Reader request. An au where Jiraiya survived his fight with Pain and gets intensive surgery by Tsunade, but gets taken care of by reader. They grow close as reader helps him through some difficult moments during his recovery.
Day one of recovery. With supplies needed in hand, you make your way to certain hospital room. You enter the room without announcing yourself. The occupant inside is still unconscious. You shut the door and pull the curtains for some more privacy.
Your bedside manner is a little rusty, but you can do this. Lady Tsunade trusted you to do this. You mustn't disappoint. Patient care to this degree isn't normally part of your job but Lord Jiraiya is a special case. Supposedly you are the most qualified.
He survived by the skin of his teeth. At the moment he's covered from shoulders down in bandages. Blotches of blood are blooming through his dressings as they have reached their time to be changed. He's still recovering from an extensive set of surgeries. All of them done at the same time. His internal organs and the punctures that caused them had to be stitched together. His lung had to be inflated back to normal and the water that filled them had to be pumped out. The amputation to his left arm had to be taken back further due to the shattered bone and messy break of the wound.
It's just a lot.
Poor man had to be sewn back together at the seams. Despite the all the work done to him, he's doing well with recovery. He's reacting well to the drugs being pumped into him. His vitals haven't dipped or gone erratic. His complexion has come back from grey to his natural shade as his blood stays in his body. He must have the will to live. A will to live so strong that he's going to pull through. Yet there's still much work to do.
The damage to his throat was seen as non life threatening and pushed aside for now. The most that was done to it was repairing the airway so he can breathe, which is an operation that can be done mostly with a very talented hand in chakra control. It's an emergency procedure, lots of emergency fixes like that can be mostly repaired with chakra and plenty of patience. It's simply a temporary fix. It is far from operating normally.
His larynx is still in rough shape. The probably of his voice ever working again, at least for now, is slim. Her ladyship is researching and working on a solution, if anyone can do it she can. His damage is reminiscent of that to those who suffer cancer of the larynx. There's a chance that if she does succeed in repairing his voice, he could be stuck with you for sometime for speech therapy. A surgery like this hasn't really been done before. Not to that extent. He may stutter or have trouble forming certain vowels.
Time will tell. Lord Jiraiya has hardly gotten the opportunity to recover from these surgeries. The surgery for his voice won't be set until he's spent time with you monitoring his recovery. You set down your supplies and start with a simple checkup. You activate your chakra and place your hands gently on his body. You scan to see how his injuries are doing. There's small flares and pulses as you detect the injuries, but nothing has become undone. He's still on track. He just needs to wake up.
You move on to some of the care his lordship needs. Everyone was so frantic when he was dropped off by one of his toads the day previous. He was rushed into those surgeries that lasted hours and was handled by Tsunade herself. She and her most talented staff worked until they almost dropped from exhaustion. Jiraiya was placed in this room and you were called to be his caretaker. Most of those who worked on him are asleep after such extensive work. You have no active cases and as the head of your department, you were deemed the best to watch over Jiraiya while his friend rests. At hearing the request you were quite flattered that the Lady Tsunade saw you worthy to watch over someone she loves dearly. It's a lot of pressure but you can handle it. For now you start with the basics.
The poor guy is still showing signs from his battle. Dirt and blood is smeared on his face. His hair while laid under him it's easy to see it's tangled and splattered with filth. He's still wearing his pants. When given a case like this, sometimes doctors and nurses overlook the small things to make sure he didn't keel over in the night.
So it's up to you to change and tidy him up. Once he's got at least that done you'll call in help to assist you in hoisting him up to change his bandages. He's far too big for just you to do. You start with the small things. A warm wet cloth to wipe off the old grime. You start with his face, using gentle dabs to clean it.
Lord Jiraiya cringes. His eyes clench and nose scrunches. A quiet groan follows. His lips tighten into a thin line before he relaxes again. When you wipe under his eye to clean it of a streak of blood, it opens for a moment. Both his eyes do. Only a few millimetres before shutting again.
"It's alright. You're somewhere safe." You comfort him. "Rest."
His heavy eyes refused to open any further than those slits before falling closed again. He goes back to being limp and catatonic.
Next comes the more interesting things. You're a professional... it's not like you haven't done this before. Yet for Jiraiya it does feel a tad bit odd. You must strip down a Sannin. From what you heard he would quite enjoy something like this. Some of the nurses warned you that the Lord Jiraiya was flirty and handsy whenever he had to be admitted.
At least he's asleep, where you don't have to worry about that kind of stuff. You pull off his pants. Then his underwear. You pay no attention to the intimacies on his body. You focus on the care. The poor man needs a change of clothes. These ones are dirty and torn. Not to mention the days of being in the same underwear. Gross. He's in need of a bath. Unfortunately with all his open wounds he won't be able to have one for quite some time. The least you can do is give Jiraiya a quick wipe down and something clean to wear.
Sounds began to break the quiet. Not quite a laugh, but painful weak heckles. You look up to see Jiraiya had awoken. His dark eyes are looking at you. They are mirthful with the same mischief he's known for. At least he's in good spirits. You look down to see your head is level with his crotch. You feel a wash of heat take your face. You scowl at him. Perv.
Perfect timing. Leave it to him to wake up as you are changing him. You put his new undies on. Followed by his pants as unsexy as you can. He caught onto your flustered yet restrained reaction and his hyena like chortles continue.
"Can you sit up?" You ask.
His dry lips parted. He took in a breath.
"Ha-!" Was as far as Jiraiya got.
He broke out into a horrible coughing fit. It sounds like he's choking on something. You rush to his side and roll him over. If he's on his side he can safely cough up whatever is caught in his throat. It looks like a painful process. The best you can do is rub his back as he coughs. Eventually he retches up a congealed glob of blood.
It's dark, so it's old. Must have been from his battle, a bit of blood that had caught in his throat and remained there until he could properly eject it. There's nothing to worry about. Still so you double check his body with the same method as before. His wounds are undisturbed. You use the cloth to wipe off the spatter of spit and blood that stained his lips before containing the blob in the cloth itself. You toss it all into the bin.
The fit had caused Lord Jiraiya to be a shaky mess. His face is cringed up in pain. His complexion is grey again. His breathing is loud and he's all sweaty. You sit on an inch of mattress by his hip. It's... not professional, but you play with his hair. Strands of it are stuck to his mouth and lashes. You push it back so you can see more of his face. He had his eyes clenched and jaw tight. It formed quite the grimace. Then he went limp. Weakness from his fit had sunk into his body.
