I don't even know what to say. I have been working on this draft for months and couldn't get my wording right or convey the emotions I wanted to. Even now I'm still not sure it's what I want. But I knew eventually that if I wanted this to continue that I needed to just bite the bullet! I wanted to be as realistic as possible with Sarada having postpartum depression and struggled with showing how pulled in all directions Boruto felt. I hope at least some of it made it to paper because this is about the fifth draft. Thanks to those of you who have stuck through me in all these months- knowing I had anyone on the outside besides my own motivation will have made it worth it.
Naruto didn't mean to yell.
But after standing outside in the rain that felt like bullets on his skin, his mind pulled between his newborn grandchildren and the potential danger of the village, his patience was worn to filaments held together only by the grinding of his teeth.
"WHO TOLD?"
The kages on their respective screens all widened their eyes because no one had ever heard Naruto use that tone with them. He never barked, rarely yelled, and if anything had mellowed out over the years; he was the peacekeeper between them all, overshadowed only by the gentleness of Gaara. But the Hokage's voice alone sliced through them all now in the first hour of the morning and jerked their brains further out of their sleep.
"Who told what?" Darui asked, his voice still deep with exhaustion. "I'm still confused as to why you even called this meeting."
"Who told about Sarada's pregnancy?" His voice was still high, harsh. "We had a potential security breach this evening and a few of our men were attacked. We have reason to believe it's because they knew about Sarada's pregnancy."
Kurotsuchi rubbed her eyes. "And what makes you think this was from one of us?" she snapped. "Did you vet your people?"
Naruto's flashing eyes faltered for a moment and she took advantage of that. "Well-"
"Then don't go accusing us until you know for sure! It could easily have been a security breach on your end! I know that I would have no reason to disclose-"
"Please, let's hear him out." Once again Gaara's voice cut through like aloe, soothing the burning tension across their screens. "Clearly he's upset. We know Naruto doesn't get like this often." He nodded. "Naruto, please explain exactly what happened. Maybe if we understand, we can help however you need us to."
Naruto took a deep breath. "I had a squad out tonight to check out a break in at a lab in the border."
"A ninja tools lab?" Kurotsuchi interrupted.
"Yes."
She rolled her eyes.
Naruto ignored her and kept going, his voice speeding up as he continued until he was tripping over himself by the end. "We sent word that Sarada was in labor and Boruto left. Konohamaru reported that their other comrade went back because as they were leaving, someone told him to 'Tell Boruto congratulations.' Konohamaru was convinced by his words and the way he said it that they were going to be attacked, so I sent clones out with him once they returned to the village. He was right: we were ambushed almost immediately, but because of the storm they retreated before we could capture anyone. Konohamaru was injured- he's in the hospital but he'll be fine- and we never did get to see anyone's faces, nor did Mitsuki or the other ANBU I dispatched afterwards return. Now you tell me, Kurotsuchi, that that doesn't sound like somebody knows!"
"I never said that it wasn't possible," the Tsuchikage replied coolly, "I just said that you should focus on those closest to you and your own protocols before you accuse us."
"I have that under control here. Shikamaru and Sai are with our ANBU right now and Ibiki has the Torture and Interrogation Force running on all of them, and we'll be interviewing teams over the coming days."
"Do you really think all that is necessary?" Chojuro asked.
"We did not work to put the war behind us, to put the last year behind us-" He paused for a second, the image of Kawaki burned inside his memory, and forced himself to keep going. "-for us to not take this seriously. If Kara is back they are smarter. The Otsutsukis aren't done yet. They would be exactly the type of vessels the Otsutsukis would want. And could you blame them?"
"You really think too highly of your genes," Kurotsuchi muttered but quickly waved away at the camera once she realized the narrowed eyes of the others meant they heard her.
"And if you remember the prophecy," Naruto continued, "there's the potential for disaster there too. I'd prefer to get this threat taken care of before it becomes a problem. So yeah, I'm going to make accusations because the sooner we can figure out the source of this, the sooner we may be able to return to full peace."
Chojuro nodded. "That makes sense. The Mist can begin its own investigation tomorrow." He rapped his knuckles on his desk. "And we will keep you updated with anything of note that we find."
The others agreed, Kurotsuchi finally muttering her own agreeance as she realized the best interest even in the Stone. They ultimately knew that if there was a traitor among them, who knew what other secrets from their own villages could be circulating in the night air?
"So you said Sarada was in labor," Gaara piped in before they hung up for the night. "Is she still in labor?"
Naruto felt the edges of his lips curl upwards. "She gave birth just a few hours ago. A girl and a boy."
The other kage erupted in applause and ecstatic congratulations; Naruto allowed himself to grin.
