A Game of Cat and Cat

by Zantetsuken Reverse

When supernatural crime strikes, as a wielder of magic powers, it's your responsibility to fight. If you're an endgame protagonist, a few criminals should be easy, right? Except your powers aren't exactly legal, and the cops are after you. And you're not the only endgame protagonist out there... A tale of cops, crooks, and everyone in between.

5. Chapter 5: (In)Effective Communication

The Law and Chaos heroes of SMT1, like the Hero and Heroine, only have suggested names. In this story, the Law Hero is Yoshio Asuka and the Chaos Hero is Takeshi Fudou, after Ryou Asuka and Akira Fudou of Devilman. Kazuya's surname, Kawamoto, comes from minor character Mikiko Kawamoto.

I admit Aoi and Naoki's conflict in the last chapter was a bit rushed. After every other peaceful and rational resolution, I wanted one where things went sour. And I wanted to invoke the foreshadowing that Naoki was weak to electric attacks.

In this story, there is no pecking order of power. I don't want to tout one character as the strongest in the franchises; I know how annoying it is to see your favorites being beaten to make the author's favorites look good (especially pitting entire franchises against each other). Instead, everyone has advantages or disadvantages against other people, with no one on top. After all, it's never in doubt that Julius can kill Soma, even if he lost against Dario, whom Soma defeated. Just because the Mysterious Villain suddenly shows up and defeats the Demi-Fiend doesn't mean he's the Biggest Threat to the Universe Ever; a dedicated sniper could chip him down.

That said, I will cheat and make the weaker one win if the plot requires it. I might add a handicap, give or take away weapons or advantages, or even make someone lucky. Even in fair fights, being better doesn't mean winning every time, just winning most of the time. To soften the blow, I'll try to explain my reasoning.

Given how customizable these characters are, these are just my interpretations of their fighting styles and stats; I do not claim to be the ultimate authority. I'm not using Diamond Realm DLC because the pre-Cataclysm Hero is somehow equal to the endgame protagonists (but I am using Kazuya's affinity for swords and Aleph's proclivity towards guns).

Naoki is a close-combat brawler whose greatest strengths are his power and durability; he's the primary damage dealer. Aoi is flexible and has multiple roles; she is a secondary damage dealer and a last resort healer, but her primary role is to attack first and Shock as many enemies as she can, so she's fast. Magic aside, she has a range advantage just by using weapons like whips and spears against fists. Of course, Naoki can finish the fight with a Gaea Rage whenever he wants… but who wastes a Gaea Rage on a random encounter?

From Naoki's point of view, Aoi is the fast, annoying enemy that spams Bind ailments, and can kill the whole party despite being ten levels lower. From Aoi's point of view, Naoki is That Boss ten levels above her. She's guaranteed to move before him, so if she can Shock Naoki, she has a very good chance of winning, but if Naoki hits her once, she's dead. I'd say it's 3:1 odds in Naoki's favor; 25% is a frustratingly high chance of being killed by a random encounter, and three times is a decent number of times to lose against a boss.

I heard that the people who worked on SMT4 and/or Apocalypse didn't know Stephen was based on Stephen Hawking. I think they knew, but didn't want to get sued. I also think he has the synthesizer in SMT1 and 2, but uses telepathy in later games.

The ending of Persona 5 has been spoiled, but I haven't finished it. I don't know what's public knowledge; does the average citizen know that the Phantom Thieves used supernatural means, or even their codenames? For the sake of the story, I assume the supernatural has not been made public. I plan on including some scenes where the Tokyo-based protagonists bring up intersections with the plot of Persona 5.

IT FINALLY MAKES SENSE! In the original Megami Tensei, the heroine Yumiko is the reincarnation of Izanami, but she also meets Izanami as a separate entity. I thought it was a Megaten-specific quirk, but the manga Akuma no Hanayome has Venus and her reincarnation also exist as separate entities. According to Chinese beliefs (imported to Japan), the soul is made from two parts, and after death, one reincarnates and the other stays on earth.

Minor clarification: Naoki doesn't have a split personality or someone else in his head talking to him. I just represent his thoughts as arguing with himself because he didn't have anyone to talk to in the first chapter, and it stuck.

Who knows what:

Only the cast of Castlevania knows that Soma is Dracula, and Kazuya only knows he knows magic.

Soma and Mina know that Kazuya is a summoner, and Yoko and the Agents know that there is a summoner in Haruhata, but not that it's Kazuya.

Soma and Mina know of the alternate universe where Kazuya is from.

Aoi knows Naoki is a demon. Her gang knows that he has superhuman strength, but nothing else about him.

How to Communicate (In)effectively

"At times, it can be difficult to resist the urge to garrote someone after you discover that they withheld information that would have been useful before you walked into that spider-infested forest without a map. Before you attract the attention of the local constable and meet your doom at the hands of another rope, keep in mind three things. One, you are a stranger in this land, and few would entrust strangers with their darkest secrets, such as the haberdasher's affair with the apothecary. Two, it is difficult to appraise the worth of information in the eyes of others; the fact that the cobbler is literate might not come up in casual conversation. Three, your grasp of the local language is probably imperfect. That said, you are responsible for asking for clarifications and providing them when necessary. However, there is no excuse for not telling someone that the antidote for spider bites uses vodka as a solvent."

-Diary of Leon Belmont, dated three days after the infamous Burning of Atterheim Woods incident. The bolded text was pressed so deeply into the page that the impressions in the following pages were visible 900 years after they were written

Of the many demon races Aoi knew and fought, Fiends were by far the most mysterious. Both Kazuya and Aoi had only encountered three Fiends in their entire lives: David in Ginza, the White Rider in Tokyo Destinyland, and Daisoujou in a broom closet in the Basilica. Each time, they had only emerged victorious after heavy losses, and earned little more than a fancy violin and a hefty bill from the healers. When Kazuya asked the Minister of the Mansion of Heretics a few questions on how to fuse one, the Minister shook his head and said fusing a Fiend required special materials.

"Aoi Miyama?" repeated Naoki Kashima. "Wow, that's… those are like the generic names you hear more than the names everyone says is generic."

Treating Naoki Kashima the way Kazuya negotiated with demons was a mistake. Aoi had thought that he was imitating humans by behaving like the humans who spoke with demons, but he didn't drop the mask under pressure.

"What were you expecting?" asked Aoi. "Something with 'lightning' or 'warrior' in it? Something thematically significant and pretentiously overblown? Or you thought I was related to someone famous?"

Picking a fight was an even worse mistake. Aoi had challenged him to assert dominance, the way Kazuya did, except she'd forgotten that he never attacked to show how strong he was. Once he knew she was stronger, she could let him go, because he'd know she could kill him if he stepped out of line.

Except Naoki hadn't been cowed, and if he hadn't shown her mercy at the last second, she could have died.

"I don't know what I was expecting," admitted Naoki. "It is a nice name, though."

The more Naoki spoke, the more human he seemed. Aoi knew many people who were a mix of human and demon, but Naoki didn't seem to fit in the usual three categories (Demonoid, Nephilim, and Vector). In fact—

Wait a minute.

"Let us continue this conversation elsewhere," said Aoi.

"What?" said Naoki. "We just got here! What's the point of calling me all the way out here if—"

"An abandoned power plant on the edge of town is a good place for a secret meeting," said Aoi. "The site of an explosion that levelled a dozen trees isn't."

Naoki looked back at the tunnel of destruction. "I guess it is pretty obvious something happened, but they'd have to come all this way to-"

"Do you have any idea how bright it was?" said Aoi.

Naoki shook his head. "Are you sure it's that bright, or does it just hurt your night vision?"

Aoi shrugged. "Why take chances? If we start running now, we can dodge the rozz."

"The what?"

"The, um… fuzz," said Aoi, trying to recall how her grandmother/mother referred to people who caught criminals. "Thieftakers? Pigs? Feds?"

"The police?"

"Yes, the police," said Aoi.

Naoki cocked his head to the side. "Seriously, what is with your accent?"

"Not important," said Aoi, taking one step towards him. He stepped back. "I can warp us out, but I need to touch you. If you want answers, get over here."

Moving more like a skittish Bai Ze than the Fiend he truly was, Naoki walked towards her, and Aoi put her hand on his.

"Traport."

X

There wasn't a lot to say after Mina let Kazuya go. Mutters of thanks, an offer of dinner, an offer of dessert, a revelation that two of them spent the entire conversation without introducing each other, some introductions, another mutter of good night. Kazuya left first, leaving Soma and Mina alone. They didn't have much to say, either, and bade each other good night.

Soma had gone on a snack run, so when he came back, Kazuya had already left for the communal bathroom (unless Kazuya had decided that a towel and toiletries would serve him better when running for his life than food and a computer). Rather than return to his homework or gather his things for the shower as well, Soma sat quietly, deep in thought.

By the time Kazuya returned, Soma had made up his mind.

"Let's do this while Mina's not here," said Soma. "You have questions. You wanted to ask them, but after Mina did you the favor of forgiving you, you feel asking for more would be impertinent. Or you had to submit for her mercy, and breaking that mask and acting like yourself would send you straight to jail. Maybe both. The point is, I have the time and I've never cared that you're a demon summoner."

Kazuya looked momentarily taken aback, before his face hardened into the usual stone.

"I've lived with you for almost a year, Kazuya," continued Soma. "I know how persistent you get when you care, and I know damn well how frustrating it is to not have your questions answered. If we don't do this now, you'll… go behinds our backs and do whatever arcane hacker magic you do."

"I'm a programmer, not a hacker," said Kazuya flatly.

"Then how did you get your money back from that scam?"

"I lied. I used a demon."

Soma shrugged. "Whatever you're planning, don't do it. Just ask; it'll be easier than spying." He leaned in closer and whispered, "I have no idea how thin our walls are, so let's assume that the people next door can hear everything we say. How about we pretend we're talking about… Eternal Punishment Online character creation?"

Kazuya nodded, and said at a normal volume, "I only have two questions. Can you answer for Mina, too?"

"I'll try, but I might get some things wrong," said Soma.

