Chapter 16 – Prisoner
Author's Note: In which Anakin is taken to a cell, and he sees Custos again. :)
~ Amina Gila
They take him down to the prison level where Custos is – Anakin only knows that because it's the level where dangerous Force sensitives are kept – and there's nowhere else where they would keep him anyways. A couple Temple guards escort them, not that it's even necessary, because Anakin would be hard pressed to defeat both Obi-Wan and Windu, especially without a lightsaber.
The Dark Side is eating at him, and Anakin doesn't know how to let go of it; he doesn't know if he even wants to, and that was definitely not part of the plan. After he's imprisoned, he was supposed to let go of it so it wouldn't affect him any longer than it absolutely had to... but none of them really knew much about the Dark Side, about how it affects those who have Fallen. Custos might be able to help. He's probably the only one who can.
As Obi-Wan and Windu escort Anakin down the hall, he catches sight of Custos in a cell up ahead, sensing his Force signature – however muted and warped it may be – more than seeing him. He stills, heart nearly skipping a beat as he jerks against the Jedi's grip, forcing them to stop moving forwards, deeper into the prison.
"Custos," Anakin breathes, eyes desperately searching the other man's face, checking to make sure that he's really alright down here, all alone.
Custos' eyes widen when he sees Anakin standing there in binders, shock visibly flitting over his face. He instantly moves to the ray shield. "Oh, Anakin, what have you done?" He sounds dismayed, worried, and so much like Obi-Wan that it's like a knife to the heart. Anakin has missed this, missed him.
"I didn't..." His voice trails off, and he shakes his head, ignoring the way Obi-Wan and Windu keep trying to prod him forwards. "I had to do it," he whispers. "Better me than Ani."
Something dark flickers across Custos' face. "How is he?"
Anakin doesn't want to tell him, but he deserves to know. "He's a wreck," he answers, maybe a tad too bluntly. "He's falling apart, and I couldn't help him."
"It's okay," Custos promises. "It's not your fault, Anakin. We'll be okay."
And maybe he shouldn't be making such promises when he doesn't know that, but he's probably able to sense how much Anakin needs the comfort. Perhaps the Jedi are only allowing this interaction because they're using the opportunity to judge them, to study them, to draw their own conclusions. Anakin hates feeling like he's a strange specimen to be examined, but he's so relieved to be able to talk to Custos that he hardly even cares.
"I'm sorry," he says, though he doesn't know why he says it. Maybe it's for failing to protect Ani, even from himself. Maybe it's for Falling – the guilt feels like it could devour him whole.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Custos replies. He's so close to the ray shield that any closer and he'll be touching it. "You need to let it go, Anakin." His voice is grave, serious, anxious. "This is – this should never have happened. Let go."
"How?" Anakin demands desperately. "I can't..." He instinctively tries to take a step closer to the Sith, to the comfort and aid which he's promising, but Windu stops him, pushing him away with a little more force than is necessary. If looks could kill, Anakin is quite certain Custos would have vaporized Windu on the spot.
"Don't. Touch. My. Son," he snarls, eyes bleeding yellow.
Anakin senses more than sees Obi-Wan and Windu exchanging glances. He says nothing to contradict Custos' claim, and why should he? This is – it's the truth, in a way. He is an Anakin. Custos only cares about that. He doesn't care that Anakin sees Obi-Wan as a father; he knows how much Anakin is struggling, and he's willing to step forwards and help him however he needs it. And he appreciates that, more than words could ever say.
"Come on," orders Windu, ignoring Custos entirely and prodding Anakin to keep walking. They put him two cells down from Custos, far enough away that they can't see each other, but close enough that they can still communicate fairly reasonably. As the two Jedi Masters walk away, Anakin hears Windu telling Obi-Wan that they need to keep a close eye on both of them and begin their investigation in earnest.
He doesn't care though; they can question him all they want. They keep looking in the wrong places for the answers, and Anakin owes them nothing. Not anymore. He sits down on the edge of the bunk, rubbing his left wrist and closing his eyes, wondering what will happen from here. Their plan is extremely risky, and they have no guarantee that it will even work.
