In Which Addison Receives an Example of What She Doesn't Want in The Future

Let's take a moment to go back to how this all started… About eight months ago, my soon-to-be ex-husband slowly stopped coming home from work. It was rare at first. He would send his best friend over with excuses about why he couldn't make it home. It was always a surgery or something that has to do with work. After a while, he came home less and less… And I saw more and more of Mark... It seemed like he cared about his patients more than me and after months of carrying on like this, I started to believe it. I realized how insane everything got the moment I started growing feelings for his best friend. He was like my substitute husband anyway. He was always there when Derek wasn't.

And the more Derek started to resent me for becoming better in my field, the more I was pushed towards Mark. I tried to fight my feelings for him but one night, this past New Year, Derek didn't come home again… We got filthy drunk and well, things happened. I freaked out; filed for divorce and luckily, got a phone call from an old friend about a job offer. Next thing I know, I was on my way to Seattle. I swear that's when I started to fall in love all over again… but I could tell things would be different this time. The way I feel about Meredith is… I don't know how to put it in words but I never felt this strongly for someone before. Not Derek, not Mark… This is different… scary yet exciting. I was loving Seattle. I was starting to make friends, I had a love life… I was even getting back on a roll in my career… That is until Derek showed up.

After shaking Derek's hand, Meredith didn't say a word to me. She took off out of the hospital and didn't dare to look back. I called after her but she wouldn't speak to me. I didn't expect her to honestly. I turn back to Derek furious but I try to keep my composure as I speak, "Derek, WHAT are you doing here?"

"Your hair is different," he says to me.

"A lot of things are different," I counter.

"It's longer and darker. I like it. It's very Isabella Rossellini," he says.

I roll my eyes. He tries to run his fingers through my hair but I step back, "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?," he asks me instead, "You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan."

"Had," I say emphasizing the word.

"And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle," he pauses then finishes, "She seems sweet."

"The ice you're on," I say trying to remain calm, "thin... If you came out here to win me back, forget about it."

"I did. I flew all the way across the country to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me," he says sarcastically, "Relax Addison, I'm here for work. I'm helping with the standstill case you guys admitted yesterday and from Richard's briefing, I should be-"

I cut him off, "Richard knew you were coming out here?"

"He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you?"

"No, he didn't," I say with a smirk.

"Hmm," he smirks, "Surprise. The hair though-"

"Derek, I don't have time for this. Sign the divorce papers. Do your job. Then go back to New York," I say walking out of the hospital. I see Meredith's car still in the parking lot so I'm assuming she went to Joe's. I put my things into my car then I head across the street. When I enter I see Meredith over at the bar in her usual place. I was on my way to approach her when Dr. Bailey stepped into my view.

"Addison, I almost thought you weren't coming," she hands me a glass and gets all the doctors in the bar's attention. She starts making a toast to our successful surgery as I try to make my way closer to the bar. I see Meredith isn't participating in the toast. I know she's pissed but I just need a chance to explain and everything will be fine. She's bound to understand. She'll probably be upset that I didn't tell her before but there was never the right time and things were going so well… I should've told her sooner.

Surprisingly, I can hear her and the bartender talking as I try to get closer to her. The bartender pours her another shot as he speaks,"You look familiar. You been here before?"

"Once," she smirks taking her shot then says sarcastically, "That worked out really well."

"I know that look. It'll be one of two things," he says pouring her up another, "Either your boss is giving you hell or your boyfriend is. Which is it?"

"Both," she says downing the other shot then continuing,"My girlfriend is my boss, which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my girlfriend has a husband."

"Tell you what," the bartender says pouring her another, "this one, it's on the house."

I want to stop her from drowning all of her pain in alcohol and just talk to me but the moment I finally get the courage to go up to her, the other interns walk in… her friends.

"All hail the champ!" The bartender screams and everyone in the bar cheers as he continues, "So, my guy Alex finally got what was coming to him."

"George knocked him down in one punch," Cristina chimed in, "You should've seen it."

"I don't want to talk about it!" George yells as they both sit down on either side of Meredith. I've definitely lost my opportunity now.

"Brag, champ, brag. You've earned it," the bartender, Joe, says to him.

George shakes his head and just asks for a beer as Meredith takes over the conversation, "Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win."

"No, you don't want to play with me." Cristina counters back.

"Oh, I do. I'll even go first. Addison's married," she says as George spits his beer out.

Cristina looks at him disgusted, "George, beer is dripping from your nostrils."

Meredith smirks, "Told you I'd win."

Cristina shakes her head, "No, you didn't win."

Meredith looks at her confused and speaks up again, "Did you hear me? I said Addison is married… as in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married. Nothing you could say could top that."

