Chapter 11. Time After Time
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Bella's POV
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Bella had an extra spring in her step as she walked across the parking lot. For once she arrived before the Cullen's, which could only be chalked up to her eagerness to see a certain someone, although she would never admit that to anyone. The past two weeks had been blissfully peaceful, a rare occurrence in Bella's life. She and Rosalie had only technically gone on two official dates but they hung out all the time, whenever Emmett didn't whisk her away in between. Even then Rosalie lingered in the background, opting to sit and read while Bella and Emmett played video games. Bella was slowly getting used to Rosalie's presence and felt more relaxed around her than before. Of course, she was still a bit nervous around the beautiful girl, but it was getting more manageable with every moment they spent together, more excitement and less of chaotic energy. Bella's bafflement on why Rosalie chose her of all people never truly went away, but she did her best to not dwell on it. It was hard to not feel incredibly self-conscious around the goddess.
While her days were busy with hanging out at the Cullen residence, the nights were still tough. Every evening she felt upcoming dread at the thought of going home, hating the idea of spending the night alone in her house. Jasper always gave her a worried look in those moments, but thankfully never asked. Bella was too shy, or too proud perhaps, to ask Rosalie to spend the night with her. She didn't want to come off as clingy or like she wasn't capable of being on her own. Every evening she left with a smile and every night she cursed herself for not asking for company. Her house was too quiet, too dark for her liking. Sometimes she would turn on the TV as a background noise, but it rarely helped. Like clockwork, every time she lay her head on the pillow, the dark thoughts took over. Doubt and self-loathing were old friends, more than happy to talk to her when she was alone with no one to distract her. Sometimes she had to drink to be able to fall asleep, although she did her best to avoid that method; afraid she might do something stupid under the influence, again. Bella was terrified of going to bed.
"Bella!" Bella musings came to a halt and looked up, spotting Angela jogging over. Bella smiled at her pleasantly, ignoring the mixture of feelings that the sight of her friend invoked. Angela was one of Bella's favourite people in the world and she had been there for her through one of worst times in her life, her loyalty never wavering. No one had supported her like Angela had, and while the others in their group of friends were also high on her list, excluding Lauren, Bella knew it was only because of Angela's influence. She owed the girl her life and cared about her a great deal. Bella felt guilty for avoiding her friend, unable to look into her eyes and lie directly in the face. She knew it was fruitless to simply ignore Angela's inquiries, since the other girl knew her well enough to know something was up. Angela had been watching her for weeks now, probably biding her time to get Bella alone. Her friend was worried, that much was obvious, and Bella knew it was well earned.
"Angie," Bella greeted, carefully masking her uneasiness.
"I feel like it's been forever," oddly enough Angela managed to voice this without making it sound like an accusation, although it clearly was.
"Yeah, sorry about that," Bella shifted awkwardly. A familiar car caught her attention and she was distracted momentarily, watching Rosalie park the car.
"I was starting to feel like you were avoiding me," Angela commented lightly, snapping Bella back to reality.
"I was," Bella knew better than to deflect so she simply nodded and settled on the half-truth. "I figured you needed time after that Lauren incident," Angela's knowing eyes held the tiniest bit of frustration in them. "I scared you guys,"
"Of course you scared us," the pastor's daughter rolled her eyes. "We're not scared of you, but for you, you stubborn idiot!" Bella blinked in surprise. "Lauren had it coming, she had no business saying those awful things, so your reaction wasn't exactly surprising. We've been worried about how you might be feeling,"
"Oh," Bella offered uselessly.
"Your selflessness can be just as charming as it can be frustrating," Angela groaned. "How is it so hard to get it through your thick scull that people actually care about you?" Bella opened her mouth, but no words escaped her.
"Bella," Angela's eyes softened marginally. "How many crack houses do I need to drag you out of to convince you of that?"
"It wasn't a crack house," Bella protested weakly, highly aware that super hearing vampires had entered the area and were doubtlessly listening in on the conversation.
