Notes: Song recommendation / / "Stay Home" by American Football

Chapter 43
Nightfall

The sun was soon swallowed by the arriving dark when they reached the borderlands.

While the evening approached, the two Suna shinobi reached the border of the forested Land of Rivers. It was a land that was wedged between the expanse of lifeless desert they called home, and the rich and fertile Land of Fire. It also brought upon them memories. The Ishi-nin who attempted to steal away Nomasaki and her Kekkei Genkai, Gaara's revival from the late Chiyo the Elder, and even the last time they journeyed alone together when snows had graced them. Only this time, Konohagakure had become closer in their path. Although the journey to Konoha usually took three days thanks to the treacherous desert sands and scorching heat, Gaara's abilities made them save a great amount of time and energy.

By nightfall, the two made it to a small and lively village nestled within a bamboo forest with the Land of Rivers. Although the winds were cool and crisp with the lingering winter, civilians and merchants filled the central square with shouts and songs humming into the air. The neon lights the aged signage pointed towards signalled to them both a rest stop and a tourist trap. Stopping along the outskirts, they hung beside the road marked by bamboo shoots.

"Should we make camp?" Nomasaki asked.

Gaara eyed the village. "We'll be staying at an inn."

"An inn?" She hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"We're making good on time. Might as well use it to our advantage." He led the way. "Besides... an inn beats sleeping on the grass."

As he walked along the street side concealed by his white cloak and Kazekage hat, he glanced at the blinding signs above. Bright and loud pinks and yellows near blinded him as he met their humming ambience, and he soon found himself wondering if they would be the same aesthetic as the casino oasis where he was to meet his arranged bride. He had one week left. One week to spend with her - out of all times. With each sign he passed, the burgeoning reality of the council decision weighed heavier on his undecided shoulders while he secretly pined for his former assistant who watched over him as he snarling mask watched him from the shadow he cast.

It was a bitter feeling.

Further down the road near the dormant hot springs district, they reached the inn of his choosing. It appeared as if it were a small castle from the Warring States Era, its cobble walls gleaming in the moonlight as they entered. A small bar was in their sights to the far end of the large room, while a sign pointing towards the inn's hot springs stood alone in the empty evening. They were the only souls who entered, save for the two older men at the bar drinking sake. As his bodyguard disappeared within the shadows outside the regal inn, he reached the concierge to make arrangements for their brief stay.

"Hm?" The woman adjusted her glasses, looking him over with suspicion. "A stranger here to book a room?"

"For one night, please. Two people." From his pocket, he slid a small piece of parchment across the desk. "This should cover our stay."

Hesitating at first, the stout woman in the drab kimono took a puff of her cigarette and grabbed the slip. Upon seeing 'Kazekage' written on its details, she near choked on a breath as she gasped. "T-The Kazekage?! Here in my inn -?!"

"Is there a trouble?" Gaara asked, the shadow of his hat shielding his eyes as he talked. "We can stay somewhere else if you feel -,"

"N-No, no, sir. There's no trouble. Just... surprised, is all." Rummaging through the drawer, she pulled out a key and slid it back with his parchment. "That's more than enough to cover your stay, sir. Down the hall, eighth room on your right. It's our best one... the bed is comfy, too. There's a free voucher to the hot spring with your stay as well. I'm sure you and your... guest will appreciate it."

He flinched as he took the key back.

One bed and the hot springs. He did not know which one made him more flustered. And his former assistant was to stay with him. It was a mistake to come here. Kankurō would call him foolish for objecting to such an opportunity, but he stood firm in his conscience. "Did you say one bed? I believe there's been a mistake. It's two people, so we would need two separate... beds."

Dismayed with subtle confusion, the squinting inn keeper took a puff of her long cigarette as she watched him slid back the key. "I don't understand your request, sir. You booked a room for two, do you require more than one bed for a couple? Or are you and your guest interested in acquiring an escort from our red light district? They're very popular with the men, sometimes the women, too."

"No. No escorts, please." Gaara affirmed, staying calm. "There's only two of us. But… our room has only one bed. So, if you could… –,"

"Ah," The woman smiled. "You're a married couple, then, yes?"

Jolting from the question, he shook his head and averted his glance. "N… No –,"

"Well, a non-married couple running off together? For a romantic rendezvous?"

