Chapter 7 – Spiraling

Author's Note: In which Custos and Obi-Wan talk. :D

~ Amina Gila

It may have been years since Custos was a Jedi, but some habits can never be broken. Even now, even as a Sith, he still tries to meditate every morning, though he's now focusing more on embracing the Dark Side and exploring the Force than he is on finding "calm." Peace is a lie; there is only passion. He might not care much for the Sith Code as a whole, but that line is truth. Besides, he finds it exceedingly difficult to not feel passionate about Ani. The boy somehow stole his entire heart, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

In another lifetime, if he'd made a different choice, Custos knows that he might have ended up marrying Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore and having children with her, but… he doesn't want that life anymore, because it would have meant never meeting Ani. His children with Satine would have been his children by blood, but Ani is his son by choice and by Force. The bond that binds them is unbreakable, or so he hopes. He would lose himself entirely if he ever lost his child, either of his children.

There's something so incredibly touching and intimate about the way they look at him, blue eyes filled with unwavering trust, loyalty, and adoration. It's especially true for Anakin. Even if Custos has only known him for a day, he feels as if he's known him for years. Anakin is passionate, loyal to the end, impulsive, intense. He's special. Custos never thought it possible to love anyone as deeply as he does Anakin and Ani. They are his everything, and there's nothing he wouldn't do to keep his sons safe and happy. If only it was within his power to do so.

He doesn't deserve to have Anakin – either one – love him so deeply. They deserve so much better than the life he has to offer to them, and yet, for some reason, they don't care. Ani wouldn't leave his side willingly if he was given a choice. And Anakin… Custos already knows that the elder wants to stay with him; he wants to keep him close along with Obi-Wan. It's fine. He understands that the bond Anakin shares with Obi-Wan is not one he can forget easily, much less move past. Anakin needs both of them, and hopefully, Custos' arrest won't force him to take a side. Custos wouldn't want to be the reason Anakin abandoned his former master for someone else, especially not when it would be a decision that would forever haunt him.

He might not like the sway Obi-Wan has over the Anakin, the way that he selfishly treats him, castigating him for his emotions, holding him at arms-length, but he still accepts that Anakin's attachment will never go away. At the same time, Custos knows that Anakin needs time to sort out his head; he needs time to become a person away from Obi-Wan's shadow. Perhaps he's being cynical, but Custos doesn't think that Obi-Wan will change. He's too old, too set in the Jedi's ways. It depends on whether his love for Anakin is greater than his love for himself and the Order.

Putting aside his thoughts, Custos lets himself drift into the Force. He's in a Force-dampening cell which means he can't reach outwards, but he can reach inwards. He can still feel the Force humming through him, the Dark Side curling around him, heeding his beck and call. Images drift into his mind, and he lets them come, the darkness sweeping through him.

Sidious' face, cast in shadows, appears in his mind's eye, a dark, sinister grin on his face, yellow eyes glowing. He looks much like Custos remembers in their final duel, except older somehow. "You lost," he mocks, throwing out a hand, and Custos sees Anakin – it's not Ani; he knows it – on his knees, head bowed, almost invisible chains wrapped around him. "You will not take him from me, from his destiny."

Custos sucks in a sharp breath, awareness snapping back to the present. That has never happened before. Ani is prone to having visions, but he's never shared that propensity, and it's never been like that. It is true that the Dark Side gives additional clarity, and perhaps his new connection to Anakin has granted him the ability to see beyond the Veil of the Dark Side. Sidious is… alive? Trying to turn Anakin?

Please no, he thinks desperately, wildly. I won't lose my son to that monster. It doesn't matter what he has to do, who he has to kill. He refuses to let Anakin fall victim to Sidious. If only he had a way of reaching out, of contacting the outside world.

At that very moment, he hears footsteps approaching his cell, and he looks up to see Obi-Wan stepping into view on the other side of the ray shield. The Jedi Master's expression is stony, anger barely concealed and still there, probably despite his best efforts to release it. Probably. Custos will be the first to admit that he used to be extremely selfish but given that he never had anyone to take care of him when he was young, it's not surprising. He always looked out for himself first and foremost. That changed when he and Ani were imprisoned. He had to stop thinking about himself and start thinking about Ani. If he hadn't, only one of them would have survived, and it wouldn't have been the child.

"Did you want something?" Custos asks lightly as Obi-Wan stands there silently, scrutinizing him. He doesn't shift out of his meditative position. Let the Jedi think what he wants; it doesn't matter to him.

