In Which Addison Receives a Second Chance

It's lunchtime at Seattle Grace Hospital. This morning was a hectic one… We came in and found that the preemie survived the night so I had to live up to my word and operate on her this morning with Derek. The sad part about all of this is that I was right… I didn't want to be right but the little one didn't survive the surgery… I told him that she wasn't strong enough but this is the one time that I really didn't want to be right.

We haven't spoken all day since. I'm assuming he is getting his things in order to leave seeing that he doesn't have any other patients in this hospital. Anyway, I'm walking towards the elevators when I hear screaming coming from a patient's room, "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

"Mom!" someone screams.

"She's a child and I won't have her on my team," the first voice demands.

Soon after I see Meredith run out of the room and she walks up to me. She doesn't speak so I decide to speak up first, "You skipping rounds?"

Meredith looks at me then back to the elevator, "Avoiding mother."

"Meredith…" I say after a few moments of silence.

She doesn't let me finish, "You've got a husband."

I nod, "Yes."

Meredith continues, "You're life is complicated."

"Yes."

Meredith shakes her head, "I don't need complicated. I have complicated all on my own."

I sigh, "Yes."

Meredith yells, "Stop saying yes."

I smile a little and Meredith sees this and frowns, "You think this is funny?"

"Look Meredith, I didn't expect to potentially meet the love of my life at the bar my first night in Seattle. I know that's no excuse to not tell you I was married but it was my first step in becoming myself again and I fell in love… Then the day I was going to tell you, he showed up but Derek and I are over. I know it. He knows it. He's signing the papers and going home. He doesn't have any more patients in this hospital. There's no reason for him to be here," she just looks skeptically at me with her arms crossed as we stand near the elevators on the surgical floor.

I wasn't expecting to have this conversation today but Meredith stopped me on my way out to lunch to talk about last night. She explained that when she said she's tired of hating me, she meant it. She wanted to actually give our relationship a go but only if I was fully in it which meant, Derek had to go.

"No reason?" Meredith questions.

I move my hand in to stroke her cheek, "None whatsoever."

Speaking of the Devil, he walks past us towards the elevator dressed like he's leaving for the day. I roll my eyes as he smirks and I know he's about to say something stupid.

"Well now, isn't this cozy? Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?" he asks with this grin on his face.

"I have to go," Meredith says as she walks away.

"Meredith…" I call after her but she continues to walk away so I follow Derek into the elevator and when it closes we're the only two left. I turn to him with my arms crossed, "How come you haven't got on your broomstick and gone back to New York, where you belong? "

"Stop being so petty… Plus it's not until this evening. I was hoping we had some time to talk," he says in a surprisingly serious tone.

"Well, I'm on lunch right now so I guess we can talk over some food," I shrug as the elevator opens up on the ground floor.

We make our way outside into the parking lot and he suggests that we got something to eat that's in walking distance. On our walk to the restaurant, I think of my conversation with Dr. Bailey from last night at Joe's...

"Meredith kissed me… I almost thought I had lost my chance with her," I said sitting down next to her at the bar and putting up two fingers asking for two shots.

Miranda looked from me to the bartender in front of us, "Joe, do I look friendly to you?"

Joe laughs then says sarcastically as he puts my shots down in front of me, "Oh, you're a tiny little kitten of joy and love."

Dr. Bailey makes a face and then sips her drink. Without looking at me she says, "Satan, go sit by someone who cares."

"This coming from the Nazi," I sigh but I don't move. I down both of the shots in front of me then I sigh, "Everything's gonna be fine. Derek will go back to New York. Meredith and I'll start over, everything's gonna be fine. Right?"

Dr. Bailey shakes her head and laughs, "You so damn stupid."

Derek opens the door to the restaurant bringing me out of my thoughts. He leads me to the outside seating and we don't have to look over the menu twice before we order our food. The waiter leaves and comes back with our drinks letting us know our food will be out any moment as he leaves again.

I start mixing my tea with lemon when Derek speaks up, "You know, you are going forgive me eventually, right? I mean you can't just ... I mean there was a time when you thought of me as your best friend?"