"No –,"

"What are you, then? Surely, you can't be siblings!"

"No… we're just… –!"

"Friends?" The innkeeper laughed. "Enjoy your stay… Next!"

Begrudgingly, Gaara took back his room key, both frustrated and flustered by the innkeeper's persistence. The room was just as she said - eighth room on the right. The key made a clack noise as he opened the door. Catching his interest, it was nicer than he expected. Lavish wall scrolls hung on the walls, a smooth table surrounded by cushions sat in the grand room's centre, and there was a porch that led to the castle's courtyard. And the sight of the bed drew him in. Pushing aside the distraction, he removed his cloak and hat and hung them by the door, followed by the gourd of sand. By all rights he should have been tired, but his insomnia was once again stirred by stress so the night was looking out to be a sleepless one. Examining his darkened surroundings, he realized that Nomasaki was nowhere to be seen. Stepping out on the open porch, he looked towards the pillar in the moonlit courtyard. Filled with vibrant flowering plants and small bamboo trees, the pond in its center reflected the crescent moon in utmost silence.

"You don't have to stand guard all night. I don't sleep, you don't have to."

Swiftly, she appeared within a silhouette as the light wind blew past, her figure revealed to be standing alongside the pillar before the pond. The porcelain curves of her wolfish mask appeared as if the beast was snarling at the winds. Effectively, she was indeed a well-decided replacement for Kankuro. "I know, but…" She spoke. "Moro-sama and the council ordered me to, and they summoned me here. I must follow my duties –,"

"You need your sleep."

Taking off her mask, she turned to him and softly smiled. In an instant. the familiarity of their past relationship was sown from the exchange. "Is that a direct order from the Kazekage himself?" Upon seeing him nod with a small and acknowledging smile visible on his lips, she looked down as she closed her eyes with a wolfish smirk, amused. "Well, there's no way I can object to that. Is there?" Giving in to his request, she made her way inside their room. As she walked towards the sleeping area, she noticed the lone bed off to the side untouched. Startled by the sight of only one bed to sleep in, she felt herself flinch in panic. Noticing her reaction and standing awkwardly behind her was the Kazekage, his tanuki-like eyes closed and his arms crossed against his chest, hoping she would pay no mind to his similar discomfort. "There's… only one bed?"

Averting his glance, he hid his previous embarrassment with a stoic expression. "You can have it."

"Oh… well, thank you." She nodded.

Taking off her shoes and headband, she unbuttoned her flak jacket and placed her items along the wall beside the bed. As she stepped towards the porch's open sliding doors, she sat on its step. Feeling the wind graze her, she lightly chuckled to herself for a moment. "It's been quite a while since we last had a mission together, hasn't it? It feels good to have the choice... rather than feeling I had a kunai to my throat."

"You chose?"

She nodded. "I... wanted to come back. I wanted to see all that I missed, and... I wanted to see you."

Seizing the opportunity to socialize with his estranged comrade, Gaara followed her to the porch and sat beside her. Flinching from his sudden closeness, she forgot his chakra was all around her in her moonlit daze. Pulling a small bag of deer jerky from her pack, she gestured to him as she bit into a slice. A carnivore at all times – all he ever saw her eat was meat. The scent of the food was strong, averting his interest. He was more of a gizzard person, he decided. "No, thank you." He politely declined. Following her gaze to the moon that night, he searched for ways to speak with her. And he had to take any chance he could before the mission was over. "How was your stay… in Yamagakure? Since it was rebuilt, I mean."

"It was incredible, if I'm to be honest. The village is restored, my clan survives, and my father is the chieftain. Not to mention, the times are peaceful and the village is able to flourish, even greater than it once had. I couldn't ask for anything more." She sighed, a smile on her lips. "This might sound strange, but... I swear I had a dream like this, where the village existed. And now that dream has come to fruition, and I've helped it grow with my father and all the others. My clan survived, all of them hiding in different lands… and now they are back where they belong. I've learned so much from them... and that in itself is invaluable."

Back where they belong, and where you belong, too. The thought stung, but he was glad. "I see. I guess I should really make an effort to come visit, then."