"Good enough. First, what are your…skills, and how does your character know demons are real? Did Stephen make a portal?" Kazuya paused. "I mean, was there a scenario where someone named Stephen made a portal, like in… um… what was the one before Eternal Punishment?"

Soma shook his head, and leaned in again. "You know what? Save the roleplaying for when people can see us. Let's just whisper."

"Ten-four," Kazuya whispered back.

"…I'm going to assume that means yes. The only physicist named Stephen I've ever heard of is Stephen Hawking, and he died before I was born. All I know about him is that he did quantum physics and had a wheelchair and voice synthesizer."

Kazuya stared. "…My Stephen had those, too."

Soma shrugged. "Then it's probably him. Anyways, if our Stephen made that portal, either trains and boats would be obsolete, or demons would be common knowledge by now. Or maybe it takes too much power to run a teleporter."

"No, they worked just fine when I'm from," said Kazuya. "Even before proper infrastructure was restored, I could wake up in Shinjuku's Underground Mall, spend the whole day killing demons in Ginza Station, and be back at Tokyo Destinyland by teatime. According to Stephen, you could harvest infinite (or a finite but arbitrarily large amount of) energy using the Demon World. He fixed my COMP so it never runs out of power, too."

Soma blinked. "You still had Destinyland in the future?"

"Enough of the castle survived for the survivors to turn it into a fortress. But we're getting off topic. Why do you and Mina know about demons?"

"Well, it all started two y-" Soma stopped. "It's technically because of Mina, so you need to know about her first. Her family has kept a shrine for… I don't know how long, so she's been doing magic since she was eight." He paused. "Well, that's more magic than demons, but all part of the same package."

"Then why didn't she use it on me or Cerberus?"

Soma shrugged. "You'll have to ask her, but I don't think she knows any offensive spells. I've seen her heal, and her family can seal, and maybe she can do wards and exorcisms, but I haven't seen her fight." As a safety precaution, Soma wasn't allowed to know any more about the Hakuba skillset than he already did. In theory, he wasn't supposed to know about the Belmont and Belnades family techniques, but there wasn't much point if Dracula had already seen their traditional arsenal anyways. Sometimes, Soma wondered if there were other hunter families that he wasn't allowed to know about.

Wait, wouldn't it seem weird if you didn't know if she could fight? Kali interrupted.

Yeah, you're her best friend! a Student Witch chirped. Why wouldn't she tell you?

Darn, you're right, Soma thought. All right, excuses, excuses…

Too difficult, suggested Stolas.

Too boring? Werejaguar suggested.

Not enough time, added Skeleton Farmer.

She's ashamed of her weakness, said a Witch.

Kazuya crossed his arms. "If I ask Mina for information, she will become suspicious."

Internally, Soma cheered. "I guess so," he said. "You don't need to worry about her, anyways. Like you said, if she knew offensive spells, she would have used them by now."

Kazuya nodded. "What about you? Did she tell you?"

Soma shrugged. "Technically, she told me when we were kids, but that doesn't count because she wasn't allowed to show me anything, and I thought it was a game. I only really knew after about two years ago. Remember that eclipse, last year of high school?"

Kazuya nodded.

"That's the day," said Soma. "A long time ago, Mina's family sealed the castle of an evil wizard inside of a solar eclipse."

Kazuya blinked. "How is that even possible?"

Soma shook his head. "I don't know."

"I'm not talking about how the magic worked; how can physical object be placed inside a moment in time?" asked Kazuya. "Was it on the moon? Did the castle only exist when there was a solar eclipse? Or was it some metaphor, like the castle was moved to the same cave where Amaterasu sealed herself?"

"I asked, but it was too complicated." This wasn't a lie. Mina had explained it as best she could when they were in Castlevania, before she knew he was Dracula, but it didn't make sense (especially when a dozen magic users were shouting even more confusing laws and addendums about the subject at once). After they escaped, she condensed it to a memo, but wasn't allowed to give it to him for more security reasons. "Anyways, regardless of how they managed it, the seal was leaky. When we came to watch the eclipse, it almost broke. The castle was still sealed, but it could still draw people in. One moment, I was climbing some stairs, and then BAM! I'm on the floor of an evil castle inside of a solar eclipse, which was somehow locked in perpetual night with a full moon even though solar eclipses are new moons by definition."

Kazuya crossed his arms. "Is this relevant?"

"No, just bizarre," said Soma. "It turned out that I'm the reincarnation of a powerful wizard, which is why I can use magic. The evil wizard's castle was full of monsters, and getting attacked by one triggered my powers." As soon as he said it, Soma cursed inwardly; volunteering too much information, especially in front of someone who might have known other magic users, was a terrible bluff.

Kazuya just nodded. "I've seen that before. Stress isn't enough; I heard that latent magic reacts to sources of active magic. Most magic users I met in 1999 only discovered they had magic after the demons came."

Soma hid his sigh of relief as best he could, and forced his body to relax as he as he tried to ask as casually as possible, "Just curious. You said the Resistance Leader reincarnated, too, didn't she? How did you know it was her? Did she have the same magic?"

Kazuya blinked. "It wasn't that she had the same magic… well, she did, but her arsenal is so generic that it's not proof. She had the same name and she looked almost the same… well, her…um… her father in this life was her cousin in her last life, and he named his daughter after… well, herself, so that doesn't count. But she did have some memories from her past life. The way she fought, too, was the same; it was completely different from the Messi—how the people who raised her. We also had this… psychic link that carried over."

Soma nodded, not really paying attention. The proof wasn't important. "So she was pretty much the same person?"

"Well, she spoke a lot more bluntly the second time around, lost her precognitive powers, and I knew her for about a month in her first life and a couple of decades in her second, but I'd say yes. Philosophy might not agree with me, but they haven't proven reincarnation is real yet."

Despite himself, Soma's throat clenched. That settled it. He could not tell Kazuya the truth about himself or his powers. It felt wrong to lie to him after he'd shown his belly and spilled his heart, but now he knew that Kazuya didn't distinguish between past lives. It was one thing to admit to summoning demons in self-defense, and another entirely to admit to being the more infamous vampire to ever… live.

"What about you?" asked Kazuya. "How did you find out about your past life?"

Soma shrugged. "Someone who knew me in my last life told me," he said. Technically, he figured it out moments before Arikado showed up. "He never tells me anything, so I don't know how he knew."

Kazuya nodded. "So you're trapped in a castle, you discover you have magic powers, and reincarnation is real. What happened next?"

"Not much," said Soma. "We escaped a few weeks later, it turned out that the eclipse had just ended on the outside."

Kazuya was silent for a moment, until he realized that Soma was finished. "That's it?"

"No, we got treated to a large and expensive lunch, went home, and took a week off of school because we both needed time to reintegrate into a society where everything is too loud and no one tries to kill you," said Soma, and sighed. "Look, it's not that I'm hiding anything, it's just that I don't think you want to hear about what kind of monsters we fought or some people you'll never meet."

"…I told you about Gouto, Thorman, Ao-"

"Yes, but you had to tell us about them to explain how you traveled to the future," said Soma. "If you just want to know why I know demons are real, it would be a waste of time to tell you about the American Marine [1] who opened up a shop, the cult leader who claimed to be the reincarnation of the evil wizard who owned the castle, the amnesiac with a single-letter name, the-"

"Yes, I get the idea," said Kazuya.

A door opened in the hallway. Soma flinched, but Kazuya didn't seem to notice. "If Naoki comes in, we're going back to EP," he hissed. "I'm making the character…" Inside him, hundreds of souls clamored for attention, shouting out suggestions, each more ridiculous than the last. "…Dark Manakete Blue Mage Mathias Stormblood? It's fine if you don't remember; more realistic that way."

Kazuya whispered back, "Human Summoner Eleonora Redfern. Now, can we finish this before Naoki comes back? What kind of magic can you do?"

"I can make weapons from thin air," said Soma. "Knives, swords, axes, spears, bow and arrow, things like that. Also, curry, for some reason."

Soma had considered copping to Dominance, since it was dark magic just like summoning, and he only used it in self-defense. Except they weren't the same; all they had in common was that their powers were illegal and controlled monsters. The more Kazuya explained himself, the more Soma wanted to hug him and tell him he was safe and everything was all right; if Soma explained himself, Kazuya would slowly edge out of the room and call an exorcist, summoner status be damned. Kazuya kept the contracts at arm's length, in that computer of his, Soma imprisoned his monsters inside of his mind (in a completely non-emo way). Kazuya made contracts, Soma stole souls. Yes, Kazuya had to kill to sustain his demons, but at least he left them to their eternal rest afterwards. And Soma was pretty sure that there was some amount of mind control involved with Dominance, if none of them had kicked and screamed their way out like Dmitrii.

Also, if Soma inherited his power from his past life, it would certainly bring into question what kind of person would design magic that ripped souls out of dead monsters.

Kazuya blinked. "Oh. So you didn't need to take your coat off after all. What about fireballs?"

Darn, Soma almost forgot about that. "I can do those, too."

Quick, I need an excuse! What kind of a theme encompasses fire, weapons, and curry?

The Forge, said a Werewolf.

The Kitchen, said a Werejaguar.

Forge!

Kitchen!

Forge, but you can summon curry because it too is 'hot', said Killer Clown.

"Is that all?" asked Kazuya.

It took Soma a moment to realize that he wasn't the one who said that. "Yes."

"Hm," said Kazuya. "You said you've been doing this for two years?"

"Yes," said Soma. Explaining how he 'lost' his powers until he found some souls last December would raise some awkward questions.

"That does raise some interesting questions," said Kazuya.

Crap.

"You and Mina are the only magic users I've met who specialized so much," continued Kazuya. "I've never met a single combat-ready magic user who didn't know any healing magic. And even the most hardcore medics knew a little offensive magic." [2]

Soma shrugged. "Really? I would have thought they would master their arts before branching out."

Kazuya blinked. "…I am honestly impressed that you two survived for that long."

Soma silently stared at Kazuya. All right, we've spoken maybe four or five times in the past eight months, and the longest conversation we ever had was about dishes, but we all know Kazuya's not the best with people. "…Do you really think so?" he hazarded politely.

