A/N: Many Thanks to SWWoman! I apologize for the length of time between chapters. Due to personal issues, and chronic pain it's been difficult to write on a regular basis. I hope to be able to more often, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through some testing to help deal with my chronic pain. Thanks to everyone who has waited patiently and reviewed, so let's get on with the show...
A More Conventional Life 4
After the debacle with Layla's case Joss and John met at a local bar not far from her place. At first they sat quietly beside each other, each gathering their thoughts. The apology had been made, and accepted. It was time to move forward without looking back. There was one thing left to do, Joss had to make him understand first.
"There has to be trust in a relationship, John, for it to survive," Joss said softly, looking into his blue eyes that shone silver in the subdued lighting of the bar.
John looked down at his beer, and then took a long drink. "Trust runs two ways, Joss," he said quietly, meeting her eyes again.
"I know, and I do trust you, but John, I don't trust easily, so as you said, trust runs two ways. I need your trust, too," Joss replied, never breaking eye contact, and not letting him turn this on her.
John stared at Joss for a long time, and then nodded his head. "You're right, Carter. I don't trust easily, either, but, I trust you." The sincerity in his eyes nearly took her breath away.
"Then we're good," Joss breathed, and then reached over, putting her hand over his that was lying on the bar. The familiar heat they both always felt at the slightest touch raced through each of them, but neither removed their hand. She took this as a step in the right direction because normally he would avoid physical contact with her if at all possible.
Unfortunately, Joss had to go. She had to go home, make dinner for her son Taylor, make sure he did his homework, and do all of the other little chores that went along with working and keeping a household. So she reluctantly slid her hand from John's, and began to get ready to leave. "I'll call you later tonight, and we can talk….just talk for a while," as she got up she looked into his eyes. There was something unreadable swimming in their stunning depths, and she wished she knew what he was thinking.
For a moment, John lost himself in her dark, luminous eyes. Joss had forgiven him for his mistake with Layla, but not only that, in her mind, it was forgotten. He had never met anyone with such a capacity to forgive, and for the first time since that night in the foyer, he wondered if he was making a mistake in not letting her in. Then he remembered, normal lives were not meant for people like him. He was the dark. She was the light. How could the two ever coexist? But he knew he could never stay away from her completely. She drew him to her like a moth to a bright, hot flame, seeking her warmth and light from the dark places of his mind.
He finally realized that Joss was waiting for him to tell her it was okay to call him, and John gave her a small smile. "Sure, I look forward to it." She smiled back, and then turned, leaving the bar.
John watched her leave with a pang of regret, knowing he could never have what he truly longed for with Joss. He would allow himself at least this, though. To talk to her, even if he could never have anything more.
Joss hurried home, fixed her and Taylor a simple meal of broccoli/cheese/cream of mushroom soup in a bread bowl* , and then they watched a basketball game together until Taylor had to go do his homework.
It was while they were watching the game that Joss came up with the idea of inviting John over to watch a game with her, and her boy. She could fix something simple like she did tonight for dinner, or they could order pizza or something. It would be casual, and her son would be there so John couldn't think she was trying to "catch" him, which, of course, was exactly what she was doing. Just a friend asking another friend if he wanted to watch the game.
She scrolled through her menu on her TV to see when the next Knicks game was. It was this Thursday, and to her surprise, and delight, they were playing Washington! He would not be able to pass that up, especially if she did a little trash talk before the upcoming game. As she sat on her couch, and thought about food choices, pizza would probably be best for the first time to keep it as casual as possible, it occurred to her that she should probably talk to Taylor first, not just surprise him with John on their doorstep.
Although John had been in her house many times, she had never actually invited him over for a particular occasion. Taylor didn't know anything about her "pursuit" of John so she should probably tell him at least part of what was going on. She rose from the couch, and made her way upstairs to Taylor's room, stopping just outside the closed door. She took a deep breath then knocked softly on the door.
Joss heard Taylor's muffled "come in" through the closed door then opened it to find him at his desk still doing his homework. "Hey, Tay, you got a minute?"
Taylor looked at his mom, and knew right away that this was going to be one of "those" conversations. "Sure, mom. What's up?"
Joss moved further into the room, and took a seat on his bed then patted the space beside her, indicating he should sit there. He moved to sit by his mom then turned to face her. "What's going on, mom. You look kinda serious. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, T, everythings okay, but you're right. I do have something serious to talk to you about," Joss replied quietly. Without going into the details of what happened in the foyer, she tried to explain the change in her relationship with John, and how she wanted him to be a part of her life….their lives. When she had finished Taylor was quiet for a few minutes.
"So you really care about him, don't you?" He finally asked, looking Joss in the eyes.
"Yes, T, I do. And I think he's worth fighting for even if he doesn't," Joss replied with conviction.
"Well, if anybody can help John, it's you, mom. And as long as you're happy, I'm good," Taylor said with a smile.
