Ahoy! First of all, thousand apologies for my long absence. I hope you weren't too worried about me. Life has been... rather tricky, and unfortunately I haven't had the time to sit down and write. Thank you for your wonderful comments, I'm honestly still so surprised how well received my story is. It's quite humbling.
I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll babble more in the end notes!
Chapter 17. Facade
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Rosalie's POV
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Rosalie hummed a quiet tune under her breath, ignoring the strange looks she received from other students she passed them down the hallway. She did not blame their confusion over her happy mood, since she wore a permanent scowl at school, but she didn't bother masking her contentment. A small smile appeared when she found her mate in front of the history classroom.
"There you are!" Bella looked up from her conversation with Angela and gave her a half smile, one that never failed to charm Rosalie.
"Hey babe," Bella greeted her happily, reaching for her hand automatically. Rosalie took her hand and squeezed it gently. It was honestly heartwarming how casual touches between the two of them were becoming second nature. The blonde reminded herself to give Jasper a hug next time she saw him, it seemed like Bella's sessions were truly helping her. Angela cleared her throat subtly, looking between them with a small smile.
"You guys are cute together," the normally quiet girl remarked sincerely. Feeling oddly charitable today, Rosalie decided to throw a smile her in way. Poor Angela seemed completely taken aback by it and blushed scarlet. The vampire hid her amusement at the reaction, but her girlfriend had no such qualms. She was staring at her friend with a small smirk.
"Thank you," she told her. "You okay there Ange?" Bella asked innocently, and Rosalie almost laughed when Angela threw her a glare.
"I'm fine, thank you," Angela replied calmly. "I think I'll go find Jessica; she was looking for me earlier. We'll talk later," Bella saluted cheekily, which made the other girl roll her eyes. Angela then gave Rosalie a polite nod before walking away.
"You're evil you know," Bella grinned at her. "Using a weapon like that on poor unsuspecting high school girls," she pointed accusingly.
"I only smiled?" Rosalie raised one eyebrow.
"Exactly," Bella nodded seriously. "Your smile can disarm a whole army. Directing it towards sweet innocent Angela is just mean,"
"You're too much," Rosalie rolled her eyes, although there was a small appreciative smile on her lips.
"And all yours baby," Bella winked playfully. Rosalie shook her head and merely tugged at her hand to start moving. They both ignored the way everyone stared at them as they walked towards the cafeteria.
Rosalie glanced sideways at her mate, who had a small private smile playing on her lips. The sight of it warmed Rosalie and she felt happiness bubbling inside her. She should probably thank Kate and Emmett later on, if not for the fact the two of them would be unbearably smug for at least ten more years. With Emmett and Kate's influence, Bella was smiling a lot more and usually equipped with a joke or a witty remark. Rosalie wasn't even jealous that the two of them could prompt such a reaction in Bella but instead was just happy for her. Bella was normally always so serious and a bit stoic, aside from occasional joke, and Kate's and Emmett's crazy personalities and playful manner, made her ease up. Rosalie herself wasn't so delusional to believe she could have completed such a feat in the same way. The truth of the matter was that she enjoyed this undiscovered side of Bella and was just happy to be around her. It was also a first for Rosalie, who was also known for being serious and truthfully a bit sour; even though she'd lightened up considerably since Bella had entered her life. In fact she'd never smiled so much before. Her family was both delighted and a bit weirded out by the swift change. The latter privately amused her so she sometimes purposely smiled more around them.
"Do my eyes deceive me or has the power couple decided to grace us with their presence?" was Emmett's way of greeting them when they sat down at their usual table at lunch. Her siblings were already there and smiled at their arrival.
"We take both cash and credit cards as a form of thank you," Bella replied without missing a beat. Emmett let out one of his booming laughs, startling nearby students, and offered Bella a boyish grin.
"I only have lollipops with me," Emmett admitted in a serious tone. Bella seemed to consider this.
"It'll do for now," she joked back, producing a delightful expression when Emmett reached into his pocket and fished out a lollipop. The time traveler took the candy and practically tore the plastic off and popped the lollipop in her mouth, humming appreciatively. Everyone gave her a fond look before focusing on Emmett.
"Why on earth do you carry lollipops around?" Alice asked in a baffled tone. It was a fair question, after all he could never eat one.
