Chapter 8. Pursuit of Happiness
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Rosalie's POV
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Rosalie nervously chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments, before reminding herself that she was Rosalie Hale, and Rosalie Hale did not get nervous. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Edward giving her an amused grin, obviously listening in on her silent reprimand. Rosalie shot him a venomous glare, which unfazed him. The blonde decided she needed to stop acting so unlike herself, her family must think she was growing soft. They kept shooting her sly glances and were unusually forward with their teasing. Her reputation was going to ruins at an alarming rate. Rosalie scowled. They had no business behaving like this around her. She was Rosalie Hale god damn it, not an adorable puppy.
"Your recent behavior matches that description though," Edward quipped with a cocky grin.
"I will set your piano on fire," Rosalie threatened with a growl. "And your precious music sheets," It was entirely satisfying to watch Edward's expression sober up. Serves him right.
"Relax Rosie," Emmett said in a voice he probably considered soothing.
"Don't call me that!" the blonde snapped. Edward and Emmett exchanged looks, which Rosalie promptly ignored. She knew she was being a bitch, but she honestly couldn't help it. Esme had once mentioned it was a defence mechanism, throwing up walls when she felt overly emotional. Rosalie had rolled her eyes at the comment back then, but she privately knew her adoptive mother was right. She too had one taken a psychology degree after all.
Truthfully Rosalie was more worried than angry, not that she would ever admit that out loud. She couldn't stop replaying last night in her mind. She had driven Bella home after her visit and things had been great. Until suddenly they weren't. One moment Bella was flirting with her and in the next she grew distant and practically ran away. Rosalie wondered if she had done something wrong or if it had solely something to do with Bella herself.
The vampire knew her mate was struggling, who wouldn't with her violent history? They had some things in common, but Rosalie did not delude herself by thinking that she understood Bella had gone through or the extent of her trauma. She remembered the dark look that had appeared in dark brown eyes at Rosalie's question about what could be worse than meeting a human drinking vampire. There was a lot more to the story than Bella was willing to share. At least right away, Rosalie could be patient. She had to be.
Lauren's comment from yesterday about Bella's drinking habits were worrisome as well. Bella had admitted herself that she had a history with self-destructing behavior, and Lauren's harsh words suggested it was still ongoing, or at least had restarted. Not that Rosalie blamed Bella, but it was an unhealthy way to cope. The blonde had an inkling that Bella knew that too. She was too smart and too self-aware not to.
There was also the matter of Bella wanting to cease existing. Rosalie wasn't a fool; she knew those thoughts hadn't disappeared just because she was now in Bella's life. Rosalie was nothing but realistic. Her psychology degree, combined with her own life experience, taught her that Bella had to decide for herself whether she wanted to live or not, the blonde could not make that decision for her. That however did not mean that she couldn't be there for her mate. She would do her best to help, but other than that; she was powerless. If there was something Rosalie loathed more than anything in life, it was the feeling of powerlessness.
"She'll be here in a minute," Alice's voice brought her back to reality. Rosalie glanced at her sister and gave her a tight nod, not trusting herself to speak. Alice's eyes were full of compassion and seemed to recognise Rosalie didn't want any encouraging words, so she said nothing.
Rosalie almost sighed in relief. Despite her bitchy attitude and prickly words, she was grateful for her family's support. Without them, she didn't know if she was equipped to deal with her mate. Not that she was fully equipped at the moment, but she was a little better off.
She was also getting better holding up a conversation with Bella. Sure, she was still a bit awkward and sometimes fumbled with her words, but she had relaxed a considerable amount. Bella was either too polite to mention her previous behavior, or she simply decided to ignore it. Rosalie had a feeling it was the former.
"Finally," Emmett huffed as a familiar car rolled up. Rosalie waited with bated breath as Bella parked in her usual spot. A small frown marred the vampire's features when she realised Bella was not getting out right away, instead she sat in the driver's seat for several beats. As if she was mentally preparing herself for what was to come.
"Something's off," Emmett shared her worries.
"Is that so surprising?" Edward asked sardonically. "Pretty sure it's always something with that human," he had the gall to roll his eyes. Rosalie stiffened and shot him a glare fierce enough to make the bronze haired boy to avert his eyes.
"Careful Eddie," Emmett seemed just as pissed off, clearly insulted on his best friend's behalf. Rosalie almost quirked a smile. It was nice that her mate had other people in her life she could rely on.
"I'm just saying," Edward offered in a tight voice.
