers and makes dismissing gesture, and her tie is uncurled from around her neck and flies right into his hand as though willing. Her eyes widen, and she just manages to smother down a gasp, and his smirk only grows.
"You don't need it to get it back" He pockets her tie then, and she takes a step forward, he shakes his head, "You're a witch, not a muggle, use your magic"
"I can't!" She protests because wandless magic? Possible yes, but very, very difficult. Of course, he can do it, the smug prat, but she is not sure she can.
She hates the fact she doubts herself, hates it more than she hates his smug face.
Again, he's smirking, and shakes his head, "Yes you can" His faith in her would be endearing if he weren't so infuriating. Though part of her does feel a little warm at the idea he is so sure she can perform complex magics, it warms her.
Even though she is convinced this may be beyond even her, she can't stand the look on his face, and yet his confidence in her bolsters her and so with a furious expression and a heart full of determination, she lifts her hand, and copies his motion, she flicks, curls her fingers and beckons to her wand he holds.
It doesn't fly to her as he can do, but it does yank in his hand, he manages to hold on, and yet it does something. She can't help her fury melting away and a delighted smile taking over her face, she grins, wandless magic! So difficult and draining and yet she managed it on her first try! Her grin is ear to ear, and when she looks across at Tom he is smiling too.
Smiling. Sure, there is some smugness there, but it is more of a smile. Her cheeks heat as she looks across at him, and her smile does not dissipate, not in the face of such an achievement, with Tom's proud expression somehow making her feel happier.
She has always lapped up praise, and yet from him it makes her feel strong, powerful.
She is not sure what that means.
She doesn't have much time to analyse it though, as her thoughts are scattered as Tom approaches her and holds out her wand, turning it in his palm to hand it to her, that smile still in place. Of course, he invades her personal space, stepping a touch too close. It makes her uneasy, but also makes something flutter in her stomach.
She doesn't know him, he shouldn't make her feel both nervous and angry, scared, and furious, slightly wanting and then disgusted. He makes her feel a myriad of emotions, some she didn't even know existed, and she can't control them. She doesn't like not having control, and perhaps that is what makes her uneasy most of all.
She feels better when she takes her wand, and she is tempted to turn it on him, and yet for some reason she doesn't. She doesn't say a word, but he speaks first.
"That was impressive" He praises her, and her cheeks heat read again, how easy she is to please, but she has always been flattered by praise.
"I didn't get it off you though" She admits, for she didn't, and though she is delighted the wandless magic worked, she is also annoyed it didn't fully. She is further annoyed that it comes so naturally to him, and not to her.
She may be the brightest witch of her generation, but she is not even close to him in power or ability.
"No" He concedes, and then he steps closer, and she is forced to tip her head back to keep his gaze, "But it was a nice try"
She humphs at that, for she is never commended for just trying, as she always succeeds.
"How are you so good?" She didn't mean to say that out loud, but she can't help it. Ever since he arrived here, even as he annoyed her, made her feel uneasy and nervous, that has been the presiding question. He is just 18 like her, how is he so good? "How?"
"Practice" She scoffs at that, she practices plenty and she is nowhere near him, "And talent" He admits, but again she rolls her eyes – she has talent, has it in spades she knows, the only person who might have more natural talent than her is Harry, but then he doesn't put the gruelling work hours in as she does (though he's got slightly better, he can still coast and do well). It can't just be talent.
"There has to be something more" He smirks at that, smile gone to smirk again, and she glares, but then his eyes are gazing into hers and her breath hitches without her meaning to, and she feels nervous and uneasy and slightly warm all over again.
Perhaps the question she has asked constantly since he arrived is not only, how is he so good? But also, why does he have such an effect on her? Not that she'll voice that out loud.
"Perhaps" He says with a shrug, and she knows there is something, but she also knows he isn't going to tell her, not now, maybe not ever. She reasons that she doesn't trust him, he doesn't trust her, he has no reason to share his secrets, even though she desperately wants to know.
"You're not going to tell me are you?" She asks, just to confirm, for she has always been curious and unable to contain such curiosity. 'Curiosity killed the cat' her mother would say, but from the age of 4 little Hermione would chirp back, 'But satisfaction bought it back!'. Sometimes she doesn't know when her own curiosity might land her in trouble.
"Not yet" At least he is honest, and she feels her tummy flip that one day he might tell her, let her in on the secret of how he is so good. Both so she knows, and so perhaps she can be as good as him.
She realises that is something she wants now, she has always been the best, she wants to be again, and if she can't be the best, she can get as close as possible.
"When?" His smirk grows then, and he shrugs.
"When you prove you deserve it"
Those words make her more nervous than anything else, she isn't sure fully what he means, but a part of her starts to panic, that perhaps she should leave, that curiosity might just kill the cat. She knows she must look worried, for he doesn't stop her as she hurries to the door, wand in hand. She doesn't even stop to ask for her tie back, just hurries out of the common room, past the startled Slytherin's and out into the corridor.
But she doesn't feel at ease, not even as she rushes back to Gryffindor Tower. His words repeat in her head, 'When you deserve it'. She isn't sure what he means, nor wants from her, but a horrible, dark part of her is tempted, to want to deserve it, to be as capable as him.
And that terrifies her more than his attention on her, or the way he acts. The fact she wants to deserve the knowledge he has is the most terrifying thing of all.
soo thoughts?
also the pacing on this fic might be a little different I guess? heavy interaction and then time skips, and such, but I'll let ya know.
pls comment if you enjoyed, follow/fav for updates.
speak soon!