Emma drew in a breath. There it was. The truth. At last.
"Okay," Regina said dully. "So you have a female roommate. Good for you."
Clearly, the truth didn't sink in. Emma wasn't quite sure why. Was it because Regina had had a very long evening and her brain was starting to quit on her, or was it simply because the truth was too farfetched.
"No, Regina," Cora said. She was still very pale. "I'm not living with a woman as my roommate. I'm living with her as my…... partner." It looked like she was choking on the last word, but she nonetheless managed to say it out loud.
Regina stared at her in other disbelief. Then her baffled expression was replaced with one of pain as she hunched over and covered her belly with one hand. "Ooow! !Hijo de puta!" she sat down heavily in the plushy chair again.
"That's not…. Something that isn't Braxton Hicks, is it?" Emma asked anxiously. That was too soon!
Regina didn't even dignify that with an answer. She just rubbed her belly. "Está bien, mi pequeño amor, todo está bien." She murmured and rubbed her belly. "No hay razón para hacer un escándalo."
Emma saw how Cora looked at Regina with a curious look in her eyes and a slightly tilted head, and Emma realized that Cora had never seen Regina act maternally or rub her belly. The last time they had seen each other, Regina had been fourteen weeks along and in the process of giving the baby up for adoption. So many things had changed since then.
Regina looked up at Cora again. "That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," she said dully. "And I have heard a lot of shit tonight."
Both Cora and Emma cringed slightly at that. "I understand why this comes as a shock," Cora said, sounding slightly formal.
"'This?'" Regina echoed and let out an utterly tired laugh. "And what the hell is 'this', then? What exactly is it that you think you're trying to tell me, Cora?"
"That I am…." Cora shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "That I am g-" she swallowed hard and now looked so pale Emma actually was a bit worried about her. A fainting Cora was just about the last thing they needed right now.
"That I am in a relationship with a woman," Cora landed on. Apparently, the 'other' word was too difficult to say.
Regina had no difficulties saying it, though. "What, you're gay?" her tone was so mocking, Emma very nearly felt a bit sorry for Cora.
But Cora stood her ground. "Yes," she said. Her voice was quiet but determinated.
Regina looked at her again. For a moment, there was a look of surprise on her face. But then her expression turned to anger again. "Bullshit," she scoffed. "You're the most homophobic person I know. You nearly blew a fuse when you found out I'm bisexual."
"I know," Cora said quietly. "I didn't… handle that very well, and I have regretted that many times. I realize that my strong reaction stems from my own…. Issues, but of course that is not an excuse."
Regina lifted an eyebrow and absentmindedly rubbed her belly. Her eyes narrowed as she stared Cora down. It looked like she was trying to stare into her soul. "Is this some kind of joke?" she asked. "Is this some kind of freaky attempt at humor? Because I'm sure as hell not laughing."
"It's not a joke, Regina," Cora said, eyes flickering nervously. "It's the truth. I'm… attracted to women. I have known that for a very long time, and I so wish that I had told you sooner. But I…. I didn't know how."
It looked like Cora's confession finally sunk in and made its impact. Regina's eyes grew wide, and she gave Cora a look that could be compared to the look she would be giving a stranger who had just fainted on the street. Startled. Alarmed. Surprised. "Uhhh…." One of her hands came up to rub the back of her neck. She mumbled something inaudible in Spanish. Then: "does…. Does Daddy know?"
"No," Cora said and shook her head. "The only people who knows are you. And…"
Regina shot Emma a dark look, and Emma ducked her head and felt guilty as hell. "And what exactly is her role in this?" Regina dully asked Cora. Not Emma. Clearly not talking to her.
"On the night where you ended up in the hospital, miss Swan called me," Cora said, and now there was a pink spot on her cheeks. "But instead of reaching me, it was…. My partner who answered the phone. Miss Swan overheard us talking and put two and two together."
"I see," Regina said tightly. But there was something vulnerable in her eyes too. "You didn't come to the hospital to see me," she quietly continued. "Why?"
Cora shook her head. "I wish I had a satisfactory explanation for that, but I do not. Somehow, I had gotten it into my head that miss Swan had told you the truth, and I was just waiting for you call me. But when you didn't, I wrongly deduced that it was because you didn't wish further contact with me."
"I had a concussion," Regina said just as quietly. "And after a few days, I started bleeding. I thought I was going to miscarriage. I was frightened. Your excuses as to why you didn't show up doesn't really mean that much."
There had been a point where Emma had doubted whether Cora actually was capable of feeling, but she didn't anymore. Not when she saw the slow tears trickling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," Cora said as she took a step towards Regina. "I should have been there."
