Chapter 5: Tracking

Bones sighed before poking his potatoes with his fork.

"The crew is fine, Jim. No one came to us and said anything was wrong. "

Jim grimaced as he swallowed his vegetables. He'd spent his entire day wandering between decks to see how the crew was doing. Everyone was smiling at him, chatting with him, but Jim wasn't reassured. He had made sure not to convey his concern, continuing to smile and joke, even about his injury. But he was questioning everything.

"Maybe they'll come later, Bones. "

The doctor shook his head.

"Right now, the only high-strung guy who came to see me is having dinner with me. "

Jim glared at him.

"I'm serious. "

The doctor wiped his mouth before taking a drink.

"But so am I! You've been crawling around all day on all the decks, assisting Sheridan and Valiery with the repairs on the secondary transporter, and you went to the main deck to see how things were going! And what did I tell you this morning? You're lucky your symptoms have improved. "

Jim raised his eyebrows, completely ignoring the doctor's last remarks. He remained focused on the first piece of information:

"But how do you know what I'm doing all the time? I haven't run into Christine once! "

Bones gave him a look of pride.

"I have hidden talents. "

Jim picked at his vegetables, remaining silent. Bones looked serious again.

"You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself for nothing, Jim. We've had turbulence before. Nolan, our only serious casualty, is better and there is no major damage, let alone irreparable damage. You need to relax a little. Have you talked to Spock? "

Jim nodded.

"Yeah. The area is quiet, and we're no longer in the storm clouds. He's keeping a close eye on the communications because apparently our scanners are jammed. "

Bones shook his head.

"I wasn't talking about that, Jim. "

It took a few seconds for the blond man to understand. He shut down reflexively.

"No, I didn't tell him," he replied in a firm tone.

The doctor sighed.

"Jim, you need to talk to someone about your fears. Me, Spock, or even Keenser, I don't care! But you've got to get it off your chest. "

Jim put down his fork.

"You know I don't want to add more of my problems to you. I've given you enough of a hard time with Anthony during our classes. "

Bones leaned over his tray.

"You're my friend, Jim. My best friend. Your problems are my problems too. I can handle it. Okay? Just clear your head. And if, like I said, it's related to Khan... "

Jim nodded.

"I get it. Can we change the subject? "

He really didn't want to talk about it anymore. Bones sat back in his chair. He had a moment of reflection before he gave a mischievous smile.

"And if not, I have some gossip about Chekov and his denobulan, are you interested? "

And Jim's mischievous smile appeared on his face.

"Spit it out! "

Jim stared at the shades of color that flashed outside the ship. It was so calm, so quiet, so soothing. He thought to himself that without the deflectors, the shades would almost be within reach. Dust trails that looked so peaceful in the vastness of space. And yet space could be chaotic, and those beautiful shades could hide terrible lightning. Lightning so powerful that it had managed to impact the ship.

He heard footsteps approaching. Jim could tell by the sound of the footsteps who it was. Spock.

"Jim, you should get some rest. "

The blond man nodded vaguely. He was tired, but he still wanted to watch space. At this hour, the lobby of deck 10 was empty. Jim could sit on the steps in the lounge area and look out at the space through the large window several feet wide. He didn't look away as he replied:

"I'll be right back. "

He heard movement beside him. Spock had just sat down beside him and remained silent. Jim could appreciate the view, and the presence of the Vulcan. He was close to him. He could feel his presence closely.

Spock. Bones wanted him to talk to him. To confide in him. Jim had nothing against talking to Spock. Nothing, except that he was afraid of what he might think of him. He was afraid of disappointing him, again. He sighed, finally catching his head in his hands. Bones was right. It was weighing heavily on his shoulders. All the anxiety, all the guilt... He took a deep breath, his heart clenching with apprehension.

"Am I... " He paused. "Am I a bad Captain, Spock? "

His eyes immediately became moist. Jim kept his gaze fixed on the glass, making an effort to contain his emotions.

"Is that what's distressing you? "

Jim gritted his teeth. Spock didn't answer his question. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Some of it. "

The air felt as if it had become trapped in his chest. He couldn't say anything more. He couldn't look Spock in the eye. He couldn't lose face. Even if it was Spock, even if they were alone.

