Reader request! Reader is Jiraiya's friend and sees him as a muse. They're close and she has feelings for him. But wants like a real relationship. Drunk and lonely one night he makes a move on reader and she rejects him because it means something different to them both.

It ends with them reconciling.

Your head rests on the bar top. Maybe you're just plain stupid.

But you thought... And he just...

You sigh.

Why couldn't Jiraiya be different? You thought he was.

For a year you've been friends with the older man. And things have been great! You idolized him. He's got the qualities that all great shinobi ought to have. He's one of those extraordinary people that has achieved many great things but lives simply. He's the reason you became a ninja. You aren't going to win any awards or anything but you can hold your own.

Almost a year ago you stunned Jiraiya. You finally worked up the courage to speak to him. At first you were scared to speak to someone like that. What could a man who earned his title as a lord gain from speaking to some country bumpkin like you?

But he was really flattered. You shakily showed him your copy of his book. You explained that this along with some real life ambitions is why you decided to pursue a career in the military. You were expecting to be laughed off or scoffed at. But the newly published author was blushing. He fumbled along his clothing until he found a pen.

"Sorry. I uh... I've never signed an autograph before." Jiraiya said as he struggled to write his name onto the first page of your book.

"That's okay. I like it."

He laughed. It was more nervous than joyful. To your surprise he invited you to join him for a drink. Which was weird. Because he looks like he was about to go somewhere. He was packed up and looked ready to go on a long journey. You accepted. And the rest as they say is history.

Or so you thought.

You really like him. Like really really like him! He was the first Leaf ninja from Konoha to accept you. He mentored you every now and then. You love spending time with him. He must enjoy it too. Why else would he keep inviting you out onto dates? Neither you or him would consider each other as one another's significant others. It's casual. Breezy and no commitments. But it would be a lie if you didn't wish for more.

There's something right about being near him. Jiraiya is perfectly complimentary to you. He's an older man with experience. Something about that attracts you to him. He pushes you to do more. He makes you feel pretty. The dates haven't gone far other than a couple of curious touches of the thigh or back. But the desire is there. The way he looks you over sometimes leaves you thirsty. Until tonight he never made a move.

Things have been rocky lately. People warned you that Jiraiya isn't all he's cracked up to be. But you ignored them. They're just jealous or problematic dramatic city folk. Then you caught him.

He gets scoffed at as a pervert for a reason. You saw him perched out in front of a bath house peering inside. He was just blatantly staring at a bunch of naked women in broad daylight! It hit you with a ton of emotions.

It did hurt. Like you were so undesirable that he got his kicks elsewhere. Then you were weirded out. It's a scummy thing to do. It's invasive and objectifying. But that small part of you reasoned that if he had a steady woman... like you... then he would have all the material he could ever want to satisfy his needs. He's lonely. You are too. Both you and him know that about one another. You pulled away from him since that happened. He kept pulling you in just not that close.

Then he invited you out tonight for drinks. You couldn't resist. Jiraiya is flawed but he's still company you crave. His wrongdoings are easily ignored. His smile has you so enchanted. He's one of your only friends. One day you want him to be your boyfriend. You thought that this was the night. He was going to drink some of that liquid courage and steel his nerve. You were so nervous you hardly had a shot that was diluted in soda.

Jiraiya however was getting plastered. By the time you had finished sipping on one drink he had three bottles down and the bartender was happy to serve him more. He can hold his alcohol but this is getting ridiculous. He's not acting like himself.

Despite his reputation, Jiraiya has always been fairly respectable around you. He hasn't been super handsy. Until now. Your legs tense in surprise. His hand is on your thigh. Like high on your thigh. It's the highest he's touched you ever. He's staring at you. You stare back, unsure of what to think. His cheeks are flushed from alcohol. His expression is alluring. It's almost serious.

"What?" You ask quietly.

"I forget sometimes... how pretty you are."

"Uh..."

You didn't know what to say. He didn't give you time to think. His lips nearly devour yours. For a moment you are both stunned and elated. It's something you have wanted for a long time. Your crush is kissing you! But then the bitter taste of alcohol is heavy on his tongue. He's not sober enough for this. And you are far too sober.

