Shinji opened his eyes, he hadn't yet felt the impact of the street below but maybe once his eyes saw his broken body and the blood leaving his veins maybe then the pain he should have been feeling would register. Maybe then that would be the last thing he would ever have to feel, just the sinking cold feeling of his heart stopping at least then he wouldn't have to ever worry about it getting hurt again.

But when his eyes opened, he only saw Rei sitting across from him against a backdrop of orange as they rocked past an empty countryside. "Am I dead or just asleep again?" he asked the projection of the girl he had once loved.

"Does it really matter? Either way you are here."

"It only matters because if I'm alive I'll just wake up… I'll have to deal with the pain again, then sooner or later I'll end up back here with you. Or at least-…" he let his voice falter.

Shinji stared at the mental image of Rei that sat before him, even though she still had the same red eyes, blue hair and albino skin there was something different to her. It wasn't something you could see on the surface it was just an underlying thing that made your spine tingle and brain feel like fire until you looked away.

"This projection of me."

"Huh?"

"You're afraid of me aren't you Shinji? Afraid of this new Rei, afraid that I have replaced the old one you once saw within your own mind."

He turned his head towards her, but his eyes still faced the ground, even after trying to force himself to look at her in the eye all he could manage to do was to look at her white loafers. "I'm not afraid of you Rei, I just can't bear to look at you right now. It just hurts too much."

"Why does it hurt?"

"You know why! I mean I know why! You're not real! You're just my imagination you don't exist, you're not the real Rei you're just- "

"What you hoped the real Rei was like instead of how it turned out she was."

"Why did you have to go and mess everything up am I that unlikeable?! Why am I still talking to you? You don't exist."

Shinji screamed clutching his head, he heard the small shuffle of footsteps nearing him and then felt the warm touch of fingers underneath his chin lifting his face up until he was gazing up at Rei who looked down at him with still piercing ruby eyes.

"Yet here I am, an extension of your mind. You give me form and thought, you give me action and expression. But now the reality outside of your perspective has bled into your thoughts hasn't it?"

Rei took a pause before beginning to softly stroke Shinji's cheeks sending ripples of warming comfort through his face and down his back, "That reality that you are forced to exist in and causes you pain is taking away the unique and personal vision of me that you've made for yourself."

"But why does that have to happen? Can't I just see you as one thing forever?! Didn't I mean anything to you?" Shinji cried out with tears brimming in his eyes, letting his head fall away from her grasp. "Why couldn't I just keep seeing you as one thing… why did I have to find out this way? Why does reality have to change the way I see you or anybody, why did you have to hide who you really wanted from me?! Why do I have to pilot the EVA?!"

"Only those whose hearts suffered great pain, who feel no true connections can pilot EVA."

Shinji felt his eyes snap open, there was only the sensation of hot concrete under his skin. Slowly blinking he felt the stinging of his eyes adjusting until he could make out the streetlight towering over him and behind it, a night sky peppered with dim stars that looked as if they were slowly going out. Looking to his side he half expected to see the headlights of cars racing towards him but all he saw was the stone guardrail.

With all of his muscles aching and pulsing as he rolled over to his stomach Shinji pushed himself up and got to his feet shakily. With one hand on the stone and the other grabbing the straps to his bags he slowly began to shuffle off away from Tokyo 3 again, unsure of whether or not he should have been happy about not jumping off onto the road beneath him.

Asuka didn't bother to look at them, she instead stared at the floor of the long and empty black room that was only littered with a dark wooden desk that rested in light that found its way into the dark pyramid inside the Geofront. While the Commander's desk was doused in the sunlight it still seemed as black as ink and casted a long shadow that stopped at her feet.

Next to the sitting Commander Ikari stood a silent Misato who couldn't even bear to look at the girl, her face a mix between anger and utter disgust. Meanwhile the Commander rested his face behind his white gloved hands, only his glasses visible just looking up at him sent a shiver down Asuka's spine not that she would ever admit it.

Out of the two of them Asuka would rather have dealt with Misato, at least she could tell what she was thinking just by looking at her. The adults had just been standing there in silence staring at her since she had been plucked from school and brought there, just the silence was maddening enough. Asuka had already began to chew the inside of her cheek out of sheer nervousness.

Maybe she would've started to pace or tap her foot if they didn't feel like they were incased in concrete, but all she could do was begin to listen to her heart slowly begin to race.

Badum-badum- badum- badum- badum- badum- badum- badum- badum

"Well?! If the two of you are going to say something just do it already! Just yell at me or whatever so I can go home!" Asuka screamed at the adults sending a ripping pain across her chest, once she was done yelling her lungs felt raw like she was starved for air.

There was a pause as her voice rattled the quiet room, "Are you done with your juvenile outburst?" Commander Ikari asked, Misato turned her head to where Asuka only saw half of her face, "Asuka what the hell were you thinking?" she managed to ask holding back a scream that no doubt was slowly beginning to build up within her body.

"What do you mean? For one she coughed up all that blood on me- "

"No what were you thinking?"

"Well Misato I wasn't- "

"No! That's right you weren't thinking! And right now, it's Captain Katsuragi not Misato!" she yelled slamming her fist on to the Commander's desk making it shake and rattle at its screws. Just after a second the booming noise echoed through the room did she notice what had just happened, Misato's eyes went wide and her face went red as she quickly brought her hand back to her side and bowed almost at a ninety degree angle.

"I am so sorry Commander, please excuse my outburst."

He stayed silent for a moment, squinting Asuka saw that it looked as if his eyebrows had shifted over towards Captain Katsuragi, and for one second, he looked almost impressed. "There is no need for apologizes Captain. A situation like this one… would have made any leading officer react in such a manner. But that brings us to the matter at hand… Pilot Soryu you understand why you are here correct?"

"For what! Just punching the first?"

"What you did to Rei Ayanami could be considered an act of attempted murder, and if you weren't so lucky I would have you in shackles and imprisoned deep within the facility. But fortunately for you, Rei is predicted to make a full recovery soon enough even despite the massive blood loss you failed to halt or report."

"Attempted murder? She was already coughing up blood and stuff how could I know something like that was happening to her? If anything, she's just sick, I think she's a bigger liability to herself."

"Regardless Asuka you had no right to hit her! You're damn lucky that she's still able to pilot and won't suffer any brain damage. God! What if you had killed her Asuka? We'd be down a pilot and the angels would be an even bigger threat then. We can't afford to lose one of you to those things much less each other! I should've kept a tighter leash on all of you, and to make matters worse Shinji is missing."

"Well, when isn't he?" Asuka grumbled looking away from them.

"What part of this is humorous to you Pilot Soryu? We are currently down two pilots, one is in intensive care and the other is somewhere in Tokyo 3. If another Angel or S-class Angel decides to attack it seems we have little chance of success in defeating them."

"Leave it to me then! I'll kill it or whatever comes our way, I can handle all by myself, me I don't need anyone! I'll kill them all!" she shrieked putting a hand on the middle of her chest.

Asuka stood there huffing, her shoulders rocking her small body. She could feel her temples begin to throb, 'I don't need anyone, I can do this all by myself' she thought to herself. "Is that so?" Commander Ikari asked.

She felt her head slowly start to sink as her eyes moved to the floor, she couldn't bare to let them see her like this. Not knowing why but now, all she could think about was how much her head hurt. How tight her chest felt, but more so how exhausted she just felt. "Yes… just let me prove myself. I know I'm worth it…"

Gendo Ikari continued to stare the child down, not a single muscle or hair moved on his body. "Pilot Soryu you are no longer in Germany, there are other pilots you must cooperate with if you haven't learned to accept this by now your time here may soon be done. And as of now if you weren't a necessary evil… I would have you dismissed from duty and Unit 02 scrapped for parts."

"No! You can't!" she cried out rushing forward, Asuka didn't know what caused her to almost rush the Commander's desk but within her first few steps she found herself tripping over her feet and collapsing to the ground on her hands and knees. Looking up at the foot of the massive desk Commander Ikari sat behind she saw the light reflecting off his glasses as he stared down at her.

"Anything but that, please do anything to me just… leave her out of this." Asuka quietly begged.

She rested on the floor almost kneeling before the imposing Commander and tried to imagine a life without Unit 02. Life back at home in Germany, how dull and pointless it would be. Having to live life as a civilian, having to find some job with her degree that is even if it still held its same weight. Most likely having to live with her father, her stepmother, and the half-brother.

Having to live in the same house where her mother died, not feeling the rush of jumping into the plug and going toe to toe against the angels, not feeling that rush of battle and power, the sheer scale of being able to look out over an entire city and know you were the only thing standing between it and total destruction.

But if Unit 02 were ever taken away, she would just end up like everyone else out there in the world unnecessary. Nobody would ever need her or want to be around her, and back home no stupid guys would be gawking at her and dying to have her read their stupid love notes, she would be a dime a dozen. Not like here in Tokyo where at first at least, tons of guys were ready to throw themselves off a cliff just to have her look at them. At least here she was… unique.

She would never see Mr. Kaji again or anyone else, everyone even stupid Shinji would probably never even try to get ahold of her, they all would leave her and just let her fade away from their memories like a bad dream. Asuka knew she could be a bit much and knew what she has done to all of them but the only reason she had got to meet any of them was because of the EVA.

"Please don't send me away."

Looking up at Commander Ikari, Asuka felt her eyes drift towards his gloved hands and she swore just for a second, he briefly smirked at her. "Very well then… I would be lying if I said you do not have some positive attributes but remember this, the next time we have a talk like this I may not be as forgiving. Understood?"

Looking down Asuka hoped that her hair covered her stinging eyes as she felt tears start to well up in them and quickly and submissively nodded. "Very good then, Captain Katsuragi I believe we're done here. We will later on discuss the matter of pilot Ikari in private and what should be done about him."

"So… will there be no punishment Commander? I mean something still has to be done about Rei." Misato asked warily.

The two of them eyed the girl knelt before them, who seemed to be shuddering and frozen in place. "Hnmm, that is still true, Pilot Soryu while I may not revoke your privilege to continue to pilot Unit 02, I still can hold you responsible for your actions as of now… considered yourself grounded. Consider yourself lucky that this is all I am doing."

"Yes sir, thank you." Asuka said in a so much robotic way her ears thought it was Rei speaking.

"Captain Katsuragi, dispatch NERV intelligence officers to locate the third child for now the sixth will have to do, if things become more… complicated then and only then will the second child have her restrictions removed until then she may only participate in synchronization tests. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly clear sir." Misato replied giving a slight bow before spinning on her right heel towards Asuka, she marched a few long steps towards her until she picked up the shell shocked girls by her shoulders and led her out of the Commander's office and once they were both sure the door whooshed and locked behind them did she speak, "You know… when you had me come live with you and Shinji for a second I thought you actually had my best interests in mind." The red head said calmly trying her best to hold back the choking her voice had building up behind it.

"I do Asuka! That's why I did it! I thought if you and Shinji had each other to lean on as well as Nathan and Rei, I thought the four of you could better your friendship I thought the four of you could rely on one another for anything really. I thought you guys would help one another…"

Asuka threw off Misato's hold off her body, "Well you thought wrong… if you ever had my best interests in mind, you would have let me live alone just like the sixth. You would have left me alone… but now you dragged me here in front of Shinji's dad no less and reminded that I should be punished and now…! I'm grounded, I'm basically worthless now."

Misato stood there in the blank hallways with the bright fluorescent light shining in her eyes as Asuka took a few steps away from her outstretched hand, "Asuka… believe me. I really did try to do right by you kids. I argued for weeks with the commander to have the wall in the apartment next to me knocked down just so all of you would live with one another and with me. I argued relentlessly in order to have all four of you under my roof… it took longer convincing with Rei, but I was ready to have all of you under my protection."

She took a pause taking a look at Asuka as if something about her was bringing up some old faded memory, "I know you feel like you're more mature and more along than the others… maybe you're right but you're not at all prepared for anything like this Asuka! They need me, you need me and I -! … need you guys."

Misato's voice faltered as she finished her outburst. Her cry for Asuka to stay right there in the hallway with her but once those words left her mouth… she knew what was to come next. "So… you think I'm further along than the others?" Asuka muttered.

"Asuka whatever you're thinking of doing please don't do it! I really did have Shinji's, Rei's, Nathan's and yours best interest in mind. But my duty to humanity comes first. You understand right?"

Misato stretched an arm out to her, but it was quickly shrugged off, Asuka stomped her foot and stood upright still looking away from her, "Oh I perfectly understand. You still wanted me punished for something that wasn't my fault, you almost begged Commander Ikari to take away MY Unit 02 away from me! But more importantly, you said my best interest comes last…"

"Wait Asuka I didn't mean tha- "

Misato saw the red head's head sink, "I knew it was a mistake living with you and stupid Shinji, I should've dug my line in the sand back then but now… I drawing it."

"What?"

"Don't expect me coming home with you tonight, Captain Katsuragi… I'll find my own lodgings for tonight."

"Asuka…"

"And! I'll be moving out, I'll find my own place to live."

"Asuka you can't! You can only live here in your room or in the pilot's condo, all other places have to be scouted and approved by NERV's intelligence agents!"

"Fine! I'll stay here! At least then something I can rely on will be nearby…"

Misato stood quietly as Asuka change her slouching position and stood upright in a rigid manner, "I'll come by later on for my things… I got a date this Friday anyways. That'll be the last you see of me, from then on, you'll only see me here. If you want a shoulder to cry on… count on Shinji. That's if you can even find him."

Asuka stormed away from Misato, not bothering to even give one last single glance to her as she rounded the corner and left heading for the elevators. So, the only other place I can live is the condo with the sixth and the first huh?

She thought to herself as she started to dig through her memories of where it might be located within the facility, but then who cared how long it took her to find it… she didn't have anywhere else to be.