"I served only under Captain Pike's command and yours. Captain Pike was a man I respected and admired for his uprightness and moral character. He was a good captain, and he thought you would be better than he was. I think so too. You are a good captain, Jim. And questioning yourself only proves it. You can only get better, if you allow yourself to believe. "

Jim stared into space. He didn't dare make a move to wipe away the single tear that had escaped his eyes. Spock's words went straight to his heart.

"You have been through a lot, but you have overcome it. I have learned from being at your side that you have an innate gift for finding a way out. Although I don't understand how instinct works, you certainly know how to use it. Never stop believing in yourself. "

This time, Jim buried his face in his hands. The hall was silent again. Only the hum of the ship could be heard. Spock's words, always sincere, had just lifted a huge weight from his chest. So huge that his emotional walls were crumbling. He felt Spock's hand on his shoulder. That firm, warm grip. It felt good. It relaxed him. He threw himself back into it, releasing some of his guilt.

"I miss Pike. If I'd done something different, if he hadn't taken over the Enterprise, maybe-"

He stopped as the pressure on his shoulder grew stronger. He cleared his face, regaining composure before turning his head to Spock, who resumed:

"There was nothing you could have done to prevent it, Jim. You did your duty, you protected your crew. "

Spock's tone was harsher. Jim could hear the difference from knowing him so well. He looked the Vulcan straight in the eye, his voice showing his bitterness.

"I didn't protect everyone. I failed. "

Spock replied even more harshly.

"You protected the majority of the crew by allowing the ship to regain power. At the cost of your life. For all those people, it was not a failure. "

Spock's hand gripped Jim's shoulder tighter. It was almost painful, but it seemed unconscious. Something was bothering Spock. Jim tried to understand. He stared at the Vulcan, who had turned his attention to the space view. He opened his mouth to speak when Spock resumed on his own:

"You shouldn't have gone there. It was not your place. "

Any pain and guilt Jim might have felt slowly turned to surprise.

"What do you mean « not your place »? "

Spock turned his head toward him, his tone as hard as ever.

"You should have been at your command post, and I should have made sure the engines were functional. "

Jim instinctively went on the defensive, reacting in spite of himself to Spock's change in tone.

"We changed for a reason. "

"And that reason led you to the reactor core. Our roles should have been reversed. "

Spock had dropped him to face him. Jim had done the same, his heart quickening as he understood what the Vulcan was getting at.

"It was no one's job, Spock! It had to be done, I did it! I sincerely hope you're not suggesting that you should have gone, just because you're Number One and I'm the Captain. "

Jim challenged him. Every muscle in his body was tense. Spock did not respond. Jim's anger surged and he stood up, his blood pulsing at his temples. When he spoke, his voice trembled with anger.

"My life is no more valuable than yours or any other member of the crew, is that clear? "

His question was not a question and Spock knew it. He stood up to face him. Jim's eyes were wet again. He was mad with rage.

"I don't want to hear that kind of talk again. Never again. "

He looked up to stop the tears from flowing, then shook his head. At what point had he thought it would be a good idea to have this kind of conversation with a Vulcan?

"Bones wanted me to tell you about my nightmares. " He let out a bitter laugh. "The thing is, they're more like memories than dreams. Every time I close my eyes, I feel this pain as my gut literally melts. I hear the screams, I hear the cries of fear. This is how I pay for the fact that you and Bones thought my life was worth more than the others! "

He started to laugh. He couldn't help it, he was nervous. He bit his lip as he stared into space, his eyes still filled with tears, but not flowing.

"You would never-"

"We acted as objectively as possible," Spock cut him off. "It fell on you, as it might have fallen on anyone. You met the most stringent requirements for the test. "

Jim hated it. Spock had no idea of the extent of the consequences of his actions. It was eating him up inside. He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white.

" « Test. » Is this the kind of « test » you wanted to catch an Augment like Khan alive for? Science first? "

Jim's jab was right on target. Spock clenched his jaw. He had just angered him enough that he could no longer hide his emotion.

"That's not what happened. "

Jim shrugged with a falsely disinterested look on his face.

"Really? How should I know, none of the details are in your damn report. "

"Everything you need to know is in there. "

Jim was exasperated by Spock's reserve.

No one had ever really told him how things had happened. He had died, then Bones had injected him with a compound with Khan's blood and his life had resumed. That was all. No explanation of the ship crash, of Khan's arrest, of this « experiment » conducted only on him. Jim only really realized now that not knowing was eating away at him. That the fact that he was the only subject of the experiment was him, without explanation. And he still wouldn't get what he needed to fill that void. He would get nothing from the Vulcan.