"You'll be alright." You assure again. "I'll go get you some water."
A wheezy groan was all he managed to reply with. You stand and take the first step to get new supplies. A weak grip around your wrist stalled you. You turn to see Jiraiya trying to hold on.
"Relax, milord. I'll be right back." You tell him.
"Ahh..."
He let go, having had succumbed to the consequences of his fit. You leave the room. Not for long. You return with aid to help you get him properly fixed up. By that point he had returned his slumber.
Day five... Jiraiya is doing quite well. He's sitting up by himself. He's eating. He's surprisingly in okay spirits. He lost his non dominant arm, so he's still able to do basic tasks. He's using paper and pen to write his words rather than speak them. He's been quite insistent that you drop all titles and simply refer to him by his name. He always crinkled his nose whenever you called him with his title. Lordliness wasn't exactly his style, as he put it. He smiles when you call him by his name, as if the simple gesture meant worlds to him.
Jiraiya has some admirable qualities to him. This is the first time you have interacted with him so closely. Now that he is more awake and aware you have began to learn about the type of person he is. He didn't like being too serious about things. He'd much rather make you smile than be all gloomy about his situation. He's also a determined man.
He ignores his call button for medication. He endures the pain rather than having it numbed. You've grown accustomed to coming around every two hours to administer his dose for him. He frowns when you do. Sometimes he pouts. He'll write you and ask why a pretty lady like you must harm him so. He breathes through clenched teeth and tenses whenever you inject him. Maybe he just doesn't like needles.
Day seven and Lady Tsunade had finally visited him. They were both fairly quiet. Jiraiya didn't have much of a choice. Tsunade didn't seem to have much to say. She sat beside him, mostly in silence. You aren't sure what they spoke about. You didn't eavesdrop. It's not your place to be so nosy.
When she left and you were asked to assist him, he was quiet. Well... he's always quiet but this was a different quiet. He wasn't as animated. He usually smiles at you. He'll write to you about what he wants to talk about. But today he didn't even pick up his pen. The pages he may have filled talking to his friend are crumpled up and held tightly in his fist. He stared out the window, jaw tight and eyes steeled from setting free whatever slew of emotions he's going through. He didn't even acknowledge you... Not even when you gave him his dose.
Day ten was a better day.
"Don't move." You whisper with a smile.
Jiraiya raises a brow at you. He inhales and holds it with a dramatic raise of his shoulders. Between the blades of the scissors you place a piece of the bandage. These scissors could cut off fingers hence your lighthearted warning. It was mostly a joke but if he adjusts while you snip your might catch his skin. You snip the bandages. He's well enough to no longer need of bindings. With the assistance of chakra aided healing his wounds have closed.
In your studio of sorts, you unravel Jiraiya's torso from its bandage prison. He's still a mess even if he has claimed victory over one feat. He's still barred from showering as his freshly formed scar tissue is still tender enough to break if he scrubs too hard. It's a stretch to even call it scar tissue. It's red delicate late term scabs, picking at them could make them bleed. Even if the deeper wounds are healed the surface is still quite delicate. He's still bound to muteness. Not for much longer. His vitals are strong enough to be considered for his larynx surgery, which Lady Tsunade had finally figured out a solution.
"There. A free man once again." You joke.
Usually Jiraiya smiles or wheezes the best laugh he can. He always laughs when he can but recently he's not so smiley. He has been a little down since whatever he spoke about with her ladyship had dampened his spirits. There's even some evidence that he hasn't been sleeping. Whatever he spoke about with his friend was troubling him greatly. You aren't close enough to ask about it. The best you and do is try and get him to smile. His tired eyes are on his reflection, paying you no more mind.
In the physical therapy studio attached to the hospital, there are many mirrors. Wall to wall like a dance studio. The point being the same. So your patients can watch their form during their session. Today is Jiraiya's first session. He's scheduled for basics. Breathing exercises. Perhaps test the full range of his mobility now that he's able to move. Even try out a prosthetic if he wishes.
He stands and walks closer to the mirrors. You remain where you are to watch him. His expression isn't exactly sad, but it's clear he's not happy either. He raises his hand and put it on his chest. That spot was where one of the rods was pierced deep in his flesh. It's a fresh scar over an old one. You don't know the story of that scar.
It's a terrible scar. It was like a child's attempt at drawing a swirl and lightning at the same time. It twists and runs from the centre of his torso before scattering in thick uneven zigzags all over the front of his torso. Now there's an oval over one of the zags between his pectorals. It would have been pulled closed and stitched as any seen to wound would be, but the scar tissue already there wasn't as elastic as fresh skin and resisted the pull of the stitches.
There's another red mark on his right shoulder just right before the joint that connects his arm to his shoulder. If a little to the right he wouldn't have that arm either. Or at the very least it wouldn't be fully functional. His hand drags down his skin, following the paths the mix of scars made. Specifically he is inspecting his new scars. He nearly flinched when touching the amputation scar of what was left of his left bicep. That area will be sensitive for some time. The deep trauma and possible phantom pains will haunt him for who knows how long. It's three scars. Three curved lines that intercept in the centre. It was the best way to sew it up. But at the moment you can't help but think they should've done it differently to lessen his scarring.
The last he touched the line on his left hip. Out of all of his newly acquired battle scars, it was the smallest. He looks himself over again at a slowly before moving on. His eyes are careful to look over the aftermath with careful attention. It's all new to him. Yet familiar. Then Jiraiya pushed his hair over his shoulder before craning his neck to see how his back fared. That too now is scarred. With lines leftover from the doctors' work. Thankfully he didn't have stubborn old scar tissue that wouldn't pull close on his back. All that was there were thin lines that would line up with the punctures and hopefully will fade better than what's on his front.
You remain silent as you watch him inspect. It's odd to see Jiraiya so off put by his appearance. He's usually so confident and sure of himself. The type of person that struts and flaunts cuz they know they're handsome even if others don't agree. It probably didn't help his hair is filthy with dirt and blood. He's different from the man he was last he looked in a mirror. He stared at his hand for a few moments, as if he was deciding something. After a moment he touched his throat. You aren't a mind reader, but anyone can see what he's thinking.
"Soon I'll have another one."
