Harvey comes back late that night. Mike invites him for a burger because since they arrived in Seattle, they hadn't had an outing just for them and while they enjoy double dates; they also missed this.

Harvey warns Donna by a voice message when she has already arrived at home, and although she is a little disappointed when she listens, she replies by a text message: "Enjoy the night Harvey, I'll be at home, but I can't promise to be awake when you arrive." If she responded with a voice message, Harvey would know something was wrong with her and had no intention of ruining his night.

It's not that it bothers her that he goes out with Mike. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's that today is one of those damn days where she needs to disarm in his arms until she feels her pieces come back together.

After finishing the chat with her husband, she sets up a foam bath in her jacuzzi, pours herself a glass of red wine, and dives there. She doubts whether to play music, but decides not to, although she doesn't know if it's a wonderful decision to focus on her thoughts. As soon as she dives into her luxurious bathtub, she also immerses herself in her thoughts and quickly her head turns into a labyrinth with no way out.

Good, she thinks. We've paid for this tub the money which many people earn in a year because it's what relaxes me the most, but I can't stop crying like an idiot.

She wipes her tears with her hand, not realizing that it was full of foam, and immediately feels her eyes burning and curses herself loudly.

Not being able to open her eyes from the burning, she opens the tap water and rinses her hands, so that she can rinse her eyes and feels even more stupid.

When she can calm the itching of her eyes, angry removes the plug from the tub and lets the damn water leave while finishing her glass of wine with a single long sip.

She hugs her knees, watching as the water goes down around her and hates feeling so vulnerable. It's that he can't stand it. She's Donna Paulsen, empowered enough not to feel like shit, sad, pathetic, and humiliated in her luxurious bathtub.

She stands there staring at a fixed point: wiggling her toes restlessly and with tears falling down her cheeks.

The cold floods her and her body already hurts from being in the same position so long ago, but she feels unable to move.

She can't help but think about that stupid woman and all her stupid comments about her life.

She thinks of her cousin, who throughout her childhood told her she should cover her freckles because they were not pretty.

She remembers that friend of her mother who used to ask her if she had already gotten a boyfriend since she was 13 years old. Whenever she saw her. Always.

She thinks of that uncle who always talked about her body, about how it was taking time to develop and she would have to worry about having 15 and that "kid body."

She thinks of her mother repeating to her throughout her adolescence that she should lose a few pounds, to look more attractive and get a boyfriend soon.

She remembers every time that someone made a comment (that no one has asked for) about her body, about whether that dress covers too much, or shows too much, about her measurements, about her hair, about her unfriendly face because she didn't rest well the night before. Or even worse, the comments: "That mood is why are you about to have your period?"

Every time they opined about her life decisions as if someone other than her had the right to decide how to spend her life.

Every comment they have made about their relationship with Harvey, every comment that made her feel as if her only attribute was to be pretty and a woman who could satisfy him sexually. As if her achievements weren't hers. As if all that was just a gift from him.

She pretends not to, but accumulating all that for years in the mind and body hurts like shit.

She hides her face on her knees, wrapping herself tight. She hates so much that insecurity breaks her that way.

She starts shivering, so she stops behaving like a complete idiot and gets up from there, puts on her bathrobe, dries her feet, and leaves the empty glass in the kitchen. She returns to the bathroom, washes her teeth and face, skipping several steps of her usual skincare routine because she really feels without energy, then looks for clean panties and pajamas and once she is ready, she lies down in the soft sheets and let them cover her up to her head.

She literally needs to disappear from the world for a while.

She usually has that feeling of disappearing in her husband's arms, but now the bed they share is the closest thing she can have.

She realizes she is crying again and also makes mental accounts and knows that it is a few days before her period arrives. Stupid hormones! She whispers angrily, but that's not what makes her cry less.

As if life wasn't enough, dealing with these hormonal changes monthly sometimes done uphill, and while she knows that this would make her cry anyway, she feels more idiotic about crying even more of a few tears. Or perhaps it's that her mind is a labyrinth, with no way out and looking for excuses to feel less vulnerable.

