Hey Boss,

The old fashioned letter was a great idea. Definitely, more our style. I am better with written words, not so much the verbal. Thank you for coming out to see Delilah off, I saw you in the church, I know why you couldn't stay. You're one of the few people that knew what happened in the end. I'm glad Tony blabbed his big mouth to you, don't think I'd have been able to. Was I wrong to hide her letter from the world? She was leaving me for her boss, leaving the twins too. They'd been having an affair for two and half years. She left while I was at work, got on that plane with him and it crashed. I didn't find her letter until after the DoD came to notify me. Low blow, if you ask me. Notifying me in the bullpen, in front of our entire floor, at the top of his voice, so everyone could hear him, I was humiliated. Agents Jackson and Agent Callahan were there, physically. The only one to comfort me though, was Vance. He came down from his office, he knew, too little too late. Nick had been taken out by a bomb only the week before, it was my first day back. Vance was ropable at the DoD.

The kids seem to be doing ok, Johnny and Morgan, they grieve in smaller chunks, Rachel Cranston says that's ok, that's its going to be a long journey for them. I called her up, I knew they needed someone. I needed her, needed the connection to Kate too. To feel like my guardian angel was by my side. Like you said Boss, Kate took me under her wing, she nurtured me. She was my friend, my mentor. Rachel was there for me, after Parsa's attack. You were too. Probably more than her. What you said to you to me, in squad room that night. You were right and it helped me. You know, thank you for everything you've ever done for me, and you've done a lot.

Losing Ziva gutted me, looking back. We flew to Chicago, saw Tony and Tali. The twins helped her, never thought, Tali, would be helping them now. Tony needed me, so I went. Like you said, we're brothers. As skilled as Ziva was, to lose her in a car accident was the worst way we could have lost her. I think, mentally, we were always prepared to lose her to someone of her past. Not to something beyond our control. Tony knows you're there for them. He said he'll reach out when he's ready. At least he hasn't pulled a page out of Senior's playbook and thrown himself into his work, which, we know, is his usual M.O.

Parker, he wasn't as skilled as you at being a lone wolf. Assassinated, in cold blood right before my eyes, for something related to a case twenty years before we met, it had nothing to do with NCIS. Tobias was next, you know he really looked out for me, after you left. Frequently stopping in, seeing the kids. He told them, he was 'Uncle Toby'. I thought I was ok, leaving you in Alaska, but I think I left a part of me there with you. Fornell was the only one who saw it. Maybe Delilah did, but she didn't care too much. By then, she was waist deep in her affair. But, Tobias was ready to go. He missed Emily and, probably missed Diane too. They're reunited in death. I had him buried next to Emily. Hope you don't mind me stepping in. He was a good friend. Honestly, I kept expecting you to show. But I know the pain was too raw for you.

To know Ellie took her own life was hard too, in another world we could have been something. But I was still in love with my wife, I was faithful to my wife in every sense of the word. Odette wrote me to tell us, that she was at peace. Never thought Ellie would go out like that, to take her own life. She had three brothers, I know you met them. I met them too. They came to NCIS looking for me. They told me, she loved me, like a brother. She willed me, some shiny quartz, her brother said it was her prized possession. She left Morgan a necklace and Johnny her favourite book. But we both knew it was more. Quasim's death changed her, she wasn't the same girl we recruited from NSA. Not even close. You saw it too, I believe. You know I never acted on it right? I'm not that kind of man.

By the time, Mike Franks and Jenny Shepard's died, I was numb. Every death was taking a piece of me, watching my friends grieve. Watching you grieve. I just tried to be there for you. I know you've always been a stubborn SOB, but I wasn't stupid. You didn't need to be mollycoddled. Just like you were there for me with Jim Nelson and Paula Cassidy's deaths. You didn't bombard me with empty platitudes, force me to go drinking, or make me go to the gun range or learn a new weapon. You just sat with me, it was what I needed.

You mentioned Pacci, wish I knew him better. Only met him a handful of times. I know he was a friend to you, not just the agent in the next bullpen over. That's why I dedicated Deep Six to his memory. Why I didn't change his name in the book, so his memory is immortal in the words of my book.

