Hello again, friends! I wanted to take more time with this new chapter, because I've been away for so long, but it came together easier than I thought it would, and I feel it's a good chapter to start things back up with. There's a bit of flashback, and it also jumps to where I last left off. Hopefully you like it. I did a read-through of the entire story this week as I wrote the new chapter to make sure I don't miss any details, and I just want to apologize for the terrible writing I gave you in the first 60ish chapters. It was cringe-worthy, and I am embarrassed by most of it. Recently, just before this fun pandemic we're in, I actually graduated with an MFA in creative writing, so I think I've improved a little bit with this new chapter haha! Of course, I can only edit so much before I have to post it, so pardon any silly typos, but I feel that this is much better quality than a lot of the older chapters. I hope that you like how I picked up the pieces and how the characters are presented on the page.

I also want to thank everyone who has stuck around from the beginning, as well as all the new readers. I definitely want to keep this going now that the spark is back. As always, I appreciate your feedback and your support and kind words. I hope you enjoy it. Also, leave a comment telling me what you think. Tell me what you want to see. All of that cool stuff. In the past, people have wanted more flashback. Others wanted more time with young Sasuke or hints about whether or not Kakashi would ever be an actual love interest. So leave your thoughts. I'd love to read them!

"Here," Itachi said, holding up a flower, bright red, it's petals curled, long and thin like spiders' legs.

"What?" Kokoa laid in the grass with an arm over her eyes to block out the sun that beamed through the branches of the forest's tall trees. The two wandered out there after a long day at the academy. She tilted her head to look back at Itachi.

"For you." He handed it to her. Kokoa rolled to her side, careful not to squash the flower.

"Itachi-san, it's beautiful," she said. Do you know what kind of flower this is?"

"Uh. The red kind?" He shrugged his shoulders, never the one interested in plants. Kokoa laughed at him.

"I mean, you're not wrong," she said. She set the flower down in front of her. She got comfortable on her stomach and propped her head up with both hands, her elbows pressed into the soft grass.

"It's called the higanbana, Itachi-san," she said. "A spider lily." Itachi leaned closer to the flower.

"It does look like a spider, now that you mention it," he said. "How do you know?"

"I was walking through the village not long ago and overheard some people talking when I passed the Yamanaka's flower shop. Someone had mentioned a red spider lily. It had me curious, so I looked it up in a book."

"What else do you know about it?" Itachi asked, joining her on his stomach.

"I read they're linked to final goodbyes," she said. "Legends say that higanbana grow where there is sadness, death, and farewells."

"Such a pretty flower for such sad things," he said, picking it up. He moved to throw it over his shoulder.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Kokoa stopped him.

"I didn't mean to give you a flower that meant all that. What if something bad happens?" Itachi said.

"Those are just legends. Stories. Besides, I like it," Kokoa said, plucking it from his fist.

"Aren't most legends based in some truth?" he said. "What if I've cursed you or something?"

"I've already lost my family," Kokoa said. "You're not planning on saying goodbye forever, are you, Itachi-san?"

"No. I don't think so," he said.

"Then it's ok," she assured him. She pulled her hand through the petals. "It kind of looks like fire, too, doesn't it?"

"That was my first thought, but I didn't want to sound silly," Itachi said, embarrassed. Kokoa laughed at him again. Part of the flower broke off in her hand. She rolled the soft petals, red staining her fingers.

"Here," Itachi said. Kokoa turned to him with a mouthful of cake. After treating her to a new, scarlet yukata for her birthday, they went back to her house for cake and dango and a good time before Itachi had to leave for home.

"What?" she said with a hand over her mouth, chewing hard until she swallowed the cake. "You catch me at my worst, Itachi-san," she said.

"Sorry." He laughed at her. "For you." He handed her a flower. Bright red.

"A spider lily?" Kokoa said. Itachi pulled away, surprised by her expression.

"What?" he said.

"Higanbana? On my birthday?" she said. "A flower symbolizing fire and death and final goodbyes?"

"I thought…" Itachi scratched his forehead. "You already have the Uchiha crest." He pointed to her necklace. "And we got the yukata. I thought…" He struggled for an answer, and Kokoa's silence didn't help much either.

