I know some of you guys don't like Bella acting like that...but I mean come on. I'm trying to be realistic. I mean as much as I don't like it, she actually loved the guy. She's not going to get over him in a few hours, and she does feel the mating bond. Even if it's just a little bit. I mean I've hinted it a lot now. Just read closer into the last few chapters...it's there and even in the third chapter it's hinted she subconsciously feels it a bit. I really loved that soul mate theory review. Dude that was pretty awesome long...but awesome review. Anyway...Let's get to it yeah?
Rated: T ( I haven't really changed this in a while so...Boom. Changed it.)
Disclaimer: Don't own the Twilight series. Ya know always cry myself to sleep just because of the fact that I don't own the Twilight series. Haven't updated this either...but some things don't change. ( Sigh )
Summary: White Roses were the purest of them all. They symbolize love, peace and promise. Yet Bella just didn't understand how this white Rose had been tainted black.
Pairings: Bella/Rosalie, Little bit of Bella/Edward, Emmett/Casey, Jasper/Alice, Esme/Carlisle, those are just the main ones for now. Yep updating them all...tell me what other couples you'd like to see make an appearance.
Lock Me Up
It should bother her she thinks. To feel so attached to Edwards sister after he's only been gone for two weeks. In fact she thinks she shouldn't feel so calm whenever Rosalie was around her. She should still be in the state of mind she was in the second day Edward left; right? He was her everything, her first love, her protection, her mind set, anything that made any normal human function. So normally it would take months even some years for someone to get over their first everything. She was far from forgetting him and everything he did for her, but somthing was wrong in her opinion. Edward was someone she had thought would last a lifetime.
She had been quick to assume they were perfect for each other. That they had the exact type of love that stuck around forever, they one that could only be described as soul mates. She had thought he would over come his thirst for her blood, because 'love conquers all' that's the saying right? They would overcome every obstacle that was set in front of them. Him being something inhuman and her being the very human it's self didn't apply to them. That was just one mere thing that they would overcome. They had made the connection the moment the laid eyes on each other...right? She loved him and he loved her. That's all there is to justify just how perfect they were for each other.
Yet there was also the fact that he left. The utter fact of how naive Bella was actually being. It frustrated her that she had ignorantly ignored all of the obvious flaws their relationship was based on. They were unhealthy infatuated with one another from the start, and in the midst of that they fell in love. Just the infatuation alone was bound to make it's mark during the future. She didn't think everything else would come crashing down on the both of them. Consuming them until it all became too much to handle. That was their downfall yeah? Yes it was. The connection. It had blinded them both. They had been ignorant to the fact that there was both the fact that she was drawn to him because of the inhuman factor he supported, and him her odd sweet scent of her blood.
They were based on false hope and love. It was bound to snatch them out of their own worldly hope that they would overcome the obvious wrongful wishing they had. His leave was something that she would never forget, and never take for granted. It pained her, but now she understood his mindful thoughts. They had a connection but it wasn't one she had anticipated. It wasn't a true love's connection. It was a fascination based connection. They were both intrigued by one another, and he must have known that when he made the decision to leave her. They weren't meant to be with one another, no they weren't soul-mates. They unluckily fell in love with someone they were not supposed to love, and for that it brought them the pain of letting each other go.
With that he's still someone very important to Bella, and she can't help but feel guilty that he was somewhere in pain all alone. While she was here with his family...his sister, who relived her of the pain that they had brought upon each other.
Rosalie helped her. She was still helping her and Bella felt as though she was missing something. That there was something she had missed that the entire family was keeping from her. Caught up in just the thought of being alone, she had failed to acknowledge the events that had lead up to the pain she was feeling. Even knowing she was missing important facts about the events that happened a few weeks ago. Bella still chose to ignore the obvious questions it raised, and she had a perfect excuse for it. It was complicated. Something very important was blocking the reasons for her knowledge. She felt as though once someone confirmed her suspicion it would change everything...and that was her excuse. She wasn't ready for change.
She didn't think she could handle anymore change. Edward was a huge factor in her life and him leaving changed everything. In the moment she couldn't handle anymore change. Maybe she would be able to in the future, but as of now she wasn't.