To lose Dad, like that, right after we re-connected hurt like hell boss. That time, you knew I needed more, more than just a silent, stoic supporter. You were looking out for me. When you grabbed me, pulled me into you before my knees buckled. I needed that strength, needed it from you. Delilah was away on assignment, you knew I had no one to go home to. You took me out to your car, and took me to your home, handing me the bourbon. I knew I'd be ok. Eventually. I never knew Dad asked you to visit him in the hospital, but I am not surprised. He made a few comments here and there, in the end. Made me promise to not shut you out. I always thought, Penny would be there for me, when he went. She didn't come. Sarah wasn't there. In the end, all I had was you. I know you'll say no thanks necessary, but it is. So thank you.

I've never grieved my Mum's death, never felt the need to. I didn't really know her. Ducky used to tell me, that was ok. Oh Ducky, what would he have made of all this mess? He'd certainly have some sage wisdom, or words of advice. Perhaps even have had some firm words for Delilah. Ducky was my rock, as long as I had him, I knew I'd be ok, if you weren't here, in DC. I found him, you know. Leon was worried, when he didn't show up. He sent me to check everything out. Jimmy was working on a triple homicide with Callahan. Thank goodness, it wasn't him. I don't think he would have coped, finding Ducky. Not after he lost Breena. Ducky was his rock too, and yours. Knowing Ducky just slipped away in his sleep, peacefully, was a cold comfort. Ducky wanted a private funeral, with no mourners. But it didn't stop me. I knew you couldn't go. Knew there was more to the 'trip' you had. Did some checking on you. You knew you fractured your collarbone, tripping on your boot. I had to be, be there for you, for me, for Tony and Ziva, for Abby, for Jimmy, for Ellie and Torres, even for Leon. In the end, I couldn't do anything else. He had his funeral planned, everything was planned. He left everything to charity, with the exception of small trust funds for Victoria, Tali, Johnny and Morgan. But you knew that. I am assuming you got his letter to you, from his lawyer. I got one too.

You're right, Boss. You weren't like a father to me, you were my father, in every way but blood. You certainly taught me more than he ever did. You had my back more, my six. When we were captive in Paraguay, I knew I'd be ok. Knew we'd get home safely, because you had my six. When you opened up to me about Joe, about your experiences in Kuwait, it opened my eyes more. Made me strive to be better. A better agent, a better man, husband and father. Made me understand you better too. You rarely gave out praise, so when you did, I took it on board. You told me how proud you were of me. How I always had my head on straight - that's something I'm not really feeling at the moment. You told me to keep pushing, so that's what I've got to do. Keep pushing through, to come out the other side.

I've had my own team for a year and a half now, got your old job. MCRT team leader, Leon told me that you'd be proud of me. He's been pushing me to step up more. Wants me to go for Deputy Director Kerr's job at the Navy Yard. Told him, I'd think about it. Now with Delilah's death, it might be time. If something happens to me, there's only you take care of my kids. Tony's too wrapped up in his grief. I've had Tali for almost a month with me now. Tali begged him to come stay with Uncle Tim. So, I've applied for an administration job. After twenty three years, I'm ready to come out of the field.

We moved into your house, like you asked. Delilah hated it, refused to stay there. But I don't, I feel at home there. I feel safe because I feel you there. I have your weapons still under tight security, locked away, you'll let me know if you need them. Put Kelly's things in storage, I know you said to give them to Morgan, but I can't. I have to treasure them, I'm not ready and I don't think you're ready either for me to pass them on. But I did give Morgan her room like you asked, Tali's been bunking in there too. Jackson's things are in the attic, again, not ready to let go of them either. I put all your stuff up there too. Thanks for letting us stay, we needed a fresh start, especially after Delilah's betrayal.

I won't find out about the Deputy Director job for another two months, at least. Kerr has been working on a classified project, that must be finished before he can retire.

So, I spoke to Vance, I need time to heal and he said maybe a change of scenery will do our family good.

Alaska in the summertime, sounds peaceful. Sounds like tranquility, we're running kind of low on that right now.

Bags are all packed, Boss. We're going to Alaska.

See you next week.

Tim