In Which Addison's World Comes Crashing Down

My phone rings and reluctantly, I peek open my eyes squinting at the clock. It's three a.m. It has to be the hospital. I reach for my phone off the end table and I check the caller ID. It's Bizzy. I sit up fast answering the phone, "Bizzy… It's three hours earlier here."

"Hello, Addison," she answers.

I sigh wiping my eyes, "Bizzy. What's going on?"

"I need your help."

Bizzy explains to me that she flew out to Seattle with Susan and that Susan is sick. She had her admitted at the hospital and figured I would be there… that's why she didn't call sooner. Bizzy wants me to fix her… I don't know if I can fix her. God, I hate when Bizzy does this to me. I can't…

I get up carefully out the been trying not to wake Meredith as I make my way to the bathroom. I can't even focus on cleaning my body when I'm in the shower because I'm too panicked that my mother is here. I do my make-up… I have to look perfect in front of my mother… she would expect no less, even in the middle of the night.

I'm running around so much that I don't even notice that I woke up Meredith, "It's four a.m."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I say while pulling a blouse over my head.

Meredith sits up, "Where are you going?"

"Bizzy is… she's here, in Seattle… She's at the hospital," I say pulling my pencil skirt out of the drawer Meredith let me use for whenever I stay the night here… which is quite often… "Susan is sick."

"Your mom's girlfriend?" she asks and I nod pulling the skirt up my legs, "You have five surgeries today. You need your sleep… This can't wait until a little later in the morning?"

"They canceled my surgeries, okay?" I say slipping into my shoes, "I'm gonna test on Susan and Bizzy wants me to be there."

"Baby, you're exhausted…"

"It's Bizzy."

Meredith sighs, "She says 'jump,' you say 'how high?'"

"She's my mother, and her, I don't even know what to call her, lesbian lover, mistress lady friend, she's got stage IV ovarian cancer, and Bizzy Forbes Montgomery never asks anyone for anything, and she asked me to do this," I say finally turning around to her, "She asked me to save Susan's life, so, yes, when she says 'jump,' I say 'how high?'"

"Fine," she says getting out the bed, "But I'm coming with you."

Bizzy didn't even say hello to me when I got to the hospital… She just rushed me along so I'd get to Susan's tests and lab work faster. Although I'm used to not being acknowledge by Bizzy, it does still hurt sometimes… I think it what hurts even more is that I've never seen her so caring… I've never seen that woman love someone… not me… not Archer… but here she is… sitting at this woman's bedside… holding her hand.

Meredith walks over to me and I can't take my eyes off what I'm seeing, "She's holding Susan's hand. Bizzy never held the Captain's hand."

"Yeah," Meredith basically whispers, "from what you told me, I wouldn't think so."

"She never held my hand," I say thinking about how many times I could've used it. Meredith reaches for my hand giving it a tight squeeze as I turn to her sighing, "Do I have to go in there?"

"Well, you can hide, but I'm sure she can smell a WASP from a mile away… I didn't tell you that she stopped me in the hall earlier? She knew I was Ellis Grey's daughter… and she's only met me once… I was six… She'll find you," she smirks.

I turn back to staring into their room, "They look so happy, and I have to go in there and deliver bad news. I mean, really bad news… get-your-affairs-in-order kind of bad news."

"Crap," she says reaching for her pager when it goes off, "I gotta get to the E.R. You gotta go in there."

"It sucks."

"Yes, but standing in the hall is not gonna make it any easier. You need a hug?"

"Yes, please."

She hugs then kisses me quickly before running off down the hall. I walk into Susan's room after clearing my throat, "Mm-hmm."

"You should never play poker, Addison," Susan says picking up on my vibe right away.

She could always tell what was going on in my mind, "I'm sorry, Susan."

"What do you mean, you're sorry?" Bizzy snaps.

I look sadly at both of them, "If we had caught this earlier, then we might have other options, but the cancer's spread, and, um there's nothing I can do."

"So I'm gonna die?" Susan asks.

I bite my lip nervously, "We can make you comfortable, but, uh, yes."

"No," Bizzy shouts.

I try to plead with her, "I know that this is hardㄧ"

"What it is, is unacceptable."

"Bizzy, the cancer is too far advanced. At best, I could give Susan a couple of extra months, but she'd be miserableㄧ"

I'm cut off by a hard slap to the face and more yelling from Bizzy, "You will save her life! Do you hear me? You will save her life."

