M/M fic. Warning for internalized biphobia, homophobic conduct from others, past child abuse.
Perhaps... it was only a matter of time. With a final push to compact your things you finish packing. The moment you close your bag and get it on your back, Jiraiya wanders in. He looks you over with a confused frown.
"Are you going somewhere, kid?" He asks.
You offer the scroll a toad had just delivered so he can read it. He's not going to be very happy. With that same quizzical frown he takes it and reads it over. His expression falls.
"You really have to go back?" He asks.
A part of you wants to say no. You'd rather stay by his side. He's your sensei after all. You are his disciple in practically every way. You fight like him. You wear the same traditional clothing style as him, only in your favourite colours. You have grown out your hair and keep it back by a ponytail... although that was more because you didn't trust Jiraiya with a pair of scissors nor did you want to go out of your way to find a barber. It's kinda nice anyways. You can tell he likes it too.
While you match him in aesthetics, you don't match in many other aspects. You are a loyal student but you aren't a good one. Or at least that's how it feels. You have failed your final promotion twice already and have fallen behind your teammates exponentially. The others are already off doing great things and Minato, despite his young age, is already Hokage based on his skills and wisdom. It didn't matter how much Jiraiya assured you that you are doing excellent and are progressing, you didn't feel the same. Among other reasons it's also why you agreed to travel with him. Some one on one time would do you some good. Student and master walking the road less travelled on an aimless journey... Learning... being together away from people. For over six years it's been this way.
But every road has its bumps. You have never denied what you are. You love who you love. And you have fallen in love with your teacher. What is there not to love? Big. Strong. Handsome. Kind and understanding. You want him to hold you and kiss you. Feel his hands caress you and touch the most sensitive parts of your body. To have that wonderful feeling of him pressing against you and his lips quietly uttering how much he loves you.
You also know that it shall never come to pass. Sensei has made it very clear how much he loves women. From his newly released book to his tendency to push what's acceptable behaviour for a man to do to a woman he doesn't know in public. You have been his wingman since you became legal. You helped him get a few dates. He's left you stranded without a room for a night plenty of times so he could have a full fun night with his date. There's hardly a dull moment with Sensei.
He doesn't even know you're gay. There's been a couple of close calls. Jiraiya often asked, more like pestered, you to go and chase some skirts. He's ushered you towards girls your age and encouraged you to get out there. But you often shuffled away awkwardly and found a different group to drink with. Not your type is an excuse that has worn down it's wear. Sensei thinks you have too high of a standard.
"You're never gonna get a date being so picky, kid!" Jiraiya scolds you often whenever you say that the pretty girl flirting with you isn't your type.
You're afraid to tell him the truth. If he learned that you are gay and suddenly turned his back on you, you don't think you can handle it. Your parents did that. He's one of your last support pillars. You need him in your life.
"Yes... I'm sorry, Sensei." You reply quietly.
It would be better to get away from him. Hopelessly pining for a man that will never want you will only hurt you more. You take the couple of steps towards him and hug him. He was surprisingly tense. It was like you told him someone died. He's upset that you're going.
"You'll write me... won't you?" You ask.
"Of course I will. As often as I can."
Finally Jiraiya wrapped his arms around you. He feels... weird. Strange. He's grown very accustomed to having you around. Dare he say you have grown into his favourite student. Not that you are a student anymore... and you ought to stop calling him a teacher. You are an adult now. And a fine ninja. All you need is a little confidence. Maybe this is a good thing. It's a chance for you to go out on your own.
But he still didn't want you to. Not that he can disobey a direct order. Lord Hokage himself requested you. It has to be for a good reason. All he can do is wish you safe travels.
"Send me a message when you arrive... just so I know you get there safe."
"You don't trust me, Sensei?"
"Of course I do. I guess I'm just worried." He steps back so he can get a good look at you. He smiles and pats your shoulders. "Sometimes I forget that you are no longer a child."
You are a man now. A good looking one at that. Jiraiya finds himself looking over your face, memorizing it. His eyes follow the shape of your lips and for a moment he wonders... what would it be like to kiss them?
As soon as that thought cross his mind he tried to banish it. He hasn't thought that way about another boy since he was a kid.
That's not... he's not?... Maybe? Is it possible to like both?
No... he just... will miss you.
Perhaps it's best not to overthink. There's been plenty of times the more impulsive side of his brain spoke of louder weirder curiosities. What would happen if he hit that person? What would kicking that bottle do? That girl is cute, what would happen if he hit on her? That guy is cute... maybe he should talk to him? Passing thoughts he should dismiss. This must be one of those thoughts. It's just sticking out because you are leaving and have no idea when you'll be back.