"Bella are you going to come in or not?" Alice grinned, holding the door open.
Frowning Bella nodded quickly walking past the small vampire. It wasn't healthy to space out so much as she did, and that worried her. You could say she was doing better...not fine but she was trying. She wasn't as lost anymore, she was at least keeping an eye on her nutrition, and she was speaking again. Maybe not a lot, but she was getting there.
She had started working on the overdue assignments and it was a possibility she would be able to become a senior, though it wasn't set in stone. If she wasn't working on homework at home she was either at the Cullen Manor, or the meadow. Yes it was dangerous for her to venture off alone especially in such a secluded area in the forest, but she wasn't worried. She didn't feel threatened at all because she knew at least one of the Cullen's were always watching over her. Bella felt she didn't need the extra watch, but never spoke anything about it. She came to the conclusion that they were only reassuring themselves that she was okay and in no danger. She did owe that to them seeing as she was currently avoiding talking to all of them...aside from Rosalie that is.
She didn't like the idea of avoiding the other members of the family. She actually very much hated it, but she couldn't help it. She only felt comfortable being around the blonde, and if she was being completely honest Rosalie is the one person who wasn't pushing her. Everyone else was so caught up in the idea that she'd be fine in just a few weeks. That the depressed state she wasn't in would just disappear over night, that she would snap back into the old Bella, and she hated that.
While none of the Cullen's spoke their discomfort about Edward missing Rosalie did. She let Bella know how his leave was affecting everyone, and she was grateful for that. Rosalie wasn't sugar coating this for her. She was letting Bella know what was happening. She wasn't afraid she would break down in tears at the mention of his name. Yes he was a sore spot for her, but Rosalie was okay with it. She held Bella whenever she just suddenly broke in a spur of unstoppable tears.
"You already know where Rose is." Alice spoke skipping off upstairs.
When she said she spent some of her time at the Cullen Manor she should have specified it. She spent a lot of time here, but it wasn't spent in the house it's self. No it was in the garage, the one place she seemed to always find the blonde of the family. The day after her hospital visit she had actually came here after school looking for the blonde vampire, and ever since then it seemed that the garage was the only place Rosalie seemed to be.
Entering the seven car garage Bella felt that odd buzz she had started getting whenever she was a few seconds away from the blonde. The corners of her lips lifted without her consent as she caught sight of Rosalie looking intently around the shelves. Her breathing hitched when those familiar golden eyes snapped to meet her's. Bella sent her a small smile and when she received that very same one she's grown accustomed to her breathing became just a little heavier. They stared for a few seconds longer before Bella moved towards her seat on top of the ranger rover parked just a few feet away from the blonde's current position.
"The music seems a bit old." She joked awkwardly, gaining a small eye roll in response.
"I think you've forgotten just how old I truly am." Rosalie replied, grabbing what seemed to be a few tools Bella couldn't identify from the shelf. Frowning Bella shook her head in protest.
"I can't forget something I never knew." She muttered softly.
It was true. Bella didn't know anything about the blonde. She was even oblivious to the girls age; it reminded her just how far apart they were. They were on a fast track at growing closer, and that's all that Bella wanted from the blonde vampire. She wanted them to be close, while Edward used played a part in her reasoning; she couldn't help the feeling of guilt when she thought about it. Here she was asking for Rosalie's help when she knew next to nothing about the blonde. Rosalie was dealing with all of her baggage when she didn't even have to. When nearly three months ago she was still trying to avoid Bella to the best of her ability. It was amazing how they hadn't acknowledge the fact that they spent most of their time with each other when just weeks ago they would barley speak a word to one another. Even more so when she realized just how comfortable they were around each other. Shifting her position Bella watched as Rosalie silently worked on Emmet's jeep.
"We're friends right?" She winced. The sentence sounded completely foreign, and all out wrong. Something felt off, just speaking the words to Rosalie made her a little uneasy.
"I would like to think so."
Bella frowned towards the blonde. She hadn't turned to face her yet but she could tell from her voice she was frowning herself. Shaking her head Bella took the moment of silence to heart. This was the first time they've been together and had an uncomfortable silence pass over. It made her sick, her stomach was flipping in unpleasant waves. She didn't know if she asked the question the wrong way, or if she hadn't spoken it with much confidence. Whatever she had done wrong she wished she could take it back. She tried to shake off how void and almost empty Rosalie's response sounded. She wanted to fix it.