"I'd appreciate that very much." Guilt swimming into her chest, her glance lowered to her lap. "Gaara, if I can ask you something... How come you never responded to my letters? I... never heard from you, from either of those three that I sent. That's why I asked earlier if you had grown to hate me... I was worried me leaving made you upset. So if you're upset, you can tell me."

The question jolted him. And he knew how much the notion hurt her. Feeling responsible for her quiet, he averted his eyes to the garden. "I... wanted to, Nomasaki. I just didn't know how." Turning to her, he met her glance in the moonlight. "But I read them all. And I'm glad that you told me all that you've seen and done. I'm proud of you and what you've become." After seeing the surprised relief in her violet eyes, he looked to his lap. "If only I could've done something for my clan... but all they know is the sands that swallowed them." And now the council is pushing a forced marriage for a godforsaken heir.

Turning to him as she sat close by on the wooden porch, she averted her glance slightly. Taking the plunge, she decided to extend a hand to their previous closeness. He was still the Kazekage, but nothing much else has changed about him, she assured herself. "Forgive me for asking, but… you're from a clan, right? The Kazekage clan? Or rather… are there other clans in Suna? I haven't noticed since I emigrated, and I've been told of... the banishments by Moro-sama and others. Is your family the only one left in Suna?"

"There are four surviving noble families of Suna. Samamoto, Kurogane, Hōki, and my clan... of the Kazekage." He nodded, gazing down at his lap. "Rather than a clan system like other regions, the Land of Wind is comprised of various families. My family is one of them. And as you're aware, it was my ancestor that made sure there were no other clans wielding Kekkei Genkai in Sunagakure... and that was marked by forced exiles, fūinjutsu, and purges."

Following his gaze to the gardens, she swallowed the words he spoke. "It's unthinkable, what happened back then... At least the times are slowly changing." She turned to him, giving a small and hesitant smile. "What can you tell me of your clan? If you don't mind me asking."

After a shared gaze, he turned back to the moonlit gardens, searching his mind for answers of his scattered and mysterious people. "The clan… they are within the desert. Not much is known of them, aside from the fact that they founded Sunagakure with their strength." Looking down at his lap, he gazed at his pale hands before him. "I carry a Kekkei Genkai from them… Magnet-Release… I keep it hidden as a last resort for my sand, so that's why I've never told you. They still exist somewhere, but… they are driven mad with mania, supposedly…"

"Mania?"

"Apparently there is an old saying in Suna that goes along the lines of 'the curse of mania'. My people suffered from it, so maybe that's why they live in isolation… to escape judgement. Who knows?"

"That's why… the Kazekage position is inherited, isn't it?"

"Yes," He nodded, with a brief sigh. "My great-great grandfather Reto was the First Kazekage… Then my father, Rasa of the Gold Dust… was the Fourth."

"I'm surprised I never figured it out, and I've been in Suna for how long? Seven years?"

A faint chuckle left his lips. "It's not exactly common knowledge."

Reminiscing, she smiled to herself as she sat on the porch beside him. Placing her palm under her chin while she gazed out into the gardens, she chuckled lightly to herself. "Now that I think about it, those boys who bullied me years ago said something about the clan system while they were insulting me," She remarked. "They called me an 'inbred'... The ignorance of the Suna culture certainly introduced itself to me back then."

"They were coming from a place of learned habit," He spoke. "Our lands never had much contact from the outside, so you were a rare exception."

"You stepped in and stopped them from hurting me," She sighed softly. "You used your sand. Do you remember?"

"They certainly didn't put up much of a fight," He nodded, the faint evidence of a smile evident on his lips. "At least they left you alone after that."

"If you hadn't shown up, I would've been able to scare them off myself."

"With your Kekkei Genkai?"

"Hmm... I wasn't able to control it as good back then since I wasn't fully used to it... but perhaps." As her gaze trailed towards the small pool of water within the moonlit gardens, she smiled to herself. "Something you may not know about my clan," Turning towards her, his eyes gave a curious glint. "My people have guarded the mountains since the age of the Sage of Six Paths. There's a legend my mom would tell me before I would go to sleep about the Sage trusting a wolf to protect the mountains where they lived for the other clans… The wolf had purple eyes like me, and they were said to look that way so that the mountain-folk would know who it was that was protecting them from the shadows."