Asuka huffed around the empty still halls of NERV, the only things that could be heard above her echoing footsteps was the buzzing of the lights overhead. Wandering around until she had found a list of directions printed on a wall she let out a sigh of relief once she saw a listing for EVA Pilot Quarters the single rooms and then finally a big blocked off area that was surely the condo, "Finally… god I hope there's at least something to eat there." She muttered as she pressed on.

She thought how strange the facility seemed at night, normally when you try and imagine a top secret government facility or picture those ones from cliché mecha bases in anime there always seems to be people hustling around, even silently in the background carrying clipboards.

Or just asleep at desks with glowing monitors while their co-workers head off to the vending machines for a canned coffee or a quick bite. But here… in the real world it seemed like everyone went home, every single room and hallway just seemed empty. It was as if everyone had secretly agreed to leave at exactly the same time, leaving Asuka as the only soul in the entire facility. But big deal why would I need any of them around? She assured herself as she stopped dead in her tracks.

Slowly turning her head to the side, she looked up and saw the white door and card reader that led to the Pilot's quarters, Asuka took a small step towards it. Her ID card already out and waiting to be swiped but then she stopped herself. Her mind began to race, she knew that Nathan was already living there with Rei and how they were a couple. The things they did and how apparently, they felt about one another.

She remembered how Hikari toward her that the two had loved one another and seemed as if they were desperate enough to do anything to be with each other. Even if it meant hooking up with each other behind Shinji's back. She remembered what she did to Rei back at school, was she even okay… really?

Had he even been told what had happened yet?

How mad was he going to be with her? Why was she even bothering to show up here, Asuka felt her stomach starting to cramp up and burn, bile seemed to creep up behind her tongue and her muscles convulsed. Already goosebumps started to bubble up on her flesh, already their relationship if it could even be called that was strained.

She thought back to the time when Rei had pushed her down when she had been insulting Nathan, she felt that same surge of fear and confusion. If she reacted this way, how would he react when he saw her?

Trembling she inched the card closer to the reader, but right as the first millimeter of plastic entered the door to the condo whooshed open and Nathan came running out, startled by his quick appearance Asuka yelped and jumped backwards, her heart speeding up and pounding in her chest. Did he know? Is he gonna hurt me? She wondered as her mind raced through every possible outcome that could happen.

He leaned out the doorway his eyes wide open and his chest puffing out rapidly through his thin shirt, his feet slapping the ground as he stumbled to a stop gripping the wall to brace himself. His face… it looked almost excited at first with a hint of worry but then once he got a view of who it was his face turned into a mix of confusion and disappointment.

"Asuka?" he said, his voice trialing up as he said the bewildered red head's name.

"Ye- Yeah who didja think it was moron?"

"Hey! I'm not a moron alright! If you're gonna insult someone be more original!"

He snapped out at her, she shrank back a little feeling her eyes widen inadvertently. Sometimes she had to admit to her things like this scared her when he yelled at her leaning forward his face curling around his eyes and teeth being fueled with pure rage. She had flashbacks of Shinji who was normally so docile snap at her, but then there was this guy who she could almost never get a read on.

Sure, guys during this age were just bouncing back between being stupid and horny but there were times when their brains were just flooded with hormones so quickly or their mood shifted in a flash that she was scared about what they might do to her, even if it was a quick lapse in judgement.

She wrapped her arms around her to shield herself from whatever he might do, once his throat tearing roar and stopped echoing and rattling her ears, just as quickly as he had snapped, he quickly looked away from her. His eyes seemed to grow soft and he shifted behind the threshold. "Sorry… I shouldn't have done that. I just thought you were Rei… she hasn't come home yet. You… haven't heard anything about her have you Asuka?"

"Yeah you shouldn't have! Scaring me like that, freaking me out like you were going to attack me what's wrong with you?!"

"Sorry! I already apologized it's just…- "he paused gripping the side of his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't know… I've just been having headaches and my last synch test… it was… it just didn't go well. And then Rei hasn't answered my texts or anything and I'm just worried about her. But Asuka you've got to tell me anything, anything! Is she okay, I don't know what you heard but, I don't care just tell me what happened at school!"

"Nobody told you?" she asked warily.

"Told me what!" he yelled stepping out towards her gripping her shoulders, his eyes pleading for one good word of news. "Lay off." She gripped shrugging his hands off, wiping the wrinkles he made on her shirt she asked, "Aren't you gonna invite me in? At least then we can talk better."

Rolling his eyes and head back he threw up his hands exasperated and gestured to the condo, waiting for her to make the first move he quickly followed behind her guiding her to the kitchen. Pulling out a chair for her and then himself he sat eagerly leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees that were already pumping up and down nervously.

Sitting down and sighing Asuka leaned on the table and uttered a single word, "Coffee."

"What?" he asked perplexed raising an eyebrow, "Aren't you going to offer me a coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee."

"Okay… but shouldn't you still offer your guest a coffee? A tea, a water, cup of juice something? And I thought Hispanic people were supposed to be welcoming to guests in the home."

"Well I guess you found the one who isn't now tell me what do you know about Rei."

"After you offer me a coffee."

"Fine." He groaned walking towards some cabinets, digging around until he found a small brown box. Before he had even thought to ask, he was already boiling water turning around and holding up the small box he should Asuka. "Instant okay?"

Asuka nodded, closing his eyes Nathan sighed in relief and began to scoop a little bit into a mug, "Sugar or cream?"

"Sugar, five lumps."

She watched him as he delicately prepared and then mixed her drink, putting great care into the ratio of coffee mix and sugar and measuring out the water level with laser tight precision before stirring it. It was almost as if he had done this before or had taken up to preparing meals or drink for someone else, she quickly tried to forget the face of who it was when he set the mug in front of her. "Well?" he asked.

Sighing Asuka took the mug taking a deep whiff of the sweet mix that already just by smell seemed to light a fire in her brain, then taking a small sip set the mug down and looked back up at him and then away just as quick.

"The commander called for her at school. Something about her having a test or something. She didn't say what exactly, I'm surprised she didn't let you know." She gave a calculating eye raise, bringing the mug up to her mouth hiding her lips hoping he would buy her lies.

He glanced back down and slowly sat down, "Well… there was a time she said she had something to do that was secret. She never told me what it was, maybe it had something to do with that."

"Maybe." Asuka replied in a fake chipper tone.

"Yeah… maybe." He said finishing his thought by swinging his legs around his chair and laying down on the table balled his hand up in a loose fist and began to rapt the tabletop. Just then Asuka heard a small rumbling growl and Nathan's eyes darted to his stomach which he promptly covered up, "Sorry… I haven't really eaten all day. Uh-… you hungry?"

Trying to play it off Asuka leaned back and shrugged, "I could eat I guess… what's good around here?"

"I don't know let's see. Well we don't have many ingredients everything is pretty much pre-made or a just add water and heat thing. Oh look!" He said sarcastically as he pulled out a small saran wrapped tray from the fridge tilting it so Asuka could see. What was in the tiny slots of the tray vaguely resembled squares of colored plastic, "Just the thing for every growing boy and gal, you got your green, your red and brown and even your orange. Go on dig in!"

With a slight flick of his wrist he frisbeed the tray towards Asuka who looked at the tray with a scowl of disgust, "Are you kidding me there's no way in hell I'm eating that crap!"

"Well sorry! This is a government operation after all, you really think they'd just have lobster, steak, chocolate mousse laying around for us?"

The girl let out a huff, annoyed at her new roomie's sarcasm. "So, there's really nothing to eat here at all?"

"Yeah nothing, me and Rei don't really shop much. I don't think she's really picky about what she eats as long as you know it's not meat."

The two kids stayed quiet just for a few moments, until Asuka broke the silence. "Well do you wanna go out and try to find something? It's not like there's anything here for us and we both lack cooking skills."

"Yeah but… I've gotta be here in case Rei shows up Asuka."

"Oh, please I'm pretty sure she can take care of herself besides there were days when she didn't show up for school so who knows how long she'll be and if she does show up later on you'll have been the thoughtful boyfriend who went out and got her some dinner."

"You really think so?" he asked shyly trying to hide the blushing look of pride on his face, "Yeah and besides since I'm your new roomie I think it's only fair you treat me to dinner as well."

"Woah, woah, woah. Who said anything about you living here?"

"Me, I did just now."

"No way!"

"Well why not!"

"Cause it's just me and Rei here and…" his face turned even redder as he looked away, "Well we just like our privacy and enjoy it… just being us."

"Yeah, ew gross. That stuff is coming to an end. Look here's the deal, I'm tired of living at Misato's place and I'm looking into having more fun and freedom. There are no adults here so I can do whatever, whenever. No limits, only fun that's gonna be the way it is from now on."

She declared making her case, "Yeah, the answer's still no."

"Oh my god you idiot, look I'm living here with the two of you and that is final. There is no convincing me otherwise."

"And there's no convincing me otherwise, that you'll be under the same roof as me!"

"Well tough! Besides the commander said for me to live here with you two if I wasn't going to live with Misato, and you wouldn't go against him, would you? That guy practically runs our lives from the shadows and who's to say what'll he do if he finds out some of his EVA pilots are messing around with one another?"

Feeling cornered he lamented and lowered his head giving into the redhead's demands. "Fine you can stay here. But you'd better not mess with her or pick a fight. If you do, I don't care what anyone here says. I'll throw you out of here personally."

"Alright so it's all decided! Now hurry and get out of those rags and let's go!"

Sighing at Asuka's high pitched happy voice he trudged away going up the stairs wondering what else he had done to deserve having to play housemates with the red terror. "Oh, and by the way, when we get back, you're moving into your own room! They'll be no more love nest of yours while I'm staying here!"

"Kill me now…" he muttered wondering how awful life would be now that Asuka was there with him.

Asuka sat with her legs crossed in the barstool chair at the table, sipping her coffee she smiled even despite burning the inside of her mouth with every splash of coffee that went past her lips. "Ahhh, tastes like victory." She bemused proud of herself. Just then her phone started to buzz, sighing she took it out of her pocket and glanced at it, on the blue glowing screen she saw a tiny picture of Hikari smiling back at her.

H- Hey Asuka, are you okay? After those guys dragged you away from school like that, I was kinda scared for you. If you aren't feeling like going to that club thing later on tomorrow night, I'll understand.

A- Of course, I'm fine Hikari! It was all just a total misunderstanding. Besides after this week I definitely could use some fun… who knows maybe Kazuo knows a hot guy that'd be dying to meet you. Or do you still have your heart set on Toji?

Asuka smirked, not one second after did the little seen word popped up near the text she had just sent, an icon of a thought bubble with flashing triple dots appeared, no doubt Hikari trying to set things straight with Asuka. No, I don't like Toji, have you even met him, OMG Asuka how could you even think of such a thing.

Yeah, that's what she'll probably send, Asuka thought to herself.

H- Look it's not like that… there's just something different about Suzuhara. But forget that… what happened to Rei is she alright. After what you did?

CRAP! Asuka's heart started to race as thought appeared in her mind of what she was going to say and do. She couldn't deny hitting Rei, or what that led to. Everyone saw what was going on with her. Already her palms began to sweat, and her phone began to slip out of her fingers. What could she even say that would be believable?

Her mouth felt dry as if hair and cotton had been stuffed in it, licking her lips she tried to relax but was only greeted with that prickly pasty taste, she walked over to the fridge in the kitchen and took out a bottle of Pocari sweat. Taking a quick swig, she felt her mouth become more sticky or slimy, her back shivered like ice had been dropped into her shirt.

Once she felt settled down enough, she picked her phone back up and let her fingers do the talking.

A- Yeah about that… turns out she's sick. Some new kind of disease or cancer that the EVAs can give off. Something about us being so close to their power sources and core. When I hit her some of her blood vessels ruptured and the vitals chip, they have installed in all of us alerted our security detail. She should be staring treatment soon.

H- OMG! That's awful, are you okay? Do you have it too? When is she gonna be better?

Hooked line and sinker. Asuka thought.

A- Don't know yet they'll be running more tests on all of us, but hey I don't want you to bring this up about me or the others okay. I think it'd be best if this was a secret okay?

H- Okay fine. But Idk if you are doing medical tests and stuff, is it really okay for you to be going out and stuff?

A- It'll be fine Hikari! Just remember me and Kazuo will be coming to pick you up. Oh yeah and wear something sexy for the guys!

Hikari stayed silent for a while, until she finally replied with a simple "Okay", giving in to Asuka. Nodding and smiling at her success she clicked her phone off before glancing at the timer wondering what was taking Nathan so long. Rolling her eyes she decided to sneak up on him and see what was the hold up. Tip toeing up the stairs she tried to avoid hitting any spot that could creak. Until she finally reached the top of the step, then she leaned into the open doorway. Shrouded in the darkness of the room she saw Nathan leaning against a wall clad in nothing but his boxer briefs, a pair that looked like they were cut from a tight body glove suit. And to suit the irony, they had BODYGLOVE written in bold white letters on the waistband.

From her vantage point it looked as if he was staring at a stack of photos, she squinted her eyes hoping to focus on what he was seeing. But gave up, she made a mental note to look at the pictures later that night. But there was something strange about this, Asuka tilted her head and saw Nathan's thin figure in the moonlight.

Or at least the projected moon that was in the Geo-front, she saw how its light wrapped around him and seemed to glow brightly from the edges of his shadow as if it were hugging or caressing him. It was as if the moon were alive and was holding him like a lover, letting its touch fold into every crease and imperfection in his skin. Marking him as its soul mate and letting everyone know he belonged to it and it alone. But even in the low light she could see his body, how skinny he was and how it looked like his skin was pulled tight over his small bulging muscles.

Asuka felt her cheeks flush, and her chest burned. Shutting her eyes, she shook her head, snapping her out of her trance. "Hey Metro! Hurry it up or by the time we get out of here it'll be time for breakfast!" she yelled.

Nathan's head snapped over to the door and his eyes went wide in fear, "Ahh! Asuka what the fuck!"

