In Which Addison Keeps her Cool

"Dr. Hahn…"

"Wait for it."

"Dr. Hahn? He…"

"Just wait!" she shuts Miranda up as all of a sudden the heart starts beating. She smiles to herself, "And that's how we raise the dead in Erica Land."

"Good job, Denny," Miranda whispers to his unconscious body on the table. I look over to see Izzie but she is gone.

I walk out the viewing room and I see her in the gallery crying. I don't stop… I walk out of the OR and I see Meredith and George still sitting under the OR board. I just stare at her and she stares back at me. It's like we're having our own silent conversation.

I get a page from the Chief. It's about Camille… I'm assuming her parents are here. I wish there was more I could do for her. She's still so young. I wish I could give her the rest of her life. Walking downstairs to her room, I watch as a woman walks into Camille's room with Adele. Richard is standing in the hallway outside her room watching on.

I decide to approach him with caution. I sigh, "Hey. Camille's parents here?"

"Yes. There aren't any options?" he turns looking at me.

I frown, "I could do a hysterectomy and ovariectomy, and pick out the remaining ovaries. I mean, we could try chemo, maybe radiation, but the cancer's spread. To her liver, her lungs, her bowel. Even if we were aggressive…"

"No."

"I hate this. I never get used to telling someone their kid's going to drop dead before she's 18," I pause realizing what I said and I turn to him, "Oh, damn it. I'm sorry. I didn't… I'm not usually this insensitive, Richard, I just… it's just been one of those days. I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"I'm gonna go…" I start walking towards Camille's room before turning back to him, "I mean, do you want to go in?"

"Oh, no, you go. They'd rather hear it from the treating physician," he waves me off and sort of points backwards with no real destination, "I got work to get back to. Deal with this Denny Duquette situation…"

"Okay," I half smile turning around and entering the room. Richard stands in the hall and watches as I start to deliver the bad news. He continues until Adele looks up and sees, closing the door to the room.

After delivering the terrible news, I find myself standing outside the conference room. All of Bailey's interns are in there so I'm assuming this is about the Denny Duquette situation. The door is open so I and a few other nurses are watching on from the hallway. It's silent for second until the Chief speaks up.

"Who cut the LVAD wires?" he says getting straight to the point.

Izzie speaks up first, "I cut the LVAD wire."

"Actually," Meredith cuts in, "I cut the LVAD wire."

"No. I did it. I'm the one who cut the wire," George says.

It's quiet for a moment until George nudges Cristina. She rolls her eyes sighing then says, "Fine. I cut the LVAD wire."

"I didn't do anything. I'm totally innocent," Alex says fast.

Meredith hits him, "Alex!"

"I wasn't even here. He knows I wasn't here. You think he doesn't know that? The guy's not mentally challenged," Alex says rolling his eyes.

George yells, "That's not the point. What about loyalty?"

"We made a an agreement," Cristina surprisingly says.

They all begin arguing and Richard yells, "People! I know who did this. So, you might as well come clean. I know."

"With all due respect, sir, if you knew, you wouldn't be asking us," George says.

Izzie starts, "I did whatー"

Meredith cuts her off, "You have your suspicions, but you don't actually know."

"Not for sure," Cristina adds.

George finishes, "And you can't do anything to any of us without proof, sir."

"Well, one of you compromised a patient's life. One of you stole an organ. One of you jeopardized the integrity of this hospital and of UNOS. Now, you tell me, and you tell me right now!" Richard pauses for a moment and gives them time to speak. No one does so he shrugs, "Alright, fine. No surgeries."

"Sir?" Cristina questions.

Richard cuts her off, "You heard what I said. No surgeries. No one scrubs in, no one watches from the gallery, no one so much as goes near the OR floor. Until someone confesses, the five of you will share a single patient: Camille Travis. Whatever she wants, the five of you will provide it! Whatever she wants. Now, get the hell out of my sight!"

They all run out and George looks amazed, "Wow, he didn't say we were fired."

"He might as well have," Cristina sighs, "No surgeries?"

"That wasn't bad. We got off easy," Meredith shrugs.

Cristina looks at her crazed, "Yeah, for now. You think this is over?"