"You never know when the occasion calls for it," Emmett replied wisely, earning thumbs up from Bella.
"My man," she approved, which made him beam. Rosalie shared an amused look with Jasper, who simply shook his head with a small grin. Emmett was a rare bird.
"So, are you willing to play video games this afternoon with your man?" Emmett asked Bella hopefully. The brunette gave him a queer look, which Rosalie mirrored. He phrased that question in such a strange manner.
"Is this the part where you try to refer our friendship to a relationship?" Bella asked warily. "Because it's just as wrong when Kate does it," Rosalie nodded in agreement. Emmett scrunched up his face in an endearing manner.
"No?" he answered slowly.
"Good," Bella nodded. "I'm afraid this particular blonde is the only one who's allowed to throw that term around," she gestured towards Rosalie, who smiled and kissed her cheek.
"Ugh," Emmett frowned. "You guys are disgusting,"
"I think it's sweet," Alice piped up with a smile.
"You're kind of giving me diabetes," Edward said with an unusual amount of sass.
"Dude," Bella stared at him in amusement. "You can't get diabetes. It's scientifically impossible," she sassed back, earning a snort from Rosalie. In a highly uncharacteristic move, Edward stuck his tongue out. Bella, along with everyone else, stared at him in astonishment, before she snorted out a laugh. Edward smiled, obviously happy for making her laugh. Rosalie laughed along, wondering what came over her usual reserved brother. Edward winked at her.
"Okay I have to ask. Is Bella practicing witchcraft or something?" Rosalie heard Jessica Stanley ask her friends from a few tables away.
"Why would you think that?" Angela asked her friend amusedly.
"She's making the Cullen's all smiley and shit. It's freaking me out," Jessica continued in a low tone. On cue, the Cullen siblings laughed.
"Are you seeing that?" Jessica sounded a bit hysterical, which only made them laugh harder. Bella gave her seat mates a strange look, before Rosalie explained why they were laughing, and then she laughed along. Just to mess with the girl, Bella directly made contact with Jessica and gave her an over-exaggerated wink.
"Did you guys see that! She just winked at me! It's like she heard me!" Jessica whispered harshly.
"Okay Jess, now you're imagining things. Are you sleeping okay at nights?" Angela asked instead. Rosalie bit her lip to stop her from laugh again. Emmett had no such restraint and was practically roaring.
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"Rosalie, may I speak with you for a moment?" Jasper gave her a pointed look. Bella briefly looked up from her game with Emmett to shoot her mate a curious look, to which she shrugged. Rosalie put her book down and followed her brother wordlessly outside. It was not often that Jasper sought her out, so she was curious about the incoming talk. When they reached a small distance from the house, just enough to be out of hearing range, Jasper finally stopped and turned towards her.
"What is it?" Rosalie wondered apprehensively. Jasper stared at the ground thoughtfully, as if trying to find the right words. "Just tell me,"
"I know it's technically none of my business," the ex-soldier began carefully. "But since you are family and by association, so is Bella, I feel like I can safely have an input. Plus, I've been the one trying to help her with her emotions – "
"Jasper!" Rosalie snapped impatiently. Jasper sighed.
"Have you noticed anything new about Bella recently?"
"New?" Rosalie frowned. Her mind raced at the question, wondering where he was going with this. "Not really, I mean she smiles and jokes a lot more,"
"Exactly," Jasper seemed relieved for some reason.
"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?" Rosalie was confused. Surely that was positive change?
"Of course not," he back tracked. "In fact normally that would be great,"
"Normally?" Rosalie latched onto the strange wording.
"Look," Jasper ran fingers through his blonde hair in obvious frustration. "I'm not explaining this well,"
"No shit," Rosalie deadpanned, trying to mask her worry, which was fruitless since her brother caught on to her emotions right away.
"I'm not saying all of Bella's smile are insincere…" he paused.
"But some of them are?" Rosalie finished.
"Yes," Jasper nodded solemnly. "Don't misunderstand, she is often happy but it's exaggerated. Her emotions don't match up to her smiles,"
"What?" Rosalie's stomach dropped. Was she truly so blind to her mate's moods? "So she's faking it?" that brought a bad taste to her mouth. Was Bella playing her just as well as the others? If they didn't have someone who literally had the ability to read emotions, would she have remained blind to Bella's unhappiness?