Panicked and trying not to cry, I take off out of her room and upstairs to my office. I can't believe she just slapped me… How does she do this? She just waltz right in here and has me feeling like that nerdy, unconfident, little girl that I was growing up. I can't let this affect me… I have to figure out a way to save Susan and Bizzy the hell out of my life as soon as possible. I have a friend who specializes in this sort of thing and he works at a practice down the street. I'm sure he could be here within minutes if I called.

"Dr. Rodriguez, thank you for coming," I say reaching for his hand.

He shakes it, "No problem. What do you have for me?"

"Tell me what you see," I say while handing him the scans.

He holds it up to get a better look, "There are lesions on both ovaries… evidence of lymphatic involvement… and there is an irregularity on the liver edge."

"Is there anything that we can do that would make a meaningful difference?"

"Well at first glance, I would say no," he hands me back the scans looking at me, "I, uh, is sheㄧ"

"Oh, it's my mother's, uh, friend, very close friend… It's her lover," I pause, "There has to be something that we can do. My mother's not a person who takes no for an answer."

"I can do some research," he shrugs, "consult with my colleagues."

"Thank you."

"Yeah," he nods.

I shake his hand again, "Thanks."

He walks out of my office and I decide it's best to just stay in here. I don't want to risk the chance of running into Bizzy. I get up to close the door the moment Meredith walks into the room. I smile closing the door behind us and she kisses me softly on the lips.

"Hey," I smile again.

She smiles, "Hey, I, uh, was just coming to check on you."

"Why?" I ask walking back towards my desk.

She shrugs, "There's just talk going around that your mother slapped you?"

"It's true…" I admit looking away, "She got upset when I told her that there was nothing I could do then she slapped me… I ran away on the verge of tears… I even called up an old colleague to see if he could help… I just, I don't understand how she could just make me feel like a child again in literally one instant…"

"Addie, come here," she says taking me into her arms.

I snuggle up into her warmth, "Thank you for being here."

"It's lunch time. Have you eaten?"

"Haven't had the chance to," I admit.

She nods pulling away, "I'll go get some take-out and we can eat in your office?"

"Yeah, sounds good," I nod while she walks out of the room.

While Meredith was away, Dr. Rodriguez called. He said he discussed with some of his colleagues and he may be able to help Susan but I should scope her again because he couldn't see enough in the scans. Meredith walks in the door only seconds after I hang up the phone with him.

"Rodriguez thinks I should scope Susan," I say as soon as she walks through the door.

She sits the food down on the coffee table in front of the couch, "Wait, I thought you both agreed that there was nothing to do."

"Well, looking at the scans, he wasn't sure of the liver involvement," I explain getting up from my desk to join her, "So I'd like to get in there and see if it's possible that surgery will help."

"It's a bad idea…" she answers too quickly, "You know what the answer's gonna be… This is exactly why doctors should never operate on family."

"I have to," I sit down beside her, "This is Bizzy."

Cristina knocks on the door with her lunch in hand. Meredith looks to me and I shrug inviting her in. We eat and chat a little then next thing you know, Bizzy is at the door. She signals that she'd like to speak with me. I get up to go to her and I overhear Meredith and Cristina talking as I walk away.

"Addison's mother?" Cristina asks.

Meredith sighs, "Yeah, yeah. I don't know who's gonna die first Susan from the cancer or Addison from trying to save her."

I ignore the comment and I make my way outside my office to Bizzy. Bizzy starts to yell but I interrupt her before she could start, "Listen, Bizzy, I'm not promising anything but I am going to take a deeper look into Susan's case. I have a friend who's willing to help if he can… you just, you have to be patient with me."

"Fine, Addison, just… don't screw this up," she says walking away.

I walk back into my office slowly closing the door behind me. Cristina looks up to me, "I don't think I've ever seen you scared."

"I'm not scared," I say in defense and both of them look at me crazy, "Fine, I'm a little scared."

"It's an impossible situation, Addie," Meredith says when I sit down beside her, "Everybody can recognize that."

"Everyone except Bizzy, of course," I say finally grabbing my food.

Cristina shrugs, "Well, she's a smart woman."

"She's an irrational woman." I admit.

