Greetings! So sorry for taking this long to update. Life has been a bit of a busy but I promise I'll continue to write whenever I can. I have a lot in store for you guys!
Thank you for all the likes wonderful comments, it honestly served as a reminder to keep going and find some time to write.
Chapter 15. Let it Be
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Bella's POV
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Soul mate. Now that was a term Bella had never given much thought to. Mostly because it seemed only to belong in corny romantic novels or children's stories. The cynical (and dominant) part of her had initially scoffed at the idea when Jasper first explained the concept. But the more she thought about it, the more sense it made; oddly enough. Her intense and confusing feelings towards Rosalie and their instant connection had even worried Bella at one point. It simply wasn't healthy to grow so attached to someone in such a short amount of time. The fact Rosalie was the only vampire that shared Bella's body temperature only solidified the whole mating argument, but it was still a hard bite to swallow. Was this the universe's way to apologise for throwing her life into the deep end? Had she been tested by some Cosmic Force and deemed worthy, so they sent Rosalie her way? Not that the beautiful blonde was a consolation price of any sort, it was just hard to make sense of things. Yet again her life had been turned upside down but this time not in a bad way. That alone was the queerest thing of all. Bella was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. There had to be a catch to all of this.
While Bella knew Rosalie would vehemently protest the idea, the time traveler couldn't help but to feel like Rosalie had drawn the short straw in the pick for romantic partners. She of course did not view Rosalie as some Saint or put her on some fake pedestal. The blonde was just as flawed and imperfect like the rest of them. However Bella had been playing the self-loathing game for too long to not think herself unworthy of Rosalie's love. She and Jasper had made some process regarding her emotional trauma but the process was slow and they had only scratched the surface. It was extremely hard to let Jasper in, despite knowing he meant no harm and was only trying to help. Bella was too accustomed to people digging for information to potentially hurt her with, so the idea of someone genuinely trying to help her was alien. Her previous therapist had at least been getting paid but Jasper asked for nothing in return. It wasn't unwelcome, just didn't add up with her past experience.
As soon as Rosalie revealed the truth about their connection, Bella had to reevaluate her entire existence. Up to this point she had done a half-assed attempts of staying alive and more than often, even tried to end it. Her primal brain was always in control when she was traveling, instinctively trying to keep her alive. For the first time since she started traveling, Bella realised that she had to consciously keep herself alive, if only for Rosalie's sake. She would readdress her motivation at one point, perhaps even try to live for herself but for now it was enough to do this for Rosalie. Oddly enough it helped and she did not feel trapped for it. While Jasper had been cautious with explaining how it would affect the mating bond if one were to die, Bella was smart enough to read between the lines. It would ruin Rosalie. Bella could not allow that to happen, so for now that was her focus. She would live for Rosalie.
The reasoning worried her a little bit, since Bella also knew it was incredibly unhealthy for one's happiness to be dependent on a romantic partner, but she had to start somewhere. Intellectually she knew happiness had to come from within but she hoped she would find that for herself eventually. For now she needed a focus point, an anchor, something to navigate these strange times. Rosalie was the only logical answer she could come up with.
"You look pensive," Jasper's voice brought her out of her musings.
"I apologise," Bella exclaimed sheepishly. "I'll try my best to concentrate,"
She and Jasper were seated on a blanket in Esme's garden, their usual spot for one of their lessons. Usually they just talked but Jasper was adamant that meditation would serve her well, which happened to be what Bella was attempting to do in that moment. However her mind tended to stray and it was hard to concentrate.
"Don't be," Jasper smiled gently. "May I inquire what you were thinking about?"
"Rosalie," Bella hesitated to answer. "The whole mating business,"
"Ah," Jasper nodded to himself. "That's understandable,"
"I guess," the brunette shifted uneasily, feeling vulnerable under his gaze.
"I imagine this must be difficult for you," the ex-soldier carried on.
"You can say that again," Bella muttered under her breath.
"I imagine this must be difficult for you," Jasper repeated cheekily, laughing when Bella shot him a mock glare. His joking manner honestly helped .
