In Which Addison Learns the Truth
I woke up this morning feeling a little less confident that Meredith will talk to me than yesterday. It's only because it's already been a few days since we last spoke and with every waking morning, I slowly lose hope that'll I'll be able to fix what I broke before it even had a real chance to start.
Once I actually get out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower since I bathed last night. After my shower, I straighten my hair and do my make up. I keep it light and natural then I get dressed in my favorite little black Gucci dress.
I make my way out of the house and with the little time I have to kill, I stop at the bakery that's a couple minutes from the hospital. I order my own special mix of coffee that the bartender's love making for me since I tip well. I know what it's like since I spent some time as a waitress in high school. I didn't need to work but I wanted to be independent from my parents. It's not like they were around much anyway but that's besides the point. The point is, we made our earnings off tips and I know a lot of people working these jobs aren't fortunate enough to live in a financially stable home. Most people are living check by check and it sucks so I do as much as I can to help.
After leaving the bakery, I make my way back out to my car and to the hospital. I pull into the parking lot minutes later and park making my way inside. I walk into the hospital and I head straight for the elevator. My surgery is in a half hour and I still need to get into my scrubs. The elevator opens and there stands Richard is this ridiculously pimped out fedora. He doesn't say anything to me when I walk on so I decide to speak first, "Good morning, Richard; like the hat."
"You called my wife," he responds simply.
I smirk, "You called my husband."
"You were sleeping with an intern," he says before I cut him off.
"Which is none of your business and for your information, I think I might just be in love with Meredith. This is not just some fling between us and I don't care if you approve or not. Derek and I are over."
The elevator opens on the next floor and in walks Derek. He tries to stifle a laugh and then looks to Richard, "Nice hat."
"Shut up," I say in Richard's defense.
"Satan speaks," he answers, "I heard that's what they call you around here."
"Actually I prefer to be called Ruler of All That is Evil but I will answer to Satan," I say in rebuttal and both men laugh. I roll my eyes and I turn to Richard, "What is he still doing here?"
"I asked him to stay. We have a neurosurgery attending out on vacation," he responds and I swear I can feel my blood boiling.
Derek turns to me saying, "Actually, I could use you on a consult. Will you meet me up there Addison?"
"I, uh, actually have a surgery but I can meet you after," I answer then the elevator opens up on my floor. I quickly rush off and to my office to put my things down. I head off to the OR and I see my team already has the room prepped but it's empty. I'm assuming they're prepping the patient and bringing her up to the OR so I use this time to breathe a little.
The infant has a birth defect that causes an opening in the skin and muscles covering the abdominal wall… also known as the belly. I plan to correct it with a gastroschisis repair where I'm going to place the organs back into the baby's belly and fix the defect, if possible.
The newborn is just now old enough to have the surgery but in the meantime, she had a plastic pouch attached to her called a silo that was used to return most of baby Nia's intestines and other organs back into her belly. I'm just going to finish what it started. The prep team comes in with the baby in tow and within in minutes we are prepared to start.
As the surgery begins, I take a careful look at the baby's intestine closely for signs of damage or other birth defects. I find a couple of unhealthy parts that I remove and begin sewing together the healthy edges.
Next, I take the organs that are outside the belly and carefully place them back into the belly. Lastly, I repair the opening in the abdominal wall and we begin to close.
I'm scrubbing out of my surgery when I hear my surgical team gossiping about Ellis Grey coming into the hospital. They say that she has Alzheimer's and that her daughter, Meredith Grey, has been keeping it a secret for her the entire time. I'm shocked to hear this news and I'm sure Meredith isn't handling this well but I'm also pretty sure I'm the last person she wants to talk to right now. She's made it clear the other day how she was no longer listening to anything I have to say.
We haven't spoken or really seen much of each other since we spoke that night at my house. I don't want to give up yet but she really hates me. I have to figure out how to get her to talk to me again. I walk out of the scrub room and head upstairs to the NICU where I'm meeting Derek on a consult. I never expected him to be in the here but I guess that's why he needs my help. I'm going over the baby's chart when Izzie walks in. I wave and she rolls her eyes at me. I look back over to Derek and ask, "Where's the mother?"
"Gone. She stuck around long enough to get the kid strung out and then took off. Nice, huh?" he smirks.
I sigh frustrated, "Derek?"
"Addison," he pauses, "I know it's a long shot. I know that."
"You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mash. You failed to mention that she's premature, underweight and addicted to narcotics," I walk over to her and I frown. I hate not being able to do more, "There's no way that she's going to survive spinal surgery."
"You don't know that," he replies.
I roll my eyes, "It's my job to know that."
"You don't know everything, Addison," he basically yells and I'm taken aback.
"Excuse me?" I question him.
"I'm sorry honey but you don't," he pauses, "You don't get to decide-"
I cut him off, "Wait, did you just call me honey?"
He tries to speak up again but I don't let him, "Don't call me honey."
"Fine," he pauses recollecting himself, "Look, if a patient has any chance of survival, which I think she does, then you have a responsibility-"
I cut him off again, "Don't talk to me about responsibility."
"You took an oath, Addison," he says to me harshly.
