A/N: Thank you SWWoman for everything. If anyone is wondering when I will finish Who Should I Be Now, don't worry, I'll get back to it soon. I just decided to concentrate on this for now.
A More Conventional Life 8
As soon as the question had left Joss's lips she wished she could take it back because the sparkle in John's eyes dimmed ever so slightly. Damn her and her questions all the time! Why couldn't she have just enjoyed the moment, basking in the afterglow of having just made love to the man she loved? She let her legs slide from around his so that he could roll over onto his back. He propped himself up against the headboard with one arm underneath his head while the other arm wrapped around Joss, and pulled her close to his body where she laid her head on his shoulder. His large hand rested on her hip where his long elegant fingers caressed her skin.
"You know what…never-mind, okay? We don't have to…to figure anything out right away. I'm…I'm sorry I asked," Joss stuttered, trying to put back together the beautiful moment they had just shared.
John put his fingers beneath her chin, and lifted Joss's head so that he could look into her eyes. He could see the apprehension, as well as uncertainty, and also what he could only describe as panic. With a sigh, he pulled her body up his own until she was sprawled across his chest, and then he took her lips in the most tender kiss Joss had ever experienced in her life. When he finally broke away she was a little light headed, and he smiled softly.
"Joss, you have every right to ask where we go from here. The only answer I can give you is a request; To be patient with me. I know you want answers, just….give me some time. One thing you need to know is that being with you was more than just sex for me," he whispered softly. "And now that I have you, I'm never letting go," John kissed her nose, and then leaned his forehead against hers.
"Oh, John, you don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that!" Joss erupted as she flung her arms around his neck, kissing him fiercely, unable to contain her joy, and happiness that John had finally decided to take a chance, to have a life…with her.
With his strong arms wrapped around her, John held her tightly against him. "You're stuck with me, remember?" He breathed before kissing her passionately, drawing all the air from her until she was dizzy with passion, and lack of air. When they broke apart it was on the tip of her tongue to say "I love you,", but she wasn't sure he was quite ready for those three words yet. As she looked into his eyes she could see that sparkle that had dimmed just slightly shining brightly, and she finally knew what it was she was seeing: hope.
They kissed again…and again…and again until they were doing more than just kissing. The flame that always burned between them flared into an inferno until they were both desperate for each other. But this time John intended to take his time, and explore this new found territory that he had claimed as his own. He knew women weren't property, to be used for a man's own pleasure, but he did claim Joss Carter as his, and he wanted to make sure she knew it too. So that's what he set out to do, and before long they were both lost in a sea of passion that swept them away to sweet oblivion.
The sun was just starting to cast its first rays of light through his bedroom window when John slowly awakened, and found that he held something warm and soft in his arms. He smiled softly, and tightened his hold around Joss, burying his face in her shoulder, breathing in her unique scent. She mumbled something in her sleep, snuggling closer into his embrace, and his smile broadened. He placed light kisses along her shoulder, and heard her sigh softly. He wasn't going to wake her even though his body craved to have her again. He would probably always crave her as long as she was close by. But they had made love a couple of times last night, or early this morning rather, and she probably needed to sleep. Soon they would have to leave their little bubble, and face the real world…she had her job and a son …he had the numbers.
Regretfully, John eased his arms from around Joss as gently as he could, and slid out of bed. He slipped on his boxer-briefs then stood for a moment watching her sleep. She was so beautiful with her face relaxed in sleep. He sighed deeply, and turned, heading for the kitchen to make some much needed coffee. After he had the coffee brewing, he walked over to the window where he had been standing when he had swept Joss into his arms, and carried her to his bed.
As he gazed out of the window, John recalled the events of the night. When he had called Joss, it had been on impulse, a gut reaction. He certainly didn't think things would progress to where they were now. As happy as he was that he had decided to acknowledge he wanted her, and wanted to be with her, he couldn't say he wasn't worried, too. They had a lot of obstacles to overcome, namely he was a wanted man, and she was a detective. She had so much to lose if anyone found out they were together; her life, her son, her job. He couldn't understand why she would put everything on the line for him. He sighed heavily. Maybe he did understand. He had seen it in her eyes last night, the love she didn't try to hide. She hadn't put it into words yet, but he knew it was there. Knowing what he was, what he had done, she loved him anyway. Warmth suffused John's body as these thoughts washed through him. And I love her, the thought stormed his mind and heart, taking his breath away. It was true. He couldn't deny it. If he was truthful about it, he knew he had been in love with her since the day they met.