Part of your job is to comfort your patients. Retraining the body is hard. Lots of your patients have had times of doubt, pain, and hopelessness. A lot of them react like this too. The scars can be a lot for some. You are there to boost them. Pick them up when they're down. If you don't they tend to stay down. You grab the shirt that match the standard set of hospital pyjamas he's wearing. The top is a button up and is open fully. You drape it over his shoulders and smile.
"You're still quite a handsome man." You tell him with a fully confident smile. "Ladies like a man with scars."
A small smile pulled on Jiraiya's lips. Some of that misery left. Even if it is just a little, it makes you feel good. His eyes look best when they're happy. The shroud over them now isn't suited to him. It somehow made his black eyes even darker. Like the night sky when it's cloudy. A pitch black void that hid the real mystique of something so complex and pretty. His lips have been moving in a silent reply. It took a few moments of staring but you finally figured out what he's mouthing to you.
"You really think so?"
"Yes," you reply with a nod. "I think you're pretty hot."
His eyes widen. A moment later to see his cheeks gain a blush. You tilt your head in curiosity. Did you just make Jiraiya bashful? He looks a mix of flattered and embarrassed. It's only a simple compliment. Yet it seems he really took it to heart.
It's not professional... but you linger closer than you should. You smile and touch the oval scar on his chest. He's somewhat used to it, since you give him a checkup every day. But you never touched it like this before. Where you are touching it just because. Today he placed his hand over yours and his smile grew.
It made your heart skip a beat.
Day twelve... it was odd. Good odd.
You noticed something whenever Jiraiya was with you. He kept scratching at his scalp and grimacing whenever getting a look at his hair. He can't shower... but you can help. Jiraiya is a good student that's always on time with his sessions. So you got some time to get something together before he shows up.
He took to his lessons quite well. Running on the treadmill put a smile on his face. It's clear being able to move again has boosted his spirits. He tries to push himself but you must stop him from accidentally doing more harm than good to his healing body. He pouts at you when you turn down the equipment after he turns it up.
It's a requirement that those who suffer limb loss must learn how to use a prosthetic, but he didn't really like it. His excuse was that it hurt his amputation too much and he's doing fine functioning without an arm.
You have learned something about him that makes him... endearing. Working with Jiraiya so often has made you learn how he functioned as a student. He's like a lot of your much younger patients. He likes to have some degree of fun. Doing some of the breathing exercises disguised as games got him enthusiastic to do it on his own time. He wanted to race paper clips only using puffs of air with you at least once a day when you check on him. Anything to cure his boredom. He wanted you around more often. To talk. To spend time. Doing little things that makes the day go by. It's something you look forward to. It makes the long shifts at the hospital much more enjoyable.
Jiraiya holds your hand when he's sleepy and you're there to check on him. His medication had to be switched and it made him tired more often. It makes you feel strangely. A good strange. The way he smiles at you makes your heart flutter. No one has ever smiled at you like that before. Sometimes you think about those lips of his doing other things to you. They look soft and pleasantly warm.
What were you doing again?
You blink as you lost focus on your task. The kettle is squealing as it boiled. You take it off of its heat pad and walk over to the bowl on the floor. You stole both of these things from the nurse's break room. The bowl was big enough to plunk a head in. Hopefully it's big enough to hold most of Jiraiya's hair. You pour the hot water into the bowl. After so long it would be doubtful that Jiraiya would want icy cold water to be drenched in.
Your beloved patient entered right on time. Jiraiya stopped beside the exercise bench you are kneeled at. He looked at you and the bowl, confusion very clear in his expression.
"You still can't shower, but I can at least clean your hair." You explain. You patted the bench to invite him to lay down. "Come on."
Jiraiya looked reluctant, but after a little bit of convincing him that he will feel much better with clean hair he did lay down. You gathered up his long mane of hair and dunked as much as possible into the hot water. The pleased sigh that left him told the truth of how badly he wanted this. When you scratched at his scalp, making sure to really get those spots he was always ruffling he let a scratchy sounding groan.
The noises he made were almost explicit. Groans and moans of pleasure. They only got louder when you shampooed it. He really did want to get clean. You must be scratching at places he couldn't quite reach as he was oh so happy to have you get into those crannies. His toes curl a few times.
It's a little hard not to enjoy this. Seeing him so pleasured by something you're doing is exciting you. You indulged him as much as you could, freeing his hair of all the old filth and restoring it, enjoying his appreciative gestures maybe a tad too much. He's kinda cute when he's grinning so lewdly over such a simple thing. Honestly he's just... cute. You could do this all day. If only you didn't have other patients to assist today.
Alas you can only drag it out for so long. The water is getting cold. You wash the suds and dirt away with a mug you also stole... you'll clean it.
It was satisfying to clean his hair. The slight grey it has turned was banished as it finally returned to the brilliant white it was supposed to be. It was fun to play with. Jiraiya has long luscious locks that are begging to be played with. He liked it too. When you check on him and he's napping, you always reach out to brush away the hair from his face. He always adjusts slightly in his slumber and smiles. Now you get to really rake your fingers through it and place some twists in it before releasing. It's pleasing a need you hadn't fully realized you had. What would he look like with braids? Maybe one day you can convince him to let you braid his hair.
You towelled off his hair the best you could. Jiraiya sat back up and took over from there. He ruffled his hair with the towel. You look down at the water out of curiosity. It's dirtier than you expected. You probably still missed some of the dirt, but he was happy. If he's happy you're happy. He shook his head like a dog does when they get wet. Then he shook it out more slowly, letting the long locks fall down his back naturally. He turned around to look at you.
Jiraiya's expression changed. His smile of appreciation faded into something peculiar. It was bewilderment mixed with a realization. He's staring into your eyes as if trying to read your every thought. His cheeks gain a rosy hue. His lips part and he inhaled.
"Hai-!"
He choked and coughed. You sat beside him and rubbed his back. That must hurt like hell. His lungs are still recovering, it must be painful to cough like that in their condition. After the attack he laid down.
You tensed as his head landed right on your lap. His tired eyes closed. He's panting like he ran a marathon and his complexion had turned pale again from the stress the fit put on his body. While he relaxes, you stare. The heat on your cheeks was enough to light a fire. You sigh out your tension and relax. You hesitantly place your hand in his hair, petting back the damp locks away from his face. Slowly a smile forms on Jiraiya's lips. His body relaxes with a large sigh.
A small smile grows on your lips too. A warm tingly feeling prickles along your skin. He's so close.
