Here's the next chapter...I know you guys weren't to happy with the last one, so I thought the Hell with it. So here's another chapter. Yep. This is it. Yeah I'm gonna shut up now.

Rated: T ( Yeah I'm still a teen, and I'm sure having fun living with it )

Disclaimer: Don't own the Twilight series. Sucks I know. Though I might buy it when I'm older then make some remakes. Ha- Nah I'm not going to be that rich.

Summary: White Roses were the purest of them all. They symbolize love, peace and promise. Yet Bella just didn't understand how this white Rose had been tainted black.

Pairings: Bella/Rosalie, Little bit of Bella/Edward, Emmett/Casey, Jasper/Alice, Esme/Carlisle, those are just the main ones for now.

If I Lose Myself

"Rosalie you have to come. It's her birthday, and I know the pull is becoming too much for you."

The blonde sighed and leaned against the counter top. This wasn't right. She had abandoned Bella, her mate. She had thought it was the right thing to do; for everyone's sake. By leaving she could control herself better, and it was going well on that portion. Yet she couldn't help the anger that surged when she pictured Edward being in close proximity with Bella. She had chosen to lock herself inside the small cabin she had purchased years ago. It was perfect, secluded in the area, miles away from the town, and it gave her some sense of comfort. It was perfect, but at the moment it only served to further drive her into a small depression. She wanted to leave, go home with her family, and see the girl that is inevitable to avoid.

"She misses you, she's confused why she does, but I see the sadness that clouds her when she passes your door. Jasper says that she's not even trying to hide her discomfort when she's with Edward."

Rosalie shook her head, and gripped the counter top. It's been four days, she shouldn't be feeling an effects of the bond yet. Bella shouldn't be so in tune with her.

"The bond is stronger than you think Rose." Alice whispered softly.

That was what she was afraid of. If Alice could see it, then it wasn't just her imagination. The bond was strong almost as one of an actual vampire pairs. Jasper had explained that when a vampire finds their mate in a human the human would at the very least feel just a small tug. Not enough to alert them, but they'd still be able to feel it. He had said that he had never encountered one were time apart from each other the human would feel the effects.

"We miss you Rose. She agreed to come to the house to celebrate with us...and I think you should be here. She'd be hurt if you didn't show."

Alice decided to leave out that Bella had asked her if Rosalie would be there, and when Alice told her she couldn't be to sure that Bella's face fell just a little. Or the hopeful eyes that came with the question. Rosalie didn't need to know that. Silence fell over the pair, and Alice waited patiently.

"It's an hour drive."

Bella paused while on her way towards Edwards room. Her eyes trailed over every detail of the door, engraving it into her mind. When her hands came in contact with the golden doorknob she frowned and leaned her head against the white frame. She took in a drag of breath and almost called out the name, only to remember that the occupant wasn't currently here. Bella stepped away hand lingering on the handle just a bit longer. She shook her head remembering that Rosalie isn't here, and she shouldn't be doing this. That she shouldn't be missing the blonde, that she didn't know much about the observant vampire. They weren't close, but she found herself missing Rosalie. She would even smile if she saw that scowl that seemed to never leave the girls features.

She was hurt Rosalie had left so suddenly, she had no reason or right to be angry at the blonde. So why was she feeling so betrayed, why was she feeling the anxiety of Rosalie never coming back? It didn't help that she's been having nightmares of just that Rosalie would never return. She'd be sitting next to the blonde, and everything would be fine, just the two of them. Then she'd be staring right at Rosalie and it shouldn't be so quick, and faster than a blink of an eye Rosalie would dissappear. Just gone into thin air and Bella could still feel the anxiety she felt when she called for the blonde and was met with silence. Nothing. Rosalie had just gone, and Bella had searched everywhere calling out her name frantically.

Turning away from the door she pushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. Bella blinked a few times before continuing her way down the hall. When she entered the room Edward was standing just a few feet away from her, sending her an intense look. She averted her eyes and the guilt started settling in. She had been pushing him away and she didn't even know why. He hadn't done anything wrong, everything was the same. Nothing had changed, but the past few days she's been feeling a bit angry at him. Like he had done something, and she had thought for hours on what he could have done. There was nothing that came to mind and that disturbed her.

"Hey,"

She mumbled lamely. Edward nodded in greeting, and he continued bluntly staring. She shifted and for the first time since they met she's withering uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Alice says she's going to take you home to get ready for tonight. I'll pick you up tonight."

She nodded and hesitates on her next question. For she feels as though it'd be wrong to ask him, but she shakes the feeling off.

"Will- is Rosalie going to be coming back?"

Edward frowns, and Bella feels like she had just made a mistake. Before she could tell him never mind he's in front of her wearing a paied expression.