She doesn't know how much time she spent there, but calculates that quite a lot and a sense of relief invades her when she hears Harvey's keys enter the lock.

She wipes her tears quickly, though she knows her swollen face will betray her before Harvey can say hello.

She waits for Harvey to appear in the room, her body turned toward the door and the blankets covering her, only leaving her eyes and forehead exposed.

Harvey enters as stealthily as he can, but Donna quickly interrupts him before he finishes opening the bedroom door.

"Don't worry, I'm still awake," Donna says in a hoarse voice.

Harvey finishes opening the door and looks at her for a few seconds. "Are you okay?" He asks tenderly.

"No, can you hurry and come here? I really need you to hug me."

"Hey..." Harvey says and sits on the bed, runs his hand through her hair, and kisses her head. "Do you feel bad?"

"Yes, but I'm not sick." She quickly clarifies. "Please change your clothes to sleep and come here with me." She whispers.

"Should I worry?"

"Worry if in 5 minutes I am not curled up against you, because I have been waiting for him for hours." She says, trying not to sound demanding, but she doesn't succeed.

"Did you get angry because I went out with Mike?" He asks, confused.

"No, Harvey. I was a little angry that it was just today, but I would never be angry because you are going out with him."

"You could have told me and..."

Donna interrupts him. "Are you going to sleep in a suit or change to get into bed?"

"Ok, I understand." He says giggling sweetly with his lips on her forehead and gives her a kiss there. "I'll come quickly, I promise."

"Please," Donna begs, squeezing his arm.

Harvey gets out of bed already unbuttoning his shirt, finishes taking off his clothes, looks for his sleep shorts, and brushes his teeth.

3 minutes later, Harvey lies next to her, under the blankets and in front of her, rubs his feet with her feet, accommodates her hair behind her ear, and kisses her forehead softly, but before he finishes the kiss, Donna makes him twist on his back and clings with her whole body to his, and she starts to sob uncontrollably. Harvey immediately wraps her with his arms, moving his thumbs over her skin. Donna rests her cheek and hand on his bare chest, looking for the beat of his heart. Harvey supports his chin in her head and just lets her cry for several minutes, trying to figure out what is happening, but he doesn't know.

Donna finally lets herself hold by the man she loves and allows herself to cry everything she needs, because in these months with him she learned she can disarm herself until the last piece when needs it because in his arms she will always find the shelter she needs to rearm herself.

"I'm worrying a bit..." He murmurs.

Donna smiles tenderly and gives him a kiss on his chest. "I know I'm crying like a kid, but it's not like I'm dying." She giggles amid her tears.

Harvey chuckles against her forehead and hugs her tighter. "Good to know."

Donna raises her head so she can look at him "It's kinda stupid why I'm crying, I feel silly, and it's something we never talked about and..." Her voice is interrupted with a hiccup by her constant crying and she frowns her face.

"Wait..." He says, wiping her tears by dragging his little finger down her cheeks. "You are not silly and nothing that hurts you it's stupid to me, and it's okay, you can talk to me about whatever you need."

Donna nods, without being able to speak, and sits suddenly on the bed. Harvey sits next to her.

"Do you want some water?"

"Yes, please."

"I'm going to look for some." He tells her, gives her a kiss on the shoulder, and goes for the water.

A few minutes later, Donna already drank more than half of the glass in short sips and now she holds the glass with both hands, looking at the blankets.

She feels Harvey's palm on her lower back and turns her head to meet his husband's warm gaze. Donna smiles weakly and Harvey takes the glass out of her hands to leave it at one of the night tables.

"Now that I think about it, yes, it's silly," Donna says with embarrassment. "I've made a fuss for nothing."

"Your emotions are not a fuss to me," Harvey tells her honestly.

Donna doesn't respond, she just approaches him to press her lips against his own faintly, only to feel him, Harvey responds, kissing her sweetly.

"I wanna know," Harvey whispers on her lips.

Donna nods and, after giving him one last brief kiss, sits against the back of the bed to start talking.