"You're just sulking because you can't read her mind properly," Jasper commented lightly, although his narrowed eyes did not match the tone of his voice. Rosalie hid her surprise. Guess Bella had made a good impression on her supposed twin as well. The thought warmed her, which did not go unnoticed by the ex-soldier, who winked at her.
"It's so frustrating!" Edward complained with a small whine. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Of course, he was just bitter about Bella's mental radio silence. Edward shot her a glare but did not contradict her. Rosalie snorted. Trust Edward to be this petty.
"Behave you two," Alice chided gently, staring at them warily. "She's out of the car," as Alice probably intended, Rosalie forgot about her irritation with Edward and her head snapped towards her mate.
True to the pixie's words, Bella was slowly making her way towards the school, her head bowed and obviously lost in thought. Rosalie's legs began to move on their own accord.
"Good morning," the blonde greeted casually when she was within Bella's earshot. Bella's head snapped up with an adorable confused expression. It would have been barely noticeable for a human, but Rosalie's enhanced sight could clearly see the way Bella stiffened. The change made Rosalie's stomach drop.
"Hey," Bella's smile was forced. Rosalie studied her for a moment, taking in her unusual ruffled appearance. Her clothes were slightly rumpled, as if she had thrown on the first thing she had found that morning. Her hair, albeit clean, was unrulier than normally and her posture was slouching. She looked more tired than Rosalie had ever seen her, even her eyes were bloodshot.
"Are you okay?" the question was out of Rosalie's mouth before she could rethink it.
"Yes," the answer was too quick. The blonde raised one eyebrow. "Just tired," Bella deflated.
"I hear coffee works wonders," Rosalie suggested thoughtfully.
"Oh I've had at least a bucket of black coffee this morning," Bella shot her a lopsided grin. The expression was incredibly charming.
"A whole bucket?" the vampire teased. "Sounds excessive,"
"Go big or go home," the brunette smirked. "I rarely do things by half measure,"
"Sounds intense," Rosalie smirked back.
"Why bother with anything less?" Bella joked. "Intensity brings out the colours in life," There was something magnetic about Bella's challenging smirk. Rosalie was instantly reeled in.
"What other things do you do intensely, aside from caffeine usage?" the underlying current in Rosalie's tone was hard to miss. Bella's eyes flashed with something that looked a lot like desire. The thought excited Rosalie and she couldn't hide the smirk that curved her lips.
"Are you sure you can handle that knowledge?" Bella flirted back, her tone dropping an octave.
"I think you underestimate me," Rosalie was surprised how steady her voice came out. Usually she was a bumbling mess around her mate but in that moment, she felt like her usual confident self.
The air was electrifying, as if the world around them was all but forgotten. Bella's dark brown eyes had darkened considerably, pupils fully blown, which made Rosalie wonder how her own eyes appeared to the time traveler.
"I assure you that I am fully aware of you Rosalie," the rasp in Bella's voice shot shivers down the blonde's spine. As if under a spell, Rosalie stepped into her personal space.
"I would be disappointed if you weren't,"
"Would you?" the brunette breathed out, the tension crackling in dark brown eyes.
"Most definitely," Rosalie murmured. "In fact, I've been craving for some colour in my life,"
Rosalie couldn't deny that she took a great amount of satisfaction with the way Bella swallowed thickly at her words.
"Life can be pretty dull without it," the brunette remarked quietly, her eyes fixated on the vampire's lips.
"Dreadfully," Rosalie agreed. "I'm not too keen on living without it,"
"Understandable,"
"So, tell me Bella," she practically purred the name, almost smiling when Bella visibly shivered. "What else do you do intensely?" her mate seemed just as entranced as she was.
"Everything," hot air hit Rosalie's face as Bella leaned in.
"I require a demonstration," the vampire zeroed in on inviting lips. She had forgotten the fact that they were positioned in the middle of the school parking lot and in full view. She forgot this was not what she had envisioned when she thought about their second kiss. Everything faded away in that moment and the only coherent thought she had was that she needed Bella's soft lips on hers.
"Who am I to deny the lady?" Rosalie's eyes fluttered close at the whisper and waited in anticipation. Their lips had barely touched when she registered a catcall in the background.
As if woken up from a dream, Bella sharply jumped back with a startled expression. Disappointment hit Rosalie like a slap in the face. Bella's eyes were wide; filled with a turmoil of emotions. She looked as if she were at war with herself. Then, to Rosalie's dismay, her face blanked and she took another step backwards.
