In Which Addison Attends the Wedding of the Century
"I thought I was gonna hate this party game thing, but it's kinda great," Cristina said as Callie wrote her vows on her hand.
Two hours ago, we were just getting home from the hospital and we walked into the girls already drinking. It was Cristina's bachelorette party and we didn't have time to sit in our feelings. Tonight was about Cristina and her wedding. That's how I ended up in a toilet paper wedding gown.
"Can we set her on fire after?" Cristina asked the group as they wrapped me in tissue.
I answered on their behalf, "No, we cannot."
"Okay," Callie frowned, "these wedding vows are not all gonna fit on here."
"Okay, then write smaller," Cristina urged.
Callie looked up at her, "Be still, please. 'Vow' just became 'cow.'"
"You don't need vows on your hand," Izzie interjected. "When you get up there, just speak from the heart."
"Uh, Izzie, the heart is an organ. It pumps, it circulates blood, it gets clogged from time to time. It does not, however, speak," spoken like a true heart surgeon. "It doesn't have tiny little lips on it."
"Well, you're all 'glass totally empty.'"
"I'm gonna like being married. It's the wedding part that's ridiculous," Cristina finished just as everyone's pager went off except hers.
I exclaim, "Oh! Party's over."
"Damn," Callie says as the girls start undressing me.
Cristina frowned, "Hey, mine didn't go off. Piece of crap."
"You can do this," Meredith said. "Right?
"Become a piece of chattel?" She shrugged, "Sure. Looking forward to it."
"I mean, no matter what, you're walking down that aisle today. I need you to go down that aisle," Meredith says.
My heart sinks a little bit as I get out of the toilet paper dress and make my way to the living room to get my purse. I can still overhear Meredith's concern and eagerness to get Cristina down the aisle. She sounds hopeless and that makes me think about our conversation the other day. She said she wouldn't know how to live if she couldn't be a surgeon. I'm starting to think that she's questioning our relationship… just like I am. If she wouldn't know how to live if she wasn't a surgeon, she wouldn't want to be married to a surgeon. The hopelessness in her words confirmed it.
"You marrying Burke... it's a sign. It's a sign that people like you and me can do this… be healthy, be happy. You marrying Burke restores my faith in me."
"Oh, I get it. My wedding's about you," I overhear them as I come back into the room.
"Yes."
"Okay."
Meredith looks from me back to Cristina, "You can do this, right?"
"I can do this."
"Okay," Meredith accepts her words and we all head to the car.
Pulling up to the hospital, all of us hop out of the car leaving Cristina to park it since she wasn't paged. I clock in and head for the nurses' station in the ER. Grabbing my chart, I find out that one of Rina's babies' hearts isn't well and Preston is already getting her prepped for the OR. Miranda walked up as the group of interns filed around the nurses' station.
"Okay. Listen up. Uh, O'Malley, you're with Saroyan and Sloan. Stevens, you're with Burke. Karev, Addison," she says just as I pass Alex my chart. "Go."
Everyone runs off leaving Meredith and I as Cristina walks up. Miranda looks to Meredith and nods, "Grey… you are with the chief's wife."
"The chief's wife?" she questioned. I realized that I never got to tell her about my day. Yesterday was chaotic.
Miranda nodded, "Yes. Go."
"Who am I on?" Cristina asks as Meredith runs off.
Miranda shook her head, "Uh, I didn't page you. Go home. Get some sleep."
"Yeah, but I'm here already, so…"
"You're getting married in less than 12 hours."
"Give us room," Dr. Burke says, interns following, as they make their way through the ER towards the elevator.
Cristina motions at him, "Well, uh, Burke's getting married, too, and he gets to operate."
"There's only one Preston Burke."
"There's only one Cristina Yang."
"Cristina…" I start.
Miranda frowned, "I've given you the day off, the whole day. It's a kindness. Take it. It's your wedding day. There'll always be more surgeries."
"But―"
"Really, what would you rather be doing, prepping a patient or prepping for your wedding?" Miranda asked her. "Go home."
Looking at Cristina's reaction, I think she'd rather be prepping for surgery. That sinking feeling in my stomach happens again… What happens if Cristina doesn't make it down the aisle? Does that mean things are over between Meredith and I? She doesn't seem to be sure of anything nowadays… I want her to be sure about me.
Cristina seemed to accept that she needed to focus on her wedding and walked away. I stepped closer to Dr. Bailey, "I saw you guys found the fourth climber. The ax? In his head?"
