Originally posted on Christmas Day
Saying goodbye to Jiraiya is nothing new. You and him have made a tradition out of it. You walk with him to the gate mostly in silence as the weight of what he had to do hung over both you and him like a dark cloud. Today it just stung more. It's the week before Christmas. A time that's supposed to be about being around the ones you love. It won't be the same without him here. It'll be glum without him home to indulge in all the gushy lovey dovey things a couple can do during Christmas. It's your first Christmas with him. It's not supposed to be like this.
"I'll be home for New Years, okay?" He said.
"New Years?" You question. "You won't be home at all for Christmas?"
"Sorry. I don't think I can do my mission that quickly."
You drop your head to stare at the ground. That sucks. His hand blocks your vision from the white snowy ground. He places his fingertips on your chin and he pushes it up to force you to look at him. He doesn't look happy. He's smiling but it's a polite type of smile. A smile that says he doesn't like these circumstances either but he doesn't want to pout.
"I'll be home before you know it. I promise." Jiraiya attempts to reassure you.
It doesn't work very well. He can read you. You are still upset. He doesn't want to leave either, but he's gotta do what he's gotta do. Leaving this time of year sucks. Especially when his life is going to be on the line for most of the time. He'll think about you a lot. The pretty woman that made him glad to be around for the holidays.
One final kiss and he's off. As is tradition, he stops when he's just far enough away where all his features begin to get too fuzzy. He raises his arm and waves to you. You wave back. After that he is back off to blend into the snow. To travel farther away. Where he'll spend Christmas alone. Away from you. His friends. Away from everything he cares about.
Jiraiya lied. Each day felt long. It was lonely. He's not here and you can feel that. The house you share with him seems too echoey and cold. All the decorations he helped you put up for the holidays are a dull reminder that he's not here. He put up the tree. He fastened on an artificial bunch of mistletoe under the bedroom doorway and always pulled you under it for a kiss. Of course that always leads to more than just kissing.
For five days you kinda just bummed around. You finished wrapping up your final few presents and set them under the tree. There's some for you under there. Each one wrapped up with a surprising amount of finesse. With crisp sharp edges that are folded tightly and taped along the seams. Each one is finished with a bow. And of course the tags are written in an elegant way. In plain honesty Jiraiya is much better at gift wrapping than he'll ever admit. He gets flustered if you say anything about it. You've watched him once or twice. He must find it calming because he's quiet when he does it.
Alas you can't wallow in loneliness tonight thinking about how wonderful your boyfriend is at wrapping gifts. Some of Jiraiya's friends are having a get together and they invited you. It's supposed to be a casual thing. No gift exchanges. Just bring something to bring to the table and whatever you want to drink for the night. No one should be alone on Christmas. It's clear they didn't want you to be alone. A summon of a dog scratched at your door with a letter in its mouth with a kindly worded reminder that the party is tonight. But Jiraiya is all alone tonight. Out in the cold doing something dangerous.
After dragging yourself off of the floor before the tree, you get changed and gathered all you needed before heading out to the party. It's a little awkward. You aren't a shinobi. It's harder to relate to a group of shinobi when you aren't one of them. They are always nice to you. You are welcomed into a warm apartment that has the wonderful scent of the holidays. Spices, something is being roasted, chocolate. It's inviting. Even so it would be better with your partner beside you.
Guy insisted on hosting this year. Like he does with everything, it's a little over the top. The place is decorated to the nines. Almost to the point of being blinding to the eyes. He's dressed in a tacky festive sweater and almost collapsed your lung with his hug. You offer your sacrifice for the table, which was a platter of gingerbread cookies. He gladly sweeps it away from you to place it on the large table that was practically exploding with food already. It's a lot for a party of eight including you. Then again you've seen some of these people pack away double their body weight with food.
Guy is a rather excellent host. You sat down on the couch, which was situated close to the window, and he was offering you things. A plate of this. Have you tried that. He made hot chocolate from scratch and was quite proud to share it. That you accept.
"Great! With or without booze!"
"Uh.. with sounds good."
"Excellent choice! I'm a pro at mixology!"
He bolts off in his typical fashion, as if being chased by hell hounds.
"You might regret that choice."
You look over to see Kakashi casually sitting beside you. When did he get there? You saw him over by the table when you first came in. He's too sneaky for his own good sometimes. His eye lazily draws up from his book which is mounted in his hand to look at you. He's not the worst company to have.
"Why is that?" You amuse him and ask.
"Guy has a deceptively heavy hand. You'll be wasted before ten."
"By how I've seen him train, I'm not surprised that he doesn't measure by shots."
You swear you can see a smile beyond that mask. He finds you amusing at least. Out of all of Jiraiya's friends, Kakashi is the hardest to read. Lots of these people are surprisingly open. All except for him. He keeps to himself and doesn't show his face. Yet out of all of these people, he is someone you would trust with a secret. A warm drink is placed in your hand. You turn your gaze forward to be met by your lovely host.
