Chapter 3 – Take My Hand

Author's Note: In which Anakin breaks down, and y'all get a glimpse into Custos' head. :D

~ Amina Gila

"He's always been like a father to me," Anakin confesses, trying to keep his voice steady, even as he cries against Custos' shoulder. "I told him a few times but…" He trails off, remembering the last time he said it, and Obi-Wan's response. It almost stings as much now as it did then.

"Then why don't you listen to me?"

It was as if he completely disregarded that Anakin was doing everything he could to be a proper Jedi, impossible though it seemed. It was as though he didn't even see how much Anakin was struggling, or worse, maybe didn't even care. Neither Custos nor Ani say anything, their presences calm and soothing next to his. "I sometimes wonder if he cares, even though I know I shouldn't. He's only ever just a master or just a friend. I shouldn't –" He nearly chokes on the words. "I shouldn't want more, but I do."

"There's nothing wrong with your feelings. They are what they are," Custos reassures him.

"It's not the Jedi way," Anakin quotes miserably, voice somewhat muffled.

"That doesn't mean it's the right way," the elder tells him after a momentary pause. "I was a Jedi, you know, but during my… captivity, I realized that there is more to the Force. If I had denied myself that knowledge, denied myself the opportunity to change and become a… more open person, I don't think I would be here. I don't think either of us would be here."

Ani shifts next to Anakin, holding him even tighter. This feels so surreal. Anakin can't even begin to process that not only is a younger version of himself holding onto him, but so is a Sith version of Obi-Wan, a version who is somehow more open and caring than the master Anakin knew. It doesn't even make sense, and it goes against everything which Anakin has ever believed about the Sith. He doesn't let any doubts creep in about what Custos might want from him in the future, because he needs this now. If he has to be by himself, with these thoughts in his head, he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it.

"I don't know what to do." It's the truth, and it is so freeing to finally be able to say that.

Custos sighs, shifting and running his fingers through Anakin's hair for a moment. It's very reminiscent of how his mother used to calm him when he was a child, and any lingering tension fades from his body as he relaxes fully in Custos' embrace. "Stay with us." The request is quiet, but sincere. "You might be an adult now, but you're still Anakin; you'll still be my child."

Anakin exhales shakily. He wants to accept. He wants to accept so badly that it scares him. "I… you're not him." He doesn't want this moment to end, this moment where he feels like he's actually worth something, this moment where he's being given comfort without having to ask. But he can't deny the truth either. Much as he would like to leave, he would never truly be content. Custos is Obi-Wan, but he's not his Obi-Wan, and there's a part of Anakin which will never be able to let go of the irrational hope that he'll someday be able to get what he so desperately craves from his former master.

"No," Custos agrees, still not letting Anakin go, "I'm not him, and I never will be, but he'll never be me either."

It hurts even though it shouldn't. It's the truth, a truth Anakin has been trying to hide from. The two Obi-Wans have had vastly different experiences, so the chances of his Obi-Wan ever changing, ever becoming more like Custos are very low. Another tear escapes, dripping down his face and onto Custos' outer robe.

"You're still welcome to stay with us though," the Sith adds, almost as an afterthought. Finally, he shifts, pulling back slightly, brow furrowed with concern. There's unfiltered affection in his gaze as well, and Anakin sniffles, swiping the lingering tears from his face. "It's late, and we should all probably get some rest."

"I should go," Anakin murmurs.

Custos shakes his head. "I don't think you should be alone right now. Stay with us. There's plenty of room."

Anakin begs to differ. The bunk barely large enough for two people, let alone three. But at the same time, he doesn't want to leave. He wants to stay here for now. He's exhausted, true, but being alone would definitely not be good. Custos tugs him to his feet, a familiar smile tugging at his lips. He looks so young without a beard; it's a thought Anakin keeps to himself. Ani almost immediately reattaches himself to Custos' side, though his eyes remain focused on Anakin. He's so quiet. Anakin doesn't remember himself ever being like that.

"You first," the Sith Lord says cheerily pointing at the bunk.