Regina wrapped her arms around her belly, clearly trying to shield herself from Cora. She cleared her throat and adopted a more neutral tone. "Who is she then? Your…. Partner?"
Cora stopped. Gave up on nearing her daughter. Like Emma, she had most likely figured out that it was too soon for that. "Her name is Malaina." She still sounded nervous, but Emma could detect something else in her voice too. Affection. Pride?
And Emma's heart started hammering in her chest because Malaina was an unusual name, and it wouldn't take long before Regina put two and two together.
"Malaina," Regina repeated. She let out a long sigh and her eyes flickered towards Emma. "The blonde woman we met at the gallery."
Emma felt so bad she didn't even dared nodding.
"Whom you also knew about," Regina dully continued, still glancing at Emma.
Emma hung her head in defeat. The words 'I'm sorry' was hollow, and the guilt was sitting in her belly like a stone. A stone with sharp, sharp edges that kept cutting her for each betrayed look Regina gave her.
"Right. Of course." Regina blinked which made fresh tears splash onto her cheeks. She ignored them. Didn't even attempt to wipe them away. "Now it makes sense why she gave me so many weird looks. And it makes sense why you-" looking to Emma again. "-Were so interested in knowing what I thought about her. How nice of you to try and pave the way for Cora."
"Regina-" Emma tried, but to no avail. Regina easily talked over her.
"What is this?" she asked simply. "Did you both have a simultaneous stroke that made you think that this would somehow turn me into the world's biggest homophobe?" she scoffed as she looked at both of the two sinners. "You are aware that I'm bisexual, right?" her attention rested on Emma for a moment. "You of all people should know that."
"I do know that," Emma said hastily. "And I cannot tell you how sorry-"
"I can live with having a gay parent," Regina said, completely overhearing Emma's attempt at apologizing. "But what I cannot live with is all the lies! Why was that necessary?" she looked at Cora again. "If you had come to me and said: 'Regina, I'm gay', or 'I'm in love with a woman', I never would have turned you away. Never. I would have been surprised, who wouldn't, but I would never have turned my back on you."
Cora swallowed, clearly affected by Regina's words. "I know," she said quietly. "I did not keep it as a secret because of you. I did it because of me. Because I was… frightened. Because I didn't know how to…" her voice dwindled, and she wrung her hands.
Regina tilted her head, and Emma was sure she saw a hint of understanding in her eyes. "Exactly how long have you've known this, Cora?"
"A long time," Cora murmured and shifted again. "Since I was… Since I was a young woman."
"Since before meeting daddy?"
"Yes," Cora admitted, now brushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. A nervous gesture, no doubt.
That had Regina paling slightly. "Alright," she said, still sounding composed. "I definitely have some questions about that- including the question of why I'm even here- but that can wait. Why don't you tell me the whole story from the beginning?"
"Well, I…." Cora looked insecure. This was a hard conversation. One you didn't just start like it was no big deal.
"I can leave," Emma offered. "So you guys can talk in private."
"Private?" Regina scoffed. "For all I care, you can stay. I have no interest in keeping things from you."
Emma recoiled as though having been slapped. She definitely deserved that one!
"But seeing that this is Cora's meeting and not mine, it's up to her," Regina dully continued, looking at Cora.
"Miss Swan can stay if she wants to," Cora said hastily, and if Emma didn't know any better, she would say that Cora was slightly scared to be alone with her own daughter.
"Okay," Emma mumbled. "Thanks."
Regina's attention was only on Cora. "Cora," she said tonelessly.
That was enough to make Cora start talking. "My parents- your grandparents- were very strict."
Regina snorted. "Really? Can't imagine what that must be like."
Cora looked stricken but didn't protest. Like Emma, she obviously felt like she had deserved that one. "They were… everything I swore that I never would be. I didn't do too well, did I?"
"No," Regina said plainly. "You didn't."
Cora swallowed hard once more. "As I said they were quite… strict. They had their own ideas and visions for my future. Meaning marriage. They were very old fashioned and stuck to old values. Men should be working and making money while the girls should get married and tend to the children."
"Mmhmm," was all Regina said. "Go on."
"I tried living up to it," Cora continued. "As a young girl, I thought that my parents knew best. But as I started growing older, I also began questioning whether my own opinions were different from the opinions of my parents. And they were. I think I was about fourteen when I realized that I wasn't like the other girls at my school. I wasn't interested in the boys like my friends were. I thought that something was wrong with me, so I pretended to be interested just to seem normal. But then a girl- Loretta I believe she was called- started at my school."
Regina smiled. A teeny, tiny smile. "You never forget the name of your first crush, do you?"
