A/N 1 Some things you need to know, and you may have forgotten.

First the underlying concept is could Charina exist. In canon, they don't seem to be compatible at that level. So, in fanfic, people seem to change Carina, make her more Sarah like.

I thought what if it was Chuck who changed.

This is not action or intrigue. This is drama, exploring personalities and personal journeys.
Action and missions tends to happen off screen, and large periods of time we be jumped over and referred to as needed.

So this AU diverts after Chuck was offered the Rome assignment. Also circumstances, such as they are, never led to Other Guy and American hero, or Tic Tac, which occurs later in Season 3.

There are 2 main premises to this fic.

1 Chuck is a Human, not a Saint. He is a fallible human, imperfect, and capable of making big, stupid mistakes.

2 Chuck firmly believes, in his core, that he has to be a real spy to be with Sarah. She seems to prefer them, and he feels he will always be inadequate otherwise. Charles Carmichael is who he feels he must be. Ain't it a bitch that becoming a spy lost him Sarah.

A/N 2 Chuck makes it back to L.A. More will come. Let's see how Charles Carmichael's life proceeds.

Standard Disclaimer – Don't Own Chuck or any of the characters. Just own an active imagination. Not making any money off this. Wish I was making more with my imagination, elsewhere.

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Thanksgiving dinner filled Chuck's belly with comfort food. Spending Thanksgiving Day in Casa de Woodcomb, with Ellie and all of their variants of family, fill him with comfort. Ellie, Devon and baby Clara, Morgan and his mom, and a couple of Ellie and Devon's family-less friends from the hospital, Rob and Magda, filled the table and the room with happy chatter and comradery.

This is the greater good, this is what I am protecting, this is what I am sacrificing for, he recognized as he allowed himself to be immersed in the moment, past and future not allowed to intrude on this perfect moment. He firmly believed that. He had to believe that.

The morning had started somewhat lazily as Ellie insisted that he relax for breakfast. By 10 he was showered and dressed and in the kitchen helping Ellie, in any way she would permit. The Turkey was well under way, but he could chop vegetables as good as the next nerd. And it gave him a chance to chat with Ellie and Devon, and lay out more of the cover story. He never could have imagined that lies and half-truths would become the norm in his relationship with the most important person in his life.

I know with great power comes great responsibility. But, I thought that was about defending the defenseless. I didn't know it was the responsibility to lie. The responsibility to deny your heart, give up on love, and barely allow friendship. The responsibility to be willing to take a life. They never mention that in the movies. He thought, shaking his head.

He needed to mention Carina, in case she ended up in the picture, and he didn't want to do it in front of Morgan. He remembered Morgan's infatuation and didn't need that energy in the mix.

"Hey Ellie, you remember that red haired friend of Sarah's?"

"Was that Carly? No that's not right." she struggled to remember.

"Carina" he supplied.

"Yeah, that's it Carina. What about her?" she warily inquired with an arched eyebrow.

To quickly calm Ellie's quick mind and imagination, Chuck tried to downplay things. "Nothing big, I just ran into her over there, and have been hanging with her, from time to time. Check this out, she's doing modeling for some of the fashion houses in Italy."

"Well, I can believe that," Ellie chuckled, as Devon whistled and gave Chuck a wink, listening along. "She was lean, toned, and had legs up to the sky. It always seemed kind of odd that her and Sarah weren't models."

"Well that's another one of the Universes mysteries that I can't explain," he quickly responded trying to make sure that She didn't sidetrack the conversation and make it a tour down melancholy lane. "But Carina is totally stoked about it, and seems to be having the time of her life."

"And Sarah's not with her?" Ellie questioned, widening her eyes with a mama bear's inquisitiveness.

"Nah, I think Sarah's out on the East coast. I've asked Carina not to talk about her. I want our time together to be about fun, not me falling into another Jill funk." he replied.

"So are you two serious?" Ellie asked, as Devon followed with, "Or, are you interested in any of her friends? Supermodels, Chuck! Supermodels! That's Awesome!" as he held his hand up for a high five.

Chuck, slapped it and laughed, replying, "No El nothing serious with Carina. Like I said, I'm not ready for anything serious. There isn't a Mrs. Bartowski anytime soon in your future. It's just fun." "And no, I am not going to tell you what goes on at the parties. That's classified." He said with a grin and wiggle of his eyebrows. He stuck out his tongue for good measure.

"Oh, your life is top secret now? I didn't know modeling involved government secrets." she rejoined, slapping him in the chest.

If she only knew. "OK, maybe not TOP secret," he humorously corrected. "But Ellie, I am serious about breaking out of my shell. I'm going to try new things. Probably some stupid things. Probably some things I will regret." Definitely some things I regret. "Ellie, I need you to be my safe harbor. I need someplace to forget what I have done and what the world has done to me." he said, knowingly looking into her eyes. "I need you to keep seeing me as your little brother, silly, funny, and innocent." Please see me as innocent. His knowing look took on a pleading aspect.

"Sure," she replied, reaching up and rubbing his head, "'Little' brother." She over exaggerated her stretch to reach his head. "I'll always remember you are a goofy little twerp, regardless of what stupid crap you do."

And on that note, the first guests arrived. Chuck went to the door to greet them. It's good to be home.

At dinner it all just filled him, permeating him completely with the comfort of home. It felt so good. But, he knew if he stayed it would be lotus eating. And this time he would know he was just existing, not living.