Anakin gives him a flat, disbelieving look, but obeys, laying on the bunk, his back pressed up against the wall. Ani climbs on next, and after some – okay, a lot – of shifting around, they all manage to fit, even if Ani is practically on top of both of them. It's kind of nice, Anakin has to admit, being sandwiched in between two people who actually care about him deeply. With Ani snuggled against his chest, and Custos' arm around him, Anakin finally drifts off, feeling completely secure for one of the first times that he can remember.

**w**

Custos can't really say what it is that awakens him, but both of his sons – Anakin is a new addition, one he never expected to get, but one he's proud to have – still sleeping soundly. Reaching out with the Force, he senses something, or rather, someone. Obi-Wan. It's weird to call him that, but it's who he is. Custos is no longer Obi-Wan; he probably never will be again.

When Plagueis and Sidious ripped apart his mind, turning his worst fears and insecurities against him, the only way he could survive was by becoming stronger, by embracing his darkness and channeling it into something constructive. Ani gave him a focus, a purpose, and besides, he promised his dead master to train the boy. While Ani does have some basic Force training as well as knowledge of Form I in lightsaber combat, he needs far more extensive tutelage to become a true… Jedi? Sith? Custos isn't sure yet. But he will train Ani, even if it's the last thing he does in his life.

Obi-Wan's presence comes closer, and he bristles. No. That man has no right to come here, not after Custos know exactly how badly he hurt Anakin, unintentionally or not. Anakin's pain was bleeding into the Force so strongly that he's mildly surprised no one came to investigate. Perhaps his shielding was just that good. The young Jedi needed the chance to let go, to let it out, and Custos is glad that he was able to give him that opportunity.

The door slides open, and a white-hot rage lights up his veins at the sight of Obi-Wan, the Dark Side swirling heavily in the room around him. His boys stir, but he touches them, silently urging them back under. They begin to awaken ianyways, and he slowly disentangles from them, spinning to his feet. "You," he snarls, calling his lightsaber to his hand – he'd put it on the table last night since sleeping with the hilt would be inadvisable – and igniting it. "Why are you here?"

There is one truth which Custos knows, one truth which is the only thing that has meaning in the fragmented shards of his broken mind. He will keep Anakin Skywalker safe regardless of the cost to himself. He will kill anyone and everyone who stands in his way. No one touches Anakin, any Anakin. When he was but a shadow of himself, a specter ready to surrender to death, Ani had helped him. Ani was able to give him the strength he needed to fight back, to survive, and after that, he swore that he would never again let anyone harm a hair on his head. The next time Plagueis came to run yet more experiments on the hapless child, Custos was ready.

He struck. They struck, for Dooku was there, helping him every step of the way. The Count laid down his life to ensure they would both survive, and it's a debt which Custos doesn't know he'll ever be able to repay. He and Ani tried to flee, and they succeeded for a time. It gave him the chance to piece together his mind once more, to restore the man who had once been Obi-Wan Kenobi, but this time, he took on a new name for himself: Darth Custos. The Guardian. It's his duty in life to protect the Chosen One, and he will fulfill that goal to his last breath.

Obi-Wan's eyes flicker to Anakin and Ani behind him before he regards him coolly. "I was looking for Anakin." Custos can keenly see the hint of disapproval in the Jedi Master's eyes, and something within him snaps.

"Stay away from him!" he hisses, swinging his blade at him.

Obi-Wan brings his blue blade up to block him, and their lightsabers crash. A blinding rage takes over, and Custos attacks him furiously, driving him backwards out into the main hall of the Star Destroyer. His movements are somewhat wild and uncoordinated, but that's only because he has yet to settle on a proper lightsaber form which will enable him to channel the Dark Side adequately. Custos knows that he's being driven by his anger, but that's okay. He's a Sith now, no longer bound by the Jedi's ideals.

"Stop!" yells Anakin, his voice snapping both of them out of their fight. Custos pulls back, blade held defensively to block a potential attack from Obi-Wan as Anakin stalks towards them, a scowl firmly etched onto his face. "Why are you fighting?!" He sounds exasperated, and Custos almost doesn't see Ani until he's grabbing his sleeve.

"Dad, don't," he says, quietly enough that Custos doubts anyone else can hear him. His eyes are wide. "You'll make Anakin sad."

That's all it takes. Custos steps back, extinguishing his lightsaber and clipping the hilt back to his belt as his anger drains to more manageable levels. "I'm sorry," he tells Anakin. "I let my anger get the better of me."