"You do not," Cora agreed, once again trying to near her daughter. She sat down in the armchair opposite Regina, and this time, Regina didn't flinch.
"I was very taken with her," Cora continued. "Very taken indeed. We became friends. Good friends. I suppose I mistook our friendship for deeper feelings, so I confessed to her in the belief that she would feel the same. She did not. Instead she became disgusted at me."
Emma's heart clenched. That was a terrible thing that had happened for Cora. But it was also pretty terrible to hear her talk about in such a straightforward manner. This was definitely a woman who had learned to live with something painful.
"She laughed at me," Cora recalled. "Called me an abomination. She said that she was going to tell everyone. I begged her not to, but she did it anyway. And within an hour or so, the whole school knew about it."
"Que gilipollas," Regina said simply.
Now it was Cora's turn to smile a teeny tiny smile. "Quite," she agreed. "It didn't take long before the story reached my parents ears either. I remember that the phone rang in the evening. It was my father who picked up. I think it only took about five minutes before he bursted into my room and confronted me with that Loretta's mother had just told him. That I had acted 'perverted' towards Loretta. He wanted to know if it was true, and I confessed. I tried my best to… come out." Cora's mouth twisted at the memory. "But there was no such thing under my parents' roof. My father got extremely upset and my mother cried. They were terrified about the rumors and worried what it would mean for them."
"I bet they were," Regina said sardonically and glanced at Emma. "My grandfather was a bankier in Brooklyn. A big shot man."
"Oh," Emma nodded. And felt ridiculously grateful that Regina had said ELEVEN words to her. That was a lot!
"They sent me away," Cora continued.
Regina raised an eyebrow. "To where?"
"A Christian boarding school in Switzerland."
Regina's eyebrow nearly disappeared in her hairline. "Switzerland?"
"Yes," Cora confirmed. "As you just said, your grandfather was a man with influence. Sending his problems away was the easiest thing in the world for him. And at the time, his biggest problem was me, so off I went. The boarding school was very strict. Very prayer orientated. Much talk about what it meant to be a sinner and what you could do to avoid it."
"You were sent there to 'pray the gay away'," Regina concluded.
"Yes. You could say that. I don't think I'll go into details about my stay at the boarding school. All you need to know is that it wasn't a pleasant place at all. The best thing you could do was keep your head down. I was 'released' when I turned eighteen and graduated. I returned to America, but not to my parents' house. They had made it quite clear that I wasn't welcome there anymore. I settled down in New York instead. Enrolled at college to become a lawyer like my father. I hoped that I would make him proud by following in his footsteps. I hoped to reconciliate with my parents, but… we never quite met on the same terms as we had before. They were skeptic, and I felt like they always looked at me in a way that suggested they still saw me as an abomination. But they were my parents, so I tried my best to please them. I went out with men I felt absolutely nothing for. I really tried to give off the impression that I was straight. That what happened when I was fourteen was long forgotten." Cora uncrossed and re-crossed her legs in the chair. Emma could see how much it affected her to talk about this.
"But of course it wasn't," she continued after having collected herself. "My feelings were the same as they were when I was fourteen. Nothing had changed. I realized that after I met Eleanor at college. We quickly became close. She even moved into the little apartment I had rented. She made me… she made me very happy."
"You were in love with her," Regina said. It wasn't a question.
"I was," Cora confirmed. "Eleanor was a very special person. Very happy and outgoing. Quite the opposite of me. She wanted to be an artist. There was always splatters of paint everywhere in our apartment. It drove me mad, but I loved it."
"She sounds nice," Regina said, flashing Cora another little smile. "What happened to her?"
"Well, after about five months, my parents discovered that I was living with a woman. Initially, I was able to convince them that Eleanor was just my roommate, and that made things a bit easier. Until they started inviting me home for dinner every week so I could meet the sons of my father's friends or employees. In short, they were trying to set me up. I was desperate to keep my real relationship with Eleanor a secret, so I agreed. I kept showing up for the dinners without complaining, but of course it did not work out. These things rarely does. One of my father's friend's son, Thomas, fell in love with me. He started to invite me out for dinners, and I was foolish enough to say yes. I imagined that he would lose interest in me. But he didn't. Instead he proposed to me."
"¡¿Qué demonios?!" Regina exclaimed, and Emma was just as surprised.