"It's just surreal…" Bella began after a long moment. Jasper's eyes were kind and patient as always, silently urging her to finish her thought process. Bella ignored her urge to stop there and plowed onwards. "I know I can be cynical but I had honestly given up on romance at one point. Not that it didn't exist, just that it was out of the question for someone like me," she shifted her eyes to her lap, finding it easier to communicate to the ground. "Lust, sure? Love?" she trailed off, trying to focus her thoughts. "I've read countless books on human nature and psychology and I know my views on love are rather warped. They are awfully conditional at the very least,"
"Go on," Jasper murmured when it looked like Bella wasn't about to continue. Yet again she swallowed the desire to close up. She needed this.
"My upbringing was…tumultuous, for the lack of better word," the brunette scrunched up her nose. "My parents fought occasionally when I was a child but we weren't unhappy. Well perhaps it's more accurate to say I wasn't unhappy," the last part was whispered. "Then one day everything blew up and Renée leaves and takes me with her. Today I know better and their relationship was quite complicated but my adolescence brain could only come up with the explanation that my parents didn't love one another and perhaps never had. I thought for a long time my dad didn't love me either, especially since…" Bella's mouth snapped closed.
"Since?" Jasper prodded gently.
"Since he didn't even fight for me to stay," Bella choked out. "He just watched my mom take me away in the middle of the night and he didn't say a goddamn word about it,"
"That must have been hard," the vampire exclaimed when Bella grew silent once more. She knew he was trying to keep her talking, to let it out.
"Renée dated constantly," she began again. "New guy every week. I'm not sure if she was really looking for love though, mostly distraction. She used to hold these long monologues about how useless my father was and how he tricked her into staying in Forks," she scoffed. "I got a very different story from Charlie later on,"
"That must have painted a pretty vivid picture of love for young Bella," Jasper offered hesitantly.
"Yes," Bella nodded. "Most definitely. Then when Renée killed herself I thought…" she fell silent, biting down on her tongue. Sensing her inner struggle, Jasper redirected the conversation.
"Did you ever date?"
"Not really I guess," Bella shrugged. "I mean I fooled around and had one-night stands and such but no one really captured my interest. Well maybe one girl but that was over before it truly began," her eyes darkened briefly at the memory.
"What happened?" the vampire inquired softly, as if afraid to disturb the air.
"Something that I should have foreseen," Bella scoffed. "We met at a party through a mutual friend. Her name was Rebecca and she seemed pretty cool. We had some things in common, although using drugs was probably our main connection as sad as that sounds. We started hanging out and I was growing to really like her," a bittersweet smile touched Bella's lips. "We weren't officially dating but we had been hanging out for a few weeks. Then one day I woke up and she was gone," the brunette met Jasper's eyes. "Along with most of my things and money," Bella registered a faint breaking sound coming from the house.
"Damn," the ex-soldier whistled lowly under his breath. "That must have hurt,"
"It wasn't pleasant," Bella shrugged, trying to downplay the whole thing. Truth be told, Bella had really liked Rebecca and even considered entering a relationship with her, so the whole thing had felt like a punch to the gut. Jasper's lips moved but no sound emerged, hinting at he was speaking a volume only vampire's could hear.
"Was there no one after that?" Jasper finally asked.
"Not emotionally," Bella replied faintly. "Not until Rosalie,"
"And you're afraid it's not real? Or it won't last?" Jasper theorised.
"No," Bella shook her head. "I mean, yes but also no," this was even confusing to herself so she didn't blame Jasper's puzzlement. "I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing. I feel like I'm reevaluating the whole concept of love," she allowed herself to be vulnerable, truthful. "I know what I feel for Rose is real. I also know that for some strange reason, her feelings are real too. I guess it's just a lot to take in that we are literally meant to be, that the universe paired us up,"
"Does that bother you?" Jasper wondered, sounding genuinely curious.
"Yes and no?" Bella wondered if this conversation was giving the vampire a headache too. "In a way it's oddly reassuring. It's permanent and in a way stabilises my life, to know that no matter what – Rose will not leave," she blushed at the admission. "But it's also very hard to believe, that I won't wake up one day and realise it was all a dream," Jasper was silent for a long minute.
"Earlier you said that love was out of question for someone like you," he began slowly. "What do you mean by someone like you?"