"Yes," said Kazuya with a tone that could have been unabashed sincerity or incredibly subtle sarcasm. "Charging into a demon-infested building with one healer and only one elemental attack was incredibly brave, especially for someone as inexperienced as you."

…There's no way that isn't sarcasm. "Actually, I was alone the whole time, so it was just one elemental attack," said Soma, annoyed.

Kazuya's expression changed to something close to, but not quite…disgust? His mouth opened and closed several times, puffing out half-formed syllables, before he managed a strangled, "Why?"

Soma almost flinched. Almost. There was probably a story behind that. "There were five other people in the castle with me, besides Mina, and our goals didn't always match up," he explained. "Two were deliberately trying to avoid me—well, one was up to no good and avoided everyone, but the other just didn't want to talk to me. Another one was tracking him—the evil one—so she couldn't stop for me. I tried teaming up with the fourth, but he was so much faster that I felt bad about holding him back. The last one wanted to escape like me and Mina, but neither of them could keep up with me, so they gave up and went treasure hunting instead."

"And none of you thought survival was more important than pride?" said Kazuya icily. "You didn't want the help of people you thought were weaker than you?"

Soma blinked. Yeah, there was definitely a story there. "Look, I had to go to the most dangerous parts of the castle. I wasn't going to put them in danger."

"So you left them behind?" Kazuya's voice, cold in the best of times, had dropped to the negative double digits.

Ah. That explained it. Soma could see it now: Kazuya, rushing off to an urgent summons, neglecting the defenses around his loved ones, and—

Soma hadn't realized his hands were shaking. "I didn't just dump them in a closet, if that's what you're asking," he said behind gritted teeth. "Someone—the one who was avoiding me and wasn't evil—put up a barrier up at the entrance. No monster could get through. They were safe there."

Kazuya blinked owlishly, anger clouded by confusion. "So… you didn't abandon your comrades the second you stopped needing them so that you could go on a mad quest for power?"

Damndamndamndamnheknows—

Don't be an idiot, sweetcheeks, said a Lilim. He's talking about something else. I was there.

"No, of course not," said Soma.

Kazuya's shoulders relaxed, anger cooled (or thawed). "I misjudged you," he said at last. "I thought you were… no, you were trying to protect your…" He blinked. "Oh god." Kazuya cocked his head, looking at Soma as if he'd never seen him before. His expression was clearly awe; what was less clear was whether this was football fan's 'can I have your autograph' or the doctor's 'you smoke how many packs a day?' "…You had absolutely no experience with magic, you hadn't even known magic was real, and you were there for… a period of time measurable in weeks. And yet you charged straight into danger to protect your friends."

"Well, I mean, you did the same thing, didn't you?" Soma blinked. Oh god, he did the same thing without Dominance.

Kazuya waved off the compliment. "That's different. I had help. How did you survive?"

Soma bit back the urge to give a sarcastic reply. The longer this conversation went on, the more he was sure that Kazuya lacked any capacity for subtlety; if he thought Soma was being an idiot, it would have shown on his face.

"Let me rephrase that before you get the wrong idea," Kazuya added when he saw Soma's expression. "When… um… monsters attacked, how did you stop them from killing you? Are you good at dodging or running? Do you attack so fast that they can't hit you, or are you so strong that you can destroy them with one mighty blow? What kind of armor do you favor?"

"I… all of the above, actually," said Soma. "If I had to choose, though, dodging saved my life more than anything else. How about you?"

Kazuya shrugged. "I move more than I hit, but that doesn't give my team enough credit. My greatest strength is probably coordinating. I always had at least two healers, a… demon that could boost speed and defense, a decoy or two, and a tank."

"…Like a meat shield?" Soma's hands clenched. Disgust welled up from the depths of his heart, every drop his own. Never, at least in his life as Soma Cruz, would he treat his souls so callously. Sure, taking souls was worse than signing a contract, but at least he treated his monsters with digni—

"Call me craven if you must, but I still live," said Kazuya in a hard voice. "If you haven't already noticed, the human body is fragile. Better that my revivable minions are temporarily inconvenienced than my friends are dead."

Soma stared. "…They don't resent you?" he managed after a long pause.

"They knew what they were getting into when they joined," said Kazuya. He cocked his head to the side. "You feel sorry for them?"

"Of course I do," said Soma.

"…You're either a molodoy-headed nazz or you've got a bleeding ticker," said Kazuya. "And I'm inclined to think the latter, if you survived this long."

"…Come again?"

"You're either a naïve idiot or you've got enough shilarny for all the Sammy shaikas in—I mean, too nice for your own good. Anyone who can pity the same things that attack them are-"

Look out the window, this instant!

Soma jolted up and bolted to the window.

…Who said that, and what am I looking at?

Art thou so callous that thou cannot recall the names of—

Just get to the point, Amalric Sniper #6, who shot me five times before I took you down with three axes, two—

Can thou see the mountains beyond thy school?

Soma shifted his position. All he could see was a black sky and some blacker jagged triangles dotted with multicolored lights, but that was just him. It would have been easy to say that his souls could see and hear what he saw and heard and call it a day, but that wasn't quite accurate; they used the same light that entered his eyes and the same pressure waves that entered his ears, but they interpreted it differently. The tsuchinoko rambled on and on about the beauty of infrared, the werebeasts couldn't stand dog whistles, and most of them had better night vision than he did.

As I suspected. That was no ordinary light.

"What do you see?" Kazuya hissed.

"Nothing," said Soma. Is it something that can wait? And don't tell me what's there; that would be suspicious.

Judging by the wind speed today, flying shouldn't take more than—

Thank you, Malphas, but that's not what I'm worried about. I'm sticking with the forge theme, and that means nothing but weapons, fire, and curry in front of my roommate.

Well, you are turning into a bat.

I appreciate the thought, but that joke doesn't work in Japanese, Killer Clown.

Yeah, it can wait, but I suggest you go check it out before tomorrow.

Thank you, Skeleton Archer.

Kazuya crossed his arms. "Soma. I'm not an idiot. What is going on?"

"I don't know, but something's wrong," said Soma. "Did you see that light?" Don't tell me what's there; I shouldn't be able to see that.

Kazuya uncrossed his arms. "How should I know? You were the one facing the window."

Dost thou wish to know the location?

Soma considered this. Keep it general.

You can see four peaks from this window. It's on the second from the left, a third from the top.

Soma sighed. "Never mind, it doesn't look like we can make it," he lied. "I can see where it is, but I don't know which bus routes we can take."

Kazuya put on his COMP. "Who says we need the bus?"

X

Meanwhile, next door…

Ichiro Makimura looked over his eavesdropping notes. "Hm… never mind, they're LARPers. I thought they'd be good recruits for the coming revolution."

X

Meanwhile, in the other room next door…

Shinji Asuka played back the footage from next door, and concluded that they had nothing to do with Cyber Hell's inevitable assault with giant robots.

X

Naoki hated teleporting. Using the Terminals was fine; riding the flow of Magatsuhi through the Amala Network was like a roller coaster. What he hated was being forcibly warped, especially when he stepped onto the wrong tiles in the Labyrinth of Amala. It didn't exactly hurt, but the jump between points was so abrupt that Naoki couldn't get used to them; it was like watching a spliced film cartoon that jumped from a highly detailed black and white landscape to a brightly colored animation of Devilman fighting Mothra.

Aoi's teleportation spell felt more like riding up an elevator: something invisible pushing him, a sensation of the cosmos around him, and a gentle stop before returning to the world.

In this case, the world was a waiting room. Cheap folding chairs, magazines several months out of date (even a few Ayakashi Monthlies; Naoki had a subscription), tacky ornaments, drab walls, bored-looking people… it couldn't have been mistaken for anything else. All right, it could have been mistaken for a lot of things, but Naoki was pretty sure that it was a waiting room.

"Hello, Madam Pain," said a foreign man sitting at a makeshift desk, reading what looked like a child's workbook (He said Madam Pain in English). "Back again?"

"Hello, Mr. Adams," said Aoi in English. Then she said some stuff in English that Naoki couldn't follow, although he could have sworn she said 'The Dude' four or five times.

"Although not having a bone is bad, your health is now good," said Mr. Adams slowly. "You cannot see the doctor now, because he is busy. Come back later tonight."

Aoi said more stuff in English. Mr. Adams repeated what she said with greater emphasis, and Aoi repeated it.

"…Madam Pain?" said Naoki.

"It's an alias," said Aoi. She then said more stuff in English.

Mr. Adams nodded, and wrote something down on a sheet of paper. "You speak English better than you did before."

Aoi thanked him, and said more stuff.

"What was that all about?" asked Naoki, after they said their goodbyes.

"My teleport spell can only send me to places I've designated, I can only designate one place at a time, I picked a doctor's office, I'm learning English from the secretary, and I want an appointment to get that rib fixed."

There were so many things wrong with that sentence that Naoki could only vocalize one. "At eleven at night?"

"Underground doctor," said Aoi, taking time to wave 'hi' to the other waiting patients.

"Who doesn't sleep?" said Naoki incredulously.

"Apparently not."

"New follower?" asked a patient with blue hair.

"Not today, Reaper, just a bystander," said Aoi. "Just found out about magic; showing him the ropes."

A handsome patient sitting next to the blue-haired one stood up and gave Naoki a business card. "I'm Agent Lily, of the Agency of Supernatural Investigations. If you run into any trouble, please call that number."

Naoki took it and thanked him.

"…You have business cards now?" said Aoi.

"Yeah, I know, right?" said a patient Naoki had thought was foreign until she opened her mouth. "We're secret agents! Recon duty should be spying, not advertising!"

Another foreign-looking patient sighed. "Do you think I get clients by showing up in the middle of the night and telling people they have a Kelpie problem?"

"You're new," said Aoi.

"I'm a mercenary," said the mercenary. "And you are?"

"Everyone calls me Madam," said Aoi.

"I'm…" Naoki stopped. "Should I make up an alias, too?"

"If you plan on lurking in more dark alleyways, I would," said Aoi. "Makes it harder for the millicents to get you… no offense."