This isn't right. You don't want him like this. He's been acting weird and this is going too far. He's thoroughly confused you. Are you someone he loves? Or just another girl he wants to bed? Does he care? Or is he has he only been concerned with getting into your pants? You don't know. You don't want him if it's the latter. You don't want him if you have to doubt!

The kiss broke messily as you shoved him off. At first he smirks. He's always liked it when a girl plays hard to get. It's a fun game to play. He goes back in and grabs your hips more firmly.

"No! Stop it." You say and push on his shoulders again.

"Hn? Come on, babe. I know you want me."

"No Jiraiya. Not like this."

He scowls at being denied. Now you're confusing him. He finally makes his move and you say no?

"Why not?" He asks.

"I don't want you... not when you're like this. I... I don't know what.." You trail off as you try and think of the right words.

He scoffs. You couldn't hide a cringe when his breath washed over your face. He's absolutely hammered. And no good can come out of this. Not when you don't know what he feels for you. Not when he's drunk either.

"Fine." Jiraiya growls. "I'll go find someone who does want me."

Your heart breaks at seeing him get up and leave. He does quickly find a different girl and successfully hits on her. They left together not too long ago. When they did you just... couldn't hide it.

Tears burst from your eyes. You rest your head on the bar top and had a good cry. The bartender, who had witnessed it all, was nice enough to comfort you. Although having some stranger tell you what a dick that guy was does little to make you feel better.

You feel... very alone. What are you to him? Right now you feel like an idiot. Did you get duped and manipulated by him? Were you anything at all to him? It feels like he only got close to you only to add to his body count.

All you do know is being around someone so shallow isn't good. Perhaps it's better to not see him anymore. He's made you feel... valueless. No good person does that. He's not worth it.

But to convince your heart of that will take a long long time...

Jiraiya awoke with a hangover. But he's naked and this bed doesn't feel like his. He smiles. He got lucky. He rolls over to give his companion a cuddle. He stops short. Oh... it's not you.

A pang of disappointment struck him. Then some relief too. He wouldn't know what to do if he fucked up the relationship he has with you. But at the same time he likes you a lot. It's just... not to the same standard as when he loved Tsunade. He wants something more but he doesn't know what that means.

You.

Guilt rose up. Same with shame. He remembers kissing you. Then you rejecting him. Then he... picked up some stranger and had sex with them. He did so rudely in front of you while you were distressed. Fuck...

He's such a prick.

As much as Jiraiya would like to blame the alcohol it's not a good excuse. It's no excuse at all. He was in pain. He was upset. He desperately wanted to be with someone to take that pain away. It's not an excuse to treat you like a booty call. You deserved much better than that.

He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. He sits there rubbing his face and temples as he tries to think. He's made a mistake. The lady he slept with awoke and crawled to him. Her lips peck his shoulder and up to his neck. She draped her arms around him and asked if he was up for more.

"No... Sorry. I need to go." He said.

He stood and found his clothes thrown around the room. He dressed and bid his one night stand goodbye. She looked disappointed but didn't press him to stay. The sun hurt his eyes. His head was pounding. He is sweaty and smells of stale alcohol. He nearly puked on his way but he needed to see you. To apologize.

You don't answer. Not your door. He feels terrible. For treating you so badly. It's not what a friend does. He gave up after a few hours of knocking and begging. He heard you moving around on the other side but you ignored him.

Luck have it Jiraiya caught you outside the next day. You ignored him when he called your name. He weaved through the people in the streets as he tried to flag you down. You didn't stop. Finally he reached you and grabbed your arm.

You turned to face him. You look so... hurt. You tore your arm away from him.

"Look. I'm sorry for what happened." He quickly spoke.

You look disappointed. You don't reply. You turn back around and keep going. That was cold. And it leaves him more confused. He grabbed you again.

"Please... Can't you forgive me? I was wrong for coming on to you."

"You're missing the point, Jiraiya." You spoke softly.

"What? I thought-!"

"I don't want to be friends anymore. Just... stay away from me."