Looking down at her lap, she smiled warmly to herself, remembering the kind and ever-loving presence of her mother. She missed her deeply. Refusing to acknowledge her memory from the war, she remembered her mother as the doting, caring, and kind-hearted woman who devoted her life to being her mother. Her soft hands that would pick her up when she fell, the soothing voice of comfort that would sing her to sleep, the soft white fur of her wolf form that kept her warm on cold winter nights – she was honored to have been her daughter.

"I used to hate the color of my eyes… But when I think of what my mother would tell me… I like to imagine that Suna sees me as protecting them."

Smiling to himself in empathy, the Kazekage took in her soft words of the legend. He always liked the color of her eyes, he realized – they were as vibrant as the lilacs of spring from the distant lands of the east. He wanted to gaze into them forever – he was certain of that. Catching himself dwelling on the aura of her eyes, he stopped himself from dwelling any further. What is coming over me? Of all times...

Standing up on the porch, she gave a brief stretch of her arms and yawned, her pointed canines making an appearance as a light yawn escaped from her jaws. "Well… I guess it's time to turn in for the night. It's late, and we have an early morning."

Her words caught his attention. Standing up as well, he gazed at her from the porch they stood upon – its sliding doors still open in the night. Unsure of what to say, he watched her from behind as she looked at the night sky from their room, placing her hand on the door frame. "If I can ask you one thing,"

"Yes?"

Averting his glance from her, his ringed-eyes closed halfway in hidden sadness. "What did you want to ask me that time three years ago… that time before the war?"

Surprised, she jolted from the question, remembering it well in her memory. "Oh! That's right," She said, glancing to him. "Do you… still want to know what it was?" As she seen him nod once from her back, she returned her gaze towards him – turning her body in his direction. "Alright, well… What I wanted to ask was… When you look at me, what do you see?"

As the winds rose that night, the curtain of the doorway blew lightly before her ivory face. When it returned, his ringed-eyes widened at the sight. The young woman he knew since before he was Kazekage had the face of a wolf. A beast. Complete with pointed ears, nose, and fangs in its closed jaws, its expression was painted with a pleading human glance – her lilac eyes soft in the night but just as mesmerizing. Her appearance was not grotesque – but intriguing. In a strange way, it captivated him as the winds blew softly that night between them and the open porch doors.

"Do you see me as a wolf? Or… a human? That's what I wanted to ask you." Stunned by her mysterious beauty, he stood silent. While the curtain flowed by her again and returned to the doorframe, her wolf features disappeared as if they were never there to begin with. Upon seeing his reaction, she averted her gaze from his in a timid and embarrassed nature. "I… was always embarrassed to show you this…" She whispered. "I've known you for so long, and yet I still hid this from you." As her eyes grew saddened, she lightly chuckled to herself – masking her visible shame. "I'm… literally a wolf in sheep's clothing."

"…I see you." He finally spoke, no hesitation on his tone whatsoever. Surprising her, she looked up to him, meeting his gaze of warmth and calm – causing her to feel a flutter in her chest. Slowly, he approached her and held her close - his arms softly holding her with upmost care and protective nature. While she stood silent, her eyes widened from his gesture. After two years of being apart, he still held affection for her. As he held her in his arms, he closed his eyes – thinking carefully of what to say while his heart pounded in anticipation of what to do next. "Forgive me, but… I'm still learning how to properly express… how I feel."

"It's okay, I trust you." She said, gently, accepting his warmth as she returned the embrace. "You're the Kazekage, you have more important things to worry about."

"You're important to me." Surprising her from his words, he let go of her – his arms at his sides as he looked down at the tatami floor beneath them. "Nomasaki, during the war… I meant everything I said to you. I did."

Sympathetically, she gazed at him with glistening eyes, a small chuckle passed her lips as she gently smiled from his words. "I know, I… feel the same. But we should talk about this when we return to Suna. You're still my superior, after all."

Slightly surprised, her unexpected reply made him feel embarrassed, not realizing how weak his grasp was on certain emotions and expressing feelings with others. It was still evident he had a lot to learn. "You're right," He replied, averting his glance. "I'm… sorry."