"…If millicents means 'police,' none taken," said the foreign-looking agent. "I'm Yoko Belnades. And no, that is not an alias; I use my real name for professional reasons." Yoko handed them business cards. Aoi hesitated a tad too long before taking one.

Naoki gestured at the room. "Three secret agents. One mercenary. An underground doctor and a secretary. Didn't you say that there isn't an underground community?"

"Knowing one organization is not a community," said Aoi.

"Yes, but you knew him, too," said Naoki, pointing at the secretary.

Aoi said something in English to Mr. Adams, probably reassuring him that they weren't talking behind his back, before saying in Japanese, "They're bad examples. If you get into a lot of fights and your droogs aren't as good as you, you know someone who can patch you up for a minimum of deng. And if you live in the city long enough—and I mean really live in the city, not just stay on campus all the time—you'll run into the Agency sooner or later. They go through clients like Team Rocket goes through schemes. But in a good way," she added quickly.

"Like a television serial," said Agent Lily.

"Next week, the Agency faces its greatest enemy: the giant robot powered by rat ghosts!" intoned Reaper in a dramatic voice. "Will Agent Seal vanquish the foe from the deep? Find out on the next episode of Secret Agent Men!"

"…We're either the worst or the best at our jobs," grumbled the foreign-looking agent who wasn't Yoko.

"Big up, Dragon, you've saved a lot of people."

"…Big up?" repeated Dragon.

"At the moment of this comment, I praise you in a generic manner and encourage your self-esteem," translated Aoi.

Reaper laughed. "Now you know how we felt, Ginko!"

"No, Dragon's better about it than Madam," said Lily. "Dragon, you consciously insert Cantonese into your sentences, and your vocabulary is limited to exclamations and less common words, like 'darling.' Madam, you don't seem to notice when you substitute common words like 'pencil' and 'chair,' and you use different words for the same thing."

Aoi shrugged. "You can tell from context, can't you? Horrorshow. New guy, we're leaving."

"Wait." Naoki turned to the agents. "Is it true that you know everyone?"

"Ehh… not everyone," said Dragon/Ginko. "Only the people we rescue."

"Daisuke Higawa," said Naoki. "Do you know him?"

The agents, minus Yoko, huddled together, whispering. Naoki's ears were sharp, but only in the sense that he could identify distant sounds; he could tell a Zhen's chirp from a Badb Catha's in a hurricane, but listening to words was difficult.

"We're looking for him, too," said Reaper when they broke the huddle. "I mean, we're looking for everyone who went missing, but he's one of them."

"We've never seen him before, though," said Dragon. "I think Tiger said she got into a fistfight with him once, but that's it."

"Your testimony would be useful, though," said Lily, taking out a notepad. "When was the last time you saw him? What was he doing?"

Naoki answered his questions as best as he could. Lily looked disappointed, but he thanked him politely.

Come on, if it were that easy, it would sound like a trap. Haruhata's a big city.

Yes, but the Vortex World is a big world, and there was no telecommunications net.

How big was it, really?

Didn't the Amala Network count as a telecommunications net?

Yeah, but only three people knew how to use it.

How did anyone know what was going on, anyways?

And any humans would be news.

Wait, get into fights?

"Madam, I want to ask the secretary something. Could you please translate?"

"How do you know I'll be translating honestly?"

"Because…" Naoki blinked. When Aoi was on the verge of death, she looked just like Hijiri, but now she resembled someone else. "Are you a teacher or something?"

The edges of Aoi's mouth twitched upwards. "You could say that."

"…What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ask me later. Oi!" Aoi waved at Mr. Adams, and said something in English. The secretary responded, and there was some back and forth, shaking of heads, consultation of a book, and what looked like a bribe. "He says that patient confidentiality is absolute."

"But you're already-"

"To know what you say, I do not need to know Japanese," said Mr. Adams in halting Japanese. "Is true, if police know doctor help you, police will arrest doctor. But we do not tell everyone we help patient because patient might kill us. If two patients fight, we help both. Help is equal."

It takes a special job to learn 'kill' but not 'illegal'.

"Yakuza?" said Naoki.

Mr. Adams said more stuff.

"He says he can't say, but he really means yes," said Aoi. "If you're done here, I'd like to have some questions answered."

X

Mina did not like to talk about Castlevania. It wasn't that the experience was painful or traumatizing; she couldn't explore very far in, even when Hammer lent her guns, and so the burden was mostly shifted to Soma. The worst she ever saw was zombies.

Thunk!

Therein lay the pain. Castlevania was… shameful. It was not merely embarrassing; embarrassing would be clumsily attempting to help Soma on his grand mission and failing in a hilarious and endearing manner, necessitating her inevitable rescue.

Thunk!

No, what kept Mina awake at night was the fact that she couldn't do anything. If she told her magic-using family and friends, they would rub her head and assure her that Castlevania was the apex of a vampire hunter's career and it was no shame for an apprentice miko to stand back, or they would warn her of Richter Belmont, whose ennui had left him susceptible to dark magic. And her common sense agreed.

Except it wasn't the enigmatic agent Arikado, the experienced magician Yoko, the veteran Julius, or even the Marine Hammer who conquered the castle. It was her friend Soma, the only person who was less qualified than her.

Thunk!

Of course she was happy for him, and his journey hadn't exactly been a rose-lined walk through the park, but she couldn't help but feel like a stupid damsel.

THUNK! THUNK!

Celia attacking her and Soma in the middle of the street solidified that feeling. With Castlevania, she could at least lick her wounds with the assurances that Castlevania had killed hardened warriors, and Soma's status as Dracula's reincarnation was a decent excuse for his lack of experience. It was his castle, after all.

THUNK!

Celia had just sent three grunts at her, and all she could do was cower behind yet another barrier—that she hadn't made—while Soma, with only a knife and his own soul, killed the monsters without breaking a sweat. The fake hostage trick was the nail in the coffin.

Thunk!

She hadn't even had to be there to be a burden. Soma almost took a swan dive off the deep end because he thought she was dead.

THUNK!

And then Kazuya showed up, the first shovelful of dirt on top of the coffin, and all she could do was wave a chair around in the face of a hellhound the size of a lion. To add insult to… well, insult, the smart, sane route of calling for help turned out to be the prejudiced ramblings of a stupid girl who didn't know nearly as much as she thought she did. She could have sent an innocent man to the gallows.

Thunk!

Mina didn't need to be a veteran monster hunter to know what role she was being shoved into. She just had to read books.

Thunk.

After all, what anime hadn't had the Evil Emperor's Lieutenant kidnap/hold hostage the wife/girlfriend/daughter/friend of the hero/hero's friend/supporting protagonist/noble knight of the Evil Empire? And who didn't hate the wife/girlfriend/daughter/friend for being a liability?

Thunk!

The die was cast. She was the friend of a powerful, hated mage, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

Thunk!

(All right, she could just break off their friendship, but sentiment aside, it didn't seem like a good idea. It would take a while for his enemies to learn that they were no longer friends, and in the meantime, she didn't have his protection.)

Thunk!

I will not be the healer who gets kidnapped.

Thunk!

I will not be the damsel who dies for the plot.

Thunk.

Back in the old days, miko didn't just use the blessed hama-ya and hama-yumi for rituals. They shot people with them.

[A/N: Hama-ya and Hama-yumi literally mean evil-destroying arrow/bow. Yes, it's the same hama as the Hama spell.]

Thunk!

If they could do it, why can't I?

Thunk!

Mina was disappointed—but not surprised to see—that her last shot had not pierced the bullseye and shattered the target in one mighty blow, but instead hit the second outermost ring.

Mina lowered the bow, arms aching. She wasn't going to the Olympics any time soon, but she could hit the target. Of course, all those arrows wouldn't mean a thing without magic backing them up, but Mina had hama-ya to spare.

Now all she needed to do was carry her archery bag with her for the rest of her life without getting stopped or detained by police. She was pretty sure that she could give the—

A line of white light pierced through the darkness, thin as a cobweb and shorter than her fingernail, but bright as a camera flash at midnight. Mina blinked away the residual glow.

"…Okay, that was weird, but it's…"

Mina bit back the last word.

Every time someone says 'it's nothing' in a movie, it never is. Especially if you're in a horror movie, and life is basically a horror movie now, isn't it? I mean, adding Dracula to anything makes it horror automatically.

That said, if life were a horror movie, Kazuya would have already been killed by one of his demons. There's probably a perfectly logical explanation for this—

And it's probably wrong. Let's look at this realistically. That radio tower doesn't blind me when I look at it. What kind of normal light does that? I can't name a single one that—

All right, it's just an excuse to check out something weird.

Mina fished out some paper talismans out of her bag (only one of them was too shredded to use), sorted the practice arrows from the hama-ya (thank goodness for that special compartment), and checked the charge on her phone.

Right. On one hand, it was her job to check things like that out.

On the other hand, it didn't seem like a good idea to go without backup.

On the first hand, did she really want to be the kind of whiny girl who couldn't do a thing without a man?

On the second hand, would she rather be the kind of stupid girl who couldn't do a thing without a man, but was too stupid to realize that, and constantly had to be rescued by that man?

After reflecting upon it, Mina decided that there was no shame in asking for help. She unlocked her phone.

"Hi Soma, could we meet up? Like, now? I was thinking about getting a chocolate-banana sundae from that store that just opened up, and I can't finish it on my own."

Shortly after escaping Castlevania, the survivors made their own code. For exampling, naming a specific dessert meant 'Let's have a secret meeting'. Simply going out for ice cream or crepes was just an invitation; adding two or more flavors, ingredients, or toppings signaled a meeting. There was also a counter-phase (three or more items of clothing in one sentence) that meant that it was just a meetup and one of them was simply very enthusiastic about sugar. Of course, there had been a few close calls over things not immediately recognizable as desserts (apparently, cozonac with wine and oranges meant 'cake flavored with oranges with sweet wine poured on top,' tochitura with wine and oranges meant 'a meal of stew served with wine and ended with fresh oranges', and Americans sometimes put bacon in their milkshakes) and what counted as a dessert (especially over why a frappe was not a dessert but an affogato was), but since it required meetups anyways, it worked out. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any dresses made from icing sugar any time soon.