"Honey please," Angela's voice was dry as sandpaper. "The house was filthy, there was broken furniture, ridiculous much amount of empty alcohol bottles, dubious substances and pills on the table and I swear I spotted a needle on the floor. Not to mention all the unconscious bodies scattered about and then that naked girl in your-"
"Got it, yes," Bella quickly interrupted. "It was a bad place,"
"Understatement of the century," Angela muttered under her breath. "Just… you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to but please just answer me this?" Bella waited with bated breath. "Is it like last time?"
"No," Bella answered honestly. Her current situation was nothing like before, although not better but Angela didn't know the details. Time travel business was only okay to discuss with other supernaturals. The last thing she needed was for her friends to check her into a Psychiatric hospital. "There's no need to bust me out of any…crack houses,"
"Good," Angela's posture relaxed a fraction. "You'll also tell me if there's anything I can do to help?" Bella hadn't realised how much this must be weighting on her friend, so she swallowed her guilt and nodded.
"I promise," she vowed, letting out the fact that it was highly unlikely Angela could be of any assistance. "I'll be okay," she knew better than to tell her she was okay at the moment. Angela searched her eyes for a moment, before finally nodding reluctantly. This was harder than Bella had expected.
"Good," Bella let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, only to tense up again at Angela's sly smirk. "So are you going to tell me the deal with Rosalie Hale?"
"I'm sorry Jessica, I almost mistook you for Angela," Bella deadpanned.
"I know," Angela chuckled and waved her hand dismissively. "I'm really not looking for gossip, I'm just asking as a friend," her expression sobered. "I'm neither blind nor stupid so I'm not going to pretend that I don't see that there is something going on between you two. I'm just wondering if she's good to you?" Bella softened at the question. Angela, always her protector.
"She's wonderful," the time traveler assured her, accompanied with a smile that probably looked silly, judging by the way Angela rolled her eyes playfully.
"And here I thought Jessica and Mike were nauseatingly sappy ones,"
"Did Mike finally pull his head out of his ass?" Bella inquired curiously.
"Yes, thank the lord," Angela huffed out, the look in her eyes could only be described as pure exasperation.
"About time," Bella agreed happily before pausing. "Wait, does that mean they are even more annoying now?"
"Yes, it means exactly that," Angela heaved a sigh. "I thought oblivious Mike was irritating but he has nothing on lovestruck Mike,"
"Great," Bella winced. "Maybe I'll just take a few more days away from you guys,"
"Not sure that's an option," a small grin tugged Angela's lips. "Jessica is half a day from hunting you down and forcing you to speak with her,"
"Yeah okay, let's avoid that," Bella frowned. "Maybe you can tell her I'm fine?" she suggested hopefully.
"Tell her yourself," Angela crossed her arms, all previous mirth forgotten. "Although I don't approve you lying to her,"
"I'm not lying Ange," Bella insisted. "I'm fine,"
"You're not fucking fine Bella, who are you trying to fool?" Angela snapped. Bella's eyes widened in shock, wholly unprepared at seeing the normally quiet girl so angry. Bella guessed she hadn't been as convincing as she originally thought.
"God damn! How on earth did you manage to make the Christian girl swear?" both girls turned to see Mike and Jessica walk up. "Did you just break Angela?" Mike wondered.
"What did you do Bella?" Jessica demanded with hands on her hips. "Where have you been? Why are you avoiding us? Are you dating Rosalie? Are you okay? Are you back to your old habits? How are you feeling?" the onslaught of questions gave Bella a whiplash.
"Whoa okay calm down," the time traveler put her hands up in defeat. Jessica just stared at her with the same unimpressed look.
"Well?"
"Err…okay let's take one question at a time," Bella cleared her throat. "1. I've been around, mostly at the Cullen's house or at my own. 2. Like I told Angela, I was worried you guys might be frightened of me after the Lauren fiasco. 3. I'm okay, I've been better, but I've also been worse. 4. No I'm not back to my old lifestyle. 4. At the moment I'm all right,"
"That's good," Mike spoke up, before quickly glancing at his girlfriend. "Right? That's good?" he asked Jessica, who rolled her eyes and nodded.