This was the part of being in the alliance he liked, the part that usually eclipsed the darkness of the earlier minutes of their meetings. The bright congratulations on each other's families, the warm inquiries about daily life. They were friends, even if stress like this threatened to crumble the strong bricks they had built one by one since the end of the last war.
"And Naruto?" Gaara's voice broke through the light chatter.
"Hm?"
"Please let us know if your men return home."
The kage one by one stopped talking, the somber air once again hanging over them.
"You know I will."
Sasuke didn't mean to be so blunt.
Who was he kidding, of course he did.
"They need to stay where they are," he demanded, pushing a fist down on Naruto's desk just short of punching it. He didn't understand how this could even be a discussion right now.
"I think he's right, Naruto," Kakashi said, quieter than his brazen student.
The three men sat in the Hokage's office after Naruto's late-night meeting with the kages as they scrambled to decide the fate of where Sarada and Boruto should remain.
"No." Naruto was also blunt. "I don't think them staying in the safe house for that long would be good for them or for kids. We can put a seal around both of our houses for extra protection and Hinata will always be home. And if Sakura is home, they can be over there too-"
"No," Sasuke continued. "We don't know how long Satoshi will be in the hospital. They will want to visit him. I don't feel comfortable with Sarada traveling around the village with a potential target on her back, and if they are in the safe house there is a direct underground route to the hospital. There was a reason she delivered under lockdown— we knew something like this could happen and it did."
"And we don't know how long we will be after this. They need a normal life as much as possible. What do you think their life would be like if they have to live there? Until we figure this out? We thought this would be completed before she even gave birth and we still haven't even caught up to Kara so how long do you have in mind?" He sat back and folded his arms. "These rules were only supposed to be until she gave birth. By keeping them hidden away, we're treating them like pariahs. It's time we switch strategy. We can't ask them to stop their lives and also lose manpower. We have this. We can protect them. I refuse to treat them like I was treated."
He leaned forward again, forearms against his desk, and looked Sasuke directly in the eye. "I know you won't remember this because you were still delusional, but I wasn't going to be allowed to fight in the war because I was the target. And how would that have ended if I allowed that to happen?"
Sasuke sucked in a breath at Naruto's audacity. "That's not the same thing, Naruto," he scoffed after a moment.
"How? We'd be losing one of our best kunoichis. I know she can't work for a while but eventually she'll be healed. We need her, Sasuke. And we can protect them."
His eyes trailed Sasuke's as he stared up at the ceiling, considering his best friend's points.
"Fine. But if anything happens, if we find anyone in the village who contributed to this-"
"-We will send them back. Promise."
Boruto didn't mean to lie.
He just omitted the harsh details of his night before his children were born for so long that he couldn't bring himself to finally tell Sarada. By the time the opportunity could have even presented itself, it would have felt too awkward, too forced; it would have felt like he was deliberately keeping her in the dark about what happened outside their safe, warm home.
Which, Boruto guessed, he really was. But he had good reason, he also told himself. Especially after watching her suffer those first few days.
The first night was a blur. Itsumi's shrill cry mixed with his exhaustion and sudden worry about what was happening behind the walls. He felt slightly guilty for worrying about something else other than Sarada and his children, but knowing that Konohamaru was injured on his behalf sliced him so thin he didn't feel more than a shell of himself.
What if they left the warmth and ignorance of the safe house and the village was once again pummeled to pebbles? What if, because he turned his back for a few minutes to selfishly take care of his own, the rest of the village he had vowed to protect was just...gone? Even if there were other shinobi who made the same promise to protect their home, he couldn't just ask someone to do that for him, to step into his place. Not when he was who they were after. Squeezing his eyes shut and holding Itsumi closer to him still did nothing to expel the memories of the last year of almost losing and rebuilding his home.
His anxiety increased the longer he held his screaming child. As he rocked her, trying to shush her and ultimately failing, he feared for her life and her brother's life, still silent in his incubator. He couldn't even soothe her. And he couldn't shake the thought that if he couldn't even do the basics, was he even able to protect them from whatever was out there? Whatever was after him and, undoubtedly, after them?
He had made them targets just from creating them, before they even had a choice at the life they wanted to live, he realized. He put targets on their heads before they even took their first breaths. It was no wonder he felt shaky and wanted to cry along with her if he couldn't be out on the frontlines.
"Oh, she's hungry. Give her to Sarada."
Sakura, Shizune, and Tsunade would flitter in and out of the room to check on them and offer assistance when necessary, which Boruto noticed was a lot. It appeared Itsumi wasn't hungry.