"Oh, don't you dare talk to me about oaths," I say in return.
"Addison, I messed up. People mess up," he pleads.
I roll my eyes at him, "You neglected me for months, Derek."
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm just gonna go. I'll go check on the labs," Izzie says leaving the room.
Derek looks at me sadly then looks at the baby. I shake my head, "Derek, don't do this."
"Addison… look, she's a fighter. Look how far she's come already," he leans over into the incubator to look at the baby.
"Don't get attached. Don't get involved. Just… don't make her life more painful than it already is," I say handing him back the chart.
"Addison, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her," he pleads.
"She's too far gone. You have to let her go. Let her go in peace," I say leaving the room.
I want to help the preemie, I do but like Derek said, she has no one. Why put her through a hard, painful and stressful life where she'll be bounced from foster home to foster home when we don't even know if she'll leave to see two years old. It's too much on such a young little girl already. I don't want to have to put her through anymore that what she's already going through.
I turn the corner making my way to my office. I sit down at my desk and I start going through some flies when Meredith walks into the room.
"Dr. Montgomery," she addresses me standing up against the wall. She doesn't move any further from the door.
"Meredith," I say slightly shocked because I'm surprised to see her. I immediately think of her mother. "I heard. Is it true?"
"Yeah. Secrets out."
I sigh, "Oh."
"Dr. Montgomery, I-" she starts but I cut her off.
"You don't have to call me Dr. Montgomery," I say to her.
Meredith replies adamantly, "Dr. Montgomery. I want in on a surgical case. I can't just do nothing all day. And you owe me this. And I never ask you for anything like this, so…"
"I have a preemie with a coarctation of the aorta. Surgery is in an hour. You'll scrub in," I say as she nods her head and leaves the room.
Two hours comes around and we're in the middle of our surgery when the Chief walks into the OR with his intern, Dr. O'Malley. I roll my eyes, "Chief, I'm a little busy here. Whatever it is we can talk about it later."
"Actually, I'm not here about you," he looks from me to Meredith.
"It's for my mother, isn't?" she asks.
"It's a simple procedure; needle biopsy," he says.
She nods then says, "You think she has cancer?"
"George needs your signature," he says simply.
Meredith looks to me then leaves out of the OR. Luckily I've already removed the narrowing segment in aorta and all I have to do now is sew together the two ends of it. Meredith returns moments later and we finish up the surgery in silence. I'm scrubbing out of the OR when Dr. Grey and Dr. Carson, my intern today, walk out to wash up as well.
"Can you do the follow up? I want to check on my mother," Meredith asks him.
"Yeah," he nods, "You know what's going on?"
I stop Meredith as she walks pass by holding her arm comfortingly and she backs out of my grasp looking upset.
"Don't," she says sharply.
"Sorry," I say holding up my hands in defeat.
"Don't be sorry. I'm so tired of it, you being sorry," she says furiously.
I start, "Dr.-"
Meredith cuts me off, "Don't do it."
I try again, "Dr. Grey-"
She sounds annoyed, "Dr. Grey, seriously? Are you concerned about Dr. Carson finding out about us? Is that what matters to you? Do you really think he cares?"
Meredith turns around to him who's trying hard not to come across as bemused. She speaks up loudly, "Dr. Carson, do you care that I was the intern stupid enough to screw the married attending?"
"No," replies while still scrubbing out.
Meredith looks back at me pointedly.
"It's okay," I say backing down and trying to leave the room.
"It's not okay," she yells.
I speak up softly, "Meredith just-"
"Don't," she cuts me off. "Stop talking to me like you're my girlfriend! Stop talking to me at all," she says leaving the room.
"Dude, that was rough," he says and I roll my eyes leaving the scrub room.
I head straight for my office where I decide to hide out for a little and recollect myself. Meredith is so confusing. We were talking earlier… at least that's what I thought when she asked to scrub in. I thought that was a huge step in the right direction and then all of a sudden, she flips out on me in the middle of the scrub room. I'm not sure what to do anymore or really if I should try but I don't want to give up yet… It just seems like she really hates me.
I sigh then I get up from my desk heading towards my mini fridge. It's pretty empty but I'm hungry and I could probably use some coffee. I make my way out of the office and downstairs to the cafeteria where I order a turkey sandwich and some juju.
I run into the Chief on my walk back up to my office. He's wearing a different hat than this morning. This one is a bowler's hat. I don't comment this time because it's obvious he's self-conscious of his hair. We begin walking down the hallway together.
"Derek informed me that he would be leaving in the morning," Richard says as we walk past his office.
"Great," I say as George walks in.
"What is it, O'Malley?" the Chief asks.
"Just letting you know that the labs on Dr. Grey's biopsy have been submitted and should be ready in about thirty minutes," he answers.
I see Dr. Stevens walk over to us and she tries to pull me aside, "Excuse me, Dr. Montgomery. We need you fast. Um… it's Cristina, one of our interns. She's," she pauses and I look briefly at Richard, "she's collapsed."
"Cristina's collapsed," the other intern questions.
I'm confused… I ask, "Why do you need me?"