He sighed, still angry, but not angry enough to explode. He was tired of this conversation. His blood pulsed at his temples, he was tired and all this would not help. His mind was still ruminating on the same thought for months, which weighed so heavily on him: he wished he had died that day.

He walked towards the exit, the last images of what he had seen before he died coming back to his mind. He paused for a moment, to address one last sentence to Spock:

"At least I would have had the honor of touching your emotional quotient by dying. "

Then he left. His tears had dried, but his heart was still pounding with the pressure he felt in his chest whenever he was emotionally disturbed. He quickly reached his quarters and entered with a weary sigh.

"And what would you have done in my place? "

Jim frowned and turned to face Spock: his few disheveled locks showed that he had run to get there in time.

"Sorry? "

Spock repeated his question as the door to Jim's quarters closed behind him:

"If I had been in that decontamination chamber, what would you have done? "

At the time, the answer seemed obvious to Jim. So obvious, it was almost a stupid question. Then he realized what Spock was getting at. Well, almost. Jim was blaming the Vulcan and his best friend for doing something he would have done for either of them, without questioning himself. Without thinking about the consequences, even though he knew what they were. He nodded, calming himself. He was too emotional. He tried to answer calmly:

"Touched. If someone had told me that I had the slightest chance of saving you, I would have tried everything. "

That was a fact. Nothing to be ashamed of. Not for that.

"I may not have the ability to show it as well as Doctor McCoy, but you are my friend. I am somewhat of a stranger to human emotional mechanisms, but I can learn. I can be there for you. "

Jim lowered his head to his hands, unfolding his numb fingers from clenching his fists too hard. He scanned his fingers minutely, trying to detach himself from what he was about to say:

"I remember it all, in great detail. It's so vivid, so real, that I still feel like I'm in that airlock, that I'm dying, and I'll never get out... "

He tugged at his fingers. Spock's hands separated his without letting go.

"This pain...this fear...I can't shake it... "

He was exhausted from constantly fighting his emotions. He let his gaze wander over Spock's hands, over the softness of his skin, over the strength in his grip. He took a deep breath.

"I don't want anyone else to have to go through this because of my mistakes as Captain, you understand? "

He forced himself to look up at Spock. The Vulcan looked up as he did, and Jim was transfixed by the depth of the brown eyes in front of him. He remembered how sensitive Spock could be, even if he forced himself to keep his emotions to himself. It was at that thought that Jim realized what he was doing. He let go of Spock as if he had burned him.

"Sorry. "

He cursed himself for forgetting the Vulcan's tactile empathy. He knew that. What a jerk. A Vulcan might consider that an assault.

"Jim. "

Spock brought his hand to his cheek. It was so delicate that he tensed. Spock's thumb slid over his jaw, while his index finger rested on his brow bone. Jim understood what Spock wanted to do only too late.

"Our minds mingle and become one. "

Jim thought of protesting. But the contact between them was already being made.

Jim thought he was falling. He was overwhelmed by a flood of memories, sensations, emotions. He'd been through this before. He tried to regain his footing as Spock refined the images and he heard his voice in his memories. Jim could see many memories of them, each memory bringing him that sweet comforting warmth, making him feel admiration, deep respect and boundless affection.

Then the connection broke. It was very short, much shorter than Spock Prime's story. And different. In every way. Jim reopened his eyes, which he had reflexively closed. Spock's dark gaze was on him as they leaned against each other. He hadn't even realized they had both moved.

Jim gave himself time to take it in and get his thoughts in order again. Spock had just opened up to him. In doing so, it was as if a barrier between them had been broken. What they had just shared was strong, intimate, and Jim could feel the powerful, warm emotion Spock was giving off chase away all his fears. He didn't know how it was possible, but it was the only description he could give of what he was feeling.

And it felt good. He felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. It was all thanks to Spock. He gave him so much, and Jim didn't know how to show his gratitude. Without thinking, he took the hand of the Vulcan who had made the connection between them. Spock's hands were always so warm, and soft, and the sensation of touching his fingers was exilharating. Probably an echo of their telepathic contact.

"Spock-"

The Vulcan withdrew his hand and stepped back.