Pulled out of his sudden self revelation by a soft hand on his shoulder, John turned to see Joss beside him in one of his dress shirts. For a moment all he could do was stare at her, then he pulled her into a crushing embrace as his newly realized feelings for her bombarded him like a hurricane.
"John?" Joss questioned with concern as she felt a shudder run through his body. What had happened to make him so upset? He pulled back so he could look into her eyes, and Joss gasped at what she saw there. He was smiling softly as his hand caressed her cheek.
John wanted to say the words, but they just wouldn't come. He didn't know why, but something held him back. Joss smiled back at him. "It's okay. The words will come when you're ready, and I won't push you. You already know how I feel…that I love you," she had felt she could say it out loud since she had read the love in his eyes.
"Yeah, you didn't do a good job hiding it, if you even tried," John replied with a smile, a little shell shocked that she spoke the words, but glad that she had, too.
"I didn't try," Joss laughed, and John laughed with her. They stood for a long time holding each other, and then they parted to get themselves a cup of coffee.
As they sat at John's small kitchen table he announced, "I guess I can go into work early today." He didn't mention that today was his birthday. He didn't want Joss to make a fuss over it. To him, it was just another day.
"Yeah, I need to get started, too," Joss bemoaned. "I need to drop by my place to shower, and change for work."
John reached for Joss's hand, and kissed the soft skin on the back, then gave her a wicked grin."Or you could take a shower here, and change later," he suggested seductively.
A shiver ran down Joss's spine. "That sounds like a perfect idea," she replied, her voice low and husky.
They both rose from their chairs, and were in each other's arms instantly, kissing and caressing each other all the way to the bathroom where they continued to love each other until they reached the heights of ecstasy.
As it turned out, there was no need for John to go in early.
Three Days Later…
John slipped the key that Finch had given him for his birthday into the lock of the door, unlocking it, and opened the door slowly. He stepped into a large, open, loft apartment. He was drawn to the floor to ceiling windows that made up one side of the apartment, and as he looked down he smiled. He could see Mr. Hann was sitting in his usual seat in the park where he and John played xiangqi when John had some spare time.
While John stood looking out of the window the stress, pain and emotions of the past few days washed over him. Finch had lied to him; something he had said he would never do. John wasn't sure how to process that, but it was something he would deal with. When John had gone to the Library early, Finch had informed him that they didn't have a number, and that he should take the day off, especially since it was his birthday, then had handed him a small box which contained the key to this apartment. He hadn't known that at the time because Finch had not told him what was in the box or what it went to. John had felt uneasy, but had left anyway. All morning he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. He had been right.
As it was, John soon learned they did have a number, but because Finch felt it would bring up bad memories for John, he had left John out of the loop. The number was a battered woman named Sarah Jennings who was hiding from her abusive husband. When Finch told him about the number, thoughts of Jessica assailed him, but he pushed them to the side, or at least he thought he had, and told Finch they would discuss John's "sensitivities" later. Things had gone downhill from there. He had come very close to killing Marshall Jennings, but in the end, had taken him to a Mexican jail where he would never be released. Sarah was finally free.
John still felt raw from the last few days' events. As if an unhealed wound had been viciously ripped open, and left gaping and throbbing. What he had done to Peter that night before taking him to the same prison as Jennings had been wrong, but he had not been able to stop himself. He looked down through the window as memories washed over him, and he swallowed hard to keep the tears at bay. Then a pair of soft, warm, dark-brown, doe eyes floated across his vision. Eyes full of love and understanding, kindness and acceptance. God he wanted to see those eyes right now.