"I'll miss you, kid. More than you know."
"I'll miss you too, Sensei."
And with that you leave. You slip away from him and leave the inn. It's odd to walk away from a life you loved so much. Yet it was damaging. Sensei will always be Sensei. Perhaps there's a nice man for you in Konoha. But even as you walk away you can't help but feel that you won't get over Jiraiya anytime soon...
Time goes on. Sometimes it's fast. Sometimes it's slow.
To Jiraiya it was slow. The past two years was lonely. Without you it's just not the same. Hanging around bars is no fun without you. Going to hot springs is kinda boring without you to talk to... or look at. The long walks during the day are far too quiet. The nights are even quieter. And lonelier... colder. He's spent countless hours wishing you were there.
Today was going to be a good day. After two years Jiraiya finally has a good excuse to come back to his hometown. As much as he wanted to see you earlier, coming home simply because he wanted you when he was in a particularly difficult part of the continent to get to would have been frowned upon to say the least. But he has important intel that's too sensitive to send by toad. It would be best to having come from his hand straight to Minato's. Once that's done he can spend time with you... hopefully.
From your letters you have been quite busy. You recently got promoted to Jonin and have been taking on some difficult missions back to back. Good for you! It's great to see you flourishing. Yet a small part of your old teacher worries. He doesn't want to see you get hurt. You have always been ambitious and brave despite your quiet nature.
Handing off the documents went as smoothly as one could wish. Jiraiya got to not only visit with Minato but Kushina as well. She's been hanging around the office more now that she's on maternity leave. She's hardly showing now. Everyone is excited to say the least. So is he. That kid is going to grow up with the best parents who will cherish them.
Your name came up in conversation a few times. Maybe he reacted oddly but the young adults he loves dearly shared a look with each other. Like they know something he doesn't. Is there something he should know?
"Do you know where he is?" Jiraiya asks.
"Yeah, you just missed him. He said he's doing some shopping." Minato said with a casual point in the vague direction of the shops outside the window.
"Great!" He was maybe a little too enthusiastic. He cleared his throat and tried to recover. "I mean thanks. I'll go check it out."
"He missed you too, Sensei."
A wash of heat coats his face. The way they're both looking at him is flustering him. Why? Why are they smirking like that? Why is this so embarrassing? He's excited. A lot more than he thought he would be. He just... wants to see you really badly. And hug you. And breathe in the wonderful warmth and smell of you. And here your gentle soothing voice.
Jiraiya swiftly flees the tower into the streets. With haste he searches the market area for you. It took some time. Maybe slightly shameful for a shinobi like him to find his target. But you cut your hair. He didn't recognize you at first with hair cut to your ears. It's... nice. But he liked you better with long hair.
You're with someone.
Jiraiya stopped in his tracks. He's across the store from you. Far enough to stay hidden if he wants to be. Which he kinda is. He took refuge behind the end of the aisle when he realized the woman beside you is your companion.
You hadn't taken notice of him yet. Maybe that's for the better. You're with a woman about your age. You look quite close to her. Laughing and joking around. You knock your hip into hers lightly, she retaliated by doing it harder. It knocked you into the shelf which made you laugh harder as you fixed the bottles you knocked over. As any young couple joshing around would do.
He ought to be happy. But he's not. There's this sinking feeling in his chest. Like his heart just cracked and fell to his feet. He thought you were... but you never came out to him. You had your reasons and it's not his place to make you. Maybe you do just got high standards.
So he's been reading things wrong? But your hugs. Your touches. The little things you did felt more intimate and loving before you left. He thought nothing of it at the time but when he thought about it more and missed it he realized you were flirting. It was subtle and shy and for a dummy like him he totally didn't pick up on it. But maybe he was just being an idiot. Nostalgia sometimes gets more romantic in the head when he misses something enough. You he missed terribly.
"Sensei!" Your thrilled call pulled him out of his thoughts.
You took notice of him. He tried to play it off that he totally wasn't staring at you like a creep and tried to face the end cap to the items on display. You were beside him in seconds. You too look at what he's staring at with such interest.
"I thought you didn't like cereal?" You ask.
"Er..." He stalls on an excuse. He looks over the box and yeah... he actually hates this brand the most. "I thought I'd read the ingredients and see if it's still as bad as I remember!" He said and forced a laugh.
You raise a brow and smirk. Same old Sensei. Always looking to laugh. You close that bit of distance and give him a hug. Oh how you missed him! A wash of comfort floods you when he returns it. He's so warm.
"You cut your hair." He says.
"Yeah. Do you like it?"