"I thought you like these flowers," he said, holding it out to her again. Kokoa took his hands. She folded hers around them and pulled them close so they cupped the flower together.

"I love these flowers," she said. Itachi turned his face, his lips twisted in annoyance.

"You should be more serious. You're a jonin now," he said, still avoiding her. "And I thought so."

"Arigato, Itachi-san." Kokoa lifted their hands. She bent forwards to kiss the top of his. She sniffed the flower and twirled it as she danced through the house looking for a small vase, red staining her fingers.

Kokoa dropped to her knees, dirt and debris scraping skin. She held her head with one hand in an attempt to ease the pain that radiated. She wiped the sweat from her lip with the other, but when she leaned back to look, she saw her fingers stained red in blood.

Once Deidara had been called back by Pein, Itachi moved in to seal her abilities. Despite telling Kokoa he would do it, he wasn't sure if he really could mute her kekkei genkai. And if there was a chance, he'd have to get it all out of her first, every bit of chakra until she was barely hanging on. He stepped to her, peeking at her over the top of his cloak's collar. Eyes, red. Kokoa looked up, panting, exhausted.

"You're eyes," she said, "red as fire. Red like higanbana. Itachi cracked his jaw before speaking.

"Perhaps it's a good thing your parents are dead," he said, "so they don't have to see the miserable shinobi you've turned out to be. The disappointment that you are, Kuroki Kokoa."

Kokoa turned to spit blood. Still on her knees, she straightened up, her arms hanging at her sides.

"Look at you, cornered like an animal, and you can't even fight back," Itachi said.

"That isn't fair," Kokoa said. "I won my fight against Deidara. I'm still standing. I can go against you. Push me, like you said."

"Are you standing?" he said. "You are weak, Kokoa."

"How dare you. I gave up everything to be here. I made it here. I am not weak."

"But you are. You were at the academy. You were throughout the ranks as a genin, chūnin, jōnin. You are now, groveling in the dirt before me, desperate to join an organization you can't compete in. You're weak. And you want to know why? Because you care too much. Your soft heart is what will ultimately lead to your downfall." It hurt Itachi to say that. Kokoa's heart, her empathy, her love, it was what set her apart from the rest. But that love affected her. Because of that love, she lost and suffered when she should have snuffed it out and protected herself.

"Call me anything but weak," she said. "I've lost. I always lose. But I've gotten up each time. Call me a silly little girl. Call me miserable. But I am not weak, Itachi."

"Then fight me," he said. "If you want to earn your place in Akatsuki, if you want me to help you seal your power, fight me. Earn it. No more begging."

Kokoa tried standing up, her knees buckling under her weight for a moment. When she stood, she bent over to draw in long breaths. Despite winning, she'd taken a few heavy hits from Deidara. Itachi heard her ragged breathing, but he didn't see how she stared at the ground wide-eyed, afraid how she was going to go against him in battle.

"Stand up," he said. Kokoa remained as she was, bent over, gripping her knees.

"Stand up and fight." He widened his stance, kicking dirt at her. Kokoa shook her head. All that talk, now she had to swallow her words and face him.

"Kokoa! Fight!"

"Gah!" Kokoa jerked back, a scream like broken glass ripping from her chest. And with that scream, grey chakra flared all around her, whipping her clothes and hair about. Itachi raised an arm to shield his eyes from the intensity.

"Oh? There it is," Pein said, alone on the sidelines. Kokoa stood like that for a moment, enveloped in that terrible chakra, before it dissipated. She raised her head, eyes locked onto Itachi.

"Is this how you walked away from my Tsukuyomi?" he asked. "Maybe you're not so pathetic afterall."

"You want a fight, I'll give you one, Itachi," she said. Kokoa clenched her fists, aware of the new strength that coursed through her.

"Suddenly so sure of yourself?" he said.

"I promised my father I'd be strong. That I would live. That I would fight for what I believe in. This is his will, too."

"And what exactly do you believe in, Kokoa?"

"You."

Itachi turned his face. Kokoa then charged.

