A/N: Welcome back, my dear readers! This chapter has been a challenge to write, and I've spent the last few days tweaking and editing and being neurotic because I am. But it's fine. Between classes and work I'm not sure how often updates will be (as if there's a regularity to updates to begin with).
I hope you enjoy this chapter, just like I hope you always do. Take care of yourselves, dear readers. Your support means so much to me.
Bellatrix balanced expertly on her broom, holding her arms out to the side and tilting her face to the sun. Every time her feet lifted off the ground and the wood of her broomstick became the only thing between her and the ground, she felt like she could do anything. She let her arms dangle at her sides, scanning the stands for Hermione. Her eyes recognized her bushy brown hair, quickly focusing on her face. Hermione also made her feel like she could do anything. Bellatrix smiled as she observed Hermione in the stands, her lip between her teeth while she scribbled furiously on parchment. She would glance up and around occasionally, making sure she wasn't missing Bellatrix's turn to try out. So far, the competition was unimpressive in their Quidditch capabilities. She was the only girl trying out, which wasn't entirely surprising, but she knew she would have to work harder than everyone else.
Hermione kept part of her attention on the hovering form of Bellatrix, occasionally admiring the dark-haired witch. She could feel Bellatrix glancing at her every now and then, and couldn't help the feeling in her gut whenever her eyes landed on her. She tried to focus on editing her essay, even though she didn't need to. If she didn't have something to work on, she would stare at Bellatrix too much. She had never been a fan of Quidditch, but she had to admit that Bellatrix made the sport look a lot more interesting. And she looked amazing in Quidditch robes. Hermione fought against the reddening of her cheeks, glancing up at Bellatrix and admiring her slim figure against the blue sky. She looked so much more relaxed on her broom, the way Hermione imagined she looked to Bellatrix when she was sitting at the piano in the Common Room. Being so far away, Hermione really shouldn't have been able to make out the individual curls and the depth of her dark eyes, but she could. Or, maybe, she had spent so much time unconsciously memorizing every little piece of Bellatrix that she just knew what was there. Hermione tore her eyes away, forcing herself to focus on the parchment in her lap. The parchment she ended up scribbling all over in an attempt to keep her thoughts from wandering too much. It hadn't been as successful as she hoped, and she worked on banishing the nonsense scribbles from her essay.
A flash of gold caught Bellatrix's eye, flitting away just as quickly as it had appeared. She took off behind it, her sudden movement catching Hermione's eyes. Bellatrix leaned forward, pressing her body closer to her broom as she streaked through the sky behind the Snitch. The other Seeker candidate was racing to catch up to her, having noticed the Snitch only when she had set off after it. Bellatrix rolled her eyes, pushing herself to fly faster. The Snitch was within reach when Bellatrix felt more than saw something violently hurtling toward her. She rolled, hanging upside down as a Bludger careened through the space she had been. She watched as the Snitch abruptly changed direction, heading straight down. Bellatrix dove, spinning as she did so she could reach for the Snitch. She could feel wingtips brushing her fingers and she pushed herself harder, rewarded when her hand closed around the gold sphere. With a sharp pull, she leveled out, holding her prize above her head.
"As crazy as she is, I definitely would not mind if she rode me the way she rode that broom," Hermione overheard one Slytherin whisper to another. A surge of anger rushed through her and she gripped her quill tighter as she watched Bellatrix dismount. Her skills were unmatched, and she enjoyed watching her more than she did her friends when they had been in school.
"I know what you mean," he agreed, jerking his chin in Bellatrix's direction, "You know what they say about the crazy ones."
Hermione's grip on her quill tightened even more, nearly snapping it in two as she silently seethed. Before her anger could increase to the point where she snapped, she gathered her belongings and left the stands. She wanted to be outside the changing rooms when Bellatrix got out, and she was glad it put some distance between the two boys. Hermione leaned against a wooden post while she waited, taking care to breathe deeply in an attempt to calm herself. Her blood was still boiling as the words echoed in her head, bothering her on a level she didn't quite understand. Obviously, she didn't want anyone to talk about another person like that, but the fact that they had been talking about Bellatrix nearly made her curse them on the spot. Focused on calming herself, Hermione didn't hear the fast-approaching footsteps off to the side.