Day sixteen... Sigh.
What are you doing anymore? You adjust the pillow under Jiraiya's neck. In response he groans in a weak wheezy tone. You get lost in staring at his peaceful face for a moment. Something about it makes you happy. He's still unconscious after his surgery. His throat has a medical pad taped over it to catch any blotting. It went well.
His surgery was a major success. It went as well as Lady Tsunade could have predicted. She handled all the delicate work herself. Her phobias of blood are so easily set aside when it came to saving someone she loves. Her determination is quite inspiring to watch.
How do you know all of this? Because you were there. As a physical therapist, surgery is far from your expertise. You have never performed it nor are you qualified but you are still a doctor... and Jiraiya wanted you to go in.
You helped get him prepped for the event as it seems your presence calms him. He was nervous. He kept glancing at you with a pink tint to his cheeks and shifting in his bed. If he could talk you'd imagine that he would be asking questions about his surgery like any person would. Instead of talking you simply held his hand and smiled at him. That seemed to slightly calm his worries and but he was still antsy. You accompanied him to as far as you could, which was just outside of the surgery room. You broke away from his bed with the intention of waiting outside but he grabbed your hand. He stared at you with a silent question.
"Come in with me?"
Lady Tsunade said she was okay with you being there so long as you didn't get in the way. You had some minor knowledge and training in anesthesia so you assisted in that area. You didn't want to be a burden or totally useless during the procedure.
Jiraiya was... well he... well... he watched you. His gaze on you the whole time he was put under. The calmness was nice yet a little eerie. He wasn't scared anymore. Was he anxious about asking you to come in? The moment you scrubbed in and stayed with him he has been completely relaxed. His fingers brushed against yours. You held his hand. He smiled at you. You couldn't resist squeezing his hand and pushing back those stubborn baby hairs that like to stick to his skin.
"I'll be here when you wake up." You promised him.
He nodded, looking completely at peace. His eyes grew heavy. He exhaled deeply and the grip on your hand went lax. He was successfully put under with no hiccups. That's always a good sign. By the time you adjusted his head to the proper place and looked up, the surgeons were looking at you. They were watching the exchange, a knowing in their amused eyes. Lucky you had a mask on. They couldn't see your blush. Lady Tsunade tutted her tongue and rolled her eyes before beginning the process.
Rumours spread fast in a hospital. Soon the nurses on this floor were bumping their elbow against your arm and wiggling their brows at you. You like Lord Jiraiya. You had to quietly tell them that he's just Jiraiya to you. They burst into giggles and behave like they're giddy children. They're teasing you. What's worse is they're right.
You do like him. He may not be able to speak, but he's easy to understand. He writes down his thoughts to you all the time. He has the most contagious grin. His positivity around you boosts your day. When his eyes are on you all you feel is warmth. He's good looking too. You've dreamt about kissing him and tracing his scars while telling him how pretty he is.
It's very unprofessional. You probably shouldn't be his caretaker anymore. Technically there's no strict rules about these kinds of things. It's slightly frowned upon but you can date your patient if you wish. It's just a matter if Jiraiya actually likes you back.
You sigh again. You sound like a child. Does a boy like you back? You gotta deal with your friends teasing you about liking that boy. Warm fingers touch yours. You look down to see the hazy gaze of your crush looking at you. He's awoken from his medically induced sleep.
"Hnn.. Aahhh." Jiraiya weakly tried to speak.
"Hush." You advise. "You shouldn't try to speak right away. Your vocal chords are still very sensitive. You might do more harm than good if you try too early."
He frowns. A certain amount of desperation is in his eyes. It's like he had something very important to say to you. His hand grasped yours more firmly. He placed your hand over his chest and he kept trying to speak. You keep hushing him.
It's hard to even tell what he's saying. His voice is hoarse and scratchy. It's hard to listen to.
"Whatever you have to say it can wait." You urge.
"Haaaii... Aaaaiii... Aaahh!" Jiraiya grit his teeth and grimaced as he kept trying.
With your free hand you caress his cheek and shush him again. You pull away the locks of hair that's blocking the edges of his pretty face. You're right over him now, your face only an inch from his. You keep whispering the same thing. His voice gets quieter. But as he grows quieter, you finally understand what he's trying to say.
He's doing his best to say your name. It's hard to listen to, but at the same time it's so wonderful. He's getting frustrated. It's clear he wants to say more. He can't. His brow furrows as his mouth hangs open on a wheezing note he cannot hold.
"It's okay, Jiraiya. You can tell me later." You say.
Jiraiya shook his head. He let your hand go. For a moment you are disappointed. It was nice having him hold your hand. He grabbed the back of your head and pushed you down. Your lips collide with his. It was messy. It lacked finesse. Your teeth bump against his. His lips are devouring yours. It expressed how much he wanted to do that.
You broke it slowly, leaning backwards at a slow pace to savour it. That... was unexpected. It was good. You just realized that you're smiling. Your cheeks are warm. Jiraiya ran the back of his fingers down your cheek. He's in a state similar to you.
"D... D-Daaa..." He stuttered with his weak voice. He placed his thumb over your lips to keep you from hushing him again. He steeled his gaze with determination. "Date?"
Your first response is to chuckle. The very first word Jiraiya says and it's to ask you if you'd like to date him. For some reason it is amusing. There are much better words to say.
"I'd like that." You reply.
He wheezes out a laugh. You lose your balance when he pulled on you. You land on top of him and he holds you there. As bold as ever he runs his hand down your back and cups your ass. You squeak in his grasp. This is escalated quickly! He's surprisingly strong even in this half drugged state. You didn't fight his grip. In fact you melted into it. You place your hands around the back of his neck into his hair. It was hard to keep kissing him. He could hardly stop grinning. Neither could you.
All those days led to now. Eighteen days of recovery.
The village... is in chaos.
People are dying. Buildings are collapsing. There's strange men invading your home and taking it down with ease. You swallow nervously. You grip harder. You can't take your eyes off of him.
A man with cold unusual purple eyes. Paler than death. Tall. Emotionless. He stares at you unblinking and unmoving. It took so much to make it this far. You grabbed Jiraiya's hand and dragged him away from the hospital. You had only one goal in mind as you tried to get him away from this battle.
You won't let Jiraiya get hurt by these people again.
"Move." You whisper. "You have no use for us."