"I'm afraid I got a bit carried away," her tone was stiff. "I apologize,"
"Bella-"
"I must visit the library before class," Bella cut her off. "See you later," she snapped into action and Rosalie watched her retreating figure with a confused frown. The shift had been so abrupt that it gave the vampire a whiplash.
"Tough luck," Emmett appeared out of nowhere, but Rosalie was too strung up to even muster a snappy retort.
Bouts of laughter sounded across the parking lot. The siblings followed the noise and noticed a group of students staring their way. Rosalie shot them a murderous glare, and the laughter quickly died down and everyone averted their eyes.
"You could have cut the tension between the two of you with a butter knife," Alice walked over with a teasing smirk. "Is this going to be your thing now? Kissing Bella in the parking lot?" the memory of their first kiss flashed before Rosalie's eyes. The irony was not lost on her.
"You'll get another chance," Emmett patted her arm in a comforting manner. "Perhaps with less eyes on you,"
"Maybe not the most romantic environment," Alice agreed sympathetically. "Not anyone is comfortable with public display of affection,"
"I'm not sure that's the problem," Rosalie murmured, more to herself than her siblings. After all Bella had been the one who instigated the first kiss, which was in public and with an audience. No, this was because of something else. Bella didn't seem embarrassed by the attention and that's not why she fled. Something else was bothering her.
"What do you mean?" Alice asked hesitantly.
"I'm not sure yet," the blonde answered. Bella was obviously attracted to her, that much was obvious. Her reaction and words could not be faked. It had also been very clear that Rosalie was interested.
No, Bella had stopped because of something else, although she wasn't sure what. Rosalie intended to find out.
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Two things became clear as the day dragged on. Firstly, her siblings were on a mission to tease Rosalie about the fact that she tried to seduce her mate in the school parking lot on a Tuesday morning. That was the words Emmett used anyway and the rest did not correct him. If they weren't around so many humans, Rosalie would have thrown him out the window at the first given opportunity. Secondly, Bella was avoiding her. Both things annoyed her, but the latter hurt more.
They shared one class, and Bella had been quick to snag the empty seat next to Angela and proceeded to ignore everyone for the entire class. Even Angela barely got words out of her. In between classes, Bella was nowhere to be seen, which meant she was actively taking routes to classes that Rosalie didn't take. That was an impressive feat in itself since the school was rather small. Apparently, Bella could be pretty stealthy if she wanted to. It was a small consolation that she wasn't the only one Bella was avoiding, a fact Emmett had complained about for the entire day.
"I guess you scared her off," the big man grumbled during lunch. "Couldn't you wait until school was over? I wanted to spend lunch with my best friend," the words triggered anger in the blonde.
"Will you quit it!" she practically snarled. A wave of calm washed over her. Rosalie shot Jasper a halfhearted glare, although she was secretly glad for his help.
"I'm just saying. Maybe next time choose a different timing," Emmett pouted.
"Don't," Alice warned Rosalie, who considered throwing her lunch tray at Emmett's face.
"Whatever," the blonde huffed and redirected her attention. Her eyes automatically landed on Bella's usual table. The brunette was noticeably absent from the group. Rosalie had listened in on their conversation earlier and discovered that none of them knew where Bella was. She had a feeling Angela knew more than she let on, but she was unusually tight lipped about it. They all had different theories, most of them circling around the near kiss that morning, the gossip traveled fast. Lauren's theories were filled with its usual venom, although Rosalie felt smug that she was sporting a black eye and a split lip. It was obvious that the rest of them ignored Lauren's opinions and were actually worried over Bella's wellbeing. Rosalie was a bit surprised, as she always considered Bella's friends shallow and immature, aside from Angela that is. It was a bit heartwarming to see they were sincere in their worry.
"Do you think she even wants to hang out after school now?" Emmett's voice brought her attention back. She knew he never had a best friend before and that he was hurt over Bella's avoidance, but Rosalie was getting beyond frustrated with his sullen tone.
"Maybe you should give her time," Jasper suggested gently to his brother. Emmett sighed and nodded, although not without shooting Rosalie an annoyed look.
"Will you fucking stop with the attitude?" the blonde hissed. "I understand you are disappointed that you haven't talked to her today, but you are not the only one. My mate is avoiding me and refused to even look at me in class earlier. I have no idea what I did wrong and it's killing me. I don't know how to fix this or how long she'll keep avoiding me. So excuse me for not giving two shits whether you'll be able to play Call of Duty this afternoon or not!"