"It was a lot. Yeah," Miranda motioned for me to follow her as they made their way to the mountain climbers room. Mark, George and Stavie are all in the room with Andy, Jack and Dale. I wonder where the new guy is.
"They recovered Lonnie's body?"
Lonnie… He's the one with the ax in his head.
Stacie shook her head, "Not his body. He's alive. So why don't you tell me what really happened up there on the mountain?"
"We're half way up this ice wall. There's a… there's a ledge a couple of hundred feet above us. We figured we'd set up the tents, wait out the storm. Only Lonnie's insisting we go down the mountain."
"I told him, we gotta dig in, sit tight. He started freaking out, kept saying down is the way to go. And then he starts climbing down. We were tied together."
"And just like that… we're falling. I swing out with my ice ax, just trying to catch a rock. And I clip Lonnie in the back of the head. Ax just… snags. We thought he was dead."
"It was an accident," someone said as my pager goes off for the OR.
Walking down the hall towards the elevator, Meredith crosses in front of me. She stops and smiles, "Hey."
"I have surgery," I say, simply. This is the first time she's really spoken to me since she kicked me out of the locker room yesterday.
Meredith continued, "I heard you're the best man."
"Yeah."
"Well, maid of honor," she pointed to herself then me, "Best man; kinda perfect."
"Yeah."
"I know I haven't been myself lately, but I'm me again, so I was thinking maybe you should sleep over, because the me that I am is horny for the you that you are."
"I met a man last night."
"You met a man last night?"
"At Joe's. Nothing happened. He offered to buy me a drink. It was nice. He was nice."
"You met a man last night?"
"Yeah."
"So should I be worried or something?"
"Should you be worried that I met a man? No. Should you be worried that, for me, that man flirting with me was the highlight of my week? Yeah, you should be worried or something," I said, finally walking off.
No, that two second conversation at the bar was not the highlight of my week but the way he looked at me…? Meredith hasn't looked at me like that since the drowning. I wonder if she only said she'd marry me because she thought she would lose me. It's just weird because she doesn't have a problem leaving me. I've barely seen Meredith at all in the past couple of weeks and when we are together, it's almost as if she's not there at all.
I walk into the scrub room where Preston is already scrubbing in. He looks over at me, "I'm thinking two hours tops to repair this little heart, if all goes well."
"You're a lucky man, Burke. Cristina's great. She's there, she's sure. She's willing to commit. You're a lucky man."
"And you're not?"
"I'm not a man."
"There he is!" Mark came into the room, excitedly. "T-minus five hours. And how's the best man? Up to the challenge? I was an excellent best man."
"You know," I turn to Preston, "the worst case scenario is I sleep with your wife in ten years."
"Okay," he nodded as we suited up and made our way into the OR.
About three hours later, I look up to Dr. Burke and ask, "How are you doing up there, Preston?"
"Close call, but she's stabilized."
"Good work, Dr. Burke. We may actually get you to the church on time. You nervous?"
"No, not really. More, uh... excited."
"Hmm."
"Um, except about my vows. I wrote them myself, and… I don't know. They may be too… I want 'em to be right."
"Well, let's hear 'em."
"What, now?"
"Hey, you've got a room full of women. Try it out on us."
"Cristina… I could promise… to hold you… and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say… till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for… optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. And I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope."
"Okay, um…"
"I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. And I know. I am a heart man. I take 'em apart. I put 'em back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So of this I am sure… you are my partner… my lover… my very best friend. My heart, my heart… beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this… I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands. I promise you... me…." he paused, taking in the silence. "What? Too trite? Because I can rewrite it…"
"No," Izzie shook her head. "No. It's…"
"I think I speak for… every woman in this room when I say dump her," I said, dreamily. "Dump Yang and marry me."
After surgery, I find Dr. Bailey checking the bulletin board near the nurse's station. Callie walked up behind her and said, "I just checked. Chief resident hasn't been posted yet."
"Um, no, no," she shook her head. "I wasn't looking for chief resident."
"Yeah, you were."
"Yeah. Okay, I was," Miranda admits and catches my eye. She walks up to me, "How was the surgery?"
"It went well… Preston is on his way to the church to get ready."
"Great."
"George…" we hear Callie call out, following him into the supply room.
George turns around and smiles, "Hey."
"What I'm about to say is, uh, is crazy, and, uh, I… I… I am not responsible. I… I am saying this against my will. Because I am a surgeon, okay? I… I… I love my job. I love my life exactly as it is. Okay? Exactly as it is. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Not really," he admits. Miranda and I are confused too, to be honest.
