A/N:
Sorry for another long wait, everyone! Things have gotten much busier now. I used to write on my days off from work when I had 3 days off in a row. Now my schedule is back to normal, and I have less time to write throughout the week. I'm also getting married in June, so things have just generally been a little hectic!
Thank you SO MUCH for sticking with me, writing reviews, and reading every chapter. You all are such inspiration for me to keep writing!
I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 8: As long as you're with me

"What're you doing here?"

Mamoru's voice echoed through Usagi's mind. What was she doing here? As she stared into Mamoru's unphased eyes, she realized she wasn't sure herself. The tension in the air was palpable. She barely knew how she had gotten here, let alone why. She stuttered and sputtered trying to come up with some kind of answer, but nothing came. How did they go from such a magical connection at the arcade and concert to this? Usagi's stomach flipped again as she recalled the way Mamoru had held her in the alleyway the night before. She could feel a blush creeping up from her chest to her cheeks and suddenly it was clear why she was here. She had told herself she would do better, yet here she was on the doorstep of a taken man's apartment. Mamoru probably already knew that she was a desperate child. He was older than her, more mature, less naive. His beautiful blue eyes, deep as the ocean, had to see right through her.

It felt like an eternity had passed by since Mamoru's question. Usagi knew she had to answer, but she couldn't tell the truth. She shifted the weight between her feet, trying to relieve the discomfort of the situation and somehow hamper the tears of regret boiling up inside of her.

"I don't know." She barely recognized her own voice that came out of her throat like a haggard whisper.

Mamoru's demeanor remained cold. He placed one arm against the doorway as if blocking it. "I think you should go home, Tsukino." It wasn't a suggestion.

At that moment, a woman's laughter came from somewhere in Mamoru's apartment. Usagi froze, her heart sinking to her feet and her blood running cold. Was Mie there? Her eyes met Mamoru's; they stared at her, flat and unphased. It was the same look of disregard he had for her at the arcade the day before. It was as if he was a stranger and his vision passed through her to see his destination beyond her. If she could have been something less than nothing in that moment, she would have been.

And that was the final straw. Usagi could no longer hold back the tears. They began falling again with the same abandon they had as she ran here. "Mamo, please." Her voice was weak and small. Mamoru's eyes widened at the word that escaped the quivering lips of the fragile woman before him who rushed forward, wrapping her arms around his chest and pressing herself against him. A surprised gasp escaped Mamoru's lips. Usagi could hear it alongside his heartbeat as her ear rested against his warm chest. For a moment she breathed him in—the soft, rosey scent of his skin beneath his dress shirt.

"Usa." The word shocked Usagi almost as much as his tone. Now his voice was soft and concerned. Where did it come from? She could hardly make sense of Mamoru's constantly revolving emotions. One minute he was pushing her away, and the next he was being kind. She was afraid to look up into his eyes, afraid that her desperate gaze would push him away again.

Without a word, Mamoru's hands moved to Usagi's shoulders and gently pushed her away as he took a step from her, leaving a cool distance between them. Despite the gnawing feeling of disappointment that was growing in her stomach, Usagi looked up at Mamoru where she was met by the downturned edges of his rosy lips. She could feel the wet trails of tears still fresh on her cheeks. The moment hung in the air, suspended slightly just as it had when they met in the arcade. Mamoru looked over her face for a long time. Usagi swallowed hard, her lips parting to breath just barely, fearful to ruin the moment, but then Mamoru sighed in one final moment of resolve.

"Come in. You can talk to me." Mamoru walked into his apartment, holding the door open for her. As Usagi entered, she was greeted by a pair of bunny slippers waiting for the next guest in the genkan.

"Are these…." Usagi trailed off, motioning toward the slippers. She couldn't imagine Mie walking around in them. She seemed too proper and mature for something so childish.

Mamoru gave a half glance at the slippers as he walked down the hall, "No, I don't remember. A friend left those here a long time ago, I think. Help yourself."

Usagi removed her shoes and slipped on the house slippers. Her feet fit perfectly into the imprint left by the last guest to wear them. In a way it felt like home as she stepped into the apartment. It was small, but well decorated for a guy on his own. She walked quietly after Mamoru, still sniffling. She looked around, trying to spot Mie, or the voice of the laughter, but she didn't see anyone. Mamoru stood in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee. His broad shoulders moved ever so slightly as he filled the coffee filter with ground coffee.