"She's not exactly unhappy," Jasper quickly assured her. "But someone with her history and trauma does not heal overnight. I'm not discouraging the smiles, but it's unnatural to be smiling all the time. Emmett is an abnormality," he added the last part as a joke, but it fell flat.
"How did I not see this?" Rosalie breathed out, her mind racing. She felt like such an idiot, just thinking earlier that day how wonderful it was to see Bella smile so much. As if nothing was amiss. She stilled at the realisation.
"Don't blame yourself," Jasper insisted gently. "I wouldn't blame her either. Bella's coping mechanism is truly a remarkable thing. She adapts to most situations at a snap of a finger. I assume this is just another skill she's developing. I'm not even sure if she's aware she's doing it. Normally I would have talked to her first about this, but she's cancelled our sessions – "
"She what?" Rosalie gave him a startled look.
"She said she doesn't need them anymore," Jasper sighed. "I'm worried about her,"
"Yeah," she agreed faintly. "Me too,"
"Don't be too hard on her," Jasper smiled sadly. "She's come a long way in such a short time but she still has a long way to go,"
"I'll talk to her," Rosalie assured him. "Thank you for telling me," Jasper dipped his head.
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"Bella?" Rosalie called out softly, standing in front of the door to Bella's bedroom the following evening.
"Come in," came the answering reply. Rosalie entered the room to find Bella sitting on her bed with a book. "You don't have to announce yourself every time you know?" the time traveler remarked with an amused smirk.
"It's only polite," the blonde shrugged and sat down next to her mate.
"So what brings you to my corner of Forks?" Bella flashed her another smile. "Is it anything naughty?" she wiggled her eyebrows playfully.
"Down girl," Rosalie snorted, almost smiling at the adorable pout she received.
"A girl can always hope," Bella winked. "So, what's up?"
After her talk with Jasper, Rosalie had studied Bella's demeanour for the rest of the afternoon and the discovery had saddened her greatly. With Jasper's new insight, it was easy to see the play Bella put up for all of them. While her smile was beautiful as always, it did not reach her eyes. Sometimes the jokes came out naturally, mostly the snarky sarcastic ones, but others seemed slightly forced. Truthfully it was a bit painful for Rosalie to watch while all her family, excluding Jasper, smiled obliviously along. It wasn't healthy.
"I'm not sure how to bring it up," Rosalie confessed quietly. Bella's smile dropped instantly and concern took over.
"Are you alright?" the brunette reached out to touch her arm. "Is there anything I can do?" Rosalie smiled bitterly. Of course Bella would selflessly offer to help right away but refused to reach out herself.
"The real question is, are you alright?" Rosalie asked. Bella's eyes widened and she dropped her gaze.
"Of course I am," the smile was almost convincing.
"Are you sure?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" Bella shifted awkwardly. "I'm with you, aren't I?"
"Bella," Rosalie sighed. "Please drop the act with me?" she pleaded.
"I'm not acting," Bella turned defensive. "Why the hell would I be acting?"
"You tell me?" the vampire inquired as softly as she could. Brown eyes flickered with many different emotions, until they settled on understanding.
"Jasper," Bella breathed out. Rosalie only nodded. "Fucking snitch,"
"He's not a snitch," the blonde insisted. "Just worried. He told me you've cancelled your sessions with him?"
"I wasn't aware it was mandatory," Bella sneered, which made Rosalie flinch. This was not going well. Bella only lashed out when she felt cornered in.
"Darling, please," Rosalie pleaded. "You know I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want to do, nor is Jasper. I just really thought you benefitted from those sessions and I wonder what changed?" Bella's shoulders slumped as she turned her gaze to the floor.
"Maybe I'm all better now," her voice sounded uncharacteristically small.
"Do you feel any pressure to be?" Rosalie held her breath, hoping she hadn't encouraged this drastic change in her mate. Bella shrugged. "Normally you are quite articulate," it was meant as a joke but neither smiled. "Bella, we need to be able to be honest to one another if this relationship is going to work," she tried a different approach. "I'm no mind reader but I worry that I somehow am at fault for your changed behavior," honesty was the best policy, especially regarding the two of them.
"What no!" Bella shot up in her seat, her worried eyes meeting Rosalie's.
"Why are you faking your smiles?" Rosalie's tone was bordering on desperate. "Please help me understand," Bella was silent for a long moment.