"Rosalie...There's - Whatever weird friendship we have I'm fine with it. It's just were getting so close to each other, but there's still this huge wall blocking us from each other."
Rosalie tensed and Bella sighed in frustration. She knew what that posture meant, she had seen it far too many times. It could either mean one or two things. Either Rosalie was going to turn into that Rosalie everyone else saw, or completely shut down. She hasn't seen the side of Rosalie no one saw for long, and Rosalie was a complete puzzle; that was hard to put together, but Bella could tell the blonde was slowly letting down her gaurd.
"Do you trust me Bella?" Rosalie asked halting her movements from attending to the truck.
Bella frowned. It was an innocent question that should be pondered over very carefully. Trust wasn't something that should be taken lightly. As much as this generation flaunted it around thinking it was something that could be tossed around without care; it made Bella wonder just what it meant to trust someone. How it felt. Trust was something that went deeper than just telling someone just that. It was almost like a bond. It meant you connected with someone on a level that became even unexplainable to yourself. She thought throughly what it should and shouldn't be.
You shouldn't have to put yourself in a position where someone asked you the very question, and you were to just stare at the person quizzically. A moment of silence after the questions been asked meant you hesitated. That even if you were to answer 'yes' the answer itself would have been in that beat of silence. Trust wasn't something that was felt on a daily basis. You don't just meet someone everyday you could put your deepest worries in. It was something to find someone to trust but it was another thing to feel that true connection. The one where you felt so attuned to someone. It wasn't just telling that person you're darkest secrets on some Friday night. It was deeper than that. Taking a moment to really look at the blonde Bella paused.
Did she trust Rosalie? Did she feel that undeniable safety? The one where she felt she could put everything into the blonde without worry. Did she feel that odd yet comforting sense of assurance? She didn't want to tell the blonde wrong, Rosalie deserved the truth. In all truth Bella wasn't sure she even knew the true meaning of trusting somone. There hasn't been many people she was willingly comfortable in her life, and she's always avoided any human interaction to the best of her ability. So did that make her a unlikely candidate for truly feeling any true connections? Yes it did, and she parted her lips to give an honest answer, but it automatically snapped shut when their eyes locked.
She felt that she should think her answer over just a little more. This moment felt oddly big. That this was something that couldn't be backtracked. That once she's given her answer it could either further make progress or take away from what they've accomplished. They stared, and stared never breaking away. Bella looked as if trying to find something, and she didn't even know what herself, and when Rosalie refused to look away Bella felt the air shift. It took her a moment, but she found her answer. The foreign sense of security washed over her and for once Bella was sure she found some sense of truth.
"Yes."
And she had never been so sure of anything in her entire life.
Rosalie turned away after a few seconds and Bella's eyebrows dipped in rejection. The feeling she had long since grown accustomed to made way inside her chest. Her entire body once again felt numb, but this time it felt almost wrong. This feeling hadn't made its self present when around Rosalie, and that made it worse. Rosalie was her one moment of assurance. Her last and only seconds of normalcy...or what was close to it. So she watched. She watched as Rosalie took a towle and carefully cleaned her hands. The sight hurt, but Bella couldn't seem to tear her gaze away. Rosalie was aware of her eyes and Bella was sure of that, and the painfully slow way Rosalie decided to walk towards the still playing radio made her chest clench. Bella tried to remind herself that Rosalie would respond back. That she wouldn't leave her feeling like this.
"Rose..." Her voice was desperate, and Bella couldn't bring herself to care. Though it did catch the vampires attention she didn't turn away from the radio.
She was painfully aware of the newly found silence. It was defining how could she not hear it. And when the sound of music filled her ears it did nothing to take that painful silence away. After a few moments she tore her eyes away from the blonde's figure. Tears started burning at her eyelids but for the first time; she refused to let them fall. It she did, then that made this moment all to real. So she did her best to hold them in while the silence begged for the opposite.
"Bella." Her voice was soft and very close but Bella kept her gaze trained on the solid ground.