The man doesn't say anything. Just standing in front of him is terrifying. There's something so exposing about being so close to someone so... dead. There's no human expression there. It's so uncanny to stare at a human face and see no emotions to it.
You grip onto Jiraiya tighter. You are shielding him. Although that term seems... odd. You are much shorter and frail than any ninja. That included Jiraiya. Even in the state that he's in he could outfight you. You have no battle skills or experience. It must seem somewhat comical to stand so sure before one of the men who had cut him down. If these people took down a Sannin what chance do you have? You don't have any. You don't really care. You won't leave him behind.
"Where is Naruto Uzumaki?" The man asked, staring not at you but at Jiraiya.
"I... I-I don't know." Jiraiya replies in his hoarse quiet voice. "E... Ee.. Even if I-I did, I wo... wouldn't tell y-you."
It's still hard to hear him speak. While he's doing well in therapy, he still sounds awful. It's weak and struggles to make more than a few words at a time. His stuttering was more due to him forcing himself to continue to talk. It improves everyday.
The unnaturally still human didn't show a response. Not annoyance or anger as most are when given that answer. He looks back down at you. All the nerves in your body jump, as if they wish to leap out of your very skin. They are screaming for you to get away. But you won't. Not without Jiraiya.
"Do you care about this woman, sensei?"
Jiraiya sucked in a breath. He tensed. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you back. Your back presses against his chest. You can feel his hammering heartbeat. He's worried about you.
He... He shouldn't be. You are in charge of him. It's your duty to protect your patients. Even if the only date you managed to go on with this man was sharing his hospital food on his bed. The most you got about your feelings about him is through a few quiet confessions. You called him pretty. You like his odd habits. But if it came down to it... you'd still sacrifice yourself. If not for duty, then for love. It would be a death you'd proudly take.
You clench your eyes shut. The intimidating presence of the man is looming closer to you. You'll surely die. It's a process you don't want to watch even if it is considered cowardly. It may not be professional, but you aren't technically a ninja anyways. There's a noise of metal grazing against something. Like a sword being dragged along grass.
The air is taken from you. Not in a way you expect. Jiraiya pulled you back. You are suddenly running blindly behind him. You open your eyes and stagger to find footing to keep up with him. He's heading out of the village. He's aiming for the cover of trees. His long strides are hard to keep up with. Your legs are shorter than his but he's determined to book it as far as he can with you. His breathing becomes more wheezing as he pushes himself.
He slowed down. You stop beside him. You rub his back as he tries to catch his breath. It may be a tad... funny. He's beat his personal best since recovery. Why your brain has monitored it at this moment, you aren't sure. You don't know how to process anything right now. Running past all the ruin of your home was shocking. Death lining the streets in the form of bodies and shattered buildings. Perhaps the familiar habits is all you have to hold onto the memory of what your home was before it got ruined.
Jiraiya straightened himself out. He looked at you with a mix of things. From worry to even admiration. He smiles at you. With his hand he caressed your cheek and wiped away something off of your cheek. Maybe dirt. Maybe tears. You can't really feel your face at the moment. The adrenaline is numbing you to it.
Alas the high does come down. As you calm, you feel more. No one had followed you or him. It's quiet. For a moment it almost seems peaceful. Birds are singing, blissfully unaware of the horrors happening not far away. There's a warm breeze in the air as if it's a normal sunny day.
"Y.. You were wi.. willing to-!" Jiraiya struggles to say it. Whether it's because of his sore healing throat or the emotion that was choking him, you can't tell.
You smile at him and return the tender gesture he's doing to you. You tuck some of his hair behind his ear. It's a small thing you began to do for him. He likes having his hair played with. It always gives you an excuse to be near him and touch his face.
"It's okay. Let's not talk right now." You say. "Your throat must be aching."
His fingers gentle dragged down your face, pulling on your lips before releasing. He put his hand over yours. His eyes fall close as he savours your touch. He's behaving as if you were medically declared dead but came back to life by miracle. Much like how he had. You must mean more to him than you thought.
You rise on your tippy toes and manage to reach his lips with yours. You give him a small peck. To which he leaned towards you to keep it going for longer. He guided your arm to sling around his neck and he held you close. How he's kissing you is conveying all he feels in that moment.
The flapping of wings broke the majesty of the moment. Jiraiya broke the kiss suddenly and snapped his head in the direction of the sound. His eyes watch with an acutely alert interest as the song birds that were once peacefully singing their tunes had fled in flocks. They're flying the opposite way of the village.
"What?" You ask.
"D... Danger!"
Danger? He grabbed your hand more firmly and made to follow the birds. But it was too late. There was a rumble, deep and mighty. As if the earth was shifting from a deep slumber. It's followed by a strong wind.
You are yanked off your feet. Jiraiya pulled you against him and he crouched down. He's now your shield. Your vision gets clouded by the dirt and debris that followed whatever insane force that caused the wind. It kept battering the man holding you. Things began to ricochet off of his hair as if it were made of steel. There's a loud groan as a tree was pulled from its roots. You watched it fall towards you. Fear gripped you like icy fingers squeezing your heart. You watch in horror as it gets closer. The most you manage to do was gasp.
Then darkness followed.
Awakening again was... shocking. You figured death had made its final debut with that tree. You are in a shelter. A tent. Laying in dirt with a familiar button up pyjama top laid over top of you. You aren't alone. There are other people around you. The smell of ointments and wound wash is a familiar but no less nasty of a perfume. The soft groans of pain from several voices is also quite telling. Sitting up and looking around revealed your hunch to be true. It's a medical tent full of the injured. A temporary shelter when no hospital is available.
You stand, feeling nothing but a few lingering aches in your legs and back. You'll live. You pull the shirt around your shoulders, the smell and warmth of it is the only comforting thing around. It's Jiraiya's shirt. The one from the hospital. You exit the tent, navigating the rows of patients was simple, pulling up the flap was a tad harder. You lack your normal strength. Outside are a mix of ninja and citizens. A hubbub of people pulling together to do what they can. Sawdust and rice is in the much fresher outside air.
There are some frames up for new houses among the tents. People are moving along like this was the norm. There's no where to really start. Nothing is familiar aside from the people. You move into the makeshift streets as you seek out one person. The only person you want to see.
Quite surprisingly, you find Jiraiya quickly. He's among a crowd of his colleagues. They've collected around him, as if awaiting him to make some sort of command. He looks a tad reluctant to be under their attention.