She refused to nurse. She squirmed with all her might and screamed to get out of Sarada's arms, out of Boruto's arms, out of anyone who would try to pick her up. The whole night she cried and each woman would come up with another excuse as to why as they tried to help Sarada again.
And again, Boruto didn't know where he fit in. His body wasn't made to feed his children. So he would just turn away, hands shrugged into pockets, head swimming from exhaustion and a headache that pounded in time to Itsumi's screams.
Finally, in the early hours of the morning, Sarada and Itsumi were both asleep and the fight to feed and soothe were finally put to rest at least for the time being. It was finally Boruto's moment to act.
He snuck through the corridors that lead underneath the hospital and wound his way up from damp concrete to the bright bleached hallways. It was still much too early for any visitors, but he knew how to be discreet until he found his way to the ward he knew Konohamaru would be in, and began peeking inside the windows of each room. He hoped he could recognize Konohamaru inside the dark and that the other shinobi would show signs of stirring, but as he peered in one of the last rooms at the end of the hall, he received more than he could have bargained for.
Another blonde shinobi in orange was standing next to a bed, talking to someone in it.
"Dad?" Boruto didn't even try to lower his voice as he burst into the room.
Naruto turned quickly and Konohamaru leaned forward in bed to throw a wide grin at his student.
The Hokage furrowed his eyebrows at his son. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to find Konohamaru and see if he's okay…" He looked between them. "And Sarada is sleeping," he added to his father's clear judgment, "so there was nothing else for me to do. What are you doing here?""
Konohamaru reached out a hand toward Boruto and interrupted before Naruto could respond. "There he is, the man of the hour! Congratulations!" he cried and vigorously shook his hand. "Your dad told me everything! A boy and a girl, wow- you two are going to have your hands full!"
"Yeah, well... you look like you also have your hands full." He eyed his sensei who had a clear bandage wrapped around his chest and raised an eyebrow.
"Ah, it's just a little wound," Konohamaru replied nonchalantly and took his hand from his student's to wave him away. "I'll be okay."
"What happened?"
"It's really okay-"
"I didn't leave Sarada for you to just yank me around."
Konohamaru sighed, realizing Boruto wasn't going to budge. "The storm impeded us a little and I truly believe that's the only reason they even got close to hurting me. They got away but I have faith that Mitsuki and-"
"Wait, where's Mitsuki?" The smaller shinobi looked to his father, eyes wide. "Is he still not back?"
Naruto let out a deep breath. "I already told you that I sent out an ANBU team to help him and they aren't back yet. But it's only been a few hours and this storm-"
"I knew I shouldn't have left!" Boruto sunk down in the chair beside Konohamaru's bed and hung his head in his hands.
"What do you mean? You got to see your children be born! And now you have two-"
"You got hurt! And what if something happens? What if someone infiltrates the village? They are after me and what if I'm leading them directly to-"
"Go back to Sarada," Naruto cut him off. "You're exhausted, listen to yourself. We have this handled and you don't even know specifically what it is anyway. You can come back tomorrow. Does Sarada know about what happened?"
"No, she…" He thought back to the dark rings around her eyes, her soft begging in desperate attempts to hold Itsumi to her to nurse. "It's been a long night. I'll tell her tomorrow."
"Okay. I just talked to Sakura and she said she can release her from the hospital tomorrow at the earliest. We set up a seal around our house and hers just until we figure out what's happening in the meantime. You'll obviously stay with her and Mom will be there too. That's how you can help right now, okay?" he added at the end and held his son's stare.
Boruto nodded silently.
"You can come back tomorrow," Naruto said again. "But go back right now and I'll let you know if we find anything more."
Even after Boruto returned, it didn't get easier for Sarada and no other time presented itself for him to tell her about Konohamaru and Mitsuki. The next day she assured her mom she felt well enough to continue healing at home, wanting to rest somewhere normal and to start a routine for Itsumi before her brother came home. She never questioned why they didn't have visitors, which he found strange at first he would admit, but with Itsumi's almost constant crying and their worrying about Satoshi who was still confined to the hospital, entertaining more people felt like another boulder of burden neither could shoulder. Obviously it was best if he let her deal with what was in front of her rather than also force her to deal with the stress of her teammates.
Especially if she struggled to even keep it together.
Day one at home they spent at Uzumaki home because Himawari had a few days off and would be a tremendous help to Hinata who already committed herself to helping Sarada around the clock. They muddled through the first day, both of them limping along and just trying to keep Itsumi from crying as much as possible. But even as the sun began to set on the second day at home, Boruto still didn't know where he was meant to be between Hima desperate to hold Itsumi and Sarada quietly begging her to eat.
"Come on, Itsumi…" she whispered, eyes wild in a way he had never seen before.