"I could really use a good coma right now," George sighs and then nods, "A nice, long coma."

"You know, there's only been three careers I've ever wanted," Cristina pauses, "Ruler of my own planet, Wonder Woman, or a surgeon. And I don't see any invisible planes or extra countries lying around."

"I will go back and tell him," Izzie interrupts, "I will tell him it was me."

"And get kicked out of the program?" Meredith exclaims, "You will keep your mouth shut. We all will keep our mouths shut."

"This is crap. I'm turning her in."

"Alex," Meredith hits him.

He looks back at her with a shrug, "What? You were the one who said we had to stand by Izzie. But now I get stuck catering some V.I.P. chick patient? I don't think so."

"Alex, I am sorry and I really do appreciate what you did for Denny," Izzie pleads.

He rolls his eyes, "Oh, shut up. Look, the only reason I lied to Burke is because I wanted in on that transplant surgery. I don't care about Denny and I hope you get thrown out on your ass."

"Hey! We stick together. You know, we all did this. Nobody's a victim. We… we stick together," Cristina says then she looks a little taken aback. Meredith and Izzie give her strange looks then she sighs, "Damn it."

"Thank you," Izzie says to her.

This is the first time I've ever seen Cristina look so sincere, "You're welcome."

"We can handle this. Camille Travis is a kid with cancer," George says, "So, we give her whatever she wants for a couple days. How hard can that be?"

"Harder than you might think," Miranda walks up to them with Camille's friends, "This is Claire and Natalie. Camille Travis' friends."

"Her very best friends in the whole wide world," Claire says.

Miranda smiles at the interns mischievously, "Girls, who exactly is Camille Travis?"

"Like, the Chief of Surgery's niece," Natalie answers.

Miranda poses another question, "And girls, what does the Chief of Surgery's niece want, exactly?"

"Like, a prom," Natalie answers again.

Claire adds, "No. Like, the best prom ever."

I laugh to myself and when I look back up, I notice Meredith staring at me. She smiles softly at me and I smile back to her before I get paged to the ER for a consult. I wave goodbye and she pouts then I pout as I walk away from her.

When I'm done, I'm come out and I see Richard and Bailey at a nurse's station going at it. That is until Richard turns around yelling loudly, "Everybody goes to the prom! Everybody!"

I watch Miranda roll her eye and when she notices me I laugh. She walks over to me with a smirk on her face, "At least if I have to go to this stupid prom, everyone has to go."

"Not to bother you, butー" George interrupts. When we turn around to him, it's all of her interns.

Miranda looks at them like they are stupid and I stifle a laugh, "What? One of you better spit out the problem right now!"

"The problem is the colors and the balloons and the 'Under the Sea,' 'No, it's Titanic,' 'Hey, let's go with Tears in Heaven,' 'No, it's too morbid,' 'It should be pink,' 'It should be red,' 'It should be a freaking rainbow,'" Alex retorts.

Meredith smiles adorably at me, "What he's saying is that we're very, very hopeful that one of you speak teenage girl."

I nod and we all walk back in the conference room where Claire and Natalie are waiting. They start tossing their ideas at me and I shrug them all off, "Silver and white. It's mystical and magical, without being over the top. Ever see fashion week in New York? Lots of silver and white runways and backdrops. That's because no matter what color the clothes are, they pop."

"They pop?" Natalie questions.

I nod, "They pop."

"Sounds good," Claire looks to Natalie.

Natalie nods, "Yeah."

"O'Malley and Karev, get 500 balloons in silver and white and 100 in black. Shiny black, not the matte. Yang, stick with Camille, keep her happy, keep her spirits up. Make sure she has her shoes, dress and makeup on standby. Grey, get with Patricia. Make sure we can rope off the second-floor nurses' station and the waiting area. And get some catering menus. Got it?" Miranda starts shouting orders and the interns look at her pleadingly, "Oh, no, no. You don't get to look at me like that. No, you compromised my medical license. You nearly killed a patient, lied to the Chief of Surgery, and made me, your resident look bad. We're gonna do this prom and we're doing it right. Move!"

They all disburse.

Later, I am standing in front of the OR board and Meredith walks up to me, "Hey."

