-Chapter 9-
Decisions
"Much has changed these past few months, cousin Eiko arranged to live with us in order to better gauge my emotions throughout my daily regimen. I've begun learning more about her ever since; I never would've thought that living alone as a child was easy for her to helm. I knew from mother and papa that Eiko was an orphan after her grandfather had passed but at such a young age and being able to take care of herself at such an early stage in life was quite impressive. I try my best not to compare myself to her yet I feel as if she has become quite the influence in my life even more now.
Not only has she been teaching me more about the Eidolons and part of my heritage, she added in some life lessons that would be helpful for me. One such example she's quite a talented chef in which I never knew was her hobby. We've had several of her home made dishes served during meal times; she's even taking a liking to serving the maids as well. Her popularity certainly perceives her well. At times we speak about her current living style with Regent Cid and Hilda; she admits that sometimes the Regent tends to get carried away with his...airships topics that puts cousin to sleep. Hence why she and Hilda always spend their time roaming the streets of Lindblum; taking the time to enjoy some of their finest restaurants it has to offer. At times her, Nadine and Mei speak about their favorite café in the business district near the orphanage; all three agreed no other place can make better Lindblum wedding soup than Lindblum itself, of course when Mei cooks hers it feels homier and has a lovely savory taste that I love.
Mother and Papa have been so glad cousin started living with us, all three of them reminisce about the past from time the time. Cousin has mentioned to me that I shouldn't let myself feel discouraged from what I am doing, I mentioned to her about how Papa was a bit distant with me when I started this path. She told me it's not the first time he felt this way; I had almost forgotten about the time he pushed away mother and everyone he traveled with while they were on Terra. A moment of weakness caused him to sway those he held close to him; yet being reminded of who he was and who they were to him helped him spring back to who he was.
I guess it makes sense what I did when he distanced himself from me, I reminded him that I won't let him down and I wouldn't fall down the path uncle went through.
Which now leaves me with one question still on my mind and I still wonder if I should tell him and mother.
About the mysterious woman I saw on the night of my birthday…"
"HEY! WHO SAID YOU COULD LOOK SO CUTE LIKE THAT!?"
"….."
"Well!?"
"….."
"I'm waiting…"
"….."
"….."
Eiko stared deeply into the eyes of Zoe who gave her a confused look in return, unsure how to respond to the summoner's question. Sarah silently laughed while sitting on her oak chair next to her tea table insider her room. Zoe started sniffing alongside Eiko's legs while the summoner grinned with delight; she starting rubbing the pet's head.
"Your too cute to be this well trained!" Eiko said as she continued petting the dog's head.
"Would you find it hard to believe that we all trained her together? Even papa?" Sarah said as she watched her cousin and pet interact with one another.
"Zidane training a dog? I can't believe my own ears; I feel like the more I live here the more I'm starting to see how much he's changed." Eiko looked up towards Sarah as she smiled at her.
"Papa means well cousin, I know we like to tease him much but he's kind hearted and always helpful."
Eiko nodded.
"Yup that all sounds like him alright. Some things never change around him."
Eiko stood up as Zoe looked up and wagged her tail, Eiko walked around the table and took her seat across from Sarah. Zoe circled around herself and lay on the floor next to Eiko keeping her attention at the summoner.
"Cousin Eiko, what will be today's lessons be?"
"Well I figure today we could talk more about something else if that's alright with ya?"
Sarah nodded.
"Of course, you are my scholar so I must follow your lesson plans as they are."
Eiko grinned.
"Haven't I told you already not to call me that? Sheesh! I'm not old enough to be one." Eiko snickered at the thought.
"But cousin you've taught me so much, it wouldn't be fair to address you impro-"
"Just cousin is my preference cuz." Eiko snapped her finger in the air. Sarah blinked for a moment and held herself as she leaned back in her chair.
"Will do cousin." She winked.
"Good! Now I wanna ask you something about what you told your mother, when we were in Lindblum."
"Hmm." Sarah rested her arms on the table; she briefly glanced at the wisteria on the table then looked back to her cousin. "Is it about…the voice in my dreams?"