Dark circles hung under her eyes and she never took her desperate gaze off their daughter as she shifted her again against her chest.
"She won't stop screaming to eat…"
"Let me take her again-" Boruto started but Sarada's head snapped up to meet his.
"No." It was firm, final.
"I have this," she hissed.
"But I think I can- At least let me—"
The baby let out a higher shriek, causing both her parents to wince.
"I just need to focus! Go visit Satoshi or something. I think there's just too much noise for her." She immediately turned away from him again, effectively ending their conversation. He stood there for a few more seconds before he could no longer listen to the tear-streaked desperation in her voice and quietly left the room.
Great. He couldn't even talk to her even if he wanted to. It was obvious how badly she wanted to make this work on her own. He also couldn't say he was completely surprised- she had always been this headstrong and determined, but he also thought there was a part of her that was being unreasonable. They had learned to work together before when they could barely stand to even look at each other, so why couldn't she just give up a little control to the only other person who was supposed to be able to care for them in the same way she could?
"Where are you going?" Himawari's voice followed him out the front door as he exited into the evening air.
Boruto shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. "To visit Satoshi."
"Oh! Let me grab my shoes, I'll go with y-"
"No!" His words snapped and even he had to pause in surprise at his tone. "I mean… Just... Go later, okay?"
He could feel his sister's eyes follow him out the front gate but he didn't realize that she knew immediately that he was lying.
Sarada didn't mean to become jealous. Really. She didn't. But she didn't expect this to be so hard and to feel so worthless. Even as she snapped at Boruto, she knew it was wrong, and yet she couldn't stop herself from making him out to be the enemy. But how could she not? she tried to reason with herself.
For all those months while he traipsed the countryside with her father, she sat at home sponging in as much as she could to prepare for her children. She read every book, talked her mother's ear off until even Sakura had to shut her down and reassure her that she worried too much, that it would come naturally to her.
But unfortunately, not everyone is born a natural.
She knew it would be difficult and that the early days would be filled with no sleep, yet there was a small, smug part of her that also believed that if she could just read enough, she'd be trained to do this. Everyone told her that once her children were here she'd know exactly what to do and that her body would just move on its own as though she had superhuman powers to overcome the extreme exhaustion. Plus, after having read every book on every subject about the best ways to nurse or soothe a fussy baby, she actually did feel ready.
This was way less hard of training than any of her actual training; she had almost died before, so would calming a baby really be that difficult compared to almost bleeding out?
She pictured herself vacillating between the twins, singing to them softly as she changed their diapers and rocked them each to sleep, floating around the nursery to bring both of them comfort that only a mother could. And when Boruto would naturally fumble because he didn't read all those books or possess natural motherly instincts, she would just laugh softly and show him what to do.
But instead of that soft daydream coming true, a nightmare Sarada never could have imagined reared upwards instead: a baby that would never stop howling and another one ripped away while circuits and wires held him instead of her. She couldn't stop thinking about how her body hadn't been enough to keep him safe and help him grow, so now he needed to stay at the hospital for who knew how long until his lungs were developed enough to go home, all the while cared for by someone else who wasn't his mother. Someone way less qualified.
His sister can just give him some of hers, she sardonically thought every time Itsumi would wake and begin her screaming again. She couldn't even comfort the one child she could bring home, so she wouldn't- couldn't- allow herself to give up any control until she could prove to herself that she knew what she was doing.
So no, of course she snapped at Boruto when he offered to help.
Sarada felt bad, watching him wait by the doorframe like he didn't belong in his children's room but she still couldn't help hissing at him.
"Let me take her again," he murmured but she cut him off.
"No. I have this!"
"But I think I can…" She could hear the strain in his voice. "Just let me…"
"Just visit Satoshi or something!" Sarada felt a sob begin to choke her as tears sprang to her eyes. She turned away so he wouldn't see. This was not at all what she pictured; she was supposed to be helping him.
Itsumi squirmed against her, fighting with her tiny fists that only hit the air but nonetheless suckerpunched Sarada right in the heart. Why couldn't she just-
Finally after what felt like a lifetime, Boruto slunk out of the room and she could hear his footsteps pound down the stairs and out the door. Good. He was gone. Now that she was alone, she could finally let the hot tears pour from her eyes and release all the frustration that had been building up over the last few days; as soon as she began, she realized she couldn't stop herself from letting out a sob even if she wanted to.
Why was she such a failure?
This was supposed to come naturally but she couldn't even get her child to eat, one of the basic needs of human life.
The bliss she had originally felt holding her daughter was quickly mutilated over the last three days of constant crying and transformed into a kind of frustration she had never felt. Frustration and… resentment? Resentment for something showing her that no matter how hard she tried, she may not be good at everything? That she, as much as she tried, and read, and loved her babies, that she maybe wasn't a good mom? And that if she couldn't do the basics...that maybe she'd never be?