There was some commotion on the other end. "Hi, Mina, I'm doing something now—"

"There's a great spot up in the mountains."

"I got you."

There was more discussion on the other end.

"All right, Mina, I can pick you up. Where are you?"

"Archery butts," said Mina.

"Great, that's right next to the Chemistry building. Could you… you know, it's a great place to go stargazing. You should try it sometime."

Mina cleared her throat. "And where will you pick me up?"

"Oh, um… just down the street."

"Got it. Bye!"

"See you there."

Mina packed up her stuff and climbed the four stories of the Chemistry building. We need a code for 'disregard that last statement'.

The Chemistry Building was indeed a great place to look at the stars. It was on the edge of campus, bordering the track and football field, so light pollution was much more heavily cut.

"…Wait, Soma can't carry anyone as a bat."

Mina stared at the skyline. "I mean, maybe he could parkour his way there, but is that really more efficient than just taking the bus? And it's not like he can carry me… well, he can swing the Sword (still) in the Stone with one hand, but jumping around carrying me would cause a lot of whiplash issUUUUEEE—"

A gigantic shadow swooped down from above, blasting everything around it with a chilly wind. Mina sprang back, hand shaking.

Damndamndamndontpanicdontpanic—why did I get a bag with a zipper—

After some fumbling, Mina managed to unsling her bow and nock a single arrow. Aiming wasn't difficult, she'd already spent over an hour sh—

"Don't shoot!" Soma yelled.

A tiny ball of fire appeared over the shadow, revealing Soma and Kazuya. They were astride a large Pegasus—no, a huge, winged wolf.

"Sorry about that," said Kazuya. "Had to check how easily you'd spook." He whistled. "Is that a hama-yumi? You armed yourself fast. Isn't that sacrilegious or something?"

"Why? They're weapons," said Mina. Mina was not a Christian, but the vampire hunters' Holy Water use seemed a lot more sacrilegious than shooting enemies with weapons honoring a demon-slaying warrior. Especially the way Julius used it. Soma still wouldn't accept his famous Linguini di Mare, no matter how thoroughly he washed the pot.

"You saw that light, too?" Soma said quickly.

Mina nodded.

"We're going after it. Hop on!"

X

Humans who were partially demons, or demons who were partially humans, were not exactly uncommon sights in Aoi's experience. The Order of Messiah, which raised Aoi, classified them under three terms: Demonoid, Nephilim, and Vector, although they were open to the possibility of more types.

Demonoids, the result of a human fusing with a demon, were by far the most common. In those wild, starving days, when guns, men, and prayer were not enough to protect the little enclave, a few desperate souls, maddened by grief and hunger, would enter the Mansion of Heretics with beaten, captive demons. Some emerged with great powers. Others did not emerge at all, having lost either their lives or their identities.

Takeshi Fudou, one of Kazuya's friends from the past, was the luckiest Demonoid Aoi had known; he emerged with his sanity (relatively) intact. She suspected it had something to do with using one of Kazuya's contracted demons instead of a wild one; she wasn't present for Takeshi's fusion, but Kazuya's demons were always docile when he ordered them into the fusion chambers, unlike the defiant, trussed-up demons she'd seen paraded into the halls of Shibuya so many times before.

That said, Takeshi was insane even by demon standards. He killed whoever he wanted to prove his strength; never his friends, but often his allies. This was a common trait among Demonoids; they thought they were invincible and needed to show the world at every turn.

From what little Aoi saw of him, Naoki Kashima thought himself invincible, but approached this arrogance in the opposite direction. Where most Demonoids showed off their power by crushing their enemies as messily as they could, Naoki showed off by beating her gang with his hands tied behind his back, so to speak. From what little she could see of Naoki's face in the dim firelight, he didn't look afraid when she stunned and shot him, not even in the way blowhards try to retain dignity in the face of death.

But even if he was the most arrogant demon Aoi had ever met, he surrendered too easily, even—no, especially when he had the high ground. What's more, Naoki acted more like a summoner than a demon, and Demonoids could not summon.

Nephilim was the Messian term for people born part human and part demon; the original word referred to someone with a specific kind of parentage (male fallen angel and female human), and using it for the fruit of every union was like referring to every fruit as a pineapple, but it was the word Aoi grew up on. Every group used their own word, and the attempts to standardize it caused too much backlash over freedom of expression. The most technically correct term was Half-demon or Half-human, which Aoi found degrading. Hybrid was also common, but the term could also be used for anything from partially electric cars to crops that underwent selective breeding. Devil Child didn't work after the age of eighteen or so. The Gaian term Sacred One Born of the Earth was too pretentious. Legal documents referred to them as 'persons descended from demons within three generations.'

Unlike Demonoids, Nephilim could not be categorized under a specific set of behaviors; every Demonoid was one by choice (the Minister refused to fuse for visitors drunk, high, or coerced), and most of the ones who survived the process had similar personalities to begin with [3]. Nephilim varied in personality just as much as any two given humans. Some could pass as ordinary humans, and others behaved like wild demons, so Aoi was never sure how many there were.

Except Naoki was too awkward to be a Nephilim. Adult Nephilim rarely had trouble controlling their powers; they had their whole lives to figure them out. Nephilim usually manifested their powers in childhood; most around the ages of seven or eight, but infants with (thankfully weak) demonic powers were not uncommon. The latest awakening Aoi had heard of was at the ripe old age of twelve. As a result of growing up with these powers, Nephilim with superhuman strength had especially good control; they needed coordination if they wanted to write without snapping pens in two, live anywhere with doors, or touch people without a doctor present. Naoki treated everything like it was made of glass, the demonic equivalent of sounding everything out while reading.

Lastly, Vectors were humans who were transformed by other Vectors, the most famous being vampires, zombies, and werewolves. Aoi did not know many personally, because most were quarantined and executed due to the infectious nature of their abilities.

(There was a running debate over whether ghosts counted as Vectors or not. On one hand, victims of ghost attacks were susceptible to becoming ghosts themselves. On the other hand, plenty of ghosts did not become ghosts after being attacked by ghosts. On the first hand, you could become a vampire or werewolf in ways other than being bitten by one. On the second, the correlation between ghosts and ghost victims was much less convincing than…)

Naoki as a Vector certainly fit; he lacked a Demonoid's bullheaded arrogance and the Nephilim's innate coordination. Aoi didn't know enough about Fiends to know if they were former humans, so his confession didn't help. Besides, Vectors had so many deviations that nothing proved anything; a former Biology teacher referred to them as the Protista of demons.

"…You've been staring at me for a while," said Naoki. "Please stop."

"My apologies," said Aoi.

They had taken the bus back to campus. Aoi was a Political Science TA, and while she shared an office with three other people, it was so late that she doubted that anyone would drop in.

"All right, let's make some ground rules," said Aoi. "Each of us takes turns asking one question. If one of us refuses to answer a question, that is the end of it, but we cannot ask the other an… equivalent question. For example, if I refuse to answer what my favorite food is, I cannot ask you what your favorite food is."

Naoki blinked.

"Are you not satisfied?" asked Aoi.

"Oh, no, it's just that most people I've known are annoyingly evasive when it comes to things like this," said Naoki. "It's always 'Come find me for answers,' or 'You will see' with them. That aside, the whole 'equal answers' thing seems unnecessarily complicated. What if we ask questions that don't apply to ourselves? Or what if one of us gets paranoid because we can't ask a question that the other doesn't mind answering?"

Aoi nodded. "In that case, we shall dispense with that rule."

Aoi had used the equal refusal negotiation hundreds of times before to mediate bitter feuds; to prevent one group from knowing more about the other, each of them had to answer the same question, so it was ostensibly an equal sharing of information. She had forgotten how inefficient it was when there was nothing at stake.

Naoki nodded back. "Let's just say that we can both refuse to answer any questions. I won't lie, but I won't tell you everything."

Aoi nodded. "You go first." Her body tensed involuntarily; she forced it to relax. No matter what Naoki asked, she could not refuse. Refusing to answer the first question was not only rude, it was a breach of trust. She couldn't regain it in such a short period of time, with only an—

"Why are you called Madam Pain?" asked Naoki.

"It's… a stupid story," said Aoi, breathing one extra breath per minute. "For reasons that I will omit for brevity rather than secrecy, I don't want to use an alias that sounds remotely like a real name. I used to be called The Porcupine, until one day I had to go to Mr. Adams's office for surgery. The doctor put me under anesthesia, and I hallucinated… something that made me repeatedly introduce myself. The doctor is American, and it turns out that 'Aoi' sounds a lot like a childish English exclamation for pain, so he was worried and asked me how I felt when I woke up. I was high enough to explain, so now he knows my real name. He has sworn to keep it a secret, even gave his own in return, but he thinks it's funny to call me Madam Pain. And since Mr. Adams writes down what the doctor tells him, that's what Mr. Adams calls me, and now everyone who goes to the office calls me that." She smirked. "Joke's on him; I made everyone call him The Dude."

"…Honestly, I thought it was because of the whip," said Naoki.

"He figured that's what most people would assume," said Aoi. "It sounds like I should be wearing heels and black leather, doesn't it? That's not my question," she added quickly.

"So is—"

"No, I'm not telling you his name, and no, it is not any variant of Jeff, Geoffrey, or Lebowski," said Aoi.

"…That wasn't what I was going to ask," said Naoki. "I wanted to know why you even have a whip."

"Put that on the queue; I get my question now," said Aoi. "Were you once human?"

"Yes," said Naoki bluntly. "Now, why do you know how to use a whip?"

"Someone taught me how to use a whip," said Aoi, not allowing annoyance to show on her face.

Naoki buried his face in his palms. "All right. From now on, follow-up questions don't count as new questions. What else did you want to know about me being human?"

"What made you… not human?" asked Aoi.

Naoki stretched. "That's… a bit of a long story. The short version is that I…" Naoki froze, mouth still open. "…Can I have some pen and paper? There's a lot of threads that explain things, but they're also tied to a bunch of other threads that aren't relevant."