Callie bit her lip, "I… I have no desire to house a human being in my body for nine long months and then… and then… and then push it out and raise it. Okay? None. Zero."
"Okay."
"Except housing a human for nine long months is all that I can think about. It… it… the thoughts are invading the surgeries that I love, and it's… it's… it's… it's hormonal. It's… and horrible. But it is happening… to me."
"You want to have a baby?"
"Apparently."
"There's a guy with an ax in his head," George replied.
Callie nodded, "Right. So go. I'm a freak. Just go. Just run. Just…"
"Thank you."
"Please," she turned around to see the two of us still standing there.
Miranda walked away and I tried to hold my tongue but I couldn't. "That was brutal…"
"Pretend that didn't happen."
"I'm going to go check on Adele," I said, shaking my head as I walked away.
Richard is sitting at Adele's bedside when I walk in. She's shooing him away, "Richard, you know you wanna go out that door and start bossing some people around."
"Take your pill, Adele. See? I can do my bossing right from this chair," he held the pull out to her.
She looks at me and takes her medicine from him. It's really awkward and silent as she washes down her pill. Adele frowns, "Go ahead, Richard, ask. I know you are dying to know whose baby…"
"Not really my place."
It's not really my place either… Luckily for me, Meredith walks in, "Mrs. Webber...your room is ready."
"Excuse me," Patricia, the chief's administrative assistant, walks in a second after, "but what do you want to do about the announcement for chief resident?"
"Look, I will be right back. I promise," he kissed her hand and ran off.
Before I'm able to speak, Adele looks at Meredith, "We've met before. You probably don't remember. You were little."
"Oh," Meredith looked confused.
I could tell by the look in Adele's eye where she was going with this. She spoke softly, "My husband always flirted with your mother. I didn't want to see that, so...I watched you a lot, watched you grow up. You turned out well. I'm sorry about your mother."
"I'M…" she stressed, "sorry about my mother, too."
"It wasn't your fault. Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault, she offered. "You get married at 25 thinking, this is it, happily ever after. Maybe there is no happily ever after."
Her words were so definitive, so sure; almost hopeless. I look at Meredith and her face makes me feel so discouraged. I clear my throat and finally excuse myself, "I'm going to let Meredith take over and get you to your room."
Walking out of the room, I head up to the OR to see Dr. Saroyan's surgery. She's going to remove the ax out of Lonnie's head. When I enter the gallery, I sit down and lean into the surgery.
George looks over to Stacie and shakes his head, "Poor guy… he just wanted to climb a mountain, and he ends up with an ax in his head."
"Well he shouldn't have tried to turn back. The group is going up, you go with the group," she said, simply. "Okay, drill, please."
"He panicked," he said, anxiety filed in his throat. "You have a right to turn back if you're scared."
"No, you don't. You chose to climb a mountain. You can't change your mind in the middle of the climb…" she said as she turned off the drill. "Okay."
"Now we pull it out?"
"Ah, yeah, but the ax went in as they fell, so there will be some tearing, it should be a shallow wound, and it should come out easily. You ready?"
"Yup."
"All right everybody. Here we go. Ready? Okay, one, two… three," they pull but the ax doesn't move. "That's strange. One… two… Three!" They finally pull it out. Stacie looks confused at Lonnie's head, "That's a clean cut."
Footsteps grab my attention and I turn to see Meredith entering the gallery. She looks at me like she wants to say something but I turn back to the surgery.
George looks at Dr. Saroyan and questions, "I thought you said there was gonna be tearing."
"I know. It doesn't make sense."
"You are a lucky guy," he says to Lonnie's unconscious body.
Stacie looks at his head, skeptically, "Yeah. Or the ax didn't go in there by accident."
"Meredith," Cristina's voice echos from the hallway.
Meredith says automatically, "Adele just confronted me about my mom's affair, can you believe that?"
"Meredith, you know how sometimes it's about you, and sometimes it's about me? This is really, really about me," she says, seriously,
We both turned around to look at Cristina and were very surprised, "Whoa."
"Mama took my eyebrows. She took my eyebrows, and now I am a Burke," she said as Meredith stood up and escorted her out of the gallery.
They close up in the OR and I have questions… so many questions. Why was that cut so clean? What really happened up on that mountain? Why did Mama Burke cut off Cristina's eyebrows?
I head out of the gallery and meet Dr. Saroyan and Dr. O'Malley outside of the scrub room. I urge, "So? That ax definitely didn't go in there by accident."
"No, definitely not. I'm going to find out the truth," she said, walking off. We follow her to the room where Andy, Dale and Jack are. She clears her throat, "Lonnie's stable… but the damage he sustained is significant."
