A/N: Thank you SWWoman for your hard work and support. I'd like to say thank you to everyone who left a guest review. I wish I could answer you personally, but this will have to do for now. Thank you, and keep them coming. Your reviews, all of them, inspire me to write more and more. Thanks!
A More Conventional Life 7
Joss pulled out of John's embrace slowly, and her heart broke at the devastated look on John's face. She had meant what she said. If it was in her power to do so, she would never let him lose another person he cared for. She felt, though, that he hadn't told her what was truly upsetting him. Yes, he had faced some of his fears from his childhood, but there was something deeper that he was unwilling to acknowledge. She looked deep into his still stormy blue eyes, and could see he was struggling with some unknown demon that was eating away at his soul. She gently stroked his cheek, and his eyes slid shut, and he sighed, as if this small affection soothed him like a balm.
"John, look at me," Joss commanded softly, and he did. "Tell me," she gently urged again. At first, John's expression was one of surprise, then his gaze dropped, and he turned away from her.
"Tell you what, Joss?" John finally asked after they had sat in silence for a good few minutes. "I've told you everything," he said, looking back at her, and although his eyes were still troubled, they were also shuttered. Despite his attempt to conceal it, she could see something that she could only describe as disgust. She could also see he was beginning to erect that impenetrable wall again, and she couldn't let that happen.
Gently, Joss reached out to take his hand again. John stiffened slightly, but didn't pull away. "John, there is something more than what we've talked about. It's right there in your eyes, but you've buried it so deep for so long it's starting to break you down. Let me help you," she was practically begging him.
John raised his eyes, and Joss gasped at the total hopelessness she saw there. "No one can help me. The damage is already done…and can't be undone." His voice was hollow, without any emotion, filled with disgusted acceptance of some imagined truth only he could claim. He rose from the couch, and walked to the small window where he often looked out when he was troubled.
What John said, however, only made Joss more determined to see him through this. She stood up, and walked over to stand behind him, placing a hand on his back softly. He immediately tensed, as if he was so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn't heard her step behind him.
"John, look at me," Joss commanded for the second time that night. She thought he was going to ignore her at first, but he turned to look at her as she had commanded.
The tears were gone. The man that stood before Joss was just a shadow of the man she had been talking to, holding in her arms, only moments ago. His whole demeanor had changed. It seemed he was done talking.
"Joss, I appreciate what you've done for me tonight," his face softened slightly, but his eyes still remained clouded. "But, it's late, I know you have to work, and you have Taylor…" He frowned as he thought about everything she had done to answer his call. He had literally pulled her family out of bed in the middle of the night because he couldn't handle a dream. She had jumped into action without any complaint. Why would she do that? he wondered.
Joss watched as John wrestled with something he wasn't sure how to process. Then he asked her a very strange question.
"Why did you do that?" His voice filled with confusion.
"Why did I do what, John?" she replied just as confused by his question.
"Why did you drop everything, go through all of the trouble, just because I called?" John responded. For some reason her answer was very important to him.
With a soft smile, Joss reached out again, taking John's hand, and then she twined their fingers together. She breathed a soft sigh, "John, you called me, and said you needed me. What else was I supposed to do?" she looked down so that he wouldn't see the love that she knew was in her eyes. John put two fingers under her chin, making her raise her head. She couldn't hide it. She loved this troubled man with everything she had inside her.
To say that John was surprised by what he saw so clearly in Joss's eyes would be an understatement. He was completely undone. He had to admit to himself that it made him feel warm inside to see how she felt about him, but it also worried him. He didn't want to hurt her, or for her to get hurt because of him, but at the moment he couldn't find it in him to care about the many enemies he had. All that mattered was the love and warmth that shimmered in her eyes. With a soft groan, he pulled her into his arms, and kissed her as if his life depended on it.
Joss was completely taken by surprise when John pulled her into his arms, and kissed her so passionately. Her surprise didn't last long, however, as desire overwhelmed her, and she responded with just as much passion. Her hands slid up his chest, and over his broad shoulders, then around his neck to move upward, threading her fingers through his hair. She opened her mouth in blatant invitation, and they both sighed as his tongue slid into her mouth, stroking her tongue with his. It was sensual, passionate, carnal, and she was swept away on a wave of pure lust as their tongues tangled and caressed. They continued to kiss until the need for air forced them to separate, and they stared into each other's eyes.