"..." He runs his fingers through your short locks. It's not the same, but he'll get used to it. "Yeah. Any style looks nice on you."
Your companion makes her way over. You smile at her. Jiraiya can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. He'd rather your smiles be for him. You break the hug and take her hand. It feels cold without you so close.
"Sensei, this is Aya."
"Nice to meet you." He musters up as much positivity as he can.
It's hard to sound cheery but he'll try. Any woman that's got your eye must be a keeper. She managed to break through your high standards. Therefore she must be truly a gem.
"It's so nice to meet you too! I've heard all about you from your wonderful student here." Aya returned the greeting with enthusiasm.
Her smile is as bright as her hair, which is a brilliant silver blonde. She's just a ray of sunshine. Gorgeous too. No wonder you like her. Someone so positive and happy ought to be treasured. Hopefully you are being just as treasured. Someone like you needs to be.
"Want to go get drinks?" You ask. "Me and Aya just gotta put our shopping away and then we were going to go out."
"I don't want to crash your date, kid." His enthusiasm dies and his flat voice reflects it. Imposing on your day isn't what he wanted. But a stiff one after a blow like this did sound appealing.
"Don't be ridiculous! We'd love you to come along! It'll be like old times."
He hesitates for a moment. But it's hard to resist your big pleading eyes and pout to your lips. He can't say no to them.
"Alright. If you insist." He gives in.
"I do! It'll be fun, I promise."
Yeah. It will be. Spending a night with you is always fun. But being a third wheel isn't. Now he gets why you were always a little blue when he invited you out for drinks back in the day. He'd hit up women, you would help, he'd leave with the one lucky lass who fell for his charms. You would stay and have more drinks. You're a good wingman. You never complained. Maybe he ought to put in a night and talk you up real big to Aya. She has no clue how lucky she is... Lots of people should be jealous that she has such a great man. Lord knows he is.
"Want to come back and see our place?" Aya invited.
"No. That's alright. I'll just wait for you two at the bar."
"Okay. We'll be quick!"
She links her arm around yours and your little duo trots to the tills. You look happy. In a way Jiraiya hates it. He despises that woman for having you. But... why is this resentment so strong?
That question keeps coming up. He asked himself that when you left, when he realized what he feels for you is deeper than friendship or teacher and student. It's more than just curiosity or an impulsive thought.
Can he like both?
He doesn't know.
He's never fallen so hard for a man before. Women he's had plenty of times. But you... you infatuated him. The last time he felt this way... it was when he had feelings for Tsunade.
Connecting how he felt then to how he feels now was what made him realize. Everything about you makes him want you. Your sweet personality. Your looks.
What would it be like to touch you? To feel your soft skin under your clothing. To know what it's like to have your fingers grip his back and drag down his shoulder blades. To hear your voice call and gasp his name as he does terribly dirty things to you...
He doesn't really know what that entails but he'll learn!
Jiraiya sighs to himself. He's getting ahead yet again. You probably don't even like men. If you're with a girl like Aya what chance does he got? A big fat zero.
Just think about it, his mind pestered him. He's twice your age and half as good looking. If you were gay you could do better than him. He leaves the store empty handed. He makes his way to the bar you named earlier in the conversation.
It's still a little early before the big crowds hit. Jiraiya finds table in the bar and claims it for him and his party. He gets a drink so the staff doesn't kick him out for loitering and waits.
As if his thoughts weren't confused enough, now he's adding alcohol to the mix. It only makes things more blurry. Especially where he falls on his sexuality. Which he's been questioning for over two years now.
Girls? Boys? Both are quite nice. The first he's chased and enjoyed for his whole adult life. The latter he hasn't considered playing around with that much until he realized how he felt about you. The past two years he tried, but he didn't get very far. He's flirted around with men about your age with similar looks to you. But it's not the same.
Some liked his advances. Others not so much. He's been socked in the face more by potential male partners than he's had with females. Some are quite touchy on the subject. But his research had made him realize there's very little difference in asking out men and women. He knows what he likes with both. But much like how no woman will top Tsunade, there's no man out there that can top you. You are just too perfect.
Is he even allowed to have that option? Some part of him is telling him he's not right for being interested in both. But he can't come up with a good reason why other than people in his youth discouraged that type of thinking. Maybe it is okay? Or is it too greedy?
"Hey Sensei!" You greet as you sit down beside him.
"Hey... that was quick." Jiraiya replies with a bemused smile. He shoves down his troubling thoughts. You make everything better.
"We got the groceries done in double time so I could spend more time with you." You admit. You lean against him in a joking way... or is it? It feels good. "I missed you more than anything."
"I missed you too."