She let out a harsh sigh when her family just stared at her after her outburst, which thankfully was not loud enough to draw attention to them. Emmett's look shifted to something apologetic.
"I'm sorry Rose," he offered ashamed. "I didn't realize,"
"Yeah well…" Rosalie drifted off. Even Jasper's calming wave couldn't completely dispel her distress. "I need some time alone," she abruptly stood up and stormed off, feeling vulnerable under the pitying looks from her family.
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The next three days went by in the same manner and Rosalie was not-so-slowly losing her mind. Bella was like a ghost, alarmingly good at disappearing at will. Rosalie in fact had only managed to catch a few glimpses at her and the sight had been worrying enough. She looked more rundown each day and Alice had mentioned she was afraid she would show up like a homeless person if this cycle continued. Rosalie glared when her sister made that comment, but she privately agreed. Bella was like a walking zombie, her face pale and had purple bags under her eyes; it was quite obvious she was getting little sleep.
Bella wasn't only avoiding her but seemed like every person she ever interacted with. Her friends were seriously considering showing up at her house and talk some sense into her. Rosalie imagined that scenario wouldn't go so well with her mate. Still, she shared their thoughts and had considered on doing that herself. She needed answers.
"We need to do something," Emmett declared seriously during lunch. Rosalie sighed but nodded.
"She doesn't want to talk to you Emmett," Alice leaned against her husband. "She told you this herself," Rosalie's eyes widened, and she looked at Emmett.
"You talked?" the desperation in her voice almost made her wince. Luckily no one remarked on that. The big man simply nodded. "What did she say?"
"I caught her before History class yesterday," he explained sadly. "She didn't say much. Just that she didn't want to talk to me, and it would be in my interest to stay away,"
"She said it would be in your interest to stay away?" Rosalie frowned at the wording. The answer was hidden in the sentence.
"She didn't say she wanted to stay away," Jasper said thoughtfully, obviously on the same track as Rosalie. "She said specifically 'in your interest'?" Emmett nodded.
"It's not as if she can hurt us," Edward scoffed. "Did she forget we are vampires?"
A lightbulb went off in Rosalie's mind.
"That's it," she murmured, making everyone look at her. "She thinks she's dangerous,"
"That's ridiculous," Edward rolled his eyes. "We are the monsters here. She only travels through time,"
"Exactly," Rosalie nodded, and in any other circumstances it would be humorous to see the other three's jaw drop when she agreed with something Edward said. Even the boy himself looked surprised.
"Not that we're monsters," she added hesitantly, although a bit unsure. Bella's words were still swirling around in her head. "But the fact that she travels through time. Bella thinks that will affect us in some way. She's afraid to hurt us," the words felt strange on her tongue, as the thought had never even occurred her.
Humans normally wouldn't be afraid of hurting Vampires, but then again; Bella was a rare bird. Rosalie both wanted to smile fondly at the notion and shout at the martyr behavior. A small voice at the back of her mind pointed out the similarity of her own thought process. It seemed as if she had more in common with her mate than she realised. Rosalie pushed the voice down and focused on the matter at hand.
"Us?" Emmett asked baffled.
"Sounds familiar," Alice eyed Rosalie critically. "Quite ironic, isn't it?" the blonde ignored the question and the accusing tone.
"They are made for each other," Jasper agreed with his wife, although not unkindly.
"Bella wouldn't hurt us," Emmett said firmly, either oblivious or not caring about Alice's observation. "She's too good for that,"
"That's the reason she is staying away," Edward drawled, rolling his eyes when Emmett turned to him confused. "She doesn't want us to get too close to her because she cares,"
"That doesn't make any sense," Emmett argued.
"Of course it does," the bronze haired boy sighed, running his fingers through his already unruly hair. "Most of the time I can't read her mind, but sometimes I catch glimpses. She doesn't exactly travel to Disney Land every time,"
"I know that,"
"No you don't," Edward lectured his brother. "In fact, none of us do. She's obviously damaged," Rosalie felt an instinctive snarl start to tug at the corner of her mouth at the word he used. She caught it before it took form, taken aback by her own response. Edward paused for a moment, eyeing her warily before continuing.
"There's a reason she wants to kill herself Emmett. She's trying to spare you the pain of having to mourn her. Or get sucked into her self-destructing behavior. I've read her friends thoughts about the alcoholic and substances abuse, and her behavior in the past. She's not exactly an angel and everything is pointing to the fact that she's going back to old habits. It's not as if she had a lot to live for," the last sentence felt like a punch to Rosalie's heart.