"But is he gonna wake up?" Jack asked.
I looked at him, "Do you want him to?"
"What?" Dale questioned.
Stacie spoke up, "The ax in his head was put there deliberately. I just wanted to give you three guys another opportunity to tell me the truth."
"It wasn't…"
"Shut up, Andy," Jack cut him off.
He protested, "But we can't just sit here…"
"I said shut up, Andy."
"Is that how you let him talk to you at 14,000 feet? I have to talk to his family. You guys can talk to the cops," Stacie said as she made her way out of the room with George at her heels.
I walk out a second later and I catch Dr. Bailey at the bulletin board. She doesn't look happy. I wonder if Callie's gotten the chief resident position. I'm about to walk over when I see Meredith and Cristina walk up to her. I'm not in the mood to deal with Meredith so I hang out near this floor's nurses' station.
"Dr. Bailey."
"Yeah. What?"
"Cristina needs to cut something. I can't really explain it in a way that won't make you glare. But... they took her eyebrows and they called her a Burke. She really needs to cut somebody open."
"Yang… go... do... 'getting married' things. Get out of this hospital."
"Hey! I mean... hey. I… you have to let me cut, because I am standing here eyebrowless with no dignity left. I am a surgeon, Dr. Bailey. But right now I don't feel like one. I feel... like… somebody else. Do you know what that's like, not to feel like yourself?"
"Yeah," Dr. Bailey admitted.
Before I'm able to see the outcome, I'm paged to the chief's office. I meet Patricia at the door. She lets me in, "Sir, Dr. Montgomery is here."
"Thank you," he nods and she leaves, closing the door behind her.
I question, "Richard?"
"I've been doing a lot of thinking today… A lot of what Adele had to say… Maybe she's right. Maybe it's time I retire. I wanna do right by her. Be the best man I can be. So I was thinking… Maybe it's time you took over."
"What?"
"Congratulations. You'll make a fine chief," he said, standing up and extending his hand. When I didn't respond, he got worried. "Addison?
"I'm not the best man for this job. You're the best man for this job."
"What are you talking about, Addison?"
"A good chief learns from his mistakes. I'm still working on that. But you… if you had a chance to do it all over again, you'd do it differently. Go ahead. Do it all over again. Be the best man," I walk out, leaving Richard standing alone in his office.
That was… unexpected and overwhelming. I wasn't ready for that. Richard isn't supposed to be retiring for another few years. He can't give up now… not when everyone else is giving up too.
I made my way to my office. The wedding is in an hour and a half so I figured it's time I started getting ready. Grabbing my things, I make my way to the showers in the staff lounge. After a long, steamy wash, I curled my hair, did my make up and got dressed in my suit. I check myself out a few more times before I head back towards my office. I switch out my bag with my purse and I start for the lobby. Walking through the OR floor, I see Meredith and Cristina's names on the board with Dr. Bailey. She's getting married in thirty minutes… What is she doing still in surgery? I make my way up to the gallery where I see Dr. Bailey urging Cristina to leave.
"One more cut, and then you're gone. One," she said sternly.
She ignored her and Meredith started for her, "We gotta go now, Cristina."
"Grey."
"Put the scalpel down, Cristina. You can still do this, right?" Cristina looked at her and nodded. They head to the scrub room and I meet them out in the hallway. "What time is it?
"You got 30 minutes," I answered.
Cristina shook her head, "Oh, crap. I'm gonna be late for my own wedding."
"No, we're not. You go ahead. I'll be right down," she said as Cristina headed for the locker room. Meredith turned around to me and crossed her arms. "If you want to break up with me so you can see other people, just do it. Don't tell me you met someone new. Just end it if that's what you want."
"I can't."
"Sure you can. Here's how it goes… Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore."
"Meredith… I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So I'm asking you… if you don't see a future for us, if you aren't in this… please… Please just end it, because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."
"I… I can't. I… I… Cristina is getting married. I have to go make sure she gets married."
"Meredith…"
"I really need to make sure she gets down that aisle."
"Then go. You're running late."
Meredith runs off as tears well up in my eyes. I feel so defeated. Luckily Stacie comes out of the climbers' room and my emotions tuck themselves away. She shakes her head, "The story up to them falling was true. After they came to, they found Lonnie too hurt to move so Andy tried to put him out of his misery."
"Well, that's one way," I shrugged. I wish someone would put me out of my misery.
Stacie looked me up and down before she smirked, "I never knew how handsome a woman could look."
"Keep wishing, Stacie. Maybe you'll get over that hetero disorder one day," I said, making my exit.