"I'm not faking all of them," she insisted.
"I know,"
"I just… you seemed so happy to see me smiling for a change. I figured I could give you at least that?" Rosalie's stomach dropped. "I know I'm kind of a lot and come with a pretty heavy baggage. It's unfair to you to deal with my dark moods all the time. Maybe with time all of my smiles would turn real, fake it 'till you make it and all that jazz,"
"Baby, no," the vampire shook her head gently. "I don't care for insincere smiles. I don't want a false version of you, I want all of you, the true you – occasional dark moods and all. You do realise I'm not a ray of sunshine either?" the last part brought a small smile from Bella, thankfully genuine. "Remember our agreement in the beginning? That we should talk to one another if something is bothering us, no more concealed truths," Bella's eyes filled with shame. "I'm not blaming you or scolding, I just want you to be honest with me. I realise you are new to opening up, and so am I. We need to depend on each other for that. I don't expect you to solve years of trauma in a few months," at least until Jasper pointed it out, which still filled her with shame. "We both have baggage that we decided to tackle on together,"
"I'm sorry," Bella breathed out. Rosalie reached out and carefully pulled her into an embrace.
"So am I," she murmured in return. "Jasper shouldn't have been the one to point it out. I should have seen it myself," she was honestly disappointed with herself.
"Don't apologise for my acting skills," Bella laughed humourlessly. Rosalie dropped a kiss on top of her head.
"We'll work on it," she wowed. "Even if you're not comfortable to drop the act around the others, although I do encourage it, please drop it around me. I don't need you smiling all the time, truthfully it would just creep me out after some time," Bella chuckled softly. "I of course want you to be happy, but I want it to happen on your terms,"
"You do make me happy, you know," Bella confessed quietly. A tension in Rosalie's loosened at the comment. That was something she was truly worried about. "Even if I am unhappy sometimes, that's never about you,"
"You make me happy too," Rosalie buried her face in soft brown locks.
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Thankfully Bella stayed true to her word and dropped the act around Rosalie after their discussion. She still smiled sometimes but they were all genuine. While she continued to act light heartened around Emmett and Kate, she was prone to fall into deep silences when it was just the two of them. Her eyes would become clouded and her expression far-away. Rosalie would sit with her during those times and even though she longed to know what her mate was thinking, she only let her be. Sometimes she simply held her hand and other times she was in the same room but doing her own thing. Bella was hesitant at first but grew more comfortable each time. To Rosalie's and Jasper's relief, she also started attending sessions again. Rosalie silently made a promise to herself to try to learn to read her mate better, if only to avoid future misunderstandings. Later she would recall that promise and ironically think of it as foreshadowing.
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Bella's POV
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Bella absently flipped through the channels on TV and finally settled on the news. She stared at the serious anchorman inform her about recent increased murder rate in Seattle.
"That's mildly upsetting," Tanya commented as she breezed into the room, Carlisle following closely behind. "Seven murders in one week is a bit excessive," Bella nodded faintly in agreement and turned the TV off. She wasn't in the mood to discuss random murder cases, she needed an update from the ancient vampire.
"Have you found anything?" Bella asked as calmly as she could, although she was buzzing with nervous energy underneath. Judging by the look on Tanya's face, she wasn't fooling her.
"I have not," Tanya answered apologetically, and Bella tried to hide her disappointment.
"Okay," she swallowed thickly. "Thank you for trying,"
"I'm sorry," the ancient vampire added gently. "There are no documents written about this and my acquaintances had no recollection on meeting anyone with your ability,"
"However, that does not mean they don't exist. Just because it is not known within our circles, does not mean there might not be someone out there who knows something. While we vampire pride ourselves on knowledge, we often don't acknowledge that we indeed don't know everything there is in this universe," Carlisle added his two cents. He was obviously trying to be positive, but it honestly did not lift Bella's spirit. If a person who had roamed the earth for about 1000 years had no knowledge on her ability, what hope did she have to find someone who did?
"I suppose," Bella said with a sigh before flashing Tanya a small smile. "Thanks again,"
"You're welcome," the woman nodded with a sympathetic smile.
"Don't lose hope just yet Bella," Carlisle squeezed her shoulder in a comforting gesture. Not trusting herself to speak, Bella simply gave him a tight smile. She left the two of them in Carlisle office and she wandered out to the porch, needing to take in fresh air.