She blinked and it took her a moment to adjust to the sight. Her eyes traveled up the outstretched hand and locked on golden orbs. Rosalie was smiling at her and Bella tried to ignore the way her heart beat picked up speed. After a few breathing attempts she all but gave up trying to calm her erratically beating heart. She simply stared at the blonde because she was positive Rosalie could hear just how fast it was pulsing.
Yet Rosalie just stood a small smile plastered on her lips a hand still outstretched. Bella shook her head declining the offer, but on it's own accord her hand grasped Rosalie's. The very same sensation she felt while sitting on that hospital bed a few days ago returned. Bella let it happen this time. She let the feeling take over until her mind was left in a day fog. It should scare her really. Having being completely unaware of everything at the moment, and she had confessed to fearing the exact thing. Yet somehow this was different. No she could tell exactly what was so different about the feeling this time. This time she was aware...Yet she wasn't. The one thing she was aware of was the blonde trying to guide her slowly. It was as though Rosalie had taken complete control over her senses...and she was okay with that.
"I have two left feet Rosalie." She mumbled lamely when she stepped on the vampires right foot.
"You trust me, and I can assure you I won't be able to feel anything." Sighing softly Bella kept her eyes locked on the blonde's face while said girl took the lead.
They were close. Closer than they've ever been. So close in fact Bella could smell the girls scent. Her shoulders relaxed once the smell hit her nose. It was some twisted scent of strawberries, lavender, and a faint smell of coconut. As odd of a mixture it was Bella didn't think she had smelled something so intoxicating. It was so inviting and Bella unconsciously shifted a bit closer. The scent of Rosalie was making her mind even more foggy than it already was, and she gladly accepted the effects. It had slowed her heart rate; by just a little, but still severed the unhealthy rate. Rosalie locked there hands together and moved her right arm to rest on the neck of her back. From the few tv shows she could recall Bella laid her hand on the blonde's shoulder. The radio hadn't started any song just yet, but Rosalie still swayed them to the commercials slowly.
"I totally would have killed your feet by now, if you were human." Rosalie laughed, and Bella felt a smile of her own coming.
"Then I guess losing so many things to become immortal wasn't a complete waste."
It was spoken sarcastically and meant to be a humor, but Bella could hear a tad bit of resentment. She frowned. Her throat caught and she could barley get out her next few words. Rosalie always made small comments like that; Bella was sure they weren't directed towards anyone in particular; in fact she was positive they were just a small way for Rosalie to vent vocally. While none of the family minded the comments Bella could see the way the blonde seemed to deflate a little when she did say something like that.
She says I smell like safety and home
I named both of her eyes 'Forever' and 'Please don't go'
Like right now, there was a faint look of vacancy in those golden eyes. There was no over looking that. Rosalie missed being human. Bella could make that out perfectly. If she knew one thing about Rosalie them she Bella figured the blonde hated what she was forced into. While she didn't know the entire story; Bella had been told out of everyone in the family it was Rosalie who hated what she had become.
"You're warm." She wisphered.
This was something that had completely slipped her mind. She didn't exactly know how somthing this big managed to get away from her, but she remembered. More specifically she could feel it. Rosalie's touch brought warmth, it felt human; different...warmer even. It was still a bit startling since she had grown accustomed to Edwards freezing temperature, and it was still hard to wrap her head around the fact that a vampire was warm, but she had gladly accepted the newly found warmth. It reminded her that she still felt something, that she wasn't a completely emotionally drained.
"Bella..." Rosalie drawled out worriedly.
I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time yeah
This could be good, this could be good
It made Bella laugh a little. She must sound completely insane to the vampire. Who she should keep in mind thinks she's a walking blizzard; when she was the exact opposite.
"Don't do that, I'm not going crazy. At the hospital I felt it, but I mean It could've been just the drugs so I guess it kind of my slipped my mind."
Bella waited for a response. Rosalie seemed to be deep in thought, and Bella took advantage of the moment. She hesitantly broke their grasp on each other choosing to lean into the blonde. It wasn't until Bella wrapped her arms around her waist did Rosalie seem to snap out of her thoughts. For a moment she tensed in fear she was taking advantage of the still recovering brunette.
