"We've detected a sizable mass on our newly arranged course from command. It would appear to be a habitable planet based on our initial evaluations, and we're approximately half an hour out from taking this landing crew down to the surface for an overnight research excursion."
Addressing Bones, Spock, and three cadets plucked from different operational divisions aboard the ship was a welcome relief. Granted it was early, and all five faces — with the exception of Spock — looked at me with varying levels of tiredness, annoyance and combinations of both. But anything was better than spending anymore time with myself, alone in my quarters, with my own thoughts.
Sleep had eluded me. After an hour or so spent alternating between staring up at the high ceiling and tossing and turning in my bed, I opted to spend the rest of the early morning hours nursing a glass of whiskey on my uncomfortably modern couch. Drinking and thinking had accomplished absolutely nothing. Shocking.
Instead of figuring out a way to try and move forward, a way to talk with Aria and make things right, all I had managed to do was spin my wheels in replaying moments that had come and gone over the course of our time together on the Enterprise. All that had accomplished was making myself more upset, more angry, and more lost. There was truth in some of what she said, along with falsities that I was itching to point out and clarify.
I could've used all the extra time I'd had this morning after getting ready to walk myself to her quarters and attempt to have a chat. Sure, that would've been the responsible, adult thing to do. But after a sleepless night laced with just enough drinking to give me a faint, nagging headache, I had opted to down a pot of coffee and head to the bridge early. There, I was able to revise the initial memo I had drafted to the crew members I'd selected for the excursion to the planet on our new course.
With the removal of Aria from the list of participants, I marked the message as urgent — meaning it would have an alarm sound sent with it, ensuring all the recipients were awoken at an ungodly hour — and sent it to those who currently stood before me, tired and annoyed.
"Permission to speak, Captain?"
My eyes darted to Spock, arms folding across my chest as I took in his signature unreadably blank expression and prepared myself to field whatever logical question or bit of information would come out of his mouth.
"Granted."
"It seems highly illogical to exclude the cadet Aria from this excursion. Seeing as she's expediting her formal education with Starfleet, and this is the first hands-on experience this mission has had to offer, it would be logical for the cadet to accompany this landing party to supplement her learnings with valuable firsthand experience."
It took everything within my power to keep my jaw from hanging open as the tall, lean Vulcan expressed his concerns about my selection of crew members for the excursion. Clenching my teeth, I made a halfhearted effort to wipe any residual frustration or anger from my expression before meeting his critical gaze with an equally as intense one of my own.
"Your input is heard and appreciated, commander, but the people assembled here consist of the small landing party that will be beamed down this morning."
I braced myself for the retort I thoroughly expected from the man who had done nothing but question my every move since joining Starfleet years ago. What I did not prepare myself for was Bones' voice to be the next sound I heard. My head snapped towards the doctor as the sound of his firm, grumpy tone that was laced with disappointment met my ears.
"I have to agree with commander Spock, captain. Cadet Aria has gone through rigorous academic and physical trials since she's been aboard the Enterprise. She's expressed her desire to participate in an excursion on this mission, and this would be the perfect opportunity for her to get some real experience. That is why you've selected these three other first year cadets, correct?"
The feeling of my fingers digging into the flesh of my bicep nearly made me wince. Each word out of the smug doctor's mouth had me gripping my crossed arm harder and harder. For two individuals who loathed each other, it was certainly convenient that they were suddenly teamed up on this particular issue. Gritting my teeth together, it was my turn to fix Bones with the same intense, thoroughly agitated gaze I'd just pinned Spock with moments ago.
"I can assure you, doctor, that your opinion is valued and welcomed. However, I have already assembled this group, and have made coordinating arrangements for supplies —"
"Pardon my interruption, captain," I turned my gaze back to Spock, my eyes widening with disbelief, " but I have already spoken with lieutenant commander Scott regarding the preparation of the small vessel that will be sent down with supplies, and he assured me that there are plenty of necessary items and rations for an additional crew member to participate."
I could feel the paper-thin veil masking my rising anger was mere moments away from slipping entirely. It was taking every last ounce of my energy to keep my tone even as I turned my body back towards the blank-faced Vulcan I'd come to trust deeply over our years of service together.
"That was entirely unnecessary and inappropriate, commander Spock. I understand that there are enough provisions to have an additional cadet accompany us on this small excursion, but I have already submitted my official request through comms to command, and my decision as captain is final."
Much to my own shock and borderline horror, he continued on, his posture somehow growing even taller and straighter — I swear he even pushed his chest forward.