"Well that sucks," Kate joined her a few minutes later. Bella inclined her head but did not take her eyes off the sunset. "We'll figure something out," the vampire added reassuringly.
"Maybe this is the end of the road," Bella murmured after a long silence.
"You're too cynical bestie," Kate remarked with a small pout. "I never figured you to be the type to give up,"
"Sometimes you have to recognise when you are beaten. False hope never wins wars," Bella said softly, feeling oddly empty all of the sudden.
"Life is not a battle. You can't treat it as such all the time," Kate scolded lightly.
"Is it not though?" Bella glanced at the vampire, who faltered under her stare. "In my experience it is. I guess I never expected to lose," she shrugged before turning back to the beautiful sky.
"Don't give up now,"
"Maybe I'm tired of fighting Kate," Bella's shoulders slumped.
"You sure you want to tell Rosalie that?" the blonde countered.
"Don't do that," Bella looked at her sharply. "Don't try to emotionally manipulate me,"
"Sorry," the vampire said meekly. Bella gave her a considering look, before nodding and looking away. "Maybe we just need to find a different network,"
"Such as?" Bella raised one eyebrow.
"We can try Craigslist?" Kate suggested seriously and Bella couldn't help but to snort in humour. The blonde perked up at the sound and gave her a big smile, as if she had accomplished something great.
"And what exactly would you write?" Bella asked, feeling amused despite the situation.
"Hmm," Kate frowned thoughtfully for a moment before brightening up. "Have you ever experienced disappearing unexpectedly, only to wake up in the past or the future? Do you know any way to control it or stop it from happening? If so, contact Bella Swan. P.S. asking for a friend,"
"Very discreet," Bella shook her head with a small smile.
"Discretion is one of my many talents," Kate shrugged. "Ask anyone,"
"Not true," Irina yelled from somewhere inside the house.
"You don't count!" Kate yelled back. Bella bit her lip to suppress laughter.
"I appreciate the… unique idea but I really don't think it's the right way to go,"
"Any idea is a helpful idea," Kate replied.
"Not true!" Irina's voice called again.
"Fuck off!"
"You're an idiot,"
"No one asked your opinion!"
Bella sighed as the sisters argued back and forth, tuning them out as she thought about her predicament. She was honestly loss at what to do. Her progress with Carlisle was slow and he only had theories but no ideas to apply them. She didn't have any means to figure out how to control or suppress her abilities. Which meant that she could disappear any second, without warning, to any place in history. That meant leaving her mate and the others behind, without any guarantee that she would come back. She wouldn't even be able to say goodbye. Then she would be forced to fight to stay alive and probably die in the process. After all, her luck was bound to run out. While she wasn't ready to give up her life, she was too tired to continue this repeating circle of clusterfuck. How could she ever provide Rosalie with the happiness she deserved, if her survival was a constant question mark? Plus, even if she would come back every time, she would always return damaged and changed. How could she do that to the love of her life? To make things worse, that if she would die, Rosalie would perish too. Her mate couldn't live without her, according to vampire science at least. It was a lose-lose situation. She was a fragile human and it was only a matter of when and not if, she would die. A lightbulb went on in Bella's head and she gave a start.
"What if I turned?" she wondered out loud. Kate, who was in the middle of an insult to her sister, faltered.
"What?"
"What if I turned?" Bella repeated, this time to Kate. The blonde stared at her cluelessly.
"Into a vampire," Bella elaborated.
"Absolutely not," a familiar voice protested. Both Bella and Kate turned around to face Rosalie, who stood in the doorway with a frown.
"Why not?" Bella challenged.
"Why would you want to?" her mate countered.
"It would simplify things," Bella explained. "I'm a fragile human being. If I'm cursed to time travel, at least that way I won't die. I could return unscathed, at least physically,"
"I'm not turning you," Rosalie crossed her arms, her eyes blazing.
"Then I'll ask Carlisle to do it,"
"The hell you will!"
"Why not?" Bella matched Rosalie's stance, glaring stubbornly back.
"I will not condemn you to this life," the blonde replied with a scowl. "You don't want this,"
"Why the fuck are you putting words in my mouth?" anger flared up in Bella's stomach.
"You don't know what you're asking of!" Rosalie spat back.
"I do!" Bella insisted.