Anakin jerks back as if struck, shock flaring into the Force around him. He recovers himself in a moment, but Custos still noticed. So did Obi-Wan, though he seems confused by the reaction. "We'll be exiting hyperspace momentarily," Obi-Wan says, seeming ready to ignore that their short duel just occurred. He clips his lightsaber back to his belt, looking between the three of them as if trying to analyze something.

Custos only narrows his eyes at him, refusing to let his counterpart see anything. After a moment, Obi-Wan steps back. "Come to the hanger with me. The Council is expecting us."

"No." Custos raises his head defiantly. "I'm not going to the Temple." He knew, once he accepted the Dark Side, that he could never return to the place he had once called home. He might be in a different reality altogether, but the same holds true here. He doesn't trust the Jedi, excluding Anakin. They'll probably arrest him, separating him from his sons, and he refuses to let that happen. Maybe coming here was a mistake. Maybe he should have convinced Anakin to help them escape so they could at least be safe.

Obi-Wan is obviously irritated at his refusal, but he gives a clipped nod. "Very well. I will go speak to the Council myself, but I'm sure they'll want to talk to you as well." He turns to leave, and Anakin steps forwards, something almost panicked in his expression.

"Master," he calls, and Obi-Wan stops, turning back to him. Custos can see the flicker of affection – and uncertainty – in his eyes, but he doubts Anakin will notice. "They're not dangerous… and they need our help." There's something almost pleading in his tone. He's afraid, Custos realizes, afraid for them.

"The Council is fair." It's all Obi-Wan says before he leaves.

"I think he's angry at me," Anakin whispers when his former master is gone. His tone is pained, and Custos wishes he could ease his worry. It's odd for him to feel helpless, but he does now. His fate is again out of his hands, and he doesn't like it.

"So do I," Custos admits with a sigh. "I hope I didn't make things worse between the two of you." It's difficult for him to say, because he wants nothing more than to grab Anakin and take him away where he'll be able to be safe and find happiness. He had to help Ani work through many of his issues and traumas from his childhood. He doubts that Anakin got the same chance.

"We should stop standing here," Ani suggests hesitantly, frowning. "People are staring."

Custos looks around, noticing that yes, some of the nearby soldiers are, in fact, looking at them warily. "Let's go back to our cabin then," he offers, looking at Anakin.

"You go ahead. I should go find Ahsoka. She's probably wondering where I am." He feels apprehensive through the Force, something which makes Custos uneasy.

"Do you think we're in danger?" he asks quietly.

Anakin shrugs. "I hope not, but the Council and I are not on the best of terms. They don't trust me, and if they think you're… influencing me somehow…" He grimaces. "I don't think they'll react very well."

Custos himself isn't sure what he thinks. He has to protect Ani at all costs, but he thinks it's also too late for them to leave. Anakin didn't say so, but that's definitely the impression which he gave. Still… "Do you think we should leave?"

His elder child sighs and shakes his head. "It's too late for that. I could give you a shuttle, but then the Council would turn its focus onto me. It would cause unnecessary problems, I think."

He reaches out, resting a hand on Anakin's shoulder. "You can come with us. That offer is still on the table."

Anakin's expression becomes pinched, even as he reaches up to clasp Custos' hand. "I can't. I can't leave…" His voice trails off, and he looks at him helplessly. His master isn't the only one on his mind either right now.

"You can't leave your Padawan," Custos understands, pulling Ani closer to his side with his other hand. "If you hear something, let us know. We'll be in our cabin."

They exchange nods, and Anakin leaves, walking down the hallway away from them. After a moment, Custos and Ani go back to their cabin. "Dad, are you sure they won't hurt us?" Ani asks fearfully.

"No, but I can only hope that they're willing to see reason. The Council as I remember it might be willing to at least not consider us enemies, but I don't know." He sits on the bunk, pulling Ani onto his lap and wrapping his arms around him. He loves his child – both his children, actually – with unparalleled fierceness. He loves them more than he ever loved Qui-Gon, his own master. Maybe that's natural. Maybe parents normally feel this way towards their children, he doesn't know. All he does know is that the Force is humming with an uneasy tension, and it unsettles him.

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