Eiko nodded, she gently fixed the straps on her light pink skirted dress followed by adjusting her posture while in her seat.
"Yup, I wanna know more about it; have you been having more dreams about it?"
Sarah held her hands together on top of the table.
"I…I have been…they've been coming to me more often than normal."
"And how often is often?"
"Uhmm." The princess looked towards her bed. "Maybe…a several times a week now adays?" Sarah looked back towards Eiko.
"And is she still singing that song still?"
Sarah nodded.
"Ahh well as luck would have I made a special detour back to Madain Sari not too long when I went back to Lindblum for a bit. I managed to find some possible answer to the mystery of the song. It was a very small hidden message on the Eidolon Wall that took a pretty good time trying to decipher."
Sarah arched an eyebrow with much interest, her thoughts began to wonder about the possibilities of what it could be; one prominent example as Eiko once told about the possibility of being called to their Light of Destiny.
"It's an old lullaby called Shenhua." Eiko said as Sarah tilted her head.
"Shen…hua?" The princess asked. Eiko nodded.
"Hmm! It's an old song that use to be sung in our village long before any of us were born, maybe even before your mom's time too."
Sarah felt more intrigued.
"Older than mother?"
"Yea! The only thing I managed to decipher was some parts of the lyrics from what I recall you singing. Part of the song talks about a flower blooming in lavender that wind can't put out. Another part talks about the heart of an infant. That's the best I can get out of it. Some other parts are faded so it was really hard to grasp the entire song. From the way it was written it may be at least a song that's about three thousand years old."
"Three thousand?" The Princess gasped in awe. "Isn't Madain Sari at least a thousand years old?"
Eiko nodded.
"The writing style of our village changed over the years, the grammar I noticed on the Eidolon Wall does evolve to the latest way we wrote. However Madain Sari wasn't always the village it was, it was a consolidated village when there were once many different summoner tribes on the Forgotten Continent that then decided to come together as one. The song itself had always been known among one prominent tribe prior to the consolidation; when Madain Sari came together they shared it with everyone that eventually became a beacon of light for their off springs. Over the years many summoners when they were young began hearing this song as they grew up, at some point as the older generations passed on, the off springs little by little let the song fade away because it brought sorrow memories of their parents who passed. So in a sense this song hasn't been heard of in at least a good five hundred years now. Give or take."
Sarah felt more intrigued by the history of the song now known by its title from her dreams. An ancient song sung to her that hasn't been heard in many years sparked more questions in her mind. Was the mysterious woman from the deep past? Yet at the same time she wondered how could the mysterious woman she thought strong a bare resemblance of her mother know of this song? An entity calling to her from the past?
"Goodness…that's quite a deep thought to really consider cousin…" Sarah said as she began fiddling with her fingers.
"I know isn't it? I never even heard this song myself when I was little. Not even in my own dreams." Eiko said as she looked around Sarah's room.
"Is…is something wrong?" Sarah asked tilting her head, puzzled by why her cousin was studying her room.
"Just seeing if maybe there's something in here giving off any sort of energy that could be communicating with the Eidolons…since in your case since you don't have a summoner's horn like I do, I'm wondering if there's something else that might be helping you be in tune with them."
"Oh…did mother have the same issue as well?"
"Nahh, for her since hers was cut off, her ability to hear them was not as strong as mine, for you I'm wondering if maybe a material thing could be feeding you the means and ways of being able to be in tune with them."
Zoe let out a small bark as Eiko and Sarah looked at the dog panting and wagging her tail happily.
"Or maybe Zoe is the one helping you be in tune with them." Eiko teased.
"Cousin don't tease Zoe like that, I'm not certain she could be able to communicate with any of the Eidolons." Sarah said as she beckoned Zoe. The dog's ears perked up and looked over to Sarah, she trotted towards her and sitting beside her while looking up. Sarah let out a sigh and gently massaged her pet's head.
"Dogs are more in tune to nature than we are realistically speaking." Eiko said as she watched her cousin.