"I hope Angela told you we aren't afraid of you?" the girl asked sternly.
"She mentioned as much yes," Bella smiled faintly. "I appreciate your concern but there's no need to worry. I will be fine,"
"I'll believe it when I see it," Jessica sassed. Then her eyes narrowed slightly. "Don't think you fooled me thought, I noticed you didn't answer one question,"
"Oh no, did you guys hear that?" Bella asked innocently. "Someone just called my name,"
"No they didn't," Mike frowned in confusion.
"I clearly heard someone say Bella," the brunette insisted. "I guess that means I got to go,"
"Bella!" Jessica did not buy her flimsy excuse.
"Nice talk you guys! Let's do this sometime again soon," Bella gave them a salute before walking away.
"Bella! We're not done! Get back here!" Jessica called after her, but the time traveler only walked faster towards the Cullen's. She stopped in front of Rosalie, who wore an amused smirk.
"Smooth darling," the vampire greeted her.
"She's like a vulture," Bella grumbled, hesitating for a beat before she leaned over and pressed a small kiss on Rosalie's cheek.
"She cares," Jasper informed her quietly.
"I know," Bella smiled reluctantly. "She's a good friend, truly. Just doesn't have boundaries sometimes,"
"I know a few people without those," Rosalie commented idly.
"Who?" Alice asked eagerly, oblivious to the way Rosalie and Bella exchanged a knowing look.
"Do I really need to bother with the names?" the blonde drawled, rolling her eyes when Alice blinked in confusion.
"Let's see if she can figure it out," Bella suggested with a private smile. "So Jaz, ready for our presentation?" the ex-soldier nodded. "Awesome,"
"I heard your friend Mike is doing a presentation on the Civil War," Jasper's eyes twinkled.
"Poor guy," Bella shook her head sadly. "You're going to be correcting him in your mind the entire time, aren't you?"
"Naturally," Jasper smirked. "Edward told me yesterday a few things what he heard from Mike's thoughts on the presentation itself…" he trailed off deliberately.
"He's going to fuck it up," Bella summed up. "Either it's going to be funny or a travesty,"
"A combination of the two," Jasper nodded gravely.
"What's your presentation about?" Rosalie asked interested.
"Oskar Schindler," Bella answered promptly.
"Sounds familiar," Alice mused out loud.
"He was a businessman during World War 2. He owned an ammunition factory in Krakow,"
"That's…fascinating," the pixie's tone indicated she found it anything but fascinating.
"He also saved more than 1000 Jewish people," Jasper added.
"Okay that's better," Alice nodded.
"Isn't the movie Schindler's list based on his story?" Rosalie questioned.
"Yes,"
"I love Liam Neeson!" Alice declared happily. "He was even better in Taken," she turned to Jasper.
"Good morning," Bella tuned out Jasper's and Alice's discussion about Liam Neeson movies and opted to speak to Rosalie instead.
"Morning," the blonde smiled before quirking an eyebrow. "Crack houses?"
"I was hoping you'd miss that," Bella groaned. "Let's just put that on the list of 'bad-decisions-Bella-made-back-in-the-day', put the list in a box, lock the box, bury the key and throw the box into the ocean,"
"Sounds like a healthy coping mechanism," Rosalie smirked.
"Hey," Bella pushed her playfully, although the vampire did not budge an inch. "Dr. Phil would never lie,"
"Somehow, I find it highly doubtful Dr. Phil taught you that," Rosalie laughed.
"The sound might have been off when I watched that particular show," Bella adopted a faux thoughtful tone. "I was practicing my lip-reading skills so it's possible I misinterpreted,"
"You're an idiot," the blonde said affectionately.
"Haven't we already discussed this pet name issue of yours?" Bella pouted.
"I have selective hearing," Rosalie waved her hands dismissively.