Joss returned his smile. "Good. Then on that note, what do you think about inviting John over for Thursday night's Knicks game….as a friend?" She asked with a twinkle in her eye.
Taylor's smile broadened. "Mom, John doesn't have a chance. I think it would be great…as a friend." They both laughed, and Joss hugged her son then left so he could get back to his homework.
Later that night, after she had cleaned up after dinner, and finished her usual nightly regimen, she lay in bed wearing a soft, light-blue, nightshirt that fell just above her knees. She got settled, reached over to her night stand, and picked up her phone to call John. It rang only twice before she heard his soft, sexy voice that sent a shiver down her spine.
"Hello Detective," John answered. He had been waiting impatiently for her to call.
"Hey John," Joss replied in kind. "So, how was your evening?"
"Not that exciting. Finch called, and said we have another number. I'll start on it in the morning," John answered.
"Need any help?" The question hung between them as they both remembered the first time she had asked him that. He had been drunk, and living on the streets, but was brought to her precinct after he got into a fight with some young punks on the subway. He had looked so lost, and something about him had touched her even then.
"If I do, you'll be my first call," John was remembering that first time they met, and how her compassion had reached out to him. She had seen past the drunk, and saw the man inside who was so lost he couldn't help himself, so she had offered to help him. He remembered feeling her empathy, and understanding of his situation even though she didn't know the details of his life. He had felt a warmth from her that he hadn't felt from anyone in a very long time, A warmth he was drawn to till this day. "So how's Taylor?" he asked to lighten the conversation.
"He's good. He made an A in algebra which I was never able to do. Those x's and y's made my head spin," she replied, and heard him chuckle on the other end.
"Speaking of Taylor," Joss had figured out the perfect way to invite John over Thursday night. "We wanted to ask you if you'd like to come over Thursday, and watch the game with us? I figured we could order a pizza, and just hang out. Taylor's been wanting to see you again since you rescued him, so how about it?"
There was silence for so long that if Joss hadn't heard John breathing she would have thought he had hung up. "I don't know, Carter…." he began.
"Oh, come on, John. It would be the three of us, and he really would like to see you. Just friends watching the game, and hanging out," she pursued.
John really would like to see the kid again. He and Taylor had talked about sports, and other topics while waiting for his mom to finish booking Elias. He liked Taylor, and had enjoyed his company even if it was under such circumstances. What would be the harm in just going over to watch the game with him? He and Joss wouldn't be alone, so there wouldn't be any possibility of a repeat of the foyer. He couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that washed over him at the thought.
"Yeah, okay," John found himself saying. "If we don't have a number to work on, I'll hang out with Taylor, and watch the game."
Joss smiled at how John made sure to point out that he was coming over because of Taylor. That's fine, it was all part of the plan. "Good. I'll let Taylor know. He'll be excited to see the badass who rescued him," Joss laughed softly, and heard a chuckle in return from John.
After that they moved on to other topics. Joss did most of the talking, as usual, but she was able to get John to say a little bit, but nothing too revealing. They talked for about twenty more minutes, and then said goodnight.
Joss was happy with the way things had gone, and was looking forward to Thursday night when she could actually spend some down time with John. She just prayed there wasn't a number that night to spoil her plans.
John laid his phone on the side table next to the bed, and then stretched out on his back, staring at the ceiling. After his call with Joss, he felt settled, centered once again; while they hadn't been talking his world had tipped off its axis, but now all was right again.
He thought about the invitation to watch the game with her and Taylor, and a soft smile crept over his face. Joss thought she was being clever by using Taylor as an excuse to invite John over, and it was, but he knew the real reason for the invitation. It was part of her plan to "catch" him.
Well, John had had a lot of time to think while they weren't speaking to each other. He realized that Joss was someone he had to have in his life. He still had doubts that they would ever have a relationship that went further than a close friendship because of all the danger that followed him. He had people after him that wanted him dead. How could he bring Joss and Taylor into that kind of life? If he did, would he be able to protect them, not just physically but emotionally, from the fallout if he were caught…or killed?
For some reason, Joss believed he was a good man. John had thought he had lost that part of himself a long time ago, and that he could never get it back. Maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong, and somehow, through all the darkness, he had been able to hold on to some part of his humanity. He just wasn't completely convinced yet, but even if that was so, he couldn't deny the danger he would be putting Joss and Taylor in by being a fixture in their lives.
The smile had faded from his face quickly. That meant no contact outside of his and Joss's working relationship. There was no way John could go "hang out" with Joss and Taylor, and watch the game. That would only induce another invitation for something, and he didn't know if he would have the strength to say no if he went the first time. He would have to call Joss and cancel. Disappointment flooded his body.
So much for being centered and settled, John thought. His world had just tipped off its axis again.
*This idea came from Force Of Nature by iheartShules. A very good read. I highly recommend it if you haven't read it.
A/N: John just can't seem to get out of his own way can he? Maybe something will change in the next chapter...who knows? See you soon...hopefully, lol...
Please R&R