"Of course I said no," Cora said and shook her head. "He went home and told his parents. Who told mine. Resulting in my father becoming furious with me all over again. But he wasn't the only one. That night, Eleanor told me that she could not do this anymore. The hiding and sneaking around was killing her, she said. She left in tears, and there I was. With furious parents and no Eleanor. It was… very hard. I stopped contacting my parents after that. I gave up on love and dedicated myself to my studies instead. I told myself that having a career was far more important than having… something else. Becoming a lawyer was all that mattered to me. I wanted to be the best in my class. And I was. At twenty four, I could call myself a lawyer. My parents did not show up for my graduation. I fairly quickly got a job and a new place to live. Right here in New York. I worked and told myself that I was happy. Now and then, I met a woman, but I never allowed it to blossom into anything serious. After what happened with Eleanor, I didn't dare growing close to someone else. I was too afraid I would lose her too."
By now, Regina looked deeply sympathetic. There was no trace of anger left on her face.
"It was only after I had turned thirty three that I became less afraid of being judged," Cora picked up her story. "I met a woman named Jane in a bar one evening. She was funny and smart. A lawyer like myself. We grew fond of each other, and over the year, we were attached at the hip. We made all kinds of plans. I wanted children and so did she. We were practically engaged. Until…" her mouth twisted again. "Until I came home and found her… with someone else."
Regina made a face. "Oh."
"As you can imagine, I was very upset. Naturally, I ended things with Jane. At the time, I was living in her apartment, so I gathered my things and left. Found a motel for the night. I was in quite a state. I couldn't work. I couldn't eat. And one night, I believe it was a week or two later, I ended up in a little bar where the waiter offered me a drink on the house. He thought I looked upset. And that waiter…. Was your father."
Emma's jaw dropped and Regina gasped. "Okay…." She said slowly, now frowning slightly once more. "And how do I fit into this? I know that you and daddy married because you were having me, but why…" she swallowed. "Why did you even have me?"
"Your father was very good to me that night," Cora said softly. "I never told him the reason why I was so upset, but he still listened. He was the most patient man I had ever met. He told me how he was about to take over his father's restaurant in Spain, and I believe I made a comment on how it could be nice to get away from everything. I ended up staying until the restaurant closed, and when I left, your father walked me home." Cora paused and two pink spots appeared on her cheeks. "I'd had quite a bit to drink that night. I wasn't completely aware over what I was doing, and your father had been so kind and-"
"Lo entiendo," Regina interrupted and held up a hand. "I don't need the details. I was an accident. "Completamente no deseada."
"No," Cora said firmly. "You were not unwanted, Regina. Don't ever believe that. When I found out that I was pregnant seven weeks later, I was ecstatic. I was thrilled. I had always wanted kids but had made my peace with it not ever happening. Or at least that it would be difficult."
Emma felt something prickle in her eyes and had to turn around. This was not about her. She took some deep breaths, and when she had composed herself, she turned around just in time to see Cora withdraw her hand. But whether she had succeeded in putting it over Regina's for a moment, remained a mystery.
"Go on," Regina said tightly.
"After discovering that I was pregnant, I sought out your father and told him the truth. I felt that I owed him that. He had been so kind to me, so I saw no reason to hide it from him."
"I bet you didn't," Regina said dully, and Emma immediately knew why. Apart from a few details, Cora's situation had been quite similar to Regina's own.
Cora had sensed the 'danger' too. "He was a good man. An honest man. The one who-" she nodded slightly towards Regina's swelling belly. "Was not."
"That much we can agree on," Regina rolled her eyes and rubbed her belly. "So, you told my father. What happened next?"
"Of course I had been nervous to tell him, but that proved to have been completely in vain," Cora continued. "He got just as excited as I felt. We sat down and had a long talk about the future. He made it clear that he wanted to be involved in the baby's- your- life, but he was worried because he was on his way to Spain to take on his father's restaurant. After a bit of talking back and forward, he asked me to come with him. At the time, I couldn't imagine anything better than leaving New York, so I said yes. We put things into motion and three weeks after, we travelled to Spain. I met his parents whom he had informed about my 'condition'. We got along quite well, but I could still sense that something was bothering them, so one night I asked your father about it. At first, he got very quiet and didn't really want to talk about it, but after I had pressed him a little, he admitted that it was bothering his parents that he and I weren't married. I don't remember the conversation word for word, but we reached the conclusion that neither of us were in love with the other. He made a point of assuring me that it didn't bother him that we weren't married. But it bothered me." Cora shifted in the armchair again. "It bothered me because I remembered how highly he had spoken of his parents that night. How strong of a bond he had with his parents. At that point I hadn't spoken to my own parents in years, and I didn't want that to happen to your father and his parents, so I told him that I did not mind getting married if it would make his parents happy."
"A marriage of convenience," Regina said softly.