"Hermione!" Bellatrix called, "I did it!"
Hermione snapped out of her thoughts, smiling and saying, "I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you."
Bellatrix felt warmth blossom in her chest, spreading through her body and tinging her cheeks pink. She grabbed Hermione's arm, a large smile on her face as she pulled her to walk with her. Hermione felt her earlier rage evaporate at seeing Bellatrix smile, allowing her to pull her along.
"Going to play with your little pet, Bellatrix? Daddy would be so proud," One of the boys from earlier taunted as he exited the stands.
Bellatrix's smile dropped from her face as she let go of Hermione's arm. Hermione felt fresh anger course through her, her fingers twitching as if to grab her wand and hex the boy.
"Sad that her 'pet' has more brain cells than both of you combined," Hermione retorted, "Where does that leave the two of you?"
"Watch your tongue around your betters, Mudblood," one of them seethed.
"The same could be said of yourself. How many house points have you earned us? Oh, that's right, you've lost us points and it's only been a week," she said, stepping forward.
"How dare you speak to me like that!" He roughly grabbed Hermione's arm, yanking her forward.
Hermione wrenched herself from his grasp, shoving him roughly away from her. She could feel herself about to snap, the whisper in her ear egging her on.
"You're gonna regret that." He drew his wand, pointing it at Hermione threateningly.
"Don't you dare," Bellatrix said coldly, leveling her wand at him.
"Don't worry, I'll save some for you."
Hermione ground her teeth, clenching her fists together in an attempt not to react. She was steadily losing the battle for control, something that seldom happened. Every muscle in her body was tense, the anger building inside her. When the other pointed his wand at Bellatrix, she snapped, drawing her wand and casting a spell to knock them down in one fluid motion. She kept her wand pointed at them as they groaned in pain. Bellatrix could sense Hermione's frayed control, grabbing her arm and tugging her away before they could come to their senses. Hermione kept her wand pointed at the boys as Bellatrix tried to pull her away, only lowering her arm when Bellatrix pried her wand from her grip. She continued to usher Hermione away, hoping that a walk would calm her down.
"Hermione," Bellatrix whispered, slowing their pace only when the shores of the Black Lake came into view, "What can I do?"
Her heart sank when Hermione pulled her arm away, marching ahead of her. She hung back, giving Hermione the space she seemed to want. Bellatrix sat down where the grass met the shore, watching as Hermione grew smaller as she continued walking along the shore. A look of disappointment and sadness settled on her face, a small amount of hurt making her heart ache with every beat. She watched Hermione pace along the shoreline, her eyes fixated on the other witch as she walked one way, then the opposite, and the other way again.
Hermione wanted to rage, to scream, to do something to make the voice in her head go away, to make her feel better. It pressed in on her thoughts, louder than the sounds of her footsteps, than the lapping of the water against the shore.
"He deserved it. He deserved so much more," Bellatrix hissed, always right behind her no matter how much she walked.
It was repeated like a mantra, and Hermione pressed her palms against her ears to block out the sound, only for it to echo in her head. She wanted it to stop, but didn't know what to do, and she felt hot tears of frustration well in her eyes. Her eyes fell on Bellatrix as she passed her again, the witch watching with concern. She wanted to tell her, but didn't know how. She wanted her help but she was afraid she would lash out and hurt her. She didn't want to hurt Bellatrix. She wanted to get lost in the depths of her eyes, to talk about school, to feel the calmness that always washed over her when Bellatrix was there, her patient presence making the whole world move the way it was supposed to. She wanted to run to her and be engulfed in her embrace, to bury her head in her dark curls, to inhale the ink and lavender surrounding Bellatrix.
Bellatrix straightened as Hermione headed toward her, sending the brunette a gentle smile.
"I want to show you something," Hermione whispered, her eyes watery, "I want to show you but I don't know if I can, or if you can handle it, and I don't want to hurt you but I think I need you to know so you understand. So you can help me."