"It's not a bad thing to relax Rose." Bella muttered just a second from pulling away. She knew it was a intimate position, but in all honesty she didn't think Rosalie would mind.
While it was stated clearly that Rosalie hated to be touched or just didn't like physical contact at all Bella had figured the rule didn't very much apply to her. Over the last few days Rosalie had been the one to initiate the contact. Whether it was because she felt that Bella craved contact with someone, or if she was b pushing away her own comfort for Bella's sake. She didn't know, but touching hadn't been much of an issue with the two of them. It seemed that now if they were both within ten feet of each without being occupied they were close. It could just simply be their arms touching, or sometimes if Bella had one of her 'moments' they'd push all boundaries aside and seemingly clasp their hands together. Though they hadn't really been this close, Bella felt she didn't need to ask permission to initiate this type of contact. Just when she was about to pull away Bella felt Rosalie tighten her hold; causing Bella to sink into the embrace.
"Bella I'm sorry I wasn't there." Bella shook her head.
She didn't blame Rosalie. She couldn't...not when the blonde was trying to help and Bella had practically screamed for her to leave her alone.
She was in a daze. Her mind was foggy, and her head ached. She didn't want to remember anything that happened the day prior. The only reminder that he had actually left was the recurring nightmare she had been having. She hadn't gotten much sleep due to the dreams and she was exhausted, but she wanted to look for him. To find Edward and assure him that it was all okay, that it would all be okay once he turned her. She didn't remember much after he left, only bit and pieces. She could make out only fragments of Rosalie's face as she brought her home at humans pace. It took a few minutes to calm her down and had taken up to trying to thrash away from Rosalie's grip as much as possible, but Rosalie had calmed her down.
And when she had Bella could remember the blonde wisphering a few incoherent wordsd into her ear, while she carried Bella in her arms. She could remember being completely numb and silent the entire walk. When they had reached the house Rosalie had laid her on the bed gently, and Bella could remember sitting on the bed and staring at the blonde with an unreadable look.
They had sat staring at one another for god knows how long, until Bella wordlessly laid down. She hadn't thought anything. Her mind was running a mile a minute for her to think that anything she was processing was plausible. It was on overdrive. She was thinking about Edward, the pain, the pained look on Rosalie's face, the way she wished she could sooth the blonde's pain, how she wished Edward would just return and that this was all some sick dream.
She could remember waking up cying countless times trying to shake off the previous nightmare that seemed all to real. The vivid dream had been perfectly etched inside her mind.
She had been screaming for Edward but he was slowly inching towards her his eyes dark as coal. He wasn't stopping no matter how loud and desperate her voice had gotten. He was almost close too, until a flash of blonde tackled him to the ground. Bella was frozen, to shocked to move. She was rooted to the ground as Rosalie tossed Edward around easily overpowering him. It was as if the blonde was at least twice as strong as Edward. Only when he was tossed into a nearby tree did she snap out her trance. His face was covered in cracks and her heart felt so heavy as if it could drop right out from it's own weight.
"Rosalie stop please! He didn't mean it, He'll get better. It'll be fine once he's turned me." Her voice had even surpassed desperation. Her throat was dry and hot tears streamed down her face.
Rosalie's head snapped in her direction, and Bella felt another wave of pain hit her with full force. Only this time it was worse. Rosalie looked so pained, heart broken. Bella tried to move, but she was rooted to her spot her arm stretched out towards the blonde. She was trying to reach for Rosalie. She wanted to make it better. She wanted to take the pain away from the both of them.
She could only watch in horror as Edward took control and flipped their position. She tried with all her power to run towards the pair, to stop them. Tears were streaming as Edward started pounding his fist into Rosalie. Bella tried pulling at her legs trying to force them into action, but she was stuck. Stuck as Rosalie stared at her with the same unwavering pained expression seemingly unfazed by Edwards force.
"Rosalie...Please. Edward s-Stop!" She was sobbing now. And that seemed to snap Edwards attention to her. She nearly crumbled at on the spot at Rosalie's decapitated body. She didn't even try to stop Edward as his lips met with her neck.
"Bella! Bella I'm right here! I'm here it's going to be fine. I'm right here...I promise." She sobbed into a shoulder. By her memory she solely based that voice on Rosalie's, and when she did indeed register the voice as the blonde's her grip tightened.
