"K - Kokoa! Kokoa! What are you doing!?"
"I'm sorry Sasuke, but I have to do this!" she cried, dragging him down the hall.
"What? What do you have to do!?"
"Go. I have to go." She shoved him into the closet, standing in the doorway. He stumbled in, hitting the hard floor.
"Where! What are you doing? Kokoa-chan, please, I'm scared!" he pleaded.
"I can't take it Sasuke! I can't take it! I can't live like this! I'm going to find Itachi."
"Itachi? You can't - Kokoa! -" She shut the door, locking it from the outside.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm so sorry, but I have to. I have to. You're strong. You'll get yourself out of there, but for now, I need you to stay put. Burn the house down if you have to, but I need to go now. I need to find Itachi."
"Kokoa!" he wailed, banging his fists against the door. She was already out the door, sprinting through the deserted streets of Konoha. Not a person in sight. She had sat around doing nothing for too long. She needed answers from Itachi himself, and she would get them.
Soon enough, she managed to get through the main gates of the village, not once looking back. She had no clue as to where he could be, but it didn't seem to matter. She had a feeling in her gut, and let her legs carry her wherever they wanted, the crisp, night wind biting her face along the way. She ran for who knows how long. Her legs trembled, vision blurred, lungs ached. She wasn't sure she would last, until...he stood leaning against a tree. Her eyes widened, and any fatigue she felt was now gone.
"I-Itachi? Yes. Yes, yes. Itachi!" she called out. Glancing over his shoulder, he turned away and started walking.
"Wait! Itachi!" She chased after him. "Please! I just want to talk!" She gasped, using every ounce of her power to keep up.
"I just want to hear your side. Please! It's me. It's Kokoa!" One step, two steps, three steps...she was close, so close. All she had to do was stop him, get him to face her.
"Please." She threw out her hand. Using what strength she had left, she sent a boost of chakra to her feet, putting a spring to her step. She leapt forward.
"Itachi..." Her fingers brushed the tip of his low ponytail -
Kokoa jolted up in bed, breathing heavily, eyes wide. A light sheet of sweat clung to her body. She gazed down at her finger tips, horrified at how real his hair had felt. Realizing it was all a dream, her deep breaths became short gasps as tears flooded her eyes. She curled up under her sheets, sobbing silently into the pillow.
Some time had passed. Nothing had changed. Everyday Kokoa hoped for a sign, some letter, anything that would link her to Itachi, but no such thing ever came. She barely left the house, and when she did, it was quick. She had built a wall between herself and the others. They only saw her as Itachi's possible partner, his "defender," so she hid herself from everyone. She also built herself back up for Sasuke, making sure he never again saw her cry. She wouldn't allow herself to cry in front of the child for the man who took everything from him. She thought it was selfish, too cruel, she was careful to not show much emotion about the subject in front of Sasuke. He was doing well, or as well as someone in his situation could. The academy kept him busy, and he had Kokoa whenever he wasn't feeling up to it, up to life.
"Ne, Kokoa-chan?" He peered over at the girl sprawled across the couch.
"Hm?" she replied, twirling strands of her hair.
"You used to lecture me about not eating in the past, but I think our roles have switched. When was the last time you had a good meal?"
"I don't know."
"It's not good for you. You're a ninja. You need your strength."
"I'm not starving myself on purpose, Sasuke. I'm just...I'm not in the mood to set tables and make messes. I don't feel like eating," she sighed.
"Are you dizzy? You don't have to eat much. I just don't want you passing out. I can't carry you, you know," he grinned.
"I'm alright. I promise." She yawned. He thought for a moment.
"Hey?"
"Hm?"
"We haven't practiced ever since it happened."
"Practice?"
"You were training me, remember? Kokoa-sensei. We should go outside. It'll be good," he suggested. She sighed.
"I'm still the top of my class in school. I already got everything down. You can still teach me things no one else knows. I can be so much better, stronger," he urged, careful not to reveal too much. While Kokoa knew he resented Itachi, she had no clue Sasuke's goal had become to gain power to destroy his brother. While others would understand where he came from, Sasuke didn't have it in his heart to tell Kokoa he aimed to kill to boy she cared so much for, even if he could never understand why she still had feelings for him.
"Let's get some air."
"Alright." She gave in, not wanting to bear the guilt of denying him. "Let me just get some of my things together."
"So...where did I leave off?" she inquired, scratching her head.
"I dunno. It was ages ago. Something about chakra control." Sasuke shrugged.
"Sasuke...everything is about chakra control. If you can't control it, you'll fall out of trees and sink in lakes."
"Alright, alright. It's harder than it sounds."
"Oh, it's pretty difficult, but you'll get it. If anyone can, it's you," she commented.
"Yosh!"
"How's your aim? Shuriken, kunai?"