Cristina shakes her head, "Then don't do it. Stand up to her. You're an adult."

"It's not like your relationship can get any worse," Meredith adds.

I shrug, "You're right."

"So you gonna talk to her?" Meredith asks.

I scuff, "God, no."

After lunch, I perform the scope and I'm afraid I just have more bad news… The cancer has spread and if I wasn't sure that there was nothing I could do then, I'm for sure there's nothing I can do now. Cristina asked to be my intern and since this is a private case, and she knows the most about it so far, I told her sure. She's smart, level-headed and I can trust her to get things done quietly.

"There's a 5-centimeter mass on the left. You'll need a biopsy sample for cell type and grading," I say handing off Susan's chart to Cristina then I make my way down to Bizzy's room. I pause outside not wanting to go in.

Mark walks up to me with a sad grin. I ask, "What are you doing here?"

"Moral support," he shrugs.

I question, "What makes you think I need it?"

"Do you?" he asks before spotting Meredith in the hallway. He nods in her direction.

I turn around to her and wave as Mark walks away. She comes and joins me outside Bizzy's room. We barely exchange a kiss before Bizzy steps outside.

"So how's it look?" she asks immediately.

I clear my throat, "There's enlargement of the para-aortic nodes. They appear to be infiltrated by the tumor."

"Will you be able to remove them without leaving the tumor behind?"

"They're immediately adjacent to the arteries, so I don't know," I shrug.

Bizzy looks at me worried. I've never seen her so caring… She asks, "Is, is that the liver edge? That's not good."

"The cancer has spread beyond what we initially saw on the C.T. scans. It's attached itself to the major vessels," I explain, "It's in her liver."

"So what do we do?" she asks.

I look away then back to her, "Honestly? Nothing."

"That's not an answer, Addison," Bizzy grows infuriated as she crosses her arms. Here comes the Bizzy I know…

I plead with her, "I'm sorry. I am. I could try to cobble together a series of of treatments, but it would make Susan miserable The truth is, even if she suffered through all of it, she'd have less than a 1 out of 5 chance of living another few years… Some people do better, but some people do much worse."

"Do you understand what she's saying?" Meredith asks.

Bizzy shakes her head, "No."

"No, what?"

"No, I don't accept your numbers and I won't accept your conclusions."

"They're not my numbers, Bizzy," I explain to her.

She yells, "I don't want 25%. I don't want 50%. I want a cure, plain and simple. I don't care what it costs. Do you understand that?"

"I'm sorry," I explain again, "We can't offer you that."

"I expected more from—"

"What exactly did you expect from me, Bizzy?" I cut her off. I'm so tired of being dogged out by my own mother.

She snaps, "For my daughter to be something more than a passive spectator to the death of someone I love."

I shake my head walking away but Meredith doesn't. Instead she yells, "Bizzy, what you're doing to Addison is wrong. It's unfair, and I'm not gonna—"

"I ask very little of my children," she cuts her off, "but what I'm asking of Addison it's not lost on me."

"It doesn't look like there's anything left to be done. I'm sorry. I really am," she pleads, "but you you can't keep pushing Addison. For whatever is left of your relationship with her, Bizzy, please don't do this."

"Susan means everything to me…" is the last thing I hear Bizzy say before I'm out of earshot.

By the time I make it up the staircase and out on the OB floor, Meredith has already caught up to me, "You okay?"

"For a passive spectator," I say simply starting my descend down the hallway.

Meredith sighs, "Oh, lovebug…"

"I can't win here. If I don't do something, Bizzy will hate me," I sigh, "And if I do and get anything less than some miracle result, then she's still gonna hate me."

"I don't think so. I think she just wants you to try. She believes in you," she says.

I shrug, "Yeah, well, she has a funny way of showing it."

"No, no, she… she came here because she knew the only thing that could help Susan would be a miracle. And she believes that if anyone's gonna give her a miracle, you can," she says and it startles me.

I pause turning to look at her before opening the door to my office, "Why are you suddenly on her side?"

"Because she was crying," Meredith answers as I let the both of us in.

I almost laugh, "What?"

"Yeah."

"Bizzy does not cry," I say half believing her as I make my way to my desk.

Meredith follows and sits down on my lap. She says sweetly, "Is there a part of you that doesn't want to try because you hate your mother—for not being a mother?"

