Chapter Five
Remus staggered as he collided with the woman in the corridor, he had been hugging the wall to avoid people, but she wasn't exactly going in a straight line.
'Excuse me.' He growled, annoyed and exhausted in equal measure.
The woman stopped and then her pale arms were pinning his to his sides as she wrapped tightly around his waist. It was only then he recognised the fiery red hair. Weeks in the hospital had covered the scent of her, but as Remus pulled her closer the vanilla and cinnamon and sunlight smell that was always Lily alone drifted up to him.
'Remus.' She sounded angry and tearful, 'Thank God.'
He let her step back and caught her elbow to steady her, frowning, 'Should you be out of bed?'
'I'm discharging myself. You are coming with me. Dorcas is sitting with James until we all get back.' She grabbed his hand and started back off the way Remus had come, towards the exit.
'Lily! What's happening?' Remus tried to protest as Lily swayed in her step.
'There's no time, come on! I can't apparate, apparently our wands are being held as evidence? You'll have to take us.'
Remus lengthened his stride to keep up with the shorter woman, 'It was the moon last night´ he hissed, 'If I'm going to endanger us by apparating, can you at least tell me where we are going?'
People were staring now as Lily pushed into the lift, jamming the button for the foyer where the apparition spot was.
'To the Ministry, obviously.'
The other people in the lift were definitely staring as the red head and her heavily scarred companion. Remus had butterfly stitches across his cheek and bandages everywhere. He had downed a bottle of Skele-gro that morning, but his whole right forearm from knuckles to elbow was tightly wrapped.
'Yes, I am Lily Potter.' Lily snapped as the whispering started, 'No, I'm not taking bloody questions. Come on Remus, out.' She pushed him in the chest and grabbed his arm to drag him to the apparition spot.
The wolf growled through Remus that time at the sparks of pain she sent up his arm. Lily dropped his wrist and turned to take in how thin and grey he looked, the damage everywhere. She put a gentle hand on his upper arm, somewhere the wolf always had trouble damaging and was normally a pretty safe spot.
'I'm so sorry Remus.' He voice was soft, but he could still see the burning fury and need to get where she was going in his eyes, 'I need to get to Harry, Dorcas told me he is with my idiot sister,' She ground her teeth, 'And we need to get Sirius back, before James wakes up and we all end up imprisoned when he blows the entire Ministry up.'
Remus shook his head, 'No, Lily, I was there. At the sentencing.'
She took a step back, away from him and Remus saw the distrust in her eyes. The distrust they had all lived with through out this ridiculous, awful war.
'He betrayed you.' He pleaded, because there could only be one reason she was looking at him like that, 'He sold you out…' The words sounded hollow to Remus' own ears.
'No. Sirius wasn't our secret keeper.'
Remus shut his amber eyes, dread filled his stomach and chest like lead, 'You switched,' he breathed, 'And you didn't tell me in case it was me. It was Peter.'
Lily nodded, coming back to his side again, 'Yes, and Remus I'm sorry. But we must go now. Can you do it?'
He opened his eyes again, 'Let's get Harry first. The Ministry will be more inclined to listen when we have "The Boy Who Lived" with us.'
Lily raised an eyebrow, 'That is an awful name.'
Remus smiled for the first time in what felt like years, he wrapped one arm around Lily, and her hand closed around his on his wand. They spun into the squeezing darkness.
Azkaban
The dog shape would not come. Neither would the ability to stand up. Though the second one bothered Sirius far, far less. He could remember Padfoot, being Padfoot and rolling in the snow under the full moon. He thought there had been another one since, or more. There was not snow anymore, he knew that much.
The world kept spinning. And a voice in his head wouldn't shut up.
'Drink it. You pathetic waste of my flesh.'
Sirius tossed his head, summoning the arrogant look they had bred into him.
'I would rather drink your piss, from the source.'
His mother flicked her wand and straps across his forehead and arms were added to the ones holding his legs to the dining chair.
'You will be forced then.'
He felt rather than heard his father walking towards him from behind. He fought the urge to grip the chair arms, he would not show fear.
Orion wasn't stupid enough to put his hands near Sirius' mouth, and the goblet of potion rose from the table with a lazy flick of his wand.
Sirius clamped him mouth shut.
Orion sighed, 'Such a pity Sirius, you never could behave.'
The spell took out his from four teeth like a sledgehammer blow. He had to open his mouth to spit out the shards of tooth and blood, and the potion washed in. Like liquid tar is coated his mouth, his throat and all the way down. It tasted like the sweet purification of meat gone to rot, the bitter spice of dark magic, and the chill of venom.
His eyes rolled back into his head as it burnt along his veins…
Sirius' fingers clawed at his throat, his chest, the magic that once fizzed under his skin cold and oozy now, dying.
He tried to push himself up and succeeded in falling face first onto the dirt floor.
He was freezing, and wet. And stank. At some point in the swirling kaleidoscope of memory he had let go of his bladder and bowels. Once he would have been disgusted, but no more.
In the distance he could hear screams. Two voices in particular jangled along his nervous system, they seemed to be reliving their own versions of the same memory. He crawled to the furthest corner of his cell, not noticing the rocking motion that banged his temple against the wall. Bellatrix was begging her master, her fucking love, to stop it. It sounded like rape, and frankly Sirius wouldn't have cared if he could. Bellatrix had been in too many of his memories lately for him to have any sympathy left.
But it was Regulus voice that seemed to be dragging his soul with it to hell. Even in his misery a tiny shred of a smirk crossed Sirius' face, not that he reckoned he had a soul – mother had been right about that. Regulus had been dragged here nearly dead six months before Sirius. He had hoped his brother lived, but now all Sirius wished was that he would die. Or go silent like the others, like he had been when Sirius had first arrived. His anguish, memories of torture passed on by Voldemort was nearly too much to bear.
