Chapter Twelve

AN: Hey US readers, I just want to say I thinking of all of you. I love you, I hope that you will be okay and that you all make it out the other side of this safely and with the right man in the White House. Take care, stay safe. Any Polish readers out there, good Gods, I am with you. I love and support you too. And lastly, as offered on my Twitter, drop me a review or a message with a prompt or suggestion for a Wolfstar/Marauder one shot and I'll write it for you, to take our minds of everything that's going on right now.

Of course, Sirius had wanted to go straight to the Potter Manor. He had actually stood up, pushing away from the table and tried to make his way to the sitting room. But then Remus' strong arms had caught him around the middle, and turned him around, the two of them facing each other in the cottage's little hallway.

'Think about this Sirius, calmly.'

He shook his head and the world span a little, rubbing at his face he murmured, 'I just need to see that they're alright Rem. I need to.'

Remus' hands were still on his hips, 'I know. Padfoot, I promise you I understand. But you can't leave the cottage now. Remember, the appeal trial?'

Sirius blinked, 'Oh, yeah.' Transforming in and out of Padfoot and all this moving around had taken its toll. Sirius felt exhausted.

Remus seemed to know, 'Come on, let's sit and send a message back. We can speak to them after your medi-witch comes.'

He guided Sirius to the sofa, and Sirius folded gratefully onto it. Remus was hovering now, like he didn't know what to do with himself. Sirius had been raised in a world of limited physical contact. Shagging around had been one thing, but there was always uncertainty with the people he loved. And they had broken up, hadn't they? Remus had left, left him, left the flat.

Sirius' hazy brain shoved forward the memory of last night, Remus holding him, kissing him, calling him fy nghariad. Clever, beautiful Remus who had walked into the literal hell that was Azkaban for him. Sirius reached out and curled his fingers loosely around Remus wrist, guiding him to sit on the sofa.

'You look shattered.' The potion was working wonders on the pain in his throat, but his voice still sounded hoarse.

Remus chuckled mirthlessly, 'You are one to talk.'

Sirius smiled, 'Send the Patronus.'

Remus frowned, but didn't argue. He cast the spell.

Sirius adored the silvery wolf that shot out of Remus' wand. He always had. It spoke to the absolute best parts of Remus, his loyalty, his protective and loving nature. Remus could barely look at it. The wolf vanished carrying their message to Kent.

Sirius realised his fingers were still lightly wrapped around Remus wrist. So had Remus apparently, because he turned his hand to catch them, threading his fingers through Sirius'.

'I thought I had lost you.'

Sirius looked up, surprised, 'When?'

'Eejit.' Remus half smiled and shook his head, 'I was at your sentencing.'

'I remember.' Sirius had never forgotten, he could hear his own manic voice ringing in his ears as he begged Remus, begged him in front of all those people to help him. 'Did you believe them, that I killed Marlene?'

Remus peered at him then, trying to judge what was happening inside Sirius. Not much, Sirius reflected. He was too tired even to achieve the cold indifferent curiosity he had learnt as a child. He was simply interested. Remus was here and holding his hand after all, whatever came next was fine by Sirius.

Remus folded up, crossing his legs on the sofa cushion. His thick knitted socks were mismatched. He was still holding Sirius' hand.

'No. I was right behind you in that stair well. I saw you in their flat.' He pushed his free hand through his hair, and Sirius was certain he caught a fleck of silver in the tawney strands, 'Sirius… I… I should never have said those things. I should never have thought them. Forgive me.' Remus spoke as though his heart had broken, and Sirius felt the pain of it. The scene played out again behind his eyes.

The flat was a riot. Remus had been gone for weeks and Sirius hadn't bothered to clean up after himself. Remus grabbed the mostly empty whisky bottle from the table and threw it hard, the glass exploded above the fireplace and Sirius whirled on him.

'Hey! That was fucking mine!'

'And I told you I was sick of you drinking. I told you before I left.'

'Fuck you Remus. And where is it exactly that you have been all this time, eh?'

Remus had snarled, actually baring his teeth at Sirius, 'You know precisely where I have been.'

'Yes. I can fucking smell him on you.'

Fighting so often turned to fucking, but not this time. This time Remus had just looked at him, 'Any new tattoos, Sirius?' He had sneered.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'We all know information is being passed to Him.'

'I'm not the one disappearing for weeks on end with Dark bloody Creatures.'

Remus hadn't said another word, he packed and left while Sirius chain smoked and started in on the neat vodka from a not clean mug.

Sirius blinked, 'Not at all Moony, will you forgive me for believing it was you?'

Remus shut his eyes, leaning forward to press his forehead against Sirius' shoulder, 'There's nothing to forgive Pads.'

It was the most natural thing in the world to lift his other hand to Remus' head, cupping his jaw and stroking gently with his thumb. He dipped his head to Remus hair, breathing in the smell of woods and chocolate, of dusty books that was all Moony. He pressed his lips to the tawney hair.

Remus' fingers tangled in Sirius' jumper, clawing him closer. His breath hitched, breaking into sobs. Sirius untangled their hands to wrap his arms around the werewolf, pulling him tight up against his bony chest. The long fingers of one hand tangling in the curls at the back of his neck.

'Hush love, hush. You're safe, we are all fine.' Sirius murmured, lips moving against the top of Remus head.

'I thought… I thought –' Remus' voice cracked, '– I lost all of you.' He shuffled closer, turning his head to press his face against Sirius' neck. 'Pet – Pettigrew dead, Lily and James comatose. I tried to hold on to Harry, but after we… after you and I… I'm not his Godfather by myself. And…' His voice was even quieter now, 'Dumbledore said what could I give him anyway?' He sighed, 'Nothing.'

