A/N:

So I have been uploading as fast as I can as the ideas came. I found a chapter (chapter 7) written on my phone for years and never uploaded and felt like now with my life finally a bit more stable to finish this story. I powered through a lot of insecurity to publish and hope this story is still enjoyed.

I know that editing is terrible but due to my inability to accept anything as perfect I'm literally writing and publishing without any proof reading. Proof reading has been a window to self criticism that kept me from publishing for years so here I am trying my best to fight that and provide a good end. Thank you for everyone who is still reading. Thank you for everyone reviewing each chapter. And thank you for smiling at the end of this. Because all I ever want is to make people smile :)

I am not the most confident person so I did just publish this (I wish I can say without any expectations of success ) but actually with a lot of self criticism and expectations for ridicule. Still if you enjoy great and if it's bad just ignore.

This isn't the last chapter by the way - just the one I felt confident to write a note for again

——--

Chloe walked out of school that day with a huge question. Did she still want to lose her virginity to be with a guy like Ben. Sweet kind Ben… or did she want to just be with Beca. Unreliable, spontaneous and reckless Beca.

Beca who also is always trying to be better for her. Beca her best friend for many years who stood by her through thick and thin. The best friend Beca was reliable. The girlfriend Beca was emotional and unstable.

She felt like she was picking between three people.

"Hey babe," Ben appeared and offer to carry Chloe's bag. "I'm excited to hang out tonight, did you want to catch a movie?" He asked innocently enough.

Chloe reprimanded herself as she looked at him. Lauren's words rang true, it's easy to make everyone else a villain. But in truth, she was the villain. Cheating on her boyfriend who not once pressured her, over a situation she built herself. How immature of her. It took an entire sexual experience and dynamic with Beca for her to see that she's just been taken everyone and everything for granted since her break up. Like no one but her and her feelings mattered because she was the one freshly hurt.

"Fuck." Chloe admit out loud. "Ben, we need to talk,"

"What's up?"

"I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." She started as they walked over to his car.

"Oookay?" He looked at her confused.

"You're a great guy, you've honestly been such a gentleman and please don't change but, I think I'm still finding myself and part of that involves experimenting with my emotions and it's just…"

"It's just…?"

"It's just I'm not actually sure what I want. And it's okay I think" again speaking more to herself as her eyes watered in this realisation. As long as she doesn't know she can't keep leading Ben on.

"Of course it is." Ben instantly dropped Chloe's bag to hold her hands. "Chloe, I don't want this to cause you pain. I really like you but I don't want to be the reason you're crying like this." Ben was sweet. He wasn't perfect but he was a great guy. A guy who maybe she could be with, different timing, different circumstances. But in reality right now… Chloe could only just hug him tightly as she sobbed lightly

"Thank you," she mumbled

"Let me take you home," he offered now picking up her bag and as the gentleman even opened the door for her.

Ben was a good guy. He just wasn't the guy for her.

—-

It hadn't been two hours since Chloe got home before her door rang.

"What the fuck, Chloe?!" Aubrey barged in. "You and Ben broke up?"

"Hey Aubrey, I'm glad you're here…"

"What's been wrong with you lately?"

"I think, I'm gay."

"What? No you're not?" Aubrey didn't mean to sound incensitive as she instinctively questioned.

"Well, I guess not gay, but I think I may also be into women. I don't know exactly, I don't wanna focus on the definition so much of my feelings."

Aubrey stood there silently and nodded. She didn't challenge again and just accepted these words until the obvious question came up.

"Is this about Beca?"

"Maybe… but I also don't know if I want to date her or,"

"Chloe I love you. I know Beca has been your best friend for years but dating is a different story. I know you know how she can be with her… girlfriends. I don't want to see you hurt."

"I know, and that's why I think… I'm gonna just have to tell her we can't date. Yet."

"Isn't that misleading."

"Maybe, but I just need to figure this out a bit more. And that means staying private."

"I won't tell anyone. But if that pipsqueek even tries to hurt you…" Aubrey threatened and Chloe laughed.

"Thank you Aubrey. You wanna hang out and watch a movie?" Chloe was grateful to have another friend through all of this, and hopes Beca was reaching out to her friends too.

Beca on the other hand slammed a keyboard against her wall. "Fuck!" Why did she have to make an ultimatum. Why did this even need to be a question, she could've just sucked it up and continued having Chloe even a little bit. She was fighting ever instinct to reach out.

Her own insecurities tormenting, her need for unconditional love, every childhood trauma coming front and center just out of fear of being rejected. She knows she was right to say she deserves better than to be a secret. But despite this doesn't want to lose Chloe.

"Beca?" Jesse appeared at her door. "You ok buddy?"

"Yeah," she lied as she was obviously fuming and pacing her room.

"You know you can talk to me, I saw Lauren crying and…"

"Fuck why am I such an asshole!" Beca realised not only was she possibly going to be rejected by her only best friend, she was also a dick to a generally nice girl.

"You're not an asshole, you're just protective of your heart. Listen Lauren is going to be ok. She a tough girl," Jesse supported. "We all go through heart break."