"Is Mie here?" Usagi asked softly from behind him. She watched the floor, unable to make eye contact with Mamoru.

He never turned to look at her, but answered her as he worked on the coffee. "No, she's studying this evening. A big project is due for university." Suddenly Usagi could hear the woman's laughter again, but this time it was louder. A man's voice accompanied the woman's—it was a talk show on TV. Usagi exhaled a silent sigh of relief.

Before long, the aroma of coffee filled the air as the water from the coffee maker sputtered and gurgled. A calmness swept over Usagi, a small fraction of her nervousness drifting away with the steam from the coffee.

Mamoru poured the coffee into a mug and handed it to Usagi. "I already added cream and sugar for you—" He stopped his sentence, back peddling a bit, a sudden and new uncertainty underlying his usually confident voice, "—I hope that's alright...I just thought that's what you'd like…."

Usagi nodded and smiled softly, "It's perfect, thank you."

The kitchen was warm and familiar with Mamoru. She could imagine them together, washing dishes in the sink and laughing about stupid things Usagi said. It felt so clear in her mind that it seemed like a memory. Usagi could feel a closeness to Mamoru in a way that transcended their physical presence. It was the electricity, the strange bit of invisible wire that seemed to connect the two of them like fate. They stood for a moment in silence in the tiny room, but Mamoru turned on his heel, breaking the connection once again.

Usagi followed after him slowly, taking in the entirety of the simple apartment. There were bookshelves full of books with complicated titles about medical terminology and biology. He had a few potted plants, a television, a table, and a comfortable looking couch and matching single sofa chair. Across the room was his bed, neatly made. Most of the decor was vases, plants, books, and framed degrees, but there were also two singular photographs. One was a picture of a young boy, presumably Mamoru, with what appeared to be his parents in a family photo. It hung over his bed. The other was a standing photo on the bedside table. She took a moment to look at it, when she suddenly realized what it was. The photo was of her. Usagi heard the gasp that escaped her lips before she realized she had done it. There she was, standing arm in arm with Mamoru at the park. He wore a light blue button down, and she wore a blue skirt. Usagi could almost feel the heat of the day and hear the conversation they had together.

"Usagi?" Mamoru asked. Her eyes darted to Mamoru, who sat on the single seat sofa, his legs crossed as he watched her. She glanced quickly back to the photo which she could now clearly see was Mie.

Her stomach flipped as she exhaled shakily, "It's nothing." She dropped her gaze from the photo to the floor as she sat on the couch next to Mamoru's chair. Usagi could feel Mamoru's gaze on her like a beam of light, but she was too afraid to look again. He probably saw her staring at Mie's photograph, imagining that it was her in Mamoru's arms and not Mie.

Mamoru cleared his throat softly and Usagi heard the seat creak just a bit as he leaned back in his chair. The TV made a soft sound as it was turned off, leaving an uncomfortable silence in its wake. "So, Tsukino, what's going on?" Mamoru asked. His voice was soft, not condescending. He was being gentle with her. "You must have some reason to have shown up like this."

Usagi sheepishly lifted her head and peeked a glance at Mamoru. Now that she wasn't frantic and her body wasn't moving on its own accord, she actually had time to think. Her mind had slowed to a manageable speed. "Well," she began with a pause, frowning. She thought back to Seiya, surprised and shouting for her at his apartment, the hurt in his voice masked only by worry. She could see him lying nearly lifeless at the park, and the knowledge that he would put himself in harm's way at any time for her. "I guess...I'm sure it sounds stupid, I hardly understand myself...I just want to protect someone, but I'm so confused. I feel like my life is out of my control. How can I protect someone when I hardly know how to live my life from day to day?"

Usagi looked up to Mamoru, her eyes brimming with tears again. This time, his expression was more clear. He looked a bit taken aback, but at the same time, almost a bit relieved. He was probably glad she wasn't here to fawn over him and be mope over the way he had treated her. The relief in his eyes was probably that it wasn't another hard conversation to get rid of her. She spoke again, but quietly. "I'm sure you don't understand, I really don't even know why I'm here, to be honest. I could've gone to—"

"No, I get it."