"Hey," I smile back at her.

She stands by my side and looks at the board, "How's Preston?"

"He's recovering nicely," I just say.

Meredith is silent for a moment, "Addison…"

"What?" I say turning to look at her.

Meredith smiles, "Will you go to the prom with me?"

We just smile at each other.

Richard comes out conference room and he calls all of Dr. Bailey's interns. Unfortunately, that means Meredith. She looks at me with that pout of hers as she makes her way into the conference room after the others.

A few others and I watch on from the hallway, where the Chief is grilling each of the interns one by one while he has the others sitting outside the door. Alex is the first one in, "I went to college on a wrestling scholarship. I played baseball, some basketball, but you know we'll go with football…"

"What the hell does football have to do with who cut the LVAD wires?" Richard interrupts.

Alex sighs, "Let's say you were drafter to a team that wasn't your first pick. You know, you don't like the players. You hate the way they play the game. You even think the quarterback is full of crap. Now the quarterback's a pain in the ass that you don't owe a damn thing to, but… it's your team. You don't quit. You don't talk to the press. You don't bitch to the coach. You just… you just go out there every Sunday and you make the blocks and you take the hits and you play to win. You show up and you suit up and you play. Because it's your freaking team."

"Just get out," Richard kicks him out and calls out, "Yang."

Cristina walks in and sits down. No one says anything at first… then Richard speaks up, "I know your type. You're a surgical junkie."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm just saying, it's not going to be easy for you to be away from the OR that long."

"No, sir."

"And if you want to get back to the OR, you're gonna tell me what I want to know. Aren't ya?"

"You're right," Cristina pauses, "It's not easy for me to be away from the OR. It's not easy for me to sit in front of you, or any other authority figure for that matter and not be able to give you the exact answer you want to hear. I'm the one with the answers. I've always been the one with the answers. But right now, sir, I don't have any."

"Dr. Yang…"

"How do you keep your edge, sir? Because I watch you. And you've been doing this a long time. You're clean and your focused. You are the job. Nothing gets to you. And the thing is, sir. I was like that. Until I got here. Until I actually started doing this job and now everything is… is fuzzy."

"That's besides the point."

"No, see, sir, this is the point. Because I can't tell you. What happened in that room...I can't tell you. And before, I could have. No guilt, no loyalties, no problem. Before… before I wouldn't have even been in that room. I wouldn't have gotten involved. I would have never frozen in surgery. And I would have told him what I thought he should do. I had an edge, sir. I had an edge and I've lost it. And I need it. I need it back," There are tears in her voice but I can't see her face yet it's still slightly unnerving, "So if you could just tell me how you keep yours and how not to be affected, I know I could be a great surgeon. So, if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it."

"You're excused, Dr. Yang."

"But…"

"You're excused."

"I'll tell you who cut the LVAD wires, sir, if you could just please…"

"No, you won't. I don't want to know," Richard says, "not from you. Yeah, I have the answers, but I can't tell them to you. I'm not going to be responsible for you becoming less human."

Cristina walks out of the office and Richard calls in his next victim, "Stevens."

"I'm a pretty girl," she says after a few moments of silence.

Richard looks at her funny, "What?"

"I'm not being arrogant. It's just… it's just kind of a fact. For a long time, I made a career from my looks, so I get it. I'm a pretty girl. And not in a "from-a-certain-angle" way. In an obvious way," she pauses, "It's the blonde thing. And the big boobs thing. Big boobs are key to "obvious" pretty, if you know what I'm saying."

"Dr. Stevens…"

"It's how men see me. I'm not a smart girl or an interesting girl. I'm a pretty girl. The blonds and the boobs, it confuse guys into thinking that I'm someone else. And I'm used to it. I'm used to them walking away when they realize…" she pauses, "but then Denny goes and asks me to marry him."

"Is that why you cut the wires?"

"He doesn't make me feel like I'm a pretty girl. He makes me feel like… like me. I think he might know me. And so, if I did cut the LVAD wire, and I'm not saying that I did, but if I did… then no. I don't feel guilty. And I know that I should. And I would if it were anybody else. But I can't feel anything but happy," she says coming to an end I assume.