"That's what we've been doing in school. I got the hang of it. We've been sparring too."
"Sparring? Hmm, we could do some good old fashioned tai-jutsu. It is my specialty after all."
"Y-your specialty?" He swallowed, a bit intimidated.
"Oh yeah. Even Gai-san had a few nice things to say about me."
"Eh..."
"I won't hurt you...much," she grinned.
"Like you can," he stated.
"Ho, ho, so arrogant. Bring it on. Three, two, one, come!" He charged. She of course went easy on him, but not too much. He needed the challenge to grow.
"Never let your guard down. Always try to read the enemy, see if they have any patterns or ticks in their movement. That way you can start to predict where or how they'll attack. You'll be amazing at that once you hone your sharingan."
"Right! Focus. Guard up."
"You also want to attack, not just be the defense. It's about balance, knowing when to strike, when to block, and when to retreat. Of course I can't teach you all of that. A lot of these things you learn through experience from actual missions. You develop them as you grow, but it's good to always have them in mind."
"Gotcha!" He nodded aggressively, taking in as much as he could. He loved these new tips, and he loved seeing bits of the old Kokoa, the friendly girl who teased her friends. He missed her.
"Hello, Sasuke." They paused, turning to see Iruka with another shinobi not much older than Kokoa.
"Iruka-sensei," he smiled.
"Kokoa," the teacher smiled.
"Iruka," she replied with a slight nod. "And sensei?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't you hear? I'm working to teach at the academy. I'll have my own class in a bit."
"I didn't know. I haven't...been out much. Congratulations."
"Arigato. What are you up to?" he asked Sasuke.
"Training. Kokoa's been training me on the side for some time, but we hadn't done it in a while. We're finally back."
"Is that so? You're already top of your class, Sasuke. What's next, hokage?"
"Why not? Although, I don't think I'd like the paper work," he laughed.
"Well you can have someone else take care of that for you."
"Hn, Naruto."
"Oh boy," Iruka chuckled. "Oh, I'm sorry. Sasuke you know Ryuuji. He's helped me out a few times. Kokoa this is Yamamoto Ryuuji."
"Oh. Hello," she responded.
"This is Kuroki Kokoa," he told his friend.
"I've heard of you," Ryuuji commented, tucking indigo hair behind his right ear.
"Oh..." Her eyes darkened, wondering what rumor he believed.
"It's nice to meet you." He smiled. She furrowed her brow, not expecting the kindness.
"Eh - likewise, likewise."
"So your own personal sensei." He glanced at Sasuke before turning back to Kokoa.
"You're what, a...?"
"Jonin, although, it's been a while since my last mission. Things are...complicated."
"I can imagine." He shrugged. "Still, a jonin is a jonin, and I've heard some good things about you in the past. You're young. To have reached that level so early, your tai-jutsu must be something special."
"I...I guess." She scratched her forehead.
"I'll have to see for myself one day," he smiled. She nodded twice before,
"Oh, Iruka, have you seen Kakashi-san lately?" she questioned, turning to him.
"I see him from time to time. Why?"
"It's been a while since I've seen him. I...I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person the last time we met. I just wanted to fix things is all."
"If I see him again, I'll let him know you're looking for him."
"Arigato, Iruka."
"Well we should be on our way. Keep working hard, Sasuke."
"You bet!"
"Sayonara," he smiled.
"Sayonara, Kokoa," Ryuuji added, before following Iruka. She waved tiredly.
"Alright, let's finish!" Sasuke cheered.
"How about you do some chakra stuff now while I sit and watch," she said.
"Kokoa -"
"No whining. Come on. You're going to have to learn it eventually."
"Tsk, fine. I just hope when I get assigned a team that my sensei isn't as lazy as you."
"Well you better wish hard," she smirked, plopping down. Resting her head in the grass, she gazed up at the sky. She didn't have much of a chance to enjoy the clouds as a certain nightmare tugged at the corners of her mind.
"You know, when you aren't avoiding that creepy Orochimaru, you sit in your room playing with that ring around you finger," Kisame sighed, leaning in the door way.
"This is Akatsuki. It should be more entertaining, don't you think, Itachi-san?" He let Samehada rest on the wall beside him. Itachi glanced over at him, not saying anything.
"What is that ring anyway? It must be special if it affects someone as coldblooded as yourself, no?"
"It was a gift from a friend...a long time ago," he replied.
"A ring as a gift? Ho, was it a lady friend?" He raised an eyebrow. "Did you kill her too?"
"She wasn't an Uchiha, and so I would have gained nothing from killing her. She wasn't worth it. She doesn't mean anything anymore," he lied. "It's just that it reminds me where I came from. Even if I left everything behind, you still shouldn't forget where you started out."