For a moment John couldn't think, all he could do was feel. He felt the softness of Joss's lips as he took them over and over again. He felt the sweet taste of her mouth as he plunged his tongue between her lips, feeling the silky smoothness of her tongue as he stroked it with his own. He moaned as he continued to ravage her mouth, pulling her soft body closer to his. One hand was buried in her fragrant hair, the other ran over her body, forming it to his. His need for her grew exponentially the longer he held her in his arms. Then the need for air became apparent, and they reluctantly pulled apart.
With this momentary separation, came a bit of clarity to John through his lust fogged mind. "We shouldn't do this," he breathed against her lips as if he were trying to convince himself, not her.
"Yeah, I'm sure we've both done things we shouldn't, and we've survived. Why not take a chance that we'll survive this too? I think it would be damn well worth it…don't you?" Joss replied seductively, her voice low and husky.
John's eyes bore into Joss's, and the heat, the passion and desire…the love he saw there was more than he could absorb. It crashed over him, tearing him down, and he couldn't fight it. So why should he? his mind asked. He shouldn't, and he wouldn't.
With a low growl, John picked Joss up in his arms, and she wrapped her long legs around his body as he carried her to his bedroom. His mouth crashed against hers while he carried her, as if he had to be connected to her or he would wither away. This woman was his whole existence, his reason to breathe, to face a world that he had thought he could never be a part of, but she had changed that….she changed him. This revelation stunned him so completely that he stumbled to a stop just beside his bed, and he pulled his lips away from hers. He just gazed into her eyes as she slid down his body to stand in front of him while he absorbed the enormity of what he just realized.
Joss registered the change in John immediately, and looked up at him with a question in her eyes. What had happened to make him hesitate now? She caressed his cheek with the knuckles of her hand, feeling his scratchy stubble scrape her skin. He continued to look at her with a startled expression in his eyes until she softly prodded, "John?"
At the sound of her soft voice John came to himself, and everything came back into focus. As he looked at her a slow smile began to grace his lips, and he reached up with both hands to cup her face, his thumbs caressing her jaw. "You have no idea how remarkable you are, do you?"
Before Joss could answer, John swept down, and kissed her so deeply that it felt as if their souls had embraced. She was overwhelmed at the intensity of emotion he poured into his kiss, and she allowed herself to be caught up in his passion. Questions could be asked and answered later. Now was the time to just be, and that's what she did. Once again she tangled her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss even more. She heard his soft moan, and it sent spikes of heat to her core. She pressed her body into his, wanting to be as close to him as possible. She felt his hand slide down her body, grazing the side of her breast as his lips moved sensuously across the sensitive skin of her neck, down to the crescent of her shoulder and neck. He stopped for a moment to worship that sweet spot with his mouth, teeth and tongue. Joss tilted her head slightly to give him better access while her fingers were threaded through his hair, her nails scraping his scalp as her desire burned inside her. Meanwhile, his wandering hands had found her ass, and caressed the shapely flesh while he pressed her pelvis into his. She felt his need for her pressed hard against her, and moist heat warmed her sex, her clit throbbing in response to his hardness.
All that could be heard in his small bedroom was the sound of their moans of pleasure, and heavy breaths. Soon their clothing was just a heap on the floor, seeming to be removed without thought. All of their energy was focused on touching, tasting, and feeling.
God he wanted this woman. John needed Joss so badly that it was a physical pain if he didn't touch her, taste her, feel her pressed against him. Reluctantly he moved his hands from her ass, caressing the smooth, hot skin of her belly until his fingers brushed against the puckered skin of a large scar. He felt her stiffen, and raised his head to look into her eyes. He saw doubt, insecurity and apprehension in her eyes. He continued to caress what to her was a blemish on her body, but it wasn't to him. He guessed it was a wound from war, and it only made her more beautiful in his eyes. He kissed her softly, tenderly as he still ran his fingers over the scar as if he was mapping out its terrain. She slowly began to relax, and he made his kiss more demanding and fiercely passionate. His hand moved from her scar over the delicate skin of her ribs to cup the underside of her breast. He heard her gasp of pleasure as his thumb caressed her hardened nipple, while his lips nibbled the exquisite skin of her collarbone. He slid his hands over the smooth skin of her back, his fingers tracing the graceful curve of her spine. Her skin was soft, silky, smooth and warm. He couldn't stop touching her. But he needed more. He picked her up, and as he laid her down, he followed with his body, covering her small frame with his large one. He never broke their connection as he kissed her intensely all the way down.