Anger soared in Sirius' chest. How dare Dumbledore say that to his Remus? Aside from James, Remus was the best man he had ever known. Sirius gave him a little shake but couldn't bring himself to try and pull Remus away to look at him. He circled his arms closer, 'You have so much to give.'

'You know that is a lie. I can't hold down a job. I don't have a house. And you were all gone.'

Sirius did pull him back that time, 'You absolute fuckwit. Where have you been staying?'

Remus met his eye, bright gold pupils shining with tears, 'A hostel, near St. Mungo's.'

'Why didn't you go home?' He was confused, 'To the flat?'

'Oh. I took Lily… two days ago. When we got Harry.' Sirius waited for him to go on, 'I didn't think of your flat to be honest.'

Sirius shook his head, 'Our flat. I put your name on the deeds years ago.'

'You did?'

He nodded, 'Of course, and on all my accounts.'

'Sirius, that's ridicul –'

He cut Remus off firmly, 'No. It isn't. It all goes to you in my will anyway.' And pulled him back into a tight hug. 'You. Eejit.'

Remus didn't fight him, but he did stiffen as Sirius' fingers made their way back to his neck, rubbing gentle circles.

'How long has he been this close to the surface?' Sirius deliberately pitched his voice low, and as soft as he could. He knew his Moony, and the wolf within. It wasn't that long since the full moon and under the amount of stress and upset he was slowly beginning to realise Remus had been dealing with, on top of spending the better part of three months solely with other werewolves he knew that the control they all prided Remus on was hanging by a thread.

'Since…' Remus took a deep breath, and Sirius knew he was taking in his scent, 'Since we broke up really. It was alright in the summer when I was still coming on Order missions, but after I only went to pack…' He shrugged and sat up but keeping his grip on Sirius' hip. 'Since Halloween though, it's the worst it has ever been. You know, our pack…' He shrugged again.

'I do know, I do.' He let Remus tug him in, turning and resting his back against Remus' chest. But he went slowly, not just because he still felt exhausted. He trusted Remus, but the wolf's possessive nature was a dangerous thing. It was easy to just submit, but after years of dating he knew better. Unless the moon was full and they were running under it, he did not submit. Not truly. Remus wrapped around him, settling him between his legs. Sirius could just feel the rumble in Remus' chest of the ultra-low growl.

'Remus, my love, I'm here. Please, the moon is gone for the month. We're all safe.'

He twisted to kiss Remus' jaw, and finally, slowly, Remus began to relax. Sirius stayed exactly where he was and felt the tension eke out of each muscle in the love of his life's body.

James had just sat down to eat the scrambled eggs and toast Lily put in front of him, when the silver wolf padded in through the closed backdoor. He sat, comfortably in the middle of the kitchen and spoke.

'We're so glad to hear from you. Padfoot and I are safe, at the hills. Dealing with ministry red-tape, will Floo you after.'

Lily watched her husband, gauging his rection.

James sighed, putting down his fork, 'At least he has him.'

She nodded, 'I'm not certain anyone could have stopped him. James, Remus was… I have never seen him like that before. He attacked Fabian.'

James looked up, 'Fabian Prewett?'

'Yes. He came running to hug me when we got there, it startled Remus.'

'Was he hurt?' James' firm Auror voice coming out now.

'No!' She shook her head, 'No, he was fine. Remus has had to live through all this James.'

'I know, I do. He'll just be a mess. Both of them.'

'Any ideas on the "red tape"?'

He passed a piece of toast to Harry, 'It could be anything, but they'll probably want someone to check Sirius over, make sure he's fit for trial. The sooner the better, for Sirius and for the Ministry.' He gave a bitter laugh, 'They will not like the idea that he's innocent. It will have been a field day for them, saying he turned, and they caught him.'

Lily swore under her breath, 'How can anyone believe it?'

'He's a Black, the Black heir, even after he was disowned that's still how everyone thinks of him.'

'But his parents weren't, aren't Death Eaters.'

'As good as. His grandparents supported Grindelwald, both his parents and Alphard were at Hogwarts with Voldemort. And then there's Regulus.' James sipped his tea, 'And then there's the fact that Sirius is difficult, rebellious and avoids straight answers.'

'While fighting Death Eaters every day of his life. James, it's insane.'

'I know. That is what we are going to prove at the appeal trial, so long as Sirius keeps his head, and doesn't just fight them.'

She looked at him, 'How much of a fight can he put up?' She and Sirius had been friends for years, she had tolerated him even before James at Hogwarts. But it still felt like there was so much she didn't know, he kept secrets even from the boys.

'Without seeing him, I can't say. He is an Occlumens, which is why they won't have wanted to try him in the first place, even if they don't know it for a fact. They'll say he learnt Dark Arts to keep the truth from anyone.'

'Which isn't untrue, is it?' Lily felt as though she was stepping onto thin ice, James was so protective of his adopted brother.

'In the strictest sense, no.' James was still in Auror mode, 'But he wouldn't be the curse breaker he is, or the Order member we relied on, if he hadn't. And I challenge anyone to grow up in that house, that family, and not learn a few things.'

Lily nodded and scooped Harry up, 'We are here for him this time, we'll get him back.' She inhaled, 'Oooft, Harry! Right, bum change for you little man.'

She left James with his breakfast, and the copy of the Prophet she picked up that morning.