"What?" I respond, her question throwing me off guard, "What no, that's not, why would you even say something like that?

"Because you are Addison Forbes Montgomery world-class surgeon… and I have never, ever seen you back away from a fight," she says as her pager goes off. She kisses me then runs off out of my office.

When she leaves, I couldn't help but ponder on her words… Is there a part of you that doesn't want to try because you hate your mother—for not being a mother? What if it's true? What if I'm not doing my all because I hate Bizzy? I hate Bizzy. I wish she would've actually been a mother… but just because she doesn't love me the way that she loves Susan doesn't mean that I shouldn't give Susan my all… Crap… I have to find a way fix her. I have to.

After about an hour or two of research, I think I might've stumbled upon something. I close my laptop, grabbing it as I rush out of my office down to Susan's room. Bizzy isn't in here, she ran out to get Susan some tea, which is good… I don't want to see her right now.

"Our biggest problem is that the cancer has metastasized to areas of your body that are either too dangerous for me to cut or too difficult for me to reach. But, um I did some research, and I found a new protocol…" I explain opening up my laptop and showing it to her, "I was trained on this machine. It's called the Da Vinci."

"You're gonna let a machine operate on me?" she questions.

I shake my head, "No, no, no. I would operate on you, but I would be doing it using the machine. It enables me to cut in ways that I would never be able to do freehand."

"Have you ever done this before?"

"It's generally not used on cases like yours yet, but I know its capabilities, and I think it's the best way to help you."

"Hmm. If it weren't for your mother, I don't think I ever would've come here… but I love her. She's my best friend. I want to do it for her," she smiles softly at me. Bizzy walks in a second later, "Hey, Bizzy."

"So you have a plan now," she says simply.

I nod, rolling my eyes at her before re-explaining the procedure… When I'm finish, I go back upstairs to my office. I call up Dr. Rodriguez to see if he would scrub in with me. I could use an extra set of hands… He answers the phone and I get straight to the point.

"I'm going to use the Da Vinci surgical system on Susan tomorrow," I say the second after he greets me.

He sighs, "I applaud your ambition, but your judgment isㅡ"

"It's possible," I cut him off, "Anything is possible."

"The question is, are you gonna be selling Susan and your mother false hope?"

"Well, if I were doing it on my own, probably, but that's where you come in. I need you to infuse heated chemo directly into her abdomen after I cut. It'll destroy any disease left behind," I explain.

He sighs, "Hmm."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Thanks," I say letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, "good night."

"Good night."

Tomorrow came by way too fast but I am more than prepared… I stayed at the hospital practicing on the Da Vinci System until about four a.m. I still got my full seven hours of sleep before coming in to perform Susan's surgery this morning. The procedure wasn't until two. Cristina scrubbed in with us and the surgery went great. Now, Cristina and I are heading down to Susan's room to update Bizzy.

"We got it all of it," I say coming off a little too excited.

Cristina nods, "And we were able to insert the port in her abdomen to deliver the local chemo."

"I mean, we still have to monitor her, but it looks very promising," I say with a smile.

Bizzy nods, "I should be with Susan."

Bizzy walks off and I sigh… I thought I might get a little more out of her since I saved the only person it looks like she loves… It's whatever. I hand Cristina Susan's chart and she tells me that Meredith wants us to meet her at Joe's. I tell her I'll meet her in the lobby in ten minutes then I make my way up to my office to get out of these scrubs. I take a quick shower, get dressed, grabbing my purse and heading out of the door.

Cristina is already waiting by the door when I get down to the lobby and we head across the street to Joe's. Meredith is already sitting at our table with drinks for both us already waiting at our seats.

We slide into the booth and she smiles at me, "Hey. How'd it go?"

"She kicked ass," Cristina all but shouts.

Meredith nods, "That's great."

"But Bizzy didn't say thank you," she explains

Meredith frowns, "Oh, come on."

"It's nothing," I say sipping my martini.

Meredith just shakes her head, "I'm sorry. That sucks."

"Shame on me for expecting more," I sigh stirring my drink around.

Cristina shakes her head putting her drink down, "No, shame on you for turning what should be a celebration into this."

"You know what? You're right. Bizzy's just Bizzy," I say sipping my drink again.

Cristina sighs, "Look, I have an amazing mother. Alright? I have a kick-ass mom. I have the best mom in the world."

