Hello, and welcome to a new story! This is all pre-written and ready to go, so no waiting around. The first couple of chapters might sound strange, but you'll get the gist pretty soon. ;)
WARNING: Some of the content in this story is borderline crackfic, totally inappropriate, and there's some seriously questionable wording.
I don't own anything apart from the plotline etc... This will cover all chapters because I'm crap at remembering to put it up at the beginning of each chapter.
Rach, don't kill me... Bwhahahahaha
A Word from his Princess:
So, you bought the book.
Was it because of the title or the summary? Did you think this book was about anal sex because of the tagline? Or were you just intrigued by me, and what was going through my mind? Also, are you just a reader wanting to broaden your reading list or an author who wanted to know what the hell this person—me—was going on about?
If you answered yes, or no, to any of the above, then pull up a comfy chair, make sure any and all liquids (or solids for that matter) are out of harm's way, and join us on this little journey of strangeness. I call it strangeness because I have a very twisted way of thinking.
Let me explain.
It has long been known that I am the kooky one in my family. I ramble and let my thoughts overtake anything else. Sometimes, on bad days, those thoughts come out of my mouth at the worst possible time, but it's all good fun. Usually. Sort of.
When I was little, my teachers said I wouldn't amount to anything if I didn't concentrate. I remember one meeting with the teacher quite clearly. My mother was upset, while my father laughed a little then winked at my grandmother—because she just had to be there— and me when I asked the teacher an especially important question.
Why did I have to amount to anything if I was to be just a wife?
I'd been five or six, so I had no grasp on what a wife was. I just wanted to play in the playhouse with Toby, my boyfriend for all of three days, and make pretend food with Play-Doh and beads. I knew that my mom was a wife and she stayed at home all day, talked on the phone with her friends, and did housework. I knew no different.
When I grew up a little bit, and my brat of a brother Liam came along, my head was still in the clouds. It wasn't until my grandmother kicked the bucket that my head come back down to earth a little bit.
I was still eclectic and enjoying the ever-loving fluff out of life, but just as the teachers had predicted, I hadn't amounted to anything. Well, that's not technically true.
You see, just a few months ago, my life changed for the better.
I didn't see it at the time because I was too wrapped up in stuff, but it's all good now, and this story, along with my favorite blog posts, will give you a little glimpse into my life. Then maybe, just a little, my fiancé and my all-round pain in the ass of a boss (in case you didn't know, they're one and the same) will get off my back about writing this damn book.
The blog posts contained herein aren't in any particular order; they're just my favorite ones, the ones that my readers have loved the most. It isn't my intent to offend any of you when you read them, but I needed to make valid points of some issues which I discovered when reading what is being published currently.
Yours thankfully (I think that's the right term to use)?
Bella
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A word from her Prick-a-Doodle-Do
(Just so you know, I hate the name):
Please do not judge or blame me for the content of this book. Even though she's my fiancé and employee, alas, I have no control over her whatsoever.
Edward
So, how did this story start? Well, I wrote it to publish it. Then I left it to the side to work on other bits. Then, after chatting with some people, I thought about doing a name change thingy and giving it to you for free. For shits and giggles, because let's face it, we all need a laugh these days. So here it is :D
Updates will be a couple of times a week.