It falls silent as you stare at him and he stares at you. Your eyes are beautiful. It's been so long since he's gotten a close look at them he almost forgot the beauty they hold. They are set in the most handsome face he's ever seen. With soft lips he wants to kiss and nibble. He almost leans in to do so but gets ahold of himself.
"Shall I get us some drinks?" You ask suddenly.
You shot up to your feet, looking flustered. You didn't wait for an answer. You fled the table and weaved through the crowd to the bar. It's gotten quite full now. There's lots of people in this cramped space. Looking around to watch what kind of people have filled the bar tonight, Jiraiya notices something.
Aya is mingling with a group of people. But one of them is getting pretty handsy. It's a man quite different from you in looks and vibe. Much more brazen and out going. He's got his paws all over Aya, who is loving the attention. She's encouraging him as she dances rather provocatively with him to the music the bar is now blasting.
Now far be it for Jiraiya to be passing judgment on others for their behaviour in a bar, but it's irking him. He knows what you want in a partner. You used to talk about it during those late night talks you and him had. You were always very clear about having someone who was loyal to you. How awful. How disgraceful. He may have just met Aya but he doesn't like her for betraying that trust.
You sat back down holding two identical bottles of sake. You set them down, one for you one for him.
"They're already out of cups." You said with a disappointed sigh.
"Don't worry about it." Jiraiya patted you on the back. "I'm gonna pay tonight. You need it."
"What? Is something wrong?"
He glances over to your girlfriend who is obviously into the man she's grinding with by a different table. You follow his gaze. Your brows raise as you take in the scene.
"Sorry, kid. I know it's tough to find out this way." He comforts you.
It falls tense and quiet for several moments. Then you crack a smile. First there was a snort. Then a giggle. Then you began to burst into laughter. Jiraiya stares at you with a cocked brow. Now he's confused. Yeah finding out one partner is a cheating scumbag is always hard to process but he's never seen someone laugh so hard they almost fall out of the chair.
"Sensei!" You wheeze. "Aya is my roommate! We're only friends!"
"What? But I thought-!"
"I don't even like women!"
His mouth hangs open. Words evade him. A carnival of emotions run wild in him. First he's mad at himself. For being foolish and blind to what you like. Then comes a joy. That confident streak in him rising up as he realizes he's got a chance. But the burning shame and embarrassment pushes it back down. What a stupid assumption.
"I like you." You admit.
It's not so scary now. These couple of years have wised you up. You did experiment with other men in Konoha and have really learned what you like and don't like. Whenever you came home from a date you reached the same conclusion. If there's even a slight chance, you want to take it. You still have feelings for Jiraiya that won't go away. It's more than a crush. You've fallen madly in love with your teacher.
"I love you." You finally got to say the words you held in for so long. "And I'm glad I finally got to say it."
You got up to leave. He didn't have a reply. You have stunned him. He's frozen in place with shock. You are probably the first person to do that to the charismatic toad sage. You've never seen him so gobsmacked. It felt good to get it off of your chest. You don't want to stick around... just in case he got offended or mad.
Before you could take a step, a hand wrapped around your wrist. You are pulled back into your chair and the air was stolen from you with a kiss.
It's just as the couples in Sensei's book describe it. Like fireworks. Your lips are tingling with his on yours. It's hard to hear anything above the booming beat of your heart. His hand resting on your lower back and while the other cradles the back of your head felt like fire. Not the type of fire that burns, but a warm welcoming fire. Like a fireplace lit and awaiting you after a cold winter day. When it broke the lingering effects was sending exciting shivers up your spine into your tongue. You want more.
"I love you too." Jiraiya whispers. It's hardly audible above the noise of the rowdy bar.
It's too good to feel real. You hold onto his collar as he gives you more. The kisses are short and experimental. It's clear that partner isn't used to kissing men. It's certainly not how you've seen him kiss women. He's much better at it than this. They're a little tense as he adjusts to it. You cradle his head by his jaw and into his hair. With tiny adjustments he finds a better more comfortable angle to make out with you.
It really isn't that much different. It's actually nice. Really really nice. Kissing you is better than anyone he's kissed. You break it with a light suck on his bottom lip that you held onto for a moment before releasing. It does well to seduce him.
"That feels good." You spoke first.
"Yeah. Really good."
You share soft giggles with him as the giddiness of it sunk in. Funny how fate works. It feels so natural to be with Jiraiya. He relaxes. This feels so right. You feel right. There's so many things he wants to do with you it's hard to keep track. He goes back in with his hands more eager to feel your body.
"Sensei?" You ask once that kiss had broken.
"Please... say my name."
"Jiraiya..."