"Huh," Usagi squeaked, looking up and getting caught in Mamoru's gaze. He was serious again.

"I know what it's like, I live it every day," he whispered. "I'm always chasing it, always trying to keep her safe, but it seems that my own confusion gets in the way. I have a hard time remembering a lot about my past. I think, maybe if I could just remember, it would all make sense. But I never can. And it never does."

There was a strange energy in the air; an electricity, but dampened. Usagi imagined it was something like trying to reach through a wall of rubber that would stretch but never let you through. She sighed softly, looking up to Mamoru and smiling meekly. "Mie is lucky to have you. I think you'll be able to protect her." She stood at the same time as Mamoru whose features had returned suddenly to the same stern and cold look he had when he first saw her.

"I think it's time you go home." Mamoru removed the mug from Usagi's hands and she frowned as he walked to the kitchen. "Perhaps you're the one who doesn't understand, Tsukino." His voice spat the words from the kitchen. When he appeared again, he waited at the end of the hall, his arms crossed. Even though Usagi could feel the hurt and shame in her heart for bringing up Mie, she didn't regret it. She had to know how he felt. If Mie was the one he was talking about.

Usagi walked past Mamoru, her eyes low. She didn't dare make eye contact with him again. She made it to the end of the hall to the genkan, when she suddenly looked up at her surroundings as if by command. On the back of the front door there was a hook. From that hook hung a hanger where a black tuxedo had been placed. Usagi stopped in her tracks, Mamoru bumping into her lightly from behind her. She could hear his distant complaint and apology as if they were being shouted from far away, but her eyes were fixated on the front pocket of the tuxedo jacket. From the front pocket, a white mask peaked from its edges. The fingers of white gloves could be seen from one of the pant pockets, and hanging from a key rack on the wall beside the door was a black cape and top hat.

Coming into the apartment, Usagi hadn't seen all the little pieces of Tuxedo Mask hidden behind the door. She had been too frazzled. Now, as she stood there, she tried to put it all together. Her eyes darted between each piece of the outfit before she turned on her heel to face Mamoru. He had the black hair, the strong jaw, the height….

"What're you doing, Tuskino?" Mamoru asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why did you stop?"

Usagi could feel it—the familiarity of him and his voice—but how could she say it? She fumbled over her words to Mamoru's visible annoyance. For some reason, they just wouldn't seem to come out. Her heart beat frantically in her chest; it felt as though this was the last chance she would get. If she didn't ask him now, she would never know, but the words wouldn't come. Her mouth moved to the words, but there was no sound. Usagi sighed, defeated. She dropped her head and took a deep breath, plunging her hands into the pockets of her skirt. And that's when she felt it. The pocket watch was there...the one he had dropped at the arcade. It was the perfect lie, the perfect out for the situation now.

"You dropped this at the arcade," Usagi murmured softly. "That's really why I'm here." Usagi held up the cracked, star-shaped pocket watch in her palm. She hadn't really looked at it until now. It sat flat and warm, ticking ever so softly in her hands. It felt a little familiar, as all things did these days. Mamoru was silent, causing Usagi to look up and meet his gaze. His face was shocked, staring at the watch in her palm as if he suddenly realized something he had left on the stove or forgotten to pick up at the store.

"Serenity." The word left Mamoru's lips like the soft whisper of a page turn; it froze Usagi, her breath catching in her throat. The watch slipped from her shaking palm and clattered to the floor. Serenity. That was the name that had been whispered in her dream. That was the name that she wished Endymion would say to her a thousand times over. It was sad and refreshing all at the same time.

Neither she nor Mamoru moved to pick up the watch. Their gaze had moved to one another, the electricity from their previous encounters suddenly thrumming between them. "What did you say?" Usagi asked, her voice barely a whisper. She was afraid to breathe, afraid to ruin the connection between them that felt like home. She wanted to hear it again; that name that sounded so sweet coming from his lips.

"Serenity…" He breathed, as if he had somehow read her mind. "It was a promise...you promised that we would meet again."