What sticks out immediately is that he's okay. He's got some bandages wrapped around his arm, but other than that he's fine. He's even got on different clothes, where he got them... you got no clue. A few people have on something similar. Which is the most basic kimono of a solid colour and made of cheap linen. Some were even patchwork of all the colours the others are made of. Perhaps someone had brought them as a donation to help whatever this situation is? It's nice to finally see him out of his hospital pyjamas. He looks good in navy.
His distracted gaze is looking around. He doesn't look fully invested in whatever his comrades are talking about. His eyes land on you for a moment before moving on. Then they return, snapping back to you as he realized you were there.
Jiraiya maintained eye contact with you for several moments, as if he wasn't sure he was totally sane seeing you there. Relief followed once it sunk it. He exclaimed your name before running towards you. The crowd spit to let him go unobstructed. Their eyes landed on you too. They smile.
You braced for impact. Jiraiya still almost knocked you over. He held you tightly, uttering your name like you've been gone from his life for years. You hug him back. He's so warm. His hug feels like it has healing properties.
"I was w-worried about you." He whispered.
"I'm okay." You reply. You pull back so you can look at his face. "Your voice sounds better."
He huffs a laugh before kissing you. Your hands rest in his fluffy hair as you kiss him back. There's a few hoots and cheers as his friends witness the reunion. The kiss breaks when his lips pull into a grin.
"Sorry, they're a bunch of clowns."
"It's fine. There are worse ways they could be reacting."
He chuckles before kissing you again. He held your hand and escorted you back to his awaiting pack, where he officially introduced you to them. It seems he's told them stories. His face got a tad red when he admitted to talking about it. All his stories were about the kind doctor that made his transition back into normal life so great. Yet life didn't seem so normal.
You were filled in on the details. You've been unconscious for four days. Apparently something hit you hard on the head during that wind storm. The camp is what is left of Konoha. The rubble of the old buildings was cleared away and this concave crater in the ground where the camp is laid is where the village once stood. The blast that had knocked you out was what turned this wonderful place into dust. At the moment, Konoha was more like a refugee site than a village. But her people are strong. They will survive.
It's odd that Jiraiya is doing so much. He's hardly in any condition to be giving orders. But you learned that Lady Tsunade was in a grave state after expending almost all her energy to the extent of it almost taking her life to save the lives of her people. She's still in bad shape and unconscious.
People were looking to Jiraiya simply for the fact that he was her colleague. Her friend. Someone of same values and strengths. But he wasn't named her successor. Yet again he refused to take it. Danzo had taken the mantle and was away to see the other kage for a meeting between all of them. Jiraiya was more or less just a stand in. He was caring for his people while the leader was away. Although... it seems he wasn't accepting Danzo as his leader. He was against it and got rather heated when he spoke of it. Plenty of others were on his side. It seems a lot of people were upset by the choice.
What calmed him down was being around you. While the threat of war was really starting to fester, he found comfort with you. It seems Jiraiya was finally drained when it came to conflict. He didn't have it in him to fight anymore. He can't really anyways. Without an arm he can't form any seals. It seems he's more comfortable trying to build a more peaceful life with you. He still helps anyway he can, but it bothers him that he can't be in the fray with his friends and loved ones. It's an internal struggle. He'd rather be left out... but not entirely. He wants to do something he's just not quite sure what that is.
You do what any girlfriend would want to do for their boyfriend. You distract him. With kisses and conversations about anything in the world. It's much more fun to talk about the things that make him happy than watch him be miserable. He has plans for writing a new book. He likes fried chicken. He's got a habit of smoking when he needs to brainstorm about something. Which isn't all that bad. While you are a doctor and know the grim statistics of such a habit, he does it so rarely that his probabilities of long term harm are quite low. Plus it's kinda nice to kiss him and taste that hint of smoke.
From what you did know about him before getting involved was that Jiraiya quite likes hot springs. Not just for pretty naked women around, but the supposed healing properties of the water. He likes the warmth and minerals that seep into his muscles and undo the stress. The steam that clears the head. Those kinds of things.
"Where are we going?" Jiraiya asks.
His voice is back to normal. If still a tad quiet. He can't raise it without it being quite painful. Apparently he spent a lot of time doing his voice therapy you taught him as he waited for you or Tsunade to wake up. His laugh was different. Naruto had described it as loud and cheery enough to brighten up those on their worst days. With a throat unable to withstand such volume, Jiraiya now is stuck with a less wheezy version of the chuckles he often did while in recovery. It's still a good laugh. It's lovely to listen to. His whole chest moves with it, it is very nice to hug him and feel the rattle of his chest as he laughs.
"I found a place I think you'll really like." You answer. You turn around and hold his hand with both of yours. "I know you've been stressed. I want to help."
Jiraiya tilts his head and smiles. He looks amused and appreciative of your thought process. He follows without anymore questions. You lead him further away from the settlement into the calm darkness of the woods at night. Only people born and raised here are at ease in such an environment. The sudden smell of humidity and warmth alerted him to what you are doing.
What was left of the natural hot springs that fed into the bathhouses of Konoha was mostly still in tact. The small waterfall that led from a deep mountain crevasse was still flowing unobstructed into a more wonky shaped pool. The upper one was fine. The lower was obliterated. It seems someone had taken the time to repair the hole in the dam so that the pool would stay filled.
"Do you like it?" You ask.
"I love it. I could use a good soak." Jiraiya replied with a smile.
"Your hair could be cleaned again too."
He frowns at you. A light blush grows on his cheeks. You've teased him a few times about how he reacted when you washed his hair. Now that the weird awkward phase of the relationship was over and it's been nothing but getting more comfortable, it's easier to make jokes about it. Especially now since he lets you play with his hair all the time.
You make the first move, grabbing the sash that's holding his kimono together. Your heart is pounding as you pull on the knot. Jiraiya puts his hand along your hip. He moves his fingers underneath the fabric of your shirt, touching your bare skin.
"Is it really fair that you get to undress me again? I haven't seen you naked once." He mused.
"That doesn't count!" You complain. You get flustered as he snickers at you. "Hospital service is hardly sexy!"
"Oh I don't know about that. Waking up to a pretty lady pulling my pants off is a sexy way to wake up."
You huff and puff your cheeks out in a pout. Jiraiya continued you laugh at your expense before giving you a kiss. He pulled you close against him, grabbing the hem of your shirt and lifting it. You raise your arms to make it easier and he strips you of your shirt. Once you are you untie his sash.