She slammed the door, amused with herself. She leaned across from the door smiling, lying in wait for Nathan to finally be ready. When finally, the door slid open and he was standing across from her dressed in black jogger pants and a short sleeve hoodie.

"Okay if you are going to live here. No more of that shit." He said pointing a finger accusingly at her. "How'd you like it if I did that to you?" he asked.

"If you did that, you'd be dead. Now hurry up let's go!"

Grabbing his wrist, she yanked him towards the stairs and practically leaping down all the steps. Pulling him tighter into her grip Nathan managed to worm his way out of her hold by the time they had walked out of the condo. Reaching the white halls of NERV, Asuka looked back at Nathan who stared at the ground while walking along beside her.

He stood out immediately, all his black clothing against the white surroundings of NERV it was like a mass of dark crude oil had come to life and was now standing up in the shape of a teenage boy. Closing his eyes, he reached into his pockets, for a second Asuka caught herself staring at his eyes or at least their corners.

In the light they had a strange glow to them, but just as she felt her mouth open slightly as if she had something to ask him. He whipped out his MP3 player and slipped in his earbuds, shutting himself off. With his attention focused solely on the player she looked away from him and glanced towards the empty halls of NERV, listening to their soft echoing steps.

She tried glancing at him periodically throughout their walks and train rides, but every time she glanced at him hoping he would at least look back at her or even just give a brief passing glance of acknowledgement that she was there he simply seemed to be staring off into the distance, and when they got onto the surface it seemed he was focused on the small moon hidden behind the clouds. Even his hands were hidden away, she only saw his arms and elbows popping out of his sides.

Even those seemed to be pointed at her, like in some way to prod her away to create more distance between them. Does he really hate me that much, that he can't even be bothered to fake a conversation with me? She wondered.

No doubt, he'd rather be here with that stupid doll of his. That's if they even decided to leave the house.

"So hey, what were you thinking about getting?"

"Huh?" Asuka's voice took on a surprised tone, not sure if her ears heard right because for just a second it seemed like he had just spoke to her. "The trains' about to pull into the station, you know what you wanna eat yet? There should be some stuff nearby."

She gave him a quick glance before shutting her eyes and casually throwing up her shoulders, "I don't know whatever you want's fine. I don't feel like anything fancy or some chain restaurant though."

"You just wanna check out the food stalls? I've been meaning to try some Takoyaki and yakitori."

"Sounds fine." She replied giving a slight smile, and to her surprise looking back at him he was looking back at her, a small corner of his lip turned up as he took out his earbuds slipping them into his pocket. "I'm just wondering what I should get Rei though?" he said, turning his attention away from Asuka. She watched as his gaze drifted to the floor, his cheeks turning a light shade of red, Asuka head shifted away from him as the train came to a stop and she found herself staring at the floor.

"Yakisoba… just get her some yakisoba." She replied curtly before standing up, not bothering to check if was keeping up with her. "Hey, does it smell like it's gonna rain to you?"

She heard him ask, "I don't know look up at the sky for yourself I can't smell anything."

The pair quietly walked through the bustling train station, full of commuters getting ready to head on home for the weekend, along with the odd bunches of people gathering around the souvenir shops buying sweets or small trinkets for their family and friends.

Walking up the stairs up onto the ground level they were both surprised to see that the streets seemed almost empty, any people on the street corners or outside the small shops seemed to be miles away from them. Even the park that was littered with pop-up food stalls seemed to be only populated by the vendors and strings of light bulbs.

"Well I still can't see the sky, but to me it still smells like rain. C'mon lets go."

Try as she might Asuka's scowl she had molded onto her face was soon melted away by the sweet and savory smell of fried and grilled meats, even the buzzling crackle of skin and meat turning crisp or being grilled to the perfect shiny smooth marble made her stomach growl as she glanced around. As soon as they passed through the archways of the park immediately vendors began calling out to them, every set of eyes seemed to be focused on Asuka.

She hid a small smile feeling almost like royalty. But then she let out a small gasp, like the air had been knocked out of her. Looking down to her right flank she saw Nathan had gotten unconsciously closer to her and hit her lower ribs with his elbow. Its sharp and bony edge hitting and cutting into her gut. "Hey, don't stand so close to me, I don't want people to think we're a couple or anything." She softly growled.

"Yeah sorry." He murmured scooting away from her, squinting his eyes as he struggled to read the hiragana written in thick bold lettering above each of the stalls. "Over there Einstein." She said point up at a stall for yakitori, "Thanks… I've kinda been slacking off on my Japanese studies." He said embarrassed rubbing his neck.

"Yeah, well you're hardly at school anyways it's a miracle you can remember your name let alone speak."

Shaking his head at her comments the two placed an order for two skewers each and found a spot to sit down, calmly taking small bites of the freshly made fried balls of octopus, hoping not to scorch their mouths. For most of their meal they sat eating in silence up until Nathan announced his venture for some Yakisoba hopefully without meat, and his promise to get some Yakitori with her upon his return.

To her it was fine, as least she had some private time finally to go to the restroom. When she was confident that he was out of eyesight she made her way to the public toilets, locking the door behind her after checking that she was the sole inhabitant. Letting out a sigh of relief she undid her school shirt and check out her stomach.

Staring at it coldly from the front and then both sides, running her fingers along her sides she still felt her ribs. And more or less her stomach appeared to be flat, maybe only the slightest of bulging just barely under her belly. Running the side of her hand upwards like a razor she tried to scoop up her stomach. Already she felt a tightening, gurgling feeling deep inside of her.

It felt like cramps, she already felt full but the smell of all the food cooking wafted through the vents in the bathroom and her stomach gurgled and rumbled in protest demanding more or was it already filled up? Could she dare to eat more? Or was she just wanting the taste of food, a fine coat of mayonnaise and yakitori sauce still clung to her cheeks. Already that taste was making her shiver and her mouth water.

Her phone began buzzing and looking at the texts she saw it was Nathan asking where she was. Huffing she pulled her shirt back on smoothing out any wrinkles and fixing her skirt. Running her hands through her hair and flinging it back she couldn't help but feel its ugliness, how dead, dry and crackly it was. Like straw. No doubt she would have to deep condition it later on.

But she couldn't let him see her like this, she couldn't let anyone see her like this. Taking in a deep breath she steadied herself and walked out of the bathrooms to see a confused Nathan standing in the middle of the park glancing side to side like an idiot, carrying a plastic bag at his side. No doubt the doll's dinner. Her piercing stare focused on him like an eagle's from behind the tiny, cracked door, watching him pace around and look at his phone until he sat down.

For just a brief moment she thought about ditching him, just heading on back home to NERV or Hikari's, hell for a moment she thought about asking Kazuo if she could spend the night. But for some reason she decided to stay.

Sighing she opened the door deciding she could risk eating a bit more, after all everything smelt and looked so good to her. But keeping a stoic face as she approached him and acknowledge his casual nod and smile towards her, she wondered why it felt so bad to even eat a single bite of anything.

But she kept up her cool and relaxed façade, even buying some Yakitori alongside Nathan, whereas she stayed traditional getting two skews each of chicken and beef, he went more daring buying beef, eel, pork and chicken.

She could not help but give a disgusted judging look at him as he bit into the eel letting out a satisfied groan as he ate it up. Watching the dark brown barbeque-like sauce dribbled down his chin.

Pushing the image of a slimy disgusting eel from her mind she laid her eyes back on the small tray in her lap, picking up a skew with beef chunks on it she opened up a one of the many small plastic tubs that was no bigger than a fingertip that had been laid out for her.

Each one was filled with a different colored powder or sauce like substance some a mix of salt and pepper, soy sauce, hot sauce, or just a mix of different seasonings that could be from a tongue buzzing mild to a heat that would make you dehydrated from crying.

Looking over she noticed Nathan picking up and eyeing one of them intensely, rolling it over in his fingertips trying to decipher what it could be. But Asuka knew just by the three characters printed in red on the top of the cap, wasabi.

"Hey, you know what this is?"

She raised both of her eyebrows and squinted before getting close to the cap, "Not a clue." Shaking her head as she backed away trying to fight the mischievous grin on her face. "You think it'd be any good?" he asked warily.

"Why do you need to ask me? Can't think for yourself huh? Always need someone else's approval or advice before you do anything? No wonder why you're stuck where you are. You spend all your time thinking."

"Jeez, I just asked you a simple question. Forget it." He took one look at her, and then his eyes glanced to the small cup of wasabi. Narrowing his eyes he turned them back to her and while he stared her down took one of his chopsticks up like a sword and swirled it around inside the cup, stirring the green muck up until it stuck to the walls and with a glob clinging to the stick pulled it out and smeared it on a glistening piece of red meat.

Bringing the skewer up to his mouth he ripped the meat from the stick into a bloody chunk, letting shreds rest on his lower lip a mix of juice, blood and wasabi dripped down his chin. Asuka watched wide eyed as he rapidly chewed before swallowing, already it looked it he was having trouble eating it. He winced and squeezed his eyes, his head snapping to one side like he had bitten the inside of his cheek.

Nathan started to make an odd chocking, wheezing noise and then he let out an "Ahhh!", before dropping his food tray to the ground clutching his face just as snot and tears started to pour out of his head. His tongue drooped out of his head as he began panting like a dog. By now Asuka could no longer contain herself, sitting her food aside she let loose with a loud manic giggle covering her mouth with one hand and clutching her stomach with the other.

"Oh, my god I can't believe you ate all that wasabi! What a dumbass!" she wheezed out. Nathan let out another groan of pain, "Arrggh! Why! Why didn't you warn me it'd be this bad?"

"I just wanted to see what'd happen." She laughed.

He bent over whimpering as he sniffed, using his shirt to dab his eyes dry. "Ugh, when's it gonna stop. Mnnhh!" he began gripping his stomach, already it had started to make gurgling noises like a dying animal. "Ugh, my stomach. I think something's wrong Asuka."

He went silent as his eyes bugled out, cupping his face he leaned over his side. Those wet chocking noises continued as his shoulder blades shot back and his head started rolling back and forth as he retched violently. "Nathan?" Asuka asked now concerned seeing her joke had gone too far, she slowly reached a hand out to… to steady him or comfort him she didn't know but as soon as her small hand touched the center of his back and began to slide up to his shoulder he fell forward and crawled away for a few feet until he vomited on a small patch of grass.

He continued hacking and vomiting until he could only make dry retching noises, giving one last shudder he collapsed on his side, Asuka sat back staring at what she had done. "Hey, stop goofing around idiot it was just some wasabi nothing serious. Stop being such a baby. Listen to me to me you idiot, do something! Move!" she yelled bolting up right kicking him hard in the ribs making him flip over shuddering, beads of sweat forming on his head as he shivered.

She stood over him, her shoulders heaving as she awaited his answer, but he just continued to stare off into nothing as trembled hugging his body close to him. She sat down beside him rocking him back and forth, "Do something, wake up!"

But still he lay there, but then slowly his rigid fetal posed body went limp and his eyes fluttered shut as he let out a soft gasp of air, both of his hands cupping the lower part of his stomach. Slowly then like a shadow growing across a lake a dark shape emerged from his nose, a thick line of dark colored blood began to leak from his nose and in a slanted line went from his nose. The line made it over his upper lip before slipping between both lips before disappearing.

Some of the dark red slow-moving liquid disappeared into his mouth never to be seen again, the rest trickled down the corner of his mouth in a thin line.

Asuka felt cold, watching him just lie there and bleed. The image of Rei lying in the middle of the classroom all bloody burned in her mind, she could feel all those eyes on her. The eyes of all her classmates, even if her blood and heart felt hot… surging with anger boiling every fluid in her body. Her skin still felt cold.

Just like now, she could see herself and still feel herself standing in the middle of the classroom. Anger hiding the confusion that was running in her body, usually the anger was her drug. Her aggression a crutch that made her heart race, her instincts focused. She felt alive, when that adrenaline pumped throughout her body, she felt like she could fly and maybe even in the EVA that was possible.

But it wiped away any other feeling, any feelings or distractions that could make her weak. But now, it just made her feel drained. She could feel cold spots on her back sinking into her body, like daggers of ice chilling her whole body, freezing her heart until it stopped as the cold slowly worked its way to her fingers.

She could feel those eyes, the eyes that sank those icy knives into her flesh. Those looks of fear, hatred and disgust coming off of her classmates. Looking up she saw the food vendors either lean out of or stepping away from their shops coming to see what was the matter. And seeing the fallen Nathan, their eyes turned to the closest body there was near him… Asuka.

They all sat there dumbfounded as to why wasn't she doing something. How could she just stand there staring at him, kicking, and yelling at him they wondered. And like with Rei, every single pair of eyes that landed on Asuka made her feel cold.

Asuka grit her teeth, staring at the ground. Why do they make me feel this way, those bastards!

"Get up! We're leaving!" She yelled at the collapsed Nathan, leaning down she scooped him up, pulling his arm over her shoulder before struggling to stand upright, surprised at how heavy he had turned out to be. "Jeez lose some weight!" she groaned as she wavered back and forth trying to get her footing.

When she finally felt as if she had him she took a small step and to her hope and amazement, Nathan seemed to take a drunken step forward, wobbling at first, his head swaying from side to side, knocking into her's or resting on her shoulder. She gave one last look over her shoulder before exiting the park. Stop looking at me you bastards, stop giving me those looks.

"Stop making me feel weak." She muttered coldly under her breath. As she trudged away carrying a lump of dead weight against her small body, steading herself she pulled his body closer to hers. She fought off a small shiver, the more of his body she felt the colder she became. Whether it be his cheek resting against her shoulder, his flank against her own. His arm wrapped around her body, even the air that was simply around him gave her chills that made her spine shiver.