"You are meditating," Obi-Wan notes.

"You noticed," Custos replies sarcastically. "How astonishing." He should probably stop trying to intentionally antagonize the elder, but he doesn't want to. Seeing Anakin's pain hurt him, and the desire to hurt someone who harms him – or someone he loves – is still a part of him.

The Jedi's eyes narrow. "What do you want with Anakin?"

Custos is taken aback by the question for a moment, before he understands, fury swelling up, rolling out into the Force as the Dark Side surges, bleeding his eyes yellow as he rises to his feet. The Jedi think that he's manipulating Anakin – both of them, probably – and that he wants to make them Fall. As if he could be monstrous enough to do that to the children who are relying on him, trusting him to take care of them. It's a burden, but it's one he's accepted gladly, and it's one that has nothing to do with Qu- his former master. He's not taking care of Ani, because he promised his dead master that; he's caring for Ani, because he wants to, because Ani deserves that much at least.

His sons are too good, too pure. They don't belong in such a messed-up world. They deserve better. If he could give them the galaxy itself as recompense for the traumas they've endured, traumas that no child should ever be forced to bear, he would do it.

"You have it all backwards," Custos retorts sharply. "I never went to Anakin. He came to me. Perhaps you should ask him." Obi-Wan won't, of course, and even if he does, Anakin will never answer; Custos knows that. Still, perhaps prodding Obi-Wan in the right direction will be enough. He's intelligent. It's only a matter of whether or not he'll choose to see his own faults.

"He's not answering my comms," Obi-Wan informs him blandly.

Custos snorts mirthlessly. He's not even surprised. Thinking about how much Anakin and Ani must be suffering right now makes his heart twist painfully. His children need him, but the Jedi don't care. "Of course, he's not," he mutters, rolling his eyes. It might be a childish gesture, but it will hopefully get across the point that Obi-Wan is being an idiot. "What else could you expect? I mean, you did raise him, unless I'm very much mistaken." He's not. Anakin wouldn't lie about that. Why would he? "You ought to know how his mind operates."

"You have far too much sway over him for you not to be manipulating him," Obi-Wan argues. "I know Anakin. He's not so… open with just anyone."

"You don't understand him, how he thinks and feels," Custos counters. "You are questioning what I am doing to him, instead of asking yourself what you are not doing."

"What is that supposed to mean?" demands Obi-Wan.

Custos only smiles. "Figure it out."

There's a lull in the conversation, as Obi-Wan clearly puzzles over what he was told. It's almost funny. It will take him more than a few minutes, especially given how much introspection he'll have to do. He won't like the answers he's finding; he won't like acknowledging how much he's not giving Anakin what he needs. Is it an attachment? Yes, absolutely, but denying it is only doing Anakin more harm than good, leaving him agonizing over what he wants and craves when it seems so unattainable. Having children is natural, just as having parents is. It's time for Obi-Wan to either accept that or let Anakin go so he can find someone who can and will help him.

Custos is reminded of his maybe-vision; it's something that Anakin could shed light on most readily, but he might still be able to get some information out of Obi-Wan if he asks his questions right. "Who is the current Chancellor?" It's the most important question.

Obi-Wan looks at him oddly. "Why does it even matter?"

Custos shrugs nonchalantly, carefully suppressing his anxiety, forcing himself to hide how fast his heart is pounding. This is important; the Force is practically screaming it. "Just curious," he answers. "Anakin never had a chance to tell me the details about the ongoing war, so I'm wondering. In my time, events never proceeded far enough for such a thing to come about."

It seems to allay Obi-Wan's suspicions, at least to a point. "The Chancellor is Sheev Palpatine," he informs Custos.

Only months of learning absolute control enable Custos to remain outwardly unaffected. He doesn't flinch or pale or so much as twitch. "Ah, I know of him," he comments pleasantly as if he's not talking about the man who helped break his mind and sanity, who helped torture – because those experiments were nothing short of barbaric – Ani to the point where he was sometimes unable to move for days without excruciating pain. "How is he handling the war? What does he think of it?"

"He's handling it well enough, I suppose," Obi-Wan replies carefully, eyes narrowing. "If you want to know what he thinks of it personally, you'd have to ask Anakin. The two of them are… quite good friends."