Aoi nodded and handed him pen and paper. She tried reading Naoki's notes upside-down, but since it referred to a bunch of people she didn't know and used a lot of abstract doodles, it was about as much help as the people at the help desk at the Colosseum (for the last time, her Champion's Family discount did not expire and applied to the minibar).

At last, Naoki finished. He cleared his throat. "Okay, so I got into trouble with this cult, and I almost died, but for some reason Lucifer intervened and turned me into a demon so I could live. I think it's because he wanted me to join him, but he was really… evasive about the whole thing, so while I did do some stuff for him, I don't think either of us considers me his lackey. I mean, maybe he thinks of me as a pawn, but I don't officially work for him."

"What exactly did you do for him?" asked Aoi.

"Nothing bad, if that's what you're wondering," said Naoki. "He asked me to find the other Fiends and take back what they stole from him. It turned out that they were working for him anyways, so it wasn't even the kind of 'seemingly harmless prank kills everyone' ploy that you see the Devil do in every drama involving the Devil."

"How many Fiends?"

"Nine."

Aoi nodded. "I have more questions, but those can wait."

Naoki nodded. "Now then, why do you use a whip?"

"They're fast, concealable, and they're so rare that no one knows how to counter them," said Aoi tersely.

"Yeah, but it takes a lot of practice to even hit your target," said Naoki. "I mean, using any weapon effectively takes time, but everyone's used knives, and anyone can swing a sword. Why did you work so hard to learn such a difficult weapon?"

"The whip was the first weapon I learned," said Aoi. "I do not wish to say any more about the matter."

Naoki nodded. "All right, backing off. You go ahead."

Something harmless… "What sort of weapon do you specialize in?"

"Just my fists," said Naoki.

"…That's rather pot and kettle of you," said Aoi. "Why?"

"They're reliable," said Naoki. "I started out in an… an abandoned hospital, and most of what I found there didn't last me to the next town. Scalpels are more dangerous to you than your enemy if they break, anything wooden you can salvage is both flimsy and flammable, and metal pipes are impossible to hold if you're fighting fire, ice, or electricity. Learning how to punch wasn't easy, but… have you ever had a weapon break on you? … No, you're the kind who carries spares. You dropped your bat to feint in our last fight."

Aoi nodded. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Then I don't think you know how it feels," said Naoki, staring off at nothing. "To me, they weren't just weapons. They were my lifelines. Every club I dropped, every shiv I broke, every spell I cast dragged me closer and closer to…" He shuddered. "I never want to feel that helpless ever again."

…All right, that was a lot darker than she expected. "…Is there anything else you wanted to know about me?" she asked gently.

"What's with your gang?" asked Naoki.

"These kids tried to jump me in freshman year. Their technique was so sloppy, I just had to show them how to do it right. One thing led to another, and now I'm their leader."

"So… now you jump college students?"

"No, we target annoying rich people," said Aoi. "We wouldn't have fought you if you hadn't picked a fight."

"…I almost killed you."

"Yes, but it's not like we encounter a demon of unearthly power every night. They took down a cult without my help last week."

Naoki blinked. "Can I take another question? It's nothing too complicated."

"Sure." Fostering a feeling of debt, in small doses, was useful.

"Are you related to someone named Jyoji Hijiri?"

Aoi opened her mouth, and then closed it. "Possibly? I have a big family, and I can't keep track of all of them. Could you describe him?"

"Late twenties, early thirties, reporter for Ayakashi Monthly," said Naoki.

"No, I'm not related," said Aoi. "Why do you ask?"

"It's not that important, you just look a lot like him," said Naoki. [4]

Aoi took a deep breath. They were both sufficiently relaxed. "My turn now. I expect you to answer this seriously, no matter how strange the question is."

Naoki sighed. "You wouldn't believe the things I've seen. I can handle strange."

"Did you… originate from a future where the world was full of demons?"

Naoki's jaw dropped. "…No," he said. "But… I… I'll explain more, but why do you ask?"

"You're way too good to have learned off these streets, and you don't have formal training," said Aoi. "I can see by the way you move that you earned your strength; you may have taken a dozen Ziongas and fifty bullets, and yet you move like a Pixie."

Naoki blinked.

"That's a compliment," she clarified. "You move like you're small, which means that you were much weaker when you first became a demon, and grew into your current power level. You must have fought a great many enemies to get to your current level. Judging by your accent, am I correct in assuming that you're from Tokyo?"

"Ueno," said Naoki.

"I live in Shinjuku. If something strange happened in Tokyo, I would know."

"How do you know it didn't get covered up by all the buzz about the Phantom Thieves?" asked Naoki.

"Because I go out and investigate instead of sitting behind a screen all day," retorted Aoi. "I can assure you that there are no demons in Tokyo." She paused. "Well, there aren't very many in Tokyo. Certainly few in number and not strong enough for anyone to grow."

Naoki tilted his head. "I see what you mean. I mean, I think you skipped a step or two, but I did fight a lot of demons. But why do you…" Naoki's eyes widened. "Are you from the future?"

Aoi shrugged. "While the date of my… origin is many years ahead of today, I can assure you that the events that lead to demons appearing in my time did not occur in this timeline. If you would like to know more, wait your turn."

Naoki nodded, and began to write and doodle on that same sheet of paper.

"All right, Aoi, you might not believe me, but… the world ended last year."

X

When Kazuya arrived in this timeline, he was lucky to have the Demon Summoning Program on his COMP. For some reason, it had erased the summon data of all but one demon. Since that demon was Pascal, Kazuya didn't mind nearly as much. As awesome as it would have been to have Shiva the Destroyer as his servant (and as frustrating as it was to lose Gabriel, who had taken so long to fuse), losing his old friend/pet again would have been the worst.

However, that didn't mean that Kazuya was completely bereft of other demons. Sometimes he encountered the odd youkai in abandoned or wild places, some of which were willing to see new places with him. A trio of Makai demons had joined him last Halloween, but had made a promise to someone else not to tell any of their fellow demons (Kazuya could have forced them to do it anyways, but it wasn't worth it to lose their loyalty, and they could have done a substandard job to spite him). And, of course, there was the Ars Goetia, the handy book of demon summoning.

"And that is how I made a contract with the Marchioness Marchosias," said Kazuya. "Any questions?"

"Doesn't that book also tell you all about how the demons you summon can get you killed?" said Mina.

"So you've read it, too?" asked Kazuya.

"It's called reconnaissance," said Mina primly.

"No, it's called curiosity," said Soma. "I'm surprised that it worked at all."

"I've done summonings the old-fashioned way before," said Kazuya.

"No, what I'm surprised about is that you can still get demon summoning books today," said Soma.

"The internet is a wonderful place."

Soma facepalmed. "What I mean is, if there are certain groups interested in keeping the world safe from demon summoners, why haven't been destroyed and replaced with harmless replicas?"

"Shoddy bookkeeping, corrupt managers, incompetent ancient conspiracies, the printing press, rich people with libraries that are hard to break into, ancient books and scrolls that are protected due to historical value, and I can go on for days," said Mina. "That's not to say that a lot of them haven't been destroyed, replaced, deliberately mistranslated, or were written by charlatans. You can also get a lot of functioning rituals that the test summoners might not have done correctly."

"Test summoners?" repeated Kazuya. "I thought you said summoners were to be killed on sight."

"Yes, and firefighters can legally break down your door if your house is on fire," said Mina. "The organizations that censor these spells need to check if they really work or not; there was an incident back in the early twentieth century when these people accidentally corrected a ritual that someone else censored ages ago."

"And that led to one of the world wars?" said Soma.

"Not everything in the early twentieth century had to do with the world wars, Soma," said Mina. "Although I think it did lead to a new law in Silesia about what could legally be called a pickle. Anyways, trying to loophole them into international law led to a lot of potential loopholes for other summoners, so now they're one of those things that don't exist but everyone knows they do."

"Oh, like [INSERT EDGY POLITICAL COMMENTARY ABOUT CONTROVERSIAL GOVERNMENT POLICY HERE]," said Soma.

"Yes, exactly," said Mina. "You probably wouldn't want to be one, Kazuya. All they're allowed to do is see if the ritual works; they can't even make contracts."

"Duly noted," said Kazuya.

"Still, it seems like a bit of an oversight, if you could find a working ritual over the internet," said Soma.

"Actually, those are the safest kind of ritual," said Mina. "If you want to summon a demon, what are you going to use? A three-page typed pdf, or an ancient tome bound in human skin, written in Latin or Greek or some obscure language?"

"Verilog?" said Kazuya. [5]

"…What?" said Mina.

"The Demon Summoning Program is written in Verilog," explained Kazuya. "In English, with no comments, variables that are either lame puns or single or double letters, redundancies that break the program when removed, and a lot of other stuff that takes too long to explain. It's basically every grader's nightmare."

Mina coughed. "Anyways, when doing ritual magic, you need to… believe it works? No, that's not it."

"Confidence?" suggested Soma.

"Assurance?"

"Expectation," said Mina. "It's like… if you'd be surprised if the ritual worked, it won't work. I'm not going to say you have no doubts about it, either; it's healthy to know your limits."

"Like giving demons orders?" said Kazuya.

Mina blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's… demons don't listen to you if you're weaker than them, so you can't show weakness when you summon," explained Kazuya. "You can't just puff yourself up and pretend you're not afraid, either; that makes you look ever weaker. Effective commands are somewhere in the middle; you take it as a given that your demon will listen, but you need to acknowledge that they will disobey if you're not good enough."

Soma eyed the gigantic wolf splayed out in Kazuya's lap. "…And you're still talking about it in front of your demon?"

Kazuya shrugged, kneading Marchosias's shoulders a little further down. "If I can't say that in front of her, that means I don't have enough confidence. Are your wings rested enough for another jump, Marchioness Marchosias?"

"Five more minutes, sir," she growled back.

"I…guess?" said Mina. "Anyways, the internet is safe for the same reason people don't buy crystals for health: it seems too easy to be authentic."