For a second, she swore she could see her own breath. But as she adjusted her hold on him, her hand ended up in the middle of his chest. Just then the feeling… the cold, the anger of being stared down was gone. Just then she felt a sudden rush of warmth, it was small at first like a pinprick or the shivering comfort of stepping into a warmth bath, but it gradually built up within her body, making her face burn.

Up until then every part of her body that touched his felt cold, but then it felt like getting kissed by the sun, as if she had spent an entire lifetime underground only to step out of darkness into the bright light of mid-day. she felt heat and a glowing comfort start to grow up within her being, it was almost as if she was being reenergized, she felt tipsy and a buzzing feeling throughout her whole being, it was almost the same feeling as when she got into Misato's rum. Only she didn't feel as hazy, her mind was clear… or as clear as she thought it was.

But she felt something new, and pretty soon this buzzing, mind numbing feeling overtook her whole body. Her slouching stopped and she stood upright, even each new breath felt energizing. Standing upright now Nathan almost felt weightless, and soon that small pinprick of warmth that lay in the center of his heart seemed to overtake his whole body, and it felt like a nice warm blanket fresh out of the dryer, something that she felt she wanted to enfold herself in and lay down. Pulling him closer to her own body, she gritted her teeth and stood him upright and then giving a devil may care smile, took on a faster pace heading to the nearest convenience store. "They'll definitely have something to make him better… maybe he's just having acid reflux or some other kind of reaction." She murmured to herself.

But beneath that… she couldn't help to feel like this was some kind of test. Something to see what she would have done defiantly if it hadn't been Rei that was bleeding and needing help. Maybe this was in some way making up for her past mistake or was she trying to do better this time around just in case they really were watching her every move. Then again, if the second Rei hit the floor all those NERV agents appeared who'd know what else they had seen… who really knows all the things NERV intelligence knows, even those secrets and mistakes Asuka would never want anyone in a million years to know.

He let out another soft groan into her ear, looking up she saw the convenience store and a small victorious grin broke out over her face. "Almost there…" she murmured.

With each step he seemed to get heavier, groaning and gritting her teeth she tried to summon every bit of strength she felt she had hidden in her being but some part of her seemed to be calling out to her… telling her she had done enough and that it was okay to lie down. To stop fighting and sleep, to curl up and let the pin prickly warmth take over her mind and body. To simply stop and just sleep. Her head throbbed slightly but it was probably due to that annoying buzzing feeling but still it made her temples rattle.

Shaking her head, she tried to brush off the feeling and then just as she crossed the street, she headed down a short alley and let go of her burden, setting him of in a corner hidden behind a dumpster. "Okay you just stay here… I'll be back with some medicine and maybe some other things."

Her hand instinctively went over her stomach, just as she swiveled on her heel she took one last look at Nathan who was slumped over, giving a small frown she sighed and straightened him upright, patting him down and smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt before she felt satisfied with leaving him there. "Okay… stay." She said at the end of the alleyway, pointing at him with her index finger in a commanding way, maybe one would do to a dog.

Swiveling away from him she turned the sidewalk corner and walked into the bright white light of the convince store in search of a remedy for Nathan's current situation, other things she needed and maybe even a sweet treat. After all she had done a good thing right? For dragging his ass along she probably deserved to treat herself to something.

Nathan sat in the alleyway, his eyes slowly blinking letting the dark dank images of trash and grime seep into his eyes whenever they had the strength to be open. Looking up to the stars, the real ones, not the fake ones that NERV had created for the Geo-front he saw a lone light hanging above his head illuminating the alley just enough to where he was able to pick out the individual bricks that made up the buildings that surrounded him.

But try as he might, he couldn't lift his head above his shoulder for more than a few seconds. But one part of his body he felt confident in was his right arm, he tried to move it, but it only flopped a few inches in the air in random direction as if it had a will of its own.

Letting out a dejected sigh he tried to imagine his arm moving towards the collar of his shirt and slipping down his shirt, he tried to send that same mental image to his should and down to his elbow, hoping the message went down to his fingertips. Then in an almost drunken stupor his right hand slapped him in the face before his knuckles bumped down his chest slipping into his shirt. Before flopping out like a fish out of water landing in his lap, and there it was… glowing dimly in the light, his green jade necklace. The one Rei had gotten him.

He felt a small glowing smile break out onto his face upon verifying that he had kept his promise to keep it on his person forever. Already he felt he was able to think clearer with it out, but then like clay being hit with water or suddenly staring to slant down under its own weight his small smile formed a frown that made his eyes droop and almost fully reveal his tear ducts to the light that know was burning his eyes.

"Where are you Rei?" he asked in a small voice, giving a small blink he felt a small stream of cold water leaving the corners of his eyes, shutting them to not allow anymore to leave he tried to imagine the last time they were together. Her arms around him, how close his chest was to hers, that intoxicating smell that seemed to radiate off her hair reminding him of LCL. How calm he felt laying his head against her chest, her little sighs and that soft shimmer to her eyes that said she saw only him and that said the two of them shared some secret connection that no one else on earth could ever have.

He could feel her warm, small and slender finger stroking his cheek. Both of her hands taking his face and bring it to her own before wrapping themselves around his head and digging into his hair before trailing down his back. He could feel a small smile start to build up, before he started to feel tiny cold flecks of water start to pepper him.

Grimacing he squinted to see a black figure standing in front of him pouring water into its hand before squeezing the water from its palm and flecking anything that was left into his face. "Mmmnn… who are you?"

Asking in a daze he tried to open his eyes more to see who it was that was launching volleys of water droplets into his face but then a curt voice simply said, "Drink these."

Grabbing his lower jaw, the figure forced in a few tablets that tasted chalky and almost immediately began to melt into a dry paste on his tongue and then before he could refuse a fruity tasting drink was shoved into his lips. The figure pinched his nose shut, making him snort by reflux, the citrus in the drink burning his nose left him no other choice than to either drown or swallow.

So he took in the drink that was being forced into his mouth, drinking greedily like a starving baby he leaned his head back, once he took everything this figure had to offer up until now in a calm and almost comforting voice the figure said, "There you go, you feeling better now idiot?"

He shook his head, when he was finally able to open his eyes fully his vison was blurred for a few moments, but once they adjusted again, he saw Asuka standing above him. "Asuka…? What happened, where am I?"

"You had some… kind of reaction to the wasabi you ate. So, I just brought you here, you're welcome by the way and got you some medicine and this too… I thought maybe it'd help. So… are you feeling better?"

He sat there rubbing his head for a bit, before he wiped his lips. "Yeah I guess I am feeling kinda better now… thanks by the way."

"Just so you know I only did it so I wouldn't have to drag you all the way back to NERV. Anyways here catch." Giving him almost no time to react Asuka casually reached into the white plastic bag and grabbed two items, tossing them into his lap. Picking up each item he saw that she had given him a bottle of ramune and a plastic squeeze pouch of coolish ice cream.

"Well at least you know something about what I like." He said showing off the small pouch of cookies and cream ice cream.

"Honestly I just grabbed the first one I saw so just call it dumb luck. And just so you know I just got you original ramune based off your choice in women… I thought it'd suit your taste… plain and boring."

Sighing he brushed off Asuka's comment, "I don't know if I should be mad at your slight at Rei or feel slighted myself. Ugh, how do you open this stupid thing? I don't see a twist off or a that little metal thing."

"How you've survived for this long simply amazes me." Taking a seat next to him, Asuka pushed her shoulder up to his and snatched the bottle from his hand. "Here like this." She instructed, using the small yellow piece of plastic to pop the marble down into the bottle making it fizz.

"Hey that's kinda neat… thanks." He reached out taking the bottle by its base trying to avoid touching her fingers around the bulbous top of the bottle. Having both of his things he scooted down away from her, watching at she brought out her own ice cream and ramune. But there was still something left in the bag, it looked vaguely like a box with a white cylinder shape on it, but he couldn't be sure.

"What are you looking at?" she quipped narrowing her eyes and following his gaze to her bag, realizing that she could have probably tried a bit hard at hiding her personal purchase a bit better couldn't help but turn red as she scooted the box behind her and out of sight before in a nervous sweat reached in and brought out a small folded square.

"Here you go… I used your wallet to buy the stuff."

Feeling his own face start to burn in embarrassment he looked away as he took his wallet slipping it into his pocket not even mad that she had used his own money to buy all this stuff. The two of them sat in silence next to each other, sipping their sodas and eating their ice cream.

Finishing up his bottle Nathan tossed it into the garbage can that he was sat next to sighing and looking up the at the moon he instinctively began to rub the jade emerald between his fingers. "So how long do you plan on living with us back at NERV?" he asked softly.

"Huh?"

"You said you were gonna live with me and Rei back at NERV… so any guess as to how long?"

Taking her ramune away from her lips Asuka looked down at the bottle and lazily shook it around, making the tiny marble dance along inside its tiny egg-shaped prison. "To be honest I really haven't given it much thought. Things are too complicated back at Misato's place… and the Commander's a real dick about me finding my own place so I don't really know."

"What Shinji walk in on you after a shower or something?"

"Ahhh! No nothing like that you damned pervert!" she shrieked, blushing and turning away from him. "What you walk in on him jerking it? There's gotta be some reason why you're leaving… I mean Shinji… has his reason."

She turned around and punched him in the shoulder, "Ow! The hell was that for?"

"Okay rule number one if we're gonna live under the same roof, there'll be no more of your dumb horny guy antics. No gross or perverted thoughts and most importantly you and Rei better get used to sleeping in separate rooms. No more doing… whatever you two do behind closed doors."

"Why are you still hung up over this one thing?" he sighed, "Look Asuka… I know the two of us are probably too young for this type of relationship but... me and Rei have something bigger. Something more than just your average boyfriend and girlfriend, sure it leads to some stuff. But at the end of the day, me and her are going to show each other we love one another however we see fit."

"Ugh! Don't try to make it out to be something more than it is. Just say it like it is, that one dirty word that all the adults don't want us to know about but it's all you dumb kids ever think about!"

"What?"

"Shut up, you already know what I'm talking about. You and Rei sleazing around together and doing it is the whole reason why Shinji ran away and why I'm even in this mess in the first place."

"Oh… sorry about that then. If you feel that way Asuka why bother staying with us? Why if there's another place back at NERV or wherever for you to go? Cause it just sounds like you'd be miserable staying near us."

"Haven't you been listening you idiot! I've got nowhere else to go this is it for me! One more fuckup or if I even slack off or say one thing out of line then I'm done for! I'm done, they'll discharge me and take away my Unit 02. I'll be sent back home to Germany and then I'll be nothing! I'll be like all those stupid kids back at school or all those geezers running the food stands!"

She sat there huffing in anger and exhaustion after yelling out her answer, she stared at the ground intensely before looking up at him. Nathan just sat there with a look that was a mix of remorse and self-disgust. "So, I guess I burned you in the end too huh? Why can't I ever do anything right? It seems like the only person I ever made happy was Rei and she's not even here anymore… I don't know what to do without her. I'm sorry Asuka."

"Whatever… if she comes back, I don't care what the two of you guys do just… make sure I'm not there for it."

"So, you're really okay if me and Rei…?"

"I just said I don't care alright just leave it at that! Just please tell me the two of you are using some kind of protection. Last thing I need is to be demoted to being someone's midwife." She groaned.

"Uhhhh… You see Asuka the thing is me and her don't actually use protection."

"I seriously can't believe you're entrusted with saving all of humanity like me. It's embarrassing to say you're my co-pilot." She groaned.

He gave a small nervous chuckle trying to laugh off her insult, but it sounded shyer than anything else, "Well I mean it could be worse for you right? It's not like you're co-pilots with Toji or Kenesuke or anyone else from our school, right?"

"Don't even joke about that." She said trying to stifle a small laugh while rolling her eyes.

He let out a little sly laugh at his own dumb joke, "Yeah, I doubt any of them could really hack it anyways."

"Whattaya mean?"

He gave a small shrug, "I guess people like us are just wired different Asuka. Maybe people like us just need EVA more… maybe it's even the other way around. But I kinda know what you mean by needing EVA. So, you're not totally alone in that."

Asuka stared at him with wide blue eyes, as he glanced at her from the corners of his own dark brown ones with his head slightly tilted down. The shared one quick look before he sighed and shut his eyes turning away and let out a short yawn, "You know we probably should get back right? Who knows what time it is? Besides I guess we still need to make up your room, right?"

He pushed himself up off the ground and got to his feet shakily before he froze, his eyes widened, and he seemed to take a step back. "Asuka…" he whispered.

"What?" she asked annoyed at his sudden mood change, she looked up at him then his arm shot out at her, gripping her wrist he pulled her close. She barely had any time to grab her grocery back as she tumbled into him, "What's your deal you psycho?"

Gritting her teeth, she felt that spike of anger and adrenaline surging through her body but then she saw what he was looking at, down at the end of the alley were three guys swaggering over to them. Each of them towered over the pilots, Asuka looked over her shoulder to the end of the alley. For a moment she was sure they could make a run for it, but it looked so far away, and with all the clutter lining the ground there's no way they would keep the lead for long.

Each of the ugly goons smile and cracked their knuckles, "Well, well, well what do we have here?"

"Looks like a couple of lovebirds to me, eh Kubota?"

"Got that right Ryoshi."

"We're not love birds you jackasses! Let us go!"

"Asuka cool it." Nathan muttered to the fiery red head trying to cool things down before she dug them both into some hole that they had no chance of getting out of. "Look guys we don't have anything so just let us go!"

"Oh, I don't think so. I mean you've got her and that pretty rock around your neck."

His eyes darted to his necklace that was bouncing off his chest, "Forget it, you're not gonna her or it. Now just leave us alone."

"That wasn't a request." One of them said ominously grabbing a metal lid of a nearby trash before charging with a yell at them, in a quick reflex Nathan pushed Asuka away from him but just as he managed to shove her in the chest making her tumble back he felt a crack and an explosion of pain ring out through his head making his brain bounce inside his skull.