"Does it matter?"

He's eyeing her now. With a look that is completely unsettling on her side, so she averts her gaze to the floor. Feeling the need to prove a point to him, she takes a step forward and pushes her lips on his. He returns it with force; more force than she's used to and it hurts. She pulls away gasping for air. Bella stares at him in shock, and watches as his eyes darken in seconds. He takes a step closer to her and his arms are gripping her shoulders she's about to call out how much it hurts, but Alice is standing next to her and she's pushing Edward back.

"Edward!"

He's sending Bella a pained frown, and she takes a step towards him. He's out the door before she can even speak. She wants to cry but she swallows the lump in her throat. It wasn't a secret he had such a hard time resisting her blood, but it away hurt her when he fled. Not so much because of the way, but th reason. His face always held so much pain and fear. Edward was hurting because of her, her blood, and she knew she couldn't change the fact that her blood seemed to smell abnormally enhanced, but she could change the fact she had it flowing in her system.

She wanted to ease his pain, and her own. By becoming one of them he wouldn't have to go through smelling her scent, and she wouldn't have to have the pain of leaving him alone due to old age, or any death. Bella wanted to be changed; for him, she wanted to help him, but he won't let her. He's done so much for her, and she wanted to repay him back in the fullest.

Feeling the familiar burning sensation aching at the back of her throat, and she ruffles her hair one more time before turning to face Alice. She ignores the somber look she's receiving and decides to go home now.

Bella shifted her feet and started tugging on the hem of her dress. She stared at the large photo taking over nearly the entire wall. It was a painting one that had to be at least a hundred years old, well seeing as the cloths were very much the eighteen hundreds. Hey eye's scanned over the people in the painting, and landed on one man in particular. Out of the four he was the one she instantly recognized; Carlisle. He was standing next to three others looking over a balcony onto a sea of people dressed similar to them. She wouldn't have guessed them to be any different from Carlisle, but there blood red eye's told her different. They were human feeders, she tried to ponder over the thought as to why Carlisle would be with them while he drank off the blood of animals. She hadn't seen any of the men before, and she wondered why no one had spoken about them.

The way they looked over the people with such higher regards, as if they were far more important; they just to screamed royalty. Her thoughts were interrupted when Edward stepped beside her gazing at the picture as well.

"The Volturi. Closet of our kinds Royalty."

He hadn't spoken a word to her since she left, and she guessed this was his way of moving on. Not being one to deny him anything she nodded pointing to the man who she already assumed as the coven leader.

"Is that Carisle?"

"Yeah, he lived with them for a few decades. Described them as very refined, no respect for human life of course. They had respects for the arts and the science at least, and the law..."

She glanced his way curiosity clouding her eyes. He had never spoken about the Volturi; this was something that he hadn't given her information regarding how the vampire world worked, and it set her off just a little. Though she suppressed the feeling. This was what she wanted. She wanted him to tell her more about vampires, to open up just a little. Not keep her in dark like she was some child that didn't need to know all of the world's corruptions. He was keeping her from knowing what happens while everyone lived in blissful ignorance.

"Vampires have laws?"

He cracked a small smile, and Bella felt one tugging at the corners of her lips. It was as though they moved in perfect synchronization; like they could feel just what the other could. They were infectious to each other; Bella had quickly decided that this was their sort of bond that they had created. This was the way Edward and Bella worked, she was sure they wouldn't be able to function without the other. She knew this for sure; this was just something that she had figured once time passed with them being together.

"Not many, there's only one that is regularly enforced."

He went mute, and out of the corner of her eye she watched as his faced twisted into a painful frown. Panic started building inside her when he didn't continue immediately. She was hesitant to ask, the budding suspicion settling in the pit of her stomach. Bella had some insight on what the answer to her next question would be; she just hoped that this time her assumptions were incorrect.

"What is it?"

He smirked and Bella blinked wondering if she was seeing right. When she opened her eyes to find him smirking she knew that her eyes weren't faulty.

"That we keep the existence of our kind a secret, we don't make spectacles of ourselves...don't kill conspicuously...unless of course you want to die."

Her chest ached at the thought of losing him for good. She wanted so badly to think that he was some impenetrable being, that had forever to Rome the eart, but even she knew that was such a naive way of thinking she could be with him forever. It was a possibility, yet the one option they had he chose do ignore, and throw away all attempts on just the subject.

"Don't say that - "

Her eyes shot to the pixi that had rudely invaded their conversation. Of course being in a house full of such enhanced hearing you had no privacy, but she still liked to pretend.

