It's Friday. I can finally breathe. The weekend is here!
~ First view of the Alien ~
"Can you call our new baby Poppy?" Ashley's cute voice came over Facetime as I ate breakfast. I should have called it lunch, but I was working backward today. It was nearly midday and I'd only just calmed my stomach down enough to try some Granola.
"Why Poppy, sweetheart?" I asked. I didn't know if this was a live stream of her or if I was actually babysitting her over technology. Rose was around somewhere, I was sure, but I hadn't seen or heard of her yet.
"I like poppies. They're pretty like you," she replied sweetly. Such a suck-up, but I loved it. And, yes, she's started saying that my baby was 'our' baby. Too damn cute for words.
"Does mommy know you're on the phone to me?"
"Mommy's pooping and told me to not break the house," Ashley pouted while I laughed.
"You're such a good girl,"
"Where's Edward?"
"He's at work, sweetheart," I replied and smiled at her nodding head.
"Does he work with lady flowers, too? Daddy works with lady flowers and says they all look the same to him, but poppies don't look like daisies, do they, so they're different, right?"
I could have died! I was trying so hard not to cough out my Granola or pee myself.
"Daddy works with different types of flowers, sweetheart, maybe you should ask him about them later, okay?"
.
So, here I am, first thing on a Tuesday morning, trying not to pee my pants, quite literally, waiting outside the maternity department at our local hospital for my baby daddy. I hate that expression, by the way. Baby daddy. It just suits Prick, and I also know that he hates it, so, of course, I'm going to keep saying it. I'm pregnant and irrational.
Prick really did need to hurry up because my bladder was going to explode.
"Bella! I'm sorry I'm late, Mom called this morning, and I couldn't get her off the phone for ages. She's still bitching at me." Edward gasped as he ran to a stop in front of me then gripped his side with a stitch. No sympathy, fucker. I needed to pee. Pee trumps stitch pain.
"No problem, let's just get in there so they can scan and I can pee," I whimpered. Maybe I should walk along with my legs crossed. It would be difficult, but I'd do it if I had to.
"You should really have gone before you left this morning, Bella. Holding onto urine can increase your chances of kidney and bladder infections and also cystitis." He said seriously.
He was actually going there with this shit? Was it not bad enough that he was quoting baby book stuff at me? Is he now going to turn into my doctor as well? I signed myself in and glared at the lady behind the desk as she eyed my companion, ignoring me.
"You do know that this man is my partner. We're having a baby together." I growled at her, slightly going overboard with the whole growling thing I had developed.
"Huh?" She asked, refusing to take her eyes off Edward.
"Listen, Missy, Man – mine, Job – yours. If you want to keep it, get your eyes off of him," I growled again as Edward giggled like a schoolgirl.
"The doctor's running about twenty minutes behind this morning. One of them was late in, and it's set everything back," she simpered towards Edward.
Bitch.
"If I find out that it was your 'brother' that was late this morning because he wanted his damn coffee again, he won't be having any more kids this side of the millennium," I huffed as I took some leaflets from the counter and sat down. Oh lovely. What to expect when you have piles. Really?
"Emmett will be here? I thought you said that you wouldn't be seeing him much because the health center worked mainly with midwives." Edward asked with a confused tone.
In theory, I should have changed doctors, because they were so close and there's this conflict of interest crap, but Dad said he came highly recommended. And I wanted the best. Edward wanted the best, too, until he found out that Emmett's fingers might have to go near me. It was true that I would see a midwife more than Emmett, but I kinda wanted to keep him on board. It gave me more ammo for when me and Rose got together. All I had to do was giggle in front of him, and he was on the phone to her, whining about spilling their secrets. So much fun on rainy days.
"Yeah, I haven't got round to changing doctors yet," I whispered, feeling slightly guilty that I still hadn't told Edward that I wanted to keep Emmett around. Edward said I could trust him, he just didn't want Emmett's hands anywhere near my private parts. I didn't want any hands near my bits at the moment, so we were both in agreement with that. For the time being.
"I need to pee," I groaned as my knee started to bounce.
"Bella, you're thinking in a negative way. Think happy, positive thoughts," Prick mused as he looked at a baby book.
What the fuck! Was he freakin' Peter fucking Pan?
"Fine, I'll think positive thoughts," I growled, "I'm gonna pee myself, I'm gonna pee myself…"
"Bella, please, you're making me want to go now," he moaned as he crossed his legs. Did that even work on a man? Couldn't they just put their thumb over the end of it? Not in public, obviously…
"I can't stand this." I got up and went to find a nurse. When I did spot one, I ran to her side. Remind me to never run on a full bladder again.
"Miss, I really need to go to the toilet, but my scan is soon. I promise to sit here and drink a shed load of water, but please say I can go to the toilet now before it starts leaking out of me uncontrollably," I whimpered at her horrified face.
"Yeah, sure, just um . . . Try and hold some in, you know, just let out a little bit," she answered hesitantly.