"That explains so much!" Bella gasped dramatically, laughing when Rosalie flipped her off. "Such anger in you," the brunette tutted. "Maybe you should watch Dr. Phil instead,"
"Do you want me to flip you off again instead of kissing you?"
"Both at the same time, thank you very much," Bella wiggled her eyebrows playfully. The blonde laughed lightly with an eye-roll and took a step closer. Bella leaned in and happily accepted the soft kiss, that unfortunately only lasted a second uninterrupted.
"So about before, who has no boundaries?" Alice poked Rosalie's shoulder, ignoring the glare that followed the action. Bella was about to laugh before she realised Alice was actually serious. She shared a disbelieving look with Rosalie, who seemed to be on the verge of either punching her sister or stare at her blankly. "Is it Edward?" the pixie wondered obliviously.
"That was already given," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I had someone else in mind,"
"Jasper?" Alice frowned momentarily. "He can't help his gift you know?"
"Definitely not Jasper," Bella jumped in with.
"Oh," Alice looked thoughtful. "Emmett!" she declared victoriously after a moment.
"He's one of them yes," Rosalie replied flippantly.
"One of them?" the pixie murmured to herself. "There is another?"
"Yes Alice," Bella couldn't fake the exasperation in her voice.
"I'll figure this out," Alice promised.
"Please do," Rosalie pleaded.
"Preferably today," Bella added jokingly. "Don't tell her, this needs to be a learning process," she told Jasper, who smirked in amusement.
"Wait, you know?" Alice turned to her husband with a betrayed look.
"May I walk you to your class?" Bella looked at Rosalie, who seemed equally as amused as her.
"You may," the vampire's eyes twinkled with joy. Bella fought the silly grin to form on her lips but was entirely unsuccessful. "Come on charmer," Rosalie latched onto her arm and led her towards the building. Bella had to bite down on her tongue to not burst into laughter when Jasper shot her a dismayed look as they walked away, Alice still demanding answers from him.
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Bella was almost halfway through with her math homework when the doorbell rang. The brunette tried to remember if she had invited anyone over but came up short. Usually Emmett or Rosalie at least called, excluding her first meeting with Emmett. Bella pushed the book away and walked to the door. She was surprised to discover Billy Black on her front porch.
"Billy," she greeted with a smile, feeling oddly charitable towards him today. Truthfully, she wanted to avoid an argument with him if she could.
"Bella," the old man smiled back. "I hope I'm not interrupting you?"
"Only something exciting as homework," Bella joked. "I'm more than happy to take a break. Do you want to come in?" she offered hesitantly. It was more out of politeness than any real desire to have a lengthy conversation with him. Thankfully Billy just shook his head.
"No I'm afraid I can't stay for long. I just wanted to give you this," he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small package. Bella accepted it with a puzzled expression. "An old associate of mine, Joel, works in construction in Seattle. He found this in one of the lots they were tearing down," Billy elaborated. "He recognised the name and linked it to me. I figured it should go back to its rightful owner," Bella looked at the package in intrigue and tore it open, revealing a familiar watch. Bella's heart lurched and she hastily blinked away the tears that formed.
"I thought it was lost forever," she whispered, staring down in disbelief. It was her father's old watch, the last thing her mother had gifted him before they got divorced. Charlie had never taken it off, even years after their separation. The watch had stayed on to his breath. Bella remembered bursting into tears when one of the Police officers had handed it to her when the investigation of the case was finally over. Like the sentimental creature she was, Bella had sworn to never take it off herself. And like the failure she was, that promise was broken when she lost it one night at partying. It had been the only thing she had from her father that she truly valued, and Billy had just given her that piece again.
"You have no idea how much this means to me Billy," Bella gave him a shaky smile. "Thank you,"
"You're most welcome Bella," Billy smiled back for a moment, then his expression changed into something disapproving. "Although Joel told me about the place he retrieved it from. It was not reassuring to hear Charlie's daughter visits such places," Bella fought the initial urge to snark back, reminding herself that she was grateful for getting the watch back.