"Don't leave me Rosalie. Please don't leave. I can't take it. It'll hurt so much." Rosalie's voice was hard, but Bella heard the sobs forced back.
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
It was the last thing she had registered before her sobs became a little less to nothing. This time she wasn't plagued by nightmares. Nothing but darkness, but she was okay with that. Because she was vaguely aware of the body she was currently gripping.
When she woke just a few hours later she didn't know what had taken over her, but she was angry. Not the unknown angry. She knew exactly what she was angry at. It was plain and simple, she was angry at everything. Edward for leaving, Rosalie for not letting her go after him, herself, and most importantly because she awoke alone. She had woken up feeling the hard hitting after effects from the previous day. Exhausted, cold, numb, and an aching head. When her eyes scanned the room and landed on the blonde sitting at the computer chair facing the bed she lost it. Rosalie was staring at her agian. With the same pain filled eyes, watching her warily, full of worry. she panicked. Those eyes were too similar to the nightmare. It felt to real.
"Stop! Stop it. Please don't look at me like that!"
She was sobbing again, and not even a second later she felt arms wrap around her. They were warm and inviting, and she closed her eyes to savoir the feeling. But it was a mistake. As soon as she closed her eyes images of the dream instantly took over. She pictured Rosalie staring at her again. The painful look she had received. Shaking her head her eyes shot open. The grip tightened and she pushed away yelling all the while. Rosalie let her go, and Bella took the opportunity to scramble off the bed. She ducked away from Rosalie as she tried to come closer. She was looking at her again. The same look. Her heart hurt, her head was spinning, and the tears didn't seem to stop. She fought off any of the hands Rosalie tried to make contact with.
"Bella, please." Her voice was full of it. It was full of that same pain she had in her eyes. It hurt, and Bella couldn't take anymore.
"Leave! I can't, Rosalie please leave. I can't it hurts so much! I need to get better, please go." She was cried out pathetically. She covered her eyes; trying to shield them from the sight.
"I promised Bella, I can't leave you." She sshot up and she tried to push the blonde away. She tried to ignore the fact that Rosalie didn't bother to fight back.
"It's to much. Rosalie." She gave the blonde one last push out the door, locking it instantly. She slide down the door sobbing uncontrollably. She tried to force out the last image she had just seen. She tried to rid her mind of the shocked and pained expression Rosalie had just shown her. She cried until she heard faint hesitant steps backing away frome the door. It was then it became too much and she let the pain consume her. She let her mind shut down.
"It wasn't your fault." Bella wisphered, tightening her grip just a little more; finding comfort when Rosalie did the same.
"I didn't leave you alone." Rosalie murmured into the girls hair.
It was true. Rosalie hadn't left the girl alone entirely. She couldn't...her body wouldn't let her. The desperation in Bella's voice had driven her into near insanity. She wanted to soothe her mate, but Bella couldn't handle it. It was all too much for her to take in, and Rosalie partially understood that. So she had done something she could barley stand. After her talk with Charlie she had instantly taken place on the roof just above Bella's room. Trying to fight off the urge to go and take away her mate's pain. But she couldn't. Bella didn't want that, and she had done something very unimaginable. She had let her mate suffer, while she took in the request to stay away. She had sat just a few feet away from Bella while she heard the heartbreaking sobs coming from just below.
"You told me to stay away, and I did. But I couldn't leave you entirely alone. I had to watch over you. To protect you."
Rosalie received nothing but a few drops of tears staining through her shirt.
That will probably be the longest and I mean loongest chapter I will never and ever write. But hope that cleared a few things. Oh wait flashback was in ( Italics ) and flashback dreams in ( Italics Bold ) and Yep I have to update my other stories so I kinda wanted to hold you guys over until I do. Oh wait I was in the middle of writing this and BeastlyRedemption updated Thorns and Roses...So I would highly recommend reading that fic. It's amazing, so do me a favor? Review for me? Nah kidding go check out that story; you won't regret anything if you do. So...I'm out. Leave out your thoughts and such...and does any body know what's up with Rosalie being warm and all? ;)
Write Ya Later ;)