How you said it sent goosebumps down his back. No one has ever sounded so sexy saying his name. He runs his hands along the outside of your thighs. Why is it so thrilling to touch you? Everything about you is attractive to him.
"What is it?"
"I just want to take things a little slow."
That sounds reasonable. He agrees. He doesn't know where to begin with all of this. All he does know is that he loves you and he wants to do this right. You smile and caress his cheek. Your hand is cold. Or is his face really that flushed?
"See? I told you he was into you!"
Both you and Jiraiya look up to see Aya at the end of the table with her date in tow. Said date is looking at the two men obviously disheveled from kissing and holding each other close with a raised brow.
"Yeah yeah, Aya. You were right." You drawled on with sarcasm and an eye roll.
The way she beamed said it all. She knew all along. She had apparently put it together due to how Jiraiya wrote his letters to you. He sinks down in his seat with embarrassment. Apparently he's not as subtle as he thinks he is. But you thought she was just reading into things. Jiraiya always writes like he's flirting.
"Wanna come back to my place?" You offer. "Let's get away from all the noise and people. I just want to be with you."
"Okay."
You grab his hand and lead him away. Despite your insistence he did pay for the drinks. For being an idiot is not an excuse you accept. Alas he's quicker than you and grabbed his wallet before you could fish yours from your pocket.
Once all argued and done, you huffed and led him to your home. Your house is fairly large. Splitting the pay with another high ranking shinobi like Aya meant saving money but being able to splurge on a decent property. It's a bungalow with you having had claimed the basement for your leisure. It had been converted long ago into a renter's suite with its own separate entrance, a tiny kitchen, and full bathroom. There's also your bedroom and a sizeable bonus space that is furnished with a couch and a tv with a console hooked up to it. The old tile and crazy patterned carpet dated the place to what was fad when your teacher was young. As tacky as the more permanent fixtures are it is home to you.
In the comfort of an empty home it's easier. There was something about Aya's date's expression that sent a wave of unease. Jiraiya has a talent for reading people. That man wasn't keen about him and you being a couple. He's not quite sure how to deal with that but he knows he doesn't like it. Being with you should be just as accepted as being with a girl. But with only you around in a big empty house it's a lot more easier to hold you and kiss you. He can explore without feeling like a hundred eyes are staring at him. He wants to know what you feel like.
It's quite nice to make out with him. You do what you can to make him as comfortable as possible. Rubbing his shoulders and combing his hair away from his face like you've seen some of his dates do seems to calm him. All the while his hands are stroking up and down your back, getting lower with each pass. You jump in surprise when his hands graze your butt. Then you snicker.
"What? Is that wrong?" Jiraiya asks.
"No. I like it. I just can't believe you of all people are touching my ass."
"Well uh... you have a nice ass?" He tries.
"Thanks, teach!" You say with a laugh. "You do too!"
Your playful answer does little to comfort him. He sighs and plunks his head on your shoulder. Why does this feel so awkward? Like it's his first time being with someone. He was like this when he was experimenting with his first woman. He ought to be more confident but with you everything feels brand new. It's like he's twenty years younger and a blushing virgin all over again. He doesn't know where to touch or what to do.
"What's wrong? Is there something you don't like?" You ask.
"I like this. I just... I feel confused."
"About what to do? I can show you."
"I know that, kid. I want you to show me I just..." He sighs as he tries to formulate the words better. "I know I'm not gay. But I like you and I still like women."
"So you like both?" You ventured a guess. "Or is there something about me as a man? Am I the only man you've been attracted to?"
"No. I've found other men attractive but I didn't act on it until very recently. I only pursued girls because..."
You pet his hair. In a way your wise teacher feels like a lost soul. He's not sure what all this means. Thankfully you are here to encourage him.
"You didn't know. It's alright, Sen... Jiraiya. Not everyone knows they're bisexual until they find that one person they like that they actually want to pursue that side of them."
He stands up straight and looks you in the eyes. It's clear he is conflicted. But there's hope beyond that conflict and hints of fear.
"There are people out there that... are like me? That find both men and women attractive?"
"Yeah. It's more common than you think."
"And that's okay?"
"Of course it is!"
He sighs like the biggest weight is lifted from his shoulders. It's the validation he badly needed. What he feels isn't strange. Nor is it abnormal. It's okay to like both. You're okay with it too.
"Whoa." You state softly when he hugs you tightly.
It seems you are the first person to tell him that. You smile and hold him. What an odd reaction. It does make you wonder if someone in the past told him it wasn't okay. It all seems to make sense if he was fighting so hard on the inside about his sexuality. Poor Sensei. To deny apart of one's self for so long isn't healthy.