"Ugh!" he cried out as the weight of the lid drove him down into the concrete, he rolled over in a daze, his vision fuzzy as stars blocked out his view. He tried to stand upright but immediately stumbled into the wall, "Look at this guy doesn't know when to quit!"

Turning around Nathan took a wild swing trying to land a blow on one of them but missed by a mile stumbling into one of the thugs who gripped him by scruff of his neck shaking his head like a dog biting down on a rope toy before swinging it like a loose pool noodle.

Once he was disoriented enough the fat pig nosed thug that was gripping his hair, headbutted him in the nose causing blood to stream out of both nostrils. "Asuka… run!" he choked out before spitting a glob of blood into the face of his attacker unleashing a weak straight kick to pig face's gut.

Nathan lifted his fists close to his head, but his throbbing head still flooded his eyes with stars he could hardly see any still-standing images. Turning his attention to the leader he heard Asuka yell out and looked over his shoulder, "Stay back creep!" she shrieked at the lanky thug to seemed to try and grabbed at her dress while she swung the bag trying to keep him at bay. "Just give up already kid!" the leader shouted into Nathan's ear as he swung a punch that dropped him to the ground.

Groaning Nathan looked up to see Asuka, her eyes looked wild and fearful. Asuka… I'm sorry, he thought to himself as he felt a hand wrap around his throat before slipping under his shirt. He tried to batter the hand away with his own gritting his teeth but then pig nose placed his foot on Nathan's cheek pinning it to the ground.

The hand that was feeling his chest up finally finished by ripping away the green necklace. "No… please. Don't take it." He murmured reaching out to the jade circle that dangled from the mugger's finger from Rei's red necktie.

With an annoyed grunt the mugger lifted his foot and stamped his heel into Nathan's gut, knocking the wind from him. "Kubota hurry it up!"

Kubota the lanky one then by instinct looked over his shoulder at the boss Ryoshi's orders and then for the single split second his attention was taken off of Asuka, seeing her chance she took it. Swinging the bag from her waist like a hammer throw, the bag rattled with extra bottles of ramune which all clunk together once they connected with Kubota's face. "Argh! Bitch!" he yelled.

"Never call me that!" she shrieked following her stunning blow with a swift kick to the groin which made him squeal with pain as he cupped his package, but she wasn't done just yet. With the bag resting on her left hip she swung it again making Kubota's head snap back finishing him off with another kick that now left the front of his pants dribbling small amounts of blood.

"Leave us alone!" she yelled reaching in the bag and grabbing a bottle throwing it square into the head of pig face who in one instant went from looking dumbfound at how a petite middle school girl took down some college age looking guy to screaming in pain gripping his face as blood, ramune and bits of broken glass slipped through his fingers.

Seeing that Ryoshi, was stunned by the sudden turn of events Nathan reached around ono the ground, grabbing a shard of broken glass he slashed at the mugger's lower calf making him collapse and yell.

Scrambling to his feet Nathan tried to steady himself, only to be tackled by Asuka from the back "C'mon now our chance let's run for it!" she cried into his ear, pleading with him to break for it while they had the chance. But he shook her off, walking to the leader his fist ready to be driven through his skull.

Just as the bleeding mugger looked up at him, he was met by Nathan with a swift punch to the back of the head followed by a kick to the center of his chest.

In a frantic stupor Nathan quickly crouched down near Ryoshi, his hands outstretched patting the ground as he looked around the battlefield, murmuring "Where is it?" over and over again. Then seeing the tiny jade circle hanging from Ryoshi's hands, stretched out towards it. Asuka trying to wrestle Nathan to his feet saw Ryoshi give a wicked grin as his empty hand reached into his coat and pulled something out.

Something gave a chilling click as a beam of silver light swung from Ryoshi's hand and before she could yell out a warning that silver light cut through the air in front of Nathan, at the last possible second his hands flew in front of his face and neck where an arch of blood spilled out of.

Dark red blood began to stream down Nathan's wrist as he groaned in pain, gripping his hand Asuka saw a diagonal slash that went from the knuckle of his right forefinger to his wrist. His fingers twitched as flowed into the webbings of them before falling off their tips, "Bastard!" she yelled picking up another bottle of ramune throwing it at Ryoshi's head only for it to fall short and shatter at the ground near his head.

Before he could react or counter attack, Asuka leapt up into the air and with her heels landed on Ryoshi's temple driving the right side of his face into the pavement underneath him and into the pieces of glass that now ate their way into his flesh as he cried out she hopped off, kicking him in the stomach knocking the wind from him.

Just as it looked like he was totally incapacitated, Asuka saw Nathan weakly wrestle away the jade necklace from Ryoshi while he kept his right hand under his left armpit. Once he was standing straight up she grabbed his left hand, pulling him down the mouth of the alley she led the run to the nearest train station the tiny gem bobbing from the red necktie that both of them held, bumping off of both their hands. They didn't bother to stop until they ran up the step, collapsing just behind the yellow safety line.

Asuka's lungs burned as she tried regaining her composure, her legs felt like they had knots up running down them. Brushing her hair of her forehead she felt a slick layer of sweat, muttering gross as she wiped her hand clean, she looked towards Nathan who had collapsed onto his chest staring at his left hand.

"I almost lost it, I'm so sorry." He repeated softly under his breath, realizing that the two of them could have gotten murdered or worse for a stupid piece of jewelry Asuka walked over to his hand and raised her heel just as she stomped down to crush it, he shielded it with his hand lettering her crush his fingers instead to which he barely winced at. "All this just for a stupid necklace? What's wrong with you?"

Yelling at him caused no cowering or other defensive reaction, he just laid there until the train began to rumble closer, "It's the only thing I have of her."

As the train roared into the station, she grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and tried to lifting him up, "C'mon… who knows when the next one will be."

Stumbling to his feet he walked beside her and once they entered the doors shut behind them leaving them as the only ones in the carriage. Sitting down exhausted after such a night Asuka was almost dismayed to see that he chose to sit next to her, watching him from the corners of her eyes she saw Nathan slip the necklace back on before sitting down on his right hand.

To her it seemed like his breathing was slow and labored, his eyes fluttered shut as he leaned back letting his head slightly slam against the window. "Mmnh." Asuka heard him moan as he started to sway before Nathan's head landed on her shoulder, "Hey." She whispered.

Bumping his head with her shoulder, making it bounce he awoke. "Hmm…what? Oh… sorry." He muttered bashfully as he scooted down the seats. "N-no worries. You shouldn't sleep just yet, you should at least wrap your hand or something before."

"Y-yeah… good thinking."

They stayed silent, swaying in their seats as the train rocked along the tracks, "You know, I didn't really thank you for saving my skin back there… so thanks Asuka… sorry I couldn't do anything. Sorry that I almost let them- "

"You don't need to go into it. Scum like them don't deserve any mercy… much less us saving their asses from the angels. You're welcome by the way…" she finished gruff and quickly looking away from him rubbing her shoulder shyly, something about his voice seemed genuine and in awe of her. She was even impressed with herself, it had been a while since she did any kind of self-defense training. But at least they were both safe.

"But you know… you kinda were a badass back there." He said, "Maybe you really are the number one pilot." He finished letting out a Pwf noise from his nose that may have been a laugh. "God I can't wait to crawl into bed and just pass out." he chuckled.

"We still have to clear out your old room and get me set up." she chuckled reminding, "Oh, man I forgot about that! Gyah, I'm so freaking tired though." He playfully whined.

"I'm tired too, ugh… I'm gonna miss my big, soft bed. Memory-foam, purple pillows, weighted blankets to keep me warm. Thinking about it kinda makes me rethink moving out." She said reminiscing almost feeling that heavy warming glow from her bed.

"But at least now… I can be in charge of myself."

"What, Misato a hard ass at home too?"

"No… she was barely there actually and the times she was… she was usually drunk."

"So why leave then?" he asked wryly.

She put her on her temple and began to stroke her hair, as if she were trying to jog her memory. "Don't know… just something I-… you know what forget it." She replied back softly fan her hand towards him, he gave back a small understanding nod in return. "How's the hand?" she asked.

Pulling his hand out from under him, both of them saw a hand that once had light brown skin now looked like it was stained with red, watered down paint. Flexing and making a fist, tiny beads of blood appeared along the thin slash, "I mean it looks like its stopping, then again I've kinda always had trouble clotting."

He kept eyeing his cut, slowly flexing and grimacing at his hand seeing the split flesh stretch and widen. Staring at each tiny red dot that bubbled up to his hand. "Hey, do you ever sometimes feel stuff?"

"What kinda stuff?" Asuka asked, narrowing her eyes, her mind already racing to decide if she should hit him and how hard.

"Like I don't stuff in the EVA? Like, that rush of power and numbness… or I guess the pain like when we get hurt fighting the angels?"

Her narrow aggressive eyes melted into a look of confusion as she raised her left eyebrow, "No… I've never felt anything like that. What other things do you feel? You sure this isn't just a case of psychological contamination like they've warned us about?"

He gave a light shrug, his left front biting the left part of his lower lip and letting his teeth drag across it. "No… you know what? I'm probably just buying too much into it, bad synch tests and stress and other things… yeah that's probably what it is."

"So, what kind of feeling do you get from the EVA?" She asked letting her curiosity led on.

"I don't know… it's kinda like the feeling I get when I'm with Rei. I just get a weird relaxing feeling, kinda like I'm weightless or in a hot bath. Like every nerve in my skin is buzzing and sending waves everywhere. Why, you asking? What kind of feeling do you get?"

She shook her head looking away from him, "Nothing like that, just forget it."

He let out a slightly annoyed sigh and turned away from her, then after a moment he said something to her. "You know Asuka, despite everything that went down tonight. It wasn't actually totally bad. I mean I could've gone without getting my hand cut but… I had a nice time."

She started to turn around slowly before looking at him eye to eye, "Really?" she asked her voice faltering between a mix of shyness and embarrassment to pride.

"Yeah, I mean once you shut up, you're pretty easy to get along with." he snickered.

"Shut up, idiot!" she laughed back slapping the upside his head lightly.

Both gave a side-splitting laugh that had them clutching their stomach and gasping for seconds after but once it had subsided both of them let their eyes drift around the empty carriage. Asuka saw Nathan looking at his hand again once more, shaking his head at his poor clotting skills.

Slipping it back under his leg he seemed to lean harder in that direction, putting more weight on it. Both of them stayed silent from then on, up until they reached the pilot's condo. Asuka ventured into the unused room and much to her delight was able to find a fresh memory foam mattress, totally unused the only thing that would make it better is if there were some purple pillows but she'd much rather have had her own bed instead of the futon mattress.

Setting her new bed up she looked up from her room to see Nathan across the hall in the bathroom sitting down on the edge of the bathtub wrapping his hand up in white medical bandages, but still from the tops of the pads a faint outline of dark red splotches could be seen.

Once he was satisfied with it, he threw away his trash and walked over to Asuka's new room, he stood there just under the threshold rubbing his right arm in a nervous unsure manner. "Uh- so hey, tomorrow I'll be sure to move my stuff into the room next door, alright?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine. Only…" Asuka finished, sitting on the top of her bed she gestured to herself showing her school clothes. "I don't really have anything to sleep in. All my stuff's back at Misato's…"

Shrugging Nathan walked in, heading over to Rei's closet which Asuka was now setting up opposite of, he dug around pulling out a night shirt and a medical gown. "I mean… I'm sure Rei wouldn't mind letting you use one of hers."

"Don't you know anything about girls, idiot? We don't just use each other's nighties!"

"I mean there isn't anything else really… just my stuff." He finished nervously, standing up Asuka shrugged, "Well I guess I'll use something of yours then… you don't mind, do you?" she asked shrewdly stretching out yoooooou.

"I mean I'd prefer you didn't but, I mean the alternative is…- "

"What!? That I sleep naked you creep?!"

"NO, NO, NO, NO! I just meant you sleep in your school clothes."

"Uh-huh. So, show me your sleeping stuff."

Letting out a sigh, Nathan rolled his eyes as he walked over to Asuka. Pulling out a spare pair of sleeping shorts and a t-shirt, taking a pair of his own he headed to his new room to change. Eyeing herself in the mirror Asuka saw that both items hung loosely from her body, but at least they did their job at covering her up. Hearing soft steps coming from the corridor Asuka turned her attention to behind herself, seeing Nathan softly stepping by she decided to see where he was headed off to.

It's not like he had anywhere important to go, and besides most of the things at the facility had to have been closed by, now right?

Waiting for the creaking of the steps to subside she creeped out of her room and crouched down almost crawling along the floor, looking over the staircase banister she saw Nathan yawning walking over to a couch that faced the front door to their condo.

Tossing the pillows to one side he stretched out laying his head down on them before covering himself up with the blanket he had been dragging behind him, for a moment he seemed to stare up at the ceiling before turning his attention to his chest. Reaching down into his shirt he pulled something out, something that was tied to a red cord that reminded her of the necktie she had to wear to school.

It was that necklace, the very same one he said Rei had given him. She watched as he set it in the palm of one of his hands before he began to finger it, letting his finger trace around its circular shape. Letting his finger drift clockwise and then counterclockwise seeming to enjoy the cold feeling of jade against his skin.

'Even when she's not here. She's still the only thing on his mind.' She thought to herself. 'I've seen the way he's glanced at her, the way he looks when he talks about her or remembers her. God, how many times did he even talk about her tonight? How many times did he imagine it was her instead of me he was stuck with?

I'm sure if she had been there with him, he could've and would've taken all those guys on in the alley. Could Kazuo ever look at me like that? Could I ever look at him like that? Could anyone ever give me that look and not want anything more from me?' she wondered.

Asuka continued to watch Nathan, until he put the necklace back under his shirt and rolled over onto his side facing the door and once it seemed that he was asleep she headed back into the room, deciding she could stay up for a bit longer decided to rifle through Rei's things.