"There was a time where I thought you were the love of my life. Things change," I counter.

Derek sighs then reaches into his bags and pulls out papers out of her bag. He hands them to me. I look down at the papers, "Divorce papers."

He nods speaking up, "My lawyer said they're ok. I haven't signed them yet. The ball's in your court. If you sign, I'll sign. I'll sign and be on the 1st plane out of here."

"I'll sign them immediately. I want you out of here as soon as possible," I say searching for a pen in my purse.

Derek looks upset and reaches out towards me, "Addison, have you ever thought that, even after the months of neglect, that I still might be the love of your life?"

I look at him sadly and I frown, "I'm sorry, Derek."

The waiter wasn't playing when he said our food would be out soon. This is the fastest service I've had yet in Seattle. We thank him for our food then we eat our lunch in silence. Once we finish our food and the waiter clears the table, I pull back out the divorce papers. I honestly didn't think it would be this easy to let go of the last eleven years of my life… but the last few I can remember were quite painful. They were filled with the one thing I hate the most: neglect. I had enough of it from growing up with my parents and I don't need the rest of my life to look that way. I have to end this now.

I finally find a pen in my purse. Pulling it out, I scan over the papers only for a second since I had them written up and have read them countless times before I left them on his desk not so many months ago. I come to the last page where I'm supposed to sign my name. I sigh looking up at Derek. I try to remember the happy times we had but it's so hard to remember the beginning when you're at the end.

I sign my name on the line then I hand Derek back the folder, "I'm sorry, Derek. We had a not too bad run but I have a new life here. I've moved on..."

"With that girl intern?" he scoffs then rolls his eyes.

"With or without her, Derek… We're over. We have been for a few months now. I've accepted it and now it's time for you to," I say simply getting up from the table. "And for your information, I love Meredith. I haven't even known her long but I fell for her the moment I laid eyes on her… and that's way more than what I can say about you."

I'm walking away at this point and I don't look back. I don't even realize that I had started crying until a tear dropped on my hand. I've been Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd for a third of my existence. Eleven years of my life, gone… just like that… I don't regret it. I just have to get used to being me again… Addison Montgomery drop the Shepherd. I have to remember who I was many moons ago before I met Dr. McDreamy, yes, he's already gotten a nickname from the one week that he was here at the hospital.

It's just funny because I thought I would feel different… All I feel is overwhelmed. Maybe it hasn't fully hit me… I walk into the hospital and a second later, I'm being paged by Dr. Bailey for a consult. I make my way up to the radiology viewing room where I find Meredith and Dr. Bailey are looking over x-rays put up on the x-ray board.

I walk into the room and up to the x-rays greeting both of them as I enter, "Doctors."

Dr. Bailey acknowledges me, "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"Actually, it's just Montgomery now," I see Meredith look at me surprised and I clear my throat continuing, "How old is he?"

"He's 26," Dr. Bailey responds.

"Survivor, huh?"

"And then some," she continues, "My patient for at least 5 years. I'm not gonna lose him now."

"You planning a laparotomy?" I question.

"Yeah, but his lungs," she hesitates.

"Hmm," I think back to a previous surgery I had that's similar to this, "You know, I think I could help you with this. I've seen one case like this before in a 9 year old. We ended up having to do a total pancreatectomy."

"I'd be honored to take any help you can give me-"

Meredith finally speaks up cutting off Dr. Bailey, "You're a neonatal specialist. What… uh… this isn't your area."

Dr. Bailey looks at Meredith annoyed and shakes her head at her causing Meredith to speak up again nervously, "I'm just saying that…"

I decide to intervene, "I did 2 years genetic research in cystic fibrosis. I've pretty much seen it all, Dr. Grey."

"Oh," she says simply then her pager goes off.

Meredith leaves to answer her page while Dr. Bailey and I continue to go over our plan for Jeremiah that is until I get paged to the ER. I'm walking passed Ellis's room when I hear Meredith yelling. Apparently, they lost her mother… Who loses a patient? I shake my head at Dr. O'Malley, the intern on the case and I keep moving. As I'm passing by the CT viewing room, I hear what sounds like Meredith's mother coming from inside.