"Yes," Cora confirmed. "I am-"
"Cora, believing that one's parents are madly in love is something children do," Regina softly interrupted. "I get it. At least I think I do. I mean, this at least explains why I never got any siblings." She let out a strange little half-laugh before sobering up. "Go on. So you married daddy."
"I did. When I was three months pregnant with you. My parents had somehow discovered my new address and wrote me a letter and congratulated me. I never replied." She cleared her throat. "I took over the account management of the restaurant and tried to dedicate myself to my new life in Spain. It got easier when you came along. You made me so happy." She flashed Regina a quivering smile.
Regina did something that wasn't quite a smile but wasn't NOT a smile at the same time.
"I was so determined to give you everything and prepare you for the world." Cora shook her head. "At some point my plans of doing better than my own parents failed. I saw dangers everywhere. I wanted you to be the best at everything. And in return, you turned to your father. Of course you did. He was much gentler and patient than I ever was. I felt like a complete failure. In many ways jealous of your father and his way of so effortlessly doing what I couldn't. All my life, I had grown up with my mother and father telling me that being a mother was a woman's purpose. And I was not good at it. I had driven you away and I had no idea how to make things right. Nothing I did was right. My strictness when you were a child, had caused you to gravitate to your father as you grew older. And as the years had passed, I felt more and more like a stranger both in your life and in Spain. It made me bitter. Towards you and towards your father. And the lonelier and bitterer I felt, the more I thought of my past. And realized that it wasn't my past at all. I was still the same person who had lost Eleanor and Jane. Perhaps I was older, married and had a child, but it didn't change who I was. I had tried to pretend, but one night I just couldn't anymore. I admitted to myself that I was living a lie. That I was not… with the person I should be with."
Regina opened her mouth as to speak, but Cora spoke sooner: "your father and I were friends when we married and friends when you were born. We were friends when you were little. It wasn't until later when I grew jealous that I pushed him away. He is entirely without guilt in this."
"Are you sure he doesn't know that you're gay?" Regina asked.
Her casual use of the word had Cora jumping slightly in her chair. "I can't imagine how he would know," she said slowly. "I never told him. I never cheated on him."
"Hasta que lo hiciste."
Cora nodded. "You're right. Until I did."
"What I don't understand is why you nearly disowned me when you found out that I'm bisexual," Regina said completely dully. "You more than anyone should have understood where I was coming from."
Emma nodded quietly. She wholeheartedly agreed with that.
Not that her opinion mattered much right now. It seemed like both Regina and Cora had forgotten that she was there.
"I should. You're right. Once again, I was completely blinded by my own feelings, and if I have to be honest, a part of me was upset about your relationship with Daniela Colinas. She was employed by your father and I, and she was older than you. I felt that she had taken advantage of her position in the house, and I worried that she had forced you into something you weren't ready for."
Regina sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. "Fue consensual. Nobody was forced."
"I know," Cora said quickly. "I know that, Regina. But at the time… I couldn't be in it. I had partially decided to tell you and your father the truth, and I felt like you somehow had beat me to it. I felt that I couldn't possibly come out now. Coming out was something teenagers did. Not fully grown women with children and established lives. I had handled the situation with Daniela Colinas completely wrong, and I feared that my confession only would make you resent me even more. So I kept quiet."
"You shouldn't have," Regina said simply.
"No. I shouldn't. Nor should I have let my own emotions get in the way of your confession. It only resulted in you moving out."
"Yeah. I remember that." Regina's eyes flickered. She blinked and a few tears landed on her cheeks.
Emma moved. Walked towards Regina to comfort her. It was instinctive. She was two steps away from her crying girlfriend when she remembered that said girlfriend didn't particularly like her right now. And perhaps weren't even her girlfriend anymore. The stone in Emma's stomach felt sharper than ever.
"I can leave," Cora said. "I don't have to tell you everything tonight if you're-"
"No," Regina interrupted. "I want to hear the whole story. Tonight. Please go on." She dragged a hand over her eyes. The tears disappeared.
"Your father and I had had one of our rare fights," Cora resumed her story. "We had fought a lot after you moved out. He was understandably upset about it, and I had no idea how to make it better. The argument ended with me leaving the house. I went to a bar. I don't remember the name anymore, but there I sat with a glass of wine. I think that I was considering asking for a divorce but fearing that it would mean further distance between you and me when a woman came over and sat down next to me. She bought me my next glass of wine and we talked back and forward for a while. At the time, the effect of the wine was starting to kick in, but I was still sure that there was something familiar about her. When I finally asked her if we had met before, she laughed and said that she hoped she hadn't aged that much. She hadn't. And I recognized her as soon as she laughed. Although she had discarded her first name and only went by her middle name- Malaina."