The Chief switches Izzie out for George and they sit in silence for a long time until George speaks up, "Are you gonna… say anything or…? I'm not gonna break. I'm starting to get a little freaked out, but I'm not gonna break. It's not because I don't care. Cause I do care what you think about me. I do… care. I just can't tell you what you want to hear. Which seems to be a theme in my life right now. Just cause you can't say something doesn't mean you don't want to. You can want to very much. You can be with a person and be happy with them, and not love them. And you can love someone and not want to be with them. You don't need to… love someone… to want them. But it's frustrating. You know, when you brain tells you what you want and what you actually want don't match up, it's exhausting. And… well, it's complicated. But that's life. And life… sucks."

"Get out," Richard yells and lastly, calls in Meredith. He speaks up first, "I've known you for a long time. I know your mother and father. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you did not cut those LVAD wires. Meredith, I need you to tell me who did it."

"I've been going over this and over this in my mind trying to piece this together… It was you. You were the reason my parents broke up. And it wasn't just an affair. She really loved you. It wasn't just this cheap thing where she didn't tell you she was married. It wasn't all a lie. She left her husband for you… but you stayed with your wife because it was the right thing to do. Maybe safe, but she was the right person for you to be with. And let's face it, my mother?... Nothing wrong with being safe. Being with the good guy because you're good… and we are talking about forever here… You've never regretted your decision. You've never looked back… Right?" she questions him.

I'm taken aback. I'm speechless and apparently, Richard is too. He doesn't respond. He just excuses himself and leaves the room.

I walk into the wing they have blocked off for the hospital prom. The room is full of people dancing and having a good time. I scan through the crowd but I don't see Meredith anywhere. Instead I find Miranda and Cristina standing over by the table with the drinks. I walk over to the table and I pour my a glass. Too bad Mark isn't here to spike the punch, I think to myself as I sip my drink.

Miranda sighs, "Oh, I'm too tired for this."

"Where's your husband, Dr. Bailey?" Cristina asks.

She starts to stretch before she turns to Cristina, "Uh, at home with the baby… Thought that you would at least get to get out of this."

"Why?"

"Well, with Burke upstairs. What happened to him, I'm sure the Chief would have let you out," Miranda says nonchalantly.

Cristina looks off into nowhere, "Yeah…"

"Oh, God. I really wish there was liquor in this," I say changing the conversation. I look to Cristina, "Hey."

"Hey."

"You seen Meredith?"

"I don't think she's here yet," she says as the door to the room opens and in walks Meredith.

I swear the whole world stopped just to let her walk into the room. She's wearing a long sparkly black dress and she looks amazing. I walk up to her with a drink already poured and a smile on my face.

"Meredith," I pause taking in the sight in front of me, "You look absolutely stunning."

"You don't clean up too bad yourself," she jokes.

I hand her the punch and then I whisper in her ear, "It's non-alcoholic but I know where Bailey keeps her secret stash."

"Say no more," she says to me taking my hand and leading me out of the doors she just came into.

She follows me through the hospital and up to the attending's lounge. Once we're inside, I go to the cabinet on the far end and after searching all the way through to the back. I pull out Miranda's bottle of sprite.

"I love that she keeps it in a sprite bottle," Meredith comments as I open it up.

Pouring the liquor into our cups, I smile at her, "Don't tell Miranda I told you. In fact, mention this to no one."

We down our glasses and I ask Meredith if she would like a shot or two. I texted Miranda letting her know that I'd refill her sprite bottle and I thank her for introducing it to me last week. After a couple of shots, Meredith and I make our way back to the prom while tripping over each other and giggling the whole time. We walk inside and memories of my prom night rush back into my head. I can't help but laugh at the memory.

"This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek with braces and the lisp," I say looking over to Meredith, "Spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about Star Wars."

"Hmm," she pauses, "I hated Star Wars."

"Hmm. Thank God," I say looking around, "This is terrible… I didn't like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl."

"I wore a lot of black," Meredith says out of nowhere.

I giggle looking at her, "Oh!"

"Hmm. I had the whole angry pink hair thing going on. I wouldn't have been caught dead at a prom…" she trails off as I try to imagine what she would look like with pink hair dressed in black, "It was bad. So, you want to, um, dance?"

