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Dark and cold. Kokoa sat in her cell with only the sound of her light breathing and the pitter patter of water dripping in the corner. On the floor slumped against the wall, she stared out through the prison bars into the dim hallway, into that empty, narrow, barely lit hallway.

Finding Kokoa after her encounter with Itachi, Zaji and the other ANBU arrested her on the spot. They only turned their faces and zipped their lips when she asked why. Kokoa wasn't stupid. She knew why, but she needed justification, a reason to go with them willingly to make it seem like she wasn't guilty. She spent a good amount of time in that cell. While imprisoned, Jiraiya and Naruto returned with Tsunade, and she was able to heal Kakashi and Sasuke. Zaji was oh so kind as to inform Kokoa since she was unable to visit. She worried about Sasuke. Itachi had used his sharingan, knocked him out completely. He was finally awake, but he hadn't come to see her since then. All she could do was sit in that miserable cell feeling sorry for herself.

They arrested her for involvement with a wanted criminal. They arrested her for not reporting the activities and whereabouts of two Akatsuki members. They arrested her for leaving the village without consent. They arrested her for pursuing the two criminals on her own. They arrested her for associating with Uchiha Itachi. Their meeting, those few minutes reopened all the doors, not that they ever closed completely, but all the suspicion, the blame, the finger pointing, and name calling came rushing towards her, slamming into the girl like a brick wall, leaving her hanging on by a thread. And so she sat there, alone in the dark and cold wishing more than anything she had the courage to throw herself in the Naka River that day. She sat there in the dark and cold wishing she was somehow killed in action. She sat there in the dark and cold wishing Uchiha Itachi had finished what he started and ended the miserable existence her life came to be.

Tup, tup, tup, tup, tup. She sat up at the sound of footsteps; light and gentle, unlike the steps of the various shinobi who had come in for interrogation.

"Sasuke!" She leapt to her feet, pressing herself against the bars, gripping tight. He came to a stop before her with only the metal gate between the two. He stared at her feet, not saying a word. After a moment of silence, the sense of relief she had slowly faded. Something was wrong. She kept her mouth shut instead of celebrating the fact he was back on his feet and this was the first time seeing him since the fight at in the inn.

He slowly lifted his head, meeting her blue eyes with his own dark gaze. She swallowed hard.

"How long have you been locked up in this place?"

"I don't know. They don't tell me the time or date. It's felt like weeks."

"Almost four so far," he stated. Her lips parted at the news. Had it really been that long since she slept in her bed, since the sun warmed her skin? A month? Had she pushed it aside, depersonalized most of it? Her stomach churned.

"You're up. That means they found –"

"Why?" he interrupted.

"Hu –"

"What were you doing?"

"Sasuke –"

"Answer me, Kokoa, truthfully. No shitting around."

"I…" She glanced away. Impatient,

"You followed me to Tanzaku. You caught up with Itachi after he had hurt me. They told me everything, Kokoa. That you ran after him; that you had a nice little chat before becoming hysterical and begging him to kill you; that any bit of pride, dignity, and resolve you had went right out the window the moment you set eyes on him! You ran after two Akatsuki members, guys who were after Naruto, all on your own! What did you expect to gain? What the hell were you thinking? You could have been killed. What was the reason?"

She pressed her forehead against the metal with a sigh. So they had been watching the whole thing unfold. They heard most of it; saw what a mess she had become as Itachi held the kunai to her throat.

"I wanted – needed to talk to him," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Heh, why? After what happened – I just – I wanted to talk to him."

"I don't understand. I ran after him because I wanted revenge. I had a goal. Why did you leave the village? Why did you talk to him in the forest? Don't tell me that what everyone was saying is true, that you really were involved –"

"Why the hell would you even think that!?" she shouted, stunned by his words. "Why would I help him kill his own family and torture you? He ended both our lives that night. You're all I have, Sasuke. You mean everything to me. Do you honestly think I'm that sick, that I'm capable of doing such a demented thing? I can't believe after all this time you'd turn on me –"

"I didn't mean it," he mumbled, shoving his fists in his pockets. "It just slipped. Sorry."