After all, if they had to share a room, she might as well already learn more about her roomie. What she found was disappointing to say the least, the only things in Rei's wardrobe that weren't school uniforms or the one short medical gown were the small amount of outfits that she had bought during the girl's only shopping spree that Misato just had to include her in.

None of them were anything to write home about, mostly just sundresses, or skirts there was even a polo with a pair of shorts.

Losing interest in Rei's closet, Asuka decided to move her investigations over to Rei's drawers, after all most things people didn't want found were hidden somewhere in there. Some drawers were just empty, two had her undergarments and socks but then she came upon one that just had stacks of pictures in it, all of them most likely taken by that camera nerd Kenesuke.

Picking up the photo stacks she eyed each one, most of them looked like they were candids of each of the people in their "friend" group, random snapshots of Hikari and Asuka at school or just walking down the street, ones of the three idiots together. And ones that had either Rei or Nathan as the only ones in the frame. But the stack that seemed to be the most organized and cared for were the photos that had all of the kids dressed in their Yukatas for the festival.

There were loads of ones that had all of them, (except for Nathan) posing and looking almost happy, even Rei seemed to have a small smile whenever she appeared next to Shinji who had her hand in his along with a small tint of pink on his cheeks.

But then she came across the one group photo they had taken, the last and only one before Nathan walked off away for some reason before taking his swan dive ruining the night for everyone else… that was at least until that new class of angel appeared.

Looking at the photo it seemed everyone had some kind of smile no matter how big except for Nathan, he just seemed have a face that lacked a pair of lips and stared at the camera almost as if he were gazing beyond the lens and through the picture itself at whoever happened to be looking at it at the time.

But what was most off about the picture was that his face looked drawn down, having his skin pulled tightly over his skull to where it looked like he lacked a mouth. That his whole face was simply a nose and a pair of empty eyes behind a pair of glasses.

It almost sent a small shiver up her spine, but she quickly brushed it off, just her overactive imagination.

Still though, it seemed he didn't like to or hardly showed emotions. It was like he was playing things close to the chest, not wanting other people to see what was really going on in his head… Asuka would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't guilty of doing the same thing.

But there were some moments that it looked like he was letting something or someone else bleed through, after all there was that moment where he was giving her praise for saving the both of them. He even smiled at her, it was the same kind of smile he had on his face whenever he talked about Rei.

So, was that smile even really for her? It seemed like she was the only thing his mind for the whole night, no doubt Nathan was just thinking how much better the night would've been if it had been Rei instead of her, Asuka thought to herself.

If it had been Rei with him when those guys jumped us, he probably could've taken them all on and not even break a sweat. Just then something caught Asuka's eye, a tiny stack at the very back of the drawer that was hidden behind the other taller stacks.

Pulling them out, the photos seemed to be crudely taped together. Asuka could plainly see the rips and tears hidden beneath the clear tape that joined the two different pictures, on one she could plainly see Rei alone and in the other would be Nathan.

Some pictures even had one of their arms torn off and were folded together before being bound by layers of tape, maybe trying to give the illusion that they were hugging, or he had his arm wrapped around her tiny figure.

Asuka huffed, to her these taped together pictures looked nothing more than the photos some dumb girl with a crush would make. The kind that only some girl that was totally obsessed with some random boy or idol, nothing more than just some stupid cheesy pictures, made by a girl who was thinking too deep into their relationship but still…

Asuka couldn't help but think of the faces he would make when it came to her, even how he just talked about Rei or if he even caught a small glance of her. Those looks of pure reverence and warmth.

Discarding the photos back into their drawer Asuka let out a small yawn, by now she was getting immensely disappointed with her findings, none of the things she had found made her see Rei in a new or better light. And nothing so far nothing peaked enough of Asuka's interest to see if there wasn't a way, she could use it against the couple.

She felt like giving up, but now she was too bored and disappointed for sleep and continuing on with her search was now just seeming like a chore. But something inside her head kept scratching underneath her scalp, urging her to go on besides what else was she going to do? Nathan was sleeping and probably sleeping heavily so there wasn't any use in bugging him, sleep seemed to difficult and by now most of the amenities and other things in the facility had to be closed for the night.

Maybe she could see what was on TV, but sighing she got to opening the next drawer hoping for something of use or something that could amuse her. But what she found made her chest tighten and face burn with embarrassment, looking into the drawer she saw dozens of foil squares and circles, all radiating gold or other mesmerizing colors that looked like precious gems.

"And you said the two of you don't use protection… pervert." She said rolling her eyes, sinking her hand into the drawer that was filled to the brim with condom packs she couldn't help but think the whole thing looked like a treasure chest, the kind you would see in a child's cartoon. Filled with gold coins, glistening pearls, and pockets of glowing gemstones.

Something then took over her, Asuka gave a quick glance over her shoulder to see if she was being watched, all she could think about was her date with Kazuo and what kind of dumb face he would make if she showed him this newfound treasure.

In all honesty she could just ditch her date with him tomorrow night, even if the thought of going to some night club seemed just a tad bit fun. All she would have to do to get back on his good side was just send a racy photo or a picture of all of these promising him that he could use as many as he wanted to.

Besides his texts seemed to focus around that one thing anyways, maybe it was also partially her fault, going so far with him on the third floor at school. But it was that pursuit of getting with her that kept him around, maybe back then she felt reenergized or something now thinking back she felt nothing.

She thought about how Kazuo looked at her, thinking about his eyes she couldn't help but think about how it was as if he were looking at a piece of meat. Then, she thought about Nathan and Rei, how he seemed to melt with bliss just even thinking about her, the sound of his voice buzzing with love. She tried to imagine Nathan's face, how his brown cheeks blushed ever so slightly, the soft way his head would dip down as if he were embarrassed, the small lift of the sides of his lips and the way his eyes shimmered in any amount of light as if he was going to cry in joy at just being in the presence of his lover or the simple fact he was able to hear her name.

"Why does she get to have that? Don't I deserve to feel that too? Why is the doll so lucky?"

Asuka shut her eyes, getting a mental picture of Kazuo in her head she tried to imagine it morphing into that loving, longing look that she had seen on Nathan's face. But whenever Kazuo's face was half-way done changing into that smile it was just turn into a shapeless blob that could never resemble a human face.

Then she would only see the template of Nathan's face she had saved in her mind, and she would be reminded that that look on his face was for Rei, and Rei only… reminded that no one would ever look at her that way. Even Shinji the countless times she had tried to get some reaction out of him seemed more fearful of her than interested couldn't even bare to look at her at all.

Closing the drawer with a handful of condoms Asuka shoved the shining foil packages into the pockets of her uniform before crawling into the piles of blankets that lay atop of her new bed mat. She tried to close her eyes and force herself to fall into a deep sleep, but the more she tried it seemed as if her mind would fire up being alarmed by the tiniest sounds, whether it was the dripping of a faucet or the buzzing from the AC unit that hung in the corner of the room.

Maybe one thing that was bothering her was the lack of noise, even if it was unbearable back at Misato's place there was always the droning of cicadas. Here inside the Geo-front there was nothing, it was so empty like a hospital room, if she was quiet enough, she swore she could hear Nathan's breathing from downstairs.

She twisted side to side, pulling at the sheets and pillows bunching them up against her chest and face trying to find some comfortable way of falling asleep but so far nothing seemed to work. Taking a pillow, she hugged it close to her body, and somewhere in the back of her mind she imagined she was holding her tiny doll or stuffed monkey and another part of her mocked and berated herself for wanting or needing a child's toy to fall asleep.

She pulled the covers over her tighter, bunching the sheets and pillows up near her chest, but all this did was just push up his shirt towards her nose and with every breath she would only take in his musk and the mind buzzing smell of LCL, the smell of an Evangelion pilot.

Focusing on the smell of LCL, she felt her eyes flutter shut and her mind go blank as she was coated with a warm buzzing glow and then it felt as if it had only been a few seconds in between her eyes blinking shut but when they opened, it was already daylight out.

Shinji felt his legs throbbing with pain that radiated up his legs, he tried opening his eyes but something obstructed his vision, either that or he was so physically worn out that even opening his eyes had become too much of a chore.

The soles of his feet buzzed as if he had razors and needles moving down every bit of flesh, he tried to flex or move them and his ears were only met with the dry cracking of bone, ligaments and cartilage popping as if they were being used for the first time.

Groaning he began to feel around his surroundings with his bare hands, he felt something soft underneath his chest like a cushion, but his back felt heavy as if there were many objects pressing their ways through him and out his chest but there was a warming comfort behind it all. Letting his hands drift up his face he pulled off a rag soaked with warm water off of his face, the cool air like tiny bits of ice cubes being sprinkled onto him.

Groaning and gritting his teeth he tried to push himself up, but before his chest could lift up off the ground, he heard an alarmed voice coming from behind him and the rush of footsteps stamping across tatami mats. "Whoa, whoa, take it easy kid. You've been through a lot… just stay there… let the hot stones do their work."

Shinji felt a small cold shock through his body as fingers touch his shoulders, setting him back on the ground. Shinji tried straining his neck to get a glimpse of who it was behind him talking and comforting him, the skin on his tingled back as they put the hot stones back in their places and began to rub them deeply but with care into his body. "Tell me where it hurts." The low voice asked.

"My neck, and I guess my lower back but mostly in my legs…"

The stranger let out a slight laugh, "Yeah, obviously your legs are going to hurt. How long were you walking for? When I found you, your shoes were soaked with blood, and your feet were just covered in blisters."

"Oh…" shinji moaned nervously, "Sorry you had to see that."

"Don't worry too much, I've seen worse. There how's that?"

The stranger put more hot rocks along Shinji's shoulders, and shoulder blades, laying down a row of them from the base of his neck and down his spine. Taking a hot rock in each hand, they began to rub the smooth sleek object into the tense throbbing flesh of Shinji's calves. He inadvertently let out a sigh of relief and before he knew it his eyes shut of their own accord.

For once Shinji felt relaxed beyond comprehension, even though all his muscles buzzed and pulsated along with his heart, it was strangely comforting and eventually the pain in his legs had begun to fade away almost like he was floating or swimming through water.

Taking a breath in he smelt incense, with each new breath it seemed to steady his heart and slow it down to where each beat it let out seemed to vibrate his entire body. "So, uh-… what am I doing here exactly. I- I don't remember anything about meeting you sorry."

"Well I can't blame you for not remembering you seemed to be really out of it. I just found you wandering around at the park, I just thought you were a drunk drifter type kid but then you collapse. Turns out you were dehydrated but don't worry I made sure you got your fluids back in you." The voice said in a cutesy way that made Shinji's heart speed up, he could feel his whole-body flush red with embarrassment.

"And how did you do that?" he asked a little afraid but also dying to know how his nurse brought him back from what it sounds like near death

"Squeeze bottle." With those simple words Shinji could just tell that his savior was smiling, as the hand continued to rub his hair, he felt his eyes flutter.

"So, what I'm curious to know is why haven't you asked where are you now?"

Shinji's eyes shot open wide, "How did-…."

"How did I know you're not a local?"

Shinji let out an Un grunt of acknowledgement, "Sorry to say this but I kinda went through your bag, to search for an ID or a medical bracelet or something to let me know who you were and how to help."

The man let out a chuckle that might have been slightly impressed, "Man, to leave Tokyo and walk all the way to Yokohama, there must be a good reason why you chose to do that."

"So… I'm in Yokohama?"

"Maybe a little further south… we're near the opening to Tokyo bay. So, was it?"

"What?"

"The reason for leaving Tokyo and heading here, was it a good reason?"

Shinji sighed wearily and stared at the floor, seeing a shadow stretching out near him, a figure that looked to be a foot or so taller than him. It looked like the body of an older college student or a younger adult.

"I- I don't know it felt like a good reason but… I guess you could say I had other ones too, only… this time I'm not sure if there's anything that could've convinced me to stay. Now I just want to leave this place…"

"Tokyo… Yokohama… Japan? What place?"

"I don't really know." Shinji said continuing to let himself melt into the floor in pure relaxation, but the thought of it all began to seep back in. His father calling out to him, just to force him back into the EVA, when it seemed that Asuka wanted to comfort from him but it turned out she was just using him for her own means while she had her boyfriend on the phone.

When he caught Rei and Nathan together while he was supposedly together with Rei himself. Those looks, touches and kisses they peppered each other with, how Rei the look she gave him with a deeper look of affection than the one she gave him dwarfed the look of affection she had given to Shinji himself or his father.

Those feelings and memories coming back just made him feel heavier, and colder. Even the warm rocks on his back being rubbed in by those fingers that were like silk compared to Rei or Asuka's did nothing to bring him any comfort. He just laid there like a dying slug, his chest felt pain like it was caving in.

Just then a small ding could be heard, "Oh, I guess that's dinner."

"Dinner?"

"Of course, what kind of nurse would I be if I didn't at least feed my patient? I'll go plate everything now."

Shinji felt his heart twitch as his nurse patted his head. Once all the rocks were lifted off of his back Shinji felt lighter, but only by a fraction. He still struggled to push himself up, only managing to lift his chest up. Before he could turn his head to see his nurse, he heard the voice say, "There's a change of clothes on the chair, just come on down when you're ready."

The door slid closed, leaving Shinji along in the room. Taking his time, he slowly got up to find the lower part of his shins and the soles of his feet were wrapped in gauze and to his embarrassment he was only wearing his boxer briefs. Looking around he didn't find his own clothes the only think he had to wear was an indigo yukata with a light grey cord that was neatly folded for him to use.

"Well at least I won't be under dressed." He muttered hopeless, feeling a little uneasy about having been undressed by someone who he hadn't even seen yet, but when he tried to imagine the face that had command over those soft, comforting fingers he couldn't help but feel a little heat burning in his chest at the possible beauty of his savior.