"Love to," I say as we walk to the dance floor. I see Richard, Claire and Natalie watching Camille and her boyfriend, Brian dance. A few seconds later, Richard walks up and taps Brian on the shoulder. Brian scampers off looking scared and I giggle turning back to Meredith. She's so amazing. I smile at her, "You're a lot hotter than my last prom date."

"Is that a compliment?" she stares up at me.

I blush, "Maybe."

"It feels like a compliment."

"Well, then it is," I declare.

Meredith smirks and it sends butterflies through my stomach, "Well, keep it up. You might get lucky."

"Well, now, how lucky are we talking? Are we talking kind of lucky? Or are we talking really, seriously lucky?" I joke.

Dr. Torres runs over to us interrupting, "Oh, the nurse told me to come find you. You have to come now. It's Izzie."

Meredith looks at me concerned and we follow Callie out of the doors and we are soon joined by Cristina and George. We follow Callie upstairs to Denny Duquette's room and we see Olivia, the nurse, standing outside.

George speaks up first, "What happened?"

"I didn't know what to do," Olivia pauses, "I didn't think you guys would want me to go to the Chief but…"

"Where is she?" Cristina cuts her off.

Olivia sighs pointing, "She's in there with him."

We all enter the room and that's when it hits me. Denny Duquette is dead and Izzie… She's in here just lying on the bed with his cold dead body. I can't… No one speaks… The air in the room… it's like there is none.

Cristina bravely speaks up first, "Izzie…"

"I think it was a stroke," Izzie cuts her off, "He was prone to blood clots. A clot could have formed on his sutures and traveled to his brain. It only takes a second."

She doesn't even sound like she's all here. Meredith steps up a little, "Iz…"

"Dr. Hahn did a beautiful job on the surgery… but I don't know why I didn't think of blood clots," Izzie holds onto him tightly as she starts to cry again, "He died all alone. He was alone."

"There was nothing you could have done," George tries.

Izzie shakes her head, "I changed my dress three times. I wanted to look nice. I would have been here sooner… but I couldn't figure out which dress to wear."

"Izzie," George tries again, "We shouldn't be in here."

"Iz, there are things that they need…" Meredith starts but pauses, "they need to move him."

"Take him to the morgue," she says almost mechanically.

Cristina steps forward, "You can't stay here. I know you want to."

"Can you please…" Izzie cries out, "please just get out? I want to be alone with Denny."

"Izzie, that's not Denny," Alex says walking into the room.

Izzie shakes her head, "Shut up."

"Iz, that's not Denny," Alex says once more walking up to her bedside, "The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Denny. Now, I know you love him, but he also loved you. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself. Because it's not Denny. Not anymore."

"An hour ago he was proposing. And now… And now he's going to the morgue. Isn't that ridiculous?" she gets out before she starts sobbing, "Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard?"

"Come on," Alex says picks her up and carries her to a chair. He holds her in his arms and just sits there rocking her.

I can't do this… I'm too drunk for this and I can't… I can't stand here and watch her in pain like this. I turn around walking out of the room. I rather go be at this dreadful prom and forget about all of this. Maybe even go back to Bailey's stash.

I'm standing alone at the punch table when Richard and Miranda walk up to me. Richard grabs my attention, "Addison."

"Yes".

"Uh, have you seen Bailey's interns? Grey? Yang? I'm looking for Izzie Stevens in particular."

"Uh…" I trail off not knowing what to say.

Miranda interrupts hinting towards the door, "Chief."

When we look up, we see Izzie walking in followed by George, Alex and Meredith. She walks up to us with the rest of them lingering in the background, "It was me. I cut his LVAD wire. I did it. No one helped me. And now… I thought I was a surgeon, but… I can't. I thought I was a surgeon, but I'm not. So I quit."

"Izzie," Miranda calls out after her as she turns to leave with Alex and George trailing behind her.

I sigh and say mostly to myself, "I guess that… puts an end to the evening."

"Yeah, I guess it does," Richard says walking away.

I walk up to a clearly distraught Meredith and just hug her, "Come on. Let's go home."

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