This can't be happening. But it is. You pull away from him and walk away. He... can't lose another person. He can't screw up another relationship! He waited too long with Tsunade. He let Orochimaru get away. You, while a girl he has only known for a year, understands him in a way that they did. They held onto him when no one else did. But they still slipped away. He can't lose you too!

"Tell me what I can do!" He shouts.

You don't stop. People around him pause and look at him in confusion and offence for disturbing the peace. You don't even look over your shoulder.

Days pass.

The whole time Jiraiya contemplated. He let you have space. But he wasn't ready to give up. You mean something to him. You're more than a friend. But he doesn't want you as a lover... at least he doesn't think he does. You're attractive to him. He likes being near you.

When you approached him a year ago he was ready to dump this place. He was miserable. He lost all his friends. He didn't want to stick around and drag down who he had left. Minato and Kushina were building their lives together as a couple. It's cute but when he watches it he's hyper aware of how alone he is.

Then this nervous young woman came up to him holding out his book. You stammered and struggled to ask for an autograph. He was smitten with you. You were sweet. You looked up to him. When going out during... outings, he had fun with you. The most fun he's had since his family fell apart.

Then he went and treated you wrong.

But he can't leave you behind.

Jiraiya is confused about where the depths of his feelings lie, but he knows he can't let you go. He's learned from his past. It's too painful to let someone go. He can fix this! He can't lose another person he cares so much about!

It's late at night but he doesn't care. He runs to your house. But you aren't there. Thinking quickly he went to the places around Konoha he knows you like best. He knows you. It's nice. It's nice knowing how his friend thinks. It means he hasn't lost you completely.

The practice is interesting. Some call it out of date and superstitious. Others say it's good for balance and flexibility. He's always found it intriguing. Tai Chi. You say you do it to think as well as all the other reasons stated before. It looks pretty and serene in the shallow waters of the river. Almost like you are a spirit of the water. You have intense focus.

"Watch your feet." He broke the quiet with a lighthearted comment.

You pause for a moment. Then you continue, flowing from one stance to the next. Your feet do shift. But maybe you're just preparing to kick him.

"Go away Jiraiya." You say. "I don't want to talk to you."

"At least listen."

You don't reply. Your whole body moves with a deep sigh. He moves closer. Your face becomes more clear in his vision. The low lights of night make it hard to catch everything. You look tired.

"I don't want to lose you." Jiraiya spoke his mind. "You're my friend... and I don't want to lose any more of those."

"Is that what I am to you?" You snap.

You stop and glare at him. You wrap your arms around yourself.

"Yes. Aren't we?" He asks.

"I... I don't know. Right now it feels like... you only want me for my body."

Shock. He had no idea. Is he really that bad with women?

"No. No I like you for you." He clarifies. "You're sweet. You're determined. I like that about you."

You don't say anything. You turn away to stare out at the water. It's hard to believe him. But you want to.

"Do you love me?" You ask.

"I don't know."

A stir of emotions mix in your stomach. That answer is strange. Why is it all so muddy? He gets closer. He kicks off his sandals and rolls up his pants sleeves.

"But please... don't end this before I can figure that out." Jiraiya drops his voice to a whisper. The water splashes as he wades in it closer to you. "If I want you, I would want you for all of you. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that."

You turn your head. He's right in front of you. You stare into his eyes. They're serious. They're remorseful. They're desperate. He means it. He doesn't want to lose you. Like it or not Jiraiya still means so much to you. He's a good person despite his flaws. You still like him a lot with those shortcomings. No one is perfect, but they can change.

"Okay." You say.

"Okay?..." He asks. His hand ghosts near yours but hesitates to connect. "Okay... I'll take it."

Jiraiya adjusted to stand beside you. He offers a small smile.

"Can you show me some of your moves? I'd like to try it."

You nod. You slide into your last stance and he follows. It's quiet between you and him. It feels less weird. The relationship isn't to where it was but with time it will be. Maybe soon... Hopefully soon... Jiraiya can figure out what he wants from you. If it's just friendship, you'll accept that. If it's more you still want to pursue it.

For now it doesn't have a label.

For now both you and him are okay with that.