(TW:Some violence)
Resisting the rising urge to look back at him, standing on the patio under the twinkling string lights in his worn leather jacket and well-fitted jeans, was damn near impossible. Instead, I tried to focus on keeping one foot in front of the other in the damn death trap heels Uhura had insisted I wear. How the hell had I danced for hours in these things? My feet were throbbing after just having walked a few blocks.
The thoughts in my brain flowed relentlessly from one wonder to another. Did I really punch a Starfleet captain in the face? Did Jim and I just cross some threshold past friendship and into something more? Was that smart? Was it possible? Was I just really, really drunk? Was I a complete idiot for going along with the bold plan of his that had such a high chance of failure?
As my mind snapped back into reality from the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in my brain, I found myself approaching the end of an alley. What I hadn't realized, as I slowed my pace, was that a group of men had started following me during my aimless drunken meandering.
I had become so engrossed in focusing on not toppling over in my shoes and worrying about everything that had just transpired in the past few hours, that I had made a wrong turn on the way back to my apartment. In fact, I had gone several blocks past it.
Now, coming to a stop just feet from the beige stone wall that created a dead end in front of me, I was the epitome of vulnerable, weak prey. My head was throbbing from the hangover brewing relentlessly in my gut. The ground wobbled beneath me as my vision played tricks on my eyes. In an attempt to gather myself, to find my center in the middle of an enormous shit storm of a situation, I took a deep breath through my nose and exhaled through my mouth as I turned on my too-high-of-heels to face the predators.
Two men stood in front of me, spread out evenly to block my only exit, which was the way I had come from. They didn't stop walking towards me. Bile pushed up into my throat. A way out. There had to be a way out. Stone walls rose to my right and left, too high to climb. A trash can with some sort of broken furniture sticking out of it was the only other inhabitant of the dead end, besides me and my queasy stomach.
If I could get to the broken furniture fast enough, I would have a weapon. Assuming my coordination and speed wouldn't falter and fail due to the inebriation that wasn't fading fast enough for me to evade this situation with my normal ease.
Each man was dressed in baggy black clothing, hoods up and over their heads. It was hard to tell in the early hours of the morning if their faces were actually covered with matching black masks or not. All I could see was the glints of their eyes in the useless twinkling lights of the sleeping city.
Of course the alley was dimly lit — had they herded me here? I could've sworn it was the only place in Yorktown that wasn't alight with bright, artificial light. My anxiety reared up in my gut, and I fought back the urge to scream. It might provoke an attack that could easily be avoided.
Smart, Aria. Be smart. You're battling too many disadvantages to make a careless mistake.
Their approach didn't stop until I felt my back hit the cool stones of the alley's end. The men closed in around me, forming a half circle just tight enough that it didn't allow for the slightest gap for me to be able to slide through. Why had I not moved sooner? Was I spending that much time in my own head? Was my thinking that slow?
I spread my palms flat against the coolness of the stone, hoping it would help speed up the sobering process. It grounded me, pulling me back into my own body a bit more. My head still throbbed, vision still blurred, stomach still churned. Mustering up a steely gaze, I finally found my voice among the bile rising in my throat.
"Can I help you gentlemen with something?"
Laughs from both of them.
"As a matter of fact, you can. Just be still, be quiet, and take it. Help us with that, and this will be much, much easier for you."
Vomit churned up in my gut, threatening to spill before me and reveal just how easy this would be for them. I swallowed back against it as hard as I could, and tried to turn all my shaking fear into shaking anger.
"Don't touch me."
The one who had spoken, the taller of the two, made a "tsk" noise before taking a few more steps towards me. All he had to do was reach out and his hands would be on me. Unfamiliar panic roiled around inside of me. I tried to remember how to analyze an opponent, how to identify weaknesses, how to move in unpredictable ways. But as my mind fumbled to grasp even the most basic defensive maneuvers, it was too late.
"Wrong answer."
And then he was swinging. I managed to duck under the first punch thrown expertly at my head, but at the cost of losing my balance. Just one swing and I was already stumbling to stay on my feet in the high heels that I struggled to simply stand in.
I caught my balance, righting myself just as the other man closed in from behind me. Punches and kicks were being thrown from too many directions. I tried to block, tried to fight back, tried to land punches. Tried to scream, tried to find all those skills within myself that I had mastered over the years. But the alcohol, the tiredness, the distractions, it had defeated me before I even had a chance of defending myself.
Hands grabbed at my hair, my dress, my limbs. I found myself trying to curl up into a ball, trying to protect my head with my hands as best as I could.
I was in the position of defeat. Of knowing what was going to come next. Of knowing that there was nothing I could do to get this to stop. I gulped down as much air as possible to fight against the seizing of my body from the panic attack rolling through me.
All I could think of was that empty, barely lived in apartment. Of the man there now who was wishing he could've walked me home. And now, I was wishing the same thing. I couldn't wrap my mind around the horror of the situation as the blows rained down on me. If only I would've stayed with him. If only I would've taken a risk. Instead, I found myself gasping for breath in an abandoned alley where I may very well end up left for dead.
Just as I was trying to find my voice to plead with them to stop, a blow connected firmly to the side of my head. And just like that, all the pain and panic was muted. Darkness closed in on my vision as I tried to think about how incredible I had felt just mere minutes ago. How much safer I had felt in his company. How great it had felt to talk, to laugh, to begin to hope.
Blackness mercifully took me, and the last sound swimming in my skull was of that old-fashioned music Jim had played that night six months ago in his dark, quiet apartment. I hoped. I prayed to gods I didn't believe in. Please wake up there. Wake up there, let this be a nightmare. Please, please wake up there.