Kazuya blinked. "…Wait, those don't work?"

Soma looked back at Kazuya. "And here I thought you just liked interior decorating."

Kazuya considered asking Mina the miko if selling crystals was any different from donations and drawing fortunes on New Year's, but decided that it would be rude. "What about the Phantom Thieves of Hearts?" he settled. "They were a sketchy internet rumor."

Mina shrugged. "I have no idea what was going on with them."

"I… They're different," said Soma, a little shakily. "I think the Phantom Thieves were real people who just had an internet following, not a spell that a lot of people cast. They'd exist whether other people believed in them or not. Although there is an interesting philosophical question about the nature of whether humans exist independently or if others grant exi—"

At that moment, Marcioness Marchosias got to her feet and stretched. "I am ready, sir," she said. "One more hop?"

"And we can take the bus home," said Kazuya. "All aboard!"

The three students boarded the gigantic, winged wolf. Marchioness Marchosias (as she insisted on being called) took a running leap off of the roof, unfurling enormous wings on either side as they hurtled into the sky. Kazuya loved flying; it wasn't a very practical way to get around when he journeyed across Tokyo, due to weight and refueling problems, so he only did it for fun.

Mina, too, loved riding. What started as nervous mutters became wild shouts of laughter (the normal kind, not the kind you hear when someone is terrified out of their minds) as Marchosias swooped up and down.

Soma, however, just wanted the ride to be over. "You see that? No, that. A little to the left… there, we're going right at it… get a little lower, no higher… you can see that building right? Let's—CRAPTHEREAREPEOPLETHERE!"

"Fly up!" shouted Kazuya, and Marchioness Marchosias obeyed. He learned closer to her ear and said, "I want you to land at least fifty meters away from our destination, in the direction of the peak. Look out for a clearing that can accommodate your size; I don't want to have any crushed trees tonight."

The flying wolf obeyed, and landed on a board-lined path. "The trail leads directly towards the clearing," she said.

"Thank you," said Kazuya. "I will dismiss you now."

He punched in a few keys, and Marchioness Marchosias vanished. Soma removed his long, white coat and stuffed it in his backpack, Mina took out her phone (which had a flashlight), and Kazuya took out a bottle of whiskey. He splashed a little on everyone.

"We'll pretend to be drunk," he said. "If we're sober and we get caught, we'll have to explain ourselves. If we're drunk, we can't explain ourselves."

Mina eyed the bottle. "Where did you get that?"

"I had demons go on liquor runs," said Kazuya.

"But… why?" asked Mina.

Kazuya shrugged. "Good offering when recruiting demons, useful as an antibiotic, and I utterly despise underage drinking laws." He handed her the bottle. "Take a sip. It's more believable if you do."

All three of them drank.

Soma led them down the mountain. They walked in silence, until the path opened up, and they ducked into convenient bushes.

Five people were standing around an abandoned power plant, each holding a flashlight. They wore no uniforms, but their mannerisms betrayed what no uniform could: they were investigators.

"I must eat a potato chip," said one.

"Don't contaminate the crime scene, Ninja," said another.

"But my dark past compels me to."

"Yeah? Well, your dark past can—"

"Ease up, Agent Tiger, Agent Ninja can do it in the bushes," said a third.

"My gratitude from the depths of my ice-cold heart of stone, Agent Seal," said Agent Ninja, who walked (thankfully) in a different set of bushes.

All right, they might not have been very good investigators, but they were still investigators.

Soma poked Kazuya and pointed to the right. One of the trees had a hole the size of his head gouged out, as if struck by a gigantic drill. Behind it, a row of fallen trees stretched into the darkness.

"…Could this be the same Ultimate Chaos Crystalline Catalysis Infernal Inversion Magic from my homeland?!" gasped another.

"…I have no words, Agent Wolf," said Agent Tiger.

"Don't worry, guys!" piped up Agent Seal. "From my training in the Japanese equivalent of the Navy SEALS, I can track down the culprit!" He got to his hands and knees and started crawling.

"I… I wish I could help," said a fifth. "I'm so useless…"

"You're not useless, Peony," said Agent Tiger.

Agent Peony gasped. "R-really?!" she squealed.

"Your skills are of great value to the team," said Agent Seal.

"So stop moping and get your ass back to work!" shouted Agent Tiger.

"…That wasn't quite what I meant," said Agent Seal.

Mina poked Kazuya and pointed at her phone We cant investigate. we

Kazuya took out his phone, and wrote and showed (but did not send) the message: No lets keep going if they see then we are drunk. He took another sip to prove it before hiding the screen. Mina hid her screen as well.

Soma took his phone out, and added, Sure, but if we do that, we should go up the path and come down. I don't like our chances if we sneak straight there.

They crawled back up, and Soma led them down a roundabout path to the fallen trees. Not a heat-based attack, Soma texted. No signs of singeing.

How it go? Mina texted.

Goes 20 meters before it just… tangents off the mountain, Soma texted back.

Thangent? That doesn;tn sound right.

If you look at a topographical map and draw the line of destruction, it will indeed look like a tangent line.

2 straight 4 lightning or wind, Kazuya texted

What makes you say that?

Ligtning zigzag wind sctters on impact

Not that I'm questioning your expertise or anything, but how do you know that?

Had 2 frnds 1 lighng 1 wind. Kazuya's eyes lost focus, and he had to blink them back. He didn't usually type this badly. Had 2 fri3nds 1 lightning 1 wind

If anything, it resembles a laser beam.

Yes, of course! Although laser beams do have some singeing.

Some of them. However, some types of laser are not heat-based.

How is that even possible?

How should I know? I just fight the things.

Kazuya blinked. He was pretty sure that only one of them texted in full sentences and bothered to spell.

Kazuya slowly turned to his left. A man was squatting next to them. He waved.

It took you long enough. Hi guys. What are you doing here?

Mina waved back, but Soma pointed at him with a look of horror on your face.

WHAT ARE YOUDOING HEREE?!

"Hey, I think I heard something!"

The man nodded. We can continue this conversation another time. He took out a flask. Here, everyone drink from this, and we'll say we went hiking drunk.

Didghtat that. Kazuya showed him the almost empty bottle. Wh are yuou.

Good. You have your head on straight. My name is Julius Belmont. What's yours?

TO BE CONTINUED!

I still don't expect any of you to remember the names of the Agents. Don't worry, I'm not going all esoteric crossover with you guys; they're either Persona 2 party members or OCs.

(If you are trying to remember their names, I changed Agent Violet to Agent Peony because there's now a Phantom Thief Violet. Seriously, what are the odds?)

By the way, Aoi's alias of Madam Pain comes from a real conversation I had with my editor; we couldn't say Aoi properly, either. Only later did I realize that she shared an alias with Madam, the governor of Valhalla in SMT2. Madam and the Heroine two separate people; in the Visionary scenes, Pascal-Cerberus doesn't recognize her, and the butler knows the Hero better than she does.

Also, some characters use 'Madam' as a name instead of an honorific, so they call her Madam-san/kun/chan/whatever. Aoi doesn't care enough to correct them.

[1] American Marine: I made Hammer a Marine, as a link to the pirate Grant DeNasty.

[2] Everyone knows healing and attack magic: This isn't a dig at people who only have offensive skills. In SMT1 and 2, the human party members learn magic from a fixed list and can't forget anything. It's different from using your limited slots to learn every element or agonizing over which passive to keep; one is learning basic first aid in case of emergencies, and the other is discarding a useful skill in favor of something you'll probably never use.

And yes, I know the Chaos Hero doesn't learn the HP-restoring Dia line, but he does have a status heal.

[3] Demonoids all have similar personalities because they volunteered: Aoi doesn't know about people who were coerced. Even non-volunteers tend to become violent maniacs.

I take the view that fusion alters your mental state in such a way that most people turn to Chaos, but it can't magically change your ideology.

Throughout the Megaten series, demons are linked with emotions and freedom; turning into demons usually grants both. The Demon Virus in Digital Devil Saga had the side effect of granting AI soldiers emotions (cumulating in a breakdown of law), and in SMT4, the newly educated feudal serfs become so dissatisfied with their repressive caste system that they become demons (later explained by latent demon ancestry coming out). I say that becoming a demon also makes your emotions stronger and encourages you to make your own rules, a la the Ubermensch.

When taken in moderation or separately, boosted emotions and independence don't turn you into a bloodthirsty demon. After all, independent thought and a strong drive is how you go Neutral in most games, it's possible to be fanatically Lawful, and the rebellious Phantom Thieves still have a strong moral code. You get followers of the dog eat dog world when these traits feed off each other. Hedonism now feels better than ever, and you get to decide whether it's right or wrong. And why wouldn't you decide that whoever wants to stop you is in the wrong for infringing upon your freedom? You're stronger than them, so it's your right.

However, Demonoids do not automatically turn Chaotic. I'm not going to say that it's a matter of a strong will to not succumb to Chaos; I hate that cliché. Demonoids are more inclined towards Chaos because that loop of sadism suits their wants, but if you have a better reason to have a different alignment, the loop is petty in comparison. Hiroko, heroine of SMT2, barely changed after fusing with Nadja, and can turn Lawful with Aleph. In her case, saving people and fighting oppression is more important than pleasure. Infernal Akira, one of three prominent NPCs in SMT4 who are all technically the same person, is a Demonoid and one of the few consistently Lawful Good individuals in the entire franchise. In his case, he's weak and knows it, so he empathizes with the other dregs of society (which might even be amplified due to the emotion boost factor).

I'll also assume that Infernal Tokyo isn't a completely accurate map of Demonoid mentalities for the following reasons: you don't meet that many of them, a lot of the less Chaotic ones could have been killed in the thirty years of gang warfare, etc.

As a handwave, the Demon Virus of DDS is either weaker or doesn't change people who had emotions when infected; Sera and Roland behave normally. You might go insane, but that's mostly the stress from eating people rather than the virus infecting your brain.