"Thanks." You say simply.
"It was my pleasure!"
You are forced to scoot when Guy fancied himself a spot beside you. For a normally always energetic man, he looks worn out. Well worn out for Guy standards. He could probably still leap over everyone and do some kind of wild challenge no one put him up to. So here you are now. Sipping at a hot chocolate that tasted more like rum than chocolate whilst stuck between two men who are nice and all, they're just not your boyfriend.
"Have you heard from Lord Jiraiya?" Kakashi starts the conversation back up again.
"No." You reply. You try to stay neutral, but it does bum you out. You sigh and stare into your drink. "He doesn't usually contact me when he's out on duty."
"I see."
"That's okay though." Guy chirps in with his cheery optimism. "No news is always good news."
"Not always."
Sheesh. Aren't they chipper company. You are sitting between two opposing moods. Maybe the generously spiked drink is more of a godsend then a curse. You take a bigger swig. Perhaps some alcohol is needed to get through this Christmas Eve.
"May I ask you something?"
A growing sense of dread is building within you whenever Kakashi starts talking to you now. You take another drink before inviting the masked man to speak.
"What does Lord Jiraiya see in you? I don't mean to be rude, you are just nothing similar to his previous partners."
Was that insulting? It felt insulting. It is a valid question.. kinda. It's a loaded question. There's no simple answer to such a complicated question. Kakashi's tone wasn't rude, it was a genuine interest. He said it like he was asking you something academic. Guy was offended for you as he scolded his friend for being insensitive.
"It's okay. I guess I am different from all the other girls Jiraiya has been with." You agree... to an extent. "But maybe that's a good thing. If those girls didn't work for him, then he's trying something new. And I can assure you that it's going well."
You finish your drink and stand. Kakashi offers you an apology. He really didn't mean anything by it, it was just a curious question. A curious question that a lot of people must have. You tend to keep to yourself. Meeting new people is hard. Kakashi was the first one who had the brass to actually ask.
The warm air suddenly feels stuffy. It's too much. Maybe going to this party not in a party mood wasn't a good idea.
"I'm going to go outside for a bit." You announce.
Some fresh crisp night air may do you some good. You are tired, tipsy, and very upset that the one you love isn't here. You put on your coat and boots and return to the cold. The spiked hot chocolate had just warmed you up. You stuff your hands into your pockets and set off. There's not really a destination in mind. All of the village is pretty at night. It's even more gorgeous with lights strung up on every building. The trees that are within the village are lit up as well.
It's more fun to walk and admire what people have done when you are with someone. Jiraiya made a date out of it. He bought you something warm to sip on, he linked your arm around his and he escorted you around town to see all the lights. It's simple, but it couldn't have been more perfect. Before long you find yourself wandering to the village square.
It's usually empty until December. It's a tradition to put up a big tree in the middle of town all decorated with things the children of Konoha have made. It's a little messy, but no less beautiful. Paper garland and popcorn on strings. Wooden sloppily painted ornaments of all kinds and colours. It's made with love. Anyone can see that. Your boyfriend quietly admitted that this is his favourite display during Christmas. He then even quieter admitted it was his favourite tradition he took part of as a boy. The tree back home has a small collection of homemade ornaments that he was thrilled to make again. He liked it even more making them with you. Being apart of a new family means new traditions. Seeing the lights and trees. Making ornaments together... Being together.
"What the hell are you doing out here?" Jiraiya shouted at you.
Jiraiya... Jiraiya?!
You turn your head in the direction of that all too familiar voice. He's several feet away. He's still in his travel gear. He looks tired. He looks annoyed. He's got that scowl of disapproval on as he glares at you. He never did like it when you decided to go on night walks.
A squeal comes out of you before you could stop it. Any composure you wished to keep completely fled your body. He's home! You hop, lunge, leap, bound across the square with your arms out. The annoyance on his face melted and he smiles. He opened up his arms just before you collided with him.
"Whoa!"
There was several seconds of wobbling as Jiraiya attempted to keep his balance. He failed and fell back into the snow with you in his arms. There's a flair of pain. For a few reasons. The biggest being the uncomfortable hard things he has in his pack that is now digging into his back. The pain is totally worth it. You shuffle up until you can kiss him. It holds for a while. It's a greeting he has been looking forward to since he left.
"I thought you said you couldn't get home until New Years?" You ask.
"I guess fighting for a pretty woman makes me work harder."
He can be a big sap sometimes. You hold his cheeks and kiss him again. Having him home for Christmas is the best. No more awkward party time! Just him and you back at home. All cuddled up together like he never left.
"I missed you." You tell him.