"I don't know," Bella shrugged. "Someone so broken? Fucked up? Take your pick,"
"You might have gone through terrible ordeals, but you're not fucked up or broken," Jasper said firmly, yet kindly. "Why are you so insistent that everyone deserve happiness except you?" Bella had no logical answer for that, so she remained silent. Jasper studied her for a moment, as if contemplating if he should push for more or not. Ultimately he chose not to, for which she was grateful. "Maybe you're over complicating things,"
"What do you mean?" Bella frowned.
"Maybe you don't need to figure out the answer right now. There is not much logic to love anyway, so don't start trying to understand it. It's scary of course, I can vouch for that," his lips curled upwards in a faint smile. "But usually there is no reason or rhyme to it. For now, maybe you should stop trying to analyse it and simply let it be. Let yourself feel,"
"Let it be?" Bella wondered.
"Remember, standing in front of intense emotions might feel unsafe, but it's not," Jasper echoed from his explanation of Survivors Guilt. "The same thing applies to positive emotions. In this context, love or happiness is not going to hurt you. It's just out of your comfort zone," Bella swallowed thickly, offering a small nod. She could see his point. "I think we're done meditating for today,"
"Yeah," Bella murmured distractingly.
"I'm going to see what Alice is up to," Jasper stood up and gazed down at her. "Thank you for sharing," he smiled sincerely. "I'll give you a moment to yourself and make sure no one bothers you,"
"Thank you," Bella managed a small smile in return. The ex-soldier nodded before walking back to the house at a leisure pace. Bella absently watched him, still mulling over Jasper's words. Perhaps it was enough to just accept it for now.
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Bella hummed softly to herself as she made her way back to the Cullen house, feeling somewhat lighter after her conversation with Jasper. She headed straight to the living room as soon as she stepped inside. Alice and Jasper occupied the big sofa, leaving Rosalie on the loveseat by herself. They all grew silent as soon as Bella approached.
"Hey babe," Rosalie greeted with a soft smile. Bella studiously ignored the flutter in her stomach, finding it kind of ridiculous how her body responded to the blonde goddess.
"Rose," Bella gravitated towards her mate with a smile of her own. Mate, now that was still a mind-boggling discovery. How someone like her could be destined for someone like Rosalie, was simply far-fetched. She forcefully shoved those thoughts away, remembering Jasper's words of wisdom; let it be. At this point she should change her ringtone to the classic Beatles song, if only to serve as a reminder. Still, she was trying. Maybe it could become her new mantra?
"Well this is a surprising development," Alice drawled with a playful smirk. "It's almost like an honest conversation would have prevented heartache these past several days," the pixie was obviously referring to the last night's drama. When Bella arrived to the Cullen household earlier, she immediately went to Jasper for a session so Alice must have been holding her tongue all day.
"Shut up Alice," Bella said before Rosalie could. The blonde gave her girlfriend an approving smile.
"I'm just saying - "
"Shut up Alice," Bella interrupted.
"You're going to be one of those mean couples, aren't you?" Alice pouted.
"Of course not," Bella smiled innocently. "There's a balance. I'm the kind and loving one," she gestured towards herself. "She's the mean one," Rosalie shot her a faux glare.
"Are you claiming I am not kind nor loving?" the blonde narrowed her eyes playfully.
"Of course not, dear," Bella maintained the innocent expression. "You're practically Mother Theresa reincarnated,"
"Laying it on a bit thick but I take what I can get," Rosalie rolled her eyes.
"I could be truthful but I would rather not ruin your Ice Queen reputation," Bella smirked knowingly, delighted when Rosalie averted her eyes awkwardly. Not that she even needed to say it out loud, Bella knew it was a poorly hidden secret at the Cullen residence just how much of a sweetheart Rosalie truly was. For some reason Rosalie stubbornly tried to deny the truth, so Bella indulged her from time to time.
"Whatever," Rosalie muttered in an uncharacteristic self-conscious way. Bella couldn't resist the adorableness of it and pressed a soft kiss to the vampire's cheek.
"Look at you guys! So cute together," Alice sighed dreamily, leaning into Jasper. Bella met Jasper's eyes and they shared an exasperated look.