"She doesn't anymore," she said instead with a tight smile. "Don't worry,"
"Joel also told me he has heard about some things about you. That's why he reached out to me instead of you. The thought the watch would be safer with me,"
"Joel needs to learn to mind his own business," Bella offered an overly sweet smile. She absently wondered, a bit bitterly, if Joel had any relations to Lauren.
"I see," Billy said slowly, studying her reaction intently.
"Billy," Bella deflated and decided to take the higher road. "I appreciate your concern but there is no need to be worried. I was in a bad place and made some stupid decisions, one of them hanging out with the wrong crowd. I am fine now and am incredibly grateful to you and…" she paused. "Joel, for giving me back my father's watch," Billy gave her another long look.
"From what I hear, you still hang out with the wrong crowd," the old man's eyes darkened. "Worse crowd if anything,"
"What?" Bella frowned in confusion. Was this Joel guy spreading lies too?
"Those Cullen's," Billy's lips curled in distaste, as if he was smelling something foul. The comment was so unexpected that Bella almost laughed.
"You have a problem with the Cullen's?" she asked slowly, wondering if she was mishearing something.
"They are the wrong sort Bella," Billy's eyes turned almost pleading. "If you have any sense, you should stay away from them,"
"Was that a threat?" Bella stared at her father's old friend incredulously.
"I'm not threatening you, but they are a threat to you," Billy warned. "You don't know what they are capable of," he glanced around, as if making sure no one could hear them. "If you knew what I knew, you would run away. They are monsters Bella,"
"You should watch your words Billy," A spark of anger, of which she rarely ever felt nowadays, hit her full force and she bristled. "I don't approve people talking shit about my friends,"
"Friends?" Billy scoffed, unperturbed by her anger. In fact, he seemed disappointed more than anything. "If Charlie could only see you now," and just like that, all wind was knocked from Bella. "Running around drug houses, consorting with criminals, drug users and monsters. Charlie was a great friend and it pains my heart to see his daughter ruining her life," Billy shook his head sadly. "He would be ashamed of your behavior Bella,"
"Leave," Bella ordered with steel in her voice. How dare he? He thought he could just show up, acting all judgmental and then throw this comment in her face?
"Bella," he sighed tiredly.
"Thank you for bringing me the watch but we are done with this conversation," the time traveler forced out in a clipped tone.
"I only want what's best for you," Billy tried a different approach, mustering his grandfatherly expression. "Someone needs to look out for you since your father isn't here,"
"No Billy," Bella's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare try to pull that shit," she laughed sardonically. "Your halfhearted attempts, once-every-few-months-phone-calls, does not make you a father figure or someone who has any say in my life. I have no idea what issues you have with the Cullen family and frankly I don't care, so don't try to force your prejudice views on me. They are my friends and I refuse to listen your wild accusation or let you badmouth them in front of me. Then you have the audacity to throw it in my face that my father would be ashamed of me?" Bella forced her to breathe calmly. "Out of the two of us, right now I'm not the one he would be ashamed of," she threw him a last glare. "Goodbye Billy,"
"Bella – " she closed the door in his face and stormed into the living room. The roar of Billy's truck sounded a few minutes later, and only when the sound faded, did she allow herself to let go. Bella picked up a statue off the book shelve and threw it against the living room with an angry shout. She watched it bounce off the wall and crash into the TV, flinching when the screen cracked.
"Fuck," she cursed her stupidity. That did nothing to ease her anger, if anything it increased it. "No breaking things Bella," she muttered to herself and sat down on the couch.
"Fucking Billy," she glanced down at the watch in her hand, one finger gently tracing her father's engraved name on the back. "I'm so sorry dad," she whispered brokenly.