"You went after him for a reason, and so did I; to talk. That's all."

"But why? Why waste your time talking? After the shit he pulled. I don't get it. Why were you crying? Why did you beg? What could you possibly discuss with a bastard like him? He's a monster, and criminal, a murderous traitor who turned not only on his village, but on his own clan. What could you possibly gain! I'm trying to understand! I'm trying to come up with some reason as to why you'd go so far and risk your life to have some silly conversation with a guy who stopped caring ages ago, but I just can't wrap my brain around it!"

"It's because I love him! Ok!" she declared, knuckles white from squeezing the bars, a few tears inching down her face despite her eyes being shut tight. His arms fell to his sides in disbelief.

"Nani?"

"It's because I loved him, because I still do, because I always will," she said, her voice light and breathy as she bit her lip to keep from becoming yet another hysterical mess. Sasuke stared, stunned.

"You…"

"I tried moving on. I tried so hard to forget, to be happy, to start over, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't, Sasuke. It hurt too much, and the memories never faded. They haunted me day and night, followed me everywhere. Itachi was my world, he was my everything, he was my friend, he was the boy I loved more than anything. He was my family. I lost my family that day too. I lost it all just like you.

I wanted to talk to him because I missed him. I wanted to talk to him because all these years there hasn't been a day where he slipped my mind. I wanted to see him, to hear his voice, to hold his hand one more time. I wanted to talk to him because something didn't feel right about the night of the massacre. All these years I've heard what others have said, but I so badly needed to hear the truth from his own lips. The day he left, my life changed for the worst. I wanted answers! I wanted an explanation, an apology, something! And I missed him so much, I missed him so, so much…" she clutched where her heart sat with one hand.

"You have no idea," she whispered. "What it's like to love someone you know you can never have."

He shifted his gaze to the side, hands still in his pockets. 'I have some idea…'

"I didn't do it to betray you or Konoha. I did it for my own selfish reasons. I just wanted to see him again. For some reason I had this ridiculous idea that I could fix things, that it could all work out. I'm stupid for it, but I did it because I needed some closure, answers, something. I've been so empty and so numb for so long I don't even feel alive half the time. I just wanted to stand beside him…"

"So all these years, when you spoke ill of him, when you shrugged things off, when you told me you were ok and that you were getting over it, you were lying?" he looked over at her again.

"Those nights I thought you stayed up because you had trouble sleeping or you were writing mission reports, you were crying for him? That look in your eyes when you're sitting by yourself in the dim light is a longing for my brother? All this time you…"

"If you had known my true feelings it would have been too hard. I didn't want to rub it in your face. Besides, you wouldn't understand. You hate him –"

"And so should you. He ruined you, Kokoa."

"I know that! But I can't shake these feelings. I can't let him go. I'd rather die."

"Wha…" he fell quiet.

"Like I said, it wasn't to betray or hurt you, Sasuke. I care about you deeply. You're my friend and my family, the only one I've got, the only person who knows me. Please, Sasuke, please try to understand. Please try to see what I'm saying. Even if you can't understand, please just accept it. Accept me as I am. Don't leave me. Don't walk away."

He turned and slowly started off.

"Sasuke! Please don't hate me…" She leaned against the gate in tears, taking a shaky breath. He paused, clenching his fists at her crying. He hated it when she cried. He hated hearing and seeing his precious Kokoa in so much pain all because of what his brother decided to do that night. With his back still to her,

"I could never hate you, Kokoa, even if I tried. I wouldn't want to. I'd rather die."

She gazed out at him, silent at first, letting the last of the tears make their way down to her chin. He started off again.

"Where are you going?" she questioned, her voice hoarse.

"I'm going to get you out of here."

Getting Kokoa out of jail wasn't so easy. Although neither she nor Sasuke knew it, they were dealing with someone on an entire different level than Sarutobi. Shimura Danzo was the one running the show; acting and having others do his bidding from the shadows. Sure it was all for the sake of Konoha, his own brutal way of defending the village, but he went so far as to ruin a poor girl like Kokoa; a girl he knew had nothing to do with the Uchiha massacre but had to keep accusing and watching because he wasn't sure just what Itachi might have told her. She wasn't supposed to know the truth. She couldn't. She couldn't know about Konoha's dark secrets and history.