Usagi gasped, the dream from weeks ago playing back in her head. It was so clear that it no longer seemed like a dream: the details of the extravagant bedroom, the view of the rose garden from the balcony, and Endymion's cerulean eyes staring up at her body, thinly veiled by white satin and the light reflected by the Earth that casting shadows across her curves. The eyes she looked into then were the same eyes she stared into now.

"And you...are Endymion," Usagi's words escaped with a contented sigh. Their weight left on her breath, leaving her with the relief that she had yearned for since this had started all these weeks ago. Finally, to know, to understand, to make sense of it all…. Her heart beat frantically in her chest, a sudden, silent understanding between the two of them. The relief brought her to tears, a silent drop falling down her cheek.

Mamoru's warm hand rested against the side of her face, his thumb gently wiping away the tear and sending a warmth throughout Usagi's body like she had never felt before. "Why are you crying?" He whispered. Both of their voices were hushed, as if they were still in that moment in the rose gardens, so close to being discovered. "I found you. I found you again, Usako." Usagi couldn't look away from Mamoru's eyes that had softened to a degree that she had not seen since they met that day at the arcade. His arms enwrapped her thin body, pulling her close against his chest, and his hands pressed and circling against her back as he comforted her.

Usagi's heart beat in her chest as it stung with a bit of guilt. She knew what she was doing was wrong. She had Seiya and Mamoru had Mie. But it felt so natural to be with him, as if this had been how it always was. His scent was somehow all too familiar. The roses, the spice, the scent of the sea and the earth...Usagi breathed him in as for the first time and her head spun with the overwhelming realization that something was amiss. She leaned back, peering into his face once more, taking in the shape of his face and the deep blue of his eyes...and then it happened.

The memories of him did not come back to Usagi like a tidal wave, but they slowly faded into existence as if they had always been, but were covered by a layer of dust, too cloudy to be seen. Now the memories were not violent, as they had been when she knelt on the uninviting tile of Seiya's bathroom just an hour before. Each one kissed her memory and fell away like the petal of a flower. Most of it was there, playing before her eyes, floating in and out of existence.

Rising up on her tiptoes, Usagi reached up, her hand sliding up Mamoru's neck and through his hair, pulling his forehead down to rest against her own. "I missed you," she cried, still afraid to speak any louder for fear that everything would come crumbling down. "I remember. I remember so much now. How could I forget?"

Mamoru leaned his head in closer to Usagi's lips. "Usako," the nickname again—it sent sparks through Usagi's body, "will you stay with me?"

A jolt of fear and guilt radiated through, nearly sending her stomach to the floor. She had to make the decision now. Would she throw away everything she had built with Seiya to pursue this seemingly all too new romance? Even though she could remember his touch, his whispers in the night, their tumultuous past...it somehow didn't feel real. Seiya was recent. His touch, his laughter, these were all things that had been her existence for the past two years. No matter what love she had for Mamoru, there was no doubt that she loved Seiya, too. She could feel her resolve waning by the second, her heart was confused by her mind.

"Mamo-chan," Usagi murmured, weakly, her hands grasping at the front of his shirt, fearful that he might pull away yet at the same time wishing that he would. "We can't keep meeting like this." She could hear herself in another life saying the same words. In her mind she could see the stars and the Earth hanging overhead, the quiet murmur of music and people chattering from behind them as they leaned against a shadowed pillar outside the Moon Castle's ballroom. Even then, they were fighting it—the attraction, the magnetic pull that brought them together even when it was forbidden to be together.

"We aren't Serenity and Endymion anymore," Mamoru chuckled, as if reading her mind again. He was silent for a moment. He rested his lips against the top of Usagi's golden hair. "I know this isn't right for either of us. I know Seiya and Mie are waiting for us after tonight. But I know you feel it, too, this undeniable attraction that keeps bringing us together. I'm drawn to you, Usako. All these memories we have together…." Mamoru trailed off once again, and Usagi looked up at him, wondering what he was thinking. He looked down at her, smiling a soft yet slightly sad smile.