"What is it?" Bellatrix asked, her voice soft.
Hermione worried her lip between her teeth plopping down on the grass beside Bellatrix. "I want to show you what happened. But only if you think you can handle it. You don't have to see it all now. And I understand if you don't want to be my friend after."
For a moment, Bellatrix was unable to process Hermione's words, lost in the beautiful brown of Hermione's eyes until she finally whispered, "Nothing in this world would make me want to stop being your friend."
Hermione gave her a sad smile, hoping she was right but unable to feel the same confidence. "Do you know Legilimancy?"
Bellatrix nodded, turning to face Hermione. "Do you want to do it here?"
"I can't be around other people yet," Hermione said.
"Are you ready?"
"Are you?"
Bellatrix took a steadying breath, traces of paper and smoke lingering in her nose. "Legilimens."
Memories rushed past her in a blur, with a few moments sticking out. Hermione's acceptance into Hogwarts, the first time she was sorted, being petrified, using a time turner, a ball, a woman with too much pink. The memories started slowing down, leaving Bellatrix in the midst of what she assumed to be the Department of Mysteries based on snippets of conversation. Hermione and five other people stood in a tight ring, wands drawn against an unseen threat. A man came into view, his words distorted as if he was underwater, and suddenly Bellatrix saw herself. Her future self. The one who hurt Hermione. Anger flowed through her, threatening to pull her out of the memory as she watched what happened. Her cousin, Sirius, killed by her. Her heart dropped, and she struggled to stay calm enough to stay until the end of the memory.
As soon as it was over, the memories moved faster, slowing long enough for her to see herself destroy a wayward home, for a man to kill Dumbledore at her encouragement, an attack at a wedding. And then there it was. The memory of how she had scarred Hermione. She watched in horror as Hermione writhed and screamed, unable to tear her eyes away from the macabre scene. She clenched her fists as the memory grew hazy, forcing herself to focus. Bellatrix watched her older self torture Hermione until they escaped, and memories flowed past her again, slow enough for her to catch the important bits. The end of the war, friends begging Hermione to see someone, her work at the Ministry, more pleading, breaking up with a red-haired young man, more pleading, Hermione leaving in the dead of night, breakdowns, drinking, a room with the bare minimum for survival, flashes of Hermione interacting with her even after she was dead, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Mostly bad. Bellatrix pulled out of Hermione's mind, suddenly becoming aware of the wetness on her cheeks.
"Are you okay?" Hermione asked gently, folding in on herself slightly.
"Hermione- I- I'm so sorry," she stuttered, throwing her arms around the witch and burying her face into the cool skin of Hermione's neck, "I never want to hurt you like that."
"It's okay. You haven't. Sometimes she's still with me, whispering horrible things to me. But it isn't really her, I know she isn't real, but it feels so real sometimes. I don't know how to make it stop. But I want it to," Hermione whispered as she wrapped an arm around Bellatrix's waist and buried her free hand in her surprisingly soft curls.
"Bella, please don't cry," she mumbled into her hair as she felt her shoulder grow damp.
"I don't want to become that person. I don't want to do that to you, to anyone," she sobbed, clutching Hermione tightly.
"You won't, I promise," Hermione said with conviction.
"You can't know that, Hermione," Bellatrix insisted, pulling back slightly but staying in Hermione's embrace.
"I can, and I do. Look." Hermione let go of Bellatrix's curls, holding her arm between them and pulling up her sleeve.
Bellatrix stared at Hermione's arm, the scar making her stomach turn. It wasn't as horrifying as the first time she saw it. In fact, the seemingly permanent redness was notably diminished, and it now said "Mudbloo." Carefully, as if Hermione would break under her touch, she dragged her fingertips over the letters, feeling that they weren't as raised as they had been. Hermione tensed at the action but didn't pull away.
"It's getting better," she breathed, unable to take her eyes away from it.
"Because of you, Bella," Hermione pointed out, letting her sleeve fall back down.
"I don't understand," she mumbled, her brows knitting together.