I say that Naoki is another exception to the 'emotional and independent demon' rule, because Lucifer wanted to test him. The Demi-Fiend is apparently unique as someone who is both human and demon, in a world full of Demonoids, Hybrids, Vectors, people who have been possessed, Tuners, etc. Lucifer wanted to test the Demi-Fiend as a human granted power, not like the Demonoids he'd no doubt seen before.

TL; DR: Aoi is wrong; if you take a large population of unwilling people and turn them into Demonoids, most of them will become battle-hungry maniacs anyways.

Trivia: in an earlier draft, the Messian word for humans who fused with demons was 'Fused One,' or 'Fused' for short. I changed it to Demonoid when I thought 'Fused One' was too unwieldy, and the term Demonoid was coined in SMT2.

[4] Aoi and Jyoji Hijiri: Jyoji Hijiri is an important NPC in SMT Nocturne. Late in the game, it's revealed that he was cursed long ago for committing the ultimate sin, and he must reincarnate endlessly. One popular theory is that Hijiri is an incarnation of Aleph, the hero of SMT2. Resemblance aside, Aleph kills YHVH, who curses him to suffer for eternity.

My theory is that Aleph, who is an artificial human created to be the Messiah by the Messians, was created using the genes of the other two people the Messians declared to be the Messiah: the Heroine and the Law Hero (fellow clone Daleth was made using the Hero and the Chaos Hero). Since Aleph looks like his genetic donor Aoi, and Hijiri looks like his past self Aleph, Hijiri still looks a lot like Aoi.

[5] Demon Summoning Program is written in Verilog: Verilog is a hardware language that is structured differently from software languages, so it's harder for the software specialist Kazuya to learn.

Also, the program did have comments and better variable names in its first iteration. Stephen changed the variables and cut the comments in the first upgrade, so it has more memory for new demons. Why yes, I am definitely an expert in compression, why do you ask?

Originally, the language was Scratch, which is a language used to teach children the basics. The joke was that Stephen is a brilliant physicist but a sub-par programmer, and that Kazuya can't read it because he doesn't know a language this dumbed-down. Then I realized that if Stephen's so bad at programming, then his first resort for giving everyone in the world a way to command demons wouldn't be a program.

Although it would have been amusing if the first version of the program was in Scratch, then the reason Stephen kept improved it in SMT2 was because he actually learned a real language.

It was also a tossup between Verilog and Assembly. Assembly is a language easy for computers to read, hard for humans to write, and even harder for humans to read. Without comments, it's pretty much impossible to know what's going on.

OMAKE #1: Underage drinking laws

(In the iOS version of SMT1, underage drinking is censored so the bartenders always give the heroes juice)

"…Are we allowed in there?" said Kazuya nervously.

Takeshi snorted. "Of course. I go in and out of there all the time."

Kazuya nervously trotted up to the bartender. "Sir, could I have a…" he looked up at the sign, "rum, please?"

"ID."

"…Never mind. Can I have a ginger beer, then?"

Later, in the Bar of the Resistance…

"Good morning, Mrs. Takahashi. Might I trouble you for two shots of shochu, for me and our newest recruit?"

"For the last time, leader, I can't serve anyone who looks under thirty!"

"I assure you, I am twenty," said Aoi, passing her one of the fake IDs.

Mrs. Takahashi looked at Kazuya and gestured at Aoi. "Our leader here can't tell anyone her last name, for security purposes," she explained. "Mr. Narukami did a good job on this one, but I know for a fact that you are not in the US Air Force, leader."

Later, after the apocalypse…

Yoshio and Takeshi looked around the bar. "This is… cleaner than what I was expecting," said Yoshio. "Remind me why we're here again?"

"Every adult goes to the bar to unwind," said Takeshi. "Loosest lips in town."

"Oh, just like speaking to everyone in a video game."

"Excuse me!" called Kazuya. "I'd like a gla—cup of whatever's cheap."

"No booze for you, kid," grumbled the bartender.

"B-but…the world's ended!" said Kazuya. "Why can't I have a drink?"

"Hate it when the light goes out of kids eyes," said the bartender. "Water's 1000 Macca a glass."

Later, after the tyrannical Ozawa's death…

Yoshio and Kazuya stumbled into the bar, eyes glazed with shock.

"One alcohol," said Kazuya blearily.

"No booze, kid."

"Excuse me?" Kazuya looked the bartender straight in the eye, grabbing the counter for support. "Do you want to say that again?"

"No firegold, moloko plus, vehina, or vellocet for you, kid."

Kazuya lunged for the bartender's throat, grabbing the front of his shirt and hissing, "We took down Ozawa. Our best friend ran out on us. And you're not going to serve us?"

"Ozawa is dead?" the bartender's face lit up. "Why didn't you say so? You each get a drink on the house!"

"One drink?"

"Liquids are valuable now, Kazuya, and he needs to make a living," said Yoshio levelly.

"I'd like a-"

"Still no booze, kid."

Later, after Aoi's rescue…

"I'm so sorry, but all alcohol is sacred," said the Shibuyan priest. "It is the blood of Jesus Christ, and so can only be used for ceremonial and medicinal purposes." He pointed to a stack of Twinkies. "All bread, as well."

"…I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not how Christianity works," said Kazuya.

Aoi nudged him. "We're doing the best we can, okay? Beer's almost wine."

"I guess, but I'm also pretty sure that 'Fecundity' is not a name. Or a real English word, for that matter."

"Stop making fun of my Christian name!"

Later, in Roppongi…

"One…no, two shots!" shouted Kazuya. A disco, working vending machines, and a real bar? This was the best place ever!

"ID!" sang the bartender.

"…What?"

"ID!"

Kazuya cocked his head, then took out his wallet (kept as a souvenir from the past, since Macca used coins rather than bills). He coughed. "I am, totally a… forty-five year old man."

The bartender giggled. "Don't be silly, little boy! It says you're twelve!"

Kazuya blinked. "…What?"

Kazuya was so surprised about the bartender's comment that he just left the bar without ordering anything.

When whatever illusion befalling the place was lifted, and it turned out that almost everyone in the town was a zombie with a screwed up sense of when they died, a tiny part of Kazuya managed to stay adrift the ocean of horror, disgust, frustration, and sorrow.

It told him, "Let's not salvage anything here. It must be full of zombie slime."

Later, back in Shinjuku…

Kazuya slumped against the bar, tears streaming down his face. "Yoshio's dead…" he sniffed. "Pint?"

The bartender looked upon him with sympathy. "I know it's rough, kid, but drowning your sorrows won't do you any good. I've seen too many people lose themselves-"

"Pint, or Jatayu eats your liver."

The bartender looked at the oversized vulture, and decided to pour him a cup of ginger beer. "Your beer, sir."

Later, in Ginza, a town ruled by the Gaians, who believe in strength and anarchy…

"Give me a shot of whatever's cheap, and if you pull a gun on me, my little friend here will disembowel you," said Kazuya, gesturing to Jatayu the vulture god.

"I'm afraid not, boy," said the bartender. "The boss doesn't like kids drinking, and what the boss says, goes."

Later, after Asura's defeat…

Kazuya and Aoi emerged from the depths of the Basilica, victory sweet. Their journey was only halfway over, and only the Archangels above remained.

"Let's get hammered; we've beaten their boss, so they have to respect us now!" shouted Kazuya.

Unfortunately, these Gaians were a lot less power-happy than the Lilith-led Gaeans in another alternate Tokyo, and did not take well to the loss of their leaders. Nor to their murderers, as it happened.

Also, it turned out that the real 'boss'—the founder of the Cult of Gaia—was still alive to dictate his terms. Which was why Kazuya and Aoi were banned from Gaian bars forever.

Later…

"As a member of the democratically elected council, I would like a free beer," said Kazuya.

"As I respect your authority and acknowledge the service you have done for us, I shall give you a free drink. You're also still a kid. No beer for you."

Kazuya crossed his arms. "So I'm enough of an adult to decide the fate of this settlement, but not enough to drink a little firegold now and then?"

"I wouldn't vote for a teenage drunk."

"…Good point."

Several years later…

Kazuya marched into the bar one fine morning. "One shot of whiskey, please," he said, slamming the money on the table.

"What makes today any different?"

"Because," said Kazuya, hands on hips. "Today is my twentieth birthday. I am now legally allowed to drink alcohol."

"Prove it."

Kazuya slammed his ID on the table.

"…This says you're fifty."

"I went time-traveling."

The bartender flipped the card over and over. "Well, this is obviously a fake."

"How can it be a fake?" said Kazuya. "We haven't had manufacturing this good in… wait." Kazuya took back the ID. "You don't have IDs, do you? You don't card people; you guess their age."

The bartender nodded. "And you, sir, are eighteen years of age. Get out."

X

"…And it took me another four years, because the old bartender died, and the new bartender thought I was sixteen when I met her," said Kazuya. "And that, children, is why I despise underage drinking laws."

"…I thought it was because you're actually fifty," said Mina.

"That too."

OMAKE #2

(SPOILERS for Persona 5!)

(Disclaimer: The ending has been spoiled, but I don't know the fine details and I still want some surprises for when I get there. So please don't correct me if I'm wrong; I'll make corrections when I beat the game)

The room was bright and dingy, lit by cold, industrial plasma lights. Three teenage boys stretched lazily on bare mattresses, glowering at their new roommate. There were not delinquents acting tough to seem cool; they were tough as gristle and hard as bone.

"So, new meat," growled one inmate. "We're the worst of the worst. Who do you think you are?"

The one next to him stretched lazily. "I'm a mugger. Must have robbed twenty mugs before getting caught." He chuckled. "You should have seen the looks on their faces when they saw the knife."

"I'm here for assault," said the second. "Saw some rich jerk looking at me funny? He'll never look anyone in the eye again."

"As for me, I'm a chivalrous made man," said the leader. "Soon as they let me out, I'll be running drugs overseas."

"What about you, new meat?"

"I masterminded a series of heists targeting the rich, powerful, and otherwise untouchable, effectively but not literally blackmailing them, thereby forcing them to publicly confess their crimes and betray their fellow conspirators. I'm only here because I refused to sell out my crew, and so the bigwigs we targeted can go to jail."

The other inmates stared.

"That was a joke. Trespassing."