"It's definitely a bullet. One that tracked clear through his head. Now are you people just going to sit here or you gonna get him into surgery? Here's the missile track. As you can see it doesn't even cross the midline," the voice grows louder as I approach the room.

When I walk up to the door I see Dr. Karev and CT Tech looking at each other bewildered as Ellis, in dark navy blue scrubs that the attendings wear, is pointing to the CT scans explaining what she's said to them. The CT Tech walks over to me and we both stand at the door looking on until the intern on her case arrives.

"She's over there," I hear the CT guy say to George who walks up behind us.

"He's lucky. This guy may be even better talking to," Ellis continues to speak as CT guy and I walk in with George following behind us with a wheelchair, "He'll need debridement of the entrance wound and repair the dura, but we won't need to remove the bullet."

"That's an excellent diagnosis, Dr. Grey. I'm Dr. Montgomery, your consult," I say interrupting her. She turns to me then smiles.

"Dr. Grey, they need you upstairs," George says then Ellis gets up.

She looks to me and questions, "You'll book the OR and staff?"

"I'm on it," Alex answers for me as Ellis gets into the wheelchair. I look at him disapprovingly and he just shrugs. George comes up to the screen with the CT scan.

"Unbelievable," he says as Richard comes to the room as well.

"O'Malley," the chief demands, "Can you not handle this, doctor?"

George walks back to Ellis muttering, "I can handle a lot of things. Wheelchairs. Come on, Dr. Grey."

He pulls the wheelchair out of the doorway and we exit the room going our separate ways.

After my consult in the ER, I make my way back up to Jeremiah's room where Dr. Bailey, Meredith and I start to explain the surgery to him.

"We won't know for sure until we go in there, but it looks like that I'm going to have to take out your pancreas and re-route your intestines," I say to him.

He looks to Dr. Bailey, "Did you tell her that my lungs don't do well with anesthesia?"

"Don't I always have your back?" she teases.

"Your kidney function is decreasing rapidly and I'm afraid you're gonna go into multi-system organ failure if we don't operate," I say bringing back the serious mood.

"If I say no?" Jeremiah questions.

Dr. Bailey speaks up, "There's no guarantees, Jeremiah. You know that. It's gonna be a long, hard surgery and put a lot of stress on your body."

Jeremiah smiles, "Yeah, but I'm me."

Dr. Bailey smiles back and I make mental note of that because Dr. Bailey never smiles, "But you're you."

Jeremiah now looks to me, "So if we don't operate, I die. And if… we do operate, I may die."

I try to see another way around it but there is none, "Basically, yes."

"Well, I like those odds. And 26 years with this disease is awesome. And that's the reality. So if I get lucky… great. And if I don't…" he looks at Dr. Bailey and takes her hand in his, "it's been sweet."

"It's gonna stay sweet,"she throws his hand back and he shrugs smiling.

We hear yelling in the hallway so Meredith and I step out curiously. I see a couple, three police officers and the wife being put into handcuffs. Meredith walks over to the Nurse's station pretending to look over a chart as she listens in. I come up behind her pretending to look through some files of my own.

"Well, nothing like a domestic dispute to liven up a pre-op, huh?" I joke and Meredith just gives me a knowing look. We both walk back over to Jeremiah's room where Dr. Bailey is.

Jeremiah's looking over the forms, "Where do I sign?"

"Here, for consent. And here for DNR and no extraordinary measures," Dr. Bailey points out as Jeremiah signs.

"Good. Ok, lift up for me," Jeremiah lifts up in obvious pain as Dr. Bailey uses her stethoscope to listen to his heart beat.

"You should probably call my parents," he says to Miranda.

She shakes her head, "Call them yourself when you walk out of here."

We're in the OR now and we're just about done with Jeremiah's surgery. I look up at the monitors then back down into the field, "I need more traction. Dr. Grey?"

"Here give me some suction there," Dr. Bailey says as Meredith gives suction.