And then there was that sick part of her, that part she didn't want to admit to herself just like the resentment she fought to keep buried, that was almost happy Satoshi wasn't here because she couldn't imagine going through this twice. But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, a pang of guilt flooded her. A good mother wouldn't possibly think those things.
A tear dripped on the bawling infant's face, then another, and another one, as all her swirling emotions in the past forty-eight hours came crashing into her, which just made Sarada cry harder until the mother couldn't tell where Itsumi's cries started and hers stopped. Get it together, she scolded herself, but she couldn't catch her breath. Suddenly, a knock at the door pulled her out of her self-loathing.
She looked up to see Hinata standing at the door with a bottle in hand, her eyes soft and her mouth settled into a frown.
"T-Thank you," Sarada stuttered through the tears and turned away again, "b-but it's okay...I'll get her to-"
The Uzumaki bounded across the room and thrust the bottle into Sarada's hand. "I am not asking," she said quietly, "I am telling. Not all babies nurse, Sarada. She's hungry and it's been long enough. You shouldn't be crying over this."
Sarada sniffed. "I can get it to work. One of the books said-"
"Not all the books are right because not every baby is the same." Hinata's eyes bore into the girl's. "The first few weeks are really, really hard and I know you'll want to cry, and it's okay that you do. But I can tell you that you should be tired over other things and not worrying about if your kid is eating enough." She tapped the bottle hanging in Sarada's hand. "She shouldn't be crying this much. You shouldn't be crying this much."
Sarada's lip quivered. "It's only day two at home…"
"You will have good days and bad days and we are all here to help. So let me help you."
"What...what if she keeps crying...What if I can't…" What if I still can't be what she needs? She was too scared to ask.
But she realized she must have said it aloud because Hinata's eyes softened even more and she was suddenly kneeling in front of her, gripping her arm. "I'll feed her," she urged. "You take a nap. Or go visit Satoshi if you need to. I'm worried about you."
The guilt consumed Sarada as she relinquished her daughter to Hinata but she could no longer ignore her body screaming for a break. "I-I'll go see Satoshi…" she whispered and shuffled across the room to the door. Hinata watched the girl move toward Boruto's room to presumably change but was not surprised when she didn't emerge; she knew the girl had fallen into a much needed sleep.
Hima didn't mean to be so sneaky.
She just couldn't trust her brother, not with that tone. Truth be told she was surprised to see him actually go into the hospital when she could have sworn he was lying about going to see his son. But something about their exchange still ate at her.
She held back at first to give him time to move into the hospital and away from the front doors, then walked into the hospital herself. If Boruto really was there then she'd face his annoyance at being followed after he told her not to come, but Himawari didn't care- this was her nephew, someone she'd been dying to meet. She had spent over forty-eight hours with Itsumi so far and all she did was cry. It'd be a welcomed change.
The younger Uzumaki followed the halls up to the NICU where she knew Satoshi would be housed and fully expected to see her brother waiting outside the glass, staring inwards at the son he couldn't touch.
But as she rounded the corner to the unit, she paused. Not one person roamed the hall.
She knew it. A part of her felt completely smug and satisfied because she was able to catch her brother in a lie, but the other part of her was uneasy. Where was he then?
She continued up to the window half-expecting him now to be inside the room next to Satoshi. But as she creeped up to the window, she only saw a few beds of babies and nurses surrounding them. She recognized a pink haired someone though in the back beside an incubator and raised her hand to get the woman's attention.
Sakura grinned and waved back, then made her way outside. "Here to see your nephew?" she mused and held the door open for Himawari to walk through.
"Yeah...and my brother. Is Boruto here by chance?" Hima questioned as she followed Sakura to the back of the nursery.
"Mm, no I haven't seen him. Is he with Sarada?" Sakura asked as she handed Himawari a mask to put on.
"I thought he had left earlier but...maybe I was mistaken…" the girl lied.
"Well you're here and that's all that matters. I was just about to go back to work so I like that he has someone here to visit him." She gestured to the incubator. "Meet your nephew. He's much quieter than his sister."
Hima let out an involuntary squeak as she peered into the box at her nephew for the first time. Wires protruded out of the boy and seemed to somehow make him appear much smaller than he already did; his eyes were closed but his tiny fists jutted into the air.
"When can we hold him…" she whispered, suddenly aware of her large presence that seemed to overpower his fragile body; she was scared that just from speaking normally she would break him.
"Soon." Sakura sounded solemn. "Hopefully in a few weeks he can go home. But he's a strong little one, look at him, so I have faith it will be soon."
