Disclaimer: I own nothing except the OCs.

Further Disclaimer: In this story, we will see Hogan's Heroes get in over their heads. This is an experiment of sorts. If you don't like the idea of a story where they have to be saved, turn back now.

Chapter 1: A Romanian Aristocrat

This would probably be one of her easier assignments.

At least, here, she wouldn't have to put on a fake accent. All reports said the Kommandant and head guard of this place were dumb as a doorknob. No one could understand the perfect no-escape record. To her, though, it was perfectly obvious. Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one who'd made that observation. The last thing she wanted was for them to get to him before she did.

That was why she showed up on a sunny day.

HH

A civilian car pulled up in Stalag 13.

Hogan and his men wandered over to have a look. The person that got out was a very attractive brunette woman with a set of papers folded up under her arm. She looked around idly until Shultz eagerly came over to talk to her. It was almost amusing how he grinned at the pretty face. As she answered, she seemed entirely uninterested. That was even more amusing.

Shultz showed her up into the Kommandant's office.

'Kinch, is the coffee pot hooked up?' Hogan asked.

'Always is,' Kinch said.

'Let's find out who Klink's mystery guest is.' Hogan turned and led his men back into the Barracks. He and Kinch set up the coffee pot just in time to hear,

'Well, I'm not sure, Duchess,' Klink was saying. 'Stalag 13 is not a hotel. Are you sure you can't stay in town until the Count…er…no, I'm sure it's fine.'

From the sounds of that, Hogan would say this Duchess would have just delivered a death glare.

'Oh, an aristocrat,' Newkirk remarked sarcastically. 'Lovely!'

'We beheaded all of our aristocrats,' LeBeau said with a cheerful expression.

Newkirk looked at him. 'That's not something to be proud of, mate.'

Hogan listened as the Duchess spoke again.

'Now, look here, Kommandant,' the Duchess said. 'You should be honoured. The Count is coming here to inspect your Prisoner of War camp and see what makes a prison camp so escape-proof. As soon as he is finished with his other inspection, he shall be along.'

'Then might I ask why you came here ahead of him?' Klink asked.

'I was in the area,' the Duchess said. 'I was visiting my brother, stationed in France. The Count's an old friend.' There was the sound of her moving in the office. 'Now…I'm like to speak to your senior POW.'

Hogan noticed all his men glance at him, but ignored it.

'Col. Hogan?' Klink asked. 'But what for?'

(None of the Heroes were in the office, so none of them saw the Duchess smirk out the window as she heard the name. Klink and Shultz could only see her back.)

'I shall be here a little while,' the Duchess said. 'The last thing I need is nosy prisoners looking at me if I should wish to cross the yard for a cup of coffee. If I speak to their senior officer, he can tell them what I'm doing here.'

'Nice cover.' Hogan took his cap and pulled it on his head.

'You mean that's not why she wants to see you?' Carter asked.

'Of course not,' Hogan said. 'She hasn't used her name. She hasn't used the Count's name. She's up to something. She doesn't want anybody to be able to track them down later. She wants to check me out in person.'

'So, whose side is she on?' LeBeau asked.

'That remains to be seen,' Hogan said.

'Oh, that will be no problem,' Klink said. 'I can just order them not to bother you.'

'And you think they'll listen to you?' the Duchess asked doubtfully. 'You're the Kommandant of the German soldiers but, to them, you're their prison warden.' The order she gave was in a tone that brooked no argument. 'Get me this Col. Hogan.'

'Shultz, go get Hogan!' Klink's order came through the microphone.

HH

The Duchess had noticed several things.

The first thing she'd noticed was that Klink was a weak and flexible man. And she didn't mean "flexible" in a good way. She meant it like "malleable". There was no way a Kommandant like this would genuinely have control of an escape-proof prison camp. Most likely, he was kept around by the prisoners for their own convenience.

The bug on the picture of Adolf Hitler reinforced that idea. It was camouflaged in with the microphone on the picture. She wouldn't have noticed it if the feedback from the microphone hadn't gotten her attention. That was why she spent so much time looking out the window. She was looking to see where the cord for that bug went.