"I don't need an answer anytime soon," he began, "I'm just overwhelmed and confused by all of these memories and feelings." Usagi nodded in agreement, hanging onto every word he spoke. "But, I just feel it—no, I know it, Usagi." Mamoru took one of Usagi's small hands into his own, holding it against his chest. "I love you. Whether it be today or tomorrow or another lifetime from now...you don't have to choose me. You can choose Seiya a million times over, but I know that I will love you. I promise you that. I will find you every time, to be whatever you need."

Usagi was speechless. The confusion in her heart suddenly had disappeared, and all she could see was Mamoru. She could see him from before, protecting her, and she could envision him in the future, by her side, walking down the aisle as they were showered with flowers and rice. That was enough for her to forget Seiya for just a moment.

Usagi lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Mamoru's neck as she kissed him. He stumbled back a moment, but his arms were quickly around her again, stabilizing them as his lips found hers. Mamoru took a few steps back down the hall, their lips still exploring each other again after all the time they had been apart. Usagi's hands made quick work of the buttons down the front of Mamoru's shirt, and she pulled at the bottom to remove the tucked edges from his pants. His bare chest peaked from behind the peach fabric, and Usagi's hands found themselves tracing the warm skin there.

A soft moan escaped Mamoru's lips at her touch, and suddenly, he had scooped Usagi up into his arms and carried her to his bed. There was no awkwardness or words to be exchanged, just the long past due meeting of bodies. Mamoru sat Usagi down gently on her bed, pulling her shirt over her head. His lips fell to the soft, pale skin of her shoulder, sending a million electric tingles across her chest.

"You're even more beautiful than I remember," Mamoru whispered into her neck now, stealing soft kisses against the skin there. He pushed Usagi back gently against his bed, her bare back shivering against the cool sheets.

Usagi felt her breath quicken under Mamoru's touch as he gently lowered each strap of her bra and reached around to undo the clasps against her back. Her hands reached for his pants, undoing his belt, her fingertips sending a shudder down Mamoru's body as they grazed the skin at his hips. She helped him out of his pants, leaving him handsomely in his briefs. His muscular legs straddled her hips as he made quick work of her bra, leaving her perfect breasts bare before him. Mamoru gently cupped her face, kissing her once more. His hand made its way down the side of her breast, then ribs, over her skirt, and across her backside until it found its way to hold in the crease of her upper leg and thigh, causing her knee to bend upward. A bit of her skirt was held under Mamoru's warm hand, preventing it from revealing any more of her soft skin than could already be seen.

"Usagi, are you sure you want this?" Mamoru asked, making eye contact with her, his fingers still firmly holding her thigh.

She reached up around the back of his head and smiled. "It feels like I've waited a hundred years to be with you again," she whispered, "I couldn't want anything more." Usagi pulled Mamoru's head towards her own again, kissing him as his hands made their way beneath her skirt and removed the rest of her clothing before tossing them in a pile on the floor.

Mamoru's curtains were just barely open, a beam of light shining through them. Usagi could see the little bits of dust dancing in the light making the world seem slow and magical as Mamoru's last bit of clothing was removed by her hands. She could see his confident smile, his deep blue eyes gentle and loving...every move he made was another line written to express his love.

Usagi's body warmed under his hands, her soft, breathy sighs becoming louder with each touch. Mamoru moaned her name above her, filling her ears with his praises of her perfection. The colors of the apartment became more vivid, the sounds of the street more acute. Every fiber of Usagi's body was on pins and needles as Mamoru moved in rhythm with her. One of her hands raised above her, pushing against the headboard as the other grasped at Mamoru's forearm that steadied him over her. In one sudden explosion, Usagi's eyes closed, the backs of her eyelids covered in fireworks. She could hear herself call out his name, but in a way that seemed outside of her own body. With a long and shaky exhale, Mamoru collapsed beside her.

The apartment which had seemed loud before with their breaths and moans, now felt silent, despite the sound of the outside world around them. Usagi could hear Mamoru's soft breaths as they slowed and her own heart beginning to wind down. She propped herself up on an elbow and smiled at him, his head turning to meet her gaze. His black hair splayed out messily against the white of his pillow, and Usagi ran her fingers through it tenderly. Mamoru reached up and took her hand in his own, kissing each of her fingers softly before placing it back against his chest.