"Now Grey, retract the duodenum. Good," Dr. Bailey says then looks to another doctor, "How's he doing?"

Dr. DeSheers responds, "Harder to ventilate and no urine output since we started."

This isn't good. I shake my head, "He's shutting down."

"Did you increase his peak pressures?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"Any higher, I blow his lungs," the doctor says as the monitor beeps, "Bradycardia. Pushing 1 of atropine."

Dr. DeSheers injects atropine and there's no change.

"Try ventilating him manually, see if he starts coming back up," I suggest as the doctor starts pushing on a bag).

Dr. Bailey looks up at me, "Did we miss any bleeders?"

I shake my head 'no' after checking again, "The surgical field is clear."

"Agonal rhythm," Meredith announces as the monitor starts beeping faster.

"Any pulse with that?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"No carotid," Dr. DeSheers responds.

"Okay starting CPR," Dr. Bailey says as she hands over her suction pipe and starts performing CPR, "Push one of EPI."

"No extraordinary measures, Dr. Bailey," I try to remind her, "He's DNR."

"No this is just good medicine," she responds as the others stop what they're doing.

Ten minutes pass and Dr. Bailey is still performing CPR.

"Come on! Come on, don't give up. Come on," she shouts, mostly to herself, as she continues CPR.

"You're getting tired. Let me take over, Dr. Bailey," Meredith says as Dr. Bailey moves away and pulls her to where she was standing. Meredith starts performing CPR.

"Dr. Bailey, his intestines are cyanotic. There is no blood circulating," I say trying to talk some sense into her. She's completely lost it.

"It's been shunted to his brain where he needs it," she says to me then looks at Meredith, "You call those compressions?"

She moves Meredith out of the way and resumes CPR. Meredith and I make eye contact. I don't really know what to do anymore.

"Fight it. Come on," Dr. Bailey shouts as she continues CPR. I just shake my head and look around the room to see everyone staring at Miranda terrified. She looks up and shouts, "Why isn't anyone moving? Whose recording?"

"It's been ten minutes since we've had a perfusing rhythm," I answer while trying to stop her but she shrugs me off. The monitor flat lines and I speak up again, "It's your call, Dr. Bailey."

She still continues CPR and counts aloud, "1,2,3,4… 1,2,3,4… 1…"

She suddenly stops. The only sound left is the monitor flat lined.

"Asystole," Dr. Bailey says pulling of her mask and looking at the clock, "Time of death: 19:26."

She walks out of the O.R trying not to cry. I look over to the scrub room to see Dr. Bailey furiously cleaning her hands. She stops when she sees some of the doctors covering up Jeremiah's body. I decide to join her in the scrub room. When I walk in, Dr. Bailey resumes washing her hands. I start scrubbing out and as Meredith walks in, Dr. Bailey is leaving the room.

I sigh finishing up and say, mostly to myself, "It's hard to accept the end when you're too close."

I walk out of the room leaving Meredith to scrub out alone. On my walk to my office, I see Dr. Bailey standing off to the side of the mezzanine alone and she pulls out her cellphone. I wanted to talk to her so I decided to be nosy until she finishes so I watch on from the nearest nurse's station.

"Hi. Mrs. Tate? It's Miranda," she nods as her voice breaks, "Miranda Bailey. I'm calling about Jeremiah. I'm so sorry."

She starts crying. I can't continue to watch this. I turn away shaking my head and I declare this day a horrible day. I just want to go home to my bed. I make my way up to my office to grab my things and within the next hour, I'm sitting at home on my couch with glass of liquor in my hand. I can't say this is my first glass of the night but I can't tell you how many I've had either.

I hear my doorbell ring which is quite odd because I wasn't expecting any visitors. I make my way to the door and I open it to reveal Meredith who's staring at me questionably. Is it that obvious that I've been drinking?

"Look," I say defensively, "I was married for 11 years. Derek is my family… That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. Not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to at least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I'm entitled to a least one moment…" I trail off when I realize that Meredith isn't arguing me.

She simply nods her head and walks inside closing the door behind us.