"Ahh," I say downing my drink.

Meredith rolls her eyes, "Yay, you."

"But I have a dead father, and commitment issues, and I'm kind of a whore."

"Is there a point to all this?" Meredith asks.

Cristina looks at me, "Yes. You have a cold, withholding mother, yet, you're the most competent, together person I know. I wanna be you when I grow up. So, you know, maybe you got dealt the better hand in the long run. So just shut up and stop whining."

"She's a little bit wise," I say to Meredith while still staring at Cristina.

Meredith rolls her eyes again, "It's annoying but she's right… If you want something from Bizzy, you're gonna have to ask for it. It's the only way you're ever gonna get it. Okay?"

"Another Apple Martini, please," I say waving over to Joe.

After a couple more martinis, I get the urge to go back to the hospital and give Bizzy a piece of my mind. It could just be the liquor talking but still, I think this needs to happen. She needs to know how I feel and that she can't go on treating me this way. It's not fair. She's my mother.

"Addison," Bizzy says bringing me out of my thoughts.

I stand up a little taller, "Bizzy, I have something that I need to say to you."

"Before you do, I've been meaning to tell you," she starts and I think she might actually say thank you for once, "I've divorced your father, and I'm marrying Susan."

I'm speechless… I'm so thrown off that I didn't get the chance to say anything. She tells me that she needs me to plan the wedding for the day after tomorrow then she just turns around and walks away. The next morning, hangover and all, Meredith and I are out looking at flowers for the wedding. I don't even know how I ended up doing this. Bizzy is… she's just…

"Oh, what about Peonies? Peonies could be good," Meredith says while smelling the flowers.

I shrug, "I have no idea."

"It's your mother's wedding, and you don't know what kind of flowers she wants?"

"Bizzy made it abundantly clear that this wedding is for Susan."

"Okay…" she says walking along beside me, "then what would Susan want?"

"Again, I have no idea," I sigh.

Meredith turns around to me, "Ugh, you're being petulant."

"Well, I am entitled, Bear!" I almost shout, "I am throwing a wedding for my mother and her… lesbian mistress/lover… My mother. Who, by the way, never thanked me for saving her lesbian mistress/lover's life."

"I told you," she frowns, "if you want something from that woman, you have to ask her for it."

"If it was anyone else… anyone else…" I think aloud, "What's wrong with me? Why am I being like this?"

"Well, she's your mommy."

"My mommy?" I say taken aback then I just laugh, "Mommies are warm. My nanny was warm, but she… she's my Bizzy."

"Which is exactly why you are being like this…" she explains, "Look, you always thought that she was cold and hard, and she's about to do something warm and wonderful. She's about to pledge her love… which means you might actually be wrong about her, which means she might actually be your mommy."

"Alright," I sigh giving up and walking away, "Susanㅡshe likes understated elegance."

"Okay then let's find an understated, elegant flower," Meredith nods.

Bizzy called asking to have lunch with me… I'm rushing over to the restaurant and Meredith is out looking at the rest of the venues… We've been to three flower shops, two different hotels and four restaurants to see if anyone can cater a last minute wedding tomorrow… I need this whole day to make this miracle wedding even work… but of course, I can't say no to Bizzy.

I have my car valeted and I find Bizzy sitting at a table outdoors. She already has a martini for me at my seat, thankfully, because I'm going to need it to get through lunch with her. I sigh stirring my drink around, "You do realize that I didn't even plan my own wedding."

"Because I did. You're returning the favor," she says simply sipping her martini.

I shake my head, "I get that you want to give Susan this wedding, but it's… Okay, you know what? I don't get it. Based on your sham of a marriage to the Captain, I mean, you clearly don't take vows that seriously, and we all know you're a cheater. Thank you, by the way, for passing that down."

"I think we both know that infidelity is not genetic and if we agree, it's learned behavior, you certainly didn't learn it from me, dear, because you had no idea what I was up to until long after you'd made your own mistakes. It really is time for you to grow up and accept responsibility," she pauses only to drink, "For the past 20 years, I've had my proverbial cake; homes, husband, children, jewels, ladies auxiliaryㅡ and that whole time, the love of my life waited patiently in the closet because that was my way. I almost lost Susan, but she's healthy now, so this time we do it her way, and she wants a wedding."