I take that as my queue to leave. I don't want to hear anything else Meredith has to say about me. It's funny because I get paged to the hospital the moment I decide to give up and go home… I roll my eyes defeated. It's not like I was going to be able to talk to Meredith right now anyway. She hates me at the moment. I make my way out of the bar with a couple of other doctors who were paged.

A few moments of small talk later and we're back in the halls of Seattle Grace. It looks as though everyone got paged back because about ten minutes later, I see Meredith and the other interns over at the Nurses' Station.

Dr. Stevens walks up to them and blatantly asks Meredith, "Why are you back here tonight, don't you have a date with McHottie or whatever you're calling her nowadays?"

"More like McMarried," George clarifies.

Izzie jumps back shocked, "McWhat?"

Meredith rolls her eyes and answers her question, "I came to check on that patient that came in yesterday before I go home for the night."

"You think he's gonna be ok?" George asks. I think this is the patient Derek was saying he flew in for.

"You think he's gonna need an operation?" Cristina asks as Derek walks up to them with his eyes on Meredith. I can feel the heat rushing up in me as he gets closer.

"Operation, yes. Ok, hard to tell. Basilar artery is blown up like a balloon. Subarachnoid bleeding. Aneurysm the size of a golf ball," he says having all the interns look at him dazed… except Meredith. She's not falling for Derek… even if he is charming.

"No way to clip something like that," George says after a while.

Cristina chimes in, "Not without magic fingers."

Derek laughs and suggests, "Or a standstill operation."

"You're doing a standstill," Cristina perks up and Meredith makes a disgusting face at her. I guess trying to get Cristina to realize that Derek is my husband but instead she turns to Meredith and says, "he's doing a standstill operation."

"I'd like to try. First I need some additional patient history, overnight labs, and a cerebral angio," he says trying to hand the chart to Meredith.

"I'm drunk," Meredith says simply. Derek leaves the chart on the counter and walks away. I decide to walk up to her. I need to talk to her. This can't wait any longer.

"Meredith," I call out to her. She sees me then walks away. I try to follow her but the other interns step in my way.

"Satan," Izzie softly barks at me in passing. I just leave. I don't have time for the other interns. There's only one on my mind right now and I'm determined to talk to her.

I see Meredith walking out the front door of the lobby into the rain as I basically run trying to catch up with her. I call out after her, "Meredith!"

"Go away!" she shouts back without even turning around.

"Just wait," I plead, "We should discuss this."

"Here's a thought," she says turning around, "No! Quit following me!"

"At least let me explain-"

She cuts me off, "Explain? You know when you should have explained? The night we met in the bar. Before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would have been a good time to discuss it."

"Look, I know how you feel," I say without thinking. This is never a good thing to say in situations like this. They only make things worse and I know this for a fact when Meredith blows up on me.

"Do you? Somehow I doubt that. Because if you did, you would shut up, and you would turn around and go back inside, because you would realize that I am this close to getting in my car and running you down in the parking lot!" Meredith turns around and walks away through the rain. I see one of her intern friends run past me and up to her with an umbrella. I feel defeated once again but I'm not just going to give up. I have to make things right with her maybe just not tonight.

We were all paged to the hospital to talk about the standstill patient they would be operating on in the morning but that doesn't really have anything to do with me so I take this time to head out to my car. Hopefully, tomorrow, things would've died down a little and Meredith and I actually get a chance to speak. I know things won't just blow over overnight and that actual work is going to have to be done to repair what I broke in an instant but I'm willing to fight for what I had with her. It doesn't matter how new things were. I'm not losing Meredith… Especially not when we just got started.

I wake up the next morning with an agenda... My plans are to curse Richard out for bringing Derek to Seattle, to send Derek back on his merry way to New York and to try to have a normal conversation with Meredith.

After showering and getting ready for my day, I find myself at the hospital in front of the Chief's office where I see he and Derek chatting. My smile is turned upside down… I walk into the office to find them both laughing about something and they stop the moment I enter the room.

Derek straightened up his coat and stood up, "Well, I will be back in the morning to report for duty. And you, get some rest."

He leaves out of the office and I turn to Richard obviously pissed off. I demand to know what the hell is going on right now, "What is he doing here?"

Richard starts, "You and I both know he's the best in the field. Bringing Derek out was a business decision, nothing personal."

"Oh, well, what a relief. It's not personal," I say sarcastically then I look at him sternly, "It is personal to me."

"The working of my surgical unit don't have any-," he starts and then I cut him off.

"Don't include my husband!"

Richard yells back, "Don't include your private life! Like I said, there's no room for personal in being chief."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I say harshly already knowing where he's getting at.

"How long have you have been sleeping with an intern.?" he questions me but I'm sure he already knows the answer to this. I don't have time for him to act like a parent to me. I have a father in Connecticut. I don't need one in workplace as well. I don't have to for this.