As she walked past him, she felt a slide of sand sweep under her. Startling herself, she gasped as she noticed her plunge towards the tatami floor. Jolting him, he reacted by starting towards her falling body. Then, he felt his feet leave the floor as well. His own sand had plotted against him. He lost his footing suddenly, bewildering him as he felt the air brush past him.

"Kazekage-sama–?!"

With a thud muffled by the sands, Gaara caught Nomasaki before her back could hit the floor. Her eyes wide and cheeks flushed red, she saw the Kazekage towering over her, his hands pressed into the sands by her head. Their eyes boring into each other in that moment, hers saw nothing but the endless sea of turquoise while he became lost in the lilacs of spring. Realizing his position, he jolted over her. He froze, his ringed-eyes widened as a wave of red grew on his stunned expression.

"Nomasaki…–,"

They were mere breaths apart from another – the closest they have ever been. She felt her heart pound inside her chest, realizing how close she was to her lips touching his. If he were to have been a second too late, she swore she would have melted into the sands below. There he was – a Kage, his height overwhelming hers as he locked his tanuki-like eyes with her. She could feel his chakra all around her in that moment, grasping her warmly from their closeness. His strength was frightening yet alluring all at once, exciting her in a way. As she looked into his eyes, she could not help but notice the vibrance to his shaggy crimson hair, the haunting kanji of 'love' marked above his eye, and the sharpness of his jawline. Her fluttering heart could not even begin to process such a fantasy, her dutiful mind telling her to ignore it. But she did not listen. She could not listen to reason. Her body and mind were frozen underneath him, unmoving. The tension between them had never been so intense before – for either of them.

The silence made it unbearable.

He found himself thinking about her eyes again as he stared into them. The flecks of violet were so vibrant, near gravitating to him. Pooled behind where she lay on the sands was her golden hair – long, straight and silk-like. It appeared almost as golden as the desert sun itself. He noticed the soft features of her blushing porcelain face, her skin near as white as the snow from her mountain homeland. She had a sweet smell to her, woven into each strand her long hair. Catching him aback, he suddenly realized how beautiful she was. The feelings of desire he pushed back in his mind had suddenly taken the forefront of his thoughts.

He wanted her.

He loved her.

Snapping out of his stunned daze, he lifted himself up.

"…Sorry."

Brushing the sands off his lap, he moved his palm towards her. Startling her, the sands at her back rose her from her position on the floor. Near stumbling on her feet, she fidgeted her footing and adjusted her shirt. Averting her flustered expression as she dusted off her lap, she hesitated to speak. "I-It's alright. It was… my fault." She finally spoke, shyly meeting his eyes. "Gaara-sama. I... should've been looking to where I was going." As if the night could not have gotten any more awkward, she saw it within her sights. Before her in the brief glimmer of moonlight was the bed. It had exquisite sheets and pillows that made her yearn for a long-night's sleep. Knowing that it was the only bed in the room for the two of them, she felt her heart sputter in her chest again. As she made her way to the bed, she paused, glancing at the young Kazekage from the corner of her eye – her cheeks pink and her heart empathetic. "You… can sleep in the bed with me, if you want. You can have the other side."

Surprised and flustered by her offer, he averted his glance. "I don't think I can." He answered, quietly. "My insomnia… I still struggle with it."

"Do you want me to stay up with you?"

"You need your sleep more than me. Go to sleep."

"Alright," She gave in, as she made her way into the blankets. Once she was comfortable, she turned the other way. "I just… feel bad for taking up this bed while you have to sit awake all night." Hearing the sound of the sliding doors close by the porch, she sensed him approaching where she lay – surprising her as lay down on top of the blankets beside her.

"If it's fine with you…" He began, slight nervousness on his voice. "I'll just… lay here, next to you. Is that… okay?"

Ready for sleep, she closed her eyes, smiling softly to herself at his actions. "Like I said before, I trust you."

With that being said, they shared the bed that night. Although Nomasaki slept soundly, Gaara's insomnia prevented him from catching his rest. That night, he thought about what was to happen when they returned home and how he felt about her.

He was at a loss…

For the first time in months, sleep graced him.