After being told off, luckily, the waiter comes up right after to take our order. I didn't really say much after that. I just sipped on my martinis and let her go on about how she thinks Susan would like the wedding. By the time, I got back home, the sun started to set and I got mostly everything done for tomorrow. I smile walking into Meredith's house. I wave to George and Izzie in the kitchen before making my way upstairs to the bedroom.

I walk in going over my checklist, "Okay so, hotel's booked. Flowers are done… Music…"

"Do you have the final count for the caterer?"

"Oh, well, Bizzy has no friends here, and I don't think Susan has friends," Meredith chuckles, "Uh, the Captain is clearly not attending. Oh, and my brother e-mailed this morning saying that he didn't come to Bizzy's first wedding, so he's not coming to her second. So I guess… that just leaves us…"

"Addie…" Meredith says softly, "what would you want yours to be like?"

"My what?" I ask as I start to undress.

She smiles, "Your second wedding… what would you want it to be like?"

"I, uh, I don't know," I smile nervously but before I could say more, Meredith's pager goes off. She ushes off to get dressed and to the hospital before I could say more.

Does Meredith want to get married? I don't know if I want to get married just yet… I mean, if I do end up marrying again, I'd like that person to be Meredith but, I just, I don't think I'm ready. But what happens if I were to say no? I don't want to ruin anything that we have together… I'm left alone thinking about this until I drift off to sleep.

The next morning I'm at the hospital and I head up to Susan's room to check on them… to see if they're ready for their big day but once I get to her room, they're gone. It's empty. I walk out of the room and I see Dr. Rodriguez at the Nurses' station.

"Susan? Where'd she go?" I ask.

He looks at me like I should know, "I discharged her an hour ago. She said she and your mother were checking into the Four Seasons."

"Well, no one called me," I say checking my phone before I turn around making way back to the elevators.

Dr. Rodriguez calls after me, "I'll see you at the wedding?"

I wave him off as the elevator dings open. Meredith's walking out of it, as I'm about to walk in. She smiles to me, "Hey. Are you ready to go?"

"Hey, yeah, um, listen," I say as we step off to the side, "um, last night, you asked me about my second wedding…"

"Yeah," she starts to blush, "that, uh, I didn't mean anything by that. That wㅡ you were planning a wedding, and I was justㅡ it was justㅡ I was just asking a question. I just wanted toㅡ"

"Well, I thought about it," I say cutting her off.

She smiles nervously, "Okay…"

"Should we? Should we get married? Let's get married," I say then I freak out before she can even answer, "No, don't answer now. I just, you're my best friend and it feels as though I've known you all my life… I love what we have together so just think about it. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now time to get ready," I smile softly.

We make our way out of the hospital and to the Four Seasons to get ready for the wedding. I booked three rooms; one for Bizzy, one for Susan and one for Meredith and I to stay in while we help get everything prepared. I figured after the wedding, we could come up to the room and have a little fun before returning to real life. After we finish getting dressed, Meredith goes down to see if they need help with the finishing touches and I make my way over to Bizzy's room. Once I get inside, I see Bizzy in front of the vanity trying to decide on a necklace.

"The Bulgari," I say interrupting. She picks up the necklace and I help her put it on, "Definitely the Bulgari."

"You've wanted it since you were four," Bizzy says as she admires herself in the mirror.

I can't help but laugh, "I'll probably have to pry it out of your cold, dead hands."

"Can you please make sure Susan is dressed?" she asks handing me her room key, "Were doing photographs before the guests arrive."

"Yeah, sure," I nod taking the key and making my way across the hall to Susan's. Walking in I call out, "Susan."

"I'm in here," she calls out from the bedroom.

I walk in to see that she isn't dressed, "Hey, uh—"

"Oh," she says cutting me off, "you look beautiful."

"Thanks," I blush, "uh, Bizzy is ready to do the pictures, so she's—"

"And she wants to know when I'll be dressed?"

"Yes," I nod.

She smiles, "Give me ten minutes."

"Okay, uh, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good. I'm good."

"Okay," I smile one last time before turning to walk away.

Susan calls after me, "Addison?"

"Yeah?" I say spinning on my heels.

This time she blushes, "I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am, we both are, for everything."

"Thank you," I say smiling genuinely, "It's nice for at least one of you to acknowledge."

"Bizzy doesn't…" she tries, "well, you know her."