"I missed you too." He replies. He looks around at the snow. "We should head home before one of us gets a cold for Christmas."
You sat back and put a knee out to begin the process of getting back up. Your knees are a tad sore now. They crashed against the ground when you tackled Jiraiya to the ground. Totally worth it. There's no other way to greet him. He likes it. He can usually withstand your force. This is a rare case where you managed to get him to the ground.
Once to your feet Jiraiya gets up as well. He's... slower than usual. Probably just the cold. He wasn't a big fan of it. He winces. Just for a second. But you caught it. He's hurt. You sneak your arm around his back. He's a tough man who didn't like to ask for help. You do what you can without hurting his pride. He's not limping. It must be on an arm or somewhere on his torso.
It's slower than usual to get home. But you get him and yourself home in one piece. He plunks himself onto the couch in the living room. His gear and pack are abandoned along the trail he took to get to the cushions. You sat down beside him and he was quick to adjust so you are his pillow. His head is rested on your chest with his arms around your lower back. He generates enough heat where you don't need a blanket.
"How was the party?" He asks. His voice is already grumbly from getting sleepy.
"Oh well... it was okay."
"Did something happen?"
"Not really. You know me, I'm not big on parties."
"Hm."
Jiraiya falls quiet. His breathing getting deeper and deeper as he began to drift away. To soothe him further, you play with his hair. Long smooth strokes with your fingers deep in his hair. He hums as you do this, a sign that he's enjoying it. Yet something keeps bugging you.
"Honey?" You whisper.
"What?" He barely huffs out the word.
"Where are you hurt?"
"..." He chuckles after a moment of silence. "I can't get anything by you."
"Not when it comes to your health."
His arms adjust to give you a squeeze. A soft groan follows as he agitated his injury.
"I got cut on my ribs, nothing to be worried about."
"Just a cut? Nothing more?"
"Yeah. Don't worry about it. I'll live."
He tends to play down his injuries, but in this case you believe him. As stubborn as he is he won't compromise his health. He shifts his head as he attempts to find that sweet spot he was cozied into before. Soon his soft snores are by your ear. Following his example, you get comfortable and fall asleep...
"Babe!... Babe!"
You are rudely awakened by Jiraiya's chiding and shaking of your body. His weight is no longer on you. The bright light of morning is clashing with your shut eye. You open them to see your boyfriend leaning over you with a big smile on his face.
"Merry Christmas!" He practically sings the words at you.
"Hmmmnn." You groan as you awaken. You run your eyes and offer him a groggy smile. "Merry Christmas!"
He grabbed your hands and hoisted you to your feet. After a kiss he practically dragged you to the tree. He sat down in front of it and brought you with him. You are still waking up so you simply let him rag doll you to wherever he wished to plunk you. How is he so happy? There's still some obvious evidence that he's tired, bags under his eyes and all that. Yet he's so thrilled to pilfer through the collection of presents.
"You should open this one first."
Jiraiya set a gift in your hands before you could complain. It's easy to forget that sometimes he can be a big child. He's got the enthusiasm of a little kid only when he's truly excited about something. Christmas morning is one of those things. He rips into gifts like a child. But unlike a child he thanks you with every gift he gives you with a kiss. You do the same with each one he gives you.
He carries on his enthusiasm for the day by helping clean up the shreds of paper while you start on breakfast. You return to the living room holding a cup of coffee to start off. Only Jiraiya is now by the door. He's wandering back inside, but he's holding something. It's an envelope and card which he's reading over.
"Are you sure nothing happened at the party?" He asks.
"Nothing major. Why?"
"Kakashi sent a letter. It has an apology written out to you. Did something happen?"
You offer the mug and he takes it. But he's studying your face, expecting an answer. You can't lie to him. Especially when it comes to his friends. You smile.
"Kakashi just has your wellbeing in mind." You explain. "He was wondering how our relationship is."
You stand beside Jiraiya and peer over the letter that was written in the card. It was simple but to the point. Kakashi was sorry if he offended you with his question. He's a good friend looking out for someone he cares about. He must care about you too. At least enough to apologize.
"I hope you told him it was good." Jiraiya said.
"I did. I couldn't be happier with you."
He huffs a laugh and shrugs off his concern. Hopefully the weird drama doesn't stick around as a tradition. You break away from his side to return to fixing up breakfast. He set the card up on the mantle before trotting into the kitchen to help you.
With the world's healthiest breakfast of pancakes in hand, you and Jiraiya return to the couch to eat and drink in comfort.
The best part about Christmas is having the day off to relax in Pyjamas with the person you love. All the things that you couldn't do with him now was rectified. With a big fluffy blanket to keep you cozied up to him, you watch reruns on the tv. You eat breakfast and indulge in some of the candies he got you.
It turned out to be the perfect first Christmas with him.