"Has my dad been here?"
"I heard he came in last night but I haven't seen him myself."
Himawari leaned closer to the glass to inspect the almost microscopic fingers and toes on her newest family member, and tried to soak in as much as she could to be able to replay his memory over and over again while he was stuck here. He was so small, so helpless, and all she wanted to do was pick him up and coddle him to her, a pull she couldn't describe. When Sarada was pregnant Hima had promised whenever she saw her that she would protect her niece and nephew always, but she never realized how helpless they would actually be and in need of saving.
She felt her lip quiver for a moment and straightened again. Whatever Boruto was doing, she hoped it was a good enough reason to pull him away from this.
Hima also didn't mean to still be so snippy when she returned home that evening. After leaving the hospital she trained until she couldn't see her hand in front of her, and was immediately welcomed home by Itsumi's shrill cry.
"Where's Boruto?" she started to call over the baby's wail, but walked into the kitchen to find him alone, walking Itsumi around the kitchen table as she cried.
He stopped rocking the baby in his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Hi?" he asked cautiously. "What's with the tone?"
"Where were you today?"
"What do you mean where was I…?"
Himawari crossed her arms. "I went to the hospital. You weren't there."
Rocking Itsumi again, Boruto rolled his eyes and kept pacing, but Himawari could see the redness creeping up his cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about, Hima."
"Satoshi. I went to see him. You said you'd be there but you weren't. Where were you?"
"I had some other things to take care of. I went to see him after that."
"At the hospital?" she asked accusingly. "What did you have to do at the hospital?"
"Damn, Hima, maybe this genin stuff has really gone to your head," he snapped. "You're not a detective so just leave it, okay? I clearly have other shit to worry about right now and you really want to fight with me about where I was for a few minutes?"
"Shouldn't you be here with Sarada?"
"She's the one who told me to go! Why the third degree right now?!"
Hima was shocked; it wasn't often that Boruto snapped at her, especially after Kawaki's arrest when they needed peace and normalcy in the family again. She took a step backwards, eyes wide, ready to pounce back, but Hinata walked into the kitchen at that moment. Her eyes moved between her two children and their red faces.
"What's going on here…?" she asked, but Hima just shook her head and moved past her mom silently.
"Nothing."
Mitsuki didn't mean to be late. Five days after he went back to check the lab, he was finally back in the village with a few less ANBU but slightly more knowledge. Better late than never though, he supposed. Slightly before midnight, he finally, finally found himself standing in the warmth of the Hokage's office.
Naruto immediately glanced up at the chakra disturbance and couldn't stop his chair from crashing backwards as he stood up quickly to greet him.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, Lord Seventh."
"Tell me everything."
After another two limping days, Boruto now split his time between the house and whatever he was doing outside the Uzumakis' walls. But Sarada didn't mind too much in her half-zombified state. She tried to allow him the morning feedings before he'd leave, and even though she relished the time away from having to hold Itsumi at all times else the child would scream more, she also couldn't take her back from Boruto fast enough. And even though a part of her resented him for being able to leave the house, she also couldn't bear the thought of having to give up any more control than she already had.
It was overall still a conflicting time. She didn't want any help, yet she wanted to know where Boruto spent his afternoons. She didn't want to bottle feed, yet felt defeated at the waste of the formula that Itsumi never seemed to finish. She didn't want to be a mother to this monster, yet the thought of her being in anyone else's arms sent her into a panic.
Boruto had been quieter than usual and they didn't say much to each other as the waves of exhaustion threatened to drown them both. On their fifth evening of being parents, he had come home with his face set in a usual frown that she'd gotten used to the last few days.
"Take the night off," he had said quietly, reaching for the fussy baby. "I got her. You look exhausted."
Though everything inside of her winced, she reluctantly let Boruto lift her out of her arms. "Go to bed," he then said before flipping off the lights and leaving her alone with no other choice.
But that was hours ago, at least from what Sarada could tell, when she suddenly jerked awake. It took her a moment of listening to the void to realize what had woken her: the house was silent. It was settled. For the first time in almost a week she couldn't hear Itsumi's cry or noises.
But that in itself was a bad sign.
She shot up against her pain and hobbled downstairs in search of Boruto when she heard the voices in the living room.
"-so Mitsuki's fine?!" Boruto's frantic voice wafted to the bottom stair where Sarada was perched, about to take her final step onto the landing.
Mitsuki? Why wouldn't Mitsuki be okay?
"Absolutely fine." Naruto's voice was deeper as he tried to talk lowly. "He's at the hospital to be checked out and he's speaking with Intel, but he's going to be fine."