**w**
As soon as the Jedi are gone, Custos lets his composure slip further and begins pacing back and forth in his small cell. This should never have happened. He might not be able to feel the Force outside his cell, but he knows – suspects – what Anakin's Force signature must now feel like, and it fills him with dread. This is wrong, an affront to the Force itself. The Force's own child should never have Fallen in such a manner. Sidious... must be thrilled with his seeming victory, and that knowledge makes Custos sick.
He has no idea what could have happened, what could have gone so wrong that Anakin managed to Fall in the few short days since his imprisonment. But at the same time, he feels almost... touched. Almost. The knowledge that the presences of him and Ani were enough to throw Anakin so off-balance that he Fell is – it's almost flattering to know that Anakin cares about them so deeply. But Custos could have expected nothing less from him. When he loves, he loves fiercely and with everything he has. He doesn't do anything by halves.
"Anakin?" he calls finally, breaking the heavy silence in the hall.
"I'm here," Anakin replies, sounding exhausted and agitated at once.
"What... happened?" he questions, knowing that he has to start somewhere. Once he understands the situation, he can help Anakin find his way back from the darkness that is devouring him.
Anakin sighs, and Custos hears him moving around. "I was trying to convince Obi-Wan to at least let Ani see you, and he refused. Again. Even after I explained how serious the situation was. I –" he hesitates, and Custos can imagine the many different expressions that could be on his face right now, "I'm sorry. I failed to protect Ani."
"No, you didn't," Custos disagrees. "You did your best. If anyone failed, I did. You gave me the chance to leave. You offered to help, but I declined. I never thought the Jedi could fall so far, that they would do something like this." He doesn't try to hide the bitterness and disgust. It would be better for them to know how much he loathes them. "I knew that they would not be happy... but this is... extreme." It's true. He had feared the Council might react harshly, that they might put him and Ani under close supervision, but separation? For so long? No, he had no reason to think that they would do that, regardless of how much he mistrusted them.
"You stayed for me," Anakin replies numbly. "You stayed, because you didn't want to leave me when I was struggling so much."
"Yes," Custos admits, knowing that hiding the truth would be pointless; it would only make Anakin even more upset. "I did, but I do not regret it. Not... entirely." Because there is a part of him that wishes he had fled while he still had a choice. "I would have regrated leaving you though, abandoning you when you needed me too."
Anakin says nothing to that; there's really nothing for him to say anyways. Custos is only speaking the truth, after all, and he senses – instinctually, not through the Force – that Anakin is a bit overwhelmed by the admission, that he wants nothing more than to let himself be weak and seek out someone's comfort and protection. Custos himself is not unfamiliar with such desires, but they faded as he grew older, especially being as his only father figure was... Qui-Gon, and he doesn't know if he could truthfully even call him a father. He was his teacher, his master, but... not his father.
He twitches with surprise when he feels something stir in the Force around him, Anakin's presence seeming to seep through the walls around him. "What are you doing?" he asks, surprise mingling with alarm.
"I thought it would be easier this way," Anakin tells him, something almost shy in his voice as his Force signature touches Custos'.
The Sith shivers at the feel of another person, readily entwining their presences together, though he shudders to feel how dark Anakin now is. The Dark Side is coiled within him so heavily that he understands why the Jedi brought him down here. Like this, he could be extremely dangerous. "Isn't it straining for you?" he worries.
"A little bit, but it's okay," Anakin assures him. "Don't worry about it."
He'll still worry about it, of course, but he trusts Anakin to know his limits. On second thought, that would be stupid. Anyone who is newly Fallen has no idea what their limits are. They're too drunk on the Dark Side to realize that they might be hurting themselves more than anything else. He hopes that isn't the case now, but he has no idea, because he has never seen Anakin in a Force dampening location. The Sith kept them in place with some type of Sith devices which prevented them from drawing on the Light Side for long or too extensively.