"I missed you, Usako."

She smiled again, but a little softer now. Her stomach was suddenly doing flips in the wake of the ever growing realization of what had just transpired. Even if Mamoru had been there all along, she had still been with Seiya for nearly two years. Usagi had been so enraptured by the feelings and memories of Mamoru that she hadn't thought about everything else. She still couldn't remember why she and Mamoru had separated or how she had ended up with Seiya. In reality, she barely knew Mamoru anymore, not the current Mamoru. What if they had split up for a reason? What if the past was still the past and their meeting had only felt like destiny because they had forgotten? Usagi bit her lip, fear and guilt suddenly overtaking her.

"What's wrong?" Mamoru asked, noticing her sudden quietness. This time he was the one to perch up on his forearm. He pulled a bed sheet up and over Usagi, letting it rest over her, covering her porcelain skin once again.

Usagi swallowed, feeling overwhelmed and utterly stupid. She should have thought more. She should have considered the repercussions of her actions, but instead she let herself get caught up in a world she barely understood.

"Mamo...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Her eyes filled with tears. "What about Mie? And Seiya?" She had betrayed him once again.

Mamoru frowned. "I know. This has been very sudden. For me, too, but Mie...I didn't know it, but she was just filling a void. I'll apologize and break it off for you, Usagi." His warm hands held Usagi's as he looked into his eyes. He was sincere. He meant it. He had gotten caught up in it all, too, but it didn't make it any easier.

"I just don't know if it will be so easy for me, Mamo…." Usagi sighed, blinking back tears. She couldn't believe this was happening. "I need time to figure this all out. I just found out I was Sailor Moon let alone that we've been in love for two lifetimes. I need to know what happened between us."

Usagi watched Mamoru's face carefully, but the gentleness never changed. He nodded. "It's okay, Usako. I understand." He brushed a few strands of hair from Usagi's face and kissed her forehead. "I told you before and I meant it—whatever you need. We can work on this together. Even if you don't choose me."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Mamoru's brows furrowed together as he stepped out of bed. He tossed Usagi's clothing toward her and quickly donned himself in a pair of athletic shorts. Usagi held the clothing in front of herself, her eyes wide.

"Mamo-chan, who is it?" she whispered. She struggled to step into her underwear without falling over.

Mamoru shook his head, "I don't know. I wasn't expecting anyone." He steadied Usagi for a moment as she stepped her second leg through her panties. "You'll have to finish dressing in the bathroom. Maybe it's Mie…."

Usagi's heart began to pound through her chest. "Mie?!" she shouted in a whisper. Mamoru's naked torso shrugged, his expression somehow calm. That was how his exterior always appeared: cool and collected. He somehow had the ability to mask everything. A strange feeling of giddiness flitted through Usagi's chest as she watched him. Why did she want to know more? Why did him standing there half nude and calm under pressure make her want to smile?

"Hurry!" Mamoru whispered, interrupting Usagi's thoughts. She gasped, her footsteps heavily making their way to the bathroom as Mamoru made his way down the hall, throwing a t-shirt over his bare chest.

Usagi quickly slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Her last peak of Mamoru as she closed the door was him reaching for the doorknob of the front door. Usagi dressed silently, straining her ears to hear what was going on beyond the door. She held her breath, her heartbeat almost too loud in her silence. Mamoru's muffled voice greeted someone at the front door. With her shirt only half on, she pressed her ear against the bathroom door. Very lightly she could almost make out the voice of someone else. It was masculine. She pulled her shirt on over her head, hearing the door close again. Her heart beat faster now. How would she explain her presence at Mamoru's to someone? She swallowed hard and took a deep, long breath. Her fingers shook as she grasped the doorknob and pulled the bathroom door open.

Usagi stepped out into the room and glanced down the hall toward the eyes met their guest and she gasped. Seiya was standing there, his wide, shocked eyes starting right back into hers.

A/N:

I know it's tough being a Seiya/Usa or Mamo/Usa fan and feeling like things aren't going the way you hope, but I hope that you'll stick through no matter who you ship in the end. We've still got plenty of story to tell and lots of twists and turns to go!

Thank you, as always, for reading and also for your kind reviews!