"And what was her first name?" Regina asked and tilted her head curiously.
Cora smiled a little. "Eleanor."
"¡De ninguna manera!" Regina cupped a hand over her mouth. "Eleanor… your first girlfriend?! That Eleanor? Eleanor is Malaina?!"
"She is," Cora was still smiling. "I could barely believe it myself, but there she was. In a restaurant in Spain. There on business to meet a photographer. As you already know, she owns an art gallery. In fact she owns several. Either way, I started spending time with her, and I discovered that despite the time that had passed, my feelings had not changed. I was still as fond of her as I had been when we were in college. She postponed her trip back to New York. She returned my feelings, but she was understandably hesitant. She knew that I was married and had a child, and she refused to get in the middle of all that. I wanted to be with her, but at the same time I was very afraid of telling you and your father the truth. I didn't want you to shun me more than you already did. And I knew that you would choose your father if we divorced."
Regina opened her mouth, but Cora silenced her with a soft: "my own doing, Regina. You had every right to prefer him." She cleared her throat and worried a strand of her hair. "Well, I kept putting it off, and eventually, Mal- Malaina had enough. She refused to be…"
"¿La otra mujer?" Regina suggested.
"Quite. We argued and she went to the airport to go back to New York. I could see that I was loosing her again, and I refused to let that happen, so I went straight to your father's restaurant-"
"You were going to tell him while he was at work?" Regina raised an eyebrow, and Emma silently agreed with her. That was pretty bad timing.
"I wasn't thinking clearly," Cora admitted. "I went over there and discovered that your father wasn't there. But Alejandro was, and he could see that I was in distress. We talked for a while, and in the end, he put his arms around me to comfort me. Your father walked in and saw us like that. I'm not surprised that he jumped the conclusion. From his point of view, Alejandro's attempt at consoling me had to have looked quite loving. When he asked what was going on and if there was something he should know about, I…. I took the easy way out. I didn't exactly say that Alejandro and I were having an affair, but I didn't deny it either. So naturally, he did believe that I was having an affair, and as soon as we got home, he asked for a divorce."
"So you threw poor Alejandro under the bus," Regina observed dryly.
"I did," Cora openly admitted. "And I have regretted it ever since. I went to see him the last time I was in Spain, and we had a good talk. I don't think he has forgiven me entirely, but it was better than nothing."
"I suppose so."
"I left your father's house and went to Malaina's hotel. It turned out that she had already left for New York, so I packed a bag and went after her."
"And found her," Regina concluded.
"And found her," Cora echoed.
"And what, you've been together ever since, and everything has just been perfect?" Regina asked a bit bitterly.
"Not exactly. Malaina has been asking me to tell you the truth. She doesn't want to base our relationship on secrets and lies. And neither do I. I don't want to push you away again, Regina."
Regina folded her arms across her chest. "This is a lot, Cora," she said tonelessly. "For the longest time, I thought I had you completely figured out. And now you reveal that you've been living a completely secret life before having me. I have to re-think every last little thing I ever thought I knew about you, and that is going to take time."
Cora nearly shrank in her chair. "I understand that. I'll… I'll give you time, but…"
"But what?" Regina asked tiredly. "Anything else I should know about?"
"Malaina would really like to meet you," Cora said almost shyly. "Properly. The right way."
Regina narrowed her eyes. "I'll think about it."
"Alright," Cora said, deflating slightly.
"The problem isn't that you're with a woman," Regina said quickly. "I have nothing against you being gay, Cora. I think that's great. It's the way you've handled it. The truth would have shocked me, but it wouldn't have caused me to turn my back on you. Truthfully, I find it a bit insulting that you would even think that. When I told you that I was bisexual, it was the perfect opportunity for you to come out too, but you didn't. Instead you only made things harder." She looked poignantly at Cora. "You could have told me the truth. Instead of pushing me away and think that would make things better. Daddy too. You could have told him as well. You married because of me. You said it yourself, that the two of you only ever were friends. Why should he have felt cheated? It wasn't necessary to come with the story about you and Alejandro and hurt daddy who only ever was good to you."
Cora looked stricken again, but this time Emma didn't feel sorry for her. Because Regina was absolutely right. Cora had landed in the most understanding family. And she had still found it necessary to spool a web of lies.
"I'd like you to leave now," Regina said, looking at the wall rather than looking at Cora. "I have a splitting headache and I would like to go to bed."
"Of course." Cora stood from her chair and walked towards the door. Emma noted that her shoulders were slumped in the same way Regina's was when she was upset.