Stirring, his eyes slowly opened from the light that intruded from the windows. He could feel the weight of his insomnia leave him as he woke, but he reminded himself it would be short-lived. The first thing he saw was the hue of gold before him. It was then he suddenly realized that his hands trailed in his sleep. Although he could feel the warmth of the blankets covering her, he was able to clearly sense the gentle hum of her breathing and the woman who slept beside him. Flinching, he retracted his hold of Nomasaki who still lay sleeping in utter silence. Fortunately, his sand played no part.

Tiredly, she stirred. She gave a small yawn and turned over in the blankets, meeting his nervous eyes. "Were you asleep?"

She doesn't know. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his messy hair, sitting up on the mattress while she stood from the bed. "I'm... not sure. If you don't mind, I need to take care of some things here. You can use the hot springs voucher, if you want. I'm not going to use it."

"Oh," She raised a brow, taking the voucher from the swirling sand's grasp. "Thank you." Before taking her leave, she hesitated and her glance lingered. "Are you sure you don't need me to watch over you? I'm to guard you on your travels."

He nodded. "I'm sure."

"Alright. I'll be back later." After gathering the bathrobes placed beside the bed by the inn-keep, she paused by the open door, her violet eyes marked by the sun. "We should leave by noon so we can reach Konoha by tomorrow morning."

"I'll be here."

The door slid closed with a clack.

Once he was sure she was gone, Gaara got up from the bed and started for the small table in the centre of the room. Taking out his back behind the cloak, he laid out a piece of blank parchment and drew out a pen. It was two years since the first letter, but he still wanted to reply - no matter how long it took. After reading over the first letter she sent, the pen started to write as if by itself.

"Nomasaki,

It's good to hear from you, I was hoping you made it to Yamagakure safely but knowing you I shouldn't question that. I'm glad that your clan is thriving, and yes – I'd like to meet them someday once all this post-war business is done. And don't apologize for leaving, you have the freedom to make your own choices and I respect that. You've been through more than I've known and you deserve the right to leave that pain in the past. You're a strong person in body and spirit, and your resolve is as just as you are."

The pen paused.

"To tell you the truth, I've been thinking about you. I'm quite busy with my duties, but oftentimes I find myself thinking you're still here helping me work late into the night (does that sound familiar?). I hope you're at peace in Yama, and I'll do my best to come see the restoration for myself. Maybe we can get tea and talk – like we used to in Suna.

From, Gaara."

Feeling the sun grow stronger from the open porch doors, he decided he would write again later.

The door slid open quietly as Nomasaki returned from her bath.

Paying her no mind, Gaara let her have her privacy as she stepped behind the shoji screen and kept to his letters. Wringing out her long hair, the faint evidence of cold tangled its way free from the golden strands. She had a nice bath, albeit short-lived. When she entered the bathing pools, a shroud of dimmed frost still clung to the rocks and shrines that surrounded the waters. Taking her first steps after disrobing, a housekeeper ran after. "My lady -?! It's too cold! The spring water isn't yet warm this time of year!", she shouted. It was only after she saw the stranger walk into the frigid waters that she froze in awe and horror. Smiling up at the woman, Nomasaki replied "It's alright. I like it cold." - and the woman left her to enjoy her scarce twenty minutes of silence. After brushing out the tangles in her hair, her robe fell from her shoulders as she dressed herself in her shinobi clothes once more starting with her pants.

Donning his hat and cloak, Gaara made the mistake of turning too soon towards his bodyguard. With her back turned and her pants pulled to her waist, he caught a brief glimpse of her bare back. In the faint sunlight, he saw all that marked her. The scars were pink and sewn to her pale flesh, spreading across her shoulder blades as if cuts from some great beast. Some even trailed down to her lower back, leaving all their evidence upon her. He could not bring himself to look away out of shame, guilt, and anger. Hurt filled his eyes, watching her don her long-sleeved shirt from across the room.

Feeling a gaze upon her, Nomasaki turned. "Something wrong, Gaara-sama?"

"No," He lied, averting his glance. "It's nothing... don't mind me."

Taking his answer, she fastened her flak jacket and donned her porcelain mask and started for the outside towards the courtyard. Following behind, his heart sank further as he remembered the horrid indents placed upon her fair skin. The price for her loyalty and for her defiance to betray him. Five. There's five lashes.

And he knew he had five reasons to tell her everything.