"Today I went out for lunch alone. I was going to go with Rachel but she was late for a meeting, passed through your office and you were also in a meeting, so I went alone. I ordered a vegetarian sandwich and since it was miraculously sunny, I went with my sandwich and drink to the square and sat on a bench for lunch."

Harvey puts his hand on hers, which is resting on the mattress and only gives her space to keep talking.

"Do you know Emily? The lady who works in administration?"

"I've seen her."

"Well, without an invitation, she sat next to me with her lunch." She pauses. "I woke up overwhelmed today and had no patience to engage in pleasant conversations with people I don't know." She shrugs. "But, it's that she started talking, and told me things that were extremely hurtful, without giving me a place to respond. I swear I felt again a misunderstood teenager that her parents are reprimanding without hearing what she has to say, and I became a kid, just waiting for her to finish speaking. And it gets me furious because I don't want to be like that!" She says angrily and her eyes flood again.

Harvey squeezes her hand and gets closer to her, Donna crosses her leg over his and lets drop her head on his shoulder.

"She made an awful monologue, Harvey." She says, voiceless.

Harvey hugs her on her side and caresses her arm with his hand. "Do you want to tell me?" He asks sweetly and kisses her forehead.

"She started asking me about my age, and then about us..." She lifts her head from her shoulder and lowers her gaze. "That she knew some about us from Mike and Rachel, that how could we be so stupid to waste so much time..." Donna drops a tear down her cheek that Harvey catches before it falls down her chin. "She started talking and criticizing out of nowhere." She wants to keep talking, but she drowns in her own cry. "Why does everyone get into our life with their opinions? Only you and I know everything we have gone through to get here, and only you and I know what always existed between us."

Harvey takes her by the chin gently so she can look at him and looks her in the eyes for a few seconds, moving his thumb on her cheek. "You're absolutely right about it, and I don't mind anyone else understanding it." Donna nods, in a weak way.

"When she knew we got married from one moment to another, she said she had thought we had done it because I was pregnant..." Donna sighs. "She didn't even know us, Harvey! And that when she met us and knew the truth, she became sad because maybe we could never have children... Madam, what's wrong with you? She spent over 20 minutes talking to me about how I lost my time, about how my fertile years have already passed, and that if it happens now, it would be a miracle… Harvey, she never asked me if it was something I wanted! She never asked if I had ever had an unpleasant experience, or if I had tried it, with you or with another person. If maybe I have a medical problem, if we have tried it, if you have a problem, if I have lost any pregnancy… nothing! She just spoke alone, treating me as a shit that will soon fail and cannot do the only thing a woman should do. I wanted to answer her, but I couldn't... " Donna says, full of anguish. "I know very well what age I am! I don't need to remember that I'm drying out inside. Literally, these were her words. And she didn't even bother knowing if it was something I wanted... And sorry, I know we haven't talked about this yet and it wasn't like I wanted to talk to you about it." Donna wipes her tears with her trembling fingers. "Why does everyone assume that all women naturally want and can have babies? What if I don't want to? What if I have any conditions? What if I lost a baby? What the fuck Harvey?" Harvey wants to answer, but Donna interrupts him. "I'm so tired of always hearing unsolicited opinions about myself, my body, my life, my decisions, my relationships, my job, my marriage! Why, Harvey?" She sighs with fury. "About my appearance, about my body, my clothes, what I do, what I don't, how I behave... I have had to endure misogynistic and sexist comments about us for so many years... You know that most people think I worked there because I gave you sexual favors, right?" She asks with her flooded eyes and her lip trembling.

"Donna..." Harvey whispers and wipes her tears again with his thumbs.

"It's the truth. I've heard it enough times. And I've heard how my family, friends, opined about my life, how I was letting a train pass, how I was wrong to leave Mark, Thomas... And to every couple I had, about how stupid I was for being in love with a man who for a long time denied what I felt for me."

"Sorry," Harvey mutters with guilt.

"It's not your fault, Harvey, it's been hard, but every night that I fall asleep with you next to me and every morning I can curl up in you when I haven't opened my eyes yet… It makes everything worthwhile. I'm so happy with you, and I don't understand why this lady has to come to comment on our life, happiness, love, marriage... And I couldn't answer. I don't understand why!"