Sirius' head hit the stone harder, and under the stench of the cell and of himself he smelt blood.
Somewhere, the tiny part of him that had managed to smirk pushed forward. Made him move his hand to his skull, it came away slick with blood.
He wasn't thinking, not really, just moving mechanically, jerkily.
When the blood on his head dried, he bit and clawed at his fingers and hands to get more. The nail he had used to paint his skin was long lost in a spell of madness.
As he drew, breath came back. It wouldn't be permanent, that he knew. Nothing lasted long in this place. But the marks shone with what wild magic was left in Sirius' blood and he drew them from memory, over and over again.
Some where mimics of the spells layered into his skin, the tattoos from transfiguration, transmutation, for strength, for silence. Others he strung together, half remembered sigils and runes. Latin and Aramaic and Greek, and some stranger older things stored deep in his mind from years of studying his father's library suddenly fresh in his mind again from the memories the dementors inflicted and now suddenly used against them and this purgatory of madness.
He had to lay down, eventually. Blood loss and exhaustion claiming him. Sirius curled in on himself, no mean task at six foot one, but made so much easier now his knees could press against the bones of his ribs with only skin and thin robes between them. He pressed tight to the walls and floor, in the little corner her had carved out shelter in his own blood, scrawled across the dirt and stone in his own blood. The ravings of a madman.
Lily staggered when they landed in Privet Drive, jostling Remus slightly, before she was off and running. Literally running this time, her baby was so close she didn't give a damn who saw or heard as she skidded onto the drive of number four and hammered furiously on the door.
Remus came more slowly, jogging to keep up. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her since she had hugged him back at the hospital and Lily knew, just knew how fragile he was, but her son had to come first. If she didn't have Harry in her arms in the next minute she would explode, wand or no wand.
She hadn't, particularly, given much thought to how her muggle sister was going to react to her appearing on the front doorstep, a very battered werewolf in tow.
Petunia, complete with frilly apron actually tried to slam the door in her face.
'Let me in Tunie!' Lily shoved the door, barely registering Remus' long arms reaching around her to help, 'I want my son.'
They barged in, and Lily shot passed her sister at speed, 'Harry! Harry love, it's Mummy.' She yelled, heading straight for the sound of cartoons. Dudley was sitting on the rug in front of the telly, stuffing handfuls of coco pops into his mouth, eyes glued to a video of Danger Mouse. She spun around, looking across the pristine room for her whirlwind son.
'Harry!'
The kitchen. Must be. Lily thought, running back to the hall and ignoring the increasing dizziness that was threatening to pull her down. Except the hall was blocked by Remus and Petunia. Lily frowned, why was the cupboard under the stairs open, what was Remus doing bending in there…
Lily's heart had stopped. She was almost certain it had, as Remus straightened with the tiny black-haired bundle she would have known absolutely anywhere in the world.
She didn't speak, didn't register moving but then she was taking her son from Remus' arms and Harry was upset and Remus' arms were around them both and tears were falling.
It took Lily a moment to realise she was crying.
Then a moment longer to wrench herself free of Remus. She spun and glared at Petunia, 'Why the fuck was my son in your fucking cupboard?'
There was horror, and something else in her sister's face, but Petunia pulled herself up to her full height and said in her haughtiest tone, 'It seemed like the best place for him. You realise we have been paying for his food, nappies the lot? You should be grateful – '
Lily slapped her. It was not the hardest slap she had ever managed, but by the gods it was the most deserved.
Lily turned, calmly, 'Let's go Remus.'
Her arms and head were full of Harry, but even through that she could feel the werewolf vibrating behind her. Remus' parents had a very good reason to lock him away as a child, and only once a month. But that did not mean he, or the wolf who was so close she could see it pacing behind Remus' eyes were happy about it.
He dragged those golden eyes from her sister's face, to Lily. And then to Harry, who was starting to sob silently, in her arms. He nodded and turned to let Lily pass.
She decided in that moment that is Remus hexed her sister then it was all fair and strode out of the house, hiding her surprise when he simply followed her, slamming the door behind them.
Harry was becoming distraught, too much change and stress on such a tiny human. Lily automatically went to pull her top down, she had still breastfed him a bit before… Dorcas explanation came flooding back. She had been unconscious for the better part of four months. There was nothing left to give Harry anymore.
She sighed, feeling exhausted. Remus guided her down the road and they sat on the wall at the end.
Harry pressed his scrunched-up face to her chest and Lily let him give it shot. She was fairly certain he wasn't getting anything, but the action of nursing seemed to calm him down. And, she hoped, would remind him who she was.
Lily leant sideways against Remus.
'So, how do we do the next part?'
Remus slid his arm around her shoulder, he held her tight, tighter than James ever would. Lily hadn't been happy, totally, with Remus' more possessive side. Not when it came to the boys, and especially not Sirius. She'd worried when Harry came along, and Remus had been spending so much time on secret missions for the Order.
Now though… well if she couldn't have James, Remus was a fairly good option. For a change, the quiet, possessiveness Remus showed all of his "pack" as Sirius called them was reassuring.
Remus took a breath, 'First, we get you and Harry somewhere to rest. I can probably apparate us all…' He sounded doubtful though.
Lily shook her head, 'I don't want to try, not with Harry too. And I want to be close to James.'
Remus frowned, she could almost hear him weighing up options. Then he reached into the pocket of his battered old tweed jacket and pulled out a keyring with a single, heavy mortice key on it. 'We can go to Bl- Sirius', it hasn't been sold yet.'
Lily nodded, not asking why Remus was still carrying the key on his person and stuck her wand arm out over the curb to summon the Knight Bus.