"An amendment to your order would take just a matter of moments to submit, captain, and I can assure you the benefits of including cadet Aria on this excursion greatly outweigh the —"
Bones took a step forward, leaning towards me as I begrudgingly listened to Spock try and explain his blatant insubordination, which did not surprise me in the slightest but was also unexpected given his recent track record of quiet obedience.
"Sorry to interrupt, captain, but I find it might be worth mentioning that I informed cadet Aria this morning that she would be accompanying this excursion as a representative of the cadets from engineering. I spoke with Scotty early this morning about preparations, and he noted his disappointment with not having a representative from engineering as a part of the landing party. He recommended cadet Aria, and I agreed."
Everything in my mind bottomed out as Bones finished speaking, his eyes giving me a determined yet apologetic look that made me want to punch him right in the damn nose. It was my turn to draw my height up as tall as it could go, squaring my shoulders and lowering my chin as I looked on at the doctor with nothing but disdain and unfiltered annoyance.
"The insubordination demonstrated by both yourself and commander Spock has been noted, and will not go unpunished. This situation and wrongdoing can be rectified easily if the cadet has not been —"
For the third time in a handful of minutes, I was interrupted. This time it was from the opening of the doors to the bridge from the elevator. Scotty's smiling face emerged, followed by the quick and firm stride of Aria as they walked over to where our small group stood by my captain's chair.
The even, unflinching glare she delivered me was the epitome of anger, pure and deep. She, much like everyone else on the bridge who was now in an unofficial and unannounced pissing contest with one another, carried her head held high with her shoulders drawn back and her chin tipped upwards. Scotty might as well have been living in an alternate universe, blissfully unaware of how he'd been implicated in the current mess Bones and Spock had taken upon themselves to create.
"Good mornin' captain, commander, doctor McCoy, cadets. Since cadet Aria needed to come join the crew for debrief, I thought I'd come up in person to let ya' know that the provisions on the small cargo carrier are ready for your departure. I'll be sure to send them down once you've established a good location after your arrival."
The chipper engineer smiled up at me, his happiness completely at odds with the tension that wracked the room. I flicked my gaze just past to him to watch as Aria sidled in next to Spock, her posture nearly as perfect and formal as the Vulcan's. With more painful clenching of my jaw and subtle adjustment of my posture in an effort to refocus on the matter at hand, I turned my attention back to the jovial Scotsman before me.
"Mister Scott, I regret to inform you that doctor McCoy did not have the authority to —"
Just as I was about to attempt to rectify the growing shitshow of a situation that the three men standing before me had created, the elevator doors to the bridge opened once more, this time revealing the rest of the crew reporting to their posts for the day. Uhura led the small group, her smile and demeanor matching Scotty's in blissful ignorance of the insubordination committed by her peers.
"Reporting for duty, captain. I'll be on standby for you and the crew heading down to the unknown planet today in case a need arises for linguistic assistance with natives or otherwise."
"Thank you, lieutenant Uhura. Now as I was saying, mister Scott, while I understand your desire to have a cadet —"
"Captain — my apologies for interrupting, but we are ten minutes out from reaching the planet and being within range for beaming departure."
The rising frustration and anger inside of me crested as the helmsman looked on, waiting for my response. I sighed deeply, letting the annoyance and frustration fade into resignation and defeat. With a pursed-lip smile, I reigned in what little was left of my patience and offered a small nod to the lieutenant who eagerly awaited my acknowledgement and any further orders.
"Thank you for the update, lieutenant Sulu. The landing party will make their way down to the transporter shortly." I turned back towards the assembled crew members, and with a quick breath in and out of my nose, I leveled a hard glare between Spock and Bones. "The unexpected and unauthorized addition to the group will be welcomed, gentlemen, but your misconduct will be discussed further at a later time."
Then I turned to Aria, facing her for the first time since she'd made her firm and stern entrance onto the bridge. I tried to soften my expression, tried to look at her with anything but the hot ire that spiked in my gut when I took in her cold, unreadable face. I still didn't understand how she made me feel so much all at the same time. I wanted to scream at her until I turned blue in the face. I wanted to pull my heart out of my chest and show her how it beat as I managed to cry tears I hadn't let loose in god knows how long. I wanted to not care. But I did, and I had to fight to shelve the unspoken words between us as I addressed her as calmly and politely as I could manage under the present circumstances.