If she learned that her precious Itachi was cornered, used as a double spy and forced to strike down his own clan or have someone else do it, she would lose her mind and fall further than she ever did. She would become merciless, terrible, vengeful more than Sasuke ever was or would be, and she would make the ones responsible pay. And Danzo knew that. He knew how precious Itachi was to her. Everyone knew just from the way she would look at him whenever they were together. She loved him and understood his struggle, his pain, the pressure, the guilt, the kindness. She knew Uchiha Itachi. He deserved love and happiness and she wanted to be the one who provided it.

After another week of questioning and prodding, Kokoa was released to Sasuke. Of course she would be watched even more closely this time, and Zaji wouldn't be the only one, although, he would be the main Root member. The tension between Sasuke and Kokoa was unbearable. He didn't hate her. As he said before, he couldn't, but she loved Itachi after all he did, and spent the last few years lying about it and crying for him when Sasuke wasn't looking.

Everything he thought he knew about her was a lie. Why had he so easily believed her? He realized then that it was because he was so young and so afraid. He trusted the only person he knew he could without ever questioning her. Still, after years together, after coming this far side by side, how could she still have feelings for Itachi, a man who broke her heart and fled the village? It angered Sasuke, confused him, crushed him. If Kokoa spoke to him, he replied. If he needed her, he would initiate conversation, but there were no jokes, no chuckles or teasing. Just short, awkward dialogue and minimal eye contact. He couldn't accept her feelings, and she felt too guilty for lying.

She stuffed her fists in the pockets of her black flood pants, slouching a bit, eyes never leaving the ground as she made her way through the village.

"That's that Kuroki girl."

"She's the one involved with Uchiha Itachi, right?"

"How is Sasuke still hanging around her?"

"I hear they arrested her after meeting with Itachi. She was just released a few days ago."

She bit her lip, shut her eyes tight, did everything in her power to hold back tears, to steady her breathing, to ignore the voices. It was the same hell all over again, even worse.

"Kokoa-chan!" Naruto dashed towards her. "Kokoa-chan! Yo!" he smiled, holding up a peace sign. "I was on my way to Ichiraku's. Come with me for lunch!"

"Not today, Naruto. I think I'll pass," she almost whispered. His smile faded.

"What's…what's wrong?" he inquired, momentarily forgetting she had just gotten out of jail.

"I just need some time to myself, alone," she assured him, glaring over her shoulder. She felt someone watching her. Would it always be like this? No privacy? No Freedom?

"But…"

"Some other time, Naruto. Oh, could you do me a favor and not tell Sasuke where I went if he asks? I just really want to be alone."

"Yeah, sure."

"Ja ne." She scurried off before the tears slipped, and headed to the Naka River; a place of so much pain and memory.

"You worry too much."

"Is that so, Shisui-san?" Kokoa chuckled.

"You worry about Itachi too much. He's a big boy."

"I know. I just can't help it. I –"

"Love him too much?" he smirked with a raised brow.

"No," she pouted.

"Hn, liar."

"You promised me –"

"I haven't told anyone! I swear."

"Good."

"I'm glad, Kokoa."

"What about?"

"That you love him."

"Oh," she whispered with a blush.

"I'm also glad to call you my friend."

"Shisui…I guess I kind of like you too." She nudged him.

"That's good. That's really good."

"Just one person…someone…" Kokoa held herself, missing Shisui deeply; her friend, her older brother, Itachi's precious friend. Sasuke meant everything to her, but it hurt so much to be around him now that he knew her feelings. She couldn't bear the guilt.

"We'll get to watch the sunset one day, Kokoa. In time."