"It's alright." You comfort him.
"With you it does feel that way."
With that you show him your room. While you nor him aren't ready for sex, laying together in bed is a good start. Cuddling you was rather nice. Jiraiya couldn't help but draw some comparisons.
It's very different from cuddling a woman. Your flat chest against his is more enjoyable than he thought it would be. Without breasts in the way he can be very close to you. He asked if it was alright for both you and him to be shirtless. He wanted to know what it would feel like with bare skin. You agreed and you were happy to hold him tightly under the covers while half dressed. There's no obstructions. From shoulders to waist there's nothing but feeling your soft skin against his. You have new scars from battle. He couldn't help but trace them with his finger. They're quite nice, but he does worry about your safety. It didn't matter how much you whispered that a battle scar or two isn't anything to fuss over. The thing he noticed most was the obvious. Your crotch against his. It only piqued his curiosity more on what it's like to really be with you.
You're a good teacher too. The few new experiences have gone well. Like showering together. Or getting accustomed to touching each other in more intimate ways. You have seen him naked before and he's seen you, but the context was strictly platonic. Bathing in hot springs together for years hadn't made either you or him shy. Yet the situation of it now being for sexual reasons had made him rather bashful. It'll take time to get Jiraiya ready for topping you but for now you'll get him used to the other things. He's not sure how to pleasure another man. You are happy to guide him.
At least it's familiar. Your new boyfriend is well aware of all the parts on a male body since he's got the same parts. He knows what feels good. It's just applying that knowledge to another man that it gets a tad difficult. He wants to learn. For both your pleasure as well as his.
"Gently..." You advise in a soft voice. "Don't force it."
"Right. Sorry."
"It's alright. You're doing great."
He's red enough where his markings blend into his blush. You smile at him. It's all apart of the process. You told him a thousand times he doesn't have to do anything to you if it weirds him out in anyway but he's always been a trailblazer. He's been diving in to each new thing headfirst. He's eager to try it all and find his boundaries. You do what you can to keep him encouraged as he does things he's never done before. It's only been two weeks and he's eager to try more.
Having Jiraiya kneeled between your legs as he learned the delicate process of giving head is quite hot. He's kneeling on the floor while you sit on the couch in your basement suite. His hair is fun to run your fingers through. It's so soft. He likes it when you play with it. It encourages him to keep going. He's learning to control his gag reflex as he attempts some deep throating. One of hands is clutching at your thigh as he squeezes it to deal with the need to choke. The other is slick with lube and has two of his thick fingers pumping slowly in and out of your ass. He's got some experience in anal but is still new to exactly what to look for. He's being very gentle and considerate, but needs to break some habits that he's developed from being with women. You are a man after all and things have to be handled differently.
One thing is for sure, there's never a dull moment with Jiraiya. Never did you think in this lifetime you would be staring at your sensei who is bright red in the face, with the big watery eyes watching your every reaction as he seeks your approval while sucking you off. He's doing an amazing job at it. He retracted after a few moments to breathe again and settle for bobbing his head to a steady pace. It's taking a lot to not writhe and buck, but you don't want to startle him.
It's not so bad. Actually he likes it. Pleasuring one's partner is quite the honour. Learning what makes you tick feels just as fulfilling as when he did it for a girlfriend. That was years ago. With you in this moment it feels much more meaningful. It's tasty in a different way. You make the cutest faces. He swirls his tongue around the head of your cock before going back down to take as much as he can.
"Jiraiya!" You whine. You clutch at his hair and all of you goes tense. "I-I'm gonna-!"
He panicked when it happened as he had no plan and he realized a second too late. He pulled back as he wasn't ready to swallow. Your cum ended up decorating his tongue, lips, and cheek. You grabbed a cloth from the bathroom beforehand for just this very thing and cleaned him up. If you thought he was red before, he's now the same shade as a beet. His whole face was hot to the touch as you cleaned him up.
Then you have a go at getting him off. You already got a handle on what he likes and dislikes. Jiraiya was never shy to talk about sex with you, but that was in a different context. You paid attention even then and it fuelled some of your fantasies. He makes the cutest noises when you stroke and lick parts of him you had never thought you would be touching. Needless to say you got more experience in blow jobs. Experience that pays off well for your partner. Even with all that experience you still mistakes. It will all get more graceful with time.
It was slow but steady. Slowly but surely the confidence of the relationship built. It's been going amazing. After a month of dating, Jiraiya decided to come out to a couple of friends. Minato was as warm and welcoming as expected. He was happy that two people he cares about so much have found love with each other. His lack of surprise did give away that he knew something what going on for some time. Kushina reacted unexpectedly. The rage of hormones in her due to pregnancy had made her a sobbing mess. She was barely intelligible, but just managed to say how perfect she thought you and Jiraiya were for each other. Both you and him got squished in a hug from her.