"Rest assured, cadet, that your addition to this group and participation in this excursion are both deeply appreciated. It will be an invaluable experience for your current, ongoing education, and your future with Starfleet. I hope it proves to be an interesting and insightful look into a potential career."
"I appreciate the opportunity, captain, as well as you being alright with my last second addition to the group." Her expression was still unreadable as she gave her emotionless, flat response. There was nothing in her golden eyes. No anger, no gratitude, nothing. It made me uncomfortable. It made me want to shrug my shoulders, fidget on my feet, roll my neck back and forth. I fought the urge to move my body in an anxious way, and instead gave her a brief nod before turning to survey the entire group.
"I am grateful for all of you participating in this excursion, and thoroughly expect it to be an insightful and educational trip for everyone involved. Now, without further interruption, head down to the transporter and get ready for beaming. If you have any questions about that process, feel free to ask mister Scott on the way down. Dismissed."
As the small group began to file out, off the bridge and into the elevator, I let loose a deep sigh of relief and exhaustion. Much to my relief, no one wanted to hang back to chat — my threat of discussing the blatant insubordination displayed by not only one, but two officers had clearly left an impression. Good thing we would all be spending the night together away from the ship, in a foreign place where there would be no escape from the roasting I was prepared to give them both.
I watched as the last cadet filed into the elevator in front of Bones and Spock. As my eyes roamed over the small, packed space, a pair of honey golds snagged my gaze. The stoic express she'd worn during her brief time on the bridge had been replaced by something much softer as she stared at me from the back of the elevator. It wasn't sadness, but something that might've been a cross between regret and hurt.
Suddenly the doors were shutting, cutting off our stare-down and leaving me alone with Uhura, Sulu and the rest of the bridge crew. I sighed again as I relished the last few minutes I'd have to myself before having to lead the excursion that was supposed to serve as time away from Aria to think, and which was now turning into very close quarters with her, where I would in fact have no escape or reprieve.
With as much excess chit chat and over-explanation as possible, I gave my last orders to each of the members of the bridge before heading to the small elevator myself. Just before the doors shut, Uhura approached and offered a knowing smile, along with departing words.
"Good luck, captain. Be safe."
A halfhearted smile and subtle nod were all I offered her as the doors shut. There was no way she'd spoken with Aria about what had happened — right? Or had Aria sought Uhura out after our … I didn't even know what to call it. It wasn't a fight, it wasn't a disagreement, it was just … emotions. Feelings. Hurt and fear coming to the surface.
I did my best to push the intrusive thoughts out of my mind as I stepped out of the elevator and made my way to the transporter. Observe. Keep people safe. That was all I needed to do in the next 24 hours. I needed to keep it together just long enough to make it back to the ship with everyone intact, and then I could try and sort out how best to approach the situation with Aria.
As I rounded the corner to where the transporter was located, I was met with beams of light swirling around bodies on the pad before the glow became so intense it forced my eyes to squint until they were nearly shut. Blinking off the sudden bursts of light, I was left with Scotty behind the controls, and Aria off to the side of the pad, looking on with an ashen face at where the solid bodies of her fellow crewmates had been just moments ago.
"Ah, captain, just in time. Maybe you'll be able to help out with this wee predicament. You see, cadet Aria here has never been beamed down before, and she's feeling a bit … apprehensive. Perhaps you'd be able to offer a few comforting words and beam down with the lass so she feels a bit more at ease, aye?"
I took in her pale face and horrified expression as I came to stand next to her, Scotty at our backs as we stood facing the pad together.
"And here I thought Bones was the only one who loathed being transported through space in any way, shape or form."
My humor was lost on her. She didn't even so much as register my presence. It was then, after getting closer to her, that I could see how quick and shallow her breathing was, and how much tension wracked her posture. She was truly panicking.
Looking over my shoulder at Scotty, he gave me a pursed smile and a shrug of his shoulders, insinuating that perhaps he and the other officers and cadets who had beamed down had tried and failed to coax her onto the pad. With a settling breath in and out of my nose, I stepped forward and in front of where Aria stood, putting myself between her and the transporter.
My sudden appearance before her wasn't enough to break her gaze — she just continued to stare through me to the pad beyond, entranced by fear and anxiety. Slowly and carefully, I placed my hands on her shoulders before crouching down slightly so our eyes could be on the same level, hopefully forcing her to gaze to refocus on what was infront of her.