"Itachi…" She dropped to her knees, head down, clawing at the dirt and grass. His eyes, his eyes haunted her, but his voice soothed her even when he said she wasn't worth his time. Why did he treat her like garbage, like she never meant anything? And yet, he took the time to listen to everything she had to say. He could have killed her right there, but chose not to, and that was what truly haunted her. Was there meaning behind his hesitance to kill her? Was it possible he still cared or at least bore some guilt for what he had done to her? Or did she read too far into his actions? Was this just another sense of false hope? Still…

"It hurts," she whimpered, grabbing at her chest. The looks and rumors, the ANBU and conflict with Sasuke. In that moment she was swallowed by the all too familiar; utter loneliness. Broken, beaten, battered, defeated, exhausted, empty. At this point Kokoa had no clue as to what to do with herself. Stuck. She was stuck, slipping away a little bit each day, and it seemed no one would try to save her, not even Sasuke.

"How pathetic," Zaji sighed, stuffed away between the winding branches of a tree not too far off. "How low must she be feeling? She was right, the Uchiha should've just ended it."

'I don't understand why Danzo-sama's so fixated on her. She's pathetic, miserable, oblivious to everything. In what way is she a threat?' He shook his head, adjusting his mask. As bored as he was, Zaji had to fulfill his assignment. In the past Kokoa was feisty and rude. She argued with him, was a challenge. He enjoyed taunting her, but now she barely responded. Everything phased through her as if she were raised from the dead; hollow.

Opening the fridge and finding nothing but sweets, Sasuke shut the door, stepping back with a,

"Tch…" He didn't like sweets at all, and Kokoa knew. Normally she would have made some of his favorite foods, or at least tried to when she had the time. He tried thinking of something else, someone or something other than Kokoa. They weren't exactly fighting, but things were still complicated. He roamed the larger apartment, his expression softening at the memory of how happy she was when he told her it was their new place; how things seemed ok even if only for a moment. Pausing before the small bookcase, he scanned the dusty, leather-bound books, notebooks, and occasional folder. He reached out for a thick green spine but accidentally knocked over a small red folder, scattering its contents across the floor.

"Shit," he mumbled, scooping them up. He sat back, falling to his butt as he held an old photograph; Kuroki Akihiko and his wife, Sakiko; Kokoa's parents. The couple stood smiling, holding their child. She couldn't have been older than a few months. Sakiko held her close, her grip tight, smile wide. Akihiko had an arm around his wife, a nervous expression across his face from being such a young father.

Sasuke gently returned it to the folder. He was fortunate enough to have known his parents, to have loved and be loved by them. That time with Mikoto and Fugaku…he often found himself conflicted. What would be better – or easier at least: having parents, having that bond and then losing it, or never knowing who they were? He was able to have his mother and father, but Kokoa and even Naruto…what was it like, never having those memories?

He scrambled to pick up the rest of the papers, and that's when it happened, when the white tip caught his eye. Moving a few notes and mission reports aside, he picked up the polaroid, not as old as her family photo, and felt something churn deep inside. It was the photo of Kokoa and Itachi, the one they had taken years ago, dirty and in their uniforms; the one she had given Itachi as a gift and framed her own copy of as well; the one she stuffed away a long time ago to hide from Sasuke; the one Itachi kept to this day, hidden away with his few belonging as one of the things he still had trouble letting go of.

He returned that photo as well, and placed the folder back up on the shelf. Standing there in silence, unmoving, it hit him; a slab, a wall of emotion, and not anger as usual. He didn't want to yell or pick fights. It was the emotion he had locked up for so long, the feelings he never had trouble sharing as a child. They came flooding back, ravaging him like some disease, and so he dropped to his knees, head down, eyes clenched, teeth grinding as he choked, and gasped, and coughed, and cried; cried for his fallen kin, cried for feeling so alone and so utterly helpless, useless, weak. He cried for Kokoa, for how she lost everything like he did, how she lost her parents, for how she was treated, for what she had become. He cried because the girl who had always encouraged him, the girl who was there for him at the lowest point in his life, the girl he had come to love with all his heart still desired his older brother; because Uchiha Itachi was the only man she saw; because no matter how hard he tried Sasuke always lost to him.