"Not if you're readily asking for it without a second thought,"
"I'm not asking it without a second thought,"
"I will not allow this," Rosalie growled and Bella stilled at her words.
"You will not allow this?" she narrowed her eyes. Rosalie's expression wavered at the tone.
"You don't understand. This life is hard," Rosalie argued in lower voice.
"As if my life isn't hard already!" Bella exploded, unable to keep her anger in check.
"It will only be more difficult that way. You shouldn't give up your humanity this easily," her mate said almost desperately.
"What fucking humanity?" Bella glowered. "I'm losing it already at this rate,"
"Don't say that," Rosalie shook her head sadly.
"It's true! You can't deny it," Bella began pacing. "This is destroying me, and I have no idea if I'll survive these little field trips. You know how close I came dying last time,"
"You shouldn't do it just because of that reason. You're a fighter, I know you can pull through. You don't have to be a vampire,"
"It's not just because of that!" Bella stopped and glared at her girlfriend, although its effect lessened with the tears that gathered in her eyes. "There are many reasons. How about the fact that if I die, you'll die?" Rosalie opened her mouth but closed it right away. "Jasper was careful to be vague as possible in his explanation of mates but I'm not an idiot, I can read between the lines,"
"Don't think about me in – "
"Of course I'm fucking thinking about you!" Bella cut her off. "I'm always thinking about you," Rosalie's expression softened. "I can't willingly accept my death, knowing it will be the cause of yours," the irony of her statement did not escape her, but she was doing her best to keep suicidal thoughts at bay these days. "You deserve better than that. You deserve better than this!" Bella blinked away the tears. "Even if I don't die during my travels, I'll most certainly die of old age. I'll be that creepy old lady with the young super-hot girlfriend," in any other situation, it would sound like a joke, but now it just sounded sad. Rosalie seemed to agree with that fact, as her eyes turned sorrowful. "Or maybe I'm just misreading this whole situation and you actually don't want to spend forever with me?" Bella accused, hating how her voice broke on the last syllable. Rosalie shook her head and took a step forward, but Bella held her hand up to signal her to stop. The blonde froze in her steps, pain evident in her eyes and Bella averted her eyes.
"Of course I want to spend forever with you," Rosalie insisted sincerely. "I love you more than anything. Which is the sole reason I don't want to condemn yourself to a cursed life,"
"Cursed life," Bella repeated in a flat voice. "You're saying my life isn't cursed as well,"
"That's different," Rosalie replied stubbornly.
"I could die any second. Everyone I know and care about are vampires – "
"You don't know the implications!" the blonde interrupted, anger returning to her voice.
"If I may point something out," Jasper appeared out of nowhere, almost flinching when both Bella and Rosalie turned to him with a glare. "Newborns are dangerous, and their bloodlust is uncontrollable. If you turn and travel soon after, you'll be a danger to every human you encounter,"
"See?" Rosalie looked at Bella with relief. "You'll only end up killing people and I don't want you to experience more death,"
"Don't even pretend you thought about that until Jasper mentioned it," Bella spat.
"Bella-"
"There's another reason that you're not telling me," she stared at her girlfriend, who quieted down.
"There are a few things being a vampire that-"
"Jasper shut the fuck up!" Bella snapped at the man, who shrunk in on himself. "This conversation doesn't involve you," she turned back to Rosalie. "Why don't you want me to become one of you?"
"I…" Rosalie trailed off; her expression hesitant.
Bella nodded to herself and tried to ignore the pain her reaction and words gave her. Apparently, her mate didn't want her forever. She was obviously growing tired of her. Maybe she had changed her mind about loving her. Were they even true mates? Was their shared body temperature merely a fluke and a theory made up by Carlisle? Her mind began to spiral. Maybe Bella was a good distraction for some time, but not enough for thousand years. She could understand that, after all – who would want to spend their life with someone like her? Someone who was so damaged and fucked up? Someone with so much blood already on her hands that she could eventually paint the whole Washington state red. Someone who rarely smiled and was prone to fuck up all the time. Who could not provide happiness or a normal life? Truthfully, why would she want to spend forever with Bella? It was a sobering thought.
"Well. There we have it," she said quietly under her breath. "In hindsight I suppose I should have expected it,"
"Bella – "
"I understand," Bella glanced up, swallowing at the sight of Rosalie's pain-filled eyes. "It's good that we cleared that up before things got too serious,"
"What are you talking about?" the blonde asked in a confused voice that held desperation to it.