With a gentle squeeze of her shoulders with my hands, her golden eyes blinked a few times before resting on mine, genuine fear and uncertainty beaming from their depths. She looked back and forth between my eyes quickly, her nervousness still palpable through every shallow breath she took. I did my best to give her a reassuring look, offering her a small smile before speaking in a calm, soothing tone.
"Aria. It's alright. Using the transporter is intimidating. It's weird, and unnatural if I'm being honest. But it's safe, I promise you that. Scotty here has beamed me back and forth dozens of times without incident. He's the best at what he does, and he won't let anything happen to you."
Her eyes darted back and forth as she looked up at me, and she managed a few small nods before responding in a small, quiet voice.
"I don't like being afraid like this. It's silly and pointless."
"It's neither of those things. It's perfectly normal and natural. We'll do it together, okay? I'll be right next to you the whole time. It'll be quick, easy, and over before you know it. Come on."
I dropped my hands from her shoulders before walking onto the pad and offering her my hand. She looked up at me for a moment, her face still ashen from the fear she was no doubt still battling with, and as she reached out to take my hand, she said, "I'm still incredibly pissed at you, this doesn't change that."
"Oh I would expect nothing less, cadet." I gave her the smirk I know she both loved and hated before closing my fingers around her hand and pulling her forward onto the pad. She moved to turn around, but I snagged her other hand in mine and tugged, keeping her facing towards me.
"For this first time, it'll be easier to have something solid to focus on. Trust me. Just keep your eyes on mine."
"How convenient." Her voice didn't match the sharp sarcasm of her words — it wavered, fear lacing every syllable in a quiet, unsure hush.
"Alright you two, here we go. Beginning transmission."
Light slowly started to gather and swirl around us, and she gripped my hands tighter, her mouth parting as her breathing grew faster and more erratic. I moved my thumbs over the back of her hands as slowly and soothingly as I could, keeping my gaze locked onto her wide, frightened eyes that darted around frantically.
"I'm scared."
"It's okay to be scared, but when will you learn that when you're with me, there's nothing to be afraid of?"
"You're insufferable." The light around us was growing brighter by the second as the particles that composed the walls of the ship began to move and fade into the surface of the planet we were about to be beamed down to. As the intensity of the scientific phenomena ramped up, Aria's panic broke through whatever small amount of reassurance I was able to offer her.
"I can't do this, Jim. I can't. I can't." She tried to pull away from me and turn towards where Scotty was intently calculating and recalculating the scientific specifics as we neared full, complete beaming. Moving a hand up and around to her back, I pulled her into me then, my arms wrapping around her tightly. Pulling her head into my shoulder, I placed my lips next to her ear as I gave her a reassuring squeeze.
"You can do it. We'll do it together. We'll come out on the other side just fine. We can do it. You'll forget all about how strange this is once we're on the planet."
Everything around us pulled away — the walls of the ship, Scotty's form behind the console, the artificial lights. Each part of the modern marvel that kept us safe while we were venturing around space was suddenly gone, and for a split second we were lost to the blackness of nothing. I felt her fingernails dig into my back sharply as both of us were consumed by the odd and unnatural nothing of being teleported.
My hand instinctively moved to cradle the back of her head as the in-between of our existences peaked. Darkness slowly gave way to natural brightness. I felt solid ground beneath my feet, and cracked my eyes to watch as our new surroundings gradually came into view.
Cold, bluish-white hues mingled with bright greens in light and dark shades. There were streaks of vibrant colors interspersed between the solid greens and blues — pinks, purples, yellows and reds. Both cool and warm air met my body as we came into stillness on the surface of the new planet. My grip on Aria loosened as we stopped, the two of us now being fully teleported and in one piece.
Lifting my head up from her shoulder, I looked around and blinked against bright, natural light. What met my eyes was unlike anything I had ever seen before. I had visited countless planets during my tenure as captain, each of them having their own unique ecosystem that often made me wonder how such marvels were even possible. But this, this planet was beyond anything I had ever seen before.
"I think I'm going to throw up or pass out."
"Look up, and please don't do either."
As I continued looking around our new surroundings in complete and utter awe, I felt her shift in my arms. Just as I spotted the rest of the crew walking around not too far from where we'd been beamed down, Aria's grip on my back slackened. Her quiet voice met my ears, her displeasure from her first teleport fading into pure wonderment.
"This can't be real. It can't be. How can a place like this even exist?"
My hands dropped from her back to her hands again as I continued looking around.
"That's what's so beautiful about traveling through space, Aria — it reminds you just how spectacularly wonderful new places can be, and just how much exists outside of our own little corner of it."