"Of course, she has things to live for," Alice added hurriedly, looking at Rosalie with concern.
"She doesn't know Rosalie is her mate," Edward pointed out. "So, she's actually trying to shield Rosalie from inevitable pain. She's acting on kindness,"
"This is not kindness," Rosalie bit out, glaring at Jasper when he tried to soothe the raging fire she felt. "And don't call it an inevitable pain,"
"I'm just reasoning how it might seem from her perspective," Edward shrugged.
"Or you are simply deflecting because that's what you think," the blonde accused, although some of it made sense. Bella was the type to shield others from her own pain and not ask for help.
"I'm not. You even agree with me," Edward adopted a smug grin, as if he won some argument. Rosalie wanted to bash his head in. How dare he sound so blasé about the situation?
"Edward," Alice chided. "This is serious,"
"I know this is serious!" his grin was quickly replaced with an angry scowl. "She's your mate after all," the words were mocking and slightly bitter.
"Just because you're jealous that you haven't found your mate yet, doesn't mean you are allowed to-"
"I am jealous!" Edward cut Rosalie off, his confession throwing her off. "You have a mate Rosalie but you've been acting like you don't have one!" Edward glared at her accusingly.
"That's a bit harsh Edward," Emmett frowned.
"No, she needs to decide if she wants to have Bella in her life or not,"
"Of course I want to have her in my life," Rosalie growled, offended he would even suggest otherwise.
"Really? Because from where I'm sitting, it isn't clear," Edward arched one eyebrow. "Bella is hurting right now and you're just sitting and sulking about it. Either you talk to her and try to help her or we move away and you can go back to believing in that soul mates aren't for everyone,"
"You're giving me an ultimatum?" Rosalie let out a harsh laughter. "Really? Mr. We-are-soulless-monsters! The same guy that was in agreement only a few weeks ago that I should not turn a human. That's rich, coming from you,"
"Okay guys let's take it down a notch," Alice suggested warily. "We don't want to draw attention to ourselves," Luckily only a few students looked up when Rosalie raised her voice a fraction, the rest remained oblivious.
"She's not only a human though, is she?" Edward fired back in a lower volume. Rosalie opened her mouth but closed it right away.
"We don't even know if she can be changed. What I agreed with was to not change Bella so she could live a fulfilling human life. We both know that's not going to happen if things remain unchanged," he adopted a harder tone. "Either she is going to die in one of her travels because she's behaving recklessly or she's going to take her own life," Rosalie stopped breathing. "So, make a decision. Either back out entirely or try to help,"
"What if she doesn't want our help?" Jasper asked when it was clear Rosalie wasn't going to speak.
"Breathe," Alice reminded her, and the blonde obeyed on reflex.
"Then that's her decision. At least try," Edward crossed his arms.
"I thought you didn't care that much about her?" Emmett asked, although his eyes held more sadness to them after Edwards explanation.
"I hardly know her," Edward huffed. "I do care about my family though," he met Rosalie's eyes for a brief moment. Rosalie felt oddly touched, despite still being angry at him.
"Listen," he sighed tiredly. "We don't always see eye to eye and sure, I have my personal beliefs about our…lifestyle, but that doesn't mean I don't care about your happiness. Both of us have been without mates for almost a century, and out of the two of us – you're way more deserving of one," a playful twinkle entered his eyes. "Plus, you're supposed to be the angry one and I'm the one who's sulking in the corner. It would throw off the whole dynamic if we both end up sulking. We need a balance," Alice giggled at that and Emmett and Jasper smiled. Even Rosalie felt amusement mix into the surge of affection she felt towards her brother.
They had never really gotten along, their personalities clashing right from the start, but with time they managed to co-exist somewhat peacefully. They still butted heads but mostly out of respect to Esme and Carlisle, they kept their arguments to a minimum. Sometimes, albeit rarely, they had moments of friendliness. Rosalie was honestly surprised to hear how much he cared about her happiness and was even willing to put his personal beliefs to the side to support her. Rosalie gave him a slow nod, trying to let him know that he acknowledged his words, a bit overwhelmed to say anything. Edward nodded back with a small understanding smile.
"Have I somehow entered the Twilight Zone?" Emmett broke the moment, staring at the both of them strangely. "Is this real life?"
"I think this is wonderful," Alice clapped her hands excitedly, her smile beaming. Jasper offered his wife a fond look, although he too was smiling.
"Ease up everyone, this isn't a Hallmark movie," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Just because Edward says one decent thing in 50 years, doesn't mean we are best friends now," Edward merely smirked and added a cheeky wink. Rosalie's lips almost twitched in return.