"It is what it is," Bella tried to smile but it came off more as a grimace. "I need to go," she forced out and hastily dried the tears that ran down her cheeks. She refused to appear as weak as she felt. She would at least leave with some of her dignity intact.
"Bella?" Rosalie took a step towards her, but Bella sidestepped. "No!" the blonde grabbed her arm, firmly but not enough to hurt her.
"Let me go Rose," Bella whispered. "I can't be here right now,"
"No you have to let me explain!" tears were forming in Rosalie's eyes and her voice sounded so broken that Bella almost gave it a second thought. Instead, she took a long look, taking in Rosalie's beauty for the last time. This was inevitable and Bella was foolish enough to think their relationship would last. After all, Rosalie was so out of her league that it wasn't even funny. At least she got a taste of happiness, if only for a short amount of time.
Bella opened her mouth to say goodbye, when a familiar, yet always strange, sensation overtook her body. She grimaced in pain and clutched her stomach. She felt Rosalie's hands steady her as she wavered on the spot and there was panic in the blonde's voice, but Bella could not register the words. It was supposedly poetic it should end in this way. Bella smiled bitterly as she locked eyes with a tearful Rosalie. Another set of hands touched her back and she turned her head to meet Emmett's eyes, who seemed just as panicked as her girlfriend. She would miss her best friend too. Bella closed her eyes and prepared herself for the ride. She opened her mouth to speak but before she could form words, she disappeared.
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Rosalie's POV
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Rosalie grasped empty air when Bella disappeared in her arms. She let out an anguished cry as she fell down to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut. What had she done? She ruined her chance and sent her mate into her death. She let Bella go with her thinking that she didn't love her. That she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with her. She hadn't even explained herself. That she hated her vampire life so much that the thought of Bella becoming a monster too, destroyed her. Without those words, of course Bella would jump into conclusion that she didn't want her. Rosalie had noticed Bella's increasing dark mood the last two days, something had been bothering her.
A memory of Emmett's advice from a few weeks ago came to mind. "I'm not saying Bella is a flight risk, but she tends to doubt herself and other people as well. When that happens, she is prone to jump to conclusions and second guess everything. While she's finally starting to open up about her feelings, she is a master of self-destruction. If you don't say the things she needs to hear, her mind will conjure up the worst possibly images," Bella's self-hatred was well known to her so of course Rosalie should have realised how she would react without hearing the whole story. While Bella had been working tirelessly at healing her trauma, Rosalie hadn't touched her own. She had promised Bella to work through her baggage as well but all her focus had been on her mate, wilfully ignoring her issues with being a vampire. It wasn't fair to her mate to be the only one trying to heal. And now Bella was gone. She punched the ground underneath her, her fist going through the porch as it made a huge hole.
"She'll come back," Emmett murmured beside her, although he too seemed at loss. Not wanting comforting words, Rosalie stood up and blinked, although her tears would never shed.
"Rose," Esme's sweet voice called out worriedly. Rosalie turned around and noticed for the first time that her whole family, including Kate, Tanya and Irina, were standing behind her. They all looked equally worried and sad. Unable to look any of them in the eye, Rosalie fled the scene and disappeared into the forest.
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Bella's POV
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She fell to the ground harshly, wincing in pain. This was not her day. She stubbornly tried to fight the incoming tears but without much success. It wasn't enough that her heart was shattered in pieces but now she had to deal with another trip to the past?
"Well well, we meet again! Why so blue?" Bella looked up in surprise at the familiar voice.
"You!"
"Me!"
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To be continued...
Yes, I'm an angsty bitch! Or painfully realistic? You didn't think it would be that easy did you? That happily ever after. Part of the theme of this story is mental health, so I'm staying true to that. Put two individual with traumatic history together in a relationship? We get hardship, misunderstandings, self-discoveries, shit load of insecurities but if all goes well, a solid foundation and deep understanding.
Aside from Rosella drama, now we're getting deeper into the story. I am rather excited to show you guys what I have planned out! Sidenote: I think I'm getting rather good at cliffhangers?
Please leave a comment and favourite or follow, it's a ridiculously effective way to help me keep writing. Probably the main reason why I haven't dropped the story. No pressure though...