"Oh, by the way," Regina called when Cora had put her hand on the doorknob. "Since I don't have any secrets, I might as well tell you now. Vas a ser abuela. At least title-wise. Becoming grandmother is something you earn."
Emma's heart beat a little faster. Regina had just told Cora that she was going to keep the baby!
"Oh," Cora said, surprise coloring her voice. "That is…"
"My decision," Regina said plainly. "And who knows, maybe you'll apologize for all the shit you said when I told you of my plans for the baby. Goodnight, Cora."
"Yes…." Cora sucked in a breath. "Goodnight, Regina. I hope that you'll… think about meeting Malaina." She put a hand on the doorknob again. Then turned her head. "Goodnight, miss Swan."
"Goodnight," Emma said quietly.
The door opened and Cora disappeared. Emma heard her high heels clack down the hallway. Then disappear.
Regina let out a long sigh as she grabbed her crutches and pushed herself up from the chair.
"Regina," Emma said gently.
"Not right now," Regina said tiredly. "I can't deal with anymore right now."
"What do you want me to do?" Emma asked. "Do you want me to… do you want me to leave?"
"Leave how?" Regina raised an eyebrow.
"I don't know. The hotel? New York?" the suggestions came in a rapid pace Emma had no control over.
"Leave New York?" Regina echoed coldly. Her eyes flashed with anger again. "And just abandon me on a trip you invited me on? Really?"
"No!" Emma yelped. "God, no! That wasn't what I meant! I'd never-"
"Never what, Emma? Never what?" Regina asked in the same tired tone as she hobbled over to the bed. "Hurt me? You've already done that."
"I know," Emma whispered. "And I am so, so, so sorry about that, Regina! You have to believe me!"
"I'm sure that you are, Emma. But that doesn't change the fact that it happened. It doesn't change the fact that you deliberately chose to keep something from me." Regina turned around on her crutches, so they were face to face. "I have the utmost respect about your decision not to out Cora." She let go with one hand and reached for the pillow. "But you could have kept her secret without lying to me in a million different ways, Emma. You could have said: 'hey, I talked to your mom last night, and I think that something is going on with her, so maybe you should give her a call'. Or 'I think that your mom is hiding something from you that she's too afraid to tell, so I think it would be great if you called her and had a proper chat with her'. That would have been one way to keep her secret without lying to me in the process."
Emma hung her head. She knew that she should have said something similar to what Regina just had suggested. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't think of that. I was scared that I would end up stressing you further, and I didn't want to risk that while you were in the hospital." As soon as she had finished the sentence, she knew that she had shot herself in the foot. Again.
"That wasn't your decision to make," Regina said dully. "You had no right to decide that. Only I know what I can and cannot handle. I am not some damsel in distress who needs to be coddled or protected from the truth. I did a good job fending for myself before you came along."
Emma could only repeat what she had said so many times tonight: "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry!"
"Sí, yo también. And worried too. What if the baby-" she rubbed her belly for emphasis. "One day comes to you and tells you something? Something worrying? Something you think will worry me, too? How are you going to handle that? Are you going to keep that to yourself too and just hope that the child will come to me?"
"No!" Emma said fiercely. "Of course not! Never! I would tell you! Immediately!"
"And how am I supposed to trust that?" Regina asked. She didn't sound angry anymore. Just upset. "How am I supposed to trust that when you've already kept one thing from me? When you've already once made yourself the judge over what I should and should not know?"
"Regina," Emma said desperately and walked over to her. Cupping her elbow, she tried her best to assure: "this will never happen again! I promise!"
"I wish I could believe that," Regina said and pulled her elbow out of Emma's grasp. "I really, really wish I could believe you."
"Regina, I swear-" she was interrupted when her phone rang loudly and scared them both. She went back to the little table and glanced at her phone which was now fully charged. It was Henry who was calling her. Shit! Emma had completely forgotten about him. Had forgotten that he anxiously was waiting for news about Regina. God, he had to be SO worried!
She couldn't do anything right tonight.
"It's for you," she said as she unhooked the phone from the charger and gave it to Regina. "It's your dad."
"My dad?" Regina echoed. "Why is he calling now?"
"I…." Emma swallowed. "I called him to ask if he had heard from you because I thought-"
"You called him in the middle of the night to ask if he had heard from me because I didn't take your call?! Meaning that he thinks I've gone missing in New York in the middle of the night?! Emma! He's an old man with high blood pressure! What the hell were you thinking?!"
"I wasn't," Emma squeaked. "I'm really sor-"
"If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm leaving!" Regina hissed as she ripped the phone out of Emma's hand. She swiped a finger across the screen and lifted the phone to her ear. The next second her voice was so soft and sweet it was almost eerie. "!Hola, papi!"