After watching Mr. Hann for a while he turned, and scanned the apartment with a trained eye. Finch had chosen John's birthday gift well. It was an open, airy space with gleaming hardwood floors, and very few walls. The large windows made the space seem larger, and gave him a wonderful view of the Manhattan skyline. He walked over to the large, king-sized bed already made up with a gray sheet set and royal blue comforter, and had to concede that this was a good choice also. He shrugged off his overcoat and suit coat, and walked back to the door where the coat rack stood in the corner to hang them up. As he began to walk back he stopped in the middle of the wide space, and took in the furnishings Finch had chosen for the place. A large, black, leather, wrap-around sofa took up much of the living area with a glass coffee table, and a large flat screen tv. He turned to his far right, and there was a glass dinette set with four chairs. Through a set of French doors, he could see a spacious kitchen with modern, stainless steel appliances, and another set of French doors he assumed led to a dining room. He then turned, and saw the large closet beside the bed. Curious, he walked over to the closet, and opened the door. He almost laughed out loud. There were several suits and white shirts already lined up neatly on hangers in the walk-in closet. Toward the back was a built-in dresser with several drawers, and above it, cubby holes for his shoes. The drawers, thankfully, were empty. The thought of Finch buying him underwear was a bit unsettling. He walked out of the closet, closing the door behind him, and made his way to the bathroom. The bathroom, as with everything else in the apartment, was spacious yet simple in design, and was already stocked with toothbrushes, an electric razor, and other male essentials. He left the bathroom, and made his way back to the large windows where a small desk was settled against the glass.
Looking out, John remembered how things had been left between him and Joss. She had pulled him over on that long stretch of highway while he was driving the Marshalls car…with the Marshall in the trunk. She had tried to talk him into letting her take Jennings in, but John knew if he did, Jennings wouldn't get the justice he deserved. They had argued, then finally John had asked her to trust him to do what needed to be done, and she had let him go with Jennings in the trunk. In spite of everything she knew about him, she had trusted him. He hadn't spoken to her since that night, and he was sure she wanted nothing to do with him now that she knew about New Rochelle. He was pulled from his thoughts by a soft knock on the door. He frowned because nobody knew he had this place. He had just walked in himself. With his hand on his gun in the waistband of his pants, he walked to the door, and looked through the peephole. He was surprised at who he saw there. He swiftly opened the door, and came face to face with the woman he had just been thinking about…Joss.
Joss stood outside the threshold of John's new apartment watching him nervously. They hadn't exactly left things in a good place when they last saw each other. She had learned some things about John that helped her understand him a bit better, and she was thankful for that. She had been so afraid that he was going to kill Jennings. She should have trusted John to do the right thing, and now she felt terrible that she had doubted him.
They stood staring at each other for a long time until Joss finally asked softly, "Aren't you going to ask me to come in?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry. Please, come in," John invited nervously. He took her jacket, hung it next to his on the coat rack, and walked her into the center of the apartment. "How did you know I was here?" He noticed she was wearing black jeans that hugged her slim hips and shapely ass nicely. The blouse she had on was a button down, passion pink, tucked into her jeans, and with enough buttons undone that a view of her cleavage could be seen. Her skin looked soft and radiant. He inhaled, and her unique scent filled his senses.
"Finch gave me the address. I thought I would surprise you. This is some birthday present." Joss said, looking around quickly. She was equally affected being in John's presence after so long apart. His strong, athletic, body, and unique male scent enveloped her as she turned to look up at him. She wanted more than anything for him to take her in arms, but after the emotional storm he had been through she didn't want to push him. Finally he reached out, and ran his hand down her arm. He linked their fingers together, and then pulled her toward him wrapping his other arm around her body. She sighed, and melted into his embrace.
"I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me after New Rochelle," John whispered.
With her arm still wrapped around his waist, she leaned back to look him in the eye. Her gaze was fierce and determined. "There is absolutely nothing, from your past or your future, that will ever separate me from you. I love you, John. Do you understand?" She spoke quietly, but her words hit John like a hammer, making his heart pound inside his chest. When he didn't answer she asked again, "Do you, John?" with a little more force but just as quietly.
"Yes," John finally breathed because he was having trouble catching his breath. He did believe Joss. He didn't know why, but he believed her with all of his being. Joss would never betray him or try to control him. She would never try to break him, or use his emotions against him. She would love him unconditionally. He pulled her closer to him, and buried his face in her sweet-scented hair. He had taken his hand away from hers, and now ran it up and down her back, molding her body to his. He wasn't going to let another chance at happiness pass him by. He had left Jessica behind, and that had been a mistake. He wouldn't make it twice.
John leaned back to look into Joss's beautiful, warm, brown eyes, and took her lovely face in his hands. He kissed her so deeply, for a moment it was just her and John…connected together in a sweet harmony she had never felt before. When he released her, she was in a haze of want, and her eyes were hooded by desire. What he said next, shocked her out of her stupor, and sent her emotions into overdrive.
"Joss, I love you, and I want to be with you, however that may be possible," John proclaimed softly and ever so sweetly in his slightly husky voice. Then he took her in a kiss again, and all thought left her mind.
A/N: Thanks for reading.