"Come here, please." Harvey murmurs, opening his arms towards her.

Donna immediately takes refuge in him, and he holds her against his body. He settles against the back of the bed, and she against him, making herself a bun in his arms.

"First... You're not drying out, Donna! What the fuck is that?" He says with anger. "We all get older. It's normal. Right?"

"That will mean my fertile periods will end."

"I know, but it's not the way to say it! And I also know it's not the only way to have a family. Right?"

"Right."

"I know it's a conversation we should have, and we'll have it... But, whatever decision we'll make, we'll do it together and will choose the path that best seems to us for our life. Okay? No one else, more than you and me, can give an opinion." Donna sighs with relief and nods with her head." And I would prefer to speak it when you don't cry."

Donna giggles with shame. "I'm sorry. "

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I feel super silly." She sobs, curling more in him.

"You're not, I promise you," Harvey responds sweetly, removing a few locks of hair from her face.

"I've been collecting comments for many years, sorry if I exploited with you."

"Donna... Seriously, you don't have to ask me for forgiveness."

"I didn't want to bring this topic out this way with you... But if it's something I've been thinking about since we settled here, it's a conversation we need to have."

"I also had it in mind some time ago..." He confesses to her. "And it's okay, seriously, this changes nothing." He kisses her hair. "And if one day you need me, I can cancel a burger with Mike."

She giggles tenderly. "Okay, you are here now." She whispers to him and loosens ever more in his arms. "Sorry if I can't be super-powerful all the time."

"You don't have to be with me. I like that you share with me all your parts, even the most vulnerable."

"You know, I cried alone for many years and it gives me a lot of peace to know that I can disarm in your arms and that you won't let go of me."

"I never will." He mutters. "You are much more than anything that everyone else can say, and with me you will always have a safe place." Donna nods and they stand there for several minutes, hugging each other and with their minds quite racing, but at peace for being held on each other.

Donna gets up and sits on the bed. "I'll go wash my face before sleep," She says in a hoarse voice.

"Okay, I'm waiting for you here." He answers, touching her lower back.

Donna gives him a tiny smile and a few minutes later, she is back in bed.

Harvey won't let her settle in, he grabs her under his body and starts kissing her face, while tickling her on the sides of her body and she can't help but laugh.

"Harvey!" She complains, trying to break free.

"What?" He asks, tickling her neck with his nose.

"Come on, this is not fun!"

"Isn't it? You are laughing!" He says, still catching her under his body.

"I know." She laughs long and Harvey doesn't give up, in fact, he doesn't slow down and tickles her until Donna is crying, but this time laughing.

"Yes, I was checking it out, but I definitely like you more when you cry by laughing," Harvey tells her by looking at her, taking her hands with his own above her head, leaving them on the mattress attached.

Donna purses her face tenderly. "It scares me how much I love you." She confesses.

"I thought I was the only one who thought that."

"No, in fact, it's something that has happened to me since we met." She admits.

"Me too..." He responds and gives her a kiss on the nose. "I guess it's something else we can figure out together, right?"

She smiles. "With you by my side, I encourage myself to do anything, even this love that sometimes scares me."

"I don't scare you, right?" He asks her, sounding funny and she laughs. "Yes, I know..." He pauses. "You are an idiot!" He says imitating his wife's voice and she laughs again.

"You are." She confirms. "Especially because you don't let go of me and I can't make you kiss me." She says, trying to raise her head.

"You would have warned me before..." He tells her, slowly approaching her lips. "I could never refuse." He murmurs on her lips and captures her lower lip among his own gently.

They both relax their bodies, Donna's limbs cling to his body, and he falls on hers.

The two enjoy kissing themselves undistressed and looking for nothing else, just trying to show some of that love that sometimes frightens them, but that will always keep them together, whatever happens, and decide what they decide.

A/N:

I wrote this fic being quite angry with something that happened to me a few months ago and decided that maybe it was worth publishing it and not letting it die among my Drive files.

If you've read it, I really would like to know what you think about it. And I don't have much more to say this time. Thanks for reading!