Custos stills. "Why is Anakin friends with the Chancellor?" he inquires, something in his voice, perhaps the sheer fury simmering beneath his words, making Obi-Wan take a step back, as if he might manage to break through the ray shield and murder the Jedi Master right where he's standing. Even if he could break out, he wouldn't do that to Obi-Wan. Anakin could never endure the pain of his loss.

"It's – The Chancellor took an interest in Anakin was he was a Padawan," Obi-Wan explains slowly, suspiciously. "I have never approved of their relationship, but it's useful to us, so I have let it be. Anakin respects him very much, and I know that forbidding him from seeing the Chancellor would only cause resentment and mistrust."

"Let me get this straight," Custos says flatly, his disbelief – and horror – rising by the moment. If Sidious has laid one finger on Anakin, may the Force have mercy on him, because Custos certainly will not. "You let an elderly politician have unmonitored access to a young boy on the politician's say-so? I don't know if you and the rest of the Jedi are stupid or being deliberately dense, but that is never okay." Okay, maybe he's being a little unfair here, because it's not as if he would have known better had he not been captured by Sidious. But the truth still remains that Anakin should never have been put in such close proximity with a stranger who is so much older than him and who has all the power. It's practically begging for child abuse to occur.

"I want to speak to Anakin," Custos states adamantly.

A strange look flickers across Obi-Wan's face. "He is not to be permitted to visit you," the Jedi appraises him.

"Why not? Because you're afraid I'll poison him against you," the Sith sneers with a derisive laugh. "You would be watching our conversation and interactions anyways, so that's not the problem." He moves closer to the ray shield, close enough that any further, and he'll be touching it. "No. You, Obi-Wan Kenobi, are selfish. You don't want me to talk to Anakin, not because you fear I'm manipulating him, but because you don't want to let him go. You refuse to accept that he needs something you won't give to him, and you're too selfish to let him find emotional support from someone else: me. For Anakin's sake, I hope your selfishness doesn't come back to haunt you."

Obi-Wan jolts back, visibly stung. "How dare you?" he seethes, his anger finally breaking free as he lashes out. "I'm not the one who's selfish! I'm not the one who was weak, who chose the Dark Side."

His words were meant to hurt, but they don't. Custos doesn't deny who and what he is. "Am I selfish?" he muses. "Perhaps, but I am willing to see beyond myself. Am I weak?" Custos pauses, laughing, though there's no amusement in it. "When it comes to my sons, yes, I am. I would kill for them." He says it shamelessly, because even if he should be, he's not ashamed of it, of his love for them.

Obi-Wan is rendered speechless, and though he looks as if he would love nothing more than to say something nasty and biting, he doesn't even know what. "Anakin isn't your son." His voice isn't nearly as certain or steady as he probably would like, Custos imagines. "I raised him. Not you. You'll never know him the way I do, so don't delude yourself."

Custos thinks back to Anakin's whispered tearful confession, to the way he let his heartbreak bleed out and he knows that Obi-Wan is wrong. He has no idea how much Anakin loves, to what lengths Anakin would go for him. He has no idea how lucky he is to have such an intensity and adoration fixed on him and him alone. It may change in time, especially if Anakin has children, but for now, Custos doesn't think that any force in the galaxy could make Anakin love Obi-Wan any less.

"I sometimes wonder if he cares…"

"I shouldn't want more, but I do."

"Is that what you think?" Custos murmurs, amused despite himself. It's almost hilarious in a tragic sort of way. "If you really believe that, if it's really true, then you're far more selfish than I thought possible." Because he can't conceive how he – or anyone – could possibly remain unaffected and distant in the face of Anakin's affection, given freely and without strings attached. He loves… because he loves.

Custos has long since learned not to question too deeply why Anakin is as he is. He understands Anakin's past and the things he endured as a slave, things which Ani shared with him bits at a time. He understands why Anakin – any Anakin – will act as he does, but he doesn't need or want to spend time wondering why Anakin is so emotional and intense and… everything that makes him who he is. Anakin is a gift to be cherished; his passion is a result of his Force sensitivity. In many ways, Custos probably understands Anakin better than Obi-Wan ever will, at least until he learns how to ask the right questions.

He steps back from the ray shield, pointedly turning his back on the Jedi Master as he returns to his position on the floor. "If you will not offer Anakin the help you can and allow me to speak with him, then leave. I have nothing more to say to you." He doesn't regret the curtness of his words, or feel the slightest shred of guilt, even as something like pain flickers through Obi-Wan's blue-gray eyes. He must sense the truth in Custos' words because he nods and leaves, footsteps receding down the hall.

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