Still, Custos won't shun the touch of another person. The imprisonment has not been easy on him and nor has the separation from Ani. He's found himself struggling not to spiral into flashbacks far too often, and he misses Ani like a lost limb. A part of him was ripped away, and he – he doesn't know how much longer he can go on like this without beginning to lose his sanity. In that respect, Anakin's presence is a true blessing.
"You need to let go of the Dark Side, Anakin," he warns. "I can help guide you if you need me to. I do not think you are ready to embrace it. Not now, and maybe not ever. The Dark Side is... not for you."
Anakin is quiet for many minutes, and Custos can feel his turmoil: anger, guilt, pain, loneliness, desperation, shame, and so much more whirling within him. Force, how can he survive with such volatile feelings? Ani isn't like that, not to the same extent, and it makes Custos furious to see what the Jedi have done to the powerful, gentle, and sweet little boy he once was. He used to be open with his emotions, at least as open as he could be about them, and he never was ashamed of having them. The Jedi took that from him.
"I feel more powerful now than I ever have before," Anakin finally confesses. "I feel like I might finally be able to fulfill my destiny. I don't – I didn't mean for this to happen, but I don't want to let go, Custos."
He was afraid of that. "The Dark Side is deceiving you," he replies. "It was the same for me, in the beginning. It took me months to figure out how to control it so that it would not control me, so that I didn't make a mistake which would get me and Ani killed or worse. Focus on me. Focus on my voice, Anakin. Don't let your thoughts distract you. Don't get mired down by the Dark Side's whispers and promises. Now, think about the person, the people, whom you care for most. Focus on them and only them. Focus on how much you care about them. Think about nothing else, and you will find your way back."
Custos can feel Anakin's emotions shifting from dark and violent to lighter and more pained. He can feel Anakin's pain, his longing, his love, and it's nearly enough to take his breath away. He's never been in Ani's mind, not enough to feel the core of his emotions the way he's feeling Anakin's now. For all that Anakin claims he can do this, it is clearly difficult for him, and it's showing in his reduced shielding.
"You know who I'm thinking about." Anakin's voice is barely above a whisper.
"Yes," Custos confirms. He would be a fool to not be able to sense the unadulterated adoration in Anakin and know to whom it's directed. There is only one person capable of inspiring such a deep and unwavering affection in Anakin Skywalker.
"I don't... It's – it's hard. I can't – I don't know what to do. I don't know how long I can... go on like this," Anakin admits. He sounds like he's close to breaking down, and Custos wants nothing more than to hold him, comfort him the way he needs to be comforted. But he can't because they're not together, so he settles for sending Anakin comfort and affection through the Force, hoping that it will be enough.
Maybe it's not what Anakin needs – it's not – but still seems to be enough for him to pull back from the Dark Side. His Force signature will forever be altered because of how deeply he embraced the darkness, but he can still come back from it. He didn't Fall so fast and so far that he did something he would forever be burdened by. He didn't plot cold-blooded murder with no remorse to protect the only person who had meaning to him. He is not Custos, and he will recover from this. He can still go back, and Custos will make sure that he does.
Anakin is too bright a light to be dimmed and marred forever. He deserves better, and Custos will do anything to ensure that he manages to find some measure of peace and stability.
"I can't promise anything," Custos tells him, knowing that the regret he feels will be sensed by Anakin. "All any of us can do is our best."
There's a pause, and Anakin's Force signature begins to fade. "I can't – the strain is too much right now." He doesn't need to explain what he means; Custos knows.
"Save your strength," he tells him in lieu of an answer. "You should rest perhaps. I'm not going anywhere."
Anakin huffs out a bitter laugh. "You can't go anywhere even if you wanted to."
"I don't," he replies without thinking. "Well, I would love to be with Ani right now, but... I don't want to leave you either." And it's the truth. He doesn't want to leave Anakin on his own, leave him to find balance and stability and peace without him there to keep him grounded. Even if Anakin manages to sort things out with Obi-Wan, it will be very difficult for both of them, and Anakin will need all the support he can get during that time.
"Thank you," Anakin manages to say, sounding choked up. Custos doesn't think Anakin could keep talking right now even if he wanted to, so he lets the silence linger.
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