"So, I guess part of being chief is personal," I say simply walking away.

Richard calls out after me, "Close the door on your way out."

I roll my eyes walking out of his office not bothering to close his door. I have something for him. Since he can call spouses, I think I may give his a call up. She's always badgering him about taking a break from the hospital and since we're making this a family affair then I might as well give her a call up.

When I look up, I noticed I walked down to the surgical floor. I find Derek talking to Dr. Burke over by the Nurses' Station and I make my way over with a smile.

"Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Burke," I say casually.

"You're never interrupting," Dr. Burke responds.

"She's always interrupting…" Derek says and I roll my eyes as he continues, "Anyway, I was just checking to see if Dr. Burke secured the intern-"

"Intern you requested?," Meredith finishes walking up, "He did."

I stand there stunned looking between Derek and Dr. Burke. I'm literally about to spazz on everyone. Dr. Burke smiles nervously and walks away. Meredith and Derek walk away and I'm left there flustered. I can not believe this is happening.

I decide to take the remainder of my day in my office. I spent this time updating my charts. Luckily, I didn't have any surgeries today and I only got paged to the ER twice for consults. I was successfully able to avoid just about everyone until Derek found me on my way back up to my office.

"That took a lot of nerve," I say in reference to him requesting Meredith. I didn't even have to explain before he spoke up.

"Oh come on, she came highly recommended," he says and I look at him unfazed.

"Right."

"So you don't recommend her?" he questions.

"No," I shake my head, "I did not say that."

"Just not for her medical skills," he smirks.

"Oh, would you shut up?" I say wanting to strangle him but I don't.

"Dr. Shepherd," I hear Meredith's voice and I turn around. Derek and I both answer. I can't help it. I was Dr. Shepherd for eleven years now. It wasn't until Seattle that I used my maiden name. Meredith continues speaking and I realize that she's talking to Derek."Labs confirm what look like abnormalities. I think you should come and see for yourself."

"Fine. Let's go," Derek says walking away with Meredith.

I call out after her, "Meredith. Meredith."

"Don't," she says simply turning back towards Derek and walking away.

I don't try to talk to her for the rest of the day. I had back-to-back surgeries anyway so it's not like I really had the time too… I just wish she would give me a chance to explain everything. Things wouldn't seem as bad as they are if she would just let me talk to her. I know I should've explained when we first met but that's not exactly a conversation starter… Plus, we were both drunk. That isn't fair.

I fight with myself in my head up until it's time for me to head home. When I arrive home, I pour myself up a glass of wine and I make my way out back to the porch. I decide to drink myself calm while watching the waves. I don't really know how to function well alone… Lately, Meredith has been here with me most nights. Maybe I'll get a cat.

I don't know how later but I hear a car door slam shut and footsteps come around the side of the house. I look over and I see Meredith. She doesn't look happy to see me at all. I'm just surprised she came over to begin with.

I smile a little and I put my glass down, "Meredith-"

"No," she shakes her head and stops short of the porch. She's not planning on moving any further. "You wanted to talk… So talk."

I gather up everything that I have been meaning to say in these past weeks and suddenly all the words are ready to flow right out of my mouth. I wish it was this easy before. I begin, "Meredith, I know this has been long overdue. I just, it never felt like the right time which is no excuse whatsoever. Derek and I have been married for eleven years now and our marriage has been going down the drain for almost a year now. It just took me months to realize that I was the only one still fighting for what we had. We both got successful in our fields and slowly over time, he just stopped showing up… For important things like holidays and birthdays… Even anniversaries… He'd always send his best friend home with excuses. It's even crazier because we worked together and I'd see him always indebted into his patients but not in our marriage. It hurt… at first but then I realized we were finished. I moved on… Filed for divorce and I left the papers on his desk at home… The one place he went when he came home… He didn't realize I left him until now, Meredith. That was nearly three months ago…"

"And what was I to you?" She looks at me with no emotion in her face. "Was I just the girl you screwed after being screwed over?"

"No, I was drowning and you, you were like coming up for fresh air," I say with fresh tears in my eyes, "You're my new beginning."

"That's, that's not enough," she says turning around and walking away.

I could feel my heart shattering into pieces all over again. I don't want to cry anymore. I make my way into the house and pour myself something way stronger than wine. I don't even think I make it to my bedroom.

The next morning I wake up on my couch. Looking at the clock I see that it's still early… I can't help but to walk up at five in the morning even without my alarm clock. It's happens after years of being a surgeon.

I shower, get dressed and dressed up then I make my way to work. Apparently, Meredith and I have perfect timing because she and her roommates, some of the other interns, pull into the parking lot of the hospital right after me. Seeing me, Meredith slams the door of her car and I watch George, Cristina and Izzie pile out slowly after her.