"Well, whatever makes you happy," Kisame smirked. "There's a meeting in a few. Our leader must have missed us or something." Grabbing his weapon, he was off. Slipping the ring off his finger, Itachi held it tightly in his hand as if trying to connect or feel Kokoa. Anything. Nothing. He threw his head back with a frustrated sigh and decided to head out rather than be late.
"Sasuke, you're late," Kokoa stated, stepping out the front door.
"Oh, sorry, Kokoa-chan."
"You can hang out with the other kids. I'd just like to know before hand is all."
"Well I didn't know I'd be late. I ran into Ryuuji," he explained. She blinked, surprised to see the other shinobi.
"Hi." He smiled with a wave.
"Hi..." she replied, wondering what the hell he was always so happy about. Shaking her head with a sigh,
"Well, do what you want. Just don't come home too late. I'm not setting dinner twice."
"Hai, hai."
"Why don't you join us?" Ryuuji offered. Again, she blinked in surprise. "I saw Sasuke practicing at the academy, and I was so impressed, I offered to buy him a snack. Join us for some dango." He smiled. Her eyes darkened. Turning her back,
"I hate dango." The door clicked shut.
"You should have come, Kokoa," Sasuke said between bites. "It was delicious."
"It's all right. Glad you had some fun."
"Mhm! Since when do you hate dango?"
"I never liked it."
"Yeah you did. You always used to get it."
"You're imagining things, Sasuke."
"Kokoa, you love dango. You used to always..." He fell silent, noticing her slight trembling. She made it a law to not cry in front of him. She couldn't. She wouldn't.
"You're right," she choked. "I did eat it a lot in the past. I must have confused my desserts."
"Kokoa..."
"Hm?" She forced a smile.
"...The food...it's good."
"I was hoping you'd like it." She regained her composure. He noticed something catch the light.
"You still wear that?" He pointed at the necklace that slipped from beneath her shirt.
"What -" She glanced down. "Oh..." Tucking it back under, she looked up to meet his cold gaze.
"Why?"
"I..."
"It's from him. Why would you still wear it? Why would you even keep it?"
"It was a gift, the Uchiha crest -"
"I know what it is, Kokoa."
"It's all I have -"
"All you have? Kokoa, he took everything from us. You really think a silly necklace will make it better? He abandoned both of us after killing everyone, and you're holding onto some stupid piece of jewelry he gave you after lying to you, saying he liked you?" He slammed a fist on the table. She clutched the necklace beneath her shirt.
Kokoa didn't tell him it was once his mother's. To be honest, the house and everything in it was left after the incident. If Sasuke wanted something of his parents to keep, he could have easily done so. This necklace was a gift from Mikoto to Itachi, to give to Kokoa. It represented their feelings for each other, and that even though she wasn't an Uchiha, he still wanted her by his side. Now he was gone, and didn't care enough to take Kokoa with him. That necklace was her illusion; that he did care, and that no matter what he may have done, he couldn't have faked the emotions of that moment, and any moment between the two. Everyone insisted on throwing the fact that he turned his back on her in her face, but no matter how hard she tried, she could never turn her back on him.
"So I am sorry for being so..." Kokoa paused to think of the right word.
"I understand, Kokoa. You didn't do anything wrong. You've just been a little emotional, which I understand," Kakashi replied.
"Believe me, I don't want to feel this way, but I can't help it, Kakashi-san. It eats away at me. Sometimes it's not even about what he did. It's the fact that he's gone. Have you ever lost someone you loved, Kakashi-san? Do you know the pain of losing the people closest to you? I know I'm young, but in my heart I know that Itachi is the only boy I'll ever have feelings like this for. So I lost the love of my life, and I lost my best friend. Can you understand any of my pain, just a little? To lose someone and not be able to do anything about it?"
He gazed off to the side. His father. Obito. Rin. Minato.
"I do, Kokoa. But it's easier for me because none of my important people did what Itachi did."
"I should hate him, I know. I should despise him for my sake and for Sasuke's, but I can't. Not until I see him. Not until I hear it from his own mouth. You've heard this story before. Nothing's changed. I still love him, and I have to live my life being judged for it all while trying to hide my feelings from Sasuke. I've been failing miserably by the way." She shrugged. "He's young, but he's smart. He picks up on things, and...then he gets angry, and I feel like I've let him down, and in a way I have because I'm crying for the man who ruined his life." She tugged at her hair.
"If your emotions are the root of your problem, perhaps it's time to embrace what a true shinobi is: a tool, a weapon to be used. If your heart can't handle the pain, if you're hurting so much, maybe hardening yourself is the answer. Put it all behind you. Walk away and kill your emotions, Kokoa. It is what we have to do anyway."
"Still...I'm human."
"If you think you'll never be able to completely erase those feelings, fine, but bury them deep inside, so deep that they'll never surface. Take control."
"I...I'm tired, Kakashi. I'm so very tired."