It's good to undress him not in a hospital. He looks good healthy. He smells nice. Odd to say maybe, but for the longest time he smelt like ointment and blood. There's something comforting about not smelling all the sterile scents that a hospital has on him. It's a sign that he's doing okay. It's nice to be with a Jiraiya that is living a life free of all of that. Sure you helped a little, but you won't take credit. It was mostly Lady Tsunade who pulled this man together. You just got him used to the new lifestyle his retired one armed life is now. You pull the robe off his shoulders and the material falls off of him. Pretty. Rugged but not unpleasant.
To your surprise Jiraiya looks hesitant. As if doubtful in himself. It's a subtle presence. A shade in his eyes and a timid hunch in his shoulders. Is he embarrassed? About what? He's built like a god... He's been blessed with a full package deal. Strong, tall, handsome, a quirky personality, and endowed enough to please any woman. He sheepishly scratches at the back of his head which is accompanied by his most bashful of smiles.
"Sorry... I'm not much look at now."
"What do you mean?"
"Well uh... I don't know." He muttered as he looked away from you. His hand rested on the overlapping scars on his chest. "I guess I don't feel as confident as I was before this." His hand traveled over to what he usually affectionately calls his stump. "I mean just look at me. It tells a sad story doesn't it?"
It does bug him more than he lets on. You put your hands on his shoulders. He raised his gaze back up to meet yours. His face is grim as if he's expecting you to flatly agree.
"I don't think it's a sad story." You say. "It's a story of triumph. You survived everything life threw at you. That's something you should be proud of." You lean closer and rise on your toes to give him a kiss. To which he received with a palpable gratitude. "I think you're still hot."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Remember what I said? A few scars won't scare me away."
Jiraiya huffs out a laugh. That rosy colour is back on his cheeks. He placed his hand on your cheek and guided you into another kiss. You move your hands so that you're embracing him. His hand runs through your hair before moving it down your body. He began to play with your pants. You help him take them off, your lips occupied by his the whole time.
Once nude, Jiraiya pushed you towards the water. A gentle soft push that you went along with willingly. You step into the water and he joins you. It's very shallow. Only up to mid shin. It's not much but it's good enough. You kneel down with him in the warm water.
One thing led exactly where it was meant to go. There was a few rough moments. Jiraiya flinched a few times when you touched the scar leftover from his amputation. It was a mixture of the sensitive nerves and bad memories flaring up. He got so red when you paid so much attention to his other scars. You stayed away from his bicep and focused mostly on his torso. They weren't as sensitive.
It was wonderful. His touch is gentle. He cried your name. He apologized a few times. You hushed him because there's nothing to apologize for. He still got you off and you got him off. The time spent afterwards wasn't strange or uncomfortable. You laid next to him with head propped up on the rim of the pool. It's a cloudless sky. The stars had never looked so pretty.
"Can I confess something?" Jiraiya spoke suddenly.
"Of course you can. You can tell me anything."
"I think I'm in love with you."
The air was stolen from you. You stare at him as he stares at you. His face is serious but the smallest of smiles was present on his face. Whatever stress was on his mind was gone, or at least forgotten for now. He's confident in his words. He reached over to you and caressed your face.
"Without you I wouldn't be where I am." He continued. "I'm... happy with you."
"I was just doing my job."
"You did more than that." He rolls over, using his one hand to help him move closer to you. You roll as well to face him fully to make it easier on him. "If not for you I don't think I would have made it as far as I have."
You rest your hands on his chest. You rub up and down, enjoying how... alive he is. Warm with a beating heart. A kind and joyful presence. He changed your life. He makes you feel special. He's the first person in your life to do something like that.
"I love you too." You say softly.
Jiraiya let's out a loud breath. He smiles. You are taken by surprise with a passionate kiss. You hold him as he does so.
Time went on as peacefully as it could. With bad news coming down with worse news, all one can do is try to do what they can. You helped the injured, healing what injuries you could and being an aid to those more experienced in more advanced healing jutsu. You aided those who needed additional therapy, for both physical needs and the occasional mental. Jiraiya was more or less the leader stand in. He grew to enjoy his role, taking care of his people was rewarding. Coming to you every night to hold and provide the best of comforts was something he looked forward to.
He still looked conflicted hearing how the fighting was going. It just sounded confusing and exhausting. The only thing that put him at ease was hearing that Naruto was thriving under the pressure and the people he loves aren't dead. All he could do was hope for their safe return.
Time just keeps going. It's fairly boring when not directly in the fight. Helping in any way is the best you and your partner can do. Just ensuring that the home you love keeps getting rebuilt and the people are doing well is all you could ask for. If you keep it up with him at your side, there will be no need for long hard recovery anymore. Not for the villagers. Not for the ninja. Not for the world.
Then there was a time... where things got all... smudged together. Like when stuck in a state of awake but not quite there. Where it all seemed strange but welcoming. As if being hugged by someone you love but haven't seen in a long time.
What you saw when that moon... when dreams and reality where blurred. When living a waking utopia was suddenly real... well...
You don't really like to think about it.
You're living it now. Sometimes when you think too hard you fear it is just a dream. A peaceful life with someone you love does feel too good to be true some days.
Life couldn't be more perfect. It's a peace built from many sacrifices. Because of that it must be cherished. Even a quiet afternoon like this is a blessing, no matter how normal it is now. You glance to the clock after checking on dinner. A thoughtful hum leaves your throat as you consider your next move. You now live in a small cottage home within Konoha with your husband and two fur babies, Kumo and Fuyu. With a garden you care too much about filled with vegetables and flowers. It's the type of life you always wanted.
You began to make your way to the small office space your husband often spends his time in. It took some convincing to adopt some animals, but Jiraiya eventually gave in. As peace continued to thrive he relaxed. He allowed himself to bask in it. To enjoy every aspect of it without fear it will end.
The retired sage enjoyed his simple life now. He's proud of the legacy he left behind. The people carrying the torch are doing so with care and poise. There's no need for him to fight anymore. He has a wonderful wife that supports him. He wears comfy simple kimonos everyday. He's a writer full time. Finally he lives in a world where he can pursue his real passion without interruption. At the moment he's reading over his most recent edit. His hand needs the break from writing. Kumo is purring up a storm in his lap as he offers the old sap some head scratches.