"No eye tricks," she said. "No illusions. Fight me one-on-one, Itachi." She threw a punch. "Fight me on the ground." She kicked. "No more running away." She swung. "Face me!"

"Why can't you let it go." Itachi dodged her hits. "Just let it go."

Kokoa didn't speak. She kept up the attack, light on her feet, quicker than before, her hits harder than ever. She got him in the side. Itachi stumbled back, holding his ribs. He looked at her in surprise.

"You wanted me to fight, right? No holding back," she said, breathing hard. Itachi clicked his tongue in frustration. Going easy on her wouldn't work. Not this time.

"All right." He vanished, appearing behind her in the blink of an eye. Kokoa turned, ducked, and escaped his hit.

"Shit." So used to his style of standing and launching gen-jutsu from a distance, Kokoa remembered the Uchiha also had speed and agility. This was the clan's prodigy, after all. The young ANBU captain. Itachi of the Akatsuki.

They went at it. Hand-to-hand. Fist-to-fist. And when that didn't work, they switched to ninjutsu. Itachi wove the signs.

"Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu."

"Phoenix Fire?" Kokoa looked to run, but Itachi had backed her against a line of trees. The fire raced and roared towards her, shuriken hidden in the flames. The attack hit, loud and fierce. Itachi looked on. 'That should do it.'

When the smoke cleared, he couldn't hide his bewilderment. Kokoa was on her feet, unharmed, that same grey chakra around her; only, it was more formed, had almost taken the shape of armor the way she often made chakra blades. The hidden shuriken were embedded in the chakra's arm guards, and there wasn't a scratch or burn on the girl. Despite being two completely different abilities, Itachi couldn't help but compare the appearance of her defense to that of his own Susanoo. But Kokoa was still on the ground in control, moving her own body. The Susanoo was enormous and destructive.

Itachi thought for a moment. With her new chakra reserve unlocked, there was no telling how long Kokoa would last against his mid-level attacks. He needed to end this before he expended too much time and energy. And he needed to get all that chakra out of the way if he was going to help seal her power.

Itachi relaxed his shoulders, dropping his guard. Kokoa straightened up and watched him.

"I said no genjutsu," she called out. Itachi opened one eye to look at her. Kokoa circled slowly, unfamiliar with whatever it was he was doing. Itachi opened his second eye. Sharingan.

"Amaterasu." Black fire manifested, spiraling towards Kokoa. She knew of the technique. She even saw the aftermath once she caught up to Jiraya and Naruto the day Itachi returned to Konoha. But she'd never seen him launch the attack. And she was never at the receiving end. The flames ate away at her chakra armor. She began to panic. The fire wouldn't stop until she was dead. She knew that much. Unless Itachi wanted it to stop. There was no escaping this time. She backed into a tree, bark digging into her back. And as her chakra shrunk, the heat of the flames grew. Kokoa gripped the trunk of the tree, she shut her eyes, braced herself for the burn that started at her arms and inched its way up to her face. She smelled the smoking ends of her hair. She felt the sweat drip from her forehead. And just as she was about to scream out, the fire ready to swallow her, it stopped.

Kokoa looked out to see Itachi hadn't moved an inch and that the Amaterasu was gone. Itachi moved quick, jumping to stand in front of her. Kokoa slid down against the tree until she hit the dirt. She looked up at him, panting and shaking. Of all jutsu, something about Amaterasu didn't sit well with her.

Itachi formed the signs. He pressed a palm to her forehead and began the sealing. When all was said and done, Itachi crouched to her level with a finger pointed at her.

"You lose," he said. Kokoa fell forward on all fours. She raised a shaky hand, held it to Itachi's face, and with her thumb wiped the trail of blood that trickled from overusing his sharingan.

"Your eyes, red like spider lilies."

Kokoa woke up and found herself in bed.

"I wouldn't sit up too—"

She sat up before Itachi could finish. Her head buzzed, body ached, and she nearly fell to the floor. She threw her head back and laid there with an arm over her face. Itachi almost laughed. Whenever they used to spend time at the forest or lake, she would often lay in the grass and block out the sun with her arm.

Itachi held a hand to his mouth. Had he really almost laughed?

"What did you do to me?" Kokoa asked, groaning afterwards.