Izzie sighs but doesn't say anything. Comprehension dawns on Richard and I realizing she must be pregnant. George looks at us and I guess he realizes too because he exclaims, "Cristina's pregnant?"
"Shut up, George," Izzie says then looks to me, "Please come."
I follow Izzie to Cristina's room. I start performing an ultrasound on Cristina while she lays barely conscious on a hospital bed. Dr. Bailey is standing behind her bed stroking her hair.
"Have you notified the father?" I ask and Cristina doesn't answer. She just sort of breathes a little funny. I look over to Dr. Bailey who looks back to Cristina.
"Cristina?" she asks her trying to get something out of her, "Cristina? Uh, Cristina? Cristina? Is there anyone we can call?"
Cristina just continues slightly gasping and slowly drifts unconscious. Dr. Bailey looks to me, "Oh, we're losing her."
I point to the screen displaying Cristina's uterus showing Dr. Bailey and Dr. Stevens what I've found, "Oh man, do you see that? It's an extra uterine pregnancy in the tube there. She's bleeding out."
I have Dr. Stevens call up to the OR floor and secure us a room. The prep team has Cristina prepped and ready in the OR within a few minutes. I'm going to try my hardest to save her fallopian tube but it doesn't look so hopeful. I start performing surgery and Dr. Bailey is still here at Cristina's head stroking her hair. Dr. Stevens is observing me as I work. This is the first time since the Quint incident that we've been in the same room without her ignoring me and/or leaving.
"She's going to be okay, right?" Izzie asks me.
"How attached was she to this pregnancy?" I ask her avoiding her question because I truly don't know.
"I don't know. She's a pretty private person," she replies.
"She's lost a lot of blood but I've got it from here," I say continuing surgery. "Dr. Bailey, you must have a surgery or two of your own today."
"I'm fine right here," she replies.
A few minutes later, I see Dr. Bailey get up and go over to the door. I look up to see what she's doing and I see Meredith on the other side of the door.
"Need something?" Dr. Bailey asks her.
"I'm coming in," Meredith replies simply.
"No you're not," Miranda replies.
"I am," she says, "I'm her friend."
"Exactly," Dr. Bailey explains, "She's lying on the operating table, naked, exposed. She's sedated but she's probably scared out of her mind right now. Now, right now, she's not a doctor. She's not your friend. She's a patient and she deserves to have all the privacy I can give her. You're not going in there."
I look over at Izzie and I see that she's also listening in on their conversation.
Meredith sighs, "We went jogging this morning. I made her go jogging. There's no way that could of?"
"No," Dr. Bailey cuts her off, "It started out this way. Nothing caused it to happen."
"You have to let me in there," Meredith pleads.
"You can try. I'd have to take you down," Dr. Bailey says and says jokingly, "Hey, I might be short but you're pretty tiny. I could do it."
"Right now. Just in this moment," Meredith pauses, "I hate you."
"Hmm, yeah well I can take it," Dr. Bailey says as Meredith turns and walks away. She closes the door and joins us back over at the table.
After the surgery, I make my way back up to the NICU. I find Derek's preemie over in the incubator and I walk over to her smiling. I reach my finger in and she grabs onto it tightly. She has a really good grip. Derek walks in and I look up at him standing up.
"Look at that, BP is stabilizing," he says pointing at the monitor.
"She's stronger since this morning," I say taking her chart and going to sit down in a rocking chair over in the corner of the room, "There's no reason in the world why she should be stronger since this morning."
"She's really beautiful isn't she?" he asks staring at the little girl.
I look up at him and smile genuinely at him for the first time in forever, "I'll tell you what… If she makes it through the night, if she has a little bit more strength then I'll operate."
We smile at each other then Derek walks over towards me, "You know, the way I see it, we could deal with us in one of three ways… Option one: I could apologize. You could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or, option two: I could apologize. You could forgive, come home but, you can still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue."
"Are you trying to be funny?" I ask unamused.
"I can have a sense of humor," he says leaning in to kiss me but I get up and move away.
"What's the third option?" I ask as I walk back over to the preemie.
"I don't know what the third option is," he says shrugging and walking up to me again. He runs his hand through my hair and speaks up again, "I just know that I still love you."
I feel like I literally fled the hospital after that. I ran to my office and I grabbed my things before making my way to the lobby then out through the huge glass doors. When I walk outside, I see Meredith sitting on a bench outside of the hospital. I can't see her face but only her back.
I step a little closer and question, "Meredith?"
"Oh," she says softly.
I hear that she's crying in her voice, "Meredith."
"Don't," she sobs, "Please, please just don't say anything."
"Okay," I comply.
I still stand here though. I wasn't planning on giving up just like that. Luckily, Meredith gets up and makes her way around the bench to where she's standing right in front of me. I look at her concerned and she tries to smile but it doesn't work.
"I'm just exhausted. My mother is exhausting. What happened to Cristina and you; hating you is the most exhausting," she says this then she takes my faces and kisses me long but softly then finishes, "I don't want to do it anymore."
She walks back into the hospital and I'm left standing there stunned. Just when I thought that Meredith would never talk to me again, she goes and does this. She's so confusing.