Of course not everyone is so accepting. You are fairly used to it, but for Jiraiya it's new. The dirty looks and occasional passing comment. People who don't even know you and him judge. It wasn't without its consequences at least. Aya ended up breaking it off with her boyfriend, that man she met at the bar, over his homophobia. She was quite firm about the subject and was even more firm about defending you and your boyfriend if anyone tried to make something of it. She's a good friend.
Some brave souls intervened. People would walk up to you and him and break apart the hand holding with a shove. Someone scoffed in disgust while he was kissing you. Some of the girls Jiraiya used to visit in that companion bar saw him with you and made a point to mock. Horrible slurs get muttered in yours and his general direction. Things like that began to get under his skin. Even yours and his peers are against it. Not all of them but a surprising amount. You told him stories where some ninja refuse to work with you simply because you are gay. Minato had to intervene several times just so you could actually get the same equal amount of missions as any Jonin would. Hence why you have stated you prefer solo missions. Now Jiraiya is getting weird and even hostile looks from ninja of all ranks and ages as the hot gossip of 'Lord Jiraiya is dating a man' began to fly around.
Why do people give that much of a crap? It doesn't even involve them! It's ridiculous!
It's only when running into your parents did Jiraiya really understand how cruel and ignorant people can be. With any other confrontation with jerks you were always calm and collected as you argued their close minded points. But with your parents you shut down. You stared at the ground as they yelled at you and Jiraiya in public. They caused a scene and your sorrow was potent. It's clear how they hurt you with their rejection. It's still hurting you.
"So you're the reason why our son turned into a degenerate! I knew there was something wrong with you the moment you started teaching him." Your mother could challenge a banshee with her shrill voice. "You corrupted him! He's all wrong because of you!"
"There's nothing wrong with your son! He was born this way and you should just accept it already." Jiraiya argued for you. You squeezed his hand when he got riled up about it. When he looked over at you it was clear you didn't want him to fight.
Your father got unreasonably angry. It's far from a challenge for him to grab your father's fist when a punch was thrown. You may not approve but he's not going to sit and get struck down for being who he is. Your father said awful things in his fury that are too vile for even Jiraiya to repeat. The altercation ended with him pushing your father away and grabbing you to flee the situation. Once alone you couldn't fight back tears. He did his best to comfort you. But he was distracted by a realization.
It brought back strange memories. A lot of worry about you when you were little began to surface. By how quickly your father got mad at you it made your partner wonder if he was like that when you were a child. There were plenty of times he can recall you asking Minato if you could stay over for the night. Or how when you were seventeen and looked rather rough. Tired, obviously been crying, wearing the same clothes as the day before. That's when Jiraiya asked you if you wanted to hone your skills and travel with him. You looked so relieved and excited to agree. You said in passing that your parents kicked you out but you never said why. It's easy to guess now. You found your home with him when the people you thought loved you rejected you for being different. He feels like a big idiot for not intervening sooner. Hopefully the pain in your past doesn't hurt you now.
He bought a couple of bottles and escorted you to your house, although with each passing day it's feeling like his house too. Sometimes drinks are necessary for things like this. It brought out some of Jiraiya's recollection of his childhood trauma.
"I guess I always knew but back in my day being even a little bit different got your ass kicked."
You listened to his stories quietly. Of how a young Jiraiya witnessed one of his classmates get beaten to a pulp for rumours that they were gay. Quite coincidentally, that little boy was his first male crush. As a child he didn't think anything was weird about it until he saw what his comrades would do to him if he told them. The worst part was the homeroom teacher speaking to that boy afterwards, telling him that it's not okay to like other boys. Little Jiraiya stuck around to see if his crush was okay and overheard the conversation. That's when his views changed.
Not wanting to be even more of an outcast than he already was, Jiraiya sorta just... pushed those feelings down and kept them to himself. Especially so when as a teenager his friends mocked the idea of being any inkling of gay as a funny joke and people like that weren't worth their respect. So he figured he was straight and all his curiousness was just that... curiousness.
He sees now how wrong it was. Maybe he should have said something to them but he already had so few friends that he didn't want to lose them. He convinced himself he was straight and that was that. Of course you challenged that the longer you and him travelled together.
"That's awful." You said. You scooted closer to him and gave him a cuddle. "I know how bad that feels." You look up at him with a soft smile. "Do you think they would accept you now?"