"Alice…" Rosalie began warningly and miraculously the small pixie looked sheepish. Bella wondered if Alice finally realised her lack of boundaries or if that was simply wishful thinking. The satisfied gleam in Rosalie's eyes suggested it was the former. Bella hid a smile and inwardly debated if she should ask if Alice had figured it out on her own or if she had seen Bella and Rosalie talk about it. In the end she decided it didn't really matter either way. Hopefully Alice would now interrupt them less.
"The Denali are coming to visit," Alice offered after a beat. A victorious shout from Emmett came from upstairs. In a flash he was in front of them with a giddy expression. It was a testimony how often Bella was in the company of vampires that she did not even flinch upon his sudden arrival.
"When?" the big man demanded.
"Next week," Alice informed him with a smile of her own. "Apparently Kate is bored and insisted on visiting,"
"Awesome," Emmett fist bumped the air before turning to Bella. "You're going to love Kate!"
"Not too much I hope," Rosalie muttered under her breath. Bella shot her girlfriend a quizzical look but the blonde was busy frowning at Alice.
"Who is Kate?" Bella wondered out loud.
"She's a part of the Denali coven," Alice answered easily. "The Denali's are tree sisters; Kate, Irina and Tanya,"
"Don't forget Eleazar and Carmen," Emmett added. "They are the only mated couple in the coven,"
"I see," Bella said diplomatically, eyeing her girlfriend warily. Rosalie had tensed up and refused to meet her eyes. The brunette wondered if there was some history there.
"They are also on animal diet so we refer to them as our cousins," Jasper spoke up. "You don't have to be worried,"
"Why would I be worried?" Bella frowned.
"I imagine you'd be uncomfortable around human drinkers," Jasper pointed out.
"Oh," Bella hadn't even considered that point. "I didn't even think about that," she confessed. Rosalie finally looked at her, only to give her a fond exasperated look, the one she always gave Bella when she thought the time traveler had little regard to her own safety.
"How on earth did you not think about that?" Jasper asked, equally skeptic and intrigued.
"I don't know," Bella scratched her neck absently. "I trust you guys to keep me safe," Rosalie's shoulders relaxed and Bella was rewarded with a peck on the cheek.
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"Listen, I don't want to alarm you but I feel like you deserve a fair warning," Jasper pulled Bella to the side as soon as Rosalie left to go hunt.
"Consider myself alarmed," Bella's eyebrow rose.
"Sorry," Jasper winced slightly. "It's nothing serious, I just wanted to give you a little bit of insight into mating bonds before we receive a visit from the Denali's,"
"Okay?"
"Vampires are very… territorial creatures," Jasper began hesitantly, obviously choosing his words carefully. "Especially when mating bonds are relatively new. Rosalie is showing a surprising amount of restraint when it comes to you," he paused. "Although her self-control has always been excellent, almost rivalling Carlisle's," this piece of information interested Bella. She had no idea Rosalie was holding back. Bella didn't know what she felt about that. "She probably doesn't want to scare you," Jasper added gently as soon as he sensed her inner turmoil.
"I don't want her to be afraid to express herself though," Bella murmured.
"Maybe that's something you should talk to her about," the solemn ex-soldier suggested diplomatically. "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because when newly mated Vampires are around unmated Vampires, their senses go haywire and their instinct is to protect what's theirs," Bella gave him a pointed look. "I mean protect their mate," he amended quickly.
"Okay,"
"So while Rosalie has great self-control, she might behave somewhat irrationally around the Denali's, since the three sisters are all without a mate,"
"She's not going to pee in a circle around me, is she?" Bella couldn't help but to quip.
"I'm telling her you said that," Jasper grinned.
"You wouldn't dare," a hint of fear tinted Bella's voice, which only made his smile widen.
"Try me," Jasper smirked.
"If you do that, then as soon as I can control my powers, I'm traveling to your past and I shaving your head just before you turn into a Vampire. Good luck getting Alice without those blonde locks," Bella adopted a smirk of her own. Alice had an odd fascination with Jasper's hair, so Bella took great pleasure when he hesitated.