"So, you'll talk to Bella?" Emmett got back on track.
"I will," Rosalie vowed.
"Good," the big man seemed incredibly relieved. "It's getting boring without Aristotle. Plus, I'm sick of playing single player all the time,"
"Priorities Em!" Alice reached over and swatted his head. Rosalie snorted in humour, knowing Emmett was simply trying to lighten up the mood. She knew his priorities was first and foremost Bella's wellbeing. Emmett grinned at the blonde, obviously happy to bring her some amusement.
"No worries, I'll work on getting your best friend back," Rosalie told him seriously.
Maybe she had to take a page from Bella's friends' book and consider simply confronting the stubborn brunette. Preferably somewhere private and this time not on the school premises.
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Rosalie steeled herself as she rang the doorbell. She could hear movement in the house although no one answered. She sighed and rang again. There was some rustling and a loud bang, accompanied with a curse, which brought a faint smile to Rosalie's lips. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the door opened, and Bella's head poked out.
"What are you doing here?" she sounded defeated. "I thought I made things clear – "
"You most certainly did not," Rosalie cut her off a bit more harshly than she intended. "What you've done is avoid me and probably hope I'd take a hint,"
"Well yeah-"
"Which is incredibly short sighted, and I honestly expected more from you. We're adults and adults talk instead of skirting around the issue. Obviously, you don't want to see me, but I think I deserve an explanation in the very least?" Rosalie raised one eyebrow. Bella stared at her for a beat before sighing heavily.
"You do," she murmured and opened the door wider, gesturing for the blonde to follow her.
Rosalie closed the door behind her and trailed after Bella into the living room, where the brunette immediately sat down at the couch. Rosalie eyed the room, both taken aback yet at the same time not surprised by the state of it. The place was a mess, broken glass on the floor, empty take out boxes and a considerable amount of alcohol bottles, almost every one of them empty. Nothing about it screamed like a party, only sorrow and anger.
"Please," Bella pointed at one of the armchairs, which Rosalie gently lowered herself down on. "I'm sorry about this mess," she waved her hand in a vague gesture. Rosalie wondered if she was referring to the room or herself, perhaps both?
"I didn't come here to inspect your house," the blonde offered gently.
"I know," Bella had never seemed so small and in that moment. "I'm sorry for my behavior as well,"
"I might forgive you," Rosalie began haltingly, waiting for Bella to look up. "If you promise me you'll stop and instead just talk to me?" she added. Bella did not answer.
"What happened?" the blonde tried instead. "Why did you pull away?"
"People were watching and –"
"Bullshit," Rosalie interrupted the weak excuse. "Don't lie to me," Bella fell silent at that.
"You were about to kiss me and then you stopped," Rosalie continued. "You've kissed me before and you did not care if people were watching then, so don't try to convince me you suddenly got shy,"
"Rose," Bella sighed.
"Emmett said you told him it would be in his interest to stay away from him," the blonde pressed on. "Your words suggested he should stay away but you don't actually want to,"
"You're reaching," the brunette remarked, although her voice was unconvincing.
"I told you before that you underestimate me Bella. I am strong enough to handle the truth," the vampire promised.
"I know you're strong Rosalie," Bella murmured. "That was never a question. I just don't want to be the one who breaks you,"
"You make it sound like you hold an awful lot of power over me," Rosalie quipped dryly. She did, but Bella didn't need to know that right now.
"Perhaps," Bella let out a small sardonic laughter. "I may overestimate myself but I'm not really willing to take any chances,"
"So, if I'm understanding this correctly, then you're making a decision for me?" Rosalie questioned; the hypocrisy not lost on her.
"Well-"
"I have no say in what I want?" the blonde wondered.
"You don't want this," Bella shook her head, bloodshot and slightly glassy eyes meeting Rosalie's for the first time. The vampire realised then that Bella had been drinking that afternoon too.
"Which you've decided for me?"
"Damn it Rose!" Bella ran her fingers through her tousled hair in a frustrated move. "Okay look, I understand you might feel some obligation towards me," Rosalie frowned in confusion. "Perhaps even a misguided belief that you somehow owe me for New York but -"
"What?" Rosalie blinked, not expecting that in the least. "Bella, while I'm incredibly grateful for what you did for me in my human life, please don't confuse that for my genuine interest in you. I like you because of who you are, and I liked you before I even remembered that you were there that night," she stressed with as much sincerity as she could muster.
