"I have… I have no one else to talk to," Addison said quietly, as if someone could hear her in her empty hotel room. Her voice was shaking and her body was too, from the adrenalin rush of packing up her things quickly in the trailer before Derek could go back from wherever he ran to.

All she could think about was how this spot, in a strange hotel bathroom, was the only safe place she's ever been in Seattle, shielding her from the city's unfamiliar streets and… Derek.

Her mind was hazy, and she could not think clearly. All she knows is that she's tired, she's exhausted, she doesn't want to keep pretending she's willing to fight for their marriage.

A marriage she thinks wasted more than a decade of her life.

A marriage she wished never happened.

Did she really mean that?

"What did he do? I'm going there." Addison sobbed as she heard Mark move about in his apartment, probably to pack some of his things or book a flight.

"I don't think I can do it anymore," She continued, ignoring Mark's curses and queries. "He doesn't love me… he's in love with her. And I'm always hurting, Mark." She kept talking, letting herself bask in this sliver of crack in her strong demeanor.

The one time she's letting herself succumb to all the pain, to spill all the tears she held back when he kept dismissing her, when she kept blaming herself for being so needy.

She doesn't even attempt to dwell on the fact that it took her hours to figure out who she was comfortable to talk to about her impending breakdown.

That she doesn't have anyone apart from Derek… apart from Mark.

And now, she's losing them.

"Take deep breaths, Red. Calm down, alright? I'm coming," Mark said, and if she was a bit sober from her reeling pain, she would have detected the irony of slight panic in his voice.

"I'm leaving him but I don't want to…" She continued muttering, fighting thoughts of going back to Derek, to run on drained self-worth and keep their doomed marriage running.

"I'm alone, Mark. I'm alone and I'm lonely…"

"You're not, Addison. I'll be there, alright? And I'm here with you. You just have to wait for a while… I promise I'll be there as soon as…"

As Mark kept calming her down, the thoughts of her time with him caught up with her, how she kept taking advantage of his affection for her—one she was pretending to be unaware of, so she could put on a show that it was all Mark forcing himself on her.

"I'm sorry, Mark, I'm so sorry."

For the many times she hurt him, the heartbreak, the missed chances, the baby—

She had to stop depending on others. She had to start drilling in her head that it was just her, her alone, because that's how she will always be. No one could and should be there… with everything she did to ruin every relationship she have, does she even deserve—

"Addison—"

"I'm sorry." She pressed the end button, hugging her knees closer as she let the memories wash over her, to keep battering her bruised body with years of indifference and heartbreak, and the bittersweet memories of those times when he healed her from the pain inflicted by her own family.

How Derek saved her from the cold war in the Connecticut Mansion, filled with dismissiveness, insecurity, detachment, and longing for even just a flicker of affection.

How she slowly depended on him to fix… everything about her, and when she let herself get used to the constant attention, to the endless affection, he broke his promise, he became just like them.

And in turn, she broke everyone else.