Chapter Six

It had been a year since Remus had last set foot in this flat. He didn't know if the Ministry had torn down Sirius' defences, or if he had never guarded against Remus because he apparated right to the front door like a knife through butter.

Lily nearly fell that time. She sagged against Remus' arm and he saw she looked as grey and tired as he felt.

'We're nearly there, Lily.' He murmured, jamming his key into the lock and growling a little when it stuck, like it always did.

Lily nodded and tried to stand up straight. Harry was still cradled tightly against her chest, but his bright green eyes were staring all around as Remus finally managed to get the deep scarlet door open.

They staggered through the door together and stopped. The ministry had been here. Remus had been expecting the standard Padfoot mess. Ashtrays overflowing, empty bottles, empty newspapers from fish and chips, bowls and takeaway containers from the Chinese downstairs. Sirius rarely cooked just for himself, only for guests or… Remus swallowed angrily that the Ministry could do this to the flat he once lived in too.

Every cupboard had been emptied. Behind the kitchen worktop that separated it from the lounge Remus could see swaths of smashed crockery. Mostly bits they had rescued from charity shops, a few hand-me-downs from Remus' parents, all browns and greens and oranges from the sixties. To his right though, their sofa had been slashed open, stuffing leaking everywhere, and a cold draft told him at least one of the windows had been smashed.

Remus managed a 'Reparo' on the sofa, and delicately steered Lily onto it.

She was watching him, green eyes filled with concern, 'Remus? I can help. Just let me –'

He cut across her, 'You will sit there please. You are in no state.'

'Nor are you.' Lily had always tried to take care of him, from the very beginning.

He dragged the ghost of a smile across his face, 'I'm just going to fix a teapot and put the kettle on. Once we've had a cuppa, we'll both feel better.'

Lily grinned suddenly, 'You must be tired, your accent has gone all Valleys.' She did an awful impersonation of a Welsh accent of the word 'valleys'. It made him chuckle.

'Nid oes dim yn well na phaned.' He smiled at her, switching back to English, 'And if I know Padfoot, there's probably some diluting juice around here somewhere if the Prongslet would like some?'

The Marauders' names made Lily suddenly extremely interested in the top of her son's head. Remus could still hear the teary hitch in her voice though, even if he couldn't see her cry, 'Oh I'm sure he would. Harry, do you want some squash?'

Harry looked up at his name but said nothing back.

Lily frowned at Remus then, 'He was talking, you know, before.'

Remus nodded, 'He's had a lot on. It will come back.'

He pottered into the kitchen, trying to stay calm. He repaired the crockery and filled the kettle – Sirius had insisted on a fancy electric one – and hunted for the tea.

A few minutes later he sat down next to Lily on the sofa, a mug of his favourite loose-leaf earl grey for each of them, and he had found an unopened box of biscuits. Harry was cheerfully munching on a Garibaldi and sipping from a cup of very weak blackcurrant diluting juice.

Remus studied Lily's face, she looked beyond shattered. He knew her physical wounds had healed well over a month ago, but the magical and emotional damage was unknown. He also had not seen her this frantic since she had been nine months pregnant with Harry. Unable to help the Order because everyone agreed the risk of her going into labour in the middle of a pitched fight was a bit much. She had paced and cooked and made hundreds of potions and healing poultices.

'So,' She said, dragging his attention back, 'We need to get Sirius. Tell me what happened at his trial?'

Remus sighed, 'Lily, we need to rest. You especially.'

'I can't.' She said it simply, like it was fact, 'Not knowing the dementors have him. It will be tearing him apart. And you know it.'

Remus pushed a hand through his hair, 'I know. I know it will. But Lily, we are of absolutely no use to him if neither of us can stand up.'

She started to say something, but he shook his head, 'No. I mean this. We both need to sleep and get some food. I dare say Harry could do with something too, he's too thin.'

Lily bit her lip then, and considered the boy on her lap, 'Yes. I am sorry Remus, you're right. And he could do with a change of clothes. Those don't fit him.' She made a face.

Remus stood up, 'That is easily solved.'

First, he repaired the front room window, to keep the chill out. Then, biting his lip and forcing his shoulders back, he slipped back into the hall and into the bedroom.

The Aurors had trashed in here too. Remus was beginning to wonder if they had damaged things unnecessarily on purpose at this point, as he walked through a drift of feathers from the duvet. From his duvet. The bed Sirius had left was made with sheets and blankets. He had never had a duvet before Remus had moved in. He had loved it. It must have been on top of the wardrobe when they had searched the place.