"You're a good Captain, Jim. And it's time for you to rest. Good night. "

The blond didn't have time to react as Spock walked out the door. Jim stood still for several minutes after he left, still shaken by everything he had just experienced.

Spock was checking the latest reports received on his PADD while on the main deck. One was the latest medical report on James T. Kirk. He and Doctor McCoy had agreed to send these reports privately since they had forced their captain to rest. According to this latest report, Jim was doing better. His vitals were well up, and the doctor felt that Jim's rest over the past few days had done him good.

The Vulcan could only trust the doctor's opinion. He had not seen his captain in the last few days. In fact, they hadn't seen each other since they shared a mental connection. Spock couldn't forgive himself for that mistake. He should never have given in to his urges and connected with Jim. He should never have revealed that part of himself that he had always kept hidden, even from Nyota. Because now he couldn't go back. He couldn't forget what he'd felt.

At least what he had done looked like it had been worthwhile. Jim was in better health. Dr. McCoy expected to rehabilitate him in two days. So he had achieved his goals and his captain would be fit to command again using all his abilities. Although he knew that from now on their relationship would not be the same. Spock had made a mistake and it would cost him dearly. He knew that in the long run, what he had done would have repercussions. It already had.

He couldn't afford, as number one, to keep his distance from his captain. They had only exchanged through digital messaging, without having a direct conversation. Their lack of communication was going to affect their crew. He had to go talk to him. Show up in front of other crew members with him.

Spock left the captain's chair, taking his PADD with him. His watch was over, the Enterprise's speed was reduced and the night crew had taken over. He went through his quarters to drop off his PADD, then went to the officer's deck lounge. Subconsciously, he had known that Jim would be there. He'd sensed it. He knew why.

He entered the lounge. He was not at all surprised to find Jim eating what looked like cornflakes. He was surprised, however, to see him across a chess board from Chekov. At the table behind them, Nyota was talking with Scott and Lieutenant Flemmings from security. He turned his attention back to Jim.

Jim was explaining some rules to the young navigator. Chekov was a good chess player, but he was still far too inexperienced to win against them. The willingness to learn on the part of the young Russian landlubber was admirable.

"This is when you move the rook down to the first board: whatever move the opponent makes, it won't impact. Second turn, you move the knight to the fourth board to take the bishop. This way, you make a breakthrough with your bishop already placed. The rook and the knight will block the queen's moves. "

Jim moved the pieces in question. The smile on his face was fascinating.

"There you go! That's what we call a-"

"Andorian piercing," Spock completed spontaneously.

Jim gasped as he turned to him. His smile was bright.

"That's right, Spock! I'm giving Pavel some tips on how to beat Ikaru. Do you have any advice for him? "

Chekov added:

"I absolutely must beat him, he challenged me in front of Elloria! "

Elloria, the denobulan from the electrical department that Chekov was trying to woo. Spock pondered their request.

"I suggest Narùl's movement as well as the Earth castling. My last suggestion would be to present him with the four-pronged fork. "

Jim grimaced.

"Damn, I suck at forks. I'll let you do it? "

Spock nodded his head in agreement. Jim shifted to the side, taking his bowl of cereal with him. The Vulcan couldn't hold back a comment.

"I'm not sure that bowl is part of a proper evening's diet. "

Jim winked at him as Chekov put the chessboard back in place.

"Bones didn't see anything wrong with my health report, so let me enjoy it! "

Spock turned his head toward the chessboard. His proximity to Jim and Jim's enthusiasm did not help his concentration.

"I still think a more balanced diet would be better for your health. "

Jim leaned toward him, nudging him gently.

"I look forward to your suggestions, Mr. Spock. "

Spock couldn't help but turn his head toward Jim. His blue eyes were sparkling and his smile... He was fixed on his smile.

"How do we proceed with the fork?" asked Chekov as he finished putting the pieces back.

The Vulcan then turned his attention back to the novice, trying to ignore his captain's presence.

"First of all, it's situational. I'll let you open. "

The game began, with Jim looking on with interest.

Spock taught him several different ways to set up the technique and play it. He felt that as the demonstration went on, Jim's attention was gradually drawn to him. Spock could feel his gaze on him, and he was not as unaffected as before. It bothered him. He wished Jim's attention was elsewhere. He was quickly granted his wish.

When Jim waved his hand distantly, Spock immediately turned his attention to the door. He easily recognized Cadet Caleb, who was obviously inviting the Captain to join him. Jim stood up with a smile, taking his bowl with him.