"I wouldn't want to think Zoe is able to summon like we do…let alone being able to speak to a deity of all things." Sarah sighed.
"Like said, there might be something that must help you gain in tune with the Eidolons. If you really did inherit you mom's genetics, there's a slight chance you can communicate with them without a horn."
Sarah's tail twitched aggressively, the princess felt it and couldn't tell if she was becoming annoyed by the thought or impulsive reaction. She looked towards her cousin.
"Do you…really believe I can communicate with them?"
Eiko nodded.
"The truth is we have to teach you have to be able to control your emotions before you end up accidently summon without even knowing. It's just like the spell you casted at your birthday."
Sarah paused her hand leaving against Zoe's fur; without even realizing her pet started gently licking her hand.
"Accidently?"
"It's possible…it's a very rare case but it is possible…"
Sarah could feel her throat swallowing some air, her suspicion of summoning accidently was confirmed. In the time since her incident she always felt there was an off chance she could summon without realizing it. She looked around her room for a moment, then at Eiko, then at Zoe. She shuttered the thought she could harm those around her in an instance without even knowing it. Whose to know when that day could come; let alone being blind by her own actions with great potential to cause much suffering.
"I see…"
Eiko waved a hand in the air.
"Cuz, don't stress the thought, believe me even your own mother had that same problem as well, blaming herself for all the damages and possible further damage she could do to others. I know it's a lot to take in but trust me, you and I are gonna do this right and you're gonna kick so much ass being able to control your emotions and use your new found powers for good instead of evil." Eiko grinned.
"Eiko! Language!" Sarah pleaded.
"Just trying to lighten the mood, come on don't be so harsh on yourself, now going back to the subject at hand."
Sarah nodded.
"Apologies for the distraction."
"Don't say you're sorry now I won't tolerate that in this classroom." Eiko said sarcastically as Sarah chuckled.
"Oh cousin your quite the handful." Sarah teased. Zoe let out a gentle bark towards Eiko as the summoner smiled.
"It comes with the territory and I have two amazing students now hehe! Now then I have another question for ya."
"Please." Sarah straightened herself on her seat.
"Is there anything you've told me that you haven't told your parents?"
"Well…" Sarah's eyes slowly drifted around blankly around her surrounding, then looked back towards Eiko.
"I…more or less…do have something I've not told anyone about this…"
Eiko planted her elbows on the table and leaned forward towards Sarah.
"Go on?"
Sarah let out a sigh; Zoe's ears perked up as she looked up to the princess.
"I…I saw someone…on the throne on the night of my birthday…" Sarah said slowly.
"As in someone you know?"
Sarah shook her head.
"No…she…she was not from around here…or even on this continent."
Eiko leaned back on her seat feeling even more intrigued.
"Details?"
"Hmm…" Sarah looked towards her pet; the mysterious woman could practically be seen in Zoe's eyes, her face from the hoodie she wore that night, her face a near mirror image of her mother. She could never forget that face. "She wore what appeared to be some really old rain coat…maybe…brownish, looked somewhat torn…"
"Brownish? Was there anything about it that stuck out? Like a pattern or?"
"Hmm…it was almost two toneish, like the hoodie itself is dark than the rest…that's…really all I can remember to be honest…"
Eiko nodded.
"I see I see…did you get a good look at her face?"
Sarah shuttered, she looked back towards her cousin.
"She…she looked like mother…"
Eiko let out a small gasp.
"She did?"
Sarah slowly nodded her head.
"Hmmm."
"Would you say she looked exactly like her?"
"Almost…uncanny."
Eiko placed a hand underneath her chin giving thought of Sarah's mysterious encounter. She wondered if it was possible for Eidolons to take a human form in light of Madeen taking form of a moogle. It was something that has always been on her mind for quite some time but never studied more in depth. This also gave Eiko an idea to learn more about the deeper knowledge of the Eidolons.
"I see I see…this is definitely new…so I'm intrigued by this even more. Well I guess I know what this means."
Sarah tilted her head feeling confused.