Remus opened the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers, mercifully this had been left alone. Rummaged through, enough to make Remus and the wolf more frustrated. The state of the flat was beginning to wear on him.

He collected a few things, and the cotton wool that had been in the bathroom cabinet but was now strewn across the bottom of the thankfully dry bath.

Lily was slumped more sideways than anything on the sofa now. Green eyes half closed, and one hand wrapped protectively around Harry's middle to stop him from falling off. Or Remus thought, moving out of contact. She struggled up a bit when he cleared his throat, but Remus waved her back down.

He put the things from the bedroom on the sofa next to Lily and then collapsed gratefully into his armchair next to the fireplace.

Lily considered the pile, and then when she looked up at him again this time, she didn't try to hide the tears that welled up. 'Oh Remus, I forgot he always did that.'

'Happy Winter Harry.' Remus smiled, hearing Sirius' voice in his head from just before Hallowe'en 1980.

'Look! I've got him a jumper for every month until spring!'

'But why Pads?'

'Because no one should be cold.'

Grimmauld Place must have been freezing, because yet again there had been five woolly jumpers in the bottom drawer. Sirius always kept nappies, spare vests and leggings for Harry, just in case of emergencies on a visit, and the jumpers went in on top.

'There's another winter's worth, so we don't have to worry.'

She laughed then, and Remus joined in. Harry, looking from one apparently mad adult to the other went from worried to giggling. His little bubbling joy at being back with people who loved him spurred them into action.

Remus managed to find some camomile lotion for the rash on Harry's bum. Lily scowled as she changed him, muttering profanities at her sister as she went. 'I should have hexed her where she stood.'

Remus privately agreed, even as he was glad Lily hadn't had a wand. That was not how they needed to start a conversation with Magic Law Enforcement. Not if they wanted Sirius back.

By the time he had found a spare quilt – made by Lily as a housewarming gift for them – Lily and Harry were both passed out on the sofa. The tiny boy curled in against his mum, one little fist wrapped in a flaming red curl. Remus sat down in his chair again, meaning to keep watch over them. The burning protectiveness of the wolf bright in his chest.

He wasn't very certain the runes and spells on the walls and floor were actually helping. Not magically anyway. His head was clearer than it had been. He'd woken as Padfoot again, which was a blessing.

Sirius surveyed the mess. He couldn't read half of his scrawlings. Maybe the magic had worked, or maybe having tried to do something, anything, had been the solution. Either way, he was pleased.

No, not pleased. No emotion close to pleasure could be achieved in this place.

He'd kept it up all day. Digging new designs into the stone of his cell with a new splinter of metal from the bed. There had been food that morning, but he had given up on the third mouthful of gruel. The second had made him retch, and the idea of vomiting was too much to bear.

His skin was the task at hand now. His hands specifically actually. His desperate attempts to get at his blood for the walls and floor had left him with cuts and bites over his fingers and wrists. It didn't take much more work to join up, carve through and around the marks. Turning them into more runes and sigils. He pushed soot from the guttering torch into the cuts. Yet more homemade tattoos.

A bark of laughter, bitter and cold, pulled loose from his chest. He hadn't made tattoos from scratch in years. There had been muggle tattooists, starting all those years ago in Camden market. A few years ago, a magical tattoo shop had opened in Diagon Alley, though sometimes he preferred muggles still. He didn't like the tattooist knowing what they were for.

He ran his fingers, calloused from the stone walls and floor, over the raised marks on his neck. He could feel them well enough to know their shape. Not that he remembered anyone telling him his prison number. Peorð¸ the dice cup, mead cup, vulva. Its kenning long forgotten by muggles and wizard kind alike, one of Sirius' favourites, For its mystery and hedonistic leanings. Algiz, he knew of old, a warrior rune, a protection rune. He was amused to find that branded to his skin. And then the numbers three, nine, zero. The 390th prisoner he had to assume. Three and nine were magically powerful too.

He sighed and leant back against the hard metal of his cot. Everything was exhausting now. Dimly he wondered how long he had left. Before madness overtook him completely and he went silent like the rest. He would starve to death, most likely, staring at a wall until his body broke down.

'I am innocent.' He tried to say it aloud, but his voice was cracked and hoarse. 'I didn't fucking do it.'

'Je suis innocent.'

Ah, a new game. Something to make him think.

'Ego innocents.'