Truthfully most of her anger wasn't directed at Billy, but at herself. In fact she agreed with Billy, not about the Cullen's of course, but the fact that Charlie would be ashamed of her. She was a fucking mess. Old self-doubt crept up on her, self-loathing following suit. Her father's disappointed face flashed before her eyes; from the last time she saw him alive. If only she had been less angry back then, not so quick to argue and showed a little more affection, then maybe Charlie Swan hadn't gone with a distracted mind to that robbery. Maybe he would still be alive now. Bella squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears gathering. Her poor father had done everything imaginable to help her and she just kept slamming doors in his faces and ignoring his worried questions. Logically she knew she was only a teenager back then, filled with sorrow and anger she didn't know how to deal with, but she had always been talented at blaming herself for everything. Bella sighed tiredly. She just wished she hadn't wasted so much time with him.
"I miss you," she looked at the watch. "I know I've already made this promise once, but I mean it this time. I'll never take it off," she vowed out loud, carefully fastening the straps to her left arm.
"I'm also sorry for being such a fuck up. I'm sorry for being the reason you weren't able to focus that day," tears ran freely down her cheeks. "I should have tried harder with you than I did with mom. I…" her voice broke. "I didn't mean to kill you too," a sob tore from her throat, which she quickly tried to swallow back. Her parents were gone and she had to accept that. The brunette repeated an old mantra of hers, in a desperate attempt to soothe herself. "It's not your fault, you were a child," she did this a few times but the guilty feeling lingered, added with gut-wrenching sorrow. This had been building up for a few days now but she always managed to push the feelings away. Normally she tried her best not to think too much about her parents but after spending so much time at the Cullen's house, where the loving Esme always greeted her warmly, eager to cook and fuss over her. Then in some evenings there was the calm Dr. Cullen, who insisted on being called Carlisle and always asked her if she was taking care of herself in that fatherly tone. They were perfectly loving and warm and Bella was so unused to this open care from potential parental figures (even if the whole adoption thing was a ruse), or having forgotten the feeling, that it poked at old wounds. This had nothing to do with the Cullen's, and everything to do with her and her unresolved trauma. Her mantra didn't work so well this time.
"Fuck!" Bella shouted and stumbled to her feet, wondering where she put that half-empty Jack Daniel's bottle. She had almost crossed the room when a familiar pain hit her body.
"Seriously?" she screamed at no one in particular. "This is not the time! No pun intended. I'm kind of in the middle of something here!" another blow and the world went dark.
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When Bella regained consciousness there were four things, she immediately took notice of, as they assaulted her every sense. First, the air was incredibly thick, and it was hard to breathe. Second, it was immensely hot and she felt like she was being squeezed from all sides. Third, the smell was a horrible mixture of sweat, dirt and something suspiciously like human waste. Four, the noises around here were startlingly overwhelming, shouts, cries and an overflow of voices all talking over one another. She blinked rapidly, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness. After a few moments she began to scan her environment and panic began to rise in her chest. She was inside some sort of a room, although it felt like it was moving, and it was packed with people; almost every space filled out. It was hard to move, since she was in the middle of the throng, and she felt incredibly claustrophobic. She hated people violating her personal space in general, barely even tolerated with people she knew, much less a pack of strangers. Bella tried to find her center and force the incoming panic away. She needed to find out more about her whereabouts before having a complete meltdown, ignoring the fact that she had been having one in the exact moment she traveled.
"Focus," she berated herself and breathed out slowly. It took a moment for her to sort through the sound and voices, in the hopes of locating where and when she was this time. To her dismay, there was no language she could latch on that gave her a hint. She was no expert, the furthest from it actually, so she quickly gave up on that theory when she realised that it was practically hopeless to even try. Amidst the crying and yelling, she could detect at least five different languages being spoken all at once.
"Fuck," she closed her eyes and wished she had managed to take at least one sip of that whiskey.
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To be continued...
Is everyone okay? I know we went from pure mushiness to tears of guilt and sorrow, but you all knew what you were getting yourselves into. If there's anything you should have learned at this point in the story, then it's that I try to keep Bella's characterisation appropriate to her life experience (while adding more shit to poor Bella's pile of issues). So next time we have time travel!
What did you guys think?