Do you use emoticons at all? You know the one with the big eye and the small one like you're giving a raised eyebrow? Yeah, that was me.
"Have you ever tried to stop peeing when you have a baby using your bladder as a mattress?" I asked as I walked off to the toilet.
.
And the Angels sang Hallelujah. Pure bliss. Heaven. I felt like I could breathe.
.
"Feel better?" Prick asked with a grin as I sat back down.
"You try holding in that much fluid," I bitched back at him as I pulled out a bottle of water from my purse. In one end and out the other. Or in my case, it's mostly coming out the same way it went in.
"No, thanks," he laughed.
"Bella Swan?" A nurse called my name from a clipboard, and I jumped up, eager to get this part of the appointment out of the way.
"You want me to come with you?" Prick asked expectantly.
"Sure," I shrugged a shoulder then followed the nurse to be weighed and bitched at for my lack of bladder control. Once I was thoroughly horrified over my weight gain, we were ushered into another room for the scan. How on earth can I gain weight when I can't eat anything?
"I hate these gowns," I moaned as I folded up my clothes and put them on the spare chair in the corner, failing to keep my gown together at the back.
"Oh, I don't know, the view is pretty good," Edward mused as he eyed my ass with a grin.
"And if you want to see any more of that view, you'll stop staring at it right now," I retaliated. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he liked what he saw. I felt like hell, was constipated, throwing up everything that hit my stomach, and my skin looked like I was fourteen again. At what point did he find me attractive?
"Well, good morning, Bella Swan, long time no fuck!" And that would be Emmett making a grand appearance while spilling his hot coffee all over his hand.
"Long time no fuck, indeed, Emmett. How's my little angel today?" I grinned widely, knowing full well that we have never and would never fuck. Ew.
"Well, thanks to you, I had to have the sex talk with her. It was like water off a duck's back to her but scarred me for life, so thanks. Then, of course, this morning she emptied the entire contents of the Q-tips pot down the toilet along with a red and orange yo-yo that I've never seen before. You didn't give it to her, did you? And Edward, how's you? It's been a few days. We should really get together more often. Hey, there's a game this weekend, you up for it? I can leave the wife at home with Ashley, and we can go and down a few beers." He was as giddy as a schoolboy.
"Hello, Bella is in the room, showing off her hoo-ha, so how about you at least include me in the conversation," I growled.
"Shit, sorry, Sister," he grinned.
Sister?
"Huh?" It was my turn to splutter.
"Well yeah, he's my frat brother. So…Welcome to the family, Sister," he grinned as he picked up a huge thing with a lead.
"What the hell is that?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"A scanning wand thing, I can never remember the name of it. Well, I can remember it, I just can't pronounce it," he chuckled as he slipped a cheap condom over it. I was officially scared shitless. I didn't want my doctor chuckling and not remember the name of the instruments he was going to use on me! In me!
"Why the fuck are you getting Harry Potter's wand ready to put near me? That thing isn't going anywhere near me!" I hollered. It was over a foot long! Okay, maybe not that long, but damn!
"Bella, this is a trans… Trans something internal scanner mabob. You emptied your bladder so I will have to use this," he replied somewhat apologetically.
"Fine, but please rest assure that I will no longer have you being my doctor after this," I huffed.
"Aw, and I liked our meetings so much," he chuckled as Edward growled.
It took a few minutes to get things settled and started. It felt really uncomfortable. I didn't know what was worse. Emmett, of all people, doing this to me. Prick being next to me while Emmett was doing this to me. Or having an internal scan being performed by Emmett while Prick was next to me and they were talking sports. I didn't care who scored what!
"Here we go, ladies and gentleman. Your first glimpse at the next generation of - shit!" Emmett sucked in a huge breath as he started pushing buttons and wiggling around the wand. Seriously, it felt like he was mixing up a batch of brownies in there!
"Hey, my internal organs are in there as well," I huffed.
"Erm, Bella, Edward, you gotta see this," he said in awe as Prick stood up to look at the screen and I craned my neck to see.
"What, what is it?" I asked worriedly.
"Twins," Edward gasped before going white.
Sheet white. His eyes fluttered slightly before he hit the floor.
"Edward!" I screeched from the bed, wand still in me and Emmett chanting 'twins' over and over.
"Emmett! The Prick's fallen!" I almost screamed.
"Oh, he's fine, Bella," he said nonchalantly with a wave of his hand. "Just let him sleep it off. You're having twins!"
Oh shit.
For those of you who have been with me from the start, you may notice a few similar bits from a very, very old story of mine, Tick Tock (No, not the app). This will not be following the end of that story. I just nabbed the really good bits.
How are you this week? Are you being safe? Are you well?
This week has been rough for me. Mum had her test results back and it looks like she has some heart damage from COVID. It's a scary, scary thing, so please, I beg of you, don't make light of this virus.
((hugs))