If it was possible, Emma felt even worse about herself when she heard Henry speak loudly in Spanish in the other end. He had undoubtedly been beside himself with concern for his daughter.
"Estoy bien, papi. Estoy bien," Regina said quickly. And soothingly. "Y también el bebé. No tienes nada de qué preocuparte, ¿de acuerdo? Si. Absolutamente. Sí, tuvimos una discusión, eso es correcto. Sí, uno malo. Pero no tienes que preocuparte por eso. Solo duerme un poco. Haré lo mismo. Bueno. Si. Yo también te amo. Sí, le diré eso. ¡Adiós papi!" with that, she handed the phone back to Emma and turned around. "Well, he was worried, thanks to you. On the brink of calling the police in New York. And in the middle of booking a plane ticket. If you hadn't remembered, he would have shown up. An old man. With high blood pressure. Good one, Emma. Really good one."
"I'm sorry." The two words were starting to sound more and more hollow. Poor Henry! He had probably imagined all kind of scary scenarios too.
She had a lot to apologize for.
"Yes. I'm sure you are," Regina said icily as she grabbed one of the duvets, they normally shared.
"What are you doing?" Emma asked nervously. That didn't LOOK like packing for the airport, but you never knew….
"I would prefer to sleep alone tonight," Regina said shortly as she carried the spare pillow and duvet over to the little couch in the corner. "I'll be sleeping here."
In flashes, Emma saw her planned future with Regina crumble away. Starting out with this. Regina was a cuddler. She had been that since day one. Had even apologized for it on the very first night they had spent together. 'If I don't want to cuddle, something is really wrong,' she once laughingly had claimed when Emma teased her about her sleep-habits. And now something WAS really wrong. So very, very wrong!
"Don't," Emma said quietly.
"That's my decision, not yours," Regina sneered.
"I know. I didn't mean it like that." Emma blinked away tears and took a risk by gently taking the duvet and pillow from Regina. "I'll sleep on the couch. You'll sleep in the bed."
Oddly enough, Regina didn't argue. "Fine," was all she said. Then she turned her back on Emma and with trouble climbed into bed. The crutches landed on the floor with a clatter.
Emma went to the couch and lied down. As she pulled the duvet over her body, she heard Regina moan in pain from the bed, saying: "¡Dios mío, me duele el pie!"
Emma happened to know that that meant 'oh god, my foot hurts', and the concern was burning in her chest as she opened her mouth to ask if she could do anything. If it was Regina's fractured ankle, she would have offered to help Regina find a comfortable sleep position. And if it was Regina's other ankle which often swelled up nowadays, Emma would have offered to rub some of the soreness away.
But now she couldn't do either of it. Because she had messed up. Because Regina was angry with her. Because right now it felt like there was no coming back from the shit she had created.
She could no longer blink back the tears as Regina lifted a hand and switched off the light. The room was cloaked in darkness.
"Goodnight," Emma whispered.
Regina didn't answer. But Emma was sure she heard her sniffle.
Emma did the same. Cried silently in the darkened hotel room. There was a big chance that her stupidity had cost her Regina. And Blueberry….
To Be Continued…..
!Hijo de puta!= Motherfucker!
Está bien, mi pequeño amor, todo está bien. No hay razón para hacer un escándalo.= It's alright my little love. Everything is fine. There is no reason to make a fuss
Que gilipollas= What an asshole.
¡¿Qué demonios?!= What the hell?!
Lo entiendo= I get it.
Completamente no deseada= Completely unwanted.
Hasta que lo hiciste.= Until you did.
Fue consensual= It was consensual.
¡De ninguna manera!= No way!
¿La otra mujer?= The other woman?
Vas a ser abuela= You're going to be a grandmother.
Sí, yo también= Yes, me too.
!Hola, papi= Hi, dad!
Estoy bien, papi. Estoy bien= I'm fine, daddy. I'm fine.
Y también el bebé. No tienes nada de qué preocuparte, ¿de acuerdo? Si. Absolutamente. Sí, tuvimos una discusión, eso es correcto. Sí, uno malo. Pero no tienes que preocuparte por eso. Solo duerme un poco. Haré lo mismo. Bueno. Si. Yo también te amo. Sí, le diré eso. ¡Adiós papi!= And so is the baby. You have nothing to worry about, okay? Yes. Absolutely. Yes, we had an argument, that's correct. Yes, a bad one. But you don't have to worry about it. Just get some sleep. I will do the same. Well. Yes. I love you too. Yes, I will tell you that. Bye daddy!