Sarada's stomach lurched as she heard Boruto's choking sob from the next room. It felt like her world suddenly tilted like she was looking into a fun house mirror and she couldn't quite recognize the scenario in front of her. If this had to do with her teammate she would know, right? In her exhaustion did she forget a conversation with Boruto? Her heart quickened as she sifted through the minimal words they exchanged the last few days and couldn't remember even one mention of Mitsuki.
Was he expecting something to be wrong with Mitsuki? The realization punched her directly in the gut that she hadn't seen him since before the babies were born. Her perspective crashed back into place clearly all at once: If there was something wrong with Mitsuki, this would explain Boruto's mood. His silence. His worried glances. She thought maybe she just worried him because she wasn't handling motherhood as strongly as she expected of herself, but maybe it had nothing to do with her at all.
But at the same time… it didn't actually make any sense. Because if Mitsuki was hurt in some way, Boruto would have told her. Right?
Sarada caught her eye in the mirror across from the stairs. Her hair was a mess atop her head and her glasses were smeared; it took her a moment to even recognize herself. It was as though in the last five days she had shriveled physically and mentally into another person, a husk of herself. Could others see it too? She was so far from being the strong, confident kunoichi she was such a short time ago, and now all she could see was a scared, miserable girl. If she wasn't a good ninja, if Boruto couldn't even talk to her about their teammate, and she wasn't a good mother...who was she?
"So what happened?" Boruto sniffed. "Do they know about Sarada?"
"No. That's why I came home to talk to you. Mitsuki said they learned that they really were just talking about you. They know you're having more trouble with your karma, so someone has been watching. We are investigating here in the village and that's why they took so long to come home. They were scared they'd be intercepted in case someone actually was watching, but all they could discover was that they have most likely still have people scattered around and came across you and Sasuke at some point while traveling."
"Well yeah," Boruto scoffed. "We already figured that out."
"We don't know for sure yet how they have an eye on you and that's what's concerning. As soon as we finish our investigation here we're sending people out again."
"Are you sending me?" Boruto asked earnestly.
It was silent for a beat. "It may be safer...for the meantime…" Naruto struggled with his words. "We'll discuss this when it's not the middle of the night. There's so many what-ifs right now, and we at least have a win if they don't know about the twins. We need to keep that. If someone is watching you, we may need to reconsider."
Boruto made a noise.
"Look," his father offered, "she's quiet. From what I've heard from your mother that's rare. Clearly you're doing something right and maybe that's a sign."
Sarada shuffled forward to peer between the door and saw Boruto cradling a silent Itsumi as he stood by the table. From her vantage she could see her daughter's eyes open, blinking upward, suddenly content.
It was the first time Itsumi was truly content. The girl felt her head begin to spin again as she tried to process what she was seeing and hearing. Mitsuki was gone this whole time? He never came home from their mission and everyone had neglected to tell her? And now her daughter was finally silent and she wasn't even the one who calmed her?
She bit her lip to keep her eyes from spilling over when Naruto stood. "I'm going to go back to my office to take care of a few things," he announced. "If you need me come get me, but you should probably sleep. You've already seen enough of my office the last few days and I've heard you've also spent a lot of time with Konohamaru. Mitsuki will be in the same hospital room so you'll know where to find him."
Sarada flittered into the shadows at the top of the stairs though she knew realistically that the Hokage most likely sensed her on his way out. She waited until he shut the door behind her and began to descend again, wasting no time bursting into the kitchen to the alarm of Boruto who had just settled in a chair.
He was clearly caught off guard, surprise etched on his face as he exclaimed, "You're awa-"
"Why." She bunched up her fists at her sides and didn't even try to lower her voice as she instantly attacked. "Why didn't you tell me about Mitsuki?! And Konohamaru? The hospital?!"
Boruto's jaw twitched and his fingers gripped tighter to Itsumi's body swaddled in a blanket. "Sarada," he whispered, his voice cracking at the end. "I was going to tell you…"
"Were you?! Because it sounds like Mitsuki's been gone for almost a week! Did this happen on your last mission? And what happened to Sensei?!"
"Mitsuki went back. He thought… He thought they might know about the babies. Konohamaru was attacked before he got back to the village." His blue eyes desperately searched her now red ones blazing in anger and sighed before squeezing his shut. "I didn't know how to tell you. You were going through so much, with Itsumi and Satoshi, and I just didn't want to put more on you."
"Those are my teammates, Boruto! Do you not think I can handle these things?" she cried as tears began to spring from her eyes.
"No that's not it! I just didn't want to tell you if you were already struggling. You had to focus on the babies!"