The white cat is a lot like him. Large, likes to be pet, enjoys lots of attention from you, and missing a limb. He was the first fuzzball you convinced him to adopt. You had fallen in love with Kumo once you saw all the similarities between the kitty and your husband. Fuyu was a street kitty that was getting picked on by some kids just outside of the house and Jiraiya ended up saving the little thing. She's petite and fur the colour of coal. It wasn't so hard to figure out why she was getting picked on. Such superstition now a days is so silly.
Jiraiya never figured himself a man to like cats but there's something enjoyable about taking care of a mostly independent animal. Both Kumo and Fuyu are fairly easy to take care of. They did their own thing most of the time. Kumo was the more cuddly of the two. Fuyu more of a windowsill percher people watcher. Her sleek black tail is the only thing visible from the drawn blinds. It's swaying back and forth calmly. Poking it or stroking it caused a meow and a little black paw to lash out and strike the hand that dared to touch her precious tail.
"Honey?" You announce your approach.
You wrap your arms around Jiraiya from behind and hold him. You peer over his shoulder to see what he's doing. He's almost finished the final edit of his newest book, a sequel to his very first book. He stops petting Kumo and sets his hand over the words so you can't see what's written. He's been secretive about his manuscript. You've barely read two words of it because he won't let you read it. Rather adorably, he gets embarrassed if you ask too many questions about it. It only makes you more curious to what on earth mister porn writer could be flushed about you reading his work.
"You should take a break and freshen up." You advise. "Naruto will be here any minute."
"What? Is it five already?"
"Almost. Come on, I'll help you."
Jiraiya stands, shooing his three legged companion off his lap. Kumo makes a noise of complaint from being ejected from such a cozy spot. You hold your beloved's hand as you lead him out of the office and into the bedroom. It's hard to stay focused once there. Jiraiya couldn't stop touching you. He tried to take off your clothes, grinning widely and wiggling his brows in a joking way. Now is not the time. You offer him a kiss, hoping that will satisfy him for now.
"Later." You whisper.
"Looking forward to it."
You help him get prim and proper. Jiraiya likes his simple clothing but you force him to dress a little nicer for the guests. He held the brush out to you, dangling it like a prize for you to take. You are the only person in this world he trusts with his hair. You roll your eyes and take the offering. You brush his hair and play with it. It's still so pretty. It's soft and fluffy. Sometimes he lets you braid it, which looks rather dashing on him. You move his mane away from his neck. The smallest section of a scar is poking out of his collar. You can't resist giving it a kiss. He likes it when you pay those small marks on his body attention.
"Hmm..." Jiraiya hums as you pay him so much attention. "If you keep doing stuff like that I won't be able to wait till later."
"Calm down, honey. We all know what happened the last time you lost your patience."
He chuckles. What's a little accidental nudity among neighbours? He twists around and pins you down. He's above you now. He leans down and kisses you. The simple kisses turn passionate. Soon his hand his moving under your shirt. You hum and pull the shoulders of his kimono down. His skin is soft and wonderfully warm.
"Pervy Sage! We're here!" A familiar voice called.
Jiraiya sits up suddenly, leaving you breathless and a little needy. He smiles excitedly and grabs your hand. You are yanked off the bed and whisked away. He charges through the house to greet his godson happily. Of course it's not just Naruto. Hinata had come as well. The newlyweds have been inseparable since they got together. It's very sweet to see them so in love. The boys share a hug. Hinata turned red when your husband nearly killed her with his affectionate bear hug.
You had grown close to them both. Naruto saw you in a similar light to Jiraiya. You've grown motherly over him and it feels so good to have a person like him in your life. You really grew close to him when helping him in physical therapy for his amputated arm. The striking similarities between master and student was uncanny. He was just as positive and enthusiastic as Jiraiya was during such a difficult situation. The both of them make a few jokes at the expense of their lost limbs. Although Naruto had the advantage of his prosthetic now and could shoot a couple more japes at his one armed teacher.
You stay mindful of Hinata's more reserved boundaries and offer the girl a less intense hug. You don't know her as closely. She's a good girl and a great influence on Naruto, so you do like her a lot. She's just so quiet that holding a long conversation with her is hard. Which you can understand. You too are married to a loud bubbly chatter box and tend to be quieter. You welcome them in warmly.
Quickly the boys began to drink as the night went on. They're both loud normally. With alcohol they're a riot. Supper does little to absorb their alcohol or dull their volume. But everyone is happy. It's just nice to live such a relaxing life. You rest your head against Jiraiya's shoulder. You've grown sleepy. How they all can stay awake so late is baffling and slightly worrying. The warm hand you've come to know everything about strokes your back as if you urge you to sleep deeper.
It was close to midnight when your family left for their own home. You still leaned against Jiraiya as you said goodnight to them. He ushers you to bed. The moment you hit the sheets you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him overtop of you. He willingly fell and held you in a passionate kiss.
"Were you pretending to be sleepy?" He asks once the kiss breaks.
"You know Naruto. I love him and he's a wonderful man, but he just doesn't want to leave unless it's very clear he's imposing."
Jiraiya chuckles and shakes his head in amusement. It's true but you rarely use such tactics just to get people out of the house. Not that he minds all that much. It means being along with you. You pull off his kimono after he pulled off your clothes. It's not long until you're moaning and gasping his name as the top of your head is being smacked against the headboard.
After another steamy love making session, you cuddle with your wonderful husband. Your body pressed against his. The feel of his skin against yours. He still flinches when you bump your arm against his stump.
"Sorry." You whisper, finishing the apology with a kiss to his chest.
"Don't apologize. I should be used to it by now."
"It's okay not to be."
A deep sigh rocks you against him. Jiraiya moved his hand up your spine with a soft touch. It tickles but it's not unpleasant. You stare up at him with a smile. You rub his shoulder and kiss his chest a few more times. It's never fun to see him get down about his scars. You rest your head against his shoulder and grow sleepy.
A gentle kiss is pressed against the top of your head.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you too."
Your fingers brush and rub the scar on Jiraiya's chest. Feeling it there was comforting. There's something about that scar you like best. It's gruesome in a way since it's so close to his heart, but nice in what it represents. He's your striving survivor. Without him you wouldn't be so happy.
There's light dips in the bed as the fluffier family members find spots on the bed to curl up and fall asleep. This is the life you always wanted. Peaceful and full of love. No one could wish for more.
You rest easy knowing that the next day will be just as perfect.