"I sealed your power as best I could. Like you asked," he said. "I'll be honest, I don't know the extent of the seal."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I don't know if it will work. And if it does, I don't know how well it will. Kekkei genkai are different. Imagine trying to seal away and suppress the sharingan or byakugan."

"So I might still hear the voices? I still lose." Kokoa looked over at him from her position on the bed. She looked away, devastated.

"I should have gotten rid of your ability to read hearts while I was at it. You're too much, running around with these powers," he said.

"You have no right." Kokoa sat up. "I never asked you to do that."

"Your heart will be your downfall."

"What does it matter to you? You can't take that from me, Itachi. You won't."

"I didn't," he said, turning his attention to his fingernails.

"You don't make any sense. I don't get it," Kokoa said. "You want me to fight. So I fight. You use Amaterasu on me. But then you stop it. Then you tell me my heart will be my downfall."

"What are you getting at?" He shifted on the old mattress to get more comfortable.

"All these years, all this time, you kept telling me that you don't care what happens to me or that you will kill me, yet here you are suppressing my abilities, saying it's for my own good. As if you're trying to protect me. I don't know what to think anymore." Kokoa fell back to the bed with a huff. Itachi picked at his nails.

"I came all the way here to see you. To talk to you. To listen. But you won't talk, Itachi. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if you're going to kill me in my sleep or if you're willing to take a hit for me in the heat of battle like you did a long time ago when we were young ninja. I just feel like I'm running in circles trying to figure it out, trying to hold on to something." She drew circles in the air with a finger.

"We're not so different, you and I. I don't have a home anymore. Or family. Or allies. My only friends are Kakashi-san, who can't do anything for me because he's loyal to Konoha and Sasuke who can't do anything for me because he left Konoha. All I have is this." She waved her arms around. "Us. Here at this moment. Akatsuki. You, Itachi. And you still won't give me any answers."

"I already told you time and time again—"
"True answers. Your truth." She raised her voice in the end. Itachi backed down. It was ridiculous, he knew, but something in him just wouldn't let him break open.

"Why did you mention the spider lily?" he asked after some time.

"I looked at you and remembered."

"The lily?" he asked. "You remembered the lily?"

"The day you first gave me one. After the academy. It was so pretty, like your eyes," she said. Itachi laid down, turned his back to Kokoa. He gripped the thin sheets under him. He should have kept his mouth shut, but something compelled him to ask. Deep in his heart.

"What else do you remember, Kokoa?" he asked with shut eyes, afraid like a child in the dark. Kokoa didn't speak at first. She turned on her side to look at him. She watched his back in the dancing candlelight, how he curled into himself and the rise and fall of his body with each breath.

"I remember when you first kissed me and how nervous you were," she said. "It made me nervous, too. The good kind. Butterflies. I never wanted to let go." Kokoa dragged her fingers across her chapped lips, trying to remember how it felt.

"I remember training Sasuke for a little while in hopes of impressing and winning over your father. I thought he hated me, but he was just cautious. I was Akihiko's daughter. I get it now. We could have caused each other trouble."

Itachi exhaled loudly at the mention of his father.

'Do not fear, Itachi. This is the path you have chosen. Compared to you, our pain will be over in an instant. Even though our philosophies differ, I am proud of you. You truly are a kind child.'

"I remember the look on your face anytime I brought you dango. It was like you couldn't live without it. And your mother's desserts. She was supposed to share some recipes."

Itachi gritted his teeth. He clenched his jaw. He twisted the sheet in his fist.

"And I remember accidentally confessing something to Shisui-san," Kokoa said. "He held it over my head for a long time and teased me every chance he could. I should have been more careful, but it slipped. I couldn't help it. He said he'd take that secret to his grave. Funny how things turned out. But I can tell you now, Itachi. It doesn't have to be a secret anymore—"

"Enough," he said, the hoarseness in his voice surprising Kokoa. He turned briefly to blow out the tabletop candle before laying down again with his back to her. "That's enough."

Kokoa didn't move. She didn't speak. She looked at him in what little light seeped in from the hallway outside and sighed a pained sigh at the way his shoulders shook with his silent cries.