Meredith walks right past me so I follow behind her until she turns around yelling, "Stop."

"What?"

Meredith looks at me sideways then speaks up, "You're stalking me. Stop it."

"Did we not communicate last night?" I ask confused as to what really happened.

She answers simply, "Yes."

I question her again, "Did you hear what I was saying?"

Meredith turns around rolling her eyes and continues walking, "Your husband screwed you over and neglected you."

"And then from that point on he no longer existed to me anymore," I finish for her.

Meredith stops and smirks at me, "You had marital amnesia?"

"No," I sigh, "Come on I bared my soul to you last night."

"It's not enough," she says as she continues walking.

"How can that be not enough?" I ask following her again.

Meredith stops in her tracks and turns around to me, "When you waited almost three months to tell me and I had to find out by him showing up, all tall, handsome and dreamy and telling me himself, you pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything that you say runs right out. There is no enough."

Meredith turns around and goes inside with George and Izzie follow behind her passing me.

I hear George say under his breath, "She probably could've picked a better metaphor."

"Give her a break. She's got a hangover," Izzie responds.

I roll my eyes following them into the hospital. I can't believe I use to be an intern. I was one of them. I know my class couldn't have been that bad. I take this time to make my way upstairs. When passing by the Chief's office, I see him and his wife, Adele arguing in his office and I smile to myself. My plan worked out. Since he could call my husband, I called his wife. I step inside meaning to say something when Derek enters right behind me.

"I thought I saw a fabulous looking woman walk by," Derek says to Adele and I roll my eyes.

"Derek! Yes see," she says as she walks up to him and they hug, "I told Richard, I knew you and Addison would get back together."

He smiles and corrects her, "Ah, actually, I'm here on a case."

"Derek and I are over, Adele," I add.

"It's not like we're divorced," he counters.

"Practically divorced," I clarify. All he has to do is sign the papers.

Adele looks at us and asks, "You've had counseling?"

"We had neglect," I clarify, "months of it. That was enough."

Adele nods, "Hmm."

"I'll call you later, ok?" Derek says to Adele as he leaves and she walks over to me.

"You should give him a chance, Addison."

"It's good to see you," I smile giving her a kiss on the cheek then I wink heading out, "Keep him in line."

I never got the chance to say what I had to say but I'm sure Richard will be calling me into his office later. I don't mind. I'm always ready for a fight. I'm a Forbes-Montgomery.

Meanwhile during the remainder of my day, I birthed two sweet little babies, Carmen and James, and I also corrected baby Josiah's congenital heart disease with the help of one of Meredith's intern friends, Cristina. She says she has her heart set on Cardio so I wanted to give her the chance to see what it's like operating on tiny hearts. I think I may have won her over in that category but her main focus is still Cardio. She's a very skilled surgeon but not really the type for Fetal medicine. I think Cardio-Thoracic suits her well.

I'm making my way back to my office after surgery and I press the button for the elevator. When it opens on my floor, it's empty. I pull out my phone to check the time when the elevator opens on the next floor down. Derek walks into the elevator dressed to go home and I sigh rolling my eyes.

"Just when the day was improving," I whisper under my breath but of course, loud enough for him to hear my annoyance.

Derek looks at me and asks, "You told Meredith what happened?"

I put the phone away and walk over to the other side of the elevator to push the button for my floor again. I turn around to him giving him a weird look, "I did. What did you tell her?"

The doors to the elevator shut and he looks at me with the dreamy look of his. He thinks I'm going to fall for it but I won't. He says finally, "That I lost control of my life for a second and forgot my duties of a husband."

I look at him disbelievingly and I can feel the heat rushing through me, "What? Wow. That's your side of this? That you lost control for a second? It's been months, Derek. You didn't even realize I left until nearly three months later!"

"I'm sorry, Addison. We got successful you and me. We got busy and we got lazy. We didn't even bother to fight any more. Now I'm sorry," he pleads and I turn around pushing my floor button again and again. I have got to get off of here.

"I'm more sorry than you can possibly imagine. But at least I'm talking to you about it," he continues.

When the doors open, I head out and Derek calls out imploringly, "Addison."

"I'm a sink with an open drain honey," I look at him sadly quoting what Meredith said to me. He stands there on the elevator looking confused and I just walk away. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want him to leave.

My plans when I get home are to run myself a nice hot bubble bath and pour myself a mimosa. It's the weekend so maybe tomorrow I'll treat myself to shopping and maybe pamper myself at the spa. I need to find a way to relax my nerves before I explode. I have a reputation to maintain, a relationship to fix and one to end. I have a long few days ahead of me...