"What do you mean?"
"We gotta tell your parents."
Sarah gasped.
"But…would th-"
"We're gonna tell em now."
Sarah blinked a few times and shook her head. Eiko jumped out of her seat walking toward Sarah. Zoe looked towards the summoner and stood up and started wagging her tail in excitement. The bewildered princess felt more confused by her cousin.
"Come on, lets go! I'm not gonna make the same mistake last time when I asked your mom if she loved Zidane, so hop to it!" Eiko grabbed Sarah's hand from the table and gently pulled her up to her feet and started nearly dragging her along as Zoe followed along.
"Cou…cousin! Wait!"
…
"Nervous?"
"Uhm…a little…"
"I understand that if you don't wish to pursue, you always have the final say."
"…Nay father, I wish to make you and mother proud."
"Dear daughter, your mother and I fully understand if you wish to reconsider."
"Father…"
Rose halted her walk as her father stopped in front of her turning his body towards her. Steiner saw in Rose's eyes as she lowered them to the ground. She placed her left hand on top of the hilt of her rapier, feeling its clean metal beneath her fingertips. She looked up to the eyes of her father standing before her with a gentle smile. She could feel the small pressure in her mind yet it was not from her parents.
"I know much has been bestowed upon me to follow in mother's footsteps and…I…I have a duty to uphold our family's tradition." Rose gently gripped the hilt.
Steiner nodded.
"Rose nothing means more to us than the sanctity of your well-being, we fully understand you made this decision of your own free will and not from our heritage." Steiner assured his daughter.
Rose slowly turned her head up towards the palace, seeing the sword towering over Alexandria before it, seeing the red roofs of the homes in its reflection. She gave thought to this moment she was in, the day had finally come, recruiting day was upon her, not far from where she and her father stood were small crowds of people arriving at the palace, making their way to the barracks on the palace grounds; Rose's destination. The young woman turned her attention towards the small crowds walking past her and her father. Wives, sisters, partners, and daughters with their relatives following along for supporting their decisions to join Alexandria's military.
She could see everyone's excitement, not one person seemed nervous yet she was the only one who felt on edge making her way.
"Rose?" Steiner waved his hand trying to get his daughter's attention.
"Huh? Oh…I'm sorry father." Rose shook her head.
"Rose dear, we shan't wait too long now if you still wish to continue." He said carefully trying not to force his daughter to get ahead of herself.
"Oh…sorry father." Rose said nervously as she started walking forward as he watched. He followed along from behind; he noticed his daughter was slouching slightly as she walked. He was thinking of what to say next, given the fact he was worried Rose may not be confidently ready. The years he watched his daughter as an infant to standing before her now following her mother's footsteps yet having second thoughts if he felt he should have her reconsider her choice.
"Rose?" he called to her as he sped up his walk, hearing his armor clanking louder as he caught up beside her.
"Yes father?" She said looking to her right where he walked beside her.
"I…I want you to know that…" Steiner looked in front of him as he saw the crowd walking along the path rounding the palace. Seeing everyone being supportive to the ones coming in for recruitment, he was trying to find the right words being said to his daughter yet at the same time still contemplating telling her to reconsider.
"Gods…what do I say?" he thought still fumbling the words to say.
"Father?"
Steiner let out a nervous yelp as he looked back to his daughter.
"I uh…uhh…" he stopped walking and his daughter stopped along as she kept her attention to him.
"Father…is…is everything alright?"
Steiner laid his right hand behind his neck as people were walking past them, like a pair of small animals being passed by a larger herd of animals. He saw in his daughter's eyes she was nervous, he still kept thinking of the right words to say. How would she respond if he tells her he does not think his own daughter is ready to helm the responsibility of being a soldier. Would she be devastated? Would she hate him?
Many conversations between Steiner and Beatrix were always about Rose's lack of self-confidence and lackluster swordsmanship. The many months of sparring and practicing Rose lacked much finesse in order to maintain her balance and energy in order to keep herself alive in battle. Their greatest fear was Rose failing her trainings during initial training and coming home feeling like a failure, they know their daughter has a special gift that was not of swordsmanship but something more meaningful and brings her comfort.