"Yeah, I thought I did… but with you, she's…" I pause looking for the right words, "I don't know. I just never knew that she could, uh—"

"Love? She loved you the second that you were born, but intimacy has to be worked on both sides," she says and as she goes to stand, she starts to topple over, "Oh. Oh. Oh."

"Whoa," I say catching her and helping her sit back down, "are you okay?"

"Oh," she says nervously, "Uh, yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Susan, what's going on?" I say sitting down on the bed. I hope she knows I'm not taking no for an answer.

She sighs, "I'm not better, Addie. I'm bloating and I'm weak again. And I feel like… I did before I was diagnosed. I know the cancer's come back."

"No," I shake my head, "Dr. Rodriguez wouldn't have discharged you if that was the case."

"He wanted me to stay and do tests, but I didn't give him a choice. Don't be mad. Please. I need today. Bizzy and I both do."

"No, that's not a good idea. Alright?" I say starting to panic. Bizzy is going to hate me, "If the cancer's back then we need to fight it. We can post—we can delay your wedding. We'll get you back—"

"Addison, listen to me. I signed a D.N.R. No delays, no more doctors, no more exams, no extraordinary measures… and you can't tell Bizzy," she says looking me in the eye.

I shake my head trying hard to hold back tears, "Susan, I—"

"No," she cuts me off, "Your mother and I… just give us today."

I don't know what to do at this point. I want to scream, I want to yell but Susan made me promise. I can't—I don't know if I can do this. Silently, I watch the facade play out in front of me. I smile in all the photos and made sure to hold myself correctly. Minutes before the wedding starts, I spot Dr. Rodriguez and decide he's the one I'm going to yell at.

Walking up to him, I don't even give him a chance to speak before I yell, "You knew about Susan. She's sick, and you discharged her anyway."

"She wanted to be here with your mother."

"Yeah? Well, she should be back at the hospital where we could help her and hopefully give them more than this."

"That's not what Susan asked for," he responds and it takes my all for me not to strangle him.

I sigh, "Doct—"

"Addison…" Bizzy calls out and I turn around to her, "it's time, dear."

Dr. Rodriguez got lucky… I follow Bizzy over to the courtyard where the ceremony is going to be held. It looks amazing. I only have time to sneak in a kiss to Meredith before making my way down the aisle. I don't know if I'm the maid of honor or the best man but honestly, it doesn't matter. Watching Susan walk down the aisle and the two of them exchange vows just about made everything I've been through with Bizzy these past couple of day worthwhile.

After the ceremony, I watch as Bizzy make her rounds to her guests, which is basically the hospital staff, then she comes up to me and I smile, "Well, you did it."

"Actually, you did it. The wedding was lovely, Addison," Bizzy says as she clinks glass with me then walks away.

I'm stunned. I think my mother may have actually acknowledged one of my accomplishments. That was the closest thing I've ever gotten to a thank you and… it feels good. Standing here now, calm and collected, I realized that I've been a little on edge these past couple of days… I feel like I might've jumped the gun on the whole marriage situation with Meredith. I love her, I do, but I'm not ready for another marriage… not just yet.

"MerBear, Meredith, look…" I say walking up to her, "I was scared. I am… scared."

"Of what?"

"Of us. Of us not working, of me not giving it a chance, everything," I explain, "I don't want to ruin it, not with you."

"So instead, you asked me to marry you?"

"I… yeah," I say laughing nervously.

She smiles softly, "You know, you could take it back."

"No," I say quickly, "I, uh, I don't want—"

"Addison, you can take it back."

"Okay, fine, I want to take it back," I admit and we both laugh into our kiss.

After a few dances, Meredith and I laugh making our way off the dance floor and back towards the bar. It's an open bar so why not use it? I paid for it. I'll drink all I want. We refill our glasses then make our way over to the table where Cristina and the other interns who came to the wedding are sitting. We join and they start going on and on about surgeries, of course… I remember being a surgical junkie my intern year… Little do they know that surgery isn't all the world has to offer.

Sitting here sipping on my martini and watching my mother, and her new wife, dance together… I realize that you only live once and maybe, maybe I should just do it… get married to Meredith. If it's suppose to be, it'll last… I shouldn't just give up on it before even giving it a chance. I'm about to tell Meredith what's on my mind when Susan collapses.

Shit.