"You don't know me Rosalie," Bella sighed, switching tactics. "If you truly did, then you wouldn't bother,"
"I want to get to know you," Rosalie said softly. "I also wish for the opportunity to make that decision for myself. I'm well-versed in self-loathing Bella, your words won't scare me away,"
"It's not just self-loathing Rose," Bella stated seriously. "My life is too complicated. I have no control over my powers, and I can be whisked away at any given moment, to any time in history. I never know when or if I get back and every time I return, I come home more broken than I left," her tone was getting heated. "I'm a fucking mess Rose. Some days I don't know what's real or not!" Rosalie's heart broke for her mate. "You deserve so much better. You are all kinds of wonderful and I'm just…" Bella trailed off.
"Bella -"
"I'm not a good person,"
"I thought we already had this discussion?" Rosalie raised one eyebrow. "Twice,"
"You can literally have any person on the planet. I have nothing to offer,"
"I don't want any other person on the planet, and I ask for nothing,"
"You're so stubborn," Bella almost growled.
"Takes one to know one darling," Rosalie quipped. Bella blew out a frustrated breath. The vampire observed her for a moment. "Let's put your argument away for now and just answer me one question," Bella nodded faintly, although a bit apprehensively. "Do you like me?"
"I…" the brunette hesitated, as if unsure what her answer would accomplish. "That doesn't matter," she finally stuttered.
"It matters a great more deal than you think," Rosalie argued, her calm tone slipping up and frustration leaking in. "It's a simple question Bella. Are my feelings one sided?"
"No," the answer was timid and a bit defeated, yet it made Rosalie feel warmer than she had ever felt before.
"Why can't that be enough for now?" Rosalie maintained her calm tone. "We'll take one thing at a time," she hesitantly stood up and moved to the couch, slipping in the seat next to Bella. "Let me make decisions for myself. Every argument you have made so far has been about me deserving more. What about yourself Bella?"
"What?" the time traveler blinked in confusion.
"Why don't you deserve better?" Rosalie asked gently. She watched Bella frown, as if the thought had never occurred to her, which was heartbreaking in itself.
"I'm not perfect Bella," she sighed. "I have many flaws and I too have warped opinions about myself, but I like to think that if given a chance, I'd love to try to make you happy and do my damn hardest to show you that you deserve more in life than what you have gotten so far," it was the most honest thing Rosalie had ever said in her life.
"Rose-" Bella began but trailed off, overwhelmed with the words. A lone tear escaped her eye and Rosalie's finger caught it without a second thought. Topaz eyes bore into dark brown.
"Please give me a chance Bella," Rosalie murmured, her finger softly trailing a warm cheek.
"I…" Bella shook her head gently, although it looked as if the action was more directed at her inner monologue than Rosalie's words.
"Bella? Please say something?" Rosalie encouraged when a full minute of silence went by.
Bella blinked, as if awoken from a dream. A familiar stubborn glint shone in her eyes.
"No, I can't," she leaned away from the contact. "I'm sorry Rose,"
"So that's it?" Rosalie's patience snapped. She knew Bella was just being stubborn and keen on playing the martyr, but Rosalie still felt a bit hurt. Rosalie was never a patient person to begin with and a rejection from her mate, was enough for her to lash out. "You're just going to drink your sorrows away? That's your grand plan?"
"Excuse me?" Bella's eyes flashed with hurt. "So that's how it's going to be? Because I said no, you're going straight into questioning my life choices? What happened to 'I ask for nothing'?" Shame washed over Rosalie at her petty behavior. Bella was right.
"Who are you to barge into my life and demand – "
"I'm sorry," Rosalie cut her off gently. "I didn't-" she blew out a frustrated breath, trying to calm herself. "It came out wrong, I apologize. I'm just worried,"
"I'm fine," Bella dismissed, her voice a bit hollow.
"You're not," the blonde insisted, not unkindly.
"So you're making decisions for me now?" Bella mocked and Rosalie gave her a stunned look. She watched with quiet concern as the brunette picked up a flask off the table and took a large sip. Rosalie scrunched her nose at the foul smell of the drink. Perhaps she had underestimated just how much alcohol Bella had drank already.
"Of course not," Rosalie said after a moment. "I just know you're having a rough time and I worry you might-" she cut herself off. She almost revealed that she knew of Bella's plans.
"I might what?" Bella narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Do something you regret," Rosalie finished vaguely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the time traveler demanded, and Rosalie knew she had to stop the conversation. Bella was clearly not in the right state of mind and was acting too defensive, which combined with Rosalie's own defensiveness, could turn explosive within a second.