"The more time I spend here, the more I change what happens. The more time I spend with you, the more reasons you have to fight against what happens. You aren't bad, Bella. You're so incredibly good and I wish you would see that. You are so much more than your name."
While Hermione spoke, Bellatrix shifted her gaze to Hermione's eyes, pulled into the amber depths. She became increasingly aware of how good Hermione smelled, how comforting her presence was, how much Bellatrix just loved to hear her talk, how she might be falling for the witch sitting in front of her, and how that might change everything for the both of them.
"Thank you for believing in me, Hermione," she mumbled, her cheeks tinged with a light shade of pink.
"You don't have to thank me for anything. We should probably get going, though. I have a feeling Dumbledore will be hearing what happened and I'd rather it be from us," Hermione said, reaching to brush a stray curl behind Bellatrix's ear, her own cheeks vaguely pink.
"Good evening, all. Just a friendly reminder that antagonizing your fellow students, especially those within your house, is strongly discouraged. You are all here to become better, in whichever ways you choose, and respect is a very admirable quality. On a lighter note, the first Hogsmeade visit is quickly approaching, followed by the first Quidditch match of the school year, which will be between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. And now, it's time to enjoy ourselves!" Dumbledore announced, his eyes twinkling jovially.
Food appeared on the tables, swiftly met with eager hands. Hermione took more care than her peers, putting only as much as she knew she could eat. To her right, Andromeda piled her plate high, nearly disappearing behind her food. To her left, Bellatrix piled a decent amount of food, more than Hermione, but not nearly as much as Andromeda. She gave Hermione a discrete smile, relieved that their house hadn't lost points. Dumbledore had been more understanding and lenient than they anticipated, and the two boys had yet to discuss the incident, most likely for fear of being made fun of for being bested by a Muggleborn girl. Their house had learned quickly not to bother Hermione, and for the most part, as long as she was earning house points and keeping them in the lead, they were content to overlook her blood status. Bellatrix, too, received a reprieve from the usual behavior of her housemates. Between her and Hermione, Slytherin was securely in the lead for House Cup.
"I still can't believe you tried out for the Quidditch team, Bella," Andromeda said between bites of food.
"I wanted to," she stated plainly, munching on a sandwich.
"But why now?" Andromeda questioned, pausing in her inhalation of food long enough to fix Bellatrix with a look she knew too well.
"I needed to do something for me," Bellatrix said slowly, choosing her words carefully.
"Bella," Andromeda began.
"Andromeda, would you tell me more about what happened in Potions yesterday?" Hermione requested, effectively distracting her so Bellatrix could have some peace.
Bellatrix gave her a grateful smile as Andromeda launched into a convoluted recounting of how her bench-mate had somehow managed to split her cauldron in two, spilling a very imperfect Cure for Boils all over the table, and how, despite that, Andromeda had still managed to finish first with a perfectly concocted brew. Hermione half-listened to her story, letting her thoughts have some room in her brain for a little while. Inevitably, they drifted to the witch on her left, and Hermione cast a quick glance in her direction. She felt better when she was next to Bellatrix, when they were making each other better, when Bellatrix looked into her eyes, or touched her in such a casual way, or was just there when she needed. Hermione felt her heart flutter as she cast another glance toward Bellatrix, earning a smile from the curly-haired beauty. Once again, she wondered why she was reacting this way to something so simple. But from Bellatrix, it was so meaningful.
Andromeda couldn't help but notice the repeated glances Hermione and her sister exchanged, and she wanted to pry, to find out what was going on between them. To her, it was very clear that they liked each other, but she had the sneaking suspicion that neither Hermione nor her sister had figured things out yet. At the very least, they hadn't acted on it. Part of her wanted to encourage them to tell each other, and part of her was scared of what might happen to Bellatrix. If things with Hermione didn't work out, her sister would be devastated, and she knew that a devastated Bellatrix was a dangerous one. There were so many uncertainties surrounding Hermione, and Andromeda knew she didn't have more than a fraction of the truth, she just hoped they would trust her so she could help if it came down to it.