Letting out an uneasy sigh he tried to settle his nerves as he sucked up his rail thin body, pulling the belt tight around his narrow waist. Eyeing himself in a nearby mirror he saw that the yukata seemed to hang loosely from his body, at least from his shoulders showing off his collarbone.

Wetting his lips nervously and exhaled as he slid the door open and walked down the hall following the scent of food drifting up from the third floor.

The wooden staircase creaked as Shinji walked down the winding staircase and just hallway down, he was greeted with a window that let a faint bright blue light shine through the glass, making Shinji squint. Once his eyes adjusted to the bright glowing light, he made out the words Onsen on an old wooden sign. So, he was at a hot spring resort or an old inn, well if he had to rest somewhere for at least the night there were worst places to crash.

And with the way his muscles throbbed, he felt like he could use a hot soak.

'Yeah… a nice dinner and a hot bath, whoever this person is they seem nice enough. Maybe I should ask them about staying here a while.' Shinji thought to himself. Resuming his descent, he wondered what kind of life he would live if he was allowed to stay.

Maybe he could make an argument for being the cook or doing any cleaning and upkeep duties. Making it down to the third floor he saw the small living room area with a clear view of the kitchen, in the center was a small table filled with entrees of soba noodles, sizzling meaty dishes, rice and stir fry. Just the sight alone was enough to make his stomach rumble in anticipation, and the smell made him drool like an eager dog.

Looking up from the tempting dishes he saw a broad figure in the kitchen with their back to him, with short cut hair. It seemed to be an off-flax color, and as Shinji stepped closer, he was able to see that his skin was slightly fair.

Shinji walked into the living room and once he was in the middle of it he uneasy lifted his fist to his mouth and cleared his throat, seeing the person snapped to attention and slowly begin to turn around he felt his legs shaking and his chest as well as his cheeks start to burn. Suddenly under the yukata he felt both freezing and as if he were burning up.

"If I forgot to say it… thanks for putting up with me and doing all of this." He said shyly hoping his voice wasn't cracking or wavering, waiting in anticipation to see who exactly had saved him. "No worries, it was my pleasure. I don't know how I could've lived with myself if I hadn't helped you… Shinji Ikari." The voice said, putting an odd emphasis on his name that made Shinji's heart swell up and sink within his chest.

As they said his name the figure turned around, and gave him a smile as his eyes closed, giving Shinji a smile where one side of his mouth was upward before flatling at the other corner of his lip. The guy that stood before him seemed to be a little older than a college guy maybe just a few years older but not as quite up there as Misato.

"Something wrong?" the man asked puzzled walking over with a small tray of sushi that glistened in the light, "Well?" he asked almost with an air of mischief in it as if he knew what was going through Shinji's mind. Taking off his apron he cast folded it up and tossed it behind him where Shinji could see the outlines of muscle on the man as his shirt clung to his body even when he wasn't flexing. "Uh… nothing! Nothing's wrong, just uh-… everything looks good. It's just it's not that often someone cooks for me." He confessed bashfully.

Hoping to divert the conversation from his shyness, and the tension he was no doubt building up. "Well happy to hear that, I was afraid I had gone overboard. I'm embarrassed to say but I had to go into my inn's private stock to make us this."

'So, this is an inn.' Shinji thought to himself wondering the kinda of life he would have as a live-in employee, "You didn't have to go to that trouble." Shinji replied in a mix of flattery and embarrassment, "I don't want to an inconvenience or anything to you." He finished as he moved towards the cushion resting his knees on it.

"No trouble at all, in fact I'm kind of glad this happened. I hardly ever get to cook anymore, mostly it's the cook's work here. I just end up usually walking into town for most meals."

The stranger sat across from Shinji at his spot at the small table, crossing one leg while stretching the other out, seeing this guy so under dressed while he was arguably overdressed Shinji couldn't help but feel a little out of place wearing this yukata. Giving a little bow Shinji pressed his hands together, "Thank you for the meal."

Shinji then clenched his stomach hoping to stop any possible rumbling, as he gathered a small bowl filling it up little by little with pieces of each dish. "You're not gonna be rude. Go on and dig in, to me it seems like you haven't eaten in almost forever."

The look in Shinji's eye was comparable to a street dog who had just be offered his twice his weight in Kobe beef, he set his bowl down for a moment as it seemed his mind tried to wrap itself around the fact he had just been presented this mouthwatering feast and was given no limits.

Taking a thick pinch of noodles he shoved them in his mouth, followed by cuts of meat, shredded and fried vegetables, then just as his cheeks began to swell up like a chipmunk's and he could hardly chew the wet mass of food that he was savoring its intoxicating mix of flavor he would reach for a piece of fatty tuna nigiri and slip it into the last unoccupied zone in his mouth.

He let out a shuddering groan of pleasure as he managed to swallow the lump of food, and already his stomach greedily rumbled for more. "Sorry…" Shinji bemoaned just barely above his angry stomach.

"It's okay." The man laughed, covering his smile letting his palm rest above his slightly pointed chin, letting out a sigh he continued, "My old college roommate was a sumo wrestler so I'm used to cooking big portions, besides seeing someone dig into your meal like they've never eaten before isn't a bad feeling. To be honest I think it's' the biggest compliment a chef can get."

Shinji heard his words just as he was wrapping coils of noodles and vegetables around a mountain of rice and meat, setting his things down he tried to remember the last time he had cooked for someone, did they even show any appreciation? Did their faces even light up seeing him bring over the plates?

"Hey Shinji, something wrong?"

"Oh, its… its nothing. You know I never got your name." he said trying to hide the emotion in his voice, remembering how when Asuka had asked him to cook for her, just a plain bowl of miso soup to help her get over her sickness how he pushed her to the ground. How hurt and scared she seemed.

"It's Shuya." He replied back coolly, picking up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and throwing it into his mouth. "Oh, your first name? I was thinking you'd have me call you by your family name."

"Don't worry Shinji, I still feel guilty about digging through your things and finding your school ID. So, if I'm on a first name basis with you, only fair thing is that you call me by my first name."

"I guess you have a point." He said, being reminded of the very same causal nature Ms. Misato had but then again, she might have done that for a different reason entirely. "So, uh you said this was an inn?" Shinji asked trying to move on the conversation.

"Yeah, nothing too special, there's a couple other ones around the area but mine's one of the oldest. It's been in my family for generations, my father tried to sell it when we moved into the city but… I don't know something about being out here away from big city life is a little relaxing. I was supposed to be a part of my father's company and work as an overseas rep for him, but I traded all that prestige and wealth for everything you see around you."

"What did he say? Your father? Did he try to do anything to get you to stay?"

"Well, I mean of course he was upset Shinji what dad wouldn't be? There he was thinking how the two of us were going to run this company together and how he'd groom me into becoming a millionaire but… that life he wanted for me. The job and duties, none of it was me. I just didn't feel happy, I felt trapped in that position he put me in."

Shinji had long since stopped eating and seemed to lean in on his cushion, instead eating every word Shuya let out. "But one day I just asked to sit him down and… let him know how I felt."

"And what did he do about that?"

Shuya shrugged and smiled in and sad manner, "The day we were supposed to meet he got into a car wreck. I got left the company which I sold off, then I moved out here. I'd like to think he'd be happy that I'm happy but… I guess that's life."

"Sorry to hear about that." Shinji said lowering his head, feeling ashamed about his eagerness to learn about his father.

"It was years ago, but you kinda seemed eager to hear about it. Think you can relate to it? That why you ran away?"

Shinji instantly felt his insides turn cold, "I- I don't know… maybe a little. But that wasn't the reason why I ran away at least… not this time."

"Then why?", Shuya tilted his head resting his chin on his left palm. "It's alright, you can tell me."

"Um… you sure it's okay? I mean I don't see why you'd be interested in my problems. It's not like anyone back home cared enough about me or what I was going through… or at least most of them, I think."

"Besides…" he continued, remembering the way Asuka had tried to use him, the way she tried to lead him on and make him think that she could have any kind of feelings for him. Even if that were true, why would she have to be drunk?

But what maybe hurt the most was how, for a second when he was allegedly in a relationship with Rei and that she cared for him and genuinely liked him to some degree. In secret, she and Nathan were already in some kind of relationship… one where they shared looks and touches that Shinji himself could only dream of and want so desperately. One that he was a part of with her, where he thought he could be the only one she smiled at with such a look that he couldn't help but feel something well up inside his chest, like she was reawakening some missing feelings or part of himself.

That he could feel Rei's eyes gazing into his heart, looking past his eyes with her own and offering a small comforting smile that showed whatever was there she could see some part of Shinji that she liked and that comforted her.

"The more I think about the people back there, the more it hurts. And the further away I want to be."

"You know even if it hurts the only way to get rid of that pain is to talk about it. Otherwise you'll just end up carrying all that weight yourself."

Shinji settled down further back. Already the backs of his legs began to feel fuzzy as icicles and ants bit and stab at the clusters of nerves he had. His shoulders began to tremble as if he had a chill or was going to cry, already the treatments he was given were slowly beginning to wear off.

He would've already started to cry had he not been in the presence of another man and his head wasn't beginning to hurt so much.

"Sorry but, I'm just not ready for that." He murmured slightly, giving the food a once last look he felt sick, the dry feeling of bile caking and drying like a flaky cement in his mouth. His nerves began to twitch all over as if they were alive and were wrapping themselves around one another, squeezing tightly like a knot before unraveling and falling apart from one another.

His whole body throbbed and buzzed with a prickly stabbing feeling as if he were covered in cockroaches and they were all swarming his entire being, their dry chiton spines stabbing into his body as they irritated every inch of his skin as they made their way down his throat.

"I'm not hungry anymore…"

"Oh, okay. Yeah, you kinda ate fast so I'm sure that was it." Shuya's voice seemed to lose its pep and sound disappointed, but even as the words left his mouth Shinji was positive that even Shuya didn't believe his own words.

With his head slightly tilting down, Shinji was able to pick up the slight rankness and musk of his own body, making his nose curl. "Sorry to ask this but, would it be possible for me to shower up here somewhere?"

"Yeah, tell you what just head on down to the first floor and follow the signs. You can go ahead and use the Onsen. Maybe that'll help you feel better, besides with the stars and the moon out… it's a nice night. No matter how you feel nothing should at least stop you from enjoying that."

Shinji gave a small and polite bow with his head, thanking Shuya again for the meal and putting up with him. Traveling down the stairs and exploring the first floor of the Inn as he made his way to the showers, he was surprised to see that it really was just him and Shuya. He didn't peek into the rooms, but from the hallways, the little living space near the check in desk and even the small garden with a small cherry blossom tree in the center of a square shaped gap between the main building and the showers where the Onsen lay it looked peaceful.

The scent and creaking of the old wood under his feet, the slight rustling crinkle of the shoji paper doors as the wind or AC units blew a small current on them. The glow off the orange bulbs inside the paper lanterns, even the annoying drone of the cicadas seemed to bring about some sense of relaxation. For a second there he thought he could hear the soft chirping of crickets too.

He took in the sounds of the night for as long as he could before continuing his walk over to the bathing area and once he arrived he removed his Yukata and slipped it into a random cupboard before grabbing his two towels, even though he was alone he wrapped the longer towel around his waist and wrapped his modesty towel around his hand and held it near his chest, refolding them and placing them both on a dry spot of cobblestone inside the bathing area with the blue tiles, he went through the whole routine.

Splashing warm water on himself, shuddering a little at the feeling trying to relax and not compare the feeling to once having stepped on an ant hill and feeling them all crawl on his legs right before they started to bite and sting him simultaneously. Remembering the odd pulsating feeling of heat that started to build up in his ankle before it traveled up the knee into the thigh and up into his heart, sending that hot aching poison into his heat.

For a second before he looked down into all the hundreds of ants crawling all over him, their crawling and biting almost felt good, like a nice and fuzzy feeling of warmth that was tickling his spine and compelling to let his legs fall from beneath him.

Then he headed over to the shower station, sitting on a small stool he began to wash his hair and slather on the body soap before taking the gun and spraying the studs off of his small and frail body. He watched the once white suds take on a color that was almost black but just a hair under it cloud around his small frame and wash away swirling down the drain.

The cloud of stink that was hovering around him and clinging to his very skin began to slid off along with the thin layer of grime that dug into him like a nasty parasite, even if the complimentary pumps of conditioner, body soap and shampoo were free of any fragrances and left shinji smelling like nothing it was preferable than having a dense cloud of sweat and stink from the city that has been building upon him.

But even after seemingly scrubbing himself clean with an exfoliating glove, rubbing the soap into his skin until it was red and raw he still felt dirty, he dug his fingernails into his scalp until it felt like they were cutting crescent shaped scratches into his skin.

Shinji let his hands fall from his head as he began to slowly rinse off, but he still held up one of his hands to his face. The fading clump of suds that was slowly washing off it turned into a thin whitish watery substance that reminded him of his last night in Tokyo 3. The night when his suspicions finally got the best of him and he hid in the closet that was in the condo built for the EVA pilots deep in the NERV facility. When he saw Rei and Nathan, together and the things they had been doing behind his back.

All he could think of was how he took matters into his own hands, watching the two of them hold one another, smile, kiss, and look at one another as if they were the first thing they had ever laid eyes on and as if they had been childhood flames for the entirety of their existences.

He thought about back to the time he had forced himself on Rei, how he had felt her up and touched her, like he was a shy child feeling up a mannequin rather than a man caressing a flesh and blood, woman. How he let into those desires of his, the ones he felt back when he toppled on top of Rei and had touched her breast the first time.

The ones that compelled him to see how far he could've gone without her saying "stop" or "no".

He remembered how he had kissed her and felt her up on top of the school, the buzzing warmth his brain felt for that brief moment before he went to their room back at NERV and saw the two of them together.

He slowly shut his eyes and thought about the two of them, letting the thoughts of them bubble up to the surface just before they disappeared, hoping those feelings somehow ate their way up through his skin and went into to the bubbles that were building up before being washed off and sucked down the drain.