"It's time!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes when she heard the overexcited pixie enter Carisle's office. Only Alice could barge into a conversation without feeling like she imposed. Exiting her car at human speed Rosalie stopped just a few feet away from the doorstep. She could hear everyone as they spoke kindhearted words to Bella. Her shoulders relaxed when she caught scent of her mate, but instantly tensed when another familiar scent dipped into Bella's. It wasn't all of a surprise when Edwards scent nearly overpowered Bella's. Her senses were still set into overdrive due to the information she had heard just days before. The beast inside her trying to take control and take down the threat that stood mere inches away from her mate.

She hated the scenarios that filled her mind while she was away, and it was taking almost all of her self control not to decapitate Edward. It would take her no less than three seconds to reach him, and even less seeing as she had her speed as a surprise attack. It would be so easy, and the thought crossed her mind plenty of times in the seconds she stood hearing her family converse with each other. Yet the lingering scent that snuck past her nostrils were enough to keep her in control. Rosalie stopped her breathing when Edward soon filled her nose, and she took slow hesitant steps; choosing her movements very carefully, before entering the two story house.

Rosalie heard and saw Emmett before he was even three feet within her radius, and it angered her because he knew she hated being rushed into any physical contact. Before he could even be surprised she quickly flung him back with a little too much force than she should have. His back met with the long hall that wall that appeared upon entrance the loud cracking of the foundation reaching everyone's ears.

"Emmett I told you not to do that, you know how much she hates unnecessary contact." Alice appeared in front of Rosalie supporting a happy grin, and enveloping her into a short hug.

"This house was not built to withstand so much force Rosalie!"

Rosalie smirked when she caught sight of the smile adorning Esme's lips. She would be fixing the wall herself, and they both knew it, but she's missed the loving women that she has filled the hole of her mother.

"It's great to have you back." She tightened her grip on the older women at the low wispher. It's been hasn't been long, but she's missed being in the arms of someone who she knows cares for her unconditionally.

"Really Rose? That was a little too much don't you think."

Rosalie rolled her eyes when she heard a few groans coming from the big man. It wasn't as though he could feel much pain.

"I would have Casey kick your ass, but it sucks when I know she'll be the one who's- "

"You'd think I'll actually defend you for being such an idiot, next time I won't even bat an eyelash when she body slams you out the window."

Rosalie nodded towards the newest member of the coven; they weren't very close, but she still held much respect for the girl. She hesitated when they started to file back into the den. Alice turned and sent her an encouraging smile before linking their arms together. She had heard Edward tell Bella about her arrival, but the human had gone completely silent giving no response. It was then Rosalie wondered if Bella had actually felt the pull, or was just saddened by the thought of the two pausing whatever they had been trying to do. Even she couldn't figure out what exactly Bella was trying to prove by trying.

"Rosalie."

She politely smiled Carisle's way, but chose to stay put in her spot. Hey gaze trained on the couple that seemed very intent on avoiding making any eye contact. She had anticipated this from Bella, but she had thought that Edward would at least acknowledge her presence. Jasper cleared his throat, and tried to smile through his pained expression. Rosalie looked his way, and nodded when he sent her an apologizing frown. He didn't want to come in contact with her, and she understood; she wouldn't want to feel so much overwhelming emotions with just one hug.

Edwards eyes snapped to her's and she frowned when he tilted his head in concentration. She knew that look and she scowled when she felt oddly exposed inside. He was trying to find out something. What he was searching for she didn't know exactly, but she immediately exchanged her thoughts into translation. He hadn't learned Russian, and but he continued to try and break down her mind. She growled and her eyes landed on the arm he had wrapped protectively around Bella. Her legs twitched, but Alice stood by her side arm gripping her shoulders tightly.

"Hello Bella...Edward."

She nodded curtly, and Bella glanced her way before averting her eyes back to the floor. Rosalie frowned and turned to face the rest of her unusually quiet family.

"Rosalie."

Their eyes locked for a split second and Bella could feel a small blush creeping up her neck, making Edward tense just a little. A sense of warmth invaded her mind when Bella sent her a small smile. One that didn't outshine the relief in her eyes.

"Present time."

Alice chirped beside her, and Rosalie tensed when she felt the pixies arms leave her own. She didn't like being able to move so freely, with some of the thoughts clouding her mind she was afraid that even her actions were very unpredictable right now.

"Rosalie you first."

The blonde rolled her eyes when everyone turned to stare at her with uneasy frowns. Pulling out the small box from her jacket pocket she held the item out for Bella to take. Bella simply stared at the blonde as if she was crazy, but Rosalie huffed in annoyance, and Bella hesitantly took the box sending her a questioning frown.

"Rosalie you didn't have-"

"It's a necklace I picked it up earlier." Rosalie muttered.