"Tell me about it" Beca plopped onto her bed and grumbled

"Is this about Chloe?"

Beca didn't ansewr

"I take that as a yes,"

And before she knew it she was telling Jesse everything. The deal, the hot sex, the slight manipulation.

"Jesus Beca… you really are an asshole," he laughed and nudged her. "And is Chloe really a squirter?"

"Ok I may have over shared in that point. But dude… I want her."

"Look, you can't just have Chloe like a toy. She's a person, she's allowed to change and evolve. Just give her time though you know she loves you, even if not in the way you want, she'll love you the way she can and… you either accept that or you push it away like everything else."

"Fair… you're pretty wise Jesse,"

"I try to be." He reached over and gave Beca an unwarranted hug. "I love you too, you know. You weirdo"

Beca pretended to fight it, but she welcomed the hug.

"Thank you."

—-

Beca didn't look for Chloe the next day. She said she needed time and that meant not pushing.

Chloe on the other hand wanted to talk to Beca. She hadn't made a decision but she couldn't go too long without her.

She scanned the halls and spotted her but before she could reach her the brunette had walked off.

This has been the theme all day. Chloe trying to catch Beca and failing repeatedly. Be it that Beca was off to class, conversing with others and generally looked happy. A happiness she wasn't sure she could give her. Beca is a bird, she likes freedom. She chatted with Jesse, she chatted even with Lauren and they seem - close.

Beca managed to catch up with Lauren earlier. It was a pleasant interaction. An interaction Beca didn't realise she needed to grow. It started with an apology, and ended with friendship.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lead you on," Beca shared again.

"Beca stop, you already apologised. I get it, I'm not happy but I'll move on." She repeated for the fourth time.

"I know, but… maybe I should say thank you. It was easy being a dick and use people when they wanted to try something new. It took you calling me out on it to stop… so yeah, thank you," Beca smiled and hugged the girl. She was growing as a person and she does appreciate those who helped her get there.

"Beca…" she pulled away from the blonde to face Chloe. "Can we talk?" Chloe asked and Beca nodded leaving Lauren and a couple of people to follow the redhead.

Became heart raced. Part of her wanted the rejection, it would just be a band aid, rip it off, let me bleed out - she thought to herself.

"Beca…" Chloe started.

Beca had to hold herself from jumping in and saying to forget it all. To just let them continue but she knew that after her conversation with Jesse and even Lauren that this is up to Chloe. Especially as she was clear - she wanted to date her.

"I love you," Chloe started. "I cherish you as a person, as my friend, and I wish I could explain this feeling I have towards you." She could tell she was losing Beca who was looking like a sad puppy. "I'm not saying I'm not into you that way, but I just don't know. I don't know myself right now… am I even gay right now?" Chloe was asking Beca and Beca sighed.

"I can't tell you that Chlo'" Beca responded.

"I know. I don't know a lot but I do know some things…" chloe reached out to hold Beca's hand. "I know you're my favourite person. I know that you're the person who makes me the angriest and happiest all at once. I know that with you I'm the most comfortable and I know that …" chloe struggled. She was nervous as blue eyes started at her.

Beca squeezed her hands reassuringly. More for Chloe but also to ground herself as she wanted to run in fear of the negatives.

"I know this might not make sense but… I know I love and trust you more than anyone. I know that… I want you to be my first. Not because I don't want to be a virgin anymore, but because I want you to be that to me no matter what happens." Chloe stopped and watched Beca. She had left the brunette dumbfounded. She looked confused, excited but confused.

"Chloe-" she started but Chloe's impatience peaked.

"Beca I want to date you." She finally made clear. "I want to be your girlfriend, I can't promise I know everything. Dating can be… figuring it out together,"

Beca was still just in shock. What was she hearing. This beautiful woman was talking to her and she just could not comprehend the words she was saying. To date her. No way.

"Beca, are you there?" Chloe asked and Beca's grin was all she needed. It went from ear to ear before she pulled her close to kiss.

"Is this a good thing?" Beca asked in disbelief. Maybe she misheard. This wasn't real.

"Yes." Chloe smiled and kissed Beca again. "Can I take you out on a date?"

Beca beamed at that. She's never been asked out before. She pulled her in to kiss again and again. She was elated. She didn't care about looking cool or seeming tough. Sure they didn't have all the ansewrs and sure enough Chloe was still waiting for hers

"So - that's a yes?" Chloe teased the shorter girl.

"What do you think red?" She smirked and kissed her again. They only stopped at the ringing of the bell.

"Tomorrow night?" Beca asked. "My dad is going to be at a dean's dinner," she explained having read his note on the fridge this morning.

"But first, dinner out?" Chloe insisted.

"Sounds good - text me," Beca struggled to walk away, hand still holding Chloe. Both girls excitedly giddy. This was happening.

Chloe's smile went away as Beca left. She isn't sure, she worries about being the right choice for Beca… she wanted this. All she could be was honest and that is a better start than most relationships. And Beca… is being different. This might actually work. Chloe's smile returned at that conclusion.