Searing, blinding pain had me gasping awake into the too-bright beams of Yorktown's rising sun. Every inch of my body roared with aches and burning pain. I was laying at an awkward angle that caused even more agony to shoot through the core of my being.
Eyes. I needed to get my eyes open and figure out where I was. With an excruciating amount of effort, I managed to crack one open. The one eye that wasn't swollen completely shut. After a few difficult blinks, I managed to focus on my surroundings. Alley. The alley. Where two men had cornered me. My breathing grew faster as air rushed through my open lips that burned with pain. Split, no doubt, and crusted with blood from the taste of it.
I turned my head against shooting pain and realized quickly that I was heaped into the pile of broken furniture that had been in the trash can next to me hours — was it hours? — ago. With trembling hands that no doubt had a few broken fingers, I fumbled for the watch on my left wrist. Still there. They hadn't been interested in robbing me. My stomach lurched with bile at the realization of what had happened last night. I managed to push the side button of my watch to read the time, weather and other useless information I didn't need right now.
As it read off "9:02 AM" , I simultaneously retched up whatever was left in my stomach from last night. The meeting. Accompanying the crew of the Enterprise on its mission. Today. Jim had said to be there at 9 a.m. sharp, if not a little bit early. He was going to vouch for me to come with on their mission aboard the Enterprise. To train in space. With several heaving breaths, I managed to roll myself out of the pile of trash and into the middle of the alley.
I scrambled up onto all fours as my bloodied, bruised and aching limbs burned horribly. I tried pitifully to get myself upright. With a few stumbles and using the wall for support, I got up onto my own two feet. I didn't bother searching for those damn high heels.
With a few gulps of air and the rubbing of my temples, I started off at a brisk walk down the alley. Thank whatever higher being that I was alive and it was early on a Saturday. The streets were mostly empty as I hobbled my broken and bloody body towards the grand lecture hall of the academy. A few people were out, milling around, and their gasps and exclamations of shock didn't register with my brain.
I waved people off who tried to approach me, who tried to help me. I just hobbled faster, trying to get to the academy as quickly as possible. Fortunately for me and my body that seemed to be on the verge of shutting down with each passing second, I was close. Very close.
All I had to do was round two blocks and drag myself up a few flights of stairs before I was limping towards the massive double doors of the hall. More people gasping. More people trying to help me. I waved them all off, some more insistent than others. I thought I had heard someone say something about going to get help. Or maybe they just said that I needed help. It didn't matter.
The doors appeared before me, and I put what little weight and energy I could muster into pushing one open. Whatever conversation had been going on, whatever had been occurring before I stepped into the hall, it slowly came to a stop when I staggered through the doors and into the brightly lit auditorium streaked with morning sunshine.
A voice was speaking above the murmurs and whispers. A voice that had laughed with me, been honest with me, enlightened me. But as the quiet interruptions morphed into gasps, the familiar voice stopped mid sentence.
"I understand that the board would like to meet the cadet I'm speaking of, and they were supposed to be —"
His voice cut off sharply, and the entire room fell silent.
I could feel eyes, dozens and dozens of eyes on me as I hobbled across to where a podium stood before a panel of very sharply dressed academy officials. Jim started to move towards me, horror drawn across his features, but I held up a battered hand in his direction.
It was then I noticed how my fingers were pointing in directions that were gruesomely unnatural. I stared at my hand in horror for a moment before regaining what little composure I had to muster.
He stopped moving, jaw hanging open as he took me in, his complexion paling. One of the members of the board spoke first, breaking the heavy silence that weighed down on the room just as heavily as my own shame and defeat.
"Who is this woman, Captain?"
A few more moments of silence passed before Jim's voice cut through it, somehow managing to relax me a little bit through all the throbs and shooting pain.
"This is, this is the woman who I was seeking special permission to join the crew on the Enterprise for the mission leaving today, sir."
I found balance on my two feet, although I couldn't eliminate my swaying from foot to foot. I attempted to find my height, to stand up straight. I lifted my chin, squared my shoulders. I faced the full force of the firing squad of the board of the academy with the little dignity I had left. Even though all I wanted to do was collapse. Cry. Cower away from everyone, from the world.
"This is the cadet, Captain? Are you sure you're willing to stake your reputation on vouching for this person who appears to be within an inch of passing into unconsciousness at any moment? I'm fairly sure we can smell every drop of alcohol on her and what would seem to be urine."
Jim was quick to respond, his voice growing more firm and louder than the man who had just spoken.
"I assure you, sir, that this woman will be an impactful and much needed addition to the crew of the Enterprise. I will personally see to it that her studies are being carried out and appropriately tested during our mission, and that she contributes to the success and furthering of the Federation's goals to explore deep space."
Silence. Unwavering silence. Darkness was gathering around the edges of my vision. I was losing the fight to stay on my own two feet. But I kept my spine straight as I began to waver. Kept my chin up as I waited to hear their decision. My body trembled with all the exertion it took to keep myself upright. I clenched my fists as hard as I could manage to ground myself in more pain.
With a sigh, one of the board members leaned forward to their microphone and delivered their verdict.
"On your word and reputation, captain, we grant your request to have this cadet accompany you and your crew on your mission into deep space. Any problems that arise will fall directly on your shoulders, is that understood captain?"
"Yes sir. Understood."
"Very well. Please complete the required documentation and return it to the appropriate office at the day's end via electronic coms from the Enterprise. Meeting adjourned."
As the sound of people's murmurs and shuffling of standing began to fill my ears, my vision faded into complete blackness. My knees buckled as the words "Thank you for your consideration," left my cracked and swollen lips in an inaudible whisper.