Bella seemed to accept the fact that Rosalie wasn't going to argue, but Rosalie wouldn't have minded. If that was what it took for Bella to even speak to her, then she would.

"Emmett next!" Rosalie shifted her gaze to the large rectangular box wrapped neatly. She didn't want to know what was wrapped inside; but his goofy grin spiked her curiosity, even more so when Bella shook the box and nothing shifted. She smirked when Bella raised an amused eyebrow his way. He laughed.

"I thought you'd like something for that piece of cr - " Bella sent him a playful glare.

"Hey, don't trash talk my truck." He smirked, and sent Rosalie a small glance.

"I was figured Rosalie could install it, seeing as no one is a mechanical genius, like her, so I put it up in her room for safe keeping."

Her eyes snapped his way, and she took a menacing step towards him. She had a feeling he had done something wrong, by the tone in his voice.

"How many times have I told you to stay out of my roo - "

"Here's Carisle's and Esme's gift."

Rosalie pursed her lips and chose to glare at the wall behind Emmett. Alice had cut her off, and Rosalie hated being interrupted; it was one of the many things that could set off her temper, but tonight wasn't about her, or her pet peeves. This was about Bella, the one night the girl had dedicated to her, and Rosalie wasn't going to spoil it with her rash actions.

"It's uh - paper cut."

Her eyes snapped to the open wound, her body reacted before her brain could process the fast movements. She didn't have time to see the shocked expressions of her family, Rosalie needed to protect. She needed to protect Bella from Edward, though she didn't understand why Edward had pushed Bella back into the table siting a few feet back; she didn't need to because she had lost all sense of control by then. Something shifted inside her when she found that Jasper had been ready to pounce on Bella, that wasn't what stirred her senses; it was when she realized Edward wasn't protecting Bella for her own safety. No he was protecting his pry. In that moment he didn't care how much of Bella's blood was spilled.

"Rosalie!"

Her mind was foggy, nothing seemed clear all coherent thoughts lost. When her fingers met with Edwards neck she didn't hesitant to push him into the nearest wall, following with him. She didn't care for his well being, all she cared for was Bella. Her mate, and her drive to protect the one thing that was created for her protection. She felt the desperate grips trying to rip her away from Edward and that further angered her. They were trying to stop her from doing what was needed. Edward needed to be punished, he deserved to be in pain; he was the threat that was detected by her instincts.

She watched as her hands fist came in contact with anything she could see that was apart of Edward. He gripped at her shoulders threatening to push her away, and that only served for another surge of anger within her. This wasn't enough. She wasn't satisfied by the healing cracks on his face, she craved more; Rosalie wanted more. She wanted to hear him screaming as she decapitated anything she could get her hands on. She took his head in her hands, feeling a small resistance as she pulled.

"Rose, St - Stop! Please."

She paused when the distressed voice of her mate filled her ears. Rosalie snapped her attention to the fearful expression, and concerned eyes. Her eyes traveled down to the small hand clutching the large cut with supporting a reasonable amount of blood. Ripping away from Edward, Rosalie flashed to her mate and tightened a hand around the wound. She ignored the way Bella flinched and stared blankly at the amount of blood. She heard warning growls being raised. It was then she was aware of all of the threats that surrounded the human. Crouching in front of Bella, Rosalie let the rumbling in her chest free. Edward was being dragged away by Emmett and Casey, and she assumed Jasper had fled. When Carisle took a small step forward she growled halting his movements. They were her family, but now in her eyes they were the enemy.

"I need to take a look at her wounds Rosalie." Carisle spoke softly, Rosalie snarled.

"Carlisle she isn't thinking straight, her thoughts are on Bella's safety. She can clean stitch it up herself, just back away slowly. Any sudden movements will set her off."

Rosalie watched Esme, and Carlisle exchange small questioning frowns. Doing as told Carisle at human pace backtrack his steps. Esme sent a small look of assurance before leaving the den.

"We will help Emmett and Casey calm Edward - " He paused glancing towards Rosalie; when she did nothing but tense at the name, he continued.

"You may clean her wounds in my office, Alice if you don't mind cleaning things up. Make sure there isn't any blood lingering."

Alice nodded seemingly still in shock. She hadn't seen any of this happening. She had let this happen, she had slipped. She knew it once Rosalie's head snapped to her and her expression turning into a fine glare.

Yeah this was waaay longer than I intended it to be. I know you guys probably hate me for ending it right here, but if I didn't stop there I would have gone for another two thousand words. Man there's so much to do, so much to write, so many things that will go down in the next chapter. Just do me one favor yeah? Stay in tune for the next one folks.

Write Ya Later ;)