He grinned stubbornly into the dank cell. Alright. How many languages did he speak?

It was dark when Remus woke. The wolf leaping immediately forward in the unrecognised space, the smell of home and pack overwritten by the Aurors who had stomped through his place.

Then his eyes locked on the flash of warm red hair on the sofa and Remus managed to draw a shaky breath as the day's events flooded back.

He pushed himself up, ignoring the crampy feeling of his stomach complaining.

He lit the fire, a quick flick of his wrist and the wood was laid and crackling away merrily. Grabbing the floo powder, he murmured 'St. Mungo's, curse wing' and stuck his head in.

It took a few minutes of calling for a healer in purple robes he didn't know to appear in the staff room.

'Hello? Oh, it's Mister...?'

'Lupin, Remus Lupin.'

'Yes, of course. You are the gentleman with the Potters?'

Remus felt a shade of relief he didn't have to explain himself, 'Yes. I've got Lily with me now.'

'Oh, thank goodness. We have been so worried since she discharged herself. Is she alright?'

Remus glanced behind him, watching the stead rise and fall of her ribs with her breath, 'Yes, she's fine. A little tired.'

'That's too be expected. I don't suppose you could convince her to come back.'

'As a patient, I doubt it.' Remus smiled and the man grinned back.

'No, didn't think so. So, what can I help with?'

Remus cleared his throat, 'I just wanted to check on James.'

'Ah. You know we can't really give out patient details via floo…'

Remus waited.

'Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to tell you he woke briefly about two hours ago. The sedation is out of his system, but he really isn't up to much yet.'

Remus felt a notch of tension drop from his shoulders, 'Oh thank Merlin. Right, I'll tell Lily and try to get her back to you as soon as I –'

'You'll do no such bloody thing, Remus John Lupin.' A tired voice threatened from behind him.

He nodded to the healer, 'Thanks again.'

'Think nothing of it.'

Remus pulled his head back out of the fireplace and turned to see Lily sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

'What were you up to Remus?'

'Checking on James. He's fine, the sedation is out of his system but he's going to be groggy for a while.'

She nodded, 'Good. Not… you know, good he's not sedated.'

Remus smiled, 'I know. Are you hungry?'

Her eyes widened, 'Ravenous. I'm guessing there is nothing in?'

He rolled his eyes, 'Even if he had been here at any point in the last four months, there wouldn't be.'

'We'll have to then.' There was enough mischief in Lily's eyes to make Remus question why she hadn't been a Marauder from the beginning.

Remus got to his feet, 'I'll go see Mrs. Cheng, the restaurant is probably still open.' He squinted at the window to try and gage just how late it is.

'If it's not, we could always go down to Gerrard Street…' Remus was certain James had never looked that damn cheeky.

'I will not.'

She laughed and Remus felt like his heart was breaking. He was on his knees by the sofa before he knew what he was doing. He wrapped her tightly into his arms, careful not to jostle the still sleeping toddler on the sofa next to her.

Lily buried her face in Remus' neck, her hands gripping his t-shirt, 'It's alright Remus. I promise.'

He took a shuddering breath, and nodded, letting her go and standing fluidly. 'Fine. If downstairs is shut, I will consider Lee Ho Fook's. But only because it is for you and Harry, and you cannot tell James.'

Lily smiled, 'Sure thing. You go, I'll do some tidying.'

Remus went back to the mantlepiece, 'You didn't see me do this.'

He tapped the intricate Victorian carving with his wand, muttering the counter spells and unlocking charms, there were layers upon layers of spells here. He was surprised to find he still knew them all and tried to ignore the pang in his chest at the feeling of Sirius' magic swirling around his wand and hand.

The secret panel clicked and swung open, and Remus pulled out an envelope of muggle cash and a wand box. The box he passed to Lily, 'Erm, it won't like you. Probably. But it's something until we can get yours back. Sorry.'

Lily took the box and opened it. Then dropped it onto the coffee table with a look of disgust, 'Who's wand is that Remus?'

He could feel the chill from where he stood, even with the merry fire behind him, 'It's Orion's. Sirius inherited it, much to Walburga's absolute horror. It answers to him, which he also hates.'

Lily extended a hand over the deceptively warm looking wood, 'It's cherry isn't it?'

He nodded, 'Dragon heartstring too.'

'Great.'

She picked it up and swallowed. 'I'll be careful.'

Remus gave her a tight smile and grabbed his coat, heading out of the flat.