"You wouldn't dare,"
"Try me," Bella mocked.
"Touché," Jasper laughed gently. "We're getting off topic here thought,"
"Right," the brunette nodded. "So Rosalie will get super territorial when the sisters come to visit. Anything else?"
"No, that's pretty much it. I just wanted to let you know since she'll probably start to behave oddly. This is simple biology, nothing she has fully control over,"
"Okay," Bella's face softened. "Thanks dude. I'll be patient,"
"I know you will be," a mischievous twinkle shone in topaz eyes. "After all you are dating Rosalie Hale. One needs to have Dalai Lama level of patience for such a task,"
"Hey! Be nice," Bella frowned. "I'm telling her you said that," Jasper looked genuinely worried now, which only amused Bella. For a secret softie, Rosalie sure could strike terror within her siblings. She rarely played that card but it was incredibly helpful to know that she could count on Rosalie's reputation when the rest of the Cullen's irritated her.
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Two days later, Bella found herself in the area she rarely if ever visited at the Cullen house. Rosalie's Domain. It was not that she wasn't welcome there but Bella was fully aware that the garage was the only place where no one bothered the blonde beauty. Everyone deserved a safe haven, so the brunette respected her privacy. Usually Bella would be playing video games with either Emmett or Jasper when the blonde worked, but Rosalie had been slightly withdrawn ever since Alice announced the Denali's were coming to visit. Bella was worried and while she had tried to give her girlfriend some space, she wanted to let Rosalie know that she could share whatever was bothering her.
"Rose," Bella glanced at Rosalie, who was staring down at her workbench with a small frown marring her beautiful features. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," Rosalie blinked and turned to face her. Bella just raised one eyebrow, until Rosalie finally relented and sighed. Even though it was physically impossible for the blonde, she almost sounded tired. "I just…" she trailed off. Bella walked over to her girlfriend and took her hand.
"You can tell me anything, you know?" thankfully it came out sincere and not accusing as Bella feared it might. "I won't judge you,"
"I know, I guess I'm just a bit embarrassed," Rosalie confessed in a timid voice. It pulled at Bella's heartstrings to see the blonde so unsure of herself.
"You know you also don't have to tell me anything?" Bella added seriously. That pulled a small smile from Rosalie, who nodded.
"I know that too," she gently squeezed her hand in a silent thank you. "But I feel like this is something I ought to share with you,"
"Okay, take your time,"
"Right," Rosalie nodded again, this time to herself. "When the Denali's come to visit, I might behave…oddly?" Bella's mind snapped to her earlier conversation with Jasper.
"Oh yeah, Jasper told me about that," she murmured unthinkingly.
"He did?" Rosalie sounded surprised but also a bit relieved. "What did he say?"
"Just that you might be a bit territorial, but you couldn't help it because your Vampire instinct will go haywire," Bella summed up for her. Rosalie nodded.
"That sums it up," the blonde sighed. "I just want to apologise in advance before I get all possessive and jealous," the vampire's expression was the very definition of sheepish. It charmed Bella more than she dared to admit.
"I know this isn't something you can control but I'll try to help you if I can," she settled on.
"Thank you," Rosalie's smile was pure relief. "Also I want to warn you that the Denali's can be a bit too much. At least Kate can be,"
"How so?" Bella frowned in worry.
"Nothing bad," the blonde assured her. "Just she and Emmett are too alike," she paused. "But she's way flirtier and likes to push everyone's buttons,"
"Duly noted," Bella eyed Rosalie's scowl. Clearly there was some history there. The time traveler wondered what Kate had done to upset Rosalie so in the past. "Maybe we can come up with a safe word?"
"A safe word?" Rosalie seemed puzzled.
"For whenever one of us needs rescuing," Bella shrugged with a small smirk. "It can be something obscure and only something we know,"
"That's not a bad idea," Rosalie pondered. Bella had been joking but the blonde seemed to be seriously entertaining the idea. "Like what?"
"Pineapple?" Bella couldn't help but to quip. Rosalie snorted in humour.
"Very well,"
"I was actually joking. That's a terrible safe word," Bella deadpanned.