"Forget I said anything," the vampire remarked and stood up. "I'm sorry for just showing up. I at least needed to try. I'll give you some space,"
"So that's it?" Bella's laughed bitterly. Rosalie froze in her steps and slowly turned around.
"I thought you wanted me gone?" the blonde said stiffly. Bella frowned and looked down.
"I guess, yeah," the uncertainty in her voice tore at Rosalie's heartstrings.
"I'm not going forever," the vampire assured. "I just feel like we both need to cool off for a bit. We'll talk later,"
"You're not afraid I'll do something I might regret?" Bella arched one eyebrow. Rosalie couldn't stop the flinch. She knew Bella was just lashing out because she was confused and drunk, and not so subtly trying to fish for information, but the mere idea of Bella trying to take her own life as soon Rosalie would leave, was unbearable.
"You won't," Rosalie spoke without thinking.
"What makes you so sure of that?" Bella challenged.
"Because I don't think it's what you really want," the vampire hesitated and took a calculated risk. "I only think it's an option because you feel like you don't have any others,"
This time Bella flinched, hard. Dark brown eyes zeroed in on topaz with an unusual clarity given the circumstances.
"You know," it was not a question. Rosalie knew she couldn't play coy and simply nodded.
Something must have clicked inside Bella's mind because the next word she said was simply; "Edward," Rosalie inclined her head.
"Is that what this is? I'm some fucking charity case?" the brunette exploded and jumped to her feet.
"Of course not!" Rosalie stammered, taken a back with the anger.
"Really? Because if I can remember correctly, you only talked to me on that day I actually decided to end my life. It wasn't until I wanted to die that you decided to notice me?" Bella laughed mirthlessly. "Am I a part of some vampire rehabilitation program?"
"I've always been aware of you Bella, from the start!" Rosalie denied. "You're not a-"
"Very convenient to say that now when I've called you out," Bella cut her off harshly.
"Bella-"
"Why didn't you talk to me before then? If you've always been 'aware of me'?" she said mockingly. Rosalie opened her mouth, but no words escaped her. How could she explain herself? That they were in fact destined mates and that she originally didn't want to drag Bella into her supernatural world, so instead she ignored her existence? It sounded
both flat and extremely hypocritical, given her earlier argument. She had no idea how to approach this.
"I see," Bella nodded to herself. "Get out,"
"What?" Rosalie froze. A desperation clawed at her chest, she needed to fix this.
"Please get out. I don't want to talk to you right now," Bella bit out.
"Bella please-"
"Now!" her mate pointed at the direction of the front door.
"Let me explain before -"
"I swear to god Rose, Vampire or not – I will throw you out," Bella's tone was cold and biting. Rosalie stared at her pleadingly for a moment, but the brunette would not budge.
"We'll speak later," Rosalie murmured and quietly let herself out. It wasn't until she was back in her car that a sob escaped her. Her eyes filled with tears, although they would never shed. She had ruined things just because she had been hurt.
Rosalie should have known better than just one conversation to convince Bella she deserved to be happy. Rosalie was too impulsive and quick to anger and should have come better prepared. She should have taken into account that there was a chance that Bella would not be herself. The signs were there as soon as she stepped inside that living room.
Why couldn't she have just waited?
Rosalie fished out her phone and selected the speed dial. It only rang for two seconds before someone picked up.
"I fucked up," she whispered forlornly. "I need your help,"
.
.
.
To be continued...
Sorry, some serious angst going on in this chapter. I know this chapter isn't exactly fun but it's a necessary part of development in Rosalie's and Bella's relationship.
Also, don't blame either of them for this communication disaster. While Rosalie is not technically human, she still has the emotions of one. She is far from perfect and is a complicated person with flaws just like the rest of us. Keep in mind that she's known for her prickly behavior and has a pretty strong defence mechanism to keep herself for getting hurt. The mating bond is also fairly new and Rosalie's desperate to help her mate, so her behavior isn't strictly rational.
As for Bella, the poor girl is having a rough time. For those who don't know; drunk, suicidal and confused individuals lash out when they feel cornered in. I can vouch for that. Remember that she's used to being alone with no one to depend on so she has no idea what to do with Rosalie's offer. Self-destruction is more within her comfort zone than promises of happiness.
I promise this story won't always be this heavy, but I'm trying to keep the character development as realistic as I can.
P.S. I always cherish comments - just putting it out there.