It went right into the ground.

Probably went down into the tunnels she'd detected under the camp.

Of course, there was no need to illuminate Klink to this.

The door swung open and a handsome man, probably somewhere in his 30s walked in. 'You wanted to see me, Colonel?' He threw him a lazy salute.

Klink didn't seem to notice. 'Hogan, we're going to have some important guests at Stalag 13 and I want you to make sure your men leave them alone!'

'I'm offended that you think my men would embarrass you like that, sir,' Col. Hogan said in complete deadpan.

So far, so good. Now it was time to test him. 'I hope not.' She stood up from her seat under the bug. 'Colonel, I'm the Duchess.'

He gave her a charming smile. It was one she'd seen before. This was the kind of smile of a man who liked the look of her. 'Does the Duchess have a name?'

He was flirting.

Well, no hurt in flirting back. 'It would be inappropriate for an unrelated person to call a Duchess by her first name.'

'Well, I don't know these things,' Hogan said smoothly. 'I'm a commoner.'

'You'd never know,' she said.

Hogan chuckled. 'Thank you.'

'Hogan.' Klink tried for reprimanding, but he sounded more whiny.

It gave her the perfect opening to start fishing for the information they absolutely needed. 'Ah, God knows how one can function like this.' She paused, as if she just thought of something and looked at Shultz as if she wouldn't expect a prisoner to know. 'Speaking of which, is there an Eastern Orthodox Church in the area?'

'Nein,' Shultz said. 'Only the Lutheran Church in town.'

'Hm.' The Duchess leaned on Klink's desk. 'I suppose Lutheranism is fairly prominent in this neck of the woods?' It was only after the phrase left her mouth that she considered that it wasn't an expression used around here. She'd picked it up from her parents, and from the very American family attorney.

Klink and Shultz didn't notice.

But Hogan had a good poker face. If not for a slight twitch in his eyes, she'd have never known that he'd picked it up.

'Of course,' Klink said. 'It's an old German religion.'

'Naturally,' the Duchess said. 'What about the prisoners?'

'I don't pry into a man's religion,' Hogan said.

'Fair enough.'

That was interesting, but not surprising. He hadn't risen to the bait at all. You mentioned religion and most people had something to say. Klink was already going off on a tangent about Lutheranism. Yet, Hogan looked positively bored at the subject matter. At the same time, he was watching her with just enough suspicion in his expression to satisfy her. He knew she'd been fishing. Of course, that made sense. Klink may have been an idiot, but the visiting brass wouldn't necessarily be. He had to be an above-decent manipulator himself to get away with what he did.

She'd have to contact the boys on the allied side to get her information.

'Yes, yes, yes,' the Duchess interrupted him. 'I didn't ask for an advocacy on the religion. Well, I think that'll do for now. I'm going to need to make a phone call.'

HH

Even as he hurried back to his Barracks, Hogan had noticed.

The Duchess's talk about religion had not been casual. She'd been fishing. Hogan didn't like it. Why was she fishing for region, of all things? The only explanation that jumped to mind was rumours he'd heard since the beginning of the war. He wasn't sure how true they were, but he wasn't dead confident that Crazy-Eyes wouldn't do it either.

As he walked back across to his Barracks, Hogan considered it. He'd heard that the Jewish population of Germany (among other minorities) had been forcibly removed from their homes once Hitler came to power, blamed for Germany's loss of the last war, and dumped in Ghettos. He'd heard that the people in those Ghettos then slowly disappeared without a trace.

Was the Duchess seeking out allied Jews?

At any rate, once she saw he wasn't going to bite, she'd stopped fishing. She'd recognised that her tactics weren't going to work, so she stopped. What her next plan of attack was, he didn't know, but he had full intentions to find out. Hogan quickly walked into the Barracks and then into his office.

Kinch already had the phone tap going.

But they couldn't understand a word of it.