"It is," Rosalie nodded solemnly. "We're using that one,"
"Seriously?" Bella stifled her laughter. Did Rosalie even know in which situation where people usually used that safe word? Sometimes Bella wasn't sure if Rosalie was sometimes oblivious to pop culture references or if she knew them but acted clueless for her own amusement.
"Yes," her mate nodded and before Bella could protest some more, Rosalie leaned down and softly kissed her. Bella's mind instantly went blank and she forgot what they had been discussing. It was rather ridiculous how one kiss could reduce the time traveler to a stuttering mess. When Rosalie finally pulled back, she observed Bella's blissful expression with a small smirk. "I have to finish installing a few things for Esme's car,"
"Sure," Bella murmured, still a bit dazed.
"That will have to wait," Edward appeared in the doorway. "Apparently you received a package Bella," Rosalie and Bella exchanged a wary look at Edward's serious tone.
"This can't be any good," Bella voiced out loud as Rosalie dragged her out the garage.
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"So, any idea what this means?" Emmett asked puzzled. Bella shook her head faintly, staring at the bloody box on the coffee table. The whole thing was incredibly morbid.
"Read it one more time Alice," Jasper requested, even though she had read it out loud at least five times already.
"You took what was mine, so I'll take what is yours. The game has begun, let's play," Alice recited dutifully.
"You have any enemies?" Jasper focused on Bella, who shook her head.
"No one who comes to mind," she wracked her brain for possible ideas but came up empty.
"Wait, let me see the note," Rosalie practically ripped the paper from Alice's hand. A thoughtful expression overtook the blonde's features.
"What are you thinking?" Bella wondered.
"It's the same handwriting as the other one," the blonde murmured to herself.
"The other one?" Bella echoed.
"Of course!" Alice nodded as if that made sense. Bella remained confused.
"Am I missing something?"
"The note that came with your father's watch," Rosalie elaborated.
"You think it's from the Nazi Vampires?" the time traveler frowned. Why on earth would they send her a note like this? She hadn't taken anything from them, except maybe a favour. But it wasn't like she forced them to do it? It made no sense for them to send her this. Not that they were the most stable individuals, visiting extermination camps wasn't exactly normal behavior. Who knows what was going on in their minds.
"The handwriting is the same," Rosalie repeated and flashed out of the room, returning a moment later with the first note. "Tic top, time is up. Now you must pay," she paused. "You took what was mine, so I'll take what is yours. The game has begun, let's play,"
"Not exactly Dr. Zeus is it?" Emmett quipped dryly. Bella snorted despite the seriousness of the matter.
"I'd give it an F," the brunette offered. "Way too dramatic and it doesn't even flow,"
"So there's nothing more? Just a bloodied empty box and a note?" Jasper spoke up, ignoring Emmett and Bella's half-hearted attempts of humour.
"Yes," Rosalie frowned. "But unlike last time, they used animal blood,"
"Strange," Alice remarked. Dread crept up on Bella and she visibly shivered.
"We'll figure this out Bella," Jasper said calmly, sensing the storm of emotions within Bella. Rosalie handed Alice the notes and promptly pulled Bella into her arms. The brunette relaxed marginally at the action but the dread still lingered. Something that felt a lot like foreboding entered her mind.
"I'll keep you safe," Rosalie whispered, pressing a soft kiss on Bella's temple. While it was incredibly reassuring to know that she had several supernatural beings on her side, Bella couldn't help but to feel guilty. Those Nazi Vampires had an issue with her and not the Cullen's. Whatever Bella had supposedly done to them, was her responsibility to carry. She couldn't help but to feel that they were all in grave danger, and it was entirely her fault.
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To be continued...
So... thoughts? I am rather excited to bring the Denali's into the story, I hope you share that enthusiasm.
Not my best chapter but I needed one to mainly focus on Bella's processing the whole mate thing, which I felt like I had to address. It would be out of character for her to accept it without question. We also have to take in account that while Bella is currently in recovery, she's been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a long time. The fact that she has a mate doesn't fix her thought or behavioural pattern.
To answer a popular question: Yes we'll see the Twins again. I have of course planned their reunion, which hopefully will live up to your expectations.
As always, please leave a comment and don't forget to follow/favourite!