"I am more than a mother! And I'm not a fucking porcelain doll! I am a part of that team. If you can't trust me with this then…" A hand raised to her messy hair and she felt dazed again. "I don't even know who I am anymore if I'm not a… You would have told me these things before, Boruto. What's the point of being teammates if you won't even talk to me? I need things to go back to the way they were before!"
Boruto started to shake his head slowly as Itsumi began to stir in his arms. "I don't think we can do that," he murmured after a second.
"Excuse me?!"
He continued to shake his head and he locked eyes with her again. "It'll never be the same because you know you're so much more than before. You're-you're the mother to my children and my future wife and-"
Sarada felt her heart drop into her stomach. "Your wife?" Her voice cracked. "What did you just say?"
Boruto's cheeks reddened as he realized his slip up and began to stutter. "I mean! I mean only if you wanted to. I didn't mean now. I didn't mean to make you feel-" His words tripped over one another until he didn't even know what he was saying.
"You know that...You know that I love you, Sarada," he finally settled on. "But you're right. I don't want to treat you like a doll that might break. But I'll never stop trying to protect you because you're my teammate and I never want it to go back to the way it was."
Sarada now was shaking her head and backing away toward the door. "This is too much," she muttered. "We haven't even had time to settle after you came home... This was supposed to be a conversation about you keeping things from me."
"I'm sorry for keeping this from you. I never meant to underestimate you." His voice softened. "Sometimes you can be super rigid, which I know you know, but you're still the strongest person I know. After seeing all that...I just want to do everything I can for you. But you're right. I have to include you as my partner. Really."
Sarada's lip began to quiver and she didn't know what emotion to don as pain, confusion, and anger all flitted around her head until all she heard was static. She didn't even realize she was still backing away from Boruto until she bumped into the door and it knocked her back to herself, the reality of her situation suddenly appearing clear in front of her.
"I have to go."
Without looking back or fully realizing where she was going, she threw her shoes on and rushed out the door into the cold night.
Naruto couldn't stop staring at the handwriting in front of him. It couldn't be real. Not after all this time.
He could feel himself shaking as he looked back up at Shikamaru who had delivered the letter to him. "Are you sure we can verify it?" he asked.
Shikamaru shrugged and let out a wide yawn. "Can't be that hard. Are you going to give it to him?"
Would it do more harm than good? The thought was loud in his head but before he could get it out his door flew open to reveal Sarada Uchiha standing in the doorway Mitsuki was just hours before with a clear mission etched onto her face.
He opened his mouth to speak but she didn't waste a moment in marching up to him and placing both hands on either side of the desk to lean close to his face. Naruto stared back at her, perplexed.
"Put me back to work," she demanded.
"Back to work?" Shikamaru quipped. "It's three in the goddamn morning."
She whipped around to glare at him, and even he took a step backward upon seeing her face. Naruto sighed and leaned back in his chair; she was so much like Sasuke. So determined.
Sarada finally turned back to face the Hokage. "If you can't send me out there then I'll work here. I heard everything you said to Boruto. If I or my children are in any potential danger then I need to be in on it."
Ah.
She couldn't read his face and honestly didn't know how he was going to react- she had just barged into his office in the middle of the night, of course. But finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Naruto uncrossed his arms and sat forward again. "Fine," he replied. "There's not a lot we know right now so you can definitely be in charge of organizing the information with Shikamaru as it comes in. You can start tomorrow and work from wherever you'd like; we'll update you."
Sarada straightened, satisfied. "Thank you," she said. "I...I'm sorry for barging in on you like this." As she made her way back toward the door, Naruto watched as she paused with her hand in midair for the doorknob.
"Lord Seventh?" she asked with a different tone to her voice this time; she sounded more like her child-self, Naruto realized.
"Hm?"
"If I...I'm the last Uchiha, technically, right? Since the babies have your last name?"
Naruto and Shikamaru exchanged a cautious glance, not knowing where she was going. "I guess so if you look at it that way. Why?"
"I'd never have to give up being an Uchiha, would I? If I didn't want to?"
"I don't think anyone is forced to change their name in any way if they didn't want to, no," Naruto replied. "Why?"
"No reason. I was just thinking." She then pulled back the handle on the door before either man could say another word and was gone as quickly as she had come.
"Wonder what that was about," Shikamaru said then nodded toward the letter Naruto still had crumpled tightly in his fist. "Do you think you should have told her about that? It could relate."
Naruto smoothed it back out in his hand and stared down at Kawaki's letter, the first correspondence they had in over a year.
I need to see Boruto. Please.
It wasn't often, or ever, that boy asked with a please. And locked up in maximum security, the Hokage knew he would have had to go to great lengths to even gain paper to send this. But even more unsettling, the thing that made him wonder the most, was the end of the letter.
There's a rumor.