"Some yes. Others no..." Jiraiya said thoughtfully as he pictured his friends. One person sticks out. "One I don't know."
"You don't know?" You pressed him to elaborate.
"The old man has always been hard to read. Out of all the people I care about, I don't know if he'd accept me for dating a man."
"..." You search his conflicted face. There's only one important question to ask here. "Do you want him to know?"
"I... Yeah I think I do."
"Then thinking on it won't do any good, babe. Sometimes it's just best to get it over with. Especially if you want him to know."
Your advice is good. It's right too. It won't do any good to overthink it. Not knowing is driving him a little crazy. Hiruzen has known him the longest. That man is like a father to him. Not telling him does feel like lying or that he's sneaking around with you. Sure he's not being obnoxiously open in public but he hasn't told any of his childhood friends directly either. Hell, not even the toads know but that's a problem for later. Right now it's the humans he's more worried about. The uncertainty of what pops will say is only making those feeling worse.
"Are you busy tomorrow?" Jiraiya asks.
You shake your head. He smiles. The sooner this hurdle is jumped the better. If just for peace of mind. So he writes a letter, asking if his old teacher is free for the afternoon...
"Jiraiya! I was wondering when you were going to visit." Hiruzen warmly greeted his student at his door. "I hear you've been in town for a while. You weren't avoiding me, where you?"
"Sorry, old man. I was preoccupied."
"So I read. Tell me, who is this mysterious woman you talked so much about in your letter? You brought her I hope."
"That's... just the thing." Jiraiya replied.
He looked over to you. You're hidden by the wall before the entry way, tucked out of sight from the old man. He grows a blush and offers you his hand. He avoided using any gendered terms to really keep it a surprise.
You smile and take his hand. You glide into the frame of the front door and weave your arm around his. A wash of shyness you haven't felt in years takes a hold. You haven't been so close to the previous Hokage since you were little. It's surreal to see him so casually.
Hiruzen's eyes widened. He looks you over then Jiraiya with a clear confusion. This isn't what he expected.
"Good afternoon, my lord. You haven't changed last I saw you." You greet formally.
He draws in a deep breath from his pipe, which he had been holding the whole time. The smell of tobacco smoke fills the air. You recognize it. Jiraiya smokes the same blend. Hiruzen doesn't say anything for a good long agonizing minute. Thoughtful and curious is his expression as he allows it all to sink in. He then locks eyes with his student.
"You're sure about this?"
"Yes. I love him." Jiraiya replied without hesitation.
Another moment of silence. Hiruzen is very clearly taking this all quite seriously. He didn't expect Jiraiya of all people to have a boyfriend. But the feelings are clearly there. It's real and challenging everything he knows about the boy he's known for decades.
You are silently comforting your partner with gentle rubs and squeezes on his arm. You care a great deal about Jiraiya. As any person would be for their loved one.
A smile grows on the Hiruzen's face. There's nothing wrong with being in love. It's always a beautiful thing. It's nice to finally see that there is someone out there for everyone, even Jiraiya. He finally addressed you.
"I can't say the same about you. You have grown into quite the fine young man." He said with warmth and welcoming. He moved inside with the expectation for his guests to let themselves in. "I hope you like tea. I can't recall if you do or not."
"Tea sounds wonderful, my lord."
"Don't be so formal. My name is fine."
You exchange a look with Jiraiya. He looks relieved. You squeeze his arm with assurance.
"I told you it would be fine." You whisper.
"Yeah... you were right."
You step inside along with your boyfriend and make way to the living room. You sit on the sofa with Jiraiya and Hiruzen takes a spot across. Tea is served. A lovely conversation starts. You aren't shy to get to know about the kind old man that practically raised Jiraiya. And he is just as enthusiastic to get to know you.
Jiraiya relaxes into the cushions. The longer the conversation goes the more he lets go of his fears. Being accepted is nice. As selfish as it sounds he didn't want to go through what you did with your parents. Perhaps you can find the same comfort in Hiruzen as he does. Being a surrogate father comes naturally to the old man.
As you laugh at a joke and snap back with another, Jiraiya can't help but note how happy you are. And how happy you make him. He reaches out and grabs your hand. You pause for a moment to look at him and interlock your fingers with his. Then you turn back to keep chatting away. He huffs a small laugh and focuses again on the conversation.
His eyes connect with Hiruzen, who is giving him a well known look. That 'I can see you're happy' type of look. It's the type of look his teacher hadn't given him in years. He smirks as he fishes out his pipe and goes about the familiar ritual of preparing it.
He is happy with you. You are the first person in a long time to make him feel this way. Love and belonging is hard to come by. But with you he feels like he's home.
With you everything is alright.