Steiner knew he was always known for being the more worrisome of others, he knew this was the time to tell his daughter how he honestly felt about her potential future where she could potentially not make it past initial training.
"Rose I…I must confess…"
"Con…confess?"
Steiner let out a sigh.
"Rose…I…I wish to ask if you may…" Steiner looked away from his daughter as she watched feeling confused.
"…reconsider…." He closed his eyes tightly. Rose slightly tilted her head seeing her father's nervousness as she took a few steps closer to him.
"Reconsider?" She said looking up to him slightly.
Steiner opened his eyes seeing his daughter right before him, her brown confused eyes looking directly at him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, upon opening them he could imagine seeing his daughter being six years old again with her innocent and gentle smile looking up towards him. He felt like he was about to tarnish his daughter's dream yet still unsure if this was truly what she wanted to do. He closed his eye briefly again, he opened them seeing his daughter standing tall before him still confused.
"Rose…your mother and I feel perhaps you…shouldn't join Alexandria's army…we can see that you're not quite ready for this responsibility. I see how much you struggle when we spar, how much you tire so easily and most of all exhausted every time we train. I know we should have spoken about this sooner but…we…we didn't wish to hurt your feelings…" he said held his hands together.
Rose felt her chest feeling weighed down by her father's words. She recalled all of her struggles while training, knowing her mother was watching and judging her; all while her father teaching her to helm a sword.
"But…father…I…I know how much this means to you and mother…" she said gingerly as she grabbed his armor cladded hands. His jaw dropped slightly as his hands were brought up by his daughter.
"Father…I know I've much to learn…and…I also wish to protect Her Highness too."
Steiner's breathing grew heavy with each breath; Rose's puppy like eyes was staring back at him; with a guilty feeling sprawling in his mind.
"I…I understand Rose but…the truth is…it was never our wish for you to become…a soldier."
Rose gasped in disbelief.
"It…it wasn't?"
Steiner shook his head.
"Rose…" He lowered their hands while still holding them. "Nay…we…we wanted you to find a path that we felt brings you comfort and joy. Being a soldier is not an easy path nor is it for everyone…"
Rose gently swallowed her breath and continued to keep her attention to her father.
"The truth is…sometimes being a soldier can be a harsh life; life of servitude is not for everyone…even your mother and I felt…some form of loneliness while…trying to maintain much discipline in our emotions. In fact your mother and I at first…we were at odds with each other."
Rose let out a gasp.
"You…and mother…never liked one another?"
Steiner nodded.
"It was a different time…we were young and always competing against one another. I knew whom her parents were at that time, your grandparents were legendary in Alexandria, many thought of your mother as a prodigy yet she weak at first. Over time she did grew strong but only because she and her dear friend worked closely with one another, overcoming the hardships and many unexpected events where her life depended on it she was able to overcome her obstacles to be where she is today. The different between you and her is…she has more endurance than you do. She earned the respect of her peers throughout her time, for you it may be the same, you wouldn't be taken very likely, you will get pushed harsher and I'm sure others will treat your differently only to call you the General's Daughter."
Rose looked over her shoulder as the people continued their path, she gave thought of the idea of being labeled the General's Daughter or even worse being in the shadow of her mother. She looked back towards Steiner.
"Father…is…is that to become true if…I join?" She asked gingerly.
He closed his eyes and slowly nodded his head.
"It's more than possible…I know you have your heart in protecting your dear friend for all the right reasons…I know there is another way to be by her side protecting her. Being a soldier does not make you a stronger friend…its heart that demonstrates your willingness to protect her."
Steiner opened his eyes.
"My dear daughter, I know deep inside you feel conflicted about doing this today. I understand you wish to make us proud but we couldn't be even more proud than to be honest with yourself." Steiner smiled.
