A/N: T/Y SWWoman!

A More Conventional Life 5

It had been a long day, and it seemed like it might be even longer. Joss hadn't heard from John since she had gone to the hospital after the call had gone out for the armored truck robbery, and she had found him struggling to get up from his hospital bed in the emergency room. She had calmly walked over, and slid her hand over his back, looking down at him. When he had looked back at her, the pain in his eyes nearly broke her heart, but she knew the pain wasn't for himself. He was once again taking on the responsibility and guilt for the driver's death, which wasn't his to take. She had said softly "You look like you could use some help," and he had only nodded, sliding his arm around her shoulders as she wrapped a blanket around his body then put her arm around his waist. He had held her close to his body as they walked to a couple of chairs in the hallway. With her arm around his waist, she had pulled him closer, giving him as much comfort as she could without saying a word. She knew he would be eager to track down Tommy Clay, the man who shot him in the back, and killed the driver, as soon as he could. Sure enough, as soon as he spoke to Finch, he threw off the blanket, and left the hospital in search of Clay.

That had been hours ago, and the only information Joss had was from Finch that John was on his way to catch Tommy, and needed her assistance. She was unable to go, though, because Snow had shown up while she was talking to Finch. Now she was home. She had fixed dinner, and sent Taylor off to do his homework. She did a few chores around the house, and then settled on the couch with a glass of wine. She was really worried about John. She didn't know if he had been able to get Fusco to help him or if he was in trouble. She couldn't risk looking for him in case Snow was following her, and she didn't want to call him if he was busy. She was hoping to talk to him tonight but a glance at the clock on the mantle showed it was getting late, and that might not be possible.

With a sigh, she decided to go upstairs, and get ready for bed. If John hadn't called her by the time she had changed, and laid down, then Joss would take the risk, and call him. She stopped outside of Taylor's bedroom door, and knocked lightly before opening the door, told him goodnight then headed for her own room. She changed, brushed her teeth, washed her face, and had just finished applying her favorite jasmine lotion when her phone rang. She picked it up immediately.

"Hello Detective," John's soft, sexy voice flowed from the telephone, sending a shiver down her spine.

"John, I'm so glad you called," Joss was a little breathless because of the wave of relief that swept over her knowing he was okay.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, catching the urgency in her voice.

"Yes, everything's fine. I just didn't know if you were okay after talking to Finch earlier this evening, and I was worried, and then I didn't know if I should call because you might not be finished with your case, so..," Joss knew she was rambling, but she was just so glad to hear from him.

There was a slight pause as John processed what Joss had said. He wasn't used to somebody worrying about him, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. He didn't want her to worry about him, but somewhere deep down part of him was glad because that meant she cared. But he didn't want her to care about him, did he? "I'm fine, Joss. No worse for wear," he said softly. It was the only answer he could give her. He heard her sigh of relief, and still felt conflicted about that.

"Good, so were you able to get Fusco to help?"

"Actually, yes, he did help," John replied, and then told her what happened, that Clay was dead, his girlfriend Ashley had turned on him, and shot him in the back. Then while she was trying to get away, she was shot by HR, who had set up the heist. He left out the part about Fusco killing the Captain to save John's life because that would just bring up too many questions that he couldn't answer.

Joss was quiet for a minute while she absorbed what he had told her. The way he told it, it sounded plausible, and she believed that it happened the way he said it did, but her gut told her that wasn't all to the story. She shrugged to herself, and decided to move on to Thursday night.

"Sounds pretty complicated with everybody turning on everybody, but I guess it worked out in the end. It's too bad you couldn't get the platinum back. So, are you gonna be ready for a beat down when you come over for the game on Thursday?" Joss asked with a smile in her voice.

"About that," John began. Actually Snow's appearance gave him a good reason to cancel their plans on Thursday. "I don't think it would be a good idea for me to be hanging around your place while Snow is still in town. He could be watching you."

Joss was devastated. "John, you can't cancel. Taylor is really looking forward to this, and I really don't think Snow is following me," she said, contradicting her reason for not going to help him when Finch had called earlier.

"Really. Then how did he know you were talking to the FBI, Joss?"

Dammit! Joss didn't have an answer for that one. "That still doesn't mean he's watching my place," she tried lamely.

"Nice try, but I can't risk you getting into trouble because of me. You have too much to lose, Joss," John hoped she understood his double meaning. He could never have a life with her for this very reason.

"John," Joss whispered pleadingly, and he knew she understood. He hated to hear her so disappointed, but there was nothing that could be done.

"Listen, it's been a long couple of days, and I need some rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow?" John said quietly. He had to get off this phone before he said something he shouldn't.

"Okay, John. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good night," Joss responded just as quietly, disappointment dripping from her voice, and then they both disconnected.

Joss didn't know what she could do. With Snow still in town, and the possibility that he was watching her, she couldn't risk seeing John or he might get caught. She fell back onto her pillow, and stared up at the ceiling. It seemed the universe was conspiring against her when it came to convincing John he could have a life with her. As long as Snow and Donnely were in the picture it made it that much more difficult. How could they have a life together right under the nose of the CIA and the FBI?

Joss didn't know, but she was determined to find a way.

John lay in his bed, just as Joss was in her own, staring up at the ceiling. When she had first invited him over he had been excited to be able to spend some time with her and Taylor outside of work. Of course as he thought about it, he eventually talked himself out of going, intending to cancel. He had been right. With Snow keeping tabs on her, and the FBI setting up the new task force with Donnely, there was no way John could ever be seen with her. He was beginning to wonder if he should limit his working relationship as well, but could he do it? He already craved seeing her; that's why he had called her tonight, to at least hear her voice. Her very presence soothed and calmed him, her voice was like a balm to his soul. He knew it was selfish of him but, how could he give that up?

With these thoughts swirling in his head, John drifted into a restless sleep, and right into the dream of the little boy standing by the graveside. It was gray and raining as it always was in his dreams. The people around the little boy were speaking softly of his father's heroism, saving those people, and yet the boy remained stoic, showing no emotion. The question of Why? still echoed as it always did. From him? From the boy?

This dream was different, however. As the boy stood beside the grave, a woman knelt down beside him. She had smooth, golden-brown skin, large, soft, brown eyes, and she wrapped her arms around the boy, speaking to him tenderly, lovingly, compassionately. The boy looked at her with wide, blue-gray eyes that were welling up with tears, and then called out, "Joss." He threw himself in the woman's arms. Something broke inside the tortured little boy as his body shook with grief and remorse, confusion and fear, and he cried bitterly, "Why?".

A strangled "Why!" was ripped from John as he sat straight up in bed, tears streaming down his face. The woman had been Joss! Why was she in his dream, and why had the tormented little boy turned to her so willingly when no one else could reach him? The question, Why?, plagued John.

Without thinking, John reached for his phone, and punched in a number. When the person finally answered, sounding as if he had awakened them from sleep, he desperately sobbed in a ragged voice, "Joss I need you".

A/N: So. Where does John and Joss go from here? Good question. See you soon...

Please R&R