I walked past the intern locker room as Patricia made her way inside, "Moment of truth, people."
Those must be the results of their exams. I made a beeline towards the room and arrived at the moment of celebration. Cristina shouted, "Yes!"
"Right here, baby," Alex smirked, happily.
Izzie let out a breath, "Yes. Thank god."
"Did you pass?" Cristina asked Meredith.
I let out a breath as she nodded, "You bet your married booty, I did."
"How'd you do?" Izzie turned to George. "Did you pass?"
"Yeah. I'll talk to you at the church," he said, leaving suddenly.
Izzie looks confused, "Okay."
"All right. Let's go," Cristina said as we followed her out of the locker room then out of the hospital.
We arrived at the chapel a few minutes later. The ladies rush Cristina to the room to change into her dress and I make my way up to Preston at the front of the church.
He looks at me, "You okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm fine. You need anything? Need a mint, huh? A getaway car?"
"No but you really don't… look so good."
"Meredith and I may not make it," I admitted. "I think I want it more than she does like she'd pick surgery over me. But today's your day. It's all about you today."
"You really are a good best man."
"I try." Izzie peaks into the chapel and nods in our direction. I whisper to Preston, "It's showtime."
The wedding march starts playing but no one comes out… I give it a few more seconds but I get really concerned.
"I should go see what's going on."
"Well, Cristina wouldn't be Cristina if she didn't need a little push." Preston replied, standing up taller.
I walked out into the hallway where the bridal party gathered. I see Cristina pacing and I worry. Clearing my throat, I ask, "Everything okay?"
"There are no words in my head. Okay? I have no vows. No vows."
"It's okay," Meredith tried. "It's going to be okay."
"You know what? Stop saying that! Will you say something else?"
"Like what?"
"Say something that is gonna help me."
"Okay, okay! I…"
"Meredith, please. You know what? Say something. Say… you know what? I don't know what. Say… say… okay. Say what I would say to you if you were me."
"Okay."
"Good."
"Got it."
"Good, go."
"Stop whining. This is your wedding day. You will go down that aisle and you will get married. If I have to kick your ass every step of the way to get you there, you will walk down the aisle. You will get married. Do you hear me, Cristina? We need this. We need you to get your happy ending."
"Okay, I'm ready."
"All right, then," I nodded.
Cristina pointed to her dress, "My train."
"Okay," Meredith nods as she spreads it out on the floor behind her. I turn around and open the door to the chapel and out comes Preston.
Cristina shoos him away, "Oh. I'm ready. I'm fine. I… Meredith talked me down. Really, I'm fine. Go, go, go. I'll be right behind you."
"I'm sorry," Preston bowed his head.
Cristina shook her head, "Oh… I can do this. You know, I had a momentary freak out, but now I'm fine. I can do this. Go."
"But you don't want to do this. I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle, and I knew you didn't want to come. I know you don't want to come but that you'll come anyway because you love me. And if I loved you… if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I hope you'll become, but you… if I did… I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go."
"I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And… and maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now. I really think I want this."
"And I really wish that you didn't think. I wish that you knew," Preston said as he walked out of the church.
Cristina stood there stunned for a moment before she started calling out for him. He didn't come back and we all knew it was over. The girls tended to Cristina while I made my way into the chapel and up to the front of the church. I cleared my throat, "It's over. You can all go home. It's over."
When I get back to the hallway, it's just Meredith left. She motioned towards the door and I followed her towards the limo we all arrived in. All of the ladies are in here but Cristina. Reading my mind, Meredith said, "The other car already took Cristina back to her apartment."
The ride to the hospital was otherwise silent. We get into our separate cars; Meredith and I heading towards Cristina's house. We're both worried about her… but I think we're mostly worried about our relationship. Meredith channels her worries by focusing on Cristina and I through silence.
We pulled up to their apartment and headed up to her floor. Meredith uses her key to let herself in and we find Cristina standing in the middle of the living room crying. She looks at us and sobs, "He's gone."
"I… I… I don't think he's gone," Meredith said, looking around the room. "Uh, his stuff is here."
"No, it isn't. His trumpet was here," she points. "His entire Eugene Foote collection… vinyl's and cd's…" she points. "His grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door. He's gone." She paused, "I'm… I'm free. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Oh, god. Get this off me. Take this off! Take this off! Please, just… I can't… help me, help me, help me!" Panicked, I grabbed some scissors off the counter and started cutting her out of her wedding dress. She falls out of it and breaks down into Meredith's arms.
It's over… It is so over.