Once the last clump of suds had been washed off, Shinji dried himself off and headed off to the hot spring. Seeing the water cascading off of the waterfall, streaming into the pool where the steam could be seen coming off the rippling surface in a thick white cloud. As soon as Shinji took his first steps into the pool and the water went touched his ankles, he let out a relaxing sigh, and quickly stepped in almost stumbling down the steps until the water was at his waist.

Folding up his modesty cloth he set it on his head and settled down taking a seat and stretching out in the water, already he could feel the small buzzing warmth of the water sending ripples of comfort throughout his body. He could feel his skin almost hum and vibrate as if he were getting goosebumps, but with each deep breath he took he felt his whole body start to go numb.

Looking up at the night sky he could see the moon gleaming in the dark sky like a freshly shined silver coin, and already the stars were starting to pop out like tiny pinpricks. Each one slowly coming through the bluish inky sky, little trails of light shooting out from them. Soon they started to pop in small clusters until it seemed everywhere Shinji looked the sky was littered with stars. After a while he swore, he even began to see small colored balls of light start to appear as well.

Some of them even appeared to be slowly moving across the vast night sky, squinting he further saw that some of them had small trailing tails behind them, it had just occurred to him that he had never in his life seen a shooting star. He had heard that you were supposed to make a wish once you saw it but now that he had just seen one before his very eyes… he had no idea what to wish for.

He tried to think of something that would make him happy, but his mind would eventually drift off to thoughts of Rei and Asuka, the thoughts of them being atop him, holding him and kissing him. Whispering his name in his ear, but then he would just remember that when he had kissed both of the girls, one had cheated on him and the other was using him as something to pass the time with, something to cheat on someone else with.

But neither of them had those feelings, he just wished that they did.

He watched the distant shooting star, slowly blinking and when his eyes opened up once again the star had already disappeared, either flying somewhere else or disappearing into another group of stars.

He sighed, closing his eyes deciding to focus on the warming comfort of the water, something about it felt familiar, before he noticed it his legs were tightly crossed and scooting closer to his body as he nestled himself up into a small patch of rocks that let his body mold into the cracks. Holding his arms close to his chest he looked around the hot spring, eyeing the small red shrine, the patches of flowers surrounding a small bonsai tree.

The small wooden bridges that curved over the small streams of water from the over-flowing water. The stone lanterns, he wondered how Mr. Shuya was able to handle the upkeep from what sounded like a small staff of people, there was something about all of the decorations and garden that was calming.

If it weren't for the distant buzzing of a lone car, and the lights of a small town over the walls, and the occasional modern piece of technology like the small phone charging station and Bluetooth speaker set he would have thought he was in the Edo period.

A small thought began to wiggle into the top of Shinji's scalp, he wondered what life would be like here in this inn, just seeing the scenery and hearing the small orchestral of cicadas and crickets was relaxing. Even the trickling bubbling of the water filling up the hot spring pool was enough to try and convince him to stay, not just in the water but in the building as well.

To smell the old wood, hear it creak under his footsteps, have his fingers touch the old shoji doors, just every little thing about this place seemed to make him want to stay, it was like a small little paradise that was frozen in time to sometime less complicated.

One where he could focus on simple tasks, whether it was gardening, cooking for guests and looking after their rooms or just sanding and washing the floors.

A place and time where he wouldn't have to worry about dying inside the EVA locked away from anyone or everybody else, one where no one could force him to do things he was afraid of.

Out of every single thought that had ran through his mind of late, living and working at the Inn seemed to be the most realistic and the one that could make Shinji happy.

Just then he heard the sloshing of water and looking across the water barely hidden by the steam he saw Shuya wading into the water. Already waist deep Shinji was staring right into the clean edged cut abdominals of Shuya, he couldn't help to notice the man didn't carry a modesty cloth with him, instead it was already folded resting on his head.

"Hope you don't mind if I join you." Shuya's voice cut through Shinji's thoughts.

"No- no- no of course not." He said blushing, looking down at the water nervously, after all it was Shuya's place.

"Ahhh!" Shuya let out a satisfied moan of contentment as he leaned back in the water, stretching his legs out forward and wrapping his fingers around the back of his head making his muscles pop out, where his shoulders began and his biceps ended Shinji couldn't be sure of but what he did know was whatever bulky flesh that was popping out that region seemed to cover up his ears.

"Beautiful, aren't they? The stars I mean. You can't get a view like that back in Tokyo, can you?"

"Yeah, I was just watching them. It's the first time I've ever seen anything like that."

"So, you feeling better? More relaxed?"

Shinji slowly uncurled from his spot hidden in the rocks and took his old spot back, sinking further below the water to his shoulders he let his chin bob just above the water. "Yeah, yeah I'm feeling a little better. I don't know, maybe it's just this place… there's something about it."

"Yeah this place does have something special about it." He let his arms fall from behind his head and sink into the water, there it was again the sloshing of water, Shinji looked over to Shuya who scooted closer over to him. To a small patch of rocks that formed a small wall between the two of them, laying an arm out on the top of it he stretched out.

Resting his chin on his fist he tilted his head staring at Shinji who by now had buried his hands into his lap and had his thin arms crossed over his chest.

"You feel like telling me what was eating you back there. It seemed like you had a lot on your mind. So, tell me… what makes a boy end up here from Tokyo by foot?"

Shinji turned his head over to Shuya, who now had his arms crossed over one another resting his chin on his forearms. Staring intensely at him, but there was no hint of aggression or anything else forceful in his eyes. There was something else, that he felt like he had seen once before in someone else's eyes, but he couldn't remember their name.

He looked away back down into the water, "Sorry but I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. Besides my problems are my own, nobody cared about them back there so why would you?"

"Well why wouldn't I? Just because people back there let you down doesn't mean I'm going to Shinji. You can tell me I may not have gone through what you did but I'd like to think I'm capable of helping you."

Shuya shifted through the water maneuvering around the small rocky patch he was resting on, sitting closer to Shinji but noticing the boy tense up and raising his shoulders, letting his head sink down he leaned back into the same patch of rocks behind him crossing his legs. "Besides what kind of Inn keeper would I be if I didn't look after the well-being of my guests?"

"Y- you really do that?" Shinji asked, still feeling a tinge of uneasiness even after somewhat sensing the honest authenticity of Shuya's voice.

He nodded silently in response before looking away back up to the Inn and then to beyond the fence that rested just behind the small waterfall that fed the pool the two of them rested in. "When I first started running the Inn, it seemed like all I could focus on was keeping the old place going. I didn't make much time to really know or even talk to the guests. For a while that's all I did, just work and keep things running."

He let out a long weary sigh then, and it looked like his face had just aged a decade. His eyes that seemed so colorful and bright darkened as if they were changing color, and small bags started to sag from beneath his eyes.

"Then one day I just noticed how many people from the city seemed to come by here. They'd just have a small bag or suitcase, only enough things it looked like for one night. By the next morning they'd already be gone. One day I don't know why I ended up walking in the woods… just past the fence." He gestured with his finger, pointing past the trees and the hill.

"I don't know how it took me so long to see it."

"See what?"

"That I could've helped a lot of people if I just was there for them. Didn't matter if they were a guest, a friend or a family member. From that day I decided that I'd never let someone carry the weight of all their burdens by themselves. No matter the problem or how they felt others would treat their problems. Trust me whatever the problem is, you're not gonna be a burden or anything. Besides, I've seen what carrying all that weight can do to a person."

Shinji listened to the sincerity of his voice and looked down back at the shimmering, rippling water and saw the moon's reflection in the clear pool. It's white shape almost took up the entire surface of the water, the milk white color brought back the memories of Rei, of him cradling her in his arms when the first angel Sachiel attacked. How cold her skin felt, but how hot her blood was.

Her shuddering cries of pain, how her limp body seemed to cling to his grasp. How pretty she looked in the moonlight standing by Unit 00, the sad and empty look of her eyes but how they changed to an almost shy and happy warmth when they touched fingers slightly when he made her miso soup.

The feel of her small and slender fingers in her plug suit stretching out and holding onto his palm before slowly wrapping themselves around his hand, the small smile with brimming eyes. But then he remembered that there was someone else who go those same looks, someone else who she smiled at and gave her warm touch to.

"Back at Tokyo… there was someone. A girl, Rei. The two of us are… a part of something big and one day after getting the nerve up to ask her. She decided to go out with me, and things were going okay. I'm not totally sure of what I feel for her, but I thought I loved her, and I thought she felt the same. But there was something special about her that I never felt from anybody ever before."

"So, what happened?"

Shinji took a small breath, his heart trembling and feeling like ice in his chest. Images of Rei and Nathan wrapping their arms and bodies around one another flashed in his mind, the looks of utter devotion and comfort as they kissed and held one another.

Even when their eyes were closed, their smiles even though small radiated pure bliss as she held and comforted him, letting him rest his head on her chest and the way her eyes misted and fluttered as he kissed her.

"I had a friend, but now I'm not even sure if I can still call him that. I'm not even for how long it was going on for but, him and Rei were getting together behind my back. But it wasn't the fact that she cheated and slept with him that hurt me the most."

He took a quick glance back to the water, seeing his reflection staring back at him he saw tiny shining diamond-like dots building up from under his eyes before falling and hitting the still surface of the water, sending out tiny ripples.

"She once gave me this look. And I don't know, for some funny reason that was the first time in a while that I ever remembered the feeling of my heart beating in my chest. And I felt like no matter what was going on around me, as long as I could see her give me that smile, I could still feel some kind of connection with someone else. One that only we could share."

He squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to stop any tears from escaping. Taking in a breath he felt himself tremble and despite being in the hot water, Shinji still felt a small cold tremble rock his body. "But then I saw the two of them together, behind my back. And they looked like they knew what they were doing, and those looks they gave one another. For a second it looked like she was giving him the same old look she once gave me but, there was something more in it."

In his mind flashed images of Rei looking at him, sometimes she was smiling just that faint thin pencil line smile, and then how she looked at Nathan and the small glances and looks that they seemed to have shared, one where they just silently gaze into one another's eyes.

"For the longest time I thought that she loved me or could only see me but… those looks she gave him, something about it hurt my chest. Like I knew deep down whatever I got was a fraction of what he was seeing and able to experience. And that she'd never look at me or have the same feelings for me as she does for him."

Shinji finished his recollection of the last few days, he wasn't sure if he was even going to talk about everything that happened with Asuka. All he heard was the water shifting and looking over to Shuya he saw him sit up right, silently nodding and taking in Shinji's whole situation. He wet his lips slowly before speaking.

"I'm sorry for all that Shinji, sorry you had to find about your girlfriend like that. It sounds like she was really special to you."

Shinji nodded subtly, "Yeah… she is. And it hurts… even just the thought about having to be near her or even see her hurts too much for me to bear."

"So, you thought running away would solve it all? You didn't think about sitting them down and talking, I know it'd be awkward and painful but it's something you'd have to do sooner or later. And what did running away solve anyways?"

He sat there silently in the water for a moment, slowly any emotion on his face melting away as his skin started to sag, finally Shinji replied. "Nothing, I still feel the same again. But still not having to be around them and see them day after day feels better than just the thought of still living there. Besides, she didn't end up loving me, he just stabbed me in the back and Asuka just used me because she was bored."

"Asuka?" Shuya asked confused, "Forget it, I shouldn't have mentioned her sorry. She's a different situation."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know, she only does stuff like that when she's bored or when she was drunk anyways. She's never shown me any genuine feelings. Now that I think about it, I don't think anybody really has."

"So now you're just deciding to run away from everybody, even the people who've never hurt you?"

"They just haven't had a chance to hurt me yet."

"So, you're just deciding to cut everyone loose now? You're just shutting everybody out? Even if later on they might try to apologize and better their connections to you?"

No longer wanting to speak Shinji just nodded in silence, his modestly cloth falling limply off his head into the water. "Shinji I'm truly sorry for everything you've gone through, especially the things you feel like you can't tell me about. But you can't just shut the world and everybody in it out, trying to live through everything by yourself. You'll just end up tearing yourself apart, it's better just to leave the door to your heart open. Sure, if you do that, you're also going to leave it possible for pain to come through but think about everybody in your life… didn't they all at one point make it better?"

Shinji thought back to all the little moments he shared with each of them, some good but more often than not it seemed that there were bad moments or at least the bad moments were more at the forefront. "I guess… maybe, each in their own ways."

"See, even if people sometimes end up hurting you, sometimes the best thing to do is remember the good moments you had with them. After that, it's ultimately up to you to decide what to do but remember this Shinji. You mustn't ever close the door to your heart, because if you do, you'll also deny any goodness from getting in not just pain. Someday trust me, someone else will come along and fill that empty spot you fill."

"How do you know?" Shinji asked his voice small and shaky.

"I've gone through something similar and trust me it's always better to leave that door open, the warmth of your heart alone can't sustain you. Trust me I spent a lot of my years alone and cold, the best thing you can do is to leave that door open eventually someone will come along."

"Are you sure though?"

Shuya let out a small chuckle, "Yeah trust me Shinji, there must be someone you still have some kind of high opinion of. Am I right?"

He silently thought to himself, "I guess… I mean it still seems like there was one person who wanted me there."

"See? If you shut out your heart, you're also gonna cut that person out as well. Just remember leave that door open."

Shuya then looked up to the sky, and popped his neck stretching it to both sides, "Well I think it's getting late, no matter how comfortable it is in here. I think we better get off and get some sleep. Sorry to say but I'm not entirely positive all the rooms have been made up and cleaned." He covered his face in embarrassment, letting a small smile shine.

"That's no problem, I don't mind making up my room. I'll just grab my things and find a room. Thanks again for letting me stay the night here again."

"So, what's tomorrow gonna hold for you Shinji? You planning on staying or heading on back home?"

"I'm not sure."

"Just sleep on it, I'm sure you'll make the right choice."