John's hands were everywhere. Caressing her body sensuously, and building a slow burn in her belly. He seemed to really enjoy kissing, which Joss didn't mind at all. She moaned softly as his hands cupped her breast, and she arched her body into his touch. He molded them, and pressed them together, then she felt his tongue swipe over her nipple, making her cry out as sparks of fire raced across her body. He continued to tease her aching peak until finally he took the hard pebble into his mouth, and began to suck vigorously, making her cry out his name in sheer ecstasy. His hands were not idle while he tortured her breasts with pleasure. He stroked, and caressed her body everywhere, not leaving a part of her body that hadn't felt his touch. It seemed like he had discovered erogenous areas that she didn't even know she had. Her body was craving more from him. She wanted to be joined with him in the heat of passion until they both hit the heights of ecstasy, and then float back to earth in each other's arms. She ached for him to be inside her. She slid her hands down his broad chest, and across his taught stomach until she reached his hard, straining cock. She took him in her hand, he was hard as steel, long, and thick. She stroked him from tip to base, and heard his strangled moan of pleasure. She continued to pleasure him, and heard his breath begin to come in short gasps until he finally put his hand over hers, saying gruffly, "Enough".
"John, I need you, now," Joss breathed against his cheek, and she spread her legs, cradling him with her body. "Come to me….now," and when he raised his head she saw his eyes darken until they were nearly black. He took his heavy length in his hand, and lined himself up at her entrance. He leaned on his forearms, and looked deep into her eyes, then he plunged deep into her body, holding nothing back. They both cried out as their bodies joined, the pleasure rippling through their bodies making them momentarily powerless, the exquisite connection overwhelming them.
"My god, Joss, you feel…so good…so warm, so soft and tight," John panted as he began to move within her. "I think…you were made for me…ahhh."
"We…were made…for each other…oh god, John," Joss breathed as she met John's deep strokes, clinging to his shoulders as he buried his face in her neck. He arched his back to drive deeper as she bent her knees, and planted her feet to be able push into his strokes harder. The tension in her belly was as tight as a spring, ready to snap at any moment. Then he slid his hand between their thrusting bodies, and stroked her clit in time with every push. Joss exploded into a million suns, each one brighter than the next. Her body shook with the force of her release, and her sex spasmed with each explosion. She felt it would never end.
John felt Joss come apart in his arms, and it sent him over the edge with her. He had never had a simultaneous orgasm with anyone, and it blew his world apart. It seemed as if each spasm, every pulse, increased the power of the other's. His cock jerked, and pulsed inside her as his body continued to push into her, trying to stay as deep inside her as he could. It seemed never-ending.
John fell against Joss completely boneless. He felt he couldn't move a muscle, but he knew he had to so she could breathe. He was about to roll off of her when he felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, and her legs around his. He looked at her with a smile, and stroked her cheek. "Aren't I smothering you? How can you breathe?" He asked with something sparkling in his eyes that she hadn't seen before, and couldn't quite describe.
"I'm just fine, thank you very much," she replied with a soft giggle.
"Yes, you are, Joss Carter. Very fine indeed," John whispered in his smooth sexy voice, making tremors run through her body. Then he bent his head, and kissed her warmly.
Eventually John did prop himself on his forearms so that he wasn't completely smothering her, but she had yet to release him from her legs wrapped around his, which he had no problem with at all. When he looked down into her eyes, he could see something was troubling her, and he had a good idea what it was.
"What is it, Joss? Tell me what you're thinking about," he prodded in a soft voice.
Joss chewed her lip for a moment before answering. She wasn't sure how to put into words everything that was spinning through her mind at the moment. She and John had just had mind-blowing sex, but what did that mean? And he still hadn't told her what was truly bothering him about that dream. Also, she wasn't sure if she should tell him she was in love with him, seeing it in her eyes and having it spoken in words are two different things. Then she looked into his beautiful blue eyes. He was so open, at least at this moment, and there was something in his eyes that seemed…changed. She decided to sum it all up in one not quite so simple question.
"Where do we go from here?"
A/N: John finally gave in to his need for Joss, but will this be happily ever after or have the first tests of their relationship already begun? See you soon...