Rose slowly let her eyes trail towards her rapier at her side, a gift from her parents intended to be used to protect herself. She thought of it as her right of passage to follow in her parents footsteps. She couldn't fully encompass the idea of becoming a soldier in the name of Alexandria or even in the name of her closest friend. She nearly heard everyone tell her "you will always have a choice in your life to do what brings you happiness" yet she couldn't figure what really makes her happy.
If she chooses not to continue down this path, she feels her parents would be disappointed in her yet their own words spoke louder to her. This time she didn't know what to do with herself.
"Father…I…I don't know what to say…or feel…" she said cocking her head towards her father.
"If you've nothing to say it's quite alright. It's my sworn duty as your father to guide you to the path you wish to embark on. You are not obligated by any means to follow what your mother and I are at this moment. There is no shame in walking away today." He said reassuring his daughter.
"But…what if this chance may never come again?"
"Opportunities come in many different forms my daughter, I've seen what brings the best out of you and all I ask if for you to be honest with yourself. If being…a florist brings you happiness then by all means please pursue your dream of becoming one. I can't think of anything more rewarding than to see my daughter working in an environment that makes her happy." Steiner smiled.
Rose could feel her eyes feeling slightly heavy, she let out a small sniffle and smiled weakly. In her father's eyes this was a good sign for him; even if his own daughter has doubts about herself, a small smile from her was wonderful feeling to see as a father.
"Oh father…I'm…I'm sorry…" Rose started to sniffle more; Steiner carefully released his hold on his daughter and gently embraced her as she began to cry a bit in his arms.
"Oh Rose it's alright." He gently patted her.
"I'm sorry for not being honest with you and mother…"
"Rose, it takes great courage to be honest with yourself. You've proven to yourself you are strong minded and know what you wish to do with your life."
Rose pulled herself back and wiped the tears from her cheeks, looking at her father smiling back at her.
"You…you believe so?" She asked.
"I know so…even your mother and I had a hard time of our own trying to be truly honest with ourselves when we had to make a vital decision in our lives to…accept the truth and follow the right path in our lives."
"And…what truth was that father?"
Steiner let out a slow sigh as he recalled the fate he and Beatrix choose to protect Garnet against then Queen Brahne.
"When your mother and I swore to protect Her Majesty at her time of need when the unthinkable became a reality."
"Oh dear…was it…something really awful?"
Steiner slowly nodded.
"It was…yet if we had continued to pursue the wrong path at that time…we…we probably wouldn't be here right now."
"Goodness…I hope it wasn't something to horrifying."
Steiner blinked a few times.
"It was not an easy choice yet we chose what we did and swore to never think twice about it, it's why I keep reminding you there is no shame in reconsidering this decision, your mother and I will always give you unconditional support no matter what."
"Hmm…I'm sorry for asking father."
Steiner shook his head.
"It's alright Rose…come now, let's go see your mother; I'm sure she will be happy to hear about your decision today."
Rose nodded.
"I hope so as well father…and…"
Rose held her hands together and looked up towards her father.
"Thank you father…for…for always believing in me."
Steiner smiled.
"It's always my pleasure Rose."
"Life is full of hard decisions, we wonder about those around us who are effected by what we decide. The support we receive from our decisions always tells one that we have made the right one. I can only imagine that not telling my parents about the mysterious woman would certainly have consequences that I know would harm those around me.
I understand cousin Eiko's intention and she is right…I should not let my worries hinder their willingness to protect me from the unknown forces out there who may cause harm. After all they once fought death itself when they were in their final hour and survived by their decision to prove why living has valuable meaning.
I sometimes wonder if Rose is in the same position as I am, I wonder if she did decide to go through with becoming a soldier for Alexandria today. I know she has much to offer to everyone around yet being a soldier won't do her any good. I know her parents like mine want for her to be in a place of serenity where she is not worried about her life being taken but is able to fulfill her gift to the world in a meaningful way as she has done for my family.
Life decisions can be cruel yet we must make them in order to keep moving forward in life.
It goes without say, I was able to speak with papa about him distancing himself from me, now I must also speak truthfully to him and mother about what I saw on the night of my birthday."