"You're in good hands, Chekov, I don't think I can help you anymore. I wish you gentlemen a good evening. "

Chekov, focused, smiled at the captain.

"Good evening Captain! Thank you very much. "

Jim stepped behind Spock. He gave his shoulder a short squeeze and let his hand slip out.

"My pleasure, Chekov. Commander. "

Spock was unconsciously focused on the warm sensation left by Jim's hand.

"Captain. "

He followed Jim's gaze as he left, waving to Caleb with a smile, and they headed down the hall. What Spock felt in that moment made him wish he had not been paying attention to his captain.

Kirk focused on his reflection to shave his neck. Spock. He had only had to see him for less than an hour to think about him all night, and then again. No, he had been thinking about him since that mind-meld. Clearly, neither of them was taking responsibility for what had happened. The Vulcan was dodging him, and Jim had to admit to himself that he was doing something to keep from meeting him. Because he had been afraid that things would be tense between them.

And they were. For him. As soon as he had seen Spock, he had felt this terrible urge to touch him. But Spock was a Vulcan. He had telepathic touch sensitivity, and that kind of touch was to be abolished. Jim cursed himself. He couldn't stop himself from touching him. Now that he was aware of this need, he was totally confused. He didn't know what to think. He had never felt this need toward Bones or any of his other friends. It couldn't be...

His hand laughed at his jaw line.

"Damn jerk!" he swore reflexively.

Jim immediately rinsed his face, washing away the few drops of blood in his sink. He never cut himself with a razor. Or very rarely. That'll teach him to shave the old-fashioned way when thermal technology was safer.

He resumed his walk and finished getting ready. Today he had a lot to do. His program was finished. All he had to do was run a few simulations and then he could transfer it to an isolinear chip, set it up and just wait for another anonymous message.

Jim hadn't forgotten about this. He had continued to receive these anonymous messages every day. Messages that blamed him for the death of so many people who had been part of their crew. In Jim's memory, the faces were unforgettable. He knew exactly what the capture of Khan had cost them.

He left his quarters and immediately went to the library. At the console, he ran the first set of simulations of his code, pre-recorded in the console. It would take hours to check. He could have left to do something else, but Jim tended to be suspicious now.

Gulping down several cups of coffee throughout the morning, he worked on his PADD, keeping track of the data recorded on the nebula and reviewing all the reports from the various decks on the ship. He consulted the multiple leave requests. Kirk planned to give the crew a leave. For that, he had to decide which base they would stay at.

Jim used another console in the library to project the star map. He knew exactly where the Enterprise was, and in what direction they were going. Once they exited the nebula, they would be close to a few more planets, but they would be outside the Federation. He had to favor bases on the edge of their domain.

There was Tamia IV, which was the closest planet, but they were only on good terms with them and Jim wasn't sure he could do a full resupply. He considered Meralt Station, which was certainly willing to accommodate them, but Jim wasn't sure if he could do a thorough mechanical checkout there. He inquired about the station, only to dismiss the idea.

One by one, he consulted the choices available to him. Immersed in his research, Jim did not see the time pass, even forgetting to eat or check his simulation. His first choice was Kea IV, a planet near the border of the Romulan Empire and a rich and advanced planet. His second choice was the planet Filandria, which was less abundant in food but was very developed technologically. In addition, their friendly ties with the people of this planet were growing, so asking them for assistance could strengthen their contacts with the Federation. And then, to make mechanical replacements, it would be ideal.

Jim privately messaged Spock the list of locations he'd shortlisted for his input. As soon as the Vulcan returned it, Jim would inform the entire crew. It would lighten the mood and ease any tension. This way, everyone would be able to tell their loved ones in advance and see them again before long.

He ran a hand through his hair. He was going to spend his leave with Bones again. Two bachelors, no real close family, drowning their loneliness in alcohol. Maybe Jim should encourage his friend to approach Christine instead. Gently. The opportunity to be away from work might help them get closer, and give Bones a better chance.

And he... well, he would take the opportunity to reach out to Sam and his mother. They had all gone to the colony of Deneva. Sam was working there as a science officer with his wife Aurelan. Winona, their mother, had come to visit and check on her three grandsons. Jim sighed. He hadn't seen his nephews in ages. Sam had told him that his oldest, William, had passed his entrance exams for Starfleet Academy. He would be going to California in a few months.

Jim regretted missing his entrance ceremony. In fact, he regretted missing out on a lot of things in his life. It was the path he had chosen and on the one hand, he didn't regret it. If he had to make the same choices again, he would make them. All of them, without exception. All of them... even touching Spock's hand.

He shook off the cascade of images of Spock that invaded his mind. He was his first officer. His second in command. A Vulcan.

"You look worried. "

Jim jumped in his chair.

"Damn it! Bones! "

The doctor sat down in a chair beside him.

"Did you eat lunch? "

Jim pulled himself together, retrieving his PADD and glancing at the console. The simulation was over, probably a while ago. He ran the code copy on the isolinear chip.

"No, not yet. I'll finish this and go, I'm getting hungry. "

Bones glanced at the screen and frowned.

"I know you must be hungry. It's eight p.m. "

Jim closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I didn't see the time go by. You're not going to make me stay longer, are you?

The doctor grimaced.

"No, Jim. You'll be back tomorrow. What's all this about? Are you coding again? "

Bones waved his hand at the screen. Jim felt as if he had been caught in the act. He hesitated for several seconds between lying, or telling Bones the truth. He looked around, making sure they were alone in the room. He spoke in a lower tone:

"I'll tell you in private, okay? "

The dark-haired man frowned.

"Okay. We'll go to the mess hall first, and then you can tell me all about it. "

Jim nodded.

"I'll finish the copy, then we'll go. By the way, how are things going with Christine? "

Bones looked around, making sure they were alone. He leaned forward and said softly:

"You have a knack for embarrassing people. "

Jim gave a big smile, and Bones started.

Bones frowned, then winced. His expression changed at least twice, from surprise to annoyance to anger. He scrolled through Jim's anonymous messages on the PADD and read them carefully. It took him a moment to read absolutely everything, but when he finished, Jim could see the deep anger he felt. It was rare to see that in his best friend.

"Tell me you filed a complaint. That you reported it. "

The doctor's harsh tone did not sit well with him. Jim turned his head away before answering.

"You're the first person I've told. I don't want this to get out, so no, I didn't report any of this. "

Bones released the PADD.

"Damn it, Jim! The first message was sent over two weeks ago! Didn't it occur to you that this was affecting your mood? Your behavior?! You should have come to me first! "

Jim gritted his teeth.

"I didn't before because I knew you were going to lecture me and I clearly didn't need that. "

Bones took the sting and stepped back. Jim did the same. There was silence between them, before Bones asked:

"Are you going to unmask him with your code? "

Jim relented and answered:

"Yes, whoever is doing this is bypassing the ship's communication system. I'm going to hijack it myself by inserting my chip into a communications terminal. It'll take me less time than checking each of the relays. "

The doctor sighed.

"And what will you do once you know his name? "

The blond looked down at his hands.

"I don't know. I'll see then. "

Bones sighed again.

"You're in a lot of trouble, Jim. Let me know about this one anyway, will you? "

Jim nodded.

"Yeah. I'll go put the chip in place. I'll have my answer soon enough. "

Bones stood up.

"I'll go with you. "

Jim stood up, retrieving the isolinear optical chip from the table.

"Weren't you supposed to meet Christine in the break room? "

The concerned person answered with a growl as he left.

"Yes, I'm going to go. "

Jim smiled as he patted his back.

"Come on, Len, it'll be fine. Just because you haven't flirted in years doesn't mean you're going to screw up. Christine is adorable. "

"Shut up, brat. "

Jim couldn't help but laugh as they got into the turbolift.

"By the way, have you told Spock about this? "

The blond felt a chill run down his back.

"Why do you want me to tell Spock?! What is it with you and Spock? "

Bones widened his eyebrows.

"Easy, man. I'm talking about Spock because he's your second in command! It's more like, what do you have with Spock? I send you to argue with him and you run away like the plasma plague! "

Jim grunted as he exited the turbolift. He placed the isolinear optical chip in a console he had spotted before and made the connections. Bones leaned back against the wall to watch him.

"Nothing," Jim replied a little firmly.

He closed the lid of the console and headed back to the turbolift. He could feel Bones' gaze on him, trying to get at him. Of all the things Bones could imagine, he could only be light years ahead of what Jim imagined when he thought of Spock. They stepped into the hallway.

"Did something happen that I missed? "

"Nothing at all. "

And there was nothing. That's what he told himself on the way to the mess hall.

Until the sound reached their ears. Jim had only heard Uhura sing once, when she thought she was alone. This time she was singing, accompanied by another musical sound. Bones gave his friend a questioning look and they approached the mess hall door. Several members were gathered around Uhura and Spock, who accompanied her with his lute.

Jim had seen Spock play many times. Many times Spock had played with him. Moments that Jim had really enjoyed. Spock had an artistic talent that he didn't often reveal, and the fact that he was sharing this part of himself with others... it made him feel like a ball in the stomach.

Spock and Uhura were quite a pair. There was no denying it, they were a perfect match for each other. Seeing them so in tune, on the same wavelength, Jim wondered why they had broken up. They were good together. Spock seemed fine. With his face bent over his lute, Spock played a soft, happy melody. Jim could feel the relief he could feel.

Spock was handsome as hell. And he was his second in command. And he was a Vulcan. And whatever he was thinking, he had to stop. It couldn't be done. Whatever he was thinking... he had to stop. He lowered his head, before stepping back from the doorway and letting Bones pass. Their eyes met.

"Nothing at all, huh? "

Jim forced himself to smile.

"Enjoy the evening, Bones. "

He stalked down the hallways, eager not to hear that melody again.

His footsteps did not lead him to his quarters. He found himself in the lobby of Deck 10, facing the huge bay window. The last time he had been there, it had led them to share something. Something intimate. And it had ended there. He felt like an idiot, staying fixed on that. It was nothing, it meant nothing. And yet, every sensation remained imprinted in his head.

He sighed, moving closer to the glass. Outside, the lightning bolts were striking the deflectors relentlessly. They seemed powerful, but their shields absorbed the shock. Jim thought to himself that with the light they triggered when they hit the energy field, the lightning must be powerful. His heart sank. He had a bad feeling.

He turned back. Jim would feel better if he checked the data from their scanners. He walked up the hallway when he felt vibrations under his feet, stronger than usual. Jim stepped forward the instant the ship pitched. Once. Then twice.

The stronger jolt threw him against the wall. In front of him, two communications officers had been thrown as well. Jim helped them up, then ran down the corridor to the turbolift. The shaking didn't stop, and the yellow alert went off, lighting up every deck on the Enterprise. Jim cursed himself for not taking his communicator with him.

He entered the turbolift and heard over the speakers:

"All crew members, this is Commander Spock. Our ship is experiencing severe shaking as we pass through a severe magnetic storm-"

He burst out of the corridor and ran to the turbolift on the main deck. The ship shook violently and Jim was thrown against the wall. The lights went out for a moment as he was tossed back and forth in the small, narrow room. He grabbed for the control panel and tried to restart the turbolift. He tried to reach the cables and chips, but everything started up again and the doors finally opened on the bridge.

A real panic. It was nothing like the last time. Alarms were going off, consoles were overloading, reports were coming in of malfunctions on the ship and Scotty was yelling into the intercom that warp drive was down.

Jim walked over to the chair, fixing his gaze on the glass screen. Behind him, he could see the powerful lightning strike the deflectors with violence and see the metal debris bouncing around. Metal. Jim felt his blood run cold in his veins as he saw all the debris from the ships. He looked down at Sulu's replacement.

"Darnell, bring up the exterior panoramic view! "

The pilot did not even look up.

"Aye, Captain! "

And the debris came into sharper focus on the screen. Hundreds of pieces of debris from ships. And it wasn't theirs.

"Chekov! Calculate evasive maneuvers!" he barked.

"The alert is going to red!" warned Spock in the chair.

"Hang on!" shouted Darnell.

All seat belts activated. Jim couldn't get to a seat. He clutched the back of the command chair as Spock was about to give up his seat. Jim pressed firmly on his shoulder and pressed the control to activate the belt.

If they didn't find a solution soon, Jim would order the ship evacuated. In smaller shuttles, they would have a better chance of avoiding the storm. And he would lose his ship. He would risk losing men. It was a risk, but he would do anything to avoid it. Anything he could. He didn't believe in doomed scenarios.

To say he was worried was an understatement. And there was nothing he could do but wait it out. He was useless and that frustrated him to no end. He clenched his hands, not sure if it was to keep himself upright during the shaking or because he was at his wits end.

It was Spock's hand on his arm that made him loosen his grip on his shoulder, probably too firm. The wait seemed endless. They watched the debris hit the deflectors, bounce off and hit others. Then the shaking subsided and Jim released his grip. Finally, after several minutes of complete calm, Darnell signaled to both men. Jim leaned over Spock, shifting to reach the communication button.

"Machine bridge, Scotty, give me a damage report. "

"It's a mess, Captain! One of our pods is damaged and the Warp drive is malfunctioning. We're helpless."

"What can we do to help? "

"I know it's risky while we're on the edge of the neutral zone but... We have to stop the machines. We need to drift..."

There was a long silence. Everyone was weighing the pros and cons. The ship would remain functional for some time in sleep mode. He turned to Spock, who was also thinking. Their eyes met.

"Do you think we won't run into those damn storms while we're in sleep mode? "

"For now, we're safe. Putting the reactors in sleep mode would leave us vulnerable, but it would speed up the repairs that need to be done. "

Jim thought about it, recognizing that while sometimes Spock's answers could seem transparent because of his objectivity, they did have the merit of clearly stating the essentials. That was what he liked about his second in command's information, and that was that it didn't influence his choice. He resumed communication with Scotty.

"Let's say we go along with your idea, can we get them going again in case of an attack? "

"Yes, but if the repairs aren't finished, we won't get very far."

"How long will it take to repair? "

"Hours, days. I can't give you an exact range until we get out there and look."

Jim lifted his head and thought. Several days was a long time. Other ships had been caught in the storm, but they had no way of knowing how long they had been there, or whether they were Federation, Romulan or some other enemy race. But without warp drive, the Enterprise might not be able to leave the nebula. He sighed.

"You have my go-ahead. Get this done as soon as possible Scotty, we're nowhere near an allied zone. "

"Good Captain. Switching power in 3. 2. 1."

The lights barely fluctuated as the power grid switched to life support. Jim straightened up and turned to Uhura:

"Monitor communications and you guys the radars, we don't know how long those ships have been here, it's possible others are looking for them. Spock, break off the alert. "s

He had to go to sickbay now, he didn't want to hear about his men over the intercom. The hull had not been breached, but the shaking had been violent and long. He was lucky he hadn't been injured a second time.

He entered the turbolift, trying to pull himself together. These were things that would probably happen to him more often than he thought during their five-year mission. He had to get used to it. He replaced the turbolift control box and didn't see Spock coming at his back. He would have guessed it anyway. The doors closed and they were alone.

Jim didn't dare look at Spock. Because if he did, he didn't know how he would react. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, dreading the moment when Bones would give him his casualty report. The shaking had been more violent and the damage more extensive. If the Warp drive didn't start again...

Spock's hand came to rest on his shoulder. Jim was so startled that he flinched, causing Spock's hand to flee. Without even thinking, Jim caught it. He needed Spock's touch, to feel his support. He squeezed his hand, thinking he would enjoy the few seconds before the Vulcan pulled away. But he felt another pressure on his fingers and reflexively looked up at Spock.

His heart raced as he met Spock's face. Spock was looking down at their hands, his thumb lightly caressing Jim's. The blond felt a wave of warmth seize him. Spock suddenly looked up at Jim, and whatever emotion he was able to capture, the moment was broken when the turbolift stopped. They let go of each other spontaneously and walked out as if nothing had ever happened.

Still in silence, they made their way to sickbay, where several people were pouring in as they approached. Jim helped a science sign walk and Spock walked past to see if there were any places to sit the injured. There were dozens of people within sight, but it was impossible to determine the severity of the injuries. Bones, Christine, and other medical personnel were moving around, and the team leader was struggling to organize the entrances. When he spotted them, he made his way over to them.

"Jim, Spock! What the hell was that?! "

"The nebula turned out to be more dangerous to traverse than expected. What's up ? "

"So far I've got four critically injured, they were close to the faulty pod and got hit hard. For the rest, a few fractures, sometimes quite ugly. I'll keep you informed. "

"I'll come back later. "

On the way out of sickbay, Kirk stopped in the corridor, thinking hard about what to do next. He turned to Spock, his responsibilities as Captain coming back to him.

"Debris. I want a full analysis of the images we have. I want to know whose ship it was and what happened. That's your number one priority. "

"Yes, sir. "